Episode #658
Are you finding love in what you do?
If the answer is no, then it’s time to rekindle your passion for what you do and reconnect with YOURSELF.
In this episode, we’ll get into some ways to shift your mindset and what you can do to regain your passion because you deserve to win in life.
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Transcription
Doug Holt 00:01
Hey guys, welcome to The Powerful Man Show where we help married businessmen save their marriages without having to talk about it, get unstuck and gain clarity in their lives. As I like to say life is too short for average. I’m your host, Doug Holt with my co-host, Tim The Powerful Man Matthews. Now let’s get this started!
Tim Matthews 00:39
Here with my good friend, brother, colleague.
Doug Holt 00:52
Do great man. I love it when you kick the podcast or the show off, man, I think you do a great job. We should do more of that.
Tim Matthews 00:59
Well, so happens when you throw a minute last minute, put me in coach, put me in, put me in.
Doug Holt 01:06
It’s funny, you and I, we work so well together. And at the same time, in a lot of ways we couldn’t be more opposite.
Tim Matthews 01:15
Yeah. It’s great!
Doug Holt 01:20
Before the show, oh, it’s amazing. I love it. I really truly love it. I think it’s what’s gotten us a lot of success. And it’s made it really fun. You know, before this, you had this whole plan. I want to plan out the whole year. What do you think I’m like, wait a minute, I need to make sure that I can change these plans. It’s notice. I’m, like, Well, we do these podcasts and film. Like, you know, one of us wants prep time and wants to know the subject. The other one of us is like; I don’t want to know anything. Let’s just get on hit record and talk.
Tim Matthews 01:56
Yeah.
Doug Holt 01:57
Yeah, I’ll let the listeners decide who’s who.
Tim Matthews 02:02
Which kind of parlays into today’s topic, right? Which is all around shifting your thinking and regaining your business Mojo. Because one of the things that comes to mind for me in this topic, you know, we work with so many business owners that it’s all about feeling like a paycheck. Right?
Doug Holt 02:20
Yep.
Tim Matthews 02:21
And I think partly that is because they kind of are in some respects, they’re in a business that they don’t really want to be in are. They’ve not yet figured out how to be in it. Right? So they’re just in it to for the money. And they’re brilliant men. Guys listen to this. And you know, a lot of the guys we work with, they’re realign themselves in many ways, which is fantastic. But I’ve definitely fallen victim to this in the past, just kind of stumbling into a business you know, you do as an entrepreneur, you just kind of stumble across a problem, you realize, hey, I could do something about that.
And then before you know it, you deep in it, learning about it, starting something building a business and before you know it, you know, 5, 10 years have gone by and or you may have been handed the business to you. Maybe it’s a family business, something like that, right? So it can be hard to regain the business module, it can feel like you’re a paycheck, and it can feel like you just going into work every day just to make ends meet. And if they got a high burn rate, for example. So maybe even feel like you’re forced to go into a company you don’t really want to be in. And it can be hard. Do you relate to that type of interest? From your early business?
Doug Holt 03:39
Oh, yeah. Feeling like I’ve been a paycheck before? Absolutely. And that’s a that was a big problem. I’ve had that, that issue come up in my marriage a number of times, you know, where you just feel like, I’m just a paycheck. And it’s obviously just a story. I’m telling myself, whereas my needs aren’t getting met. My cups not being filled. And or my wife just we’re not feeling connected. And I feel like just slaving away working hard. Nobody cares about me. Woe is me. That story, and it almost always is when I’m not filling my cup.
Tim Matthews 04:18
Yeah, great point. And what about feeling as though you’re in a business that’s very transactional? What I mean by that you’re just in it for the sake of making some money and you feel kind of trapped by it.
Doug Holt 04:31
I only felt that once in my adult life. Only one time in my adult life. I had a basically a interim CEO/CMO role where I came into a company and I was hired as more of a consultant than a CEO or CMO. So my contract essentially was I would advise the owner and his team on what to do with their marketing their sales and where to run their business. And I just I didn’t enjoy it…enjoy the team I did enjoy. I enjoyed some of the team and enjoy them all.
And when I found the owner and the executive team to be unethical is when it all transpired, I ended up leaving, just I didn’t want to deal with it, you know, paid really well, insanely well. And there they wanted to renew offered me more money. But it wasn’t. I wasn’t passionate about it. And it wasn’t didn’t align with my integrity. As soon as I figured out, it didn’t align with my integrity, I exited. I sent an email said I’m out of here.
Tim Matthews 05:40
And you mentioned something really key that the beginning right, you didn’t enjoy it. And it reminds me know, we’ve got some amazing men in the movement. And some of them almost kind of feel like they’ve got golden handcuffs, right, the love, the love the company, that bill for the position that they occupy within the company is one that they kind of feel like they can’t leave, I’m thinking about the profit, for example, him and I had a great call yesterday.
And he’s wanting to be able to really step into a seat within his company that he really, it really excites him right really sees himself come alive. But he’s kind of feels like he’s got the golden handcuffs. And therefore as a result is in inevitably you can you can kind of lose that business module a little bit, right, especially when you’re not enjoying it, you don’t feel like you have the freedom to fully really expressed those creative juices.
Doug Holt 06:33
Well, a perfect example, as we talked about this in the last show, is last night, you know, I my young kids, I talked about slot in the podcast, because that happens a lot. Where as a father, I’m woken up in the middle of the night don’t get much sleep. Yet, I still got up early this morning, I was excited to go through messages from the team, go through messages from clients, and then get here to do this show with you. Like I was excited to do that one of the previous job that I was talking about that I got hired for as a consultant, I wasn’t excited. And when I wasn’t excited, I lost that freshness, I wasn’t as effective.
Now, the fact that they wanted to renew my contract was great. But I knew deep in my soul in my heart that I wasn’t giving my best by any means. It was better than they were used to, which is great. But it wasn’t my best. And I had no Mojo for that particular business. Whereas you look at the powerful man, the movement we are, you know, we have quite a large staff. And one of the things we pride ourselves in is the living it out phase. It’s one of our core values. And we get to have fun with what we do. I’m really passionate about this.
And I’m not going to speak to the prophet but I can speak to a lot of guys like him who have built great businesses are miserable. And there’s one guy in particular I’m thinking of right now, who is he’s listening to this I’m sure is he’s built a large is a massive large amount of wealth, a large amount, by most people’s definition, I’m going to be most people 99.8% of the world definition, yet he’s not happy. And I think if he’s if he really pivoted and started doing what he loved, and not worried about the money, he would actually be happy, maybe even make more money, and enjoy.
And we think about this whole topic that you brought up was how to shift your thinking regain your business Mojo, you can’t solve the problem that says I think was Einstein that said that from the same place that started the problem, the same methodology of thinking. And I know I’m butchering the quote, but the ideas here. Yeah, you just can’t. And so if you’re in this place where you’re feeling stuck, or you don’t have your mojo for your business or something else, all business owners think Tim and my experience is I when I get to this one place this 1, 2, 3, things get in place this key hire this acquisition, whatever it is, then I can enjoy myself.
And being somebody has worked with business leaders for almost 30, not 30 years, 25 years or so now. Yeah, about 25 years. And one way or another start off with owning a personal training studio, just catering to business leaders then moved into mentoring and coaching is, most often we’re waiting for that time to be happy. And that goes to the one year and then two years and three years and five, then ten years go by. And you’re always waiting for that moments like looking for some go grab your calendar and find some day on there, right? It doesn’t exist. So how do you change it? How do you regain your business Mojo? The Mojo you have your compass there’s just two options the way I see it, Tim?
Tim Matthews 09:46
Yeah. (Crosstalk) Oh, go for it.
Doug Holt 09:50
One is you change what you’re doing completely. So for the guy I was referencing earlier, I think he needs to exit his current business and go into something completely different. The second thing is you refine your passion for your current business. Yeah, both can be done. I’ve done it with so many clients both ways. But the choice has to be in the person who, you know isn’t at, see what it is you actually want to do.
Tim Matthews 10:16
You’ve got to do what you love. You just sounds cliché, but you just do, you know, in terms of finds the trap of just being a paycheck, and then having a high burn rate and feeling trapped by your business and telling yourself story and building a business. Having a life that serves your business versus having a business that serves your life. It can be that way. And it’s not about becoming. Yeah.
Doug Holt 10:43
So, yeah, thanks. Caffeine is kicking in. So I agree that you, I agree, and I disagree. I think that’s a paradigm shift that gets to be made in our society, or at least in the coaching world, is this idea that you have to do what you love? Right? That’s what people say all the time. I also think you can find love in what you do. Right? So I was talking about those two paths. And I don’t think it’s talked about enough. So what I mean by that is, you can, it’s your marriage, the same way your relationship, you can say, hey, you gotta do what you love.
And guys are like, well, cool, I haven’t been laid in a long time. So go down, and have sex with the barista the Secretary, get on Tinder, or whatever these sites are these days that you can get on I don’t even know. And they’re gonna move that direction. Or you can find love in what you do. And I know you’re saying the same thing Tim. But I think that’s semantics when we look at this as you can rekindle passion and what you’re doing.
I know it feels like it’s a dull, it’s all slug, it’s hard work. But you can find that passion, again, that you had previously or a completely different passion for what you’re doing. That’s the choice is yours. Or you can go and do something different that you love. Either way to your point, you get to come to the same conclusion that the thing you end up doing is something that you enjoy, so that you only get four hours asleep, you get out of bed, and you’re excited to go out today.
Tim Matthews 12:18
Yeah, exactly. Whether it’s again, regaining in the thing that you do off choosing something new either way, you’ve got to enjoy it, you just do. Otherwise, it’s going to be a drain on you, you’re going to come home, you’re going to be negative, you’re going to be critical. Everyday go into that position, or that company, or whatever it may be, it’s going to reflect and reinforce back to you all the ways in which not living in alignment with how you see yourself, it’s gonna wear thin, right?
So you have to do it, you have to figure out what it is either within your current company that you can shift into and do more of because you enjoy it to your point of regaining it, finding love in it. I am concerned when we talk about finding love in it. And I’m thinking about some of these guys in particular. I think that’s what they’ve been trained to do. I think we keep on trying to rediscover the love in it. And the love just isn’t that.
Doug Holt 13:14
I disagree.
Tim Matthews 13:15
What do you mean?
Doug Holt 13:16
Yeah, so in my experience working with some of these guys, well, I disagree. And I agree, I think what they’re waiting for something to happen that will allow them to go do something else, or allow them to have that feeling again. Rather than being I think you need to almost be coached through it, being coached through of a paradigm shift within your business.
Because if you’re waiting, if you’re waiting for your marriage to work out, it ain’t gonna happen, guys, if you’re waiting for that key hire to come in, and therefore you’re gonna free up your time, it ain’t gonna happen, you’re gonna hire that person, they’re gonna come in, you’ve got to train them onboard them, they’re gonna screw up, they’re gonna muck up, all these things are going to happen, or you’re or they’re going to be amazing.
Your business is going to grow and need you at a different level. And you’re still going to be waiting. Okay, gotcha needs me a different level, higher level of thinking, okay, great. Then once I get this other higher end, then I can go fishing or whatever it is, your story is, then I can go to my kids baseball games. No. It gets to be a paradigm shift for finding out how to find a passion for what you’re currently doing. And I will say for most men 75% that I’ve coached personally, it’s been better for them to choose to pivot versus finding their passion within what they’re doing.
Now, that’s also there’s a lead, there’s a roadmap that right it’s not like, all of a sudden you’re like, I’m not happy. Therefore, I’m gonna change what I’m doing. I’m walking out of the office today and I’m going to start pole dancing because I’ve always wanted to pull. It doesn’t work that way. Not successfully. You want to come up with a strategic exit plan. However you can instead of going pole dancing, you can bring that excitement into your business. But it’s going to take some paradigm shifts…
Tim Matthews 15:07
Big time. Yeah.
Doug Holt 15:08
And to the question, part of that paradigm shift is surrounding yourself with other men who are pushing the envelope that we have in the Brotherhood and the inner circle and the one on one coaching we do. You’re surrounding yourself by men who share the same core values you do, but are also pushing themselves aren’t going to push you iron sharpens iron. And just in that will help you regain your mojo alone, let alone all the other processes we take guys through.
Tim Matthews 15:35
Yeah, I’m thinking actually, as you were talking about this, a lot of the guys and think about the Alpha Reset, right, and some of the guys that have been through that experience huge shifts in their business. And the shifts have also coincided with them taking way more time off than they’ve ever had before. Right? But it all started with that paradigm shift with them being in the reset and understanding what beliefs really are underpinning the idea that it had to be hard that it had to be a slog that it had to work those hours that it had to be that way, right?
Because they just that was the conversation they were in with the people in their circle and to your point as soon as they get into a different conversation with a different role models around them. Like you said iron sharpens iron. Yeah, it does. It says to open up perspectives and with a bit of a push, and some accountability. And with the work they do at the reset as well. I’m thinking about foster nurture, thinking about LJack thing about so many of the guys that then made a shift is that hey, Tim, this has to change. I’m better than this. I deserve more than this. I don’t have to operate this way, which then led to the strategic plan that you’re talking about.
In executing the strategic plan, this stock has been a nice guy really at work and people pleasing and doing everything for everybody else. They really started to identify okay, what can I only do realistically, what in my week can I only do from there they’re able to delegate or well eliminate ultimate or delegate, right? You’ve heard that before cut things out. Alongside this, like you were talking about the began to live a certain way inside out where they were filling their cup outside of work as well.
So that their identity didn’t only come from the significance they got in the office, right? They actually started to regain their interest and their hobbies outside of work, which then meant felt more full, which then meant that we’re able to take bigger risks at work, like letting go of some of those certain responsibilities and projects that were previously on there. Clear? Because really, they were just taking on things that other people could have done because they had the belief as well, hey, no one can do as good as me. Because they’re in that fear based mentality, right?
As a result in getting more freedom in the business, and feeling better and typically, this coincides with randomly new contracts coming in at a newer record contracts, record deals, you know, these guys, like I said, double tripled the revenue, talking about the profit a moment ago he had is the best quarter he’s ever had this past quarter on track for his well going to finances obviously, at the best quarter has ever had this quarter. Because he’s feeling so much better about what he’s doing.
Yeah, he’s got a little bit of golden handcuffs. But he’s also got a plan now, over the next 12 months of mastery. It used to be a pipe dream, then it went down to two years now it’s down to a year where it can be out of the sea that he’s in and actually in the seat he really wants to be in. And just that level of clarity alone, the excitement he had yesterday when we were talking and the lightness he was fired up. Right? And previously, to your point without that paradigm shift wouldn’t have happened.
Doug Holt 18:54
Yeah, I mean, that’s amazing again. That’s like kind of to me, that’s regaining, right? Regaining the passion through a shift. I think a lot of guys just don’t realize that’s, that’s possible. Because, you know, what happens is, when you’re stuck, right, and you’re stuck, and you feel like you don’t have it, it takes an outside perspective. And I remember talking, gosh, this was seven, eight years ago to my brother, who’s 10 years older than me, right? It’s got an MBA ran a fortune 200 company, Pacific Rim division, lived in China for 10 years, etc., etc., etc. I remember him telling me, well, yeah, I would never hire a business coach because I was coaching. I just got hired by a CEO of a very large financial institution to work with a person.
And I won’t say the person’s name, but it really is like, yeah, I don’t know if I can hire someone younger than me, you know, because I’ve got the years of experience and data tada, tada, tada. And I said, look, you know, the truth is, in my opinion, a great coach. All they do is ask the right questions. You have the answers inside of you, a crappy coach, a life coach or whatever they’re gonna tell you all this dogmatic stuff. A great coach allows you to find it within you. And that’s what you’re talking about with the Prophet, right? The Prophet has it with inside of him and you as a great coach Tim, we’re allowed to help him find it. Right?
That gold is within you. And so he was able to find that and bring it forward. So we talked about this idea of how to shift your thinking and regain your business Mojo, guys, there’s a lot of ways to do so step one, is to surround yourself by men who shared the same values can be women, too. But men share the same values. First of all, because you can’t really train values, and then look at different perspectives, right, that’s the key, you need to find a new perspective. There’s a great book as well, I advise thinking time, the book is by Keith Cunningham was a mentor of mine. The book is called The Road Less Stupid.
I love that title, The Road Less Stupid. That book is a great thing to help you set up your thinking time, right? That’s step two, surround yourself by great people. Step one, step two, set aside thinking time. Step three is to make a decision, right? Whether you want professional help or not, I recommend it, I seek it out for myself. So I do eat my own cooking, and I’m not selling my services, or Tim’s or anybody else’s. It’s not really something that we sell. It’s part of what we do for the men that are in the program. But it’s not our core offering by any means. But get some insights. Do I stay in this job? Does it meet my needs still, right?
And if you’ve been in a job or a business you’ve owned for more than 10 years, well, your needs have changed, I can almost guarantee it. So check in does it still meet my needs? If the answer is no, that’s okay. Things have changed. You can’t hold yourself accountable for decisions made 10 years ago. It’s ridiculous. Right? And if it does, it still meets all your needs except for the passion part. Well, then you get to decide whether you want to regain that passion or not? Or do you want to move forward? Same thing in relationships, by the way, right?
When I look back at old relationships that I’ve had with people, I get to decide do I want to invest in those old relationships still? Do they still serve me? Or is that friend, someone who I still love is it up? You know, remember, when friend as I call them, remember when we did this thing 10 years ago? Remember, we did that thing? You’re not creating new memories or new bonds. Those are the things you get to look at as you start to shift. And you start to shift where how do you want to regain that Mojo and that passion.
But I can tell you, if your relationships not working or your health is not good, it’s really difficult to regain that passion because you have those things chirping in your ears, all the time taking your attention. Now, what I would propose is you leverage your business, to help you regain your marriage help you regain your health and regain your passion, right, because you want to use your business as a business owner. That’s our tool, right? That’s our tool to allow us to do these things to allow us to take time off to allow us to travel to allow us to do lifestyle we want to.
The funniest thing is, you know, people start a business for freedom. If you’re listening to this, and you’re a business owner, you know, that’s farthest from the truth of what really happens. Right? Farthest. However, you get to a point where you get to design your business design around your lifestyle, have your business fit your lifestyle. We have men that run, you know, manufacturing plants, they run. We have people who are dentists, we have people who are doctors, we have people who are construct construction companies, lawyers, you know, doctors all over the board.
And one thing that the guys that are happy is or in common is they eventually, even at a later stage of life, 50s, 60s, whatever, start to make sure that their business revolves around their dream lifestyle. And usually, when that happens, you actually make more money. Not always, some guys make a little bit less, but they have tons of freedom. That’s worth it to him. Because you know, when you leave this earth, however you leave it, you don’t get to take anything with you. Right? You don’t get to take that new car, you don’t get to take that lake house. When you’re sitting in that rocking chair on the lake house, do you want your wife next to you smiling? Or do you want to be alone?
You get to take action, you get to regroup grain your mojo to in your business. And I can tell you is a man who does what he loves. And it’s not always with the powerful man movement requires a ton of work from me ton of computer time and work and all these things like getting in front of this microphone and talking to you guys. It’s not always fun. But most of the time it is. And I can tell you that when I leave this and hang up this microphone and turn off this computer. I get to go upstairs to my family. And I’ll be filled. I’m filled because I’m imagining a couple of you guys there’s a few guys in my mind right now. I love these guys, these guys that have been through our program.
And I want to see them succeed. I want to see them win if I think that one thing I change could help them move in the right direction we’ll shoot that makes my day. It really does. It sounds cliché, but it’s is amazing. It’s amazing. And that feeling I get to take to my family. And we have a great time because of that. And yeah, it’d be nice to make a lot more money and do all these other things.
But I can tell you as someone who’s made a lot of money and hasn’t been happy, you just spend the money. You just spend the money trying beat yourself happy. When you find that Mojo, you find that passion, it really at both bottom on here and the Mojo and passion. That’s the ideal. I’ll tell you what, man Mojo passion, beats money, every person. So Gemma, as we always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. We’ll see you next time!
