Episode #901
Ever find yourself stuck at a certain level in your career, fitness, or relationships, no matter how hard you try?
In this episode, Tim and his guests dive into the concept of “upper limits”—the mental and emotional barriers that often keep us from achieving our potential.
Together, they discuss why we sometimes sabotage our own success, fall back into bad habits, or resist progress even when we want it. You’ll learn about:
- The power of self-imposed labels and how they create mental “ceilings”
- Why hitting a plateau is often more about your mindset than your skills
- The role of nervous system conditioning in keeping you from moving forward
- Actionable steps to break through personal limits, including building a support system and refocusing on what really drives you
Whether it’s in business, fitness, or relationships, this conversation will help you uncover what’s holding you back and what you can do to keep reaching new heights.
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Transcription
Arthur 0:00:
The other thing is, like, when you buy a course, how many courses have we bought that we never finished, or books that we never finished because we feel the stress to do something? We go buy the course, and we think, “Okay, I’ve got the course now. I’m cool.” But most people don’t finish the courses. You know, it’s like a 3% or whatever. So when we look at what our motivation is, to your point, you know, if it’s an internal validation, open-ended, like growth, like contribution, like whatever, you can never actually reach an upper limit because you will always be—well, you can, because you can think you’re working towards it. But in fact, if you’re really working towards it, you will always be growing.
Tim Matthews 0:50:
Welcome to another episode of the TPM Show. Today is a very special episode. I’ve got three amazing guests with me. I’m your host, Tim Matthews, with the amazing Mr. Arthur Migulianiti, World Champ, although his nickname has now changed to “The Keeper”—the Keeper and the Andrew, the Andrew. So we’re just off the back of the Alpha Rising, which is a sequel to the Alpha Reset. And I wanted to pull these guys in, because you guys have been in the movement a few years, right?
Andrew 2:07:
Yep.
Tim Matthews 2:09:
How do you describe Upper Limiting, Arthur?
Arthur 2:12:
So the way I go about describing it is that we all have this identity of who we are in the world, and a lot of it is self-imposed. Most of it is self-imposed. But within that structure, we limit ourselves, right? So, for example, you could call yourself a small businessman, and automatically, I mean, that’s a generic term that a lot of people use, millions of people use. “I’m a small businessman, and I’m not a corporate or anything else.” But the minute you put that identity on—”small businessman”—that can be limiting in itself, right? And so there are identities that we take on, names or labels that automatically start limiting ourselves because we live through that and we don’t do it consciously. Of course, no one wants to be a small businessman all their life or all their working life. But in that instance, that can happen.
Arthur 2:12:
So the way I go about describing it is that we all have this identity of who we are in the world, and a lot of it is self-imposed. Most of it is self-imposed. But within that structure, we limit ourselves, right? So, for example, you could call yourself a small businessman, and automatically, I mean, that’s a generic term that a lot of people use, millions of people use. “I’m a small businessman, and I’m not a corporate or anything else.” But the minute you put that identity on—”small businessman”—that can be limiting in itself, right? And so there are identities that we take on, names or labels that automatically start limiting ourselves because we live through that and we don’t do it consciously. Of course, no one wants to be a small businessman all their life or all their working life. But in that instance, that can happen.
Tim Matthews 4:23:
Yeah, I think probably the easiest way to describe that one is like lottery winners, right? Yeah, they win a ton of money and lose it all within a year because their internal thermostat is set to being broke, right? It’s uncomfortable having money, so it unsettles them. I think there’s one other thing I’d add to that as well. I think a piece of Upper Limiting is how somebody’s nervous system can become wired too. It’s a different kind of angle, rather than identity and the thermostat, which I think are great ones. But if my nervous system has become wired for chaos, right? Because I’ve been going through a certain season of my life, be it building a business, be it raising a young family, whatever it may be, and then I enter into a period where I’ve got more space. Maybe I’ve built my business and it doesn’t really need me, so I’ve got space, or the kids no longer demand as much from me, so again, I have space. That space can create angst because if somebody’s used to being busy and literally wired, neurologically and biochemically, to be in this fight or flight state, they’re going to find ways to recreate the chaos so that they can operate in that way. Then they do this through having a “save you” complex, right? We’ve had a lot of guys say to us how they resonate with the idea that, “Okay, I’m going to build it up. It’s going to go really well, and then it doesn’t need me. Then I’m going to start to meddle and it’s going to come crashing down so I can build it back up again.” Because when I build it back up, that’s when I get all the accolades, that’s where I get my significance, that’s where I begin really feeling good again because the spaciousness is too difficult for them to handle since they’re not getting the significance and the other things as well.
Tim Matthews 6:21:
I’m curious, Austin, what’s your experience with upper limits? Do you know much about it? Have you seen it play out in your life?
Austin 6:21:
I definitely have experienced it quite often. I think, for the first time this weekend, it was really brought to light for me. And I’m glad hearing your guys’ definition of it because that even just drives it home further for me. But one area that it always starts with for me has been fitness. It’s always been something where, like, I can get in shape and do, like, a P90X program back, you know, 10 years ago. I mean, it starts all the way back then, where I got in the best shape of my life, and then upper limit happens, and I just go right back, and I’m almost back to where I was 90 days later because I just fall back to those old habits—poor eating, you know, sitting at a desk all day, or whatever it may be. I’ve definitely gone past certain limits, but even in that next area of greatness for me, I still hit another upper limit. It’s almost like a repeat loop of that, where I can be in the best shape of my life and then—. But you know, to some degree, some of that is seasons, though, where you just have a busy season. That would be kind of my pushback on that too. I think there’s another area for me to go in fitness as far as growth, you know, to look like this guy right here.
Andrew 7:33:
This guy from 20 years ago.
Austin 7:36:
But you know what I mean? For me, I feel like I just get complacent almost, and I maybe make the excuse that it’s the season. I don’t know. It’s a little bit of both for me.
Tim Matthews 7:47:
It’s easy to do as well, right? Because that’s the thing. With upper limits, there’s often excuses for yourself. Well, yeah, and especially with you guys. You guys are very smart guys. A lot of the listeners are very intelligent men, so therefore, the excuses and the stories you also tell yourself are very intelligent, so they’re very believable. So, yeah, it is important to be able to find the truth within the upper limit, right? Is it a season? Is it a pattern? My question, I guess my pushback rather than question, would be: if it’s a pattern, then I’d argue that maybe it’s not a season. Because if there’s a part of this happening throughout your life over a period of time, then is it really the season, or is this just kind of part of the pattern of being stuck in this upper limit?
Arthur 8:32:
Yeah, I would say fitness. For me, it’s more of a pattern.
Andrew 8:37:
I agree with that for myself on the fitness level. I mean, I was in incredible shape in my late 20s, and then I just, boom, stopped. Didn’t work out for six years, got fat, lost a lot of muscle, then I jumped back in, got into pretty damn good shape again, and boom, stopped. Haven’t lifted for 14 years now. Now I’m just starting it. So why do I do that to myself? Am I ever going to go back to that level? I don’t need to. But what’s resonating more with me about this conversation, in a sense, is thinking about people even coming through The Activation Method, and then they say, “Oh no, I’m good now.” And then they go off and think they know everything, realize, “Oh shoot, I don’t. I don’t know it all yet.” And now, after being in it for a long time, you realize this journey never ends. This is a continual journey, and you have to, you know, self-growth—you have to keep going, or you’re going to fall back harder than you were when you started. So it’s really interesting.
Austin 9:28:
I think a degree of complacency sets in, like, automatically for me, where it’s like you get to that point of, “Oh, I fixed my marriage,” or “Oh, I got fit,” or “Oh, my business is good.” And then complacency sets in, and that’s where, like, the upper limit is, like, your mind is telling yourself, “It’s good now.”
Andrew 9:47:
Even outside of this movement, right? So, like, for me, I know personally, when I did The Activation Method, I took a break. I just thought I was good. And then, you know, months later, I jumped back into The Brotherhood. Now I know I’m never stopping. But you see other people who have trauma, and they deal with things like, “Oh no, I’m good. Now I dealt with that. I talked to a psychiatrist for two years.” It doesn’t work that way, and I don’t think it works that way.
Tim Matthews 10:10:
The thing that comes up for me as you guys are talking, which I love hearing you guys bounce back and forth, is what’s the reason why you’re doing something, right? If you’re doing something for external validation—getting in shape to look good, to attract women, to whatever it may be, or to build a business—if it’s for external validation, to get the validation of something outside of you, whether it’s a woman, whether it’s your family, whether it’s an award, whatever it may be, parents’ approval, whatever, right?
Doug Holt 10:47:
Hey guys, sorry to interrupt this episode, but the reality is, if you are watching or listening to this right now, then you are looking to better yourself, and I applaud you. You’re one of my people, and I want to give you the opportunity of taking massive action. So if you haven’t joined The Activation Method yet, it’s our flagship program. Do what thousands of other businessmen just like you have done, and take action. Be one of the one percenters that actually does the work and takes action. There’ll be a link in the description that’ll take you right to a page that’ll just give you more information. There is no obligation. Just go check it out and see if it’s a good fit for you. All right, let’s get back to this episode.
Tim Matthews 11:30:
And that’s a big piece of where the upper limit is going to come in. Because if you’re motivated thinking, “Hey, I’m going to do this thing, and then when I get the thing, I’m then going to just have, do, be, essentially, and then I’m going to feel good enough for whatever the thing may be,” and you don’t get it, so, “Well, what’s the point? I may as well just stop.” So internal versus external validation is really important, whereas if you’re doing it for you—to Arthur’s point, based on your identity and who you see yourself to be—so personally, for me, one of my values is growth. So for me to not grow, that would be out of alignment with how I see myself; it would be against my value system. Integrity is another piece of my value system. So for me to be out of integrity with myself, I just—I can’t imagine myself doing either of those two things because, again, to Arthur’s point, that’s how I see myself. That is my identity. Therefore, I can’t ever see myself experiencing an upper limit within my growth or my integrity, because it’s who I am. You were going to say something?
Arthur 12:42:
Yeah, I love what you’re saying, and I agree completely with that. The point I was going to make early on was the fact that we often feel the stress in our lives to do something, to fix something, right? And then we step up into that. Like you—you might have had a, say it was a girl, or say it was a competition, or whatever, you’re looking for that external validation. There’s a stress there that you’ve got to attend to, right? And then you get it, the stress dissipates, and you think, “Okay, it’s fixed, it’s done,” all right? But that’s the external validation, right?
Arthur 12:42:
The other thing is, like, when you buy a course, how many courses have we bought that we never finished, or books that we never finished because we feel the stress to do something. We go buy the course, and we think, “Okay, I’ve got the course now. I’m cool.” But most people don’t finish the courses. You know, it’s like a 3% or whatever. So when we look at what our motivation is, to your point, you know, if it’s an internal validation, open-ended, like growth, like contribution, like whatever, you can never actually reach an upper limit because you will always be—well, you can, because you can think you’re working towards it, but in fact, if you’re really working towards it, you will always be growing.
Arthur 13:07:
The way that you always—one way to ensure that you’re doing that is to obviously surround yourself with the right kind of people, because then you can’t bullshit yourself. You’ve always got that. And, you know, we’ve all heard the saying, “The five people you spend the most time with,” and all of that. You know, if you’re broke and you want to become wealthy, go sit with five wealthy people most of the time, yeah? Or, if you’re a millionaire and you want to become a billionaire, go sit with five billionaires for a while, right? You’ll adopt the consciousness and the thinking of the people that you spend the most time with. That works in reverse too. You know, if you go sit with five unhealthy people, guess what? After a while, you’re going to have those unhealthy habits as well because their standards are different. And I guess this is another part of this conversation: your standards. You know, you change your standards, you raise your standards, you change your life. And so that feeds into this outside eyes in: who’s watching you, who’s feeding back to you, who’s helping you keep accountable. So we don’t believe the stories, the lies that we create, as well as are the standards that we employ to keep us leveling up continuously without falling back.
Andrew 15:08:
Yeah, Tim hit it right on the head, though, with the values and vision. If you don’t have a path forward, you’re just doing something. There’s no end goal to it, right? So if I said I was going to get down to 12% body fat, I get there, okay, what do I do now? Do I just go to 20% next week, you know? I mean, you could do that, but you have to have a long-term vision. No, it’s maintaining that. It’s being healthy. So it’s, yeah, it’s interesting.
Tim Matthews 15:28:
I love what you’re talking about with the stress too, because what came for me is the idea of being pushed by pain versus pulled by pleasure. If you’re forever pushed by pain, that means you’re motivated to move away from pain, to move away from something. So the idea of somebody who was broke as a child who said, “I’m never going to be broke again,” you know, so many athletes and rich people talk about this, right? “Hey, I’m never going to be broke again.” So they’re driven and driven and driven and driven. Yet no matter how much they have, they always feel broke because they’re constantly driven by the pain of not being broke. So they’re always going and going and going, whereas it’s totally possible, by doing a bit of work on yourself, in fairness, to be pulled by pleasure. Being pulled by pleasure means consciously choosing where you want to go, and giving yourself permission to be pulled by something that excites you, that you really want, that you’re consciously choosing, right? It’s a very different energy to come from. And when you’re pushed by pain, it’s far easier to upper limit than when you’re pulled by pleasure, because being pushed by pain means, typically, that you’re unconsciously driven. Yes, somebody who’s been broke, who’s driven to be rich, may understand that they’ve been broke, but they don’t understand, typically, the unconscious story that they’re telling themselves that’s driving them to move away from the pain because if they did understand it, they’d stop saying it. We know people, right, that are very wealthy yet feel broke, and regardless of how much money they have in the bank—could be 10 million, 20 million, whatever—they won’t buy themselves a new pair of Ray-Bans or even underwear, right?
Andrew 17:41:
I just have to say for the people listening, “trainers” means “sneakers,” and I just learned that yesterday.
Tim Matthews 17:50:
So let’s leave the listeners with some action steps here. Let’s say someone’s resonating with this, right? Let’s say you were listening to this a week ago and you’re resonating with it. I want to give the guys some action steps on what they can do. Let’s go for one each to be able to break through this upper limit.
Arthur 18:07:
I would say, you know, hitting it with the values, right? If you’re going to be actionable and be pulled by pleasure, having a sense of values for what you represent, what you want your life to be about is a good place to start. You know, I have a vision statement for life, obviously, and I think many of the men in the movement do, especially after being through The Activation Method and whatnot. But, you know, I use the EOS structure, which is like the VTO. I actually have that for personal life, and I’ve gone through so faith, love, freedom, leadership, and joy. And the freedom aspect, for me, is kind of like that abundance of time, energy, and money, and so that energy, I kind of tie that freedom to also being fit. So for me, you know, I think one of the things that I realized this weekend was that I wasn’t playing all out on my values. And so that, like going back to even, you know, love and that component of me giving my time more to my family instead of to my business—I feel like I’ve been opposite ever since some of the business things that I’ve been involved in over the last year and a half, two years. And just getting back to that foundation, I feel like that I could attribute to being a season, right? And just noticing that, instead of it being an upper limit, that was a season of busyness for me. But now that that season’s kind of like, okay, the dust is settled. Now it’s like, this weekend, I was like, damn, I just need to get back to my values. And if I didn’t have values to base that off of, I would still be wondering, “Who the fuck am I?”
Tim Matthews 19:42:
I love that.
Andrew 19:44:
Yeah, I guess, I mean, I would say I would use the word vision, but I think if you have a strong vision of what you want—I think the question that’s coming up for me is the “why.” So you have a goal that you want to achieve; what’s the why behind it? Are you just doing it because someone else said you should do it? Are you ever going to put everything into it? I think you have to have a strong why, saying, “Well, I need to do this because if I don’t do this, I’m so unhealthy that I could possibly, you know, have health issues,” and whatever. So there has to be a very strong why for you to commit to it and do it and keep doing it. Otherwise, you’ll hit that upper limit and you say, “Okay, I did it because it wasn’t for me. I didn’t truly believe it,” right? So I think there’s something to really feeling it from the heart.
Arthur 20:24:
I would say another component of the why is, like, the passion behind it. Like, you have to feel it.
Andrew 20:29:
Yeah, if you don’t have passion, you’re just going through the motions, right? You’re going to do it for a little bit and then, okay, you know.
Arthur 20:38:
And I think having the passion is really, you’re pulled by the pleasure.
Tim Matthews 20:42:
I love that.
Arthur 20:45:
I think getting really, really clear on what is true for you, being authentic with yourself. A lot of times, we chase goals either because we think that’s what we should get or we shouldn’t. That’s going to limit us anyway, because we’re not really committed to those goals. You know, we’ll run down the highway, we’re chasing them for years, and then suddenly realize, “Actually, that’s not my goal.” So getting really clear on what— and I suppose it connects with the values that you guys are talking about. It’s authentic goals, being clear on those goals, as well as surrounding yourself with the right people who are going, or are where you want to go.
Tim Matthews 21:23:
Wow, it’s tough to go fourth. You guys have three great ones. I’d like to say I’ve stolen mine. Yeah, I was going to say environment as well. I’m thinking of somebody who’s listening to this, resonating with the idea of bouncing off upper limits. What can they do? Well, the first thing is to get themselves in a different environment where they can be around people that have what they have. Obviously, you got to resonate with the people. I think it’s more than just them having what you have, but environment is one of the greatest predictors of performance, right?
Austin 21:56:
It’s not just the stuff; it’s the mindset.
Tim Matthews 21:58:
Yeah, big time. I think, be around people with the right values who understand where they’re going, understand why they’re getting there, and are doing it for the right reasons. You know, all those things go hand in hand, in my opinion, in finding the right people. I think it’s important to get to the root cause. You know, if this resonates with you, this idea of upper limits, then I think it’s important to get to the root cause of why it’s happening. And in my experience, talking about it isn’t going to work, because usually, whether it’s a thermostat, whether it’s an identity, whether it’s your nervous system, whatever it may be, it usually all comes back to an emotional root cause. And, you know, oftentimes it’s not feeling good enough, fear of rejection, wanting to get approval.
Andrew 22:56:
What would actually happen if I actually got my goal, right? What would I do then?
Tim Matthews 23:00:
Not feeling worthy, all sorts. So, you know, obviously I’d love to say, go through the Alpha Reset, because in my opinion, that’s one of the fastest ways for you to get to the root cause of emotionally what’s usually holding you back and causing you to have an upper limit. But regardless of whether it’s the Alpha Reset, just do something to get to the emotional root cause. It doesn’t involve talking, because talking about it isn’t going to get you there. You’ve got to go to the emotional root cause, feel it, express, and move through the emotion. And on the other side of that is a greater sense of connection to yourself and a greater sense of freedom, through which you’re able to be pulled by pleasure, be clear on your values, be clear on your vision, the why, and surround yourself with people. So, yeah. Guys, thank you for being on, amazing conversation. It’s made me reflect on a lot of things as well. So guys, thank you for joining us for another episode of the TPM Show. I will see you next time on the TPM Show.
