Episode #741
Have you ever found yourself constantly equating your self-worth with your net worth?
Do you often feel trapped in the cycle of comparing your financial status to others, never quite feeling like you have enough?
In this episode of the Powerful Man Show, Doug, Arthur, and Tim delved deep into the psychology of money mindset, specifically focusing on how men often fall into the trap of tying their sense of value to their financial status.
They emphasized the detrimental impact of this mindset, highlighting the never-ending cycle of comparison and perpetual dissatisfaction that it can foster, regardless of the actual wealth accumulated.
In this episode, you’ll learn how to take proactive steps toward rewriting your money stories and fostering a healthier relationship with wealth and self-value.
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Transcription
Doug Holt 00:20
Hello, guys, and welcome back to another episode of the Powerful Man show. Today we’re going to talk about when your net worth equates to your self-worth. So, guys, this is a topic we get from time to time where a man will set the scene where a man is looking at his bank account. We’ve all been there, where you’re trying to hit refresh and hoping those numbers change, or how much money do I have? Where you haven’t been managing your finances correctly and that number you see on the screen equates to your self-worth.
Now, very rarely is this a pick me up, right? Because even as you make your first million, 10 million, 20, 30, 40 million, you start to compare yourself to the guy that’s making 60 billion or whatever else it may be. So let’s talk a little bit about this on the psychology of money mindset and how so many men get caught into this trap of having their bank account equate to their self-worth in life.
Arthur Magoulianiti 01:17
Yeah, it’s interesting because it works both ways. There’s guys that have a scarcity mindset and they value themselves according to how much money they have in their bank account. And there’s always a number in the bank account. If there’s like 100K in there, then I’m okay. But if it’s lower, then I’m panicking. And so it’s interesting that that line moves depending on who the guy is, that could be a million. And the guy looks at and said, it’s 999,000, I’m in trouble. And so there’s that part of it. The other part of it is that figure that there’s never enough in there. Whether it is 100,000 or a million, that guy still doesn’t feel that it’s enough. And so there’s two ways to look at this. And, yeah, let’s explore those.
Tim Matthews 02:08
Why do you….
Doug Holt 02:10
So I’ll get you in a second here, buddy, but I think it’s important to know that we’ve actually covered this topic in depth in Morocco trip for the more than the men in The Brotherhood. What an amazing experience. By the way, if you haven’t been to Morocco, that was amazing as well as Iceland. We’ve talked about this in depth, and I only share that because one is we have a lot of experience talking about this topic. Two is this comes up so much, it’s relevant enough for us to not do one, but two specialty programs just based on this topic or around this area. Timmy?
Tim Matthews 02:41
I’m curious, Arthur, why do you think it feels like it’s never enough?
Arthur Magoulianiti 02:47
I think part of it is because people see it as the goal, right? I win the game. Whoever has the most wins the game. Sometimes that’s a healthy thing because they don’t actually equate their net worth to that. But the ones that do equate the net worth to that, then it’s a constantly moving target, which they never actually satisfied with. [Crosstalk]
Tim Matthews 03:13
I think you’re going to say the same thing as me. I think they feel like it’s never enough. It’s a reflection of how they see themselves and what’s going on inside of them. And because they never feel like enough, and they’re always coming from a place of scarcity and not enough. Not enough energy, not enough sleep, not enough love, not enough sex, whatever. The bank account just becomes another form of not enough. Because we’ve also seen it when guys have chosen to do the work on themselves, gone to the root of this, shifted and aligned their life with more than enough. I am more than enough. There is more than enough.
They start to see themselves in the world through that lens. All of a sudden, the bank account becomes a mute point, right? Because they feel a certain way, and there’s quite a sense of detachment that occurs as well. And as a result, usually they end up making way more money, much easier in less time, enjoying it a lot more, having way more fun. And it just becomes. There’s still triggers, but it’s more of a mute point.
Arthur Magoulianiti 04:18
That’s the key word there, detachment. One of the things we covered in Iceland was the whole thing of being addicted to money, all right? An addiction of money is, well, I can’t remember what the definition exactly was, but basically your sanity, your well-being, your happiness, is directly linked to the amount of money you have. Just like with any other addiction. Like you base your well-being or inverted commas on that thing, and if you don’t have that thing, then you feel worse off. That technically, and that’s a very bad explanation of addiction, is addiction, right?
And a lot of people are addicted to addiction to money, should I say so? Being detached from it is the goal, right? Money is great. We need it. But if that’s your main focus, you’re always going to be running into problems.
Doug Holt 05:06
Yeah, I agree with you guys, and I see it slightly differently for a lot of the men that we work with, with business owners, if you believe that the game of business. Right? It’s a game. There’s a scoreboard. The number one scoreboard that’s most relevantly looked at across all industries is revenue, right? It’s money. And so what happens for a lot of men is they start comparing themselves to other men. And when in the land of comparison, it’s never good enough.
Hence the guy that’s got $40 million, his self-worth is low because he’s looking at the guy that’s got $60 million. Therefore, there’s a gap. And when there’s a gap, the story usually is, I’m not good enough. The guy with 60 million is better. Now, a lot of people will change the scorecard for their businesses, but nevertheless, it’s a measuring stick, is how much money you have. And when you’re around people that have more money than you, you tend to feel, men can tend to feel less than inadequate, if you will, and not able to do those things.
In an example, obviously, we have groups of the inner circle, and in that channel, men are taking trips to Bermuda. They’re taking their wives on these nice vacations, their families on these nice vacations. And if you were in a situation where you’re struggling financially and you’re not able to do it, it’s easy to feel like, wait a minute, I’m not good enough to do this.
Now, when you couple that with a scarcity mindset and or another mindset of not feeling good enough in other areas, your relationship, maybe with your kids, with your spouse not getting enough sex, it starts to add up. And you can see how men can start stacking this I’m not good enough story on. And then the scarcity becomes even greater. Right? They start grabbing their hands around whatever they can because they’re scared they’re going to lose what little they have, rather than focusing on gaining more.
Tim Matthews 06:56
They can see that it’s kind of chicken in the egg. As you were talking there, I was wondering what comes first, the comparison or the underlying unconscious belief of not being good enough. Right? And we go hand in hand, too, because I think what you said is spot on. I think they do compare, for sure. I think that the standard always shifts. Instead of looking backwards to where they’ve come from and comparing themselves to a former version of themselves and living in the gain of how much they’ve grown. Right? They’ll live in the gap of what’s missing and how further they need to get. And to your point, yeah, I think it can definitely stack for sure. And it just bleeds out.
Arthur Magoulianiti 07:33
Yeah, I think it’s an energetic thing. So I think when you say chicken and egg, it’s your beliefs around money. If you’re living in a scarcity mode, no matter how much money you have, you’re always going to be short. Right? We know people that have millions and feel like they short of money, and we know the reverse as well. So it’s your general attitude and your belief system around money that is governing that. And so that gets to change first before you can move on. Otherwise that’s always going to be your measure.
Doug Holt 08:00
Yeah. Well, let’s switch gears. Let’s look at this from a different angle for this podcast or this episode, and we can set the stage of why this happens. But let’s give the guys some practical tips on how to get out of this. And when I say out of this, what is this where you’re worrying about money? You feel like you don’t have enough money and it’s causing fear, trepidation, sleepless nights, let’s call it sleepless nights around money and finances. And you’re relating that to being good enough. Right?
So the story that a man might tell himself, and we’ll talk about solving it. Ah, I’m a failure. I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy because I don’t have X dollars in the bank, or I don’t have enough money to buy Y, whatever that might be. Fair enough.
Arthur Magoulianiti 08:43
Yep.
Doug Holt 08:44
Cool. So, Tim, why don’t you kick us off with one thing that somebody can do to flip that script and start navigating in the right direction?
Tim Matthews 08:52
There’s two things that come to mind.
Doug Holt 08:54
Initially, you only get one. No, you can do two.
Tim Matthews 08:56
One is go and give. Go and give. I know for myself and a lot of the men we worked with, one of the things that they turn to very quickly when they feel scarce is giving. Whether it’s money, whether it’s your time, just go and give to someone. You often talk about how you feel when you send a video of appreciation to somebody or just a nice message, you immediately get back what you put out, right? So I think that’s one thing you could do immediately just to feel better.
And the second thing is you’ve got to just get into creation mode. There’s such a level of certainty that can occur when you make a decision on the direction that you’re heading in and you decide to burn the boats, and you find within you a level of certainty and knowing that you are going there and that is happening and you don’t have a clue how it’s going to happen. You just know I’m going there.
And in my experience, when guys are in that state and they’re creating money always follows. But usually by that point, they don’t care about the money following because they’re just loving being in such an energy of creation and certainty and just decisiveness that that in itself is a big enough reward that they just want to stay in it and keep going.
Arthur Magoulianiti 10:12
Yeah, I love that. For me, it’s about looking at the equation again. Like we spoke in the other podcast, it’s incorrect to say net worth equals self-worth. Your self-worth is made up by numerous measures. What about your family? What’s that worth? What about your friends? What’s that? Your network, your friends, what’s that worth you providing a service into the world? What’s that worth where you live? Everything. What’s that worth?
So I think you got to look at the overall picture, and you need to come out and look at the macro picture instead of just honing in and say, oh, it’s just that one measure that makes my life statement or my life balance sheet or whatever it is, look at the whole picture, because there’s a lot more value there than just what’s in your bank account.
Doug Holt 10:52
Yeah, that’s exactly what I was going to say is redefine what success means to you. Right? Money usually is multiple things. It can be a scoreboard, but can also be a means to an end. And for a lot of men, it’s I want money to, now you fill in the blank. I want money to spend more time with my family. Well, you don’t need more money to do that. Usually speaking, the guys that we speak with anywhere at a level where they have most of their basics covered. So define what that means to you, and then maybe you want to rewrite the script on money and success. Then I think the self-worth will rewrite itself. It’ll actually handle itself if you do that.
So something I would invite you to do is grab a piece of paper and write down, I want money for then dig down if it’s for a trip. Okay, why do you want that trip? Well, I want to go on the trip because I want to do something new. Okay. Why do you want to do something new? Well, I want to do something new so my family and I have more memories. Okay. And you can start defining what it is you really want. Okay. The real thing I want is my family to have new memories. How much does that really cost? Right? And if money is an issue, then you can find ways of doing this for free or inexpensively.
And the second thing I would look at is success means to me. Right? And then put a dot, dot, dot, and then start writing it down. And when you’re done with the last line, put another three dots down there. So let your subconscious mind think of other things that success might mean to you. And now you can redefine a success on your own terms.
So when you’re comparing yourself against somebody, you can start looking at multiple factors. Because, again, we know people who have net worths in the excess of….
Tim Matthews 12:36
Significant.
Doug Holt 12:37
Yes, very significant net worths who aren’t happy in other areas. Right? Maybe their marriages aren’t working. Maybe your marriage is working, but you just don’t have the money. You see what I’m saying? It’s easy to compare. If you compare somebody on one factor or even two factors, you’re missing the boat, because there’s other areas of their lives that may not be firing that are important to you or vice versa. And so it’s just one little thing that you’re looking at through a lens. And to your point, go out in the macro and make sure it’s your story that you’re living and not somebody else’s.
Tim Matthews 13:06
I love that.
Doug Holt 13:07
Anything else?
Tim Matthews 13:08
No. I think the advice that you guys gave was spot on. I was thinking of more specifically somebody that’s in a bit of a dip, because let’s say they had a dip in the bank account, and then the stories come in around not good enough or whatever. But I think the advice you guys have given is great. If I was listening, I think those two things are the things I’d do, rewriting that story and looking at where else your worth really comes from.
Doug Holt 13:37
Yeah. I’ll add on to this then, since our audience is businessmen, start making more money. Right? That’s another way that actually helps, is make more money. And part of this, if your self-worth and your self-worth is low and your scarcity is high, sometimes guys are scared to take the risk. Right? In business, especially.
And one of the things I see a lot of men fall into is, and all of us have been this in one way or another, they fall into this idea of like, well, I wouldn’t pay X for my product, so why would somebody else? And you got to understand that that’s different. Right? That’s different. Whether you’re a cheesemonger or you’re somebody selling cars versus a CFO, you got to look at value and what value you bring to the marketplace and what you can do for people.
So I’m trying to think of an example that doesn’t throw anybody specifically under the bus here that we’re talking about. But let’s say that you sell a widget, and that widget provides $50,000 of value to the end user. However, you wouldn’t spend $50,000 on it. You’re going to have a hard time selling that widget unless you can really get behind the idea of the $50,000. It’s going to save this other person and really encompass it, part of it, to a previous podcast on how to build trust.
Tim, you were talking about social proof, right? That helps you stack the evidence of, hey, this widget helps people at a value of $50,000, which you would assume it saves them hundreds of thousands, right, going through there. And even though that you might not buy the widget because it doesn’t mean that value to you, somebody else, it may. And you need to get into that mindset of doing so and realizing the value that you provide to the world. And that’s very unique.
So I think that helps people that are in this mindset of scarcity, of really getting in there and realizing the abundance, and also that their own money stories, which is another subject we can go into great detail, but their own money story might be holding them back, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that’s the other person’s story.
Tim Matthews 15:38
Yeah. An exercise I did a few years ago that I really enjoyed was just writing down all the money that currently surrounds you. Like, look, this was bought with money. It was made in a factory where people were paid and money was exchanged. Point being is that there’s money everywhere, and it’s very easy when people are confusing the net worth with their self-worth, for them to stop seeing the opportunity and stop seeing the abundance that surrounds them.
And when you actually tune into it and just make a list of all the things that are currently in your life that came as a result of either you adding value or the exchange of money, it really begins to shift your focus from there’s not enough to, oh my God, there’s more than enough. Because the reality is we’re living in the richest time in history, right? There is no shortage of cash. There’s more cash in circulation right now than ever before. Now, if that cash isn’t making its way to you, then that’s because of something you are doing. It’s not because there’s not enough of it, right?
Arthur Magoulianiti 16:44
Yeah. Correct. And you just took exactly what I was going to say. Thank you. But basically, it comes down to your belief. If you believe in scarcity, you’re going to only find scarcity. If your belief is we live in an abundant world, you’re going to find that abundance all around you. And so you get to change and shift your belief, and we can help you with that. And there’s loads of books out there that can help you with that.
And it’s just adjusting your thermostat. What are you believing? What are you expecting? And then tuning your mindset into that without changing your mindset, you can make a lot of money and land back up where you are right now if you are thinking that money is scarce.
Doug Holt 17:21
Yeah. Something that’s interesting that I talk to a lot of the guys about is most everybody’s bank account is always the same. The amount of money they have at the end of the month in their bank account is always the same, regardless of how much they’re bringing in. So an example could be if $50,000 is your set point in your bank account, and all of a sudden you get an extra 100K, you remodel the house, right? Or you spend it on this, or all of a sudden you go out to more dinners and you come back at the end of the month and you got 50K in the bank.
And it’s the oddest thing, but it’s really like, almost like you have a metabolic set point with your metabolism. People have, like a money, any set point that they always gravitate towards. They talk about a billionaire. Well, If a billionaire lost all their money, they would become a billionaire pretty quickly, because if they only had 50 million in the bank, they’d feel broke. And they have the mindset of, I need to have a billion. That’s their set point.
Whereas you could have somebody else who’s used to making 150K or 100K their set point. Is that right? They’re going to raise it back up to 100K, then they go into cruise mode, and it’s where your set point is. How do you raise that set point? I mean, I’m saying this. This is a rhetorical question here, but the listener needs to know. Think about how do you raise that set point if you need to, so that as an example, you’re bringing home 250,000, but you know, you need more money. You feel like you don’t have enough. How do you mentally raise your set point from 250 to 350 to 450 to 500 or wherever else it may be and then keep that new ceiling becoming your floor? I think that’s one of the tricks that people get to learn through this process.
Tim Matthews 18:56
Yeah, I think that’s a rhetorical question. But the thing that comes to mind here is surrounding yourself with certain people playing a certain level in certain conversations. It just shifts your reality.
Doug Holt 19:06
It totally does.
Arthur Magoulianiti 19:07
Yeah. Proximity is power, as we say. And who you surround yourself with is who you’re going to land up with because their belief system is going to rub off on you.
Doug Holt 19:15
It’s scientifically proven. They do this with weight loss, they do this with money. You can look up the peer reviewed research. Iron sharpens iron. That’s why a lot of men in The Brotherhood, which is our one year mastermind program for guys that graduate from The Activation Method, that go into that program, they’re surrounding themselves. One of the reasons they do it. I’d love to think it’s the amazing coaching we provide side and that’s part of it. But really they’re doing it because now you’re surrounded by other men playing at a high level.
Now that could be becoming a better father. Now all of a sudden you’re around a couple of hundred men talking about being the best dad. You’re sure as heck going to be a better father coming home. You’re going to learn a guy that’s struggling to build a tree house and another guy who’s having his kids run in the waves, but you’re also going to talk to businessmen. The men we work with are business owners.
And if you’re struggling in the finance area and you’re surrounding yourself with 5 to 50 men or more who are thriving in that area, you’re naturally going to raise your level. Right? Again, just another analogy. If all of a sudden you start hanging out with ten guys that are all runners and you’re overweight and they go running every day, guess what the heck you’re going to end up doing? You’re going to end up start running and all of the next thing you’re going to lose weight, you’re going to go up to their level of fitness. The same thing happens with money. The same thing happens with relationships. Right?
If you want a good marriage, you better surround yourself with men working on creating a good marriage. If you want a good business, you better surround yourself with men going on creating a good business. If you want to be a better father, you better surround yourself with men trying to be a better father. If you want all of those, then you better be in The Activation Method. Right? Because that’s all it is. It’s businessmen being better fathers and working on their relationships and their selves at the same time. I don’t know anything else like that in the world. However, you want to choose what you want to do and surround yourself with people playing at a high level. Again, if you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.
Arthur Magoulianiti 21:07
Good.
Doug Holt 21:08
Yeah. Well, I know we could talk about this for hours. We’ve led several of these for multiple days on money mindset, but I think we’ve covered the basics, and what I want to encourage the listener to do is pick one thing, just one for now, of the key steps, and one that resonates with you of like, ooh, that stings a little bit, or ooh, that feels right. One of those two feelings is usually what you want to look for in there, a triggering event of some sort.
And then start working on that and come back to this podcast and work on the other elements. So you can, one, make more money, but two, redefine what success and money means to you so you’re no longer living in the land of comparison. There will always be someone wealthier than you, hands down. So stop making that your only marker. I’m not saying don’t make it that a marker because I think it’s a good one. Or it can be, if done, health in a healthy way, but don’t make that your only marker. And from that place, you can have more abundance so that you can support yourself, your family, as well as give back to others that can’t support themselves.
The truth is, the men that listen to this podcast, you guys are playing a different game. You have opportunities that others don’t. You’re smarter, and I’m not disparaging other people, but the truth is, you’re probably smarter than the average guy. You’re probably a business owner, and you have more opportunities afforded to you. And to me, that comes with a responsibility to make more money. So you can give it away, right? Give it away to people that don’t have it. And take care of yourself, take care of your family. I think it’s important.
Arthur Magoulianiti 22:31
Yeah, end of the day, you’re exactly the same person with money or without money. The same characteristics, the same heart, the same intelligence. And so never forget that.
Doug Holt 22:43
Yeah, money is an amplifier, as they say. Right? And I’ve seen that a million times.
Tim Matthews 22:46
Big time, big time.
Doug Holt 22:47
Great people become just great people with money. Jerks become bigger jerks with money, and that’s unfortunately the way it is. I will tell you that out of the people that I’ve known throughout my time, and I’ve known a lot of very wealthy people, the wealthy people I know tend to be some of the nicest people you’ll meet. They are great people. They’re just understated, and you don’t see them in the public eye. Right? Because that’s not their thing. They’re out there helping people, and they donate anonymously a lot, and they do things of philanthropy in a different way.
So the idea that the rich person is a jerk, I’ve met jerks who are wealthy, but they are few and far between. It’s just unfortunately, they stick out right, because they make more noise. You come through it.
Well, gentlemen, as we always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. What are you going to do with your money story? How are you going to rewrite it? I’d love to hear from you. So, with Arthur and Tim, make sure you leave a comment wherever you have this. Let us know what you’re going to rewrite. And if you have any other tips for the men here, pay it forward. Pass on those tips also in the comments, and we’d love to get those. Maybe we’ll do another episode on that. And as we always say, we’re in your corner. Have a great week when you see you next time at The Powerful Man show.
All right, guys, that’s a wrap for this episode. But as I always say in the moment of insight, take massive action. You see, there are two types of men that listen to a podcast like this, those that go on from one podcast or show to another just hoping things are going to change and realizing that they’re going to be in the same place month after month, year after year.
You see, I was this guy so I completely get it. You may just not be ready. But there’s also a second man, a second man that listens to a show just like this. And this is a guy who takes massive action so they can shorten the learning curve, compress time, and get RESULTS to be the WOLF. See, WOLF is an acronym for Wise, Open, Loving, and Fierce.
Now ask yourself, which one am I? And just be honest with yourself there. And there’s no judgment on my end. But if you’re ready to move from deactivated DEER mode, which is Defend, Excuse, Explain, and React to activated WOLF, Wise, Open, Loving and Fierce, then go over to thepowerfulman.com/grow. And go there now. In fact, I’ll make it super easy for you. I will even put the link right in the description here so you can just click it and go over there now to learn more. Guys, in the moment of insight, take massive action. Go from deactivated to activated, because like I said, life is too short for average and I’ll see you on the next episode!
