Episode #867
In this episode, we delve into grounded masculinity—a powerful blend of strength, stability, and authenticity. Discover how to break free from societal expectations and embrace your true self. Are you a married businessman feeling disconnected from your purpose, overwhelmed by the pressures of life, or struggling to maintain meaningful relationships? You’re not alone. Doug and Tim offer a refreshing take on what it means to be a strong and present man today, guiding you to reconnect with your inner power and lead from a place of genuine confidence.
They’ll cover how to navigate challenges, from relationship hurdles to career demands, and provide actionable strategies to help you stay grounded in your values. This episode isn’t just about reclaiming your strength—it’s about cultivating a sense of stability that allows you to be fully present for your family, your business, and most importantly, yourself. Learn how to turn vulnerability into a source of power, how to remain calm in the face of adversity, and how to create a life where you are fully engaged and alive.
Tune in for this enlightening conversation that will inspire you to take action, redefine your path, and embrace a version of masculinity that is as compassionate as it is powerful. This is your chance to step into your role as the leader of your life and create the future you’ve always envisioned. Don’t miss this opportunity to transform your life and relationships by embracing grounded masculinity!
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Transcription
Tim Matthews 0:00
Grounded. Masculinity is about being emotionally stable, self-aware, and authentic. It involves embodying strength, without aggression, confidence, without arrogance, and being present and connected. The point is when you commit to a daily practice. Very easy to do, very easy not to do the compound effect kicks in and over time, as you do it, day by day, just like the penny that doubles every day for 30 days, you really start to see the benefit you a grounded masculinity.
Doug Holt 0:40
What is it and what does it mean to be a modern masculine man in today’s society? Men are bashed. Alpha. Men are bashed. The term alone either triggers some people or makes other people perk up their ears. But what does it mean to be a grounded masculine man? Today, we’re going to talk about that. We’re going to dive into what is grounded masculinity, and how can you get there. Should you want to go that path? Tim, thanks for being here.
Tim Matthews 1:13
Man, it’s a pleasure. Brother.
Doug Holt 1:15
I love this topic. It’s one that’s near and dear to your heart, in particular, and I’ve really seen you flourish in this whole concept of grounded masculinity, and share that with the men.
Tim Matthews 1:26
Thank you. Yeah, I love it. I’m fascinated by it. I think a lot of the guys, before they come into The Activation Method for self, don’t realize this exists, obviously, understandably. But two, don’t realize that this is a thing that they are looking for when they feel stuck and when they feel unclear. They also don’t realize this is a thing they are lacking which has led to the issues of feeling are facing rather when they experience the five agonies and no man’s land, because a lot of it does come from not having grounded masculinity. Because, like you said, you know, core component if I just read out the definition, a definition for grounded masculinity doesn’t exist. This is one that we, within TPM, have developed, and what we use as a North Star. So grounded masculinity is about being emotionally stable, self-aware, and authentic. I love that bit. It involves embodying strength without aggression, confidence, without arrogance, and being present and connected.
Doug Holt 2:36
I love that it’s being the WOLF, wise, open, loving, and fierce, 100%, and I can’t tell the listeners how many times, and you get this that we’ll get on a call with somebody right? Doesn’t matter who it is. In fact, we even had someone interviewing for a marketing position, and they said, Man, I was so relieved because when I saw the name the powerful man, and you hear the term alpha, you think of some of the other people that might be out there that are more polarizing than Andrew Tates or somebody else in the area, the guy said I was so refreshed when I started listening to your content and realized what you guys are talking about is power from within, not this macho beat your chest thing that’s out there and grounded masculinity, to me, is very similar. It’s quiet confidence. It has nothing with being the loudest guy in the room. Has nothing to do with beating your chest and being the strongest guy in the room. It all has to do with being the WOLF, as we say, which is an acronym for wise, open, loving, and fierce, 100%.
Tim Matthews 3:35
I mean, when a guy doesn’t embody grounded masculinity, he leaves himself open to being the DEER, defending, excusing, explaining, react. And when somebody is stuck and unclear, like we were talking about in the last episode, typically somebody is reacting to the world around them, and they are living from the outside in, you know, one of the transitions that men make in The Activation Method for self is they go from living from the outside into the inside out. And what that means is they are able to really understand who they are, what they want, and the value they bring to the world, and they’re able to live and act in alignment with that. You know, a lot of the guys before that oftentimes act from a place of, how will this look to others? They’re constantly obsessed with getting validation from everyone else but themselves, so they go and build the house or buy the watch or buy the car, or cars, whatever it may be, all because they want to look a certain way to everybody else. They want to look like they’re successful, yet they feel anything but successful. And it’s the opposite of grounded masculinity because ground. Did masculinity. And you know, we’ve seen a lot of guys make this shift. We’ve seen guys sell their car collections.
We’ve seen guys downsize their houses. We’ve seen guys stop dressing as flying flamboyantly. They’re still stylish, but they’re very understated, right? You know, often joke about the guys in the movement being the kind of guys who are crossing the road and an old woman, an old grandma, drops her handbag, and they’re the first ones there to run over and help her pick it up. Yeah, what they don’t know is that guy is highly successful within the business, but he doesn’t make a big show and dance of it. Hence, you know the definition of what it means to be alpha, right to your point, with quiet confidence, quiet self-assurance, calming effect. You lead by example. You’re comfortable with that, but going back to grounded masculinity and living from the out outside in versus inside, out outside in bravado, outside in external validation, outside in reacting to the world around them. Outside in no man’s land, five agonies, Inside Out internal validation, Inside Out responding to the world around them. And it’s this piece around them becoming very authentic. A shift from being inauthentic to being authentic.
Doug Holt 6:24
Yeah, I’m laughing over here only because I remember trying to explain this to a group of guys, and I use the wrong terminology. And luckily they knew me, so they gave me grace. But when you live that way, when you live when you’re in your grounded masculine energy, okay, so most men, bell-shaped curves are masculine. For most women, bell-shaped curves are feminine. So there’s polarity. That’s the dance of the of the sexes. But being a grounded, masculine man, confident and assured, when you get your validation, you get your strength, when you get your power inside of yourself, and it’s not external, nobody can take that away from you, and when nobody can take that away from you, it makes you ineffable with I lose. I left the with part out in the joke where I was telling these guys like, no, no, we want to be able, but people can’t mess with you. No, they just can’t. You’re unwavering, unflappable. You know, here we’re at the TPM Ranch. It’s a 106-acre ranch in the heart of Central Oregon, sisters right at the base of a mountain.
And the people that live in this area are, most of them are well to do, well-educated, remote workers, executives for Nike, and such. And so when a couple of guys are here, and I take them out to grab a pint or whatever else it is, and the other guys I know in the community, they go, there’s something different about these guys. There’s just something different and I don’t talk about what we do, right? I just it’s not my thing. But they can feel that the men that have gone through the programs, that are in a state of grounded masculinity, that they are just there’s something different about them, there’s an aura, an allure, if you will, about these men, and it’s because they’re not out there trying to get something, seeking external validation. Hey, if I tell you something, I make you laugh, then you like me. They’re not. They’ll tell jokes. But they tell jokes because it’s funny. It’s what they choose to do, and if the joke doesn’t land, they’re okay with it in the inside.
Tim Matthews 8:29
Yeah, well said, you know, when somebody doesn’t have grounded masculinity, the thing is, it exists in every guy. Yep, it’s there. It’s already inside of them. The question is whether or not they’re going to turn their attention inward instead of outward, 100% because whilst their attention is turned outward, they’re going to be people-pleasing. They typically going to be living their life in order to please and impress others, which ends up with them being stuck and having this void like we spoke about last time. And I definitely had those tendencies when I was in that position because honestly, I just wanted to again. I didn’t realize this at the time, but I wanted to be liked, and I wanted to be seen by others as being significant. Therefore, I would do things for others that I thought would then please them so I could get that validation or significance from them, or I’d build things like a business in order to look a certain way so it’s something to point at and say, hey, look, look, I’m significant. A lot of guys that come through, they’ll build a house so they can point at the house, or they’ll buy the car, so they can point at the cars, but it’s all these physical things they try and point to in order to prove to themselves. Of them told us that they are significant, and that’s what we talk about when someone’s deactivated and when somebody is able to turn their attention inward. There’s a quote that I absolutely love, go within or go without, and so much depth and value to that. And when somebody does choose to go within and activate or become activated, the grounded masculinity within them, the definition they do become emotionally stable so they’re not flapping in the wind and changing their mind and their direction to either please people or make more money so they look good, or whatever. It’s exhausting and tiring to be in that position. Equally, when they activate it, they’re then able to become self-aware and authentic.
They are able to actually cultivate those feelings of charisma and confidence. What we’re talking about on the other podcast with SMV 2.0 and the other piece to this, they embody strength without aggression. Now they’re not trying to dominate other people. They’re not trying to put other people down. Their strength comes from an inner strength from an inner knowing of themselves who they are in the world and where they’re going in the world and how they act in the world. And then the confidence about the arrogance like they have nothing to prove, they have nothing to hide and nothing to prove, which is kind of like that saying who’s the scariest guy to have a fight with, the guy that has nothing to lose? That’s where these guys end up. They have nothing to hide and nothing to prove, and the confidence and the sense of freedom and fulfillment that comes with that is, I mean, for me, that’s what life’s all about. As guys, we crave freedom. We crave fulfillment. It’s one of the deepest masculine desires, and grounded masculinity is one of the pathways, really, to be able to achieve that. And finally, the final piece is what they do. They become present and connected. Instead of constantly being in one place but trying to be somewhere else, they’re able to be where the feet are. Instead of being at home and thinking about work or being at work and thinking about home, they were able to be where their feet are, be connected to themselves and to the moment, and actually enjoy the moment. Because prior to them making this transition, they don’t enjoy the moment, either, because they’re in the head so thinking about other things, or someone gives them a compliment, and they brush it off because they don’t believe it just feels uncomfortable, feels a bit weird.
Doug Holt 12:43
Hey, guys, I wanted to interrupt this episode because it’s dawned on me that many of you guys aren’t aware that we actually have a book on how to save your marriage without talking about it. Now, 1000s of men have read it, and they’ve reviewed it, and I want to give you the opportunity to do the same if you’re interested in grabbing it. It’s a short read, but it’s helped a lot of men just like you. Maybe you’re not interested in The Activation Method yet, but this is a small entry point that can really turn things around for you. Go over Amazon we have it priced as cheap as Amazon will let us, and that way you have a resource that you can use right now to start getting some results in your marriage. Now let’s get back to the episode.
Tim Matthews 13:19
All they achieve is some kind of milestone, and it doesn’t satisfy them. They don’t it doesn’t scratch the itch. So they just keep going and going and going, all because they’re afraid that it’s all going to come crashing down any minute because they’re living in fear, and they actually don’t feel worthy of the success they’ve just created.
Doug Holt 13:42
Yeah, it’s so true. As I’m sitting here listening to you, I’m reminded of, gosh, a talk that I heard Tony Robbins do, I don’t know where he got his information from, but I remember him talking about seven human needs and the most common human need for a man, or the one that men go for, is significance. The problem with significance is there. There always be somebody with a bigger house. There always be somebody, my dad, remember him telling me when I was when I was working out, I was, you know, I think it was boxing at the time. He said, hey, look, no matter how much you work out, how big you get, strong, you get good at boxing, there’ll always be someone bigger, right? And what he was trying to tell me is like, don’t put your energy in that land of comparison, right? Significance, if you will. What grounded masculinity is, to meet him is men take this need for significance and throw it to the back of the seven, the back of the list of these human needs. Therefore, they find the significance inside themselves. They’re able, then to focus on their energy, on what they want the people around them. Something else that I notice is when I watch men come through our program, and they’ve been there for a while. They’ve maybe taken a ground of masculinity masterclass. Uh, maybe they’ve taken The Activation Method for self and they’ve really embodied the practices. Now that’s also something that the guys should know.
There are a series of practices, not theories, that allow you to get into this grounded masculine state, and we’ll cover that in a little bit. But when a grounded masculine man butts up against a woman, you see the women melt. When a grounded, masculine man butts up against a man, one of two things happens, the man is in awe of the other guys, and I see this all the time, or the man feels uncomfortable. And this is really interesting. I’ve been observing this a lot, and the guy feels uncomfortable. My theory, I don’t know this to be true, but I’ve seen this so much when our guys go out, or we go out to get dinner or something, and they’re talking to a stranger. What have you I think the Reflection THE STARS con the stark contrast to the reflection the man’s receiving. So we have the grounded, masculine man. Then we have another guy. The other guy feels uncomfortable because he’s sitting in this I don’t have that stage. This guy’s got something I can’t put my finger on. I don’t have it. I don’t feel comfortable. I’ve been in that situation. I remember my 20s being in that situation coming up. There’s a guy who definitely knows who the guy is, and he just had something. There’s something about him. Now, retrospectively, hindsight, being 2020, he was a grounded, masculine man. He wasn’t trying to prove anything to me. I was much younger than he was, but he had something about him. He was so secure with who he was that it almost made me, at that time, stage of my life, feel uncomfortable being around him, because he was a reflection of what.
Tim Matthews 16:34
I wasn’t. I love that we’ve all been around those people and we’ve just he’s got something. Thanks, buddy. He’s got Yeah, you’ve got it. You definitely do have it. I know you know that, but I think it’s a good point as well because I know in my life, I’ve definitely repeated that same sentence of that person. There’s just something about them. It’s kind of hard to put your finger on what it is. It’s just a feeling, an energy, whatever it may be. But you know, most of the time what it is is this grounded masculinity. And again, I just keep wanting to pin this, this contrast for the listeners here, because there’s there’s lack of it, and there’s the embodiment of it. And to your point, is definitely a practice. It’s not like you do it once and you have it. It’s like going to the gym, you get to keep going and keep doing the practice. But I think one of the key pieces within grounded masculinity is authenticity and integrity. Yeah, and these are, like, they’re buzzwords, right? They, I think in a lot of respects, they may have lost their meaning a bit over the past five to 10 years, because we’ve heard it a lot. But I think what it’s important to highlight is one of the fastest ways to build confidence is to make and keep promises to yourself. Yep, 100% one of the fastest ways to lose confidence is to make and break promises to yourself. Your word is where your integrity comes from, and the reality is, you’re the one that is going to know the most how true Your word is you’ll know when you rest your head on the pillow at night. Somebody who doesn’t have grounded masculinity doesn’t realize that this law, just like gravity, just like SMV, is either working for them or against them. They often think, Oh, it’s just a little it’s just a little thing, whatever it may be the time to wake up working out, cutting corners, cutting corners. We’ll use that theme because it covers so much don’t realize that it’s kind of like death by 1000 paper cuts, and it creates a level of cognitive dissonance inside of them whereby they really begin to doubt themselves and their word, and therefore they begin to doubt their direction in the world. Hence, people are pleasing. Hence, hey, look at me. Let me point at this thing because they naturally feel inauthentic and they naturally feel out of integrity.
Doug Holt 19:22
Yeah, it’s really interesting. I think authenticity is again, coming back to this. What also comes up to me when I hear about what you’re talking about, keeping your word right? And that’s not one I actually even thought about with grounded masculinity, but when you when you say it, I’m like, wow, that’s just, it’s a truth. But also the women in our life are watching us. Are we keeping our word to ourselves or not? And which makes sense, because all women want a grounded masculine man, right? All healthy women, I should say, want a grounded masculine man. When I talk to any of you, I’m dragging you to a kid’s pool party today. Poor guy. Yeah, but you’re visiting, and I have kids. I’ve always wanted to go to kids’ pool party, but we’ll be there with, you know, other couples and what have you that are going to be there. Not that you and I are a couple, but my wife’s coming, and we’ll be there, going through there. And when I think about what all these women are really looking for, they’re looking towards their man to guide them, to have this truth, to have this integrity and authenticity about himself. And women comment about this all the time, and what they’re really saying is, I want a grounded, masculine man. They don’t want to make the decisions.
Remember, my wife was here, and we’re like, Okay, we’re gonna go out to get dinner. She goes, can you just please make the choice of the restaurant, the food, the time, and all that? I just don’t have the capacity, and I just want to be in my feminine. And what she was saying was, Yeah, hey, be a grounded masculine man and take control. I want to be able to surrender to my femininity. But in order for me to surrender my feminine, I need you to be the masculine. Now, my wife doesn’t have to do it. Like all people, we fall into this, hey, where do you want to go? You know, the type of situation where we’re looking for collaboration. That’s good. When we talk about authenticity and stepping into this grounded, masculine role. To me, it’s about learning the practices, then doing the practices, which then comes back to keeping your word, because it’s easy to do them, but it’s easy not to do them, and many men fall out. And what we see within TPM is guys do what we call lone WOLF. Things start to go really well, having great sex and connection with their wife. They’re doing great with their kids. The business is doing well, so they stop their practices, and the next thing they know, they fall out of being the grounded, masculine man that they were, and they wonder why things around them are crumbling again.
Tim Matthews 21:51
And as Chief says, there are levels to the game, and that’s why we’re excited for the Alpha Rising. Yep, no need to go into that right now. But you know, we’ve designed the territory of self throughout the Alpha Ascension Matrix, so that as somebody progresses through the levels of Alpha, they get to go deeper within the category of self, deeper within the model for grounded masculinity, because there’s a lot of depth and richness to this. The Activation Method for self is the entry point that a lot of the men go through and experience The Alpha Reset and get some very tangible practices that they’re able to use on a daily basis, using the model for grounded masculinity. And honestly, you know, you said on the last podcast, getting in a circle and uncomfortable every week, that’s one of the practices within grounded masculinity. One of the core questions is, how are you going to get uncomfortable in the next seven days? Finding and challenging one another to get an answer to that question is actually going to challenge them. In the beginning, the guys were nervous to say because they knew the truth about what they ought to do, but they also knew if they said it, it would become real. And because they’re integris, they were going to commit to it, and the journey of the next seven days to execute that particular thing was going to be one hell of a ride.
Credit to those guys. They always surrendered to the truth, and they shared it, and in doing so, their levels of authenticity, integrity, groundedness, calmness, and confidence just went through the roof. Now, they also employ some of the daily practices within grounded masculinity in their ARS as well. That Alpha Rise and Shine actually got a message from Cleaver last week, and he was saying to me, you know, the practices we’ve given him in grounded masculinity, he’s continued to use them. He said he’s continuing to see some profound shifts in his life every day, through the practice, through the questioning, and then through the flow frameworks and not reacting to triggers. The point being when you commit to a daily practice, it’s very easy to do, and very easy not to do. The compound effect kicks in, and over time as you do it, day by day, just like the penny that doubles every day for 30 days, you really start to see the benefit.
Doug Holt 24:44
You do. Now, I know you’re doing a training, and I think this podcast, this episode, the show, is going to come out after that training. Are you going to cover any of these concepts in that training? If guys can get a copy or new training, or anything around random masculinity?
Tim Matthews 25:00
Okay, yes, we’ll be touching on elements of it, obviously, in The Activation Method for self, that’s where there’s a deep dive into this. We give the guys a model for grounded masculinity, and then they’re actually able to go through The Alpha Reset as well, which gives them a very experienced, experiential experience, if you will, of grounded masculinity. I mean, where the guys are after The Alpha Reset, you know, I would say they very much embody this definition of grounded masculinity. I’m just looking at some other things here. Being authentic means being true to yourself and your values. The guys come out of The Alpha Reset completely aligned, clear, and aligned with that. So, yeah, we’ll be sharing elements. If the listeners want to get a copy of the workshop, just email to VIP, a very important person at the powerful man, and happy to give it to them.
Doug Holt 25:51
Yeah, VIP at the powerfulman.com. Yes, awesome, Tim. Let’s leave these guys with one or two thoughts. Why don’t you close this and wrap this up for us?
Tim Matthews 26:00
Get into a daily practice. Again, very easy to do, very easy not to do. Now, what could that daily practice include? I suggest starting with a very basic breathing exercise. Just do box breathing. Super simple. It’s not going to be a groundbreaking grounded masculinity practice, but the idea is it’s going to get you out of your head and into your body. And if a guy were to do just 10 minutes of box breathing—let’s say this isn’t even one of the techniques we give the guys, but it’ll get them into their body—just 10 minutes of box breathing in the morning and when he finishes work, it’s going to help him to be more grounded. But really, and this isn’t a plug for what we do, there isn’t a model for grounded masculinity anywhere else. It’s something that we’ve developed over the past 10 years from working with thousands of men. You naturally see patterns; you naturally see things when you’re in such close proximity, guiding and supporting men in the trenches with them from all walks of life. So I’d really encourage them to explore The Activation Method for self, because that’s where they are given the specific tools, guidance, and support to be able to move from living from the outside in, where they’re seeking validation, reacting to things, being triggered, feeling lost, and unhappy, to living from the inside out, where they are calm, grounded, authentic, have internal validation, know their significance, and operate in the world from a place of clarity and conviction, feeling an incredible sense of freedom and fulfillment.
Doug Holt 28:04
Love it. Love it. As always. Man, such a great opportunity. And now that this has been codified, right? It’s a methodology, and that’s something we always work for. It’s not theory. It’s a codified methodology to activate the core area of self, we have five territories self, which we have The Activation Method for self, self, health, wealth, relationships, The Activation Method for relationships and business. We talk about all five in the back end of The Brotherhood and the inner circle. But those guys are interested in either of those. There’ll be a link down below for you guys to do it. Gentlemen, as we always say, in the moment of insight, take a massive action. I know I say that every time, but I want you to do it. Don’t just take action. Take massive action. Move the needle, grab that, and use the leverage to get you to where you want to go. You were not born on average. You were born for greatness. We’ll see you next time on the TPM show.
