Episode #863
In this episode, we dive deep into the dynamics of male and female communication, particularly how feedback is received and delivered differently between genders. Ever found yourself puzzled by your partner’s reaction, feeling like it’s way out of proportion to the situation? You’re not alone.
Join Tim Matthews, Mark Hainsworth, and Mo Parks as they explore the nuances of how men and women interact when emotions are high and the importance of setting healthy boundaries. We discuss why women might deliver feedback with a bite and how men can respond in a way that fosters understanding and respect rather than conflict. Whether it’s the unintentional harshness in a woman’s words or a man’s need for appreciation and acknowledgment, this episode offers insights into how these differences play out in relationships—and what you can do to ensure they don’t drive you apart.
Perfect for married male business owners who are struggling with communication in their relationships, this episode provides actionable advice on how to manage these situations better. Listen in to learn how to navigate these tricky dynamics and bring more harmony into your marriage.
Tune in and discover how to transform these challenging moments into opportunities for growth and deeper connection.
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Transcription
Mo Parks 0:00
Something very important to men is to be appreciated for and acknowledged. Those are all verbal things. So if something’s going to destroy him quickly, it’s probably the same type of thing, which is language.
Tim Matthews 0:12
Did you notice that? Yeah, because okay, if the appreciation acknowledgement is so important to men. That explains why men deliver feedback to men in a way that typically they will want to receive it, oftentimes feeling a little bit more supportive from a guy than a guy receiving feedback from a woman. Doctor.
Have you ever had a reaction from your wife or your partner that you just didn’t know what to do with and you maybe even felt was a little bit disproportionate given the actual event? Well, in this episode, we’re going to dive into the dynamics of why that happens, what you can do about it, and how you can try and make sure it doesn’t happen again. So, Mr. Hainsworth, you brought this topic to the table. Yeah. Care to explain?
Mark Hainsworth 1:18
I don’t, I can’t really remember how we got there, but it was the it was the difference between taking feedback from men, from the male energy, and taking feedback from women with the feminine energy. And I think I was talking about how I’d been on two different experiences, one of which was with feminine energy, and one was with male energy. And both of those experiences basically pointed out to me where I’d failed. But the one that was facilitated by the feminine energy was extremely critical, harsh and it had bite to it, and the one with male energy was delivering the same message, but it was done in a way that felt more supported, honest, and I’m going to say held, kind of it just felt like that. The tough message was delivered in a way that was with compassion.
Tim Matthews 2:25
Can you resonate with that? Though, as a woman, like giving feedback in that way,
Mo Parks 2:29
I can resonate with feeling feedback from women being the same. Feel and giving getting feedback from men being very similar, but giving.
Tim Matthews 2:38
Why do you think that is? Why do you think women sometimes? Again, I don’t want to sound like, why don’t women apologize? Why do women do that? But in the purpose of this conversation, why do you think it can happen often? Would you say often happens that it can feedback from women can be delivered in that way. You guys are nodding.
Mark Hainsworth 3:01
Well, can I, can I give another example, maybe just to to explain the differential my my limited understanding of the feminine, the healthy feminine.
Mo Parks 3:12
Thank you. Mark is the in, in the healthy feminine, the woman is there to offer, offer the guy to be a bit accountable for what’s going on. It’s like, Hey, we’ve got this agreement. You said you were going to do this. It hasn’t happened. I’m just reminding you, as opposed to a woman in the unhealthy is going, you asshole, you didn’t put out the bins. There’s two very different ways in which the guy will receive fundamentally the same message, which is, the bins aren’t out, and it’s your job. So I think the question is, what would cause a woman to flip from being, Hey, can I remind you that we used your job to do the bins tonight to your whatever judgment comes out of the mouse, probably his fault. I’m just kidding,
Tim Matthews 4:00
As long as you apologize.
Mo Parks 4:03
Um, the thing that came to me first was women don’t just, in my opinion, a lot of times, women don’t just come in with that energy for no reason, like, I’d say, in a very similar way, women, men, don’t just come in with resentment for no reason. Usually, that’s something that’s building, and it’s been building over time due to the people that she is around. So either there’s been a loss of trust, which is being triggered, and in having to remind about the bins, there’s probably a history talking to somebody. There’s probably a history of a lack of trust or or something probably just happened that was in her life, whether that was kids like work, something that’s causing that edge to come out.
Tim Matthews 4:47
Amelia knows that one of the non negotiables for me is how I’m spoken to. I just won’t accept it been spoken to in unhealthy ways, and it’s sometimes. Happens. And sometimes I’ll let it slide. Let’s give a you know, benefit the doubt, as you do in a relationship, right? But sometimes, if I let it slide, it can then happen again not too long after. I’m like, okay, Hmm, I’ll let that one slide, and then it may happen again, by which point, like, Listen, you need to speak to me very differently than you are right now, this isn’t gonna work. At which point it shifts immediately, yeah, she realizes. I think sometimes it can just be that I’m sure I do the same to her as well. I know I have done the same to her as well, right? So I think, to your point, maybe it could just be whatever might be going on for that person, right? So giving that little bit of assuming the best, I think, is important, I like to assume that Amelia doesn’t always realize that she’s speaking to me that way. I definitely don’t believe she means to speak to me that way. I definitely believe that she wants the best for me, and she respects me and loves me and all those things. I believe those things wholeheartedly. So therefore, I also believe that she wants to honor my requests, right? So point being is, if I assume the best, it makes it easier to then let things slide. If it continues to happen, it becomes more of a boundary for me, at which point she’ll quickly then and vice versa, we will quickly correct our behavior. So yeah, do you question? Why does it happen? Maybe first piece could be, there’s things going on, and people are people,
Mo Parks 6:48
But I do think that I feel a higher freedom to be kind of sassy in my reaction. That I don’t think that a lot of the men and my husband feel until I probably initiated it and so, but I, yeah, I just think through, like I’d very quickly and easily give an honest, more sharp reflection. And if you’re thinking through, well, if men, something very important to men is to be appreciated for and acknowledged. Those are all verbal things.
Doug Holt 7:20
Hey guys, sorry to interrupt this episode, but the reality is, if you are watching or listening to this right now, then you are looking to better yourself, and I applaud you. You’re one of my people, and I want to give you the opportunity of taking massive action. So if you haven’t joined The Activation Method yet, it’s our flagship program, do what 1000s of other businessmen, just like you have done, and take action. Be one of the one percenters that actually does the work and takes action. There’ll be a link in the description that’ll take you right to a page that’ll just give you more information. There is no obligation. Just go check it out and see if it’s a good fit for you. All right, let’s get back to this episode.
Mo Parks 8:03
So if something’s gonna destroy him quickly, it’s probably the same type of thing, which is language.
Tim Matthews 8:09
Did you notice that? Yeah, because Okay, well, I’ve just realized something, you know, if the appreciation acknowledgement is so important to men, that explains why men deliver feedback to men in a way that typically they will want to receive it, right? But I think it’s a conscious thing, they’ll just be anything right? And obviously there’s nuances within that, hence the feedback oftentimes feeling a little bit more supportive from a guy than a guy receiving feedback from a woman, especially if women aren’t aware of that nuance. Yeah, right. I think it could then become very easy for a woman to give some feedback in a way that she feels is completely just and fine, but may be felt very different, received very differently, from the guy, because of this need for appreciation or acknowledgement, and especially if it’s a way that women would usually communicate with one another. Can you said, You know what I’ve received? I’ve been on the receiving end of that from women at times, so I’m guessing, let me know if I’m wrong here, that could be just a communication dynamic that actually exists within women anywhere, and may even work at times for women to a degree. And then when it gets pointed towards a guy, it’s like, whoa.
Mo Parks 9:38
Things are, personality different. So there are, like, I mean, I don’t have tons of fights with my women friends, but if I’m in a more frustrating situation, there are some women who will turn passive aggressive.
Tim Matthews 9:51
This isn’t a fight, though. This is just a guy receiving feedback, feedback.
Mo Parks 10:00
From, yeah, I think receiving that’s hard. There’s also so receiving feedback just between friends, not like a working bag, because I’m thinking of like male bosses giving male employees, like very dickish ways of talking to them, and not very sensitive or kind, but if you’re talking but just from a friend giving another friend.
Tim Matthews 10:23
I think, the way that Okay, let’s see if we can make this a bit clearer. In that particular example, Mark was saying the way that he would be held accountable by his friend, versus the way he would be held accountable by his partner a woman. They’re very different, yeah, of course. And there’s a bite to it from the woman, whereas, as a different, energetic delivery from the guy,
Mo Parks 10:57
Yeah, well, I mean, I’m gonna receive feedback. Sorry. Okay, that’s making it more clear. I’m gonna be receive much better, more calm, nurturing feedback from my female friends than I would receive from my husband. Because my husband,
Tim Matthews 11:11
Maybe it’s a relational thing.
Mark Hainsworth 11:14
Well, yeah, maybe it’s more in the relationship with the partner. Yeah. Is the more at risk is, the more build up of old patterns as the so as a woman.
Tim Matthews 11:27
Do you feel as a you have delivered feedback to your husband with a bite? Yes, okay. Do you know when you’re doing it? Yeah, dude, it on purpose, yes, occasionally.
Mo Parks 11:41
Why? Usually, someone escalates their style of communication when they feel the other person either hasn’t listened like hasn’t heard them, hasn’t listened or doesn’t want to have to say it again. I feel like, in other words, I’m going to be mean this time, so you freaking remember it. And is that always true? Those being the three reasons? Yep, no. I mean, I sometimes think they want to hurt them.
Tim Matthews 12:17
Yeah, she’s fair, very honest. They won’t.
Mo Parks 12:19
Usually they want to hurt them because they feel hurt. I mean, I would say hurt people. Hurt people so and that’s across the board any gender,
Tim Matthews 12:27
Knowing your friends and knowing yourself and other women you’ve spoken to. Do you think women, in your experience, see the need and importance of that piece around appreciation, acknowledgement for men.
Mo Parks 12:42
I think the women I know know that to be true, but it doesn’t matter when they’re really getting into, like, the middle of a fight or the middle of feedback that’s intense being given.
Tim Matthews 12:56
Okay, we just got to live with a bite sounds like
Mark Hainsworth 13:00
Just have a little sign in my pocket says, gratitude, please.
Mo Parks 13:05
I think, I think that there is, like, a educational gap for women on how important that is for a man across the board. I think a lot of women do know it, but a lot of women don’t. They don’t get how harmful that is. And so something that would really help would be kind of what we talked about in another podcast, where we just said, be ready to inform them of the ways in which it hurts, why it hurts, because it just helps her understand the bite that it, that it’s coming with I mean, look, don’t get me wrong.
Tim Matthews 13:40
We’re not saying that. You know, as guys, we it’s interesting. I’ll say what I’m gonna say, but I see exact conversation a guy would have in his head during that time. Think he probably knew where it was going. So I was gonna say, Look, don’t get me wrong. We’re not saying that. As guys, we need things to be delivered all nice and neat the entire time, and we can’t then we don’t want to embrace the femininity, because we do, and we’re more than capable of handling that and letting it wash over us At the same time. If there’s a frequent bite a guy’s response would probably still be the same, to let it wash over him and it’s gonna push him away.
Mo Parks 14:31
Yes, and I think pulling away, if, if she is not understanding that the way you’re communicating is hurting, then pulling away. And pulling connection away is a great way for her to learn real quick, because when my husband’s when I’m bitten more like probably within the last year, he’s very clearly communicated, I’m going to walk away, because I don’t tolerate being spoken to like that, and him pulling away makes me want to recon. Act and so and it’s like, oh, man, he didn’t do the thing I wanted him to do, like taking out the trash. And so I think the best way to communicate your boundaries is to very much remove yourself from the situation. I don’t tolerate this. I’m not going to be spoken to like this. I love you, and I’m going to step away, and I’ll come back at in 30 minutes or so, him so me realizing, after a time, hey, I need all this stuff him to help me with all this stuff physically around the house. And if I’m gonna lose him based off my tone, I better change my tone. And now I see myself about to go there, and I see him about to hold the boundary. I was like, No, never mind. I’m nice so that it’s changed my behavior as a result. So holding boundaries being firm and what you’re willing to expect of yourself, because you truly know you’re valuable and worth that. And not only that, but then you’ll start to see it flips from like start to appreciate him for holding those boundaries too, because she starts to understand man, if he’s willing to give himself that value, then I should give him that value, and maybe I should give myself that value and not allow him to treat me in ways that I don’t appreciate or allow. And so I think it creates a healthy relationship. It’s good leadership tactic.
Tim Matthews 16:16
Beautiful. Well, guys, there you go. If you are experiencing a feminine bite, maybe there’s good reason for it. And at the same time, there are things you can do. And as Mo said, so Well, if you see your value, and you hold true to that, then maybe she will begin seeing your value too. So guys, we’ll see you next time on the TPM Show.
