Doug’s Cross-Country Road Trip To Visit The Wives

Episode #704

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Tim Matthews  00:48

Hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of the powerful man show. I am your host, Tim Matthews, with my co-host. He is back, Mr. Dougie Fresh.

Doug Holt  01:03

Thanks for the intro, brother. Thanks for the intro.

Tim Matthews  01:06

I’ve missed you.

Doug Holt  01:05

How you doing, man?

Tim Matthews  01:07

Yeah, I’ve missed you.

Doug Holt  01:08

I’ve missed you too.

Tim Matthews  01:10

Full transparency. The downloads and listeners has probably dropped off the past couple of weeks in your absence.

Doug Holt  01:16

It has.

Tim Matthews  01:17

Yeah. No problem. No problem. King, pick it back up. You are back. But yeah, I’m excited to hear about it. Obviously you after finishing the road trip, went and spent some time with Erin and the kids, which was awesome. So I’ve not had a chance to catch up with you yet either on how the road trip went.

Well, mainly on how the road trip went. So I did let the listeners know what you were well, let them know a little bit about what you were doing driving across the US. But yeah, I think it’d be great to hear from you and fill them in on what you’ve been up to.

Doug Holt  01:47

So drove across North America because we were into Canada as well. Got to give my Canadian brothers their props. Yeah. So we decided to do this came on the impetus of a conversation I had with one of the men who said, hey, look, my wife is the biggest advocate of the powerful man. The programs changed not only my life but hers and our family’s lives. And he said, you really should talk to her.

And after hearing that, as I do, I come with crazy ideas. And I had this idea that I swore that everybody was going to shoot down. And I only approached, I think, three people about this idea, you being one of them and each person my wife being another. Each person said the same thing. That’s a lot. Yeah, it’s a good idea.

And so the idea essentially was to pack up the truck, go with Coltyn. Coltyn is our videographer and travel across North America and along the way meet some of the men their families do recording if they’re interested in doing a recording and also hang out, kind of break bread with them, if you will get a chance to meet them. And with all the trips, I have these big, huge aspirations now, I think only had two days to plan for this trip, Tim, as you know.

So it wasn’t like I had this huge amount of time. My wife and my family were going back east, and I was going to go with them for a little bit to visit my in laws. Right? That was their plan. They already planned that for the summer vacation, for the kids to see Grandpa and Grandma. So my plan was I was going to fly back, but I thought, oh, I’ll just drive over there. And I came up with every excuse not to make this work. And then Coltyn just said, hey, look, I’ll drive the truck back, and you could spend a week with your family and decompress and do what we talk about here at the Powerful Man and actually spend some time.

So it was an absolutely amazing experience. Really tiring. I mean, some 16 hours, days of driving, some shorter days, some days of getting stuck in Seattle, traffic just at the beginning. Unfortunately, not able to meet one of the amazing men and his family. They prepared an amazing lunch, and he had an unfortunate tragedy and emergency in his family. So he had a timeline. He’s like, hey, if you can get here, I got lunch ready for you guys, but I have an emergency flight I’m taking, which is really a tremendous story in itself.

And unfortunately, Coltyn, I got stuck in traffic, so I know I’m bouncing all over the place because there’s just so much happened during this time period as we went through it, and it was absolutely amazing to see what we saw on the trip.

Tim Matthews  04:17

Yeah, so I’m just going to interview you about this trip, if that’s cool.

Doug Holt  04:22

Perfect.

Tim Matthews  04:23

So how many families did you get to meet altogether?

Doug Holt  04:27

So we met six, I believe, altogether.

Tim Matthews  04:33

Nice. What locations were they in?

Doug Holt  04:38

So we got two in Washington, one in Montana, one in Sioux Falls, one in, let’s see here Missouri, one in Chicago, one just outside of Chicago. And then we met a couple other guys along the way as well, some men in the movement, as well as one of our amazing coaches, Mr. Andy Tor and his beautiful partner.

Anyway, the hard part, I got to throw this out there because it’s still driving me nuts, is there’s so many guys that I wanted to see along the way, and our schedule was literally, we’d wake up and plan the next day. That morning, it seemed like we just didn’t have time to plan, and we go, oh, crap, we have to be at this place. It’s a nine hour drive, and we got to get up at six in the morning and just hit the road, or I only have 30 minutes in this town.

It was really tough because you also didn’t know when construction was happening, when road closures, which we ran into weather. We’re all over North America, right? So we’re taking the northern route for the most part, but we dropped down into Missouri and came back up. Then we went as high north as Toronto.

So our schedule, we just didn’t get to see all the guys that I wanted to so to those guys that I’ve been communicating with along the road, apologies. 60 hours, days of driving. Sometimes it’s hard to communicate, sometimes no cell service. And so there’s many guys that I wanted to see that just wasn’t able to connect with.

Tim Matthews  06:06

Must have been incredibly special to be able to meet these guys families, sit with them and just hear and see and feel the impact that these men have had on their families.

Doug Holt  06:20

What is, as you know, the men that are within the movement that we call the powerful man, they’re all great guys, and we have an internal policy that they’re not jerks. Right? They’re just none. And so as soon as you see them, you feel like you’re seeing your best friend again that you haven’t seen for a long time. You know that person you went to school with when you were a kid, and you don’t see them very much, but when you do, you go right back into the last time you spoke. That relationship is right back where it is.

And so seeing them was fantastic. It was so much fun. But then also getting a chance to meet their partners, their wives that they had talked to us about that we’ve gotten to know through them and their children. It was really an honor. And it doesn’t get lost on me when someone invites me into their home to sit at their dining room table with their families, the importance and significance of that. So I really take that to heart, and it meant a lot to me.

Tim Matthews  07:14

So I’m curious. There are any common themes in what the wives or the families might have shared with you as to how the men had either changed or impacted the wife or family?

Doug Holt  07:27

Yeah, so the common thing that the women would share with me, and usually they would do this openly in front of the men, I think only once or twice. It was kind of more of a private conversation, but not because they were being secretive. Just I was having a conversation with Malone is how much they thanked us at TPM, me being the representative of it for the Powerful Man of really saving their marriages. Right?

And not only their marriages, but saving their families. And I heard that time and time again. In fact, there was one woman I’m just going to do my best not to distinguish everybody, especially the families. Right? And who’s who. But one woman had tears in her eyes, and she said something to the effect that there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t thank God for bringing you guys into our lives.

And her story was so heartfelt. Here you have this beautiful, intelligent woman. She was so amazing, and so was her husband, yet they couldn’t find each other. And they’re both amazing people in their own rights, professionals, but they couldn’t find their way back to each other. And for them, divorce was off the table. It wasn’t an option, right? And she knew that, so she said and she shared with us, and she said, look, I just kind of basically submitted to my lot in life. Like, this is the way my marriage was going to be. It was going to be unfulfilling, not gratifying. I was just going to live a life of quiet desperation.

She shared that, and she said, okay, this is the way it’s going to be. I’m not going to be in love with my husband. My husband’s not going to be in love with me. It’s going to be passionless. And we’ll raise kids, and this is God’s plan. And long comes her husband, who is one of the few guys that steps off the fence, jumps into a program, happens to jump into ours, and turns the whole marriage around, turns himself around.

And it wasn’t like he was doing anything bad. He was a great guy. He just didn’t have the tools necessary to lead his marriage in the way that he knew he could. And he applied the TPM principles, and still is. He’s in the brotherhood. So he’s continued on with us, and it’s completely changed their marriage. She’s hopeful. Their kids are hopeful. Their kids are doing morning routines even without their dad, an evening routine. So even when Dad’s not home, the kids still do it. Why? Because the kids have leadership. Right? Monkey see, monkey do. As dads, we all know that our kids are always watching. And to see her explain this, that her children happen to be boys, were following this amazing man that she married.

And she said something that I’ve heard many times, another common theme. He is now the man I always knew he could be. He is now the man I always knew he could be. And wow, when you think about a marriage, Tim and I can speak from my own experience, when my marriage was on the brink, all you want as a man is to have your wife look at you with that love, respect, and admiration, like, just look at you. Like when she used to look up to you.

And these women had that for their husbands again, it was reconnected for them. The men were leading. And from not a jerk point of view, when I say leading, and I know you know this, but make sure the listeners understand, but they were leading themselves, and they were leading their families from a place of love and a place of power.

Tim Matthews  10:54

What an amazing gift as well, for these men to be able to be witnessed to the wives, acknowledging them and seeing them in this way during this conversation.

Doug Holt  11:05

It was really cool. I’m trying to think, I believe, yeah, every single one of them thanked us for doing it. A lot of the guys were a little apprehensive, and their wives were apprehensive. So we did is we gave them the opportunity of being on camera, said, hey, would you like to do a testimonial so other people can see what’s possible here?

And none of these people want to be in front of camera. They’re average people that are like the people listening to this podcast. They’re business owners and their wives. And every time they thanked us, it was great. It was just gratitude because they got to share their story. And when you have a story that starts off with love and admiration, then it takes a dip, right? It’s a hero’s journey. And somewhere along the way, they fell apart. They lost each other. We talk about this where you’re laying next to your partner. You get into bed and you get in the sheets, and you’re six inches away from each other physically, but you feel like you’re 6 miles apart. You feel like you’re just never going to get back together.

And now here I am in their living room, right? And a lot of times having dinner with them, now they’re looking each other with love and admiration. And another common thing that I heard a lot, Tim, was their marriage is better than it ever had been. So not as good as when they started, but better. It’s richer.

Tim Matthews  12:25

Wow, that’s incredible. And did you get to speak to any of the kids? I know some of them probably had kids that were too young, but I also know some of them had kids that were a bit older.

Doug Holt  12:36

I spoke to all of them. We didn’t record the kids, so we chose not to go down that route. We did with one. So one young guy, gosh, he’s probably, I’m going to say twelve or so. He wanted to be an actor. That was kind of his thing. So we put him in front of the camera and I started asking him questions like, what do you love about your dad? And he had some great answers.

Well, my dad plays with me, and we do this together. We do that together. He always makes time for me. So I started asking him fun questions, which I loved, and asked him about his mom, too. And that’s something I’m going to package up when we get time to actually edit these and give it to the family.

Tim Matthews  13:18

That’s incredible. I mean, it’s difficult to put the impact of this into words, and I don’t mean the impact of what we do, just creating that moment of connection between the man and wife and this space to share how much closer that probably will have brought them as well. Just been able to reflect and reminisce on the journey.

And again, for the guy, I imagine how much confidence that would have given him to continue to do what he’s doing, not they would have needed it, because these guys typically don’t do it for that particular reason. But it’s always good to know you’re on the right path. Right? And then when you hear these things, because we can doubt ourselves, we don’t always know how we’ve been perceived by the woman that we love. So to get all these affirmations and the way that she’s seeing them, I can just imagine these guys just accelerating even further off the back of these conversations.

Doug Holt  14:16

Yeah. Again, a lot of the guys or their wives had a little bit of hesitation, right, at first. It’s intimidating. You and I do this podcast when we first started, it’s a little hard to be in front of the microphone or talking. And now we’ve done it so many times, it’s just effortless. However, once the filming starts and they start talking and they’re comfortable, they get an opportunity to connect and take time and reminisce and think about what it was like when they got married.

And think about now and what they’ve come through and how much stronger you become stronger when you go through adversity. As humans, we become stronger. Now in a relationship, we even become even more strong when we go through something together, an adversity, whatever it may be. Now, for these couples, their adversity was their relationship, their marriage.

Now, I’m going to say it’s 100% of couples out there, maybe 99%, that have this. But now what they have is they have the other side of it, right? The reconciliation, the other part. And now they’re both older than when they got married, right? That’s guaranteed and hopefully a little bit wiser. So they can take that and make that marriage richer. And so that’s what was really cool about it. And a couple of guys had called other men along the road, and guys started reaching out like, hey, why don’t you come to our yeah, we’d love to have you come over and talk to my wife.

It’s just amazing. And I can see us doing much more of this. Because now, not only are these families advocates of each other, but advocates of saving a marriage, advocates of doing the work which the men have done, advocates of the powerful man itself. But also what they’re doing is they’re paying it forward. And they’re also going to get a little time capsule of their right. When Coltyn puts the video together, they’ll have that as a keepsake to reflect upon.

Tim Matthews  16:15

Wow! Wow! That’s incredible! What a memory!

Doug Holt  16:22

Absolutely amazing experience! And hats off to Coltyn. He was a great person to have in the truck with me while I was driving. And he drove, too. But driving that many miles, I think we did. I want to say 4600 miles. No idea what that’s in kilometers across to. When I reached my family and Coltyn drove back and I flew back after spending time with my family, but we didn’t kill each other.

I think the ODS were pretty heavily the favor that Coltyn wouldn’t end up coming back. That was kind of a running joke that I would end up killing him, but no, not at all. He was a great guy to be with. They call him the gift for a reason. So we got to spend some quality time, get to know each other better, and it was just an absolutely amazing experience.

Tim Matthews  17:10

Wow! Brother, thank you for doing it. I’m excited to see the finished product. I think it’s going to help a ton of men even if guys don’t join the program, even if it just helps them and encourages them to find help somewhere to begin the process, right? And inject them with some hope. Thank you.

Thank you to Coltyn as well. You guys put in the effort. You guys grafted on that trip in a major, major way and like you said at the beginning, it was a couple of days prep and then you were on the road. So again, I can’t thank you enough. I’m excited to see it and I thank you on behalf of all the guys that are going to watch it and for everyone in TPM for going there and just creating that opportunity for those families to reminisce and reflect and have that moment together.

Doug Holt  18:02

Yeah. I want to thank the men, right? The guys that go through the program, because guys, I’m going to speak to them real quick, Tim, guys, you don’t realize how rare you are. There’s so many men that listen to this podcast, so many men that are hesitant to join for whatever reason. I’m not blaming them, but for you guys that have gone in, just dove in to the deep end because for whatever reason to save your marriage, for some of you guys, it’s worked out. Some of you, maybe it hasn’t, but you’ve saved yourself. We hear that time and time again that the men come out better. Your stock is rising.

And for those that invited me into your homes, thank you. For those that I wasn’t able to connect with, I look forward to doing this again. I certainly will. And you guys will be first on my list. Again, my heartfelt apologies. I wanted to see everybody. I was also, as Tim would say, knackered on the trip quite a lot. It’s a lot going through that time. And there’s so many people I missed that I’d like to see again.

But again, a shout out to all of you guys, alumni men that have been through the program. There’s thousands of you and you guys are rare. You’re doing the work and it shows. And just meeting a few of your families really touched my heart to see that not only have you changed your life, potentially the life of the woman you’re with, but certainly the lives of your children, that ripple effect is absolutely phenomenal. So, gentlemen, my hats off to you. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about it and just you guys doing the work means the world to us. So thank you.

Tim Matthews  19:39

Right, guys? So every time I say right, guys, I just hear people on the team echoing it because they all just make fun of me every time I say it. So, guys, if you have any interest in what we do at the Powerful Man, then you can always head over to https://www.thepowerfulman.com/results. You can check out some of the case studies there, check out what other guys maybe like you, what kind of result they have experienced.

And like Dougie Fresh always says, at the moment of insight, take massive action. If this is resonating with you in any kind of way, even if you don’t join us, just do something. Just don’t stay on the fence. Your wife wants to speak about you and to you in the way that these wives have been speaking about and looking at their men.

Your kids no doubt want you to be the father that they also know you can be as well, and the father you know you can be. So just do something. Don’t stay on the fence. Whether it’s with us, whether it’s with somebody else, I’m not too bothered, but just do something. Mr. Dougie Fresh, thank you very much, and it’s awesome to have you back.

Doug Holt  20:45

Great to be back!

All right, guys, that’s a wrap for this episode. But as I always say in the moment of insight, take massive action. You see, there are two types of men that listen to a podcast like this, those that go on from one podcast or show to another just hoping things are going to change and realizing that they’re going to be in the same place month after month, year after year.       

You see, I was this guy, so I completely get it. You may just not be ready. But there’s also a second man, a second man that listens to a show just like this. And this is a guy who takes massive action so they can shorten the learning curve, compress time, and get RESULTS to be the WOLF. See, WOLF is an acronym for Wise, Open, Loving, and Fierce.

Now ask yourself, which one am I? And just be honest with yourself there. And there’s no judgment on my end. But if you’re ready to move from deactivated DEER mode, which is Defend, Excuse, Explain, and React to activated WOLF, Wise, Open, Loving and Fierce, then go over to thepowerfulman.com/grow. And go there now. In fact, I’ll make it super easy for you. I will even put the link right in the description here so you can just click it and go over there now to learn more. Guys, in the moment of insight, take massive action. Go from deactivated to activated, because like I said, life is too short for average and I’ll see you on the next episode!