Episode #8
In this episode Tim & Doug examine the nature of courage and try to answer the question; What is courage in modern society?
Courage is something we hear about so often but do we really understand it. It’s something that we all have within us, but some users tap into it better than others and the benefits can be huge. Once you understand the true meaning of courage, you too can learn how to train yourself to be more courageous.
Courage can be used in so many ways in your life to make the changes you desire, in your business or in your personal life. Tim and Doug share real-life examples of how they and people they have worked with had the courage to open up and be honest with themselves and become the people they wanted to be, how this was a difficult process, how negatively other people reacted but how it ultimately changed their lives for the better.
What you will discover in this episode:
- The steps to having the courage within yourself.
- How courage is the key to freedom.
- Why what you often perceive as courage growing up is wrong.
- The difference between courage and bravado.
- How you can use courage to become The Powerful Man.
- Actionable steps that will help you step into your courage.
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Episode Transcript
Doug Holt 0:00
Ten years from now, right? If you continue the same path, what are those relationships going to look like? Most people listen to this because it is not an answer that they want to see. That’s not a reality that they want to face, and it takes courage to make that change.
Hi, everyone, and welcome to another episode of the powerful man show. I am your co-host, Doug Holt, in here with “The Powerful Man” himself. Tim Matthews, Tim, how you are doing, man?
Tim Matthews 0:29
Phenomenal.
Doug Holt 0:33
Why is that?
Tim Matthews 0:34
Well, as you know, Doug, we’ve just come off the back of The Alpha Reset in Wales. Words don’t even come close to what we experienced there. The results speak for themselves. Then this week, everything’s just going well, and it feels effortless. I know that kind of sounds like a cliche, but I’m just delivering what we teach. And it feels comfortable, shows a few bumps in the road now and then. But again, using the tools that we teach, I’m able to navigate past them very easily and quickly, so that I can continue on this upward spiral. It’s just great to be able to watch life unfold in this way.
Doug Holt 1:20
It’s amazing, man. And you are an example. Not that either of us is perfect, but we do the best we can. What’s interesting is today, I talked about The Alpha Reset, and it’s almost impossible to describe that all these men, you know, this is the topic I want to talk about today. And I’ll bring it up in a second, but all of these men show up, and they show up big, but they’re not the same guys that leave, I mean, not even close. And it is miraculous to see the absolute change that these men make and following up with them are continuing to make day after day after day, it warms my heart.
Tim Matthews 1:58
Yeah, one of the jokes I loved while we were in Wales, and for those who are listening that don’t know much about Wales, so Wales is on the western tip, if you will, of England. Next to it is Island, and as you can imagine, it doesn’t get a great deal of sunshine. But one of the ongoing jerks who’s getting shared was how one of the guys that got some time was spent in a house in Wales. Because as these guys open, really release and reclaim their change, not only physically, not only emotionally, but physically too, we can get into why that is the episode. But yeah, it was just an absolute blessing and an honor to be part of it for one and to then be able to continue working with these guys afterward to solidify a lot of these changes.
Doug Holt 2:49
Yeah, shout out to David. We won’t say his last name, but he showed up in such a major way. I think it was day three of the immersion; that guy just shed some serious stuff. And he emerged a different guy. He looked younger; he had color in him; his energy was so different. He saw where, you know, he saw his blind spots, I think for the first time, absolutely amazing. But I’m not going to talk and keep bragging about The Alpha Reset. Although if anybody’s listening and has any questions about it, you certainly reach out to us. The most transformational experience that I have ever seen in my 20 plus years of personal and business development is unreal. But Tim, what I want to talk about today is courage now and seeing these men show up and come time and time again define it, what do you see as courage in today’s modern society?
Tim Matthews 3:46
What is courage in modern society? Wow, courage for me in modern society is being able to be real with yourself. First and foremost, in my opinion, Doug, and we see this a lot with the men that we work with, part of the reason why they’re wearing a mask, part of how they’ve developed the mask is the fact that they felt like they’ve had to fit into everybody else’s box and they’ve gone into business. And it’s kind of been by default either from a desire or a need to prove themselves or knowingly, either been handed down a family business, we know some guys like that. Or they’ve just got into it out of just feeling like, “Well, I don’t know what else to do,” for the most part, is not a real conscious decision, if you will, for the men that we work with anywhere. I know that I struggled with this when I first went into business before finding the courage inside of me and getting real with myself as to what void I was trying to fill. Then actually come out with a closet if you will. I came out of a closet and let everybody see the real me that I was hiding. The way to prove myself to everybody else, how to prove myself, my father, to prove myself to women, now to prove myself to other men, it took courage for me to be able to surrender to that, drop the mask, and be vulnerable. As a result of that, and I did go through a tough time for six to 12 months, it was tough in the sense of my external world. From the outside, many people might have thought that my life was crumbling, if you will, because I was tearing everything down. But on the inside, I never felt like, Wow, I’ve never at that time in my life, felt as peaceful as I did, then. And it all came from having the courage to be real and be me.
Doug Holt 5:46
That’s profound, and coming out of the closet means many things these days, but we’re talking about showing yourself to the world rather than hiding in the shadows, right?
Tim Matthews 5:56
Yeah, exactly. Because 29 years of my life, that’s exactly what I did. And I never used to understand why my life was a part of stress, struggle, and sacrifice. Most of the point, to be honest, I looked for that, because I believe back then that perseverance, that was one of the things that met a man, that was one of the things that were admirable and successful in a man his ability to withstand pain, as a result of a war, that badge of honor with pride, for a long time you and I have spoken about on previous shows, put me up to put me up against any man and our hustle. And I’m the hardest worker in that whole analogy. Unable to let go of all of that, and rediscover me, first and foremost, for the first time. In my life, it did take a lot of courage, and it was a joy. It wasn’t received like I was coming out of the closet with homosexuality, we see a lot. Well, I have anyway, in the UK, when we hear stories, rather, of homosexual guys, when they come out of the closet, some of the friends turn the back on them, the families don’t understand that it can be greeted with quite a lot of animosity, and quite a lot of fear. And it’s really interesting because when I came out of the closet and chose to do me and take all my courage, I was greeted similarly. Some of my friends thought I was tired of coal, I was trying to brainwash people by telling me that, you know, I can’t speak things like that. I can share those kinds of stories, who do you think you are? A family was saying things to me. And literally, it was crazy. The second time, it was freedom and complete freedom, because there were no skeletons in the closet. And I was taking the mask off. And it was one of the most empowering chapters of my life.
Doug Holt 8:14
Wow, that is so profound. And, you know, to dovetail on that, you know, when I think back about courage, and I was doing this morning, as I was reflecting on The Alpha Reset from Wales, and I was thinking about the men who showed up. First, it takes courage to raise your hand and say, “Hey, you know, I know there’s something better out there, but maybe I could use a little help with it” that takes a lot of courage. But then a face your fears, right, those demons, those the parts inside of us that we don’t talk about others, you know, I call it those things in your head that you’re thinking about it two in the morning when you can’t fall back asleep, those conversations and to see those guys or anybody for that matter, but these men, in particular, to be exposed and be vulnerable, like you’re talking about, but that is still just one layer. Right? That’s the layer that they kind of know about, but they’re hiding. But I think I have the courage to take it to another level. And I’ll go back and share my story. I’m happy to. Another level is there are three to 20 layers deeper than that, that most of us have hidden so deeply that we just don’t even know to exist anymore. And these guys, in particular, they not only stepped up and stepped into it, obviously with our help as coaches and pushing them and helping the other men. But they were courageous enough to not only step in but what we call step to the line each and every time, and that just took tremendous amounts of courage. Amazing.
Tim Matthews 9:51
Yeah.
Doug Holt 9:54
And you know what? As you said, Doug, I was thinking about David in particular and some of the other guys as it was still there, and he was taking him through one of the exercises. And it was the unknown. I’m getting goosebumps as I think about it. For him afterward, when he was looking back on the experience, one of the things he was talking about was he didn’t know what was going to happen. And for him, it was so used to controlling everything in his life, and he was so used to controlling the outcomes and controlling the people, and controlling his emotions. And as a result, as you can imagine, when you try and control everything, there’s no real flexibility or spontaneity in your life. So, where is the room for the unknown? They’re just there aren’t any. And for him, you know, see him see him be up there and surrender into the unknown. We’ll talk about two to 20 layers beneath that first layer of raising your hand, which took a lot of courage. It’s almost like throwing yourself off a building. And finding your wings on the way down and just trusting, you know what? This feels right, I can no longer deny this desire that I’m feeling inside, and I’m going for it; I’m jumping in, not knowing how it’s going to turn out, not knowing how you’re going to make it work, but just knowing that it will. For me, that was what I witnessed in David and a lot of these other guys as well. And it was just phenomenal.
Hey, guys, I had to interrupt this show because I want to talk to you about a case study we put together; it’s only 11 minutes. And what we do is we go over and show you how almost 300 men have taken control of their life, already have 4X of business revenue, and are having more connected intimate sex with their partner using The Activation Method. And they’re doing all of this without burning down their relationships. And without suffering and sacrificing their health. We want you to have this too. So go over to https://www.thepowerfulman.com/bonus/, the number 11 one, one, and get this right now. It’s only 11 minutes, and it’s going to show you exactly how these men have done it. Alright, let’s get back to the episode.
You know, going back to the topic, what is courage in modern society? Well, I know in Gosh, my 20s, I thought I knew what it was too. My story entrepreneur now runs six companies here, traveling around the world with my family, then scuba diving with sharks without cages many times have skydived and have pet king cobra in the head, traveling through Nepal. I’ve done all these things that have set up my fears like I’m afraid of heights, so I constantly do things to challenge that fear. And taking martial arts, making sure I can not only hunt and provide for my family and business and provide for those around me but protect them, right physically, weight training and doing all these things, being an athlete. I thought that’s what courage was: what it was to be a real powerful man was to have all these attributes right to be strong, dominant, and alpha. That’s what courage is. But really what courage was, or I think courage is I should say, is taking it a level deeper, exposing your fears, your vulnerabilities to letting somebody in. So my guess is a lot of the men listening to this, and maybe even just one hopefully will hear what I’m saying and maybe resonate with it. And I was scared to let people know who the real me was, back then I didn’t think of it that way. But now that I look back, after doing decades of work with other people and myself, I was really scared to let people in more than an inch deep. And the reason was I was scared that they would hurt me; they would take advantage of me; they would hurt me, manipulate me, cheat me, steal from me, etc. And I would provide examples of how this would happen in my life, and it did. But I was really scared to show them to meet me to connect, look another man or woman in the eyes, let them into my soul to see the real vulnerable me. Everybody, you know, many people seem to us who know me, especially back then would think yeah, of course, I knew Doug. But the truth is they didn’t. They only knew as far as I would let them in. And I call that my representative. And when I look at these guys, you know I did decades of work, Tim, now I know you have too, these guys took the fast track like that was total immersion, like talking about going from not knowing how to swim to being thrown into the middle of the ocean. I think you described at one point skydive or somebody, Liam described as skydiving without a parachute in the middle of the details. See, you know, that’s what it was like, such a transformational experience. And that, to me, is modern-day true courage, and there are no dragons to slay the dragons to slay, and the kingdoms to conquer are within us. And to be a powerful man to me, it is stepping into that unknown, into that fear into those dark recesses that we don’t even know exist, but that are the primary drivers to our day to day decisions, whether it be in business with our family, with our children, and those connections. These men had the courage not only to do that, but look at some deep things in their lives, how they were connecting with their partners, right, how they were connecting with their children, in a better way, how they were not showing up for the partners, and how they were not showing up for their children. And this is not to be negative on them at all. But most of them returned to business, which a lot of us do, or turn to be upset at their partners or their kids. And really what it was, is they were upset at themselves. And we asked them what they wanted when they wanted deep in meaningful relationships with these people. So I’m going to ask you, as a listener, someone who’s listening to this, if you continue in the key relationships in your life, maybe pick your top three, right? Now, if you’re married, there’s probably going to be a partner, you may even be one foot in one foot out the door. I’ve been there too. And maybe it’s your children. Right? And my question to you is if you continue the path that you’re on today, not the dream path or where you were, but how you were relating to them today, ten years from now, right? If you continue the same path, what are those relationships going to look like? And I guess that most people assume this, which is not an answer they want to see. Right? That’s not a reality that they want to face. And it takes courage to make that change.
Tim Matthews 16:57
One of the things that were coming up for me was that as you were talking when these guys were through, the first thing that came to their mind was inviting them to express and reclaim their power, and I don’t want to give away too much about the actual exercise. Still, all of them stayed off with this show of bravado, and this isn’t anything against them spoken from about this the laugh about this now, because now they’ve found their true courage. But before, what they thought was courage was bravado. Now there stood there wanting to be the loudest, look the tallest, be the strongest, and it’s almost like the woman who could shout the loudest was the one who had the most courage. The one that could be the most forceful was the one that had the most courage for coming out of it, and what they realized is it was the one that was the most peaceful that had the most courage and the one that was able to be with themselves and let people in like you said, Doug, that had the most courage because that isn’t that what we’re here for as well like you said the deep, meaningful connection with other human beings we all crave it and we all crave I know I do. You know, it’s just what’s the point in growing a business if you don’t have anyone to enjoy with, whether it’s your family or even your clients or whatever, because you’re forever keeping people as loans because you’ll never meet your representative it’s power when these guys embrace that peaceful nature within because that’s their courage.
Doug Holt 19:05
Yeah, I mean, we think about it and a lot of these guys day one I always joke about The Alpha Reset day one’s my least favorite day and not because I don’t like it. It’s just my least fair day because you meet the representative, and you look at that man you got. There’s so much more man, dude. Just open up. Because we think of and a lot of these guys start with this kind of bravado. Like I’m a warrior, and we’ll talk about what a warrior is right, we talked about it. Well, great. Well, what are warriors used to fight? That’s it. They’re expendable, right? There’s so much more depth to these men. It’s not about being a warrior; it’s a joke. But really, we look at these guys. What’s courageous is courageous to be domineering, is courageous to beat another person up to captivate the room and dominate it. No, that’s bullshit. That’s teenage courage, right? It’s courageous, to be vulnerable and to understand that there’s a possibility that You could get hurt, yet you step up anyway. That’s friggin courage man, to step into that possibility that you might get hurt, yet you do it anyway. Blows my mind just even thinking about it; the truth is they’re not going to get hurt. But you have that in the back of the recesses of our minds is just human nature. But yet they stepped up in any way and let everybody else in, including us. And wow, the wisdom and the calmness, as you said, the peacefulness that you see when we look at these men’s eyes and their energy, second to none, that is courageous. And that is true power.
Tim Matthews 20:43
Yeah. And as you discussed, as you’re sharing, they’re about, you know, afraid of getting hurt for that none of these guys and for any of the guys that we’ve worked with, Doug, has been the fear of physical harm. Now, these guys have either done martial arts that they’ve been in the gym, they’ve been athletes, physical harm is something that they’re very familiar with. But the ability for these men to step to the line, knowing that they may get hurt emotionally, is that’s when they start to let the like people into the lives of the people that have a craving for their attention, and vice versa. They’re also craving the attention of that person too. So to see these, to see these men to open up, and to be in their presence, to experience that peacefulness was a joy to be around, I totally hear what you’re saying on day one. It’s funny to watch you, Doug, as you try and remain there. And you try and pretend that you’re not confronted by the representative, and you want to meet them where they’re I get it, it’s tough. It’s a tough day because you see something deeper, you know the truth for these men, you just we just do because I’ve worked with hundreds of men by this point, there’s a pattern, there’s a pattern that always is followed. But then to be with them at the end of day three at that dinner, where everyone’s laughing and joking, and just being real men loving one another, loving themselves, loving on one another, supporting one another. As we did the debrief afterward, that all was sharing about the brothers, they now have the deep bonds that have with other men. And in my opinion, one of the amazing things about The Alpha Reset is the unconditional love that these men experienced, firstly, for themselves, and then for one another that directly fuels that courage.
Doug Holt 22:52
Yeah, it’s so true. And I can see the people that I’ve talked to about this, and you talk about its courage to step into your fears. You gotta understand I want these guys you mentioned as a problem for the Krav Maga instructor. He’s like, 6’3 like he could go into a room, and pretty much clear it out with physical prowess, right. But the truth was, he was sitting in the back of his not only life, but he had a story that I just sit in the back and observe and watch. And the truth was, he was scared. And he was scared to let people in. And so he made up a story that I don’t matter. And I’ll sit in the back of the room, and let everybody else take their turn. And that guy is now stepping up with such power and courage and peacefulness, as you said, and he’s stepping up and taking his turn the sky’s the limit. So these aren’t men that are broken, so to speak, these are men that aren’t strong in a traditional sense. Now, these are men who are extra strong in the fact that they step up each and every time or stepped up this time anyway, and we’ll be able to unpeel back those layers of these roadblocks that they didn’t know existed. Tim, we’re coming to an end here. And what I want to do though, is, is leave the guys and maybe we get a lot of women that listen to this as well, who are looking for a powerful man, but really, they want their partners, their husbands or partners to step up. Let’s give them at least one thing or maybe two that they can do right now to step into their courage or identify where maybe they’re leaking in this area.
Tim Matthews 24:31
Yeah, so something really simple that is also very profound. When you create the space for it is asking your loved ones, your wife, or even be friends. Now, what is it like to be in a relationship with me? And if you can ask your wife the way in which I suggest you do this, is you shifted the environment, don’t do it at home when you sign from the TV, then turn to her and say Hey, how would you like to be in a relationship with me, chances are, you’re not going to get real feedback, take us somewhere, take on a date. And you know, frame it in the way that, hey, you know what, I’ll use Amelia, my partner? Hey, Amelia, I’ve been thinking lately, and I really would love to be a better, no better husband for you. You know, you mean a lot to me, I love you, and I want to be the best I can. So I really like to know what it is like to be in a relationship with me. And just be that and receive it, and ask your wife to be as honest and transparent as possible. Because that way, you can improve and ask your kids, how can I be a better father and ask your dad or your mother? How can I be a better son? And again, for him in the context of this, and during a different environment. So what they used to, because for the most part, whenever the men do this, to get some really, really surprising feedback, that starts to open up a conversation, and a new, just new possibilities, which then you’ll have the option to call on your own courage and take action on it to create something new.
Doug Holt 26:12
What a powerful exercise. And I’m going to add to that to the guys listening to this because if you’ve been a jerk, let’s just call it what it is, or a dick. I recommend asking just to write it down and letting them know it’s a safe place. Because if you haven’t been showing up loving as you can, and we know the truth, if you have or not you as men, we just know. And I certainly know I wasn’t at a time in my life. And not that I was mean or anything, but I just wasn’t showing up as fully as I could, maybe a little bit more current than I needed to be. You have them write it down and let them know it’s a safe place and come from a loving place when you make that request. Otherwise, they’re going to be scared to share the true answers. And so when you get those answers, just realize you’re getting a really no matter how much it hurts whatever they say, it’s a really buffered, conservative answer you’re getting. And the truth is probably a lot deeper here. And it’s really amazing. So, Tim, I want to end with anybody listening to this that has any resonance with any part of this if you have the courage to step up and raise your hand, reach out to somebody obviously, it’s what we do. But even if it’s not with us to do something that deep work, the world needs the real you. And not just your representative. Life is way too short to be playing small. So we’d love to talk to you about The Alpha Reset, or The Activation Method or, or some of the other advanced programs that we have; of course, you have to go through The Alpha Reset to get to the others. It’s our baseline program as much as we talk about it. But raise your hand step up, have the courage to make the change.
Tim Matthews 27:54
Yeah, be that courage is already within you. You know it’s there. And if I’m completely honest, which I always am. Yeah, I really don’t feel like you’d be listening to this podcast. And if there weren’t something that was missing in your life, you just wouldn’t. And with that being said, I would love for you to be able to call them the courage within you that’s already there. And like Doug said, Ask for help, whether it’s with friends, family, whatever, I don’t really care, I’d love to work with you. We’d love to work with you. But the most important thing here is that you just call them that courage. And raise your hand because that will open the floodgates to some amazing possibilities.
Doug Holt 28:52
Yeah, guys, you know, we’re on a movement here the number one cause of death for, for men, I believe it’s 35 to 55. And I’m sure I’m getting these numbers a little bit wrong. But so excuse me; here is suicide. It’s not talked about, and it’s because we as men haven’t had a voice to step into. It’s always been this bravado that we’re taught to do so. We’re here for you, regardless of what it is that you decide to do, and move forward, choose to move forward with something else. Tim, as always, thank you so much for joining me in this episode, and I look forward to talking to you in the next one.
Tim Matthews 29:26
Likewise.
