Episode #348
What are you willing to sacrifice to save the most important things in your life? What are you going to do to save your business and your relationship?
Most of the time when things get tough in your marriage, things get tough in your business, too.
You’re living in a cycle – trying the same thing over and over again. But if you continue to do what you have always done, it’s just not going to work. You get to change, to take radical action. Just get moving. Take massive steps. It’s scary, it’s hard, and there are no guarantees. But it’s the only way to move forward.
In this episode, we are going to talk about what to do when your business and relationship need saving, how to avoid becoming deactivated, and how to reclaim leadership in your life.
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Episode Transcript
Ryan Peach 0:00
I’m not having a great relationship with my wife. So what does it matter? I’m trying to provide a life for us. It’s not working. I’m getting ready to lose my kids. I don’t give a crap about the volume business. So for these guys, if that’s you, then you get to ask different questions. If my marriage is that missing piece to everything, if it is happiness, joy, and fulfillment, what are you willing to sacrifice to save that thing you believe is the most important thing to say?
Doug Holt 0:28
Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man show. I am your host, Doug Holt, with my co-hosts, none other than Ryan, peach. How are you doing, brother?
Ryan Peach 0:42
Man, I’m so good. How are you?
Doug Holt 0:44
Good. Well, this almost didn’t happen. Ryan, because you were on a call with the gentleman. What Ryan does for the movement. For those that don’t know, Ryan is, first and foremost, a graduate of The Activation Method, The Alpha Reset, and The Brotherhood. He’s come on as an advisor to help the men interested in going into The Activation Method and just answer questions and make sure it’s a good fit for us and a good fit for them.
Ryan Peach 1:10
Yeah, it’s awesome. It’s such a cool journey to be on with these guys where I’m literally in their shoes, and so like, they’re just talking, I’m like, yep, I get it. Yep, I get it. Yep, I get it, and just now being on the other side of it, and when I get to hear from these guys, seven, eight weeks later, it’s just man, it fuels my engines.
Doug Holt 1:33
It’s awesome. Well, the reason this podcast almost didn’t happen is that you were on a call, and it ran a little bit over, going through. So I’m glad we had the opportunity to do so. What was going on with that guy? Don’t give up his name, or it’s particularly so we don’t identify him. But I think it’s helpful for some of the other guys listening to this to hear what other men are going through.
Ryan Peach 1:53
Yeah, so for him, honestly, I hear this quite a lot. His situation was business owner, but like, a lot of guys came through COVID, and it’s been tough, right trying to have many guys now working 10 hours a day. Now I’ve been working 15 just to keep the doors open, right and I’ve gone through all this, and his wife started talking to other men; she was getting on dating sites, and she was looking at other options, which sucks, and he, his biggest concern was, listen, I’m not like one of those business owners that I’m pulling in 100k a month I’m not, I don’t just have piles of money laying around to try to work on this, and I understand all of that and what was cool for him was for him to see what it would cost him if he didn’t decide to invest in himself and his marriage to solve this.
Doug Holt 2:57
Yeah, and that’s what a lot of guys, I mean, I know for myself, Ryan, when I was going through it with my wife, I was in a similar situation, right and when things got tough in your marriage, they seem to go tough in your business at the same time. Right? It’s very rare, and it does happen. It’s very rare that all of a sudden, your business takes off for a long duration of time, and things are going bad at home; they seem to go hand in hand, and I remember when I was first looking at solving my situation, that powerful man didn’t exist, and I was looking at coaches and mentors or anybody that could help me get out of it and what I realized is I didn’t have the funds, right? I wasn’t making enough money for employees, and that’s when a business mentor of mine, so when totally outside of this kind of got wind of what was going on and said, Doug, look, your bank account hasn’t changed. When you make more money, you spend more money when you make less money. So you can afford to do whatever you want to your entrepreneur; you just need to get creative.
Ryan Peach 3:56
Yeah, exactly, and that’s, I mean, one of the best parts of working with entrepreneurs is their creativity. Right? And so that’s where we got into with this guy, which I’ve done with many other guys, right is like, cool, stop telling me what you don’t have. Tell me what you do have, right? What do you have access to? And these guys better, you can tap into lines of credit. Guys have sold trucks, cars, houses, all of that because, and guys only if this speaks to you, if it doesn’t, that’s fine. But for a lot of the guys, this is everything. This is the missing piece from happiness to fulfillment. They’re like, listen, yeah, I’m making money in my business. I don’t care about it. I don’t work as hard because I’m not having a great relationship with my wife. So what does it matter? I’m trying to provide a life for us, and it’s not working. Right? I’m getting ready to lose my kids. Like I don’t give a crap volume business, so for these guys, like when you if that’s you, you get to ask different questions. Right? If my marriage is that missing piece to everything if it is happiness and joy and fulfillment, what are you willing to sacrifice? What are you willing to get creative on to save that thing you believe is the most important thing to save?
Doug Holt 5:23
Yeah, I think what’s interesting about Ryan is a couple of things. I know we had this conversation when we did the alpha reboot, which was training we did for the guys that are in The Brotherhood. We opened the doors up originally to alumni for one day. Still, the guys in The Brotherhood are successful businessmen, and from the outside, these guys are all multimillionaires. But what happened was it happens a lot within The Brotherhood, especially but men kind of take off the kimono and reveal everything, and some of the guys hadn’t been paid in 12 months, and they just didn’t have the income. But they were talking to a specific guy who was having this issue, so they started to share, which is so awesome about The Brotherhood, right? So this guy got clarity. But what a couple of the guys said, Look, I couldn’t afford the program. But I also realized I really couldn’t afford to do it, and my divorce, my wife would have taken half, and I would have been destitute, right, and miserable. But I had to find a way to do this, and many guys run it through their business. Now, I know that’s what I did because it was tax-advantaged for me, and again, I’m not a tax guy at all. But my accountant, let me run it through his professional development. I know, in the UK, many guys are doing it that way in the United States.
Ryan Peach 6:44
Yeah, and in talking to these guys like they look at this from where they are, right? Well, right. My wife isn’t talking to me right now, my wife, anytime I try to do anything, my wife tells me It’s never good enough. I don’t know if this is going to work. So how can you expect me to invest money into something that I know might not work? Because I worked for so long? And my question to them is always like, cool. So did that your business was going to be successful when you started it? No. You didn’t know that. Why did you start it? Yeah, well, because I thought it was the right thing to do. Oh, cool. So do you think that this is the right thing to do?
Doug Holt 7:28
Yeah, that’s a good point.
Ryan Peach 7:30
Right? And so I’m like, why are you approaching this any other way than you do every other area of your life, and so again, I get the situations that guys tend to find themselves in. It’s awful, and it’s not been a month or two. It’s been a year or two or more of this, and I understand that. But you’ve been living in a cycle of trying the same thing over and over and over again and expecting a different result, which we all know is insanity, and so I get that it’s scary, I get that it’s hard, and I get that it may not work. But if you continue to do what you’ve always done, it’s not going to work and so change, and you get to take radical action, whether it’s this program or doing something else, stop trying to understand and have 100% certainty around what you’re doing. Because you’ve never had anything that big in your life, you’ve never been 100% certain of it, you just felt it was right, and then you jumped and figured it out on the way down.
Doug Holt 8:32
Yeah, and I think that’s important to think, guys, you need to understand that at The Powerful Man, like we don’t accept everybody with zoning spots for nine guys per group and so we just recommend you do something, you don’t have to do this program to do something for your marriage to go through and save that, or whatever you’re going through its business, you got to do business coaching, etc. But you can’t get out of your way, and I understand, Ryan, there are two biggest triggers, right for any of us, right? Its relationships and finances are the biggest triggers that men have, and so when your relationship is triggered, it’s not working. It’s destitute when your wife is talking to other men. This guy at least knew that a lot of guys found out way later that their wives were either talking or visiting other guys that they had no idea, so you find that going on, it’s easy to get in scarcity mode, and to freak out and go protecting. Hiding assets and guys do all kinds of things to move money around to protect themselves. But the truth of the matter is just like anything in life, and you have to push forward, right? You have to go aggressively in a forward direction towards your goals in your dreams. Otherwise, you’re going to be caught stagnated and kind of in that the worst place to be in business, right is that holding pattern of not knowing what to do or making a decision? It’s the same thing, your relationship.
Ryan Peach 9:55
It’s the same thing. That’s exactly right. When you stop trying new things, that is the definition of failure for businesses, for Relationships for Life growth, health, growth, all of that, right? Think about it like going to the gym, right? I want to get healthy, I want to, I want to lose that 50 pounds, and you go to the gym the first three weeks, and you lose 10 pounds right on the track, and then everybody hits that plateau where your body adjusts. Right? And now, instead of over the next three weeks, losing ten more pounds, you maybe lose two. Right? So now you’re down 12 pounds, but you, you stop, right? Well, now it’s not working, and so then we go back home, and we’re like, man, I wish I could lose that weight. Man, I just, I would love to lose that weight, and then you sit there, you don’t do anything, you don’t make any changes, and what do you do? You put on 15 pounds, 20 pounds, and you’re like, I have no idea how I got here. It’s bull, exactly how you got here. You stopped trying to pursue your health, and then this, when you plow into your business, and stop focusing on your wife and just hope that things will change. You’re just sitting in that place of no man’s land where you’re waiting for her to decide whether she’s just going to change and be that wife that you want her to be? Or if she’s going to tell you that she’s done.
Doug Holt 11:19
Well, I can tell you, it’s not going to be the first one, never once has it happened in the 1000s of men we talked to as their wife miracle miraculously, just changed.
Ryan Peach 11:31
That’s exactly right, and so that’s what we don’t want for these guys is to live in this place of hope. But not taking any action, you’re going to be disappointed, and you’re a whole lot closer to a solution than you think. You just got to get moving, and that is always the hardest part. But when you start to move, you can begin to get traction, and when you start to see things turn around, then you commit, then you lose the 10 pounds, and then you’re pumped about the two pounds, and then you’re pumped about the three pounds. But you just gotta keep moving.
Doug Holt 12:10
Yeah, so guys, listen to that. Listen, we’re talking about here; we didn’t have a plan coming into this. Because we didn’t know Ryan was going to build a jump on. Still, we’re talking about what you see in your home: your wife has taken over the leadership role in the house, right with the kids, probably with the house things; she’s taken over that leadership role. You become deactivated, what we call it, you’ve become the nice guy you’re trying to please her, and it’s not working. So what you need to do is have a new directive, and part of that is taking massive action and decisions; that’s where the leader does. Now again, you do not have to do The Activation Method. But obviously, we think it’s the best because of the Triad connection and everything else. But the reason this works, guys, is you when you take action, whether it be The Activation Method, another course, or what have you, you’re then reclaiming the leadership role within your own life and the leader, you’re showcasing the leadership role within your relationship. Hey, sorry to interrupt the show. But I wanted to ask you a question. Do you ever feel like something’s just missing, like there’s something more out there, and you just can’t put your finger on it. I get it. Go over right now to ThePowerfulMan.com/Bonus to discover the system that other businessmen just like you are using. We’ve included 10 case studies, ten men just like you who have found the solution and found their way on their path.
But we want to share that with you; go over to ThePowerfulMan.com/Bonus right away. Now let’s get back to the show. So this is where it gets interesting depending on your classical values, right? You, as the man, the masculine energy within the home, this is how your wife envisioned it when you got married, right? This is typical, right? This is just natural and innate, if she wanted you to take charge. She wanted you to take that leadership role. She wants to see your stock in the relationship going up, not stagnating, not going down, and not waiting for her to decide for you. That’s not a leader. A leader doesn’t sit around and wait for someone to decide for them. A leader steps in the midst of fear right, and I get it scary. I was scared. It took me a while to step up. Right? But that’s courage. You do it anyway. Right? And you can look at how this works. The reason we do this for business owners only is that the system was designed for business owners. We have hundreds of testimonials. Ryan Peach right here is one of the testimonials of somebody who did it so much that you left your profession here just to advise other guys because it changed your life. So, guys, you want to do this because you don’t want to get stuck in that no man’s land of being stagnant and not knowing what to do and go. Your divorce attorney is going to another session of therapy, which is just going to cause you to look at the past and when you’re driving forward. Would it be in business or relationships, or health? And you’re looking in the rearview mirror, you’re just going to crash and hit the tree, and it’s not going to work?
Ryan Peach 15:15
That’s right. That’s so good. Because you’re exactly what these I get, you’re stagnant for many of these guys because all you are looking at in the past, right? I tried this, I read this book, we read the five love languages. We did this, I bought her this, I took her on vacation. I’ve done all of these things, and none of it has worked, and that’s all true, and it’s because that’s not what works. Right and so, again, when you’re doing the wrong things, even if you do them a lot, you’re still doing them wrong and so just understanding guys that again, when I came into The Activation Method, it was like the first three weeks, I was like, What the hell are these guys talking about? Like, I didn’t offer Rise and shine and an alpha decompression? Why does that matter? Right and in doing those things, and Shadow stick man and all of that, I began to see changes in my wife, without me trying to change my wife because there’s so much complexity here.
Just like when you start your own business, you think how it’s going to go, and then you’re like, Oh, this is actually how it goes, and you learn as you go. It’s the same thing here, and the difference in starting your business on your own and grueling through is here; you’ve got guys there a little bit further ahead of you that are turning around and saying, No, dude, keep coming. You’re doing you’re good, and that’s what fuels that traction. You’re no longer alone. Add a guy last week on the toast to continue with us for another 12 months, which is exciting. He said, Ryan, it’s like standing at the edge of the cliff, and it’s like, you’ve got this bridge, that’s just, that’s getting smaller, and it’s getting smaller. You’re going to fall off, it’s like, it’s inevitable, can’t go backward, you’re stuck, it’s going to fall, and he’s like, and you have two choices, you can either stand there stagnant. You can just let it go away, let the bridge fall away, and then you fall, and then maybe you’re lucky one of those like 1% that hits the ground and survives. Or you can choose to pick up the parachute, put it on and jump off the cliff, and he’s like, and what’s great about jumping off with you guys, is when I jump off, 100 guys around me are already in the air. So if I have trouble getting my chute open, I can’t get the cord. All those guys rally around me, and they’re like, Don’t worry, dude, we got you. That’s the difference.
Doug Holt 17:56
Well, I got chills, man. It’s such a cool analogy. As Ryan, I left a well-paying career to do this because this is legacy work for me, just helping guys like you guys like me guys like that are listening to this right now, and it is that rallying cry that goes through there. The guys help each other in relationships, fatherhood, Business Health. We have a health challenge going on, which we’ve talked about. So a great video was posted up there today, and it is just solid guys that pass what we call the beer test. Right? These are real business owners out there, and they’re the kind of guys that you would go get a beer with. They’re really good, guys. I love that parachute analogy. Because look, it’s scary. Because you don’t know if the marriage is going to get saved. There’s a variable in there that’s a wild card; it’s called your wife, and you don’t know what you can do. But what you do know is that if you invest in yourself, you better yourself as a man. If your wife stays, what happens more often than not, your wife stays now, and you’re going to have a solid friggin marriage that you’ve always wanted. If she leaves, you’re a better man, and the next woman who comes along, right, is going to be going, oh my gosh, this is a guy that I’ve just read about and dreamed about because of your skill sets.
Ryan Peach 19:14
That’s right, and your kids get to see that, right? These kids get to see it. It’s everything, right? Like, you get to pass on the legacy of being that Father, that you’ve always wanted to be for those kids and your daughter, even though your marriage may not work, she’s able to see like, that’s the kind of guy that I want to marry. So you change the trajectory of her life or your son’s life because he’s going to emulate what you do. So it’s, it’s its legacy. Everything you do within this program is legacy work.
Doug Holt 19:51
It is the man, and people sometimes ask, like how was the movement we call The Powerful Man the movement, all our courses, alumni How’s it growing so fast? Like, how are you guys? It’s just we get results. That’s all there is to it; they got the results to speak for themselves. I mean, if you look at any of the testimonials like you weren’t the type of guy that jumps on camera and shares his life story or just like, but guys do it because that they’re like, hey, I want the former me the old me to see this today Get started earlier, right? Hey, this is your one destination, two paths we could talk about. I’m going a little sidetrack here. But you can take one path, which is the ground out, hustle it out, hope it works, and there’s another path that is smooth and easy, and that smooth and easy path is where many successful men end up, right? That’s why they’ve got successful and what we talk about in The Powerful Man is on the smooth and easy path. There’s constantly men reaching the arm across to offer guidance and say, hey, look, it’s better over here. All of us have encountered these guys who could be in business, a mentor we ran into gives us advice or whoever it may be. But in The Powerful Man, these are men going, Hey, look, I want to do a testimonial video and just share my experience to that, and that’s a guy reaching a hand across and say, hey, it’s better over here,
Ryan Peach 21:13
That’s right, and you only get that when you get the result. Right, and that’s what I love about these guys, and that’s what I love about that’s why I left everything that I did to come to do this because being able to meet a guy who is just like the guy I just talk to who’s broken in, like, I see no way that this can ever be saved to eight weeks later. Wow.
Doug Holt 21:39
Yeah.
Ryan Peach 21:41
How did I get here? And I’m like, and it’s only been eight weeks. What do you think might be possible in the next 12 months? In the next 24 months? Like, Don’t get it twisted? You just began?
Doug Holt 21:53
Yeah.
Ryan Peach 21:54
That’s the man. That’s like I said that is oxygen that gets my blood going? For sure.
Doug Holt 22:01
Yeah, it’s amazing. Well, Ryan, thank you so much, man, for all the work you do. On behalf of the guys that are out there. It’s just absolutely amazing. You go to bat for Guys, guys. Just so Ryan Ryan takes calls from guys on the weekends at night. He doesn’t have to, and it’s just his choice, and his family supports them, which is amazing. So thank you, beautiful wife, in your kids, for us. Guys, look if you’re listening to this, and any of this resonates with what Ryan’s talking about. Ryan is one of our advisors. You can jump on a call with somebody, just chit-chat with them. See if it’s the right fit. We’re also quite honestly interviewing you to see if it’s the right fit because this isn’t for everybody. Our programs get results. But you need to put in the work. We can’t do the push-ups for you. As we often say, you have to do the actual work. We just guide you through it to make it easy, but jump on a call with Ryan and reach out to him. He’s active in the Facebook community as well, as well as on LinkedIn. So many people reach out to him and both of those places, and just Ryan, you’re a solid guy; you pass the beer test every time I talk to you. So I look forward to it. I look forward to seeing you soon, man.
Ryan Peach 23:08
Well, if I give these guys a challenge,
Doug Holt 23:10
Yeah, absolutely.
Ryan Peach 23:12
Awesome. So guys, here’s what I want you to do, and then you get bonus points for doing the second part. Okay? The first part is I want you to get your phone out. Because I’m guessing you’re probably listening to this on your phone. So don’t lie to me and tell me you don’t have it if I want to get out, open up your camera, and I want you to shoot a video of yourself. Right, and suppose you agree with anything that we’ve said in here that you get to make changes. In that case, I want you to do a video to yourself, telling yourself that I am committed today to do something different to get a different result in my marriage. That’s it. Okay, that’s what I want you to do now bonus points, go to the Facebook page, post that on our powerful man page and tag me in it. Because if you do, I’ll see it and we can start talking, which would be great. But save it for yourself. Because what’s going to happen if you’re anything like me a month from now, two months from now, you’re going to forget you did that. You’re going to be scrolling through your photos, and you’re going to find that video, and it’ll be a really big gut-check time for you because you’ll be able to see Did I make the changes or did I not win? What are the results, and if you have, what are the results?
Doug Holt 24:21
I love it, and man, guys, step up to this challenge, right the first one is easy. You just film it you don’t have to share it with anybody there’s no risk what have you and what I would say even as you can set a timer, all you guys have project management right of some sort set something whatever project management to go back and look at the video I love the bonus points yeah put it in the Facebook group not the page but the group because that’s a private group so no one else except for guys like you will be able to ever see it and tag Mr. Ryan peach in there. What a fantastic challenge, guys. I challenge you to step up to this, so that’d be fantastic. Ryan, like I said, Man, As Always, I’d love talking to you. We’ll get you back here again on The Powerful Man show.
Ryan Peach 25:04
Awesome, see you soon.
Doug Holt 25:06
Have a great week, guys, and as always, take some massive action. Step up to what Ryan’s challenging to do. Don’t just talk about it, don’t just think about it and say you’re going to do something. Take action. These small action steps build on each other, and that’s where discipline and leadership come in. So guys, make it an amazing week. We’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man show.
