Back on Track: Reigniting Your Drive After Life’s Setbacks

Episode #821

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Transcription

Tim Matthews  0:00  

Part of the process is to take time out because otherwise I’ll just work myself and work myself and feel even worse. So I just needed to take a little bit of time out to just reflect, but this is a transformation, something has to change. So in that moment, motivation isn’t going to be the thing that’s going to do it for me, because that’s just gonna get me going again, but on the same path.

Doug Holt  0:20  

I think for a lot of guys if you’re feeling like this lack of motivation, it starts off small, it’s easy to get caught in being research mode, and it really just kind of cripples you, right? You’re crippled because you spend all your time and inaction and preparation rather than actually doing it.

Hey, guys, welcome back to the TPM show. Guys, have you ever hit a roadblock and kind of let the wind out of your sails if you will? Well, in this episode, Tim and I are going to show you how to bounce back, and perhaps even bounce back stronger, redefine, your motivation, drive towards your dreams, and get a little bit more vigor in your life. And I think that’s what we all want. I mean, we all lose motivation, from time to time, feel a little flat, especially when we’re doing the same thing over and over again. And what we want to do though, is re-establish that spark, right, reestablish that fire in the belly, that thing that drives you that passion, right, that excitement that you have for life, whatever it be, whether it be in any of the five territories, and again, for those that are new to the TPM program, five territories are self-health, health, relationships, and business. And that’s what we’re going to talk about today. Jim, thanks for being here, buddy.

Tim Matthews  1:37  

Yeah, of course, a little bit now.

Doug Holt  1:40  

I love having you here. Man. I wish you were here in person. As always, it’s always fun to have these conversations

Tim Matthews  1:45  

and be epic.

Doug Holt  1:46  

So what do you what do you do, Tim? When do you lose motivation and drive? Like what? What is your process? When do you feel a little bit flat?

Tim Matthews  1:56  

Hmm, good question. Definitely part of the process is to take time out. Because otherwise, I’ll just work myself and work myself and feel even worse. So just need to take a little bit of time out to just reflect really, obviously, I still maintain ARS, that’s that’s absolutely key, making sure I’m getting up doing my Alpha Rise and Shine. But within that, I may take an hour or two in the day just to be like I said, whether that’s in nature, or a coffee shop or steam room, sauna, that kind of thing, and just journal and reflect and see what it is that I would love to create. What would I’d love to experience next Whatever the question is, I asked myself, depending on how much of a role I feel like I’m in that will obviously dictate the question, and how big of a move I feel like I need to make, but typically, that’s what I’ll do. And

Doug Holt  2:58  

how long does it take for you to reestablish that motivation?

Tim Matthews  3:04  

It depends. You know, there have been times in TPM, as you know, when I have signed a particular seat, and that seat definitely hasn’t been a natural seat for me. And I’ve had to really double down on being disciplined, and finding motivation every day, to do whatever it is I need to do for the movement. Right? Luckily for us, we do something where we save people’s lives and change men’s lives. So you know, it’s very easy to find motivation for that comes back to the why, right? Tapping into my why, and really making sure I’m connecting with it, because at the same time, in all honesty, we do this so often. And because we’re in the conversations every day, but the reality is, you can sometimes forget that you also do that I can forget at times, and you know, we have a weird channel in Slack, right and the platform where our team communicates called Client wins, going and spending time in and just seeing all the wins coming in from the man. The coaches and the team are posting and just remembering and realizing that wow, it’s what a blessing and what a gift. So yeah, depending on what season or season I am in, and what it is I have on, I can either rediscover that motivation quickly. Or it can take a little bit of time I’ve come to realize that for me, certain things I can’t force and I don’t want to force and I do believe that you know, things happen for a reason at times. I can think of periods in my life like before TPM when I had the fitness business, and it just really wasn’t for me anymore. I just had this feeling that I wanted something I’m bigger in terms of impact. I wanted, I will be ready for the next challenge and sell the business, they didn’t really need me. But there’s this period of well, now what? Now what, and I was I was young, I was in my mid to mid-20s ish, mid to late 20s. All I knew was there was a pool for something else, but I didn’t know what it was. I think at that time, if I would have forced it, and just tried to do something, I probably would have fallen into the wrong thing. So I resisted that. And you know, TPM was one of the one of the things that came from that place of just sitting and being impatient, really impatient and asking questions, because it’s bitten me in the ass many times, when I’ve just forced myself to find my motivation and go again, sooner than I’ve been ready to go.

Doug Holt  5:52  

Yeah, it’s interesting. One of the things that I love about working with you is you and I are very different in a lot of ways. We’re similar in our values and our beliefs and what we’re here to do, but we also operate differently, which I think serves the men really well, because we have different perspectives. And it’s interesting, we were saying about how we do this so often when doing this being helped men, I mean, it’s the number one thing we hear from guys is, man, I wish I would have done this sooner. Right? I was on a call with a guy or a group of guys yesterday. And that’s what one of the guys said, it’s a man, I’m turning things around for crap. I wish I had done this three years ago when things in my marriage started to look like they were going down the wrong path. And I had a guy yesterday telling me that, that we say that we saved his life. Right? He didn’t tell anybody. But you know, he was living a life of quiet desperation. And when I feel like I’m slipping into that quiet desperation, if you will, or that slump myself, I’m one of those corny guys that listens to something that’s motivational, right? And part of that is something that we play at The Alpha Reset, the guys that have been there and day three know what probably what I’m talking about. But I’ll do it. In fact, I did today, I’ll find something motivational that pumps me up the amps me up that reignites my passion, if you will, reignites my why. And that really works for me. And I realize it doesn’t work for a lot of people. But I like it. It’s corny, it’s you know, whatever. But I enjoy it. And I know a lot of other people do too. I find that thing and it could be music for me sometimes. And you and I differ I’m not as good at the surrendering portion of it. For me, what I want to do is okay, what’s one small thing or big thing that I can tackle to get my energy and my momentum moving? And because once I’m in action, I get the flywheel going towards a goal or something I’m motivated to do or something I want to do whether I’m motivated or not. That flywheel-like effect really kind of takes off for me. Right, I find the motivation in doing rather than waiting for the motivation to do.

Tim Matthews  7:58  

Yeah, I think when I’m in these slumps, the thing that I need more than motivation is transformation. What do you mean by that? Well, what I mean this when I’m in these slumps, and I hit whatever it may be. I’ll definitely take stock. Like I said, one thing I also do is ask for help. And that’s probably one of my strengths. Ask for help. You know, I’ll come to you, I’ll go to Arthur, I’ll go to men that I trust. And I’ll tell them what I’m feeling, tell them what I’m thinking, and just get a sounding board. Because I don’t know what I don’t know, I can’t see my own blind spots. And depending on on how deep of the slump it is, let’s say what I mean by transformation is, something’s got to change. Usually, for me in that moment. I think when I become aware that something needs to change, I think I can be pretty good at changing it. Weirdly enough, I can be a bit better at changing the big things and the small things. But this transformation, something has to change. So in that moment, motivation isn’t going to be the thing that’s going to do it for me, because that’s just gonna get me going again, but on the same path, usually something that has to transform so I’ll get going again, maybe on a different path. And then I’m pulled by the new vision and the new thing or whatever it may be. It could even just be an insight or some clarity that I’ve got this then that that will spark the motivation of me to talk it through with you. That’s usually it’s the clarity that gives me the motivation. Ram is clear on this thing now, right? Let’s go. Yeah,

Doug Holt  9:45  

do you that’s definitely for you use you thrive on clarity. It’s very important to you, which is awesome. It is because once you get clarity, you’re like, you’re like a dog on a bone. You don’t let go at all. which is an awesome trade to have. Do you believe me just listening to you say, God, it’s easier a lot of times to get the motivation to conquer my words, not yours conquer the big things rather than the small ones? Do you think that’s for you? Because the bigger things to get motivated to do are more of a challenge and you anticipate that challenge. And that, therefore, your taking on the challenge is the actual motivation. Yeah,

Tim Matthews  10:27  

I do. I think, and because it’s such a big challenge, usually, there’s less time to think and dwell. I just inspired action bom bom inspired Gog Gog Gog. And it’s just, it can be very imperfect. Yep. And it can be very much like ready-fire aim. Whereas smaller things for me, I find it easier to overthink them. And be like, well, how will this thing fit here and there? And how will it affect that? And blah, blah, blah, rather than kind of majoring in minor things at that point?

Doug Holt  11:03  

Yeah, so it’s very similar to what I’m saying. In the sense that’s doing right. I just think I’m probably fire Ready, aim. Maybe more so. But it’s, it’s, it’s the action once you start going, and you get that flywheel moving, it’s really important. And I think for a lot of guys, if you’re feeling like this lack of motivation, it’s start off small, right? Start with something really, really small. So you can, you can get it going. The easiest analogy because I know you have a fitness background is health, right? Don’t worry about okay, how much vitamin B do I need? How much creatine should I be taking? What’s my workout routine, strap on your shoes and go for a walk, just go, just go. Don’t think about it and think how far you’re gonna walk, just walk around the block, and you’ll start going. When I had, as a coach, one of the things I do, and I’ll give away my secret here is when a guy has a fitness goal, right? Maybe they’re out of shape, maybe I’m going to the gym and a long time, whatever that is, what I’ll do is I’ll say hey, all you have to do is go to the gym and check in and you can walk turn around and walk away. I know you have a lot of time, you don’t have a lot of time. You know, I know that you know you have this, whatever preconceived notions about the gym, whatever it is, all I want you to do is walk into the door of a gym, get your little key tag like most gym have, click in check-in. And if you decide to leave, that’s totally cool. Not a problem at all. Just walk away and go home. Right?

We’ll take you what, five minutes, of course, you have to drive there, whatever. So let’s just say All in all 20 minutes. No problem. Everybody’s got 20 minutes, they can carve out. Guess how many guys Tim? Go to the gym, check in turn around, and walk away? Very, very few. Right? Yeah. I can think of a couple of times I’ve had a guy do it. But really, yeah. Not the first time. But usually what happens is they’ll check in and right. What do you do, everybody’s working out, you’re already there and you start exercising. And you’re like, Okay, I’ll do just, I’ll do five minutes on the treadmill, then I’ll go home, you do five minutes, five turns to 10 or 20, you hit the weights, it is you got to start, you got to start with the action. Right and take that thing, the gym might not be the gym, maybe it’s with your wife, or maybe it’s with yourself, maybe you’re just feeling tired, maybe you are feeling stuck in life, you feel unsure of what to do next. Right? These are the kinds of things you want to do take action, take a course enroll in a program, get on a call, listen to a podcast like this. You know, we got two guys having a conversation that has solved this problem for 1000s of men just like you. But figure out a way to do it and do that small action. Find out what your check into the gym, if you will use that analogy is for your situation and just do it.

Tim Matthews  13:44  

Yeah, it’s like The Activation Method for self right? Obviously, we launched in that program is one that we used to do pre-COVID very successful program, it’s led to, I think a third or a quarter of our team went through that program. And that’s what led to them wanting to join the team. Anyway, the point being is we’re relaunching it and as a result coming up with content around it and such. And so this week, for me, I’ve been diving into just reconnecting with that message and what it is that the men are struggling with when they come to us in that space, and so on and so forth. So today, I had it on my agenda to finish off some of the stuff I was looking at some of what a lot of the men used to tell us, and then to write a post and prepare for these podcasts. Now as I was going through my morning, I then realized very late on that I had an hour less than I thought I had, well, crap, I’ve still got this sort of stuff to do more of more of the kind of research part of it if you will, by knew one of the biggest things I could get done today was to write that post. Just get the rest pin, write, just get that rep in, and write the post imperfectly. But by me being in the act of communicating the message to the man, that’s going to strengthen my confidence, my motivation, whatever it may be far more than continuing to research, if you will, and read back up a lot of our case studies at the men have shared with us. But it’s that idea of just taking that imperfect action that was the past perfect. No, not by any means. Was it good enough? Yeah, absolutely. And that fuels me to want to go again, and again and again and again. Right? It would have been very easy to not do that, oh, well, didn’t have as much time as I thought I was gonna have. So therefore need to get other things done first, and then I’ll do that tomorrow. Well, no, that will just keep the cycle going of the procrastination, it’s kind of like to your point, we’ll just swipe in the gym. Just take that imperfect action that’s inspired. And like that build.

Doug Holt  16:00  

Yeah, I can’t remember who it was, was Stephen King, or a major author? But one of the things they said is, you know, to write a great book, you just got to sit down and just start typing, right? It could be even nonsense, right? And just start writing. And once you start writing, you’ve sat down, you’re already there, and your brain starts to move into writing mode. And then all of a sudden inspiration or motivation comes up. And you can produce pages or what have you. But you just have to start right kind of like your blog post, right? You could research all day I got it. Man, I can’t tell you how many people I know, research and research the best workout, for gaining muscle the best workout for losing body fat, or the best supplements for doing this. Yet, they’re not taking any actions to do it right. Or, gosh, I mean, the best real estate, I don’t know, you can pick any category. It’s easy to research, it’s easy to get caught in research mode. And so it really just kind of cripples you right? Crippled because you spend all your time in inaction and preparation, rather than actually doing. The other thing. I think Tim is critical when you’re looking at motivation. They’ve done studies on this is you want to surround yourself with motivated people, people who are motivated, or in the process of getting motivated. You know, that’s kind of like that idea that if you if you’re hanging out with 10 people in there, and they’re all runners, and you’re not a runner, well, studies show that over time, guess what you’re gonna be doing, you’re gonna turn into a runner, right? You’re gonna surround yourself with those people, if you’re hanging out with people have crappy marriages, guess what, you’re probably gonna end up with a crappy marriage. It’s just gonna happen. Right.

But if you’re hanging out with men who are working on themselves bettering themselves, their stocks going up, guess what’s going to happen, yours is going to go up, you’re going to increase your own value, you’re going to become a better man. If you’re working, you’re hanging out with guys, or, you know, you’re making 100,000, and they’re making millions, you’re going to start making more money. It’s just this process, you got to surround yourself, put yourself in a community of people, a community of men, or women, if you want to, you know, whatever, a community that works for you. Now, for me, it was surrounding myself with a bunch of powerful men, internally and externally powerful people. It helps me raise my game, right? The standards are different. And when the standards are different, it’s you know, you start setting better expectations for yourself. You start really working at a different level. And that’s what’s so cool about being a coach and also being in the community, is you get to see these guys winning, you see their struggles as well. But it’s motivating for you. You know, Michael, Michael, the beast comes to mind right away, and his transformation of this last year. And the choices he’s made in his life. Wow. Right. He’s completely done. Almost a 180. You know, and it wasn’t like it was that bad. But in certain key areas, especially his health, it’s been really cool to see. And it’s been motivating to watch him. He’s done a great job.

Tim Matthews  19:00  

Big time. I remember a conversation I was having with him in Cuba sitting around the table, on the day of arrival, telling me his dreams that he had for the village he wanted to build. And it seemed like such a big leap for him back then. And he’s doing it. Yeah, he’s doing it. It’s epic.

Doug Holt  19:21  

It is it’s absolutely phenomenal. And I can we list hundreds of guys doing similar things in similar areas, whether it be reconnecting with their children reconnecting with their wives reconnecting with themselves, right? It all starts with reconnecting with yourself and once you reconnect with yourself motivation internally comes so easily. In a few days, I’m about to lead The Alpha Reset here at the TPM ranch. The Alpha Reset by far in my experience, and I’ve been all over the world doing events is the most transformational event. And it’s a lot of work for me and you know, Tim, you lead these two, but the motive I get so motivated is by this and seeing these men, their whole journey and seeing them transform and break out of their shell, I mean, talk about a way to get a guy who’s stuck or unsure to be completely sure and confident and actually know the next steps, nothing better in the world guaranteed. And that’s motivating for me to put in the work motivating for me to show up, do a show like this, where I get to talk to you and other men, to present them an opportunity to reach out a hand and say, Hey, do you want some of this? If you want some of this, you know, just let us know. And we’ll you can go over and go fill out an application. And if you apply, and you’re a good fit, we’ll let you know the next steps. But the key is taking action. And, you know, I know in my life, there’s been times when I’ve done analysis, by paralysis or paralysis by analysis. I mean, excuse me, where I’ve been paralyzed, because I’m thinking and overthinking things, and Oh, should I do it now, should I do it later, it’s not the right time, it’s too much money. I need to find more information, or whatever it is, that inaction makes you stagnant. And when you’re stagnant, you’re unmotivated. And that’s a crappy place to be. So you need to take the action to get yourself motivated. Then what are one or two things that these guys can do? Coming out of this conversation, to get themselves fired up to get the fire in the belly back

Tim Matthews  21:22  

to the fire in the belly back. Reconnect to your why. And if you’ve outgrown your previous y, then get a new one. And allow it to be simple. Doesn’t need to be something big and audacious just get clear on that, why? Reconnect to it and make it front and center. Put it up in your office or put it in front of prizes, screensaver on your phone, or whatever you get to do in order to make it front and center. connect to it during your Alpha Rise and Shine on a morning. But figure out the why reconnect to and if you guys are in the movement, they’re listening. And you resonate with this and reach out to your coach who can help you with this. I do like the idea of music though. I think changing states is very helpful. Yeah. And I said, You know I do but I think the same time changing state can be key. Because a problem can’t be solved at the same level of thinking that created it right. So if the down feels like they’re in a rut, lacking motivation, then yeah, change that state, listen to some music, watch some comedy, gain nature, go for a hike or do something, just change your state and begin to ask yourself better questions from that new position.

Doug Holt  22:51  Love it, man. So true. I mean, state change, whatever it is, you got to shake things up, guys, you got to do something different. If you stay the same way, you’re gonna get stagnant. Whatever it is, and for a lot of you guys listen to this. That’s what happened to your marriage. It got stagnant. And you didn’t take action quickly enough. So this is my invitation to you. And I always say, in the moment of insight because this has served me well. And people I’ve to know well, in the moment of insight, if you have an insight, take massive action right away. And it’s not waiting for motivation. The motivation comes from action. It’s not the other way around. And I think it is a poor mindset to think that I need to wait till I’m motivated to take action. That is scary It’s a horrible mindset to have. If you don’t have a powerful mindset, you take action and the motivation comes later.

So gentlemen, as always say in the moment of insight, take massive action. Tim has done that he’s given you some ways we are releasing The Activation Method for self again, it was an amazing program that we had, we put it aside because we’re focused on something else, but it is rereleasing if you’re interested in being in that and coming to The Alpha Reset, go over to the powerful man.com and just talk to one of our advisors, they will guide you through the process, gentlemen, this is your chance, take massive action. If it’s not with TPM, do it somewhere else, right? Do it somewhere else, you know, because when I connect to my why and Tim’s why and the why of our team. Our goal this year is to help save 10,000 children by saving their fathers first by elevating their fathers first men like you. So if it’s not through TPM, that’s fine. We’re gonna use this podcast this show on YouTube, wherever you’re getting this as one of our levers to help change the world. And if it’s going to another program, great, just do it. But don’t go from one episode to another. Going through what I call educational masturbation. I used to do it till you went from one podcast to another to another. You’re gonna forget the insights. If you have an insight stop now to Take some massive action and we’ll see you next time on the TPM show.