Episode #7
Do you find yourself constantly grinding and aiming towards the next goal on your list?
In this episode, Tim asks; How can you achieve more whilst being happy with what you have already got?
As successful men, we tend to constantly try to achieve more, once we achieve something we move on to the next thing, but this can become a never-ending treadmill that leads to unfulfillment and burns out.
It has been proven that constantly practicing gratitude can improve your happiness and your success. Throughout this episode which focuses on gratitude, Tim & Doug share advice and real-life actionable examples of how you can celebrate the journey that you’re on leading to more efficiency, happiness, and success.
What you will discover in this episode:
- How to BE grateful and not DO gratefully.
- The biggest reason why you struggle to appreciate where you are at.
- An introduction to masculine and feminine energy.
- Why men get burnt out with work.
- Removing the belief that success only comes from hard work and grinding.
- The starting point of making money easily and with the flow.
- Tim’s morning routine and how it leads to efficiency and productivity.
- Understanding your default mode.
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Episode Transcript
Tim Matthews 0:00
Until the day that you stop growing, you’re always going to be achieving something. Always, always, always. So why not just embrace the fact and enjoy the journey and realize that right now is the mark and the destination.
Doug Holt 0:23
Hello, everyone, welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man Show. I am your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host, Tim “The Powerful Man” Matthews. Tim, how’s it going, man?
Tim Matthews 0:33
As you know, it is fantastic just coming off the back of a phenomenal Alpha Reset retreat in Bend, Oregon. It’s been a week, and I’m still on a high
Doug Holt 0:44
Me too, such an amazing thing to see the transformation that all these business owners went through, or business leaders, I should say, being someone who’s been all over the world at events, this, I have to say, was the most transformational experience that I’ve ever seen.
Tim Matthews 1:01
Yeah, and that’s what humbled me to have some of these guys here, as you said, leaders in business who have worked with some of the best coaches around and companies around to hear them said, well, the same words as you that it was the most powerful experience that they’ve had, and transformation that they’ve had in such a short space of time. And that’s just a mixture of emotions. I was humbled; I was so proud of what we delivered as a team that in the event, I was so proud of how the guy stepped to the line and played all out the entire time; I was proud about the work that the team put in with the guys in the lead up to the event to get them in the race this over the eight weeks to make the most of the event, it really couldn’t have been better.
Doug Holt 1:48
It’s funny because these Alpha Resets are geared towards businessmen. Although we didn’t do deep dives into the business during this retreat, a couple of the guys yesterday, they just sent me messages, and they’re working out. And we’ve worked out different business deals, just out of the retreat alone. So such an amazing byproduct of just getting your headspace right, connecting with the right people, and taking time to better yourself, it’s so understated. Anyway, I’m also on a high, so I get passionate; I could talk about this all day. Of course, that’s not what we’re here for. Now, I know you had a topic that you wanted to throw on the table. What is that?
Tim Matthews 2:27
Yes, this is a topic that many men have been discussing in the inner circle lately. I love how they’ve all been supporting one another to get clarity on this. And I think the listeners would benefit from us diving into this. The question is, how do you achieve them all while being happy with what you’ve already got?
Doug Holt 2:49
Hmm, such a great question. This question does come up a lot; many of the men you know; we work with, especially when they get to the inner circle level, already have had success. The classic terms of success, and it is what is that next thing. Do I chase the next thing? Do I flow into the next thing? How do I not get into what you and I talk about all the time, the two paths, right? The path of the hustle and grind it out or the path of flow and ease. So I’ll jump in with just a couple of thoughts on the subject.
I’m going through it because it’s easy to get comfortable. But when you are working towards this greater goal, maybe you have something else that’s coming up in one of the areas of your life. I think the practice of gratitude, which is often talked about, but it’s understated. The practice of gratitude and being grateful for what you have is amazing. It allows you to stay grounded while you’re going after your next goal, whatever that may be. So let’s just use it as an example that a lot of people can relate to. If you’re already doing well in business, for example, and you want to take it to the next level, maybe you want to take it to the next level because, well, you want more money.
For many people, a lot of successful men like yourself, Tim, what they’re going to think is, Hey, I’m already comfortable. I already have plenty of money, but it’s the man that you’re going to become as you raise that bar. That’s the reason a lot of wealthy successful men take it to the next level. It’s not because they need or desire more money, so to speak, as a measuring stick. Many of them are doing it because of the person they get to become on that journey. And I think while you’re on that journey, one of the keys is practicing that gratitude piece. Write gratitude in all areas of your life, and what I always recommend to people is start first thing in the morning.
The absolute first thing in your journaling practice is writing down at least five things you’re grateful for. Now you can do this in the shower. You can do this in the car if you’re commuting. I recommend writing it down because studies show, putting pen to the paper right actually has a kinesthetic effect on your emotions and anchors things into you. Now to take it a step further, my wife and I, before bed every single night, I ask what your magic moments are? It’s pretty much a grateful practice.
But really, we’re talking about that day, what are the things you are grateful for? What are those magic things that happen in your life, and that’s her terminology, and I love it? Because then I get to look back through my day and go, wow, you know what happened? Today, I was able to talk to Tim across the world. And we were able to talk about conversations that matter, or earlier this morning, I was able to wrestle with my son, he was climbing all over me. And it was so fun to hear him giggle. And that’s important because, throughout the day, we can get lost in the minutiae, maybe it’s a sales call, it didn’t go through, maybe it’s a staff member who is upset it’s something else that’s going on in our lives. And we tend to focus on the problems rather than all the things that went right. So I think that’s a great start to get going and feel grateful for what’s going on in your life.
Tim Matthews 6:10
And I love how you included how to do this either at the start of the day to write down because we hear the term gratitude get thrown about so much. And it’s very easy for gratitude to be another thing that is on the to-do list; I’m going to go through my gratitude this morning, boom, tick it off, done. And what I hear you said, Doug, when you were describing it was within the process, by default, you were then going to slow down and be with the process. Instead of the gratitude being something to do, it’s something to be, something to experience, which when you then absorb it, it lounges for you and your copies in full. Rather than it just been, like I said, another thing to do that you push on by and you think you’ve been grabbed for you think you’re practicing gratitude was a big difference between something to do and something to be.
Doug Holt 7:08
You bring up such a great point right there, that most of the men you and I work with when we meet them. Their kind of process is Do-Have-Be; if I do my gratitude practice, then I get this feeling, then I can be grateful. And it’s not that it doesn’t work that way. Now, I’m going to give you the formula that does work. And it’s simple, but it takes a lot of mindset practice to get here, but it’s Be-Do-Have; first, you have to be the man you want to be, you have to embody that person. Then you do the work; in this case, you’ve truly been grateful, and then you do the work by writing it down. And then you get to have that sense of peace. So it’s Be-Do-Have, but again, you and I know this better than anybody, 99% of the men that come in are high performers. And these aren’t, the people we’re talking about here aren’t slacks. They’re not people slacking off. They’re people who’ve been through lots of personal development, and most of them have been to conferences, they just didn’t get the right mindset, going through there. That’s where The Alpha Reset kind of, I mean, it’s intense, right? And we kind of flip that switches to allow them to reprogram themselves first to Be that person, then Do then Have, rather than going through a to-do list and just checking off things, because you can grind somebody or that’s what you’re supposed to do.
Tim Matthews 8:38
Yeah, and you’re such a great point. Because many of the men we work with at the office were at the start, they grind it out one destination to pass; they are very much on that path of hustle, push, grind, force, and it has to be a struggle. There’s no struggle, and it doesn’t feel right. It’s easy; it’s cheating, all that kind of stuff. You were linking back to the initial question of how do you achieve more while also really appreciating what you’ve got. One of the key things that we get to bring into this is the balance between the masculine and the feminine. Because the guys that we work with the consumers ever very much in the masculine arm, they both go, grind, grind, grind. And that is where everything becomes something to do. That’s where your pace of life is just too fast; you live too fast and too hard. And whenever you’re in that place, you’re always going to struggle to feel the appreciation for where you’re at, and it’s just not possible—so based on your observations of the guys that we’ve worked with, what do you think about that?
Doug Holt 9:49
Well, in terms of balancing masculine and feminine energy?
Tim Matthews 9:53
Yeah, and the role that this plays, these guys have been dominant in a masculine way, causing them to struggle to appreciate where they’re at while striving for money.
Doug Holt 10:09
Hey, guys, I had to interrupt this show because I want to talk to you about a case study we put together; it’s only 11 minutes. And what we do is we go over and show you how almost 300 men have taken control of their life, already have 4X of business revenue, and are having more connected intimate sex with their partner using The Activation Method. And they’re doing all of this without burning down their relationships. And without suffering and sacrificing their health. We want you to have this too. So go over to https://www.thepowerfulman.com/bonus/, the number 11 one, one, and get this right now. It’s only 11 minutes, and it’s going to show you exactly how these men have done it. Alright, let’s get back to the episode.
Just to give the listeners I mean, I know when I first started hearing people talk about masculine and feminine energy, I just had this picture of Alpha Man versus submissive woman, truthfully. It took me a little while to fully get it. And that’s not what we’re talking about here at all so that everybody knows, and the masculine energy tends to be around that idea of grinding it out. You hear that all the time and the funny thing is we said this is the last retreat, the men got around, and almost every guy had a story that they could outwork everybody, I can outwork everybody, I will outwork you, I’ll beat you. If you remember, I looked at him in an hour. I’m like, you can’t possibly be the best, the hardest worker in the world. Everybody can’t be it; there’s only one. So we all have that story I’ll just I’ll pull myself up by my bootstraps, and I’ll outwork you out, I’ll hustle, it doesn’t work, you just get burnt out. And I’ve been there so that I can tell you firsthand not only hearing for the men, but I’ve been there.
And Tim, I’m sure you have too where you’re out there grinding it out in your masculine energy. And it’s kind of like in a war mode; then there are men’s groups out there that just talk about war all the time, we’re going to war. And that’s not the way to look at it, right? Because the only thing that leads to energy leads to burnout, it leads to disappointment, because you’re constantly going, you’re constantly grinding, but you’re not enjoying. And there’s a way of being the yin and the yang. And I’m probably saying that wrong. But it’s a way of having energy balances in your life and having a way of going with the flow. We’ve all been in that flow state talking about sports or business or relationships, where everything just seems to work so well. And come so easy. And a lot of people tend to self-sabotage that flow state and break it up. And it’s a limiting belief factor. That usually happens. Or maybe it’s a story that it shouldn’t be this easy, or I shouldn’t be able to make money; money stories are very typical in this example, you have to work your ass off to make money, it’s hard to make money, Mike doesn’t grow on trees, all these things that we’ve been told over the years.
Yeah, you and I have seen countless people who just seem to do it effortlessly and easily. And it’s not because they’re smarter, it’s just because they’re in that flow state Be-Do-Have, and they’ve embodied it, they’ve just surrendered to that state of being. And it’s allowed them to go now, these are very masculine men, they’re doing this, but they’re tapping into the feminine energy, the essence of themselves, and being masculine at the same time, that’s where you get the balance. I think many of these men haven’t permitted themselves to be anything else than the John Wayne type character. I’m speaking from the United States, but our fathers’ John Wayne type character grew up with. And you have to be tough, and you can’t show emotions, you have to grind it out, get up at four in the morning, and stop, don’t stop working till 10 pm. And do that every day. The problem is you get burnout and become an asshole. And then you look up, and no one’s around, right? Even if you’re providing for people, no one wants to be around the non-present jerk in the room, which tends to be a business owner who’s working too hard, or they have nothing else to give. And in that state, it’s impossible to truly be grateful for your journey because you’re tearing things down, and you’re just tearing everything around you down.
Tim Matthews 14:28
Yeah, I agree. And I totally can relate as well. That was me for 28 years of my life. If I’m totally honest, that is my default. This question is this dance that we’re talking about between the masculine, the feminine, and enjoying things? It’s the dance that I get to do every day. It is, I got to the point in, we’re in the process, and for me, what that looks like, is the first five hours of the day, my phone’s on flight mode. Now I wake up; usually, around 6:30 go downstairs to make juice, I get to the gym for about half seven workouts going to the sauna, meditate, journal, and I finish up there probably by around nine-ish, half nine-ish. I then write and get the key things done for the business that I love to do, which is things like this and writing a video. I’ve got no distractions in that first, literally five hours of the day; it’s all mine, I’m setting the tone, I’m setting it how I want it to be, nobody can get into trim, nobody can disrupt, it’s not only my focus but my energy. And for me, whenever I infringe on that, whenever I just have a final fight mode, I’ll just check this one thing, I’ll just go into my email, I’ll just do whatever whenever I allow myself those excuses. So whatever validation I give it at the moment, I always pay the price. There is always a direct, consistent rule between how consistent I am with my morning routine and are stripped down to how much gratitude and appreciation and productivity I experience daily without a doubt.
Doug Holt 16:27
Oh, yeah. I mean, I think that’s also important. Thank you for sharing that and that you’re not perfect. And that we aren’t thanks for telling everybody that I’m not perfect, too. But I think that’s, that’s what it is. And I call it getting your reps, right? Like we all have a default mode. And if you’ve been doing this for 28 years, for example, as you used, I think that’s what you said, then you’ve had only several years to try something new. And you need to get your reps in; you don’t go to the gym workout one time and expect to be ripped and buff and get stronger every day. Now you do it every single day till it becomes a habit. And it’s the same thing with catching yourself, we all have default modes that we go into the differences is when you’re doing the reps, so to speak, you’re repeating the process over and over again, like you are you’re catching yourself like, Hey, I’m going to this default mode. Let me retract, let’s go back to what I know works, which is setting aside my time putting my phone on airplane mode, except when Doug calls, things like that.
Those are the key things that you want to be doing. And the more and more you do those, it just becomes like brushing your teeth, right? It falls into the brush your teeth category where you just automatically get up, and you brush your teeth after you eat before you go to bed, you brush your teeth, or whatever your habits are, you just don’t think about it, you just do it and just become you. It’s the same thing with these triggers with these habits. And even being grateful becomes just something you will just be, that’s the best mark, you just do it over and over. And again, you get the reps. And when you default, you catch yourself in a microsecond, like a split second, you catch yourself and rewrite, or redirect your course of action. And I think that’s the difference. Many people just assume when they look at successful people, and you define success in your ways from the outside. That’s just easy for him. You and I talk about that bridge between the two paths.
The people on the path of struggle and on this path of really just grinding it out and then filling their void with women, alcohol, drugs, TV, sedation, whatever it is. They look at the successful guy, who seems to have it easy, and they label that guy’s lucky. And isn’t lucky, right? We don’t talk about it. The successful guy doesn’t go and is not going to say, “Yeah, I’m lucky”; it’s just easier for him to say that. The truth is he’s in a flow state. He’s made his patterns, and these caught his patterns. And he’s used his reps to make it just easy, right? And it just becomes who he is. And that’s the B part. And we’re all in that phase at different levels. Right? We all have different layers of the onion, so to speak, we’re pulling back, and sometimes we default. Okay, this is a season to hustle.
This is a season to work. And I think another thing that’s important that you mentioned, Tim, as you’re laying out your morning, right, your morning routine, which is kind of your ideal morning, you’re not lazy. That’s the difference. I think a lot of people think they think, oh, he’s going to the gym, and he’s journaling and his guys, he’s trying, he runs, he’s running a men’s movement, global men’s movement, why isn’t he getting up at four in the morning and pushing this forward? And it’s not because you have a lack of passion. It’s not because you lack work ethic; what you’re doing is working, you’re just working in a more efficient way that works for you. And that’s not lazy at all.
Tim Matthews 19:46
Yeah, that’s one of the things that I got to overcome the whole, being busy versus productive. I was addicted to being busy for a long time, but I also recognized how much of a void created in my life and what I had achieved; I just didn’t ever feel grateful for it. Now I’ve struggled to appreciate it. Because when I was living too fast and too hard, I didn’t have any time in my day or any tools or techniques within my day to dive into gratitude. And then when I did, it became something to do versus something to be. And then the whole level around being lazy. Taking time for yourself, I spoke to one of the guys today that came on The Alpha Reset retreat.
And he’s got two days and nights a week one with himself or one with his partner, his girlfriend; he doesn’t have a girlfriend yet. But he intends to find a woman of his dreams because he’s always settled in a relationship. And just today, he was saying to me, well, a second date, and I don’t have a woman there yet. So I just worked through it. And I said, Well, what are you going to do? You’re just going to create then a time when she’s there? What is it? Well, I could just tell myself for a second time. Oh, wow. Don’t you be doing that you cannot be doing yourself twice in a week? Who do you think you are? And he is there laughing at us all the definitions, isn’t it grinding our successes and whatnot? Now for me, one of the things we’ve not yet touched on this in perspective.
Because one of the things that landed for me quite a while ago is that you’re always as an achiever, there’s always going to be something to achieve. And if you are putting your happiness, if you’re delaying your happiness, sometime in the future, when you achieve a certain milestone, whether it’s the end of the course, or the end of the year, whatever it is, you get there, then you achieve it. But you don’t celebrate, and you just go on to the next thing. And the next thing and that’s because you’re an achiever, and you set goals, you achieve them, you move on, you achieve them. So for as long as you want to delay your happiness, you’re going to continue to delay your happiness.
The reality is, you’re always going to be in the process, always, like, is never going to end until the day that you stop growing. And you’re always going to be achieving something. Always, always always. So with that being said, why not just embrace that fact, and enjoy the journey and realize that right here, right now in life, this is the destination that you’ve been waiting for. Right here, right now is the moment, this is the destination. It’s not the end of the quarter, and it’s not the end of the year, there are just moments in time, right here right now, is what it’s all about, you’re always going to be in it because you’re always going to be achieving.
Doug Holt 22:51
Beautifully said, you’re 100% right, you always will be achieving. When you hit your achievements, right? I almost don’t want to say anything else, because that was just so well said. So as we’re recording this, so you have a copy of me saying that.
Tim Matthews 23:05
I was going to say when I got that.
Doug Holt 23:09
But it is well said. And I think, to dovetail on that, Tim, it’s really important for us guys, especially with what you and I are up to right now. And the rest of the people in this movement are a movement; it’s pulling us, we are very passionately in a direction. So it’s easy to get caught up in that. That idea when you see these men transform, and marriages saved, businesses saved, lives saved, and a couple of guys have admitted that, hey this is as good as it gets, I might check out. And so you hear that you and I are like oh my gosh, we need to reach as many men as possible and liberate them and free them from society’s constraints. Essentially, it’s almost like the matrix; we feel like we’re unplugging these guys in a great way. Like there’s everybody different on their journey.
So I think what it also entails is celebrating your victories, even the small ones, which could be a gratitude practice. It can also be listed; what are your three wins for the day? Because we tend to move on and move on and you and I have talked about as we build this movement, we’re looking at the next step we just run over the goals, because we’re going so quickly. We run over the goals that we set, but we don’t take time to celebrate them. And I think that we can do that, as you said at the moment, or at least by every day and focusing on your wins. What tends to happen is you tend to win more. And I think as men that’s part again of that Be-Do-Have formula.
Tim Matthews 24:45
Yeah, I agree. Agree.
Doug Holt 24:48
Well, Tim, I think that’s a wrap for this episode. I know you, and I will continue talking, and it can go on for another couple of hours as we tend to do. But let’s call that a wrap for this episode. Guys. We’ll see you again for the next episode with another great table topic. Tim, always good to see you, man. And glad things are going so well, and we’re both running on a high after that retreat.
Tim Matthews 25:10
Yeah, me too. Me too. It’s addictive. So yeah, the more man, the better. More man, the better.
Doug Holt 25:18
Alright, guys, we’ll see you next time.
