Relate to any of the following?
“Some days are more difficult to get out of bed than others”
“I feel uninspired and “stuck” inside my business”
“If I’m being honest, I don’t love my business anymore”
“I am “on edge” more than I was when I was broke and I’m starting to feel guilty for snapping at my wife and kids and being so impatient with them”
“I finally “made the money” but I still feel unsatisfied, empty and unsure what to do…”
These are all extremely common thoughts and feelings amongst businessmen with families.
I felt the same way…
Here’s the thing…
It’s NOT a “right of passage” like many try to write it off as
(I don’t think to become unhealthy and disengaging from family is a passage any man would agree taking)
It’s NOT “just how things go”
It’s also NOT a strategy to “suffer and sacrifice now so you don’t have to do it later”
…notice how most people who believe this to be true have relationship and life balance problems?
Probably not the best mantra to live by.
Listen,
The cause of this epidemic amongst businessmen has less to do with these “false ideas” and more to do with the people spreading it.
I call it
It’s the result of “principle-based marketing tactics” and the #1 cause for entrepreneurial family men to become burnt out, bored, overwhelmed, and disconnected from their wives and families.
Here’s how it worked for me…
…Maybe you can relate?
When I first jump into the entrepreneurial world I was scared…
I had no idea what was going on…what to do… or how to do it
I felt so far under-water and vulnerable that I didn’t trust my own voice.
So, I trusted the voices of the “Guru’s” instead (nothing wrong with this in theory or when it’s done properly)
See,
Each guru has a different set of principles that shape their content.
“Start with why”
“Sell or be sold”
“Crush it”
“Success is your obligation”
“Work like nobody now so you can live like nobody later”
After a while, all these bumper sticker slogans become a belief system I adopted and used to operate my life based on.
Why?
Because it felt better to rely on someone else’s principles than my own…especially at a time when I was most vulnerable.
It made me feel more secure.
Which is normally fine
In many ways this can be a smart thing to do…as long as it was truly authentic to who I was
But it wasn’t.
I was a liar to myself and to others…
See,
Most Guru’s who push their principles tend to be a living representation of them too
Some may say it’s because they simply “practice what they preach”
And I would NOT argue with that…
But I would challenge them on this point…
They practice what they preach because their principles fit them based on who they authentically are and what they authentically want.
Aggressive personalities are going to have aggressive principles.
Type A workaholic hustlers are going to believe the only way to be successful is by being a type-A workaholic.
And when a person who doesn’t fit that character-mold tries to operate their life using that character’s principles…it’s a recipe for disaster.
This was the situation I found myself in.
Deep down I wanted wealth like most entrepreneurs…
But I also wanted fun…fulfillment…health…connection…freedom…simplicity
I wanted to wake up excited about what the day held in store for me.
I wanted to be present with my family in the evenings and not have a gravitational pull to be on my phone reading emails.
I wanted to be able to be with my loved ones and just appreciate them to the fullest at the moment without thinking about the next marketing campaign I needed to get up and running.
Yet everything I read and the masterminds I belonged to said “you’re playing too small”…
“Scale…scale…scale”
“Build an empire”
“Just go all out for a few years then you can relax”
Eventually, I started chasing what other people told me to chase…
I started working like other people told me to work…
Until I lost track of what I wanted and who I wanted to be and replaced it with everything the gurus told me to want and desire…
…to the point where I would lie to myself trying to convince that Lil’s voice inside me that “this is really what I want”.
But it wasn’t
And eventually, it created a void.
A complete disconnect from myself and the values I was aligned with.
What happened as a result?
It becomes almost impossible to focus and be productive
I felt uninspired by my life
I was barely having any fun
My business consumed me to the point I didn’t keep up with friends and family
I become physically unhealthy and out-of-shape
I became less patient and quick-tempered with my loved ones
My partner started to look at me as a stranger in my own home
And I was constantly in a state of “chasing”
Chasing more money or shiny objects that promise to lead to more money and “stuff”
“grinding” and “hustling” to the point where I barely saw my family and even when we did I could barely be true “present” with them.
Why?
Because of the void inside me, that was left when I took on the goals and principles of other people instead of my own.
Listen,
There’s only one thing that can fill that void.
It’s not money and “stuff”…
I remember thinking “once I make this much I’ll be happy”…then I got there and I needed more…and more…
Then I felt like I’m “one more employee”….
”one project manager” away from being happy and returning to my health, my family, and me.
But it never happened.
Because the only thing that could fill my void was MY PURPOSE and living life on my terms (and feeling good about it)
Not software…
not a business coach…
not an employee or a bump in my revenue.
All those things are great enhancers and I still devote time for all of it.
But I needed a framework to use them inside of that served me and got me closer to the lifestyle I wanted at home with my wife and family
Otherwise, the shiny objects simply enhanced the very framework and life I felt stuck inside of.
Understanding this concept is one thing.
Identifying what you TRULY WANT and building a framework for what you want your business, marriage/partnership, relationship with kids, health, and your “fun” to look like…
…Is a completely different beast.
Using the tired exercise “building your ideal life than work backward” doesn’t cut it.
Those types of exercises are typically too ambiguous and lead to too much complexity which makes it hard to take action and follow through on.
Simplicity is the key…
…Following a specific process to cut through the layers of guilt, shame, and confusion that’s covering up what’s truly desired…
To get crystal clear on the next move to take…
To remove the overwhelm by trying to find balance in life without feeling like something is falling through the cracks.
