Episode #1090
Most men don’t realize they’re drifting until it’s already been years. Life feels “fine” on the surface, business is steady, the marriage isn't falling apart, the kids are growing up, but deep down, you know something’s off. That fire, that drive you once had? It’s gone.
In this episode, Doug and Tim break down what “the drift” actually is, how it silently pulls high-performing men into a rut, and why so many stay stuck for years. They unpack how good habits and strong traits can eventually trap you, why predictability is a relationship killer, and what it takes to reset your life without blowing everything up.
You’ll hear real stories of men who looked successful from the outside but were checked out on the inside. We cover how guilt, routine, and the “nice guy” trap keep men playing small. There’s also a clear reason why going it alone rarely works. You need challenge, you need truth, and you need it from other men who’ve already done the work. This isn’t about hype or hacks, it’s about getting honest with where you are and what you’re actually here for.
If you're ready to break out of the drift and want a clear plan to get your passion, power, and connection back, check out the free training at fixmarriage.thepowerfulman.com/scales. It's a simple first step, but it’ll show you exactly what’s broken and how to start fixing it.
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Head over to our BONUS page for special access to some of the deeper tactics and techniques we’ve developed at The Powerful Man.
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Doug Holt 0:00
I've been drifting, and now it's time to change.
Tim Matthews 0:03
On the surface, things are not really that bad.
Doug Holt 0:07
Living a life that's average isn't what you're designed for.
Tim Matthews 0:11
But they just don't have that spark that they used to have. They have that fire.
Doug Holt 0:15
They become predictable, which is a turn off for women, by the way.
Tim Matthews 0:19
To get out of the drift, you've got to be challenged. You've got to confront what's been keeping you in it the entire time.
Doug Holt 0:25
A lot of the reasons you got into the drift are strengths of yours. They just do not serve you anymore.
Doug Holt 0:42
Hey guys, welcome back to The Powerful Man Show. Today we're going to talk about the silent killer, the killer that creeps up on most men and they don't even know it. And today I am joined by my co-host. He is back. Tim Matthews, how you doing, brother? I'm doing fantastic. How are you? Good, man. It's good to have you back on the show with me.
Tim Matthews 1:03
It's nice to record with you again. It's been a little while.
Doug Holt 1:07
It has been a little while. So, Tim, today we're going to talk about this idea of the drift, and this is something that you and I see happen to a lot of men. We call it the silent killer for a reason. When men end up in no man's land and they don't know what to do. Tell me, what's your experience with the drift?
Tim Matthews 1:25
I think for a lot of guys, it's really confusing, because on the surface, things are not really that bad. You know, the marriage is okay, the business is kind of just ticking away as well. It's moving along, but they just don't have that spark that they used to have. They don't have that fire that they're so used to having, that fire that makes them feel alive and just a bit between the teeth where they're hungry and driven and all that kind of stuff that goes with it. So it's kind of confusing for them. It really is. They don't want to make a big deal out of it, because, like I said, on the surface, things don't seem that bad, but equally, they know they are not the man they used to be. So it's kind of like this limbo. So it can creep up on guys, and they can stay drifting for quite some time.
Doug Holt 2:19
I think a lot of guys get into their normal routines, right? You know, for me, the story was you go to college, you graduate from university, you get a good job. I ended up starting my own companies. You're going through life, you're knocking out shit, you're conquering the world. You get married, you throw a few kids into the mix, and that's where things start to drift for me, at least, right? Because you're not babies here, you're not sleeping, right? You're just not sleeping. You're working harder, because now you're like, oh my gosh, diapers cost this much money, and you're working hard. Meanwhile, you throw another kid in the mix, and now you're in routines, because now you're doing baseball practice, soccer practice, Jiu Jitsu, and it's easy to fall into those routines. And you wake up, you look in the mirror, and you go, where does gray come from? For me, I got a lot, but I'm past that stage. And you start to realize that you are running on autopilot. And the worst thing that happens for a lot of men is they start trying to survive off hopium, right? They're just hoping things will get better. Hey, when my son and daughter turn five, then they'll be able to take care of themselves. Then I can go live my dreams. I go travel around the world, etc. You and I are going to Japan with about 40 other business leaders. It's going to be epic. But most men only dream of that kind of reality. They don't ever experience it. And they think, well, next year I'll be able to do that, or five years from now I'll be able to do that. And that future never comes. And so they just start drifting.
Tim Matthews 3:56
We see a lot with the guys in the Inner Circle. As you know, the Inner Circle is our high-end mastermind. We cap at 15 guys. The guys invest, you know, upwards of six figures to be in there. Amazing men, guys. And those guys are men who, typically, their kids are a bit older. You know, their kids are usually between, what, late teens, early 20s, even older. And this drift is something that just continues. It's crept up on them bit by bit. And as the kids start to reclaim some, well, not reclaim, but as the kids start to find their own identity and their own place, and they start to spend more time out of the house, be it going to college or activities or friends or whatever it may be, it kind of creates this vacuum where they've now got more time on their hands, but they don't know what to do with it, because this drift has been going on. And again, it's this weird mixture of guilt. They start to feel guilty for doing things for themselves. There's been a reduction in capacity as well over the years, but now they have a little bit more capacity, but they don't know what to do with it, right? And they've become a little bit disenfranchised with the business for whatever reason. It just doesn't excite them in the same way business in general does, but they just don't seem to be able to find that fire that they once had. But it's really cool to see them get it back, because the guys that we work with for a while, they rediscover it. They get it back. And on the other side of it, it's really cool to see.
Doug Holt 5:34
The cool part about it is, is when you're in your 20s and even your 30s, you have that mojo about you, especially your 20s. You have that bravado, that confidence that men have, and you're crushing it. You're out there crushing the world. And your wisdom is low, but your mojo is high. And over time, those scales tip, right? So you get into your 40s, wisdom is super high. You've got lots of, you know, rubber on the road, so to speak, and lots of lived experiences, lots of learned experiences and growth. But you lose that passion if you're not following your passion or your purpose. And I know that sounds very whimsical, if you will, like, you know, I gotta follow my passion, I gotta follow my purpose. But the truth is, when you're out there hustling, you can grind it away for a decade or two, but then it starts to grind you away.
And there's a difference between pushing hard at something, right? So I pushed hard for a long time at my businesses, just getting them, pushing them up a hill, right? And you want to get them there, working longer hours, drinking more caffeine, taking energy drinks to stay up, working the weekends with this dream of someday, right? Someday this is all going to change. But when you're being pulled by your passion, you're being pulled by something that is calling to you, you jump out of bed. You know, you have a little more vigor in your step. You're excited, like I'm excited to be here with you, you know, doing this podcast, doing this show. And so you have a little bit more bounce in your step.
The issue is a lot of men that we work with hit their 40s. Like mid-40s usually is when I start seeing it. And of course, some guys do it in their 30s. We had a guy at the last Alpha Reset, which is our four-day transformational experience. He was 30 years old, right? And he just got it earlier, right? So he's going to get that lift earlier too. And we've had guys in their late 60s. But somewhere around 45 to 50 is where I start to really see it double down.
And what happens around that time? They've been in the drift for so long. They have the wisdom, but they've been relying on hopium, and they've lost that spark. And most guys just go, screw it. This is the way it's going to be. This is the way life is. I've got no choice in the matter. I'm just going to bite down and, you know, crack a few beers, watch the football game, and call it a day. What they don't realize, though, is there is another side to this. You can get unstuck, get clear on your next steps, but it does require work, right?
I don't want to act like this is just something where you go, oh, you know, I'm going to manifest or think about it being better. It doesn't work that way, in my experience. And we've worked with thousands of men at this point. So I told a guy the other day, Tim, I go, you have one data point. I have thousands. You know, you have one data point in your story. I have thousands. And he's like, oh shit. I go, trust whoever you want to trust, and I've got no skin in the game. I just want to help you. And so he got that, and it clicked.
And that's when you see men start to wake up out of the drift. You know, all of a sudden they start noticing, wait a minute, I've been drifting, and now it's time to change. I need to do something different than I am currently doing. You know, living a life that's average isn't what you're designed for. You're not here for average. You're not here to be drifting. You're not here to be just cruising along. You're here to suck the marrow out of life, whatever that looks like for you. You're here to go on trips like Japan with another 40 awesome men and have epic adventures, grow with epic growth, and do it with epic people.
There's a lot of great guys out there who are waking up from the drift. It's almost like unplugging from the Matrix. They're waking up, they're getting real with what life has to offer, and now they're taking advantage of it.
Tim Matthews 9:24
I love that you said it so well. Do you think part of this as well is that guys fall into this because they just get so used to, over that 10, 20-year period, just sacrificing what it is that they want, that over time they just end up, oh well, this is the way it is?
Doug Holt 9:39
I think that's part of it. I think there's a lot of things at play, right? So if the man's married or in a long-term partnership, he's got a partner to consider, right? The problem is a lot of guys fall into nice guy syndrome, and they cater to that partner's needs instead of catering to their own. Now, you can do both, right? And you can have both separate.
So in my marriage, as an example, Erin's going on a retreat soon. I'm going to Japan. She's going back to New Hampshire. Together, we're doing a trip to Mexico. We're doing a family event tomorrow, Friday. We're doing a breathwork course together. You know, we've got babysitters. Shout out to Darcy. Thank you for that gift. And so we're doing these things together.
But most men think, oh, I have to do everything my wife wants to do, my partner. And so they've sacrificed a part of themselves to do that. And the thing that comes back that I hear a lot is they feel selfish. I feel selfish if I were, I'll keep using Japan, or we're going to Spain. We're taking a group of men to Valencia, Spain, in October. I couldn't do that. You know, the kids are in school. I'll be leaving my wife for a week. Man, but you come back a better man, a better husband, a better father every time.
And so guys that get caught in this drift, Tim, they feel like they're sacrificing for other people, but they also just don't know what to do anymore. They've been in this pattern, right? Wake up in the morning, have a cup of coffee, eat breakfast, get the kids off to school, go to the office. Now the office is in the home for most people these days, it seems. But they go to their office. They walk there. They have lunch at the same time. They become predictable, which is a turn-off for women, by the way. But they also become predictable to themselves. They go to the gym at the same time, or they don't go. And so now they get caught in this pattern. And the fear, I think, comes: if I change this pattern, everything will fall apart, or they don't know what the next change should be.
Tim Matthews 11:42
You definitely see, or I definitely see, analysis paralysis for sure. And I think there's a huge lack of role models as well. They might see people on social media, guys in their 40s or 50s or whatever it may be, who seem to have escaped the drift, but they're also not real to them, right? They typically don't have any real-world examples of men close to them who have escaped the drift. And I think that's one of the things that's so powerful. When the guys come into the program, like the Inner Circle, you've then got a guy who's just like you who has escaped the drift. You realize, oh, this guy's no different. He's had similar struggles. Well, if he can do it, I can do it too. And they start to, well, success leaves clues, right? And it just becomes, they kind of just learn through osmosis, right? As you see that guy continue to escape the drift, they try, oh, maybe I'll try what he did. Oh no, I'll do that. And it's really cool to see. It really helps them to get out of it quickly.
Doug Holt 12:45
Well, you're the product of the people you spend the most time with, right? So if I hung out with five guys that run all the time, chances are I would become a runner. If I hung out with guys that just drank beer every night after work, chances are I'd be drinking beer every night. So then, when you start surrounding yourself with high-performing businessmen who are there to better themselves, for themselves and for their families, right? You’ve got guys that have high moral standards, high drive, high IQ, and high EQ, and they want to have fun. Like, we do some fun things, but we also have a growth element in there, right? They're meeting on a weekly basis. There's a rhythm that keeps you accountable.
So I don't know if it's by osmosis, but it's by proximity, is what I would say. They're changing by proximity. Because at the end of the day, if I show up to an IC, an Inner Circle event, or a Brotherhood event, The Brotherhood is similar. If I go to a Brotherhood event and I say, hey guys, I'm going to start a new business, and this is what I'm going to do, they're going to drill me with questions. Why do you want to start a new business? What's the goal? What's really going on? And after they've distilled it, if I still want to start this business, the next time I show up, Tim, those guys are going to be like, hey, have you taken action? Why not? They're going to be pushing me, and I'm going to push them too.
And now you have this synergistic feel. That's why we call it a brotherhood. It's a synergistic feel where everybody's working to help everybody else achieve their goals. And it becomes almost competitive. They're competitive dudes, and it's competitive on how much you can help somebody else out. You know, you get to know their families, their kids, you hear about them. And then some real emotion comes up too. This is real life, so it's not always easy.
And when you have a group around you that's there, it's easier for them to pull you out of the drift, because that's another thing. Guys can get sucked into the drift for 20 years or so. They can get out and go back in. And we see it all the time with guys that go into The Brotherhood, think, oh, I've got it all figured out. They leave, and we follow up with them, and they're like, oh, things aren't working as well as they thought they would.
That's true. You don't go to the gym, get in good shape, and say, I've done it. I don't have to go to the gym anymore. I can go back to eating pizza and drinking beer, call it a day, and stay in good shape. No. You lose your muscle, you lose your cardio, you get fat, you lose your flexibility. We all know that. But for some reason, when it comes to personal development, business development, growth, which we all need to be doing, we miss that connection that we need to keep doing this.
This is like going to the gym. You need to put this in the brush-your-teeth category, not the get-a-massage category, right? You do it daily, not every once in a while when it's convenient. And so when men find themselves in the drift, usually the signs I see from these guys are they’re stuck. They don't know what to do next. They're a little bit lost. And as guys, we don't like talking about that. You don't go talk to your buddies, your mates, about, hey, you know, I'm lost. You just don't say that kind of stuff. Hey, I'm a little stuck. Maybe it creeps out once or twice, but you don't come back to it.
And so that's where it gets dangerous. You start what we call lone-wolfing it. You're by yourself out there. When you're by yourself out there, you have no data feedback. You have no one feeding anything back to you, so you're stuck in your own head. And that's where the problem was created in the first place.
You need to have somebody. One, I think you get an expert coach. I'm a fan of coaching. Obviously, I'm a byproduct of coaching. I am a coach, so I'm biased there, but it's worked for me, and I've seen it work for tens of thousands of other guys. So I've got a lot of data bias on that. It doesn't have to be a coach with TPM, but you could.
The second thing you need to do is surround yourself, in proximity, with like-minded men. And I say men very purposefully. Women are great too, but we're different. We're just different. And so in society, we need to stop pretending that men and women are the same. We have different hormones. We have different anatomy pieces, right? And I'm sure I'll get slammed because of people's political views or gender views, but it's just biologically the truth.
So surround yourself with other dudes, other masculine men. And when I say masculine, I also want to give an asterisk there. I'm not talking about guys that beat their chest, go out and shoot guns, and eat raw meat. No, it's not that. They could, but it's about guys who are courageous enough to make changes, guys who want to make a difference in the world, men who want to take care of their families. They're good-hearted people, and they're doing it not just for themselves, but for others.
You surround yourself with that group of guys, you will lift up again. It's like hanging out with runners. If I hung out with just runners, I would become a runner, right? So why wouldn't I think the same in other areas of my life? If I want to get better at business, and I'm a businessman, so I do, then I'll hang out with other businessmen. If I want to get better at being a dad, I want to hang out with other dads, not just other dads, but dads trying to become better, or who are ahead of the game, farther than I am. And by proximity, I will be pulled out of the drift in those areas.
But you've got to do the inward work first. The drift is not about external work. It's about going inside yourself and figuring out, how did I get here, right? What do I want? Get to the truth of it, and then you kind of reclaim that extra passion.
Tim Matthews 18:26
There's a big piece of getting out of the drift where you have to be challenged by other men. And other men you respect as well. Men whose results you would want, and men who challenge you in a particular way. And you're just not going to get that from, like you say, women. Nothing against them, obviously.
Doug Holt 18:45
Hey guys, I just want to share something with you. I'm sure we can both agree that in order to fix something, you need to know what's broken. And not only do you need to know what's broken, but you also need a step-by-step methodology on how you can fix it. That's the easiest way to do it, right? Otherwise, you're going to be toiling with things.
That's why I created a free training. A training that not only shows you how you got to where you are, where your relationship is missing that love, respect, admiration, and even intimacy that it used to have, but also how you get it back. How do you retain that? Where your wife's looking at you the same way she used to look at you when she said, I do. You know, I don't know about you, but for me, when my wife looks at me like I'm her man, that feels like I can conquer the world. And I want that for you.
Simply go over to thepowerfulman.com/scales. That's thepowerfulman.com/scales. And I have a free video training for you. You can just click play and see if this resonates for you. Now, back to the podcast.
Tim Matthews 19:48
You know, if you get it from your partner, your wife, whoever it may be, most guys will go into DM mode. And it's just, you know, it's different. You've got to get it from a group of guys, high-level, who have got what you want and who are going where you want to go as well.
Doug Holt 20:03
Iron sharpens iron. There are all these old sayings that are out there, these axioms, and they're there for a reason. They're there because it's true. You know, if you said, hey, I'm reading this book, it's Jocko Willink's book, Warrior Kid, to my son, right? You know, and my daughter's there too. Iron sharpens iron.
And if I told you, I want you to build me the ultimate knight. Go back to medieval times. I want the best knight in the world. This knight is going to be charged with defending your family. That's their only role, and the bad guys are coming. What's the first image that comes into your mind? Is it a feminine woman, or is it a masculine dude? And do you want that knight training sword fighting with other knights, other badass dudes, or do you want him training with people who are weak and lazy? No. You want him training with the baddest dudes ever, right? Because you know that if he's trained with the baddest guys, he'll level up. He might get his butt kicked all the time, but he'll level up.
The same thing goes with you. If you want to get out of the drift, you need to hang out with guys who are either on their way out of the drift or who are out and have done the work. It's not easy. I said that at the beginning. It's not. But nothing in your life is.
So look, I took Bodie, my son, and his buddy Jack to jiu jitsu class last night. The four o'clock class is his age group. We went to the five o'clock class. So my son is eight years old. The five o'clock class is for 10 to 14-year-olds. Big difference in development. But the instructor called me in and said, hey, I think they might enjoy this better. Your kid's a big kid. He can handle it. He got his ass handed to him. I mean, every time. These kids just ripped him a new one.
So this is why I was reading the Jocko lesson. And I go, look, man, I had older brothers, and so they kicked the crap out of me. They beat me at every sport all the time. But when I went to play against kids my own age, I crushed them. I crushed them because I was forged by something much stronger, much harder than myself. And that's what I want Bodie to do. I go, dude, if you do this for a month, just a month, it could suck, right? But if you suck it up, embrace the hard, and then we'll go back to the other class, I promise you, you will crush all the other kids.
And it's not about crushing the other kids, but he'll have such a better understanding. And again, I'm going to say it, proximity. Proximity. But also doing the hard work. You get to do it.
You want to build a business? It's not easy. It's not easy managing payroll all the time. It's not easy managing hundreds of people. Or maybe it's just one person, or you're a solopreneur. It's not easy. When everybody else checks off at 5 p.m. and you're still in your head worrying about all the things that are going on. The game of business isn't easy, especially if you want to strive and be good at it.
And the same thing with life and the drift. If you want to get out, it's not necessarily easy. We have a TPM pathway, right? We call it the Ascension Blueprint. We started doing the Ascension Blueprint about 9 or 10 years ago. So we've been doing this for a long time, helping men with this exact issue. And we don't talk about it as much on the podcast or the show. I think we should start doing it more.
Tim, in fact, we have a group going through it right now, and the group is full. I believe there might be one spot open, but they start next week, next Tuesday, the 27th. So when this podcast comes out, they'll either be in their first week or already underway. And that's a cohort of men. Nine guys. We keep the groups really small so we can guarantee the results. Is it a good business plan? Probably not. But that's not why Tim and I do this. We do it because we want to impact people.
From a business stance, it's good because if you sign up for the Ascension Blueprint or The Activation Method, which is our program for relationships, and you get amazing results, odds are you're going to continue working with us. So it's a win-win-win. A win for you, a win for us, and a win for the family that you have and care about.
But you've got to get yourself out of the drift. The number two cause of death in the United States, and I think it's number one in the UK, is suicide for men our age. If you look at the CDC website in America, and I don't know what it is in the UK, Tim, but I believe it starts around ages 12 to 45 or 46. Number two cause of death. Not heart disease. Not stroke. Not diabetes. It's suicide.
The number one cause is accidental death. Those are guys driving off the side of the road, hitting a telephone pole, killing themselves to collect insurance money, or something along those lines. Yet we don't talk about it in society. We allow men just to drift because there's not a lot of great plans for guys. And that's why we came up with this plan.
We've got hundreds and hundreds of testimonials from men who've been through it and come out the other side. I have a good friend of mine going through one of our programs right now. He got caught in the drift. Too much stress, too much going on in his life. And he has completely done a 180. It is so awesome for me to see his journey, to see his interactions with his family. I see him twice a week. We work out in my garage. We call it the DILF workout. And he's completely changed.
All the guys comment on it. Like, dude, your energy is so much different. And that's because, unfortunately for him, something hard had to happen to shake him up. His wife approached me and said, hey, I've met the guys who've been through the program. She's been to the ranch. She actually bartended for us. She's a good friend of mine. And she said, I need him to go through this program. This is life or death.
I talked to him, and he said, this is life or death. I need this. My wife has met the guys, and I trust you. And he switched. And that's proximity again. He had proximal location to me. I don't talk about what I do with the other dads. We're just guys getting together. You need that proximity.
If you don't have it near you, go get it. You're not going to get out of the drift on your own. Guys, it's not going to happen. If you could do it, you would have done it. Let's just be real. If you could do it, you would have done it.
So be smart. Be an intelligent man and get help. It doesn't have to be through TPM, but go somewhere. I honestly do not know of another program that works on this particular problem. I just don't. Sure, it's out there somewhere, but after 10 years, I think I would have heard about it.
But do something. You've got to take massive action. Guys, life is too short not to.
Tim Matthews 27:40
It’s so true. You know, men grow through challenge, right? And that’s what’s distinctly lacking in the drift. There’s been no challenge. Well, the challenge probably looks a bit different, right? Like you say, kids and so on, but that steel sharpens steel. There is a distinct lack of it. There’s a lot of loneliness.
The five agonies exist in that place as well. You’ve got greed, which is the feeling that no matter what you have, it’s never enough. You’ve got anger, because naturally, they can’t solve the problem, and these guys are problem solvers. It’s the fact they can’t get out of the drift themselves. They get frustrated, which then leads to the third agony of shame, because they lash out at the people they love. That’s shouting at the kids for acting their age, or giving the cold shoulder to the wife, or whatever it may be.
Which leads to the fourth agony of loneliness. They start to pull away. They start to withdraw, which then leads to the fifth agony of uncertainty. Because, you know, how long can this continue? Which domino is going to fall first? Will it be my business, because I’m just so stressed? Will it be my home life, because I’m absent? Will it be myself, because I’m not sleeping well, or whatever it may be?
But you’ve got to get out of the drift. However you get out of it, TPM or otherwise, you’ve got to get out of it. Because it is the silent killer that underpins the suicide that we see. It’s tragic, and it’s unnecessary. It’s just not needed.
Doug Holt 28:58
It’s not needed, man. And the drift doesn’t happen to bad guys, per se, right? This last Alpha Reset that I co-led with Coach Neil, we had a guy there. He’s like, dude, my hero, my best friend. We’re in a $200 million company. Had the kids, had the body, had everything. You check every friggin’ box, right? So to speak. Kills himself. Nobody expected it. He was suffering in silence, right? And that happens to so many men.
And you don’t have to, guys. Again, if you’re in that situation, call somebody. Go out and get somebody. Shoot, if you’ve got my number, certainly reach out to me. Call somebody to get there. It doesn’t have to get that bad. But what happens for most guys is it doesn’t get that bad until it does, right? Because the drift creeps up on you. It’s just kind of this slow knowing and feeling like there’s something more out there, like an erosion. Like, I know I’m meant for more. I know I’m meant for more. I’m just not sure how to get it.
One of our coaches, Arthur, for the guys that are in the movement, you know Arthur. This is why Arthur entered TPM. He was a client of ours for a long time. He was in what we now call the Brotherhood for a long, long time. And he was called to help other men, and we moved him up the ranks, taught him, and guided him to be here.
But you don’t realize, for a lot of guys, we have another coach, Coach Franco, same thing. He was in the drift, right? He figured it out. Franco was in Wales, right? Arthur was in Cyprus, I think, at the time. And they figured out that they were in the drift, and they reached out. I know Arthur went to, gosh, it was like 20 different places before he found—
Tim Matthews 30:49
He was searching all over.
Doug Holt 30:53
All over the world. And I remember him, because you and I led his Alpha Reset. I remember him saying, you’re at another event, you’re yelling at yourself, basically, when is this going to change? And that’s when, at the reset, he started getting the aha moments.
And guys, if you’ve been to a reset, you’ve been to one of our Alpha Reset experiences, day two. If you know, you know, as we always say. That’s where he got the switch. And he went back and kept growing and growing and growing. And now that guy, I don’t know if many humans are living a better life than Arthur. He’s really got kind of everything he wants in life. And it’s because he’s designed it. He’s figured it out, and he’s still getting coached. The coaching doesn’t end.
Tim Matthews 31:44
It’s why it’s called the reset, for a reason, right? When guys are in the drift, they just feel like they need to reset. They need to hit that reset button so they can keep all the good stuff they have in their life, you know, but massively up-level and let go of the things that are not working for them. And it’s very confrontational, as a reset, but that’s what’s needed to get out of the drift. You’ve got to be challenged. You’ve got to confront what’s been keeping you in it the entire time.
Doug Holt 32:12
I know you’re talking about my resets are just Kumbaya. We’re hanging out and sitting by the pool getting tan. It’s so funny to see guys show up to the reset. You know, we add an element of mystery, guys, into all of our events, really, but it adds to the impact of the transformational experience.
You know, most men are so used to clamoring for control, clamoring to control everything around them. And that’s a defense mechanism that comes from childhood. You know, now it’s gotten a lot of guys a lot of places. You know, the drift where you are now, a lot of the reasons you got into the drift are strengths of yours. I know it sounds weird, so I’ll say it again. A lot of the reasons you got into the drift are strengths of yours. They just do not serve you anymore.
They become patterns that you’ve learned over time, most of you decades. They don’t serve you the same way. They just don’t. You need to upgrade. I got the new iPhone 17 Pro Max. Love it. Cool little new toy, right? I’ve already updated that software within two weeks, twice. When’s the last time you updated your software? The software in your head. When was the last time you did it twice in two weeks, right?
So if you think you get to update your technology, the technology that really runs everything is how I interact with this technology that’s between your ears. That’s your belief systems, your thoughts. When I say belief systems, I’m not talking about Christianity, Judaism, being Muslim, being atheist, agnostic, whatever. This works for everybody. It has nothing to do with that. It will enhance that part of you, because really, we’re stripping away the BS, right? These BS patterns.
And that’s what the Ascension Blueprint does. It gives you a blueprint, a pattern to follow, so you can identify these shifts, and then you can unplug. The most common thing I hear from guys that go through the Ascension Blueprint, and also go through a reset, because they go together, those two programs are not separated, they’re not bifurcated like they are in other programs. They go through the Ascension Blueprint and then right into a reset.
And the most common thing I hear from those guys, Tim, the most common thing, is, I feel like I just got unplugged from the Matrix. I can now see clearly. And it’s an awesome feeling to walk alongside those guys as they go through that. They go home to their families lighter, clearer. They start driving their relationships, and they realize, oh crap, I have an awesome marriage. Oh crap, I have great kids. Oh crap, I have a great career, or something else I want to do.
And it’s just, it’s the reason I do what we do. It’s just helping those men and watching them rediscover the man that’s always been in there. The difference, the cool thing, I’m getting pumped about this because I get excited. The cool thing is, here I am, I’m going to be 49 in a couple months. Crazy, right? A couple months here. Two months, I’ll be 49. Having the wisdom of being 49, but having the passion of being 19 or my early 20s, that’s friggin’ great. That is awesome, right?
I wish I had the wisdom back when I was 19 or 20, but it would have changed some of the things I did, right? I always joke with guys, you wouldn’t let that version of yourself run your house or run your business. And I hope next year I say the same thing. I hope next year I say, geez, the 48-year-old version of Doug could have done so much better, because I hope I’m always growing. And if I stay on this trajectory, I will. I’ll look back when I’m 60 and laugh at me at 50.
But you can’t do that if you’re in the drift. If you’re in the drift, there’s one word you get, only one. Regret. That’s it. Definition of hell. People say this all the time. I heard a guy say a version of this at the reset. Definition of hell is meeting the man you could have been. Think about that. Imagine standing at the end of your days here on Earth, standing across from the man you could have been and seeing what was possible for you.
Now, for some of you guys listening to this, you’re like, that’d be freaking great. Good for you guys. Keep going the way you’re going. Double down on it. Put your foot on the gas. But if I say that and you’re going, crap, that would suck, you need to pump the brakes. Because pushing your foot on the gas is just going to get you to regret faster. What you need to do is shift gears, shift directions, right? Get a new roadmap. That way, you can get back on path and go where you need to go.
Tim Matthews 37:16
That’s why the program is called the Ascension Blueprint. It gives the guys a blueprint to ascend the drift.
Doug Holt 37:22
It’s a blueprint. It’s a roadmap. We need it. You know, we don’t release programs until we know they’re going to work. We know they’re going to work for every man that we bring in. One of the reasons we have advisors is, one, to make a sale. Absolutely. It’s a business, right? We’re a movement. We have to pay the bills. We have to do all that stuff. That’s obvious.
But the other reason is we need to make sure it’s a good fit. A good fit for the man. Our advisors turn down more people than they accept, and they’ll give them resources, right? So if you get on a call with an advisor, they’re going to say, hey, look, this is probably not the right time or the right fit for you. And they have a whole list of alternatives, meaning this isn’t the best thing. Why don’t you take some more time? Or why don’t you clean up this side of the street or go over here? And that’s what they’re guided to do.
Now, we hope by doing that, one, we achieve our goal, which is helping men. Our mission statement is to save the lives of children by saving their fathers first. And that’s you guys listening to this. That’s the mission we’re on. Second, if it’s not a good fit, you get on a call with an advisor, you say, hey, look, I think I’m in the drift. And they say, I don’t know, you don’t meet these criteria. This is not the right time. They’re going to go through their list of resources and give you recommendations.
And our hope is, one, you get better. Two, maybe down the road you think, you know what? Those guys were honest with me. Those guys were authentic. They really helped me, and maybe they didn’t make a penny. I’ll go back to them, or I’ll recommend them to somebody else. That’s just good, ethical business, right? Providing value at every turn. That’s what we’re trying to do.
That’s why we’ve done over a thousand podcasts. Look, I’ve got things to do. Tim’s got things to do. I’ve got kids, right? And we love this. This is our passion. If I was in the drift, I would not be able to do this. No way. And we want you guys to get out of the drift.
Tim Matthews 39:23
100%, and it’s so achievable. Like you said, it’s difficult, and it’s doable. Choose your hard, right? It’s hard to be in the drift. It’s hard to get out of it. Which one do you want? I know which one I’d prefer.
And having seen men get out of the drift and knowing what’s on the other side of it, my hope and wishes for every guy listening to this who resonates with being in the drift is that they just do something. Obviously, I’d love them to do something with us, because, selfishly, I want to be part of their journey and watch them at the reset and see them on the other side. It’s incredibly rewarding.
And, you know, if they don’t do it with us but they do it with somebody else, that’s fine too. But whatever, just get out of the drift. The world needs more incredible men, especially right now. Their kids need them. Their wife needs them. Their business needs them. Their community needs them. So whatever it takes, just get out of the drift. I implore you, get out of the drift.
Doug Holt 40:19
Love it, man. Tim, love having you back in the saddle here, you know, delivering great stuff for the men. Hopefully we can do this more often. Absolutely enjoyed it, buddy. I love being here.
Awesome, gentlemen. As I always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. This is no different, right? You need to first recognize if you are in the drift. How do you know? Do you feel stuck? Do you feel unsure? Do you feel like you’re putting your foot on the gas, doubling down, and yet you’re not getting anywhere? That’s the drift.
Your tires are spinning, mud’s flying out the back, but you’re not going anywhere. That’s going to wear you down. You’re going to wear out that engine. And that engine is you, your soul, who you are as a man. It’s time to take massive action and do something about it. Your family deserves it, but more importantly, you deserve it.
We’ll see you next time on the TPM Show.