Episode #885
Struggling to lead in your marriage? Feel like no matter what you do, your wife’s still unhappy or overspending? You’re not alone. It’s time to rethink your approach.
In this episode, Doug Holt and Christopher Hansen dive into masculine leadership in relationships. Learn why setting boundaries and taking ownership is key to reigniting intimacy, restoring balance, and building a healthier, more passionate marriage. Your wife’s waiting for you to step up—here’s how you can lead with confidence and provide the emotional safety she’s craving.
We cover:
- What’s really behind your wife’s overspending.
- How boundaries can strengthen your marriage.
- Why emotional safety beats physical security.
- Practical tools to start leading today.
Don’t let the problems pile up. Time to lead your marriage.
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Transcription
Christopher 0:00
Take it back to polarity and energy, right? I mean, the masculine energy is the container. And if that container has cracks in it, and that feminine energy doesn’t feel protected, it’s gonna, it’s gonna recoil and shut down. And the more that that happens, the the more that it ingrains to her that you’re not safe. Yeah, it’s not just about having the tools. It’s about consistently using them, and, yeah, creating that firm, masculine container that, and her role in that is to stretch you to expand. And that’s where that growth in that marriage really comes from,
Doug Holt 0:34
100% TA,
Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the TPM show, and today, guys, we have a very special guest. We have Christopher here. Christopher, as I call him, Chris, joined the TPM Team A couple years ago, and he’s an advisor. So he is one of the gentlemen that you would get on a phone call with if you’re interested in finding out more information about our TPM programs, The Activation Method, the Alpha Reset, or something else that we own. Luckily for us, Chris recently moved with his family near the TPM ranch where we are today. We have 106 acre ranch here out in Central Oregon where we host our live events, and Chris has relocated his family out here, so we get to spend a little more time with him. To the benefit is, you guys will get to hear from him more. And today, I was talking to Chris, and he had a really interesting conversation point, and I said, Hey, look, let’s just film a quick show here, because I think the guys will get a lot of benefit. Chris, thanks for being here.
Christopher 1:39
Thank you for having me Doug, this place is beautiful. Every time I get to set foot on The Ranch, it’s a blessing. And yeah, I appreciate you inviting me out
Doug Holt 1:48
absolutely and coming on to this show at such short notice, because I think you have a really unique perspective. You are kind of the front line to saving the lives and the families of so many men that inquire about our program. So if a guy says, hey, look, I have a couple questions, is this the right fit for me, they have the opportunity of hopping on a short phone call or sending an email or something, and you’re one of the men that might respond and be able to guide them through. Sure, yeah,
Christopher 2:17
absolutely. And, and really that’s, what my position is about. Right is we want to make sure that we are the right fit for the guys that I talk to. So it really is an opportunity for them to connect with us immediately and just have a conversation. Let them get to know us a little bit. We get to know them a little bit, and then we can determine, really, at the end of the day, the best way that we can help them. Yeah,
Doug Holt 2:43
I love it. I love it. You said two things to me today. We were talking about the flow of when a man comes into the program. One of the things you mentioned is, hey, at the end of the day, my job is to give value like that’s it. Listen to the guys and they leave the conversation with value, whether we decide it’s a good fit mutually or not, either way, given the resources or things that they can at least step in the right direction to living their best life. Yeah,
Christopher 3:09
that’s exactly right. I mean, the biggest thing for me is the more men that I can have a conversation with, the more men I can help, right? And TPM does such a great job of meeting men in a number of different ways, number of different places. So the amount of resources that we have makes it really easy. If somebody hops on has a conversation with me, yeah, the biggest thing from my perspective, is, how can I get this person to take the next right step for them, whether it’s a podcast episode, whether it’s a piece of material or a training or having a deeper conversation around, you know, one of our programs, whatever it may be, yeah,
Doug Holt 3:49
I love it. And you had an interesting perspective. Earlier you were talking, and I was asking you a question. I’m like, you know, when you get on a phone call with guys, and we’re men, we’re both married with kids, and we know all the stresses that come into your life, right? You have so many different things are coming through seasons of life. And I mean, you just move locations with your entire family. For myself, my kids are going through a different transition as they get to different schools and ages. And as a guy, right, when we have a problem, we very rarely reach out for help, and when we do, oftentimes, we bring with us a bag of stories, and those stories contain excuses of why we’ve gotten where we are and why we can’t move forward. And you were telling me about one excuse. I’ll just use the word excuse that someone used recently. Mind sharing.
Christopher 4:40
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You know, I had a conversation with somebody yesterday, and they brought up that the biggest issue that they’re facing right now in the relationship is that, you know, their wife is always nagging about money and that she is spending well outside of. Their means and just kind of frivolously, right? Not, not really taking into consider the into consideration the bigger picture, yep, of their financial situation. Yeah. I mean, I’m curious your thoughts on a situation like that.
Doug Holt 5:13
First of all, it’s super it’s very common. I hear this all the time, and what tends to happen is the men then use the excuse that they can invest in themselves, whether it be going on a trip for a guy’s trip, buying getting the gym membership so they can get back in their in a healthy lifestyle, joining a program like The Activation Method or whatever it is. Why does this happen? Right? So why does the wife seemingly not all of a sudden. But what seems to happen, Chris, in my experience talking to men, is that their partner or their wife starts to gradually spend more and more. And does it in waves. I hear that all the time, like, okay, she’s calmed down. We got, you know, the spending under control, and then all of a sudden, it ramps up again. And I was talking to a guy, gosh, two days ago, and he was saying the same thing, and so much so that he he’s usually takes his wife’s credit cards away, then gives him back, takes him away, gives him back, because of this wave, like, you know, situation that’s happening. And I’ve talked to my wife about it, who coaches women as you know, and getting her perspective from a female perspective, and they align. And basically, what I’ve determined over this past decade of working with with men in particular, and women early on, is when the relationship’s not going well, right, the marriage isn’t working. People seek some form of sedation to fill themselves up. So men, classically, will turn to alcohol, sports, watching sports on TV, porn, gambling. I just talking to a guy the other day. He fell into that trap, drugs. Women, though, women tend now, everybody’s different, but shopping tends to be shopping therapy. We even make a cultural joke about it. You know, women tend to fall into that frame more than others. Now, not to say that men don’t do shopping therapy. I’ve been guilty of going on to Amazon and buying stuff that I just don’t need. I think we all have, at some point, bought stuff and then looking retrospectively at it, but women tend to get into this area where their relationship isn’t working, they spend the money to fill a void. And whenever you’re filling a void with external means, buying the lake house to keep people happy, keeping up the Joneses, if you will, buying the new car that is awesome for the first few months to then it’s just a car you are limiting your ability to source your happiness, source your fulfillment internally, because all the external things can be taken away, and they’re
Christopher 7:50
temporary. Yeah, when I think that was the thing that this man I was talking to was really bumping up against, because he found himself in a situation where he was the money that was coming in wasn’t coming in in the same way, right? So he’s now, he now has this financial obligation, essentially to this is what he’s using to satiate his wife and keep his wife happy. And now he can’t do that. So then the cracks start to show. Yeah, right? And, you know, I always talk to, I always try to reframe those moments as opportunities, right? Because now you’re getting to actually get eyes on this. And now there is an opportunity for you to see some of the things in the relationship for what they are, yeah, and just take a different type of action, or, yeah. I mean, just pull a different lever in life to be able to just navigate differently. Yeah,
Doug Holt 8:49
I think you see some really important is, you know, he’s using this to keep his wife happy, but now that he can’t maintain that lifestyle, he’s starting to see the cracks, and statistically, men see them much later than the women do. That’s why, if you look at the statistics out there, 70% of divorces are initiated by the woman. That goes up to 90% if the woman’s got a college degree or higher, right? 90% that’s freaking amazing. And we saw a lot of this in 2020 during the covid times, people started being forced to be together, and the crack started showing. Economic stress, the cracks started showing. And money tends to be one of the biggest dividers in relationships, because money often represents success for the men and security for the women. And so if you start messing with success, you’re messing now with a man’s significance in the world, his identity, if you will, and if you mess with security for the woman on the flip side now, she feels uneasy, she’s scared. She doesn’t feel safe. Yeah,
Christopher 9:52
absolutely. And again, just to you know, to be able to reframe those as opportunities. Days, right? You can take a situation like this one that this man was going through, and it’s it’s either going to create a further divide in the marriage, which was really where he was at. Intimacy was pretty much down to nothing. His self worth was starting to dwindle, and he was just finding himself in a place where, you know, he was, was starting to panic a little bit just that simple reframe for him to be able to recognize that, Hey, there, there are actual tools that you can implement in a situation like this, and you can utilize those tools to actually bring yourself closer to your wife, right, proper communication, really being able to just, yeah, just navigate that situation. And I think that, I mean, I’m sure you have some perspective on, you know how to actually navigate that, and maybe how to even initiate a conversation around that that’s a little bit more productive than just hiding out from it.
Doug Holt 11:03
I think that’s a good point. Is hiding out. And I got a call with a group of guys today this morning, and one of the guys was talking about how he’s showing up more assertively in his marriage, not an aggressive way, but an assertive way, because he’s standing up for himself in a place of leadership. So, you know. And he used the example of, he told his wife, hey, Thursday night, we’re doing date night. I’m taking you out. And she’s like, Oh, we got so much going on. And he said, Oh, normally I would just back down and go, Okay, you know, be the nice guy, which sounds like this gentleman’s doing, certainly, what I used to do early on. And what he did instead was he said, No, no, we can take care of those things. You and I need to go out for date night. And his wife just kind of melted into him a little bit. And he realized, ah, she doesn’t want the nice guy, right? And I say nice guy, it’s we’re using Dr Glover’s terminology from his book, no more, Mr. Nice guy. It doesn’t mean you’re not a nice person. You know, you treat people well, but you’re a great man, and sometimes that has to do with leading. So for this gentleman, you know, one thing he can do is just sit his wife down lovingly and say, babe, I love the fact that we’ve been able to afford this lifestyle live the lifestyle we’ve been but right now, circumstances are such that we can’t maintain this financially. And what I’d really like us to do is invest in our relationship, you know, because at the end of the day, if we can invest in, you know, us coming together, having more passion, having more connection, which is what women want, they want both of those things, then we can live a more fulfilled life. And I think he’d find a much better response if he comes at that very lovingly but also firmly right at the end of the day, he as the leader of his house, as a partner in this relationship, needs to lay some ground rules like you wouldn’t let your kids just do what they want, whenever they want, because you love them, and you know it’s not going to work out if your son, your daughter, or anybody else, decides, hey, I’m going to ride I’m going to surf on top of the car while it’s going down the road. You just can’t do that. You need to lay down the rules when you know it’s the safest and best thing for your family’s future. Yeah,
Christopher 13:18
absolutely. And, you know, providing that level of safety. I mean, almost universally, what I have seen with the men that I talked to, once they start to implement some of these tools, is that their wives have been waiting, yes for that, for some some guys, you know, 20 years more, and the reception that they get back is they’re typically pretty surprised, because I have found that in my own relationship, that my wife has been just patiently waiting for me to show up in that way. And you know, she’s going to test it, right? She’s, she’s going to push back. There’s, you know, it’s her, her role. So you can kind of sharpen your knife and learn almost universally that, I find that, yeah, our partners are just women are patient. You know, women have a level of patience to be able to sit back and watch and they’re they’re smart until
Doug Holt 14:19
they’re not, until they’re not 90% of divorces, nobody goes. So I want to come back to one of the things you said, but I’m gonna first. I was talking to the gentleman that that works here on the ranch to help maintain it so we can do these events for men. And I said, Look, man, I’ve been doing this for a long time, working with guys and that, you know, and this gentleman’s looking to take the next step in his relationship to get married. And I said, Look, I’ll tell you, not one of the guys that I know that’s been divorced went into their marriage thinking, yeah, maybe I’ll get divorced. Maybe this won’t work out. Everybody go in my experience. Are a couple guys out there, right, but I’m gonna go with 98% my made up stat here that they go in going, yep, this one’s going to be different. We’re going to be different. And we go in this optimistic eye as we should. But if you look at the statistics, it’s 50% end in divorce. And of those 50, 90% an issue by the woman, you’re 100% correct. Women are extremely patient. And what I find is men that go through The Activation Method, which is our flagship program for for men, for relationships, is they find like the thing they’ll commonly say is, Oh crap. My wife has been telling me this, and I’ve so. I asked this guy this morning. I said, hey, when you’re taking this leadership role, and mind you, this is a, I don’t want to give this guy away, but he’s ex military. He’s a man’s man. Like, I asked about how to feel. He’s like, Well, you know, I was a little nervous, a little scared, if you will. You know, taking this more dominant masculine role, because I’ve been a nice guy, you know, so long that I’ve just would do what my wife would say. And as we were talking, I asked him, Okay, does it feel easy? Does it feel light? He’s like, Oh, it felt great afterwards. And he said, my wife’s been asking for this for a long time. Bingo. She’s been asking you to take the lead, and when we as men don’t take the lead. So this guy you were talking to as an example, if he doesn’t take the lead in his family, claw back for his wife, and put some boundaries in there, around her spending, so that they can invest elsewhere or do whatever they want as a partnership, then she has to take on the masculine role. So it’s the law of polarity. Somebody has to be the masculine. Someone has to be the feminine or the beta, whichever it is, you can have two guys, but in that way, and most women, certainly the women our guys marry, are naturally feminine women. Now everybody swips in. Guys can slip into their femininity. They’re dancing, having a good time, but their predominant energy is either going to be masculine or feminine. And for the wives, it’s gonna be feminine. For my wife, your wife, that’s where they want to be. That’s their sweet spot. If you or I fall out of that for whatever reason, they feel the need naturally to take on that masculine role, and then they’re gonna resent us for it, right? And so for this guy, his wife, I can guarantee you, is spending all his money while she’s resenting him for it, yeah, and he’s she’s going to get him back by spending more or probably having an affair, yeah,
Christopher 17:31
for sure. And, you know, the the man that I talked to was a sweet guy. You know, he wanted to solve this problem like he, he genuinely was, was trying to figure this out. And it can be tough when, you know, as men, we’re not really taught these things when we’re young, right? So you know you’re right. You step into marriage, you think, Hey, this is this is going to be great. I love this person in life. It’s just going to be fantastic going forward. And marriage is a different thing when you step into marriage. Hey
Doug Holt 18:04
guys, I wanted to interrupt this episode because it’s dawned on me that many of you guys aren’t aware that we actually have a book on how to save your marriage without talking about it. Now 1000s of men have read it, and they’ve reviewed it, and I want to give you the opportunity to do the same if you’re interested in grabbing it. It’s a short read, but it’s helped a lot of men, just like you, and maybe you’re not interested in The Activation Method yet, but this is a small entry point that can really turn things around for you. Go over an Amazon we have it priced as cheap as Amazon will let us, and that way you have a resource that you can use right now to start getting some results in your marriage. Now let’s get back to the episode
Christopher 18:39
I tell the men that I talk to like, it’s the, it’s the greatest blessing ever, because it’s going to teach you more about yourself. It’s, it’s like, designed to teach you more about yourself than you know, pretty much anything else. Maybe kids get thrown in there, but you’re going to learn. You’re going to grow. Right? It’s the intention for it. And, yeah, and yeah, I come back to Tools, right? If we, you know, if you’re trying to build a house and you’re using, you know, kitchen utensils, it doesn’t really matter how much energy you put into it, right? You’re going to be just spinning your wheels, spinning your wheels, spinning your wheels. But, you know, somebody hands you a hammer and nails, and you start to collect the right tools. You know, the energy that you’re then putting into building this house like you start to see results. And, yeah, unfortunately, so many of us just weren’t given those tools, you know, stepping into marriage. Yeah,
Doug Holt 19:37
I’d say most of us aren’t. And the one thing I know about men watching us now, or they’re watching us on YouTube or listening to us on the podcast. They’re great men, because, in my experience, assholes don’t try to save their marriages, right, unless it’s a financial concern. You know, I have talked to guys, or I’m questionable about themselves, but they. Are, like, I’m just doing the math. I could either spend X, you know, a couple, you know, 1020, 30 grand, and save hundreds of 1000s of dollars for the divorce. That’s super rare. That’s like, you know, one out of 100 if not even more. But the guys watching us or listening to this are good hearted men who have, long the way, have just missed something to your point, like I wasn’t taught these skills. I had to learn them along the way. Work with other great professionals for a long time to kind of piece these skills together. We teach in The Activation Method and beyond. And really, what it comes down to is this guy and myself. I did this with Aaron, my wife I’m talking about all the time is I thought, okay, she’s not happy. How can I make her happy? Right? All right, she’s bitching and moaning about me working too much, or I was playing soccer at the time and doing stuff, being tired on the weekends and not cleaning the house. And I’ve guys have listened to this podcast. I think we’d almost done 900 of these shows. I’ve heard this, but other guys haven’t. I don’t know if you know this, Chris, but what I did is I left work early. You know, I had one of my companies. I left, came back to our place, put a pot of coffee on, cranked up the music, and I cleaned that freaking place like nobody’s business, right? And I’m thinking honestly, like the subconscious mind a little bit, thinking like, you know, chest puffed up, you know, like when she walks through that door, she’s going to be so amazed at how amazing of a man I am. She’s going to recognize see me for my greatness. We’re gonna have amazing sex. This is gonna, you know, we’re off to to blissful land again, right? And, and, gosh darn it, man, she comes in, sets her stuff down, and kind of walks in and sees the house and goes, Oh, you didn’t clean the oven. And of course, being the calm, cool, collected man I am, I lost my shit,
Christopher 21:46
yeah, absolutely. Or I’ve been in a similar situation where did similar thing and was met with, oh, I don’t clean the house well enough. Yeah, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah. So just going back to, you know, kind of my role in the men that I talked to. You know, there’s a number of different ways that those conversations go. And again, I try my best to really just provide them, you know, whatever value that that I can, yeah, and I take it back to tools like, what, what tools can I get into somebody’s hands, something they can take action with, you know, immediately, so that they can start to, you know, just, just move in the direction that that is a positive one for them, their wives and, most importantly, their children. I think what it comes down to, for a lot of guys is, you know, how long is this process going to take, right? You know, if I send somebody a handful of tools for them to go implement, they may implement them maybe, maybe quickly, and typically, not typically, it’s going to take some time, and they realize that there’s a, you know, it can be a little bit like navigating a minefield. And, you know, I think that’s the, the biggest thing that I try to communicate to them is that, hey, these are here. We’re here to support. But depending on where your situation is, like, it is really important to be guided through that by men that have achieved what you are looking to achieve, right? Yeah. So, yeah, I just kind of taking that back to, you know, The Activation Method and the importance of, you know, having a coach and being guided through this program. And you know, for us to be able to help somebody achieve in a short period of time, what it may take them, you know, months, years, you know, maybe never to achieve.
Doug Holt 23:58
Yeah, I would. I’m listening to you talk, and I’m coming back to your analogy of building a house, right? So you and I were talking before camera about construction stuff, things we want to do on The Ranch. And going back to the house analogy, it’s, you know, sure somebody can, if you say, hey, look, I want to build a house, they can send you the latest HGTV, you know, or this old house video on how to fix your house up, and you can watch the video and watch the next video and watch the next video. You can watch videos for years and still not know how to do it, or go try it yourself and fumble. Or you can spend a few weeks with a master builder, someone who’s been doing this for a long time, and helping other more importantly, I think, helping other people build houses so they can explain it in a different term, and which one’s gonna get you better results? I mean, it’s a no brainer, right? And most of the men that we work with get the fact that, hey, I’ll hire an expert, and I’ll get speed speed to success coming through and get real results. And when you’re working with a coach. Much. Whether you do it through TPM or you do it through another program, you have a level of accountability that’s also laid out there. And as things get thrown your way, like, Oh, my wife’s spending too much. Oh, no, I think my wife is, all of a sudden, she’s not where she says she is. Or what do I do in these situations? As much as we put out again, it’s almost 900 shows for free. We have a book out there that displays our program right. If you guys could go to Amazon and find how to save your marriage without talking about it, we it’s the lowest price we can leave it on Amazon for so we put all these resources out for free, and men can use them or not use them. But I can tell you the men that go through the program now they have the tools they can use in this relationship, the next relationship, or again, the group of guys I was talking to today, Chris, that guy was saying, I’m using these with my daughter, and it’s working because, you know, she’s a young woman, and these tools, it’s allowing me to connect to her, where I used to blow up and get upset when She was on her phone, Doom, scrolling or ignoring me. Now I can pull it back and I can see all of the tendencies that my wife had. My previous girlfriends have had. She’s got the same tendencies, and now I can show up as a strong masculine role model provide the safe space for her.
Christopher 26:17
Yeah, I mean the again, going back to Tools, applying those with the kids. Just in my, my own life has been fantastic. You know, moving out here hasn’t come without its challenges, right? We moved all the way across the country, two kids in tow, new schools, new house, like, you know, and we, we went from choosing to do that to actually doing it in six weeks, you know, an adventure, and that’s the thing that I’ve really had to maintain that level of connection with my daughter. My son’s doing great. He’s out, he’s active, you know, my daughter’s a different story, much more emotional. Requires a different set of tools to connect with her. And, yeah, so it’s not just about, you know, the the marriage, right? This is about you and how you show up in the world, in all aspects of life, right? And I think that’s where, I think that’s where the real magic happens for these men is when they they realize that, right, that it’s not just about saving the marriage. It’s, it’s about the relationship with the kids. It’s the relationship in business, in friendships. And you know, it’s, it’s holistic, right? Well,
Doug Holt 27:30
they’re tools. They’re tools you can use, like, if you, if you know how to, if you know how to use a reciprocating saw to build a house, you can also use it to build something else or use it somewhere else. Now you always have that tool at your disposal, and guys use it in business. Guys use it everywhere. These are tools that we haven’t taught. Been taught on relationships. They specifically work with, in my opinion, with women and feminine relationships. But dude, I use, I use The Hidden Motives Technique, specifically with men all the time, masculine, masculine men, and you’ll see people’s defenses come down. And now you can have a heart to heart, honest conversation like you would with somebody you’ve known for 30 years. Guys talk about this all the time that are in the programs like I’m close, they’ll say I’m closer to the men that I went through this program with than I am with anybody else in my life. Yeah, it’s
Christopher 28:23
a completely different framework to operate from, yep, right? And the level of connection that you know he As humans, we desire connection, right? Yeah? And yeah, it’s, it’s a completely different framework, yeah. So
Doug Holt 28:39
going back to this guy. And gentlemen, if you guys are out there too, in the same and women, and we have a lot of women that listen to this show, that reach out, but ladies, I’m gonna talk to the guys for a second. Here is if you find yourself in this situation where your wife is overspending, first of all, realize she’s overcompensating. Okay, most women aren’t going to overspend unless they’re overcompensating that they have a good head on her shoulders. And what I’ve learned Chris is the the women, the men who listen to our show that reach out, they always say the same thing, I married a strong woman, right? Strong Women need a strong man, right? And then she wouldn’t have married you unless she knew how strong you were. So she’s asking or begging for you to step to the line, as we say in TPM, or step up and do something to help out, like set a firm boundary to your point, she is going to give you a shit test. She’s going to test you time and time again. And what she’s doing, guys, is when she’s testing you. She’s testing to see if you’re safe. I know it sounds weird. We did a four week masterclass on this for the men with inside the movement, but really what she’s doing is saying she’s pushing against the barrier to see if the barrier is firm. I have young kids, four and seven, and they’re always bouncing off the rules to make sure. Rules are firm, but when I enforce those rules, they feel safer. They know they’re protected, and your wife is doing the same thing.
Christopher 30:08
Yeah, exactly. I mean that masculine, so you take it back to polarity and energy, right? I mean, the masculine energy is the container, yep, right? And if that container has cracks in it, and that feminine energy doesn’t feel protected, it’s gonna, it’s gonna recoil and shut down. And the more that that happens, the more that it ingrains to her that you’re not safe, yeah? So it’s not just about having the tools. It’s about consistently using them, right? And, yeah, creating that firm, masculine container that, and her role in that is to stretch you to expand. And that’s where that growth in that marriage really comes from,
Doug Holt 30:49
100% and so for this guy, if he’s listening to this, first of all, shout out to you for reaching out talking to Chris here, you’re like one of the one percenters we have. Gosh, I can’t remember the exact number, but we have 1000s and 1000s of men reach out every month or inquire, and the number of those guys that actually get on a call and show up and have a brief conversation with Chris is much lower, because I think guys just get scared. So shout out to this guy. We’re not holding you at fault at all. I’ve been there. Chris has been there. It’s not your fault, man, and you get to now learn how to sell, set healthy, firm boundaries in your marriage so that you can lead your wife. And then the next step is getting the skills. So what I would say is, first step, set really strong boundaries. Second step is surround yourself with high quality men who are in your situation or a similar one. So men that want to better their marriage, that’s a great place to be, especially in my opinion, right? So what I look for are fathers that want to better their marriage, better relationships with their kids as well, and then now go get the tools right? Keep adding to your tool belt so you can let your wife feel safe, right? All men want their wife to feel safe right now. Emotional safety, as I learned, is very different than physical safety, and is actually more important to a woman than physical safety. That’s why women will put themselves in very harmful relationships physically because they it’s emotionally stable, even if it’s unstable, then it’s the known so. But get yourself there emotional safety, then you get to figure out how to make your wife feel seen, heard and then desired. If you can do that, gentlemen, you will have a passion filled marriage where I hear this more often than not, where the the men find out my wife just doesn’t want to have sex. She has no libido, nothing. And then they go through the program, and you know, lo and behold, they’re like, Dude, my wife won’t stop. Like, yeah, there’s a reason. 50 Shades of Gray sold so many copies, guys, your woman was probably way more sexual than you are, and way more sexual, definitely way more sexual than you think. That’s very, very rare. Most men just like, Ah, I just don’t want to try that, but you got to get there, make her feel safe, then seen, then heard, then desired, and do it in that order. Otherwise it’s going to be shaky. And to Chris’s point, you need the tools.
Christopher 33:19
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And to anybody out there that is, you know, does have some resistance around, you know, reaching out, having a conversation with me or a member of my team, I can assure you, it’s, it’s, it’s not as bad as you think, and we’re happy to, even if it’s just to listen and just to, you know, get an understanding of your situation. We are, we are, we are here to do that. So I encourage those men to reach out if they’re on the fence. Yeah,
Doug Holt 33:49
and guys, if you’re listening to this and you’ve heard me talk at all, you have to get on a call. You just have to, and I don’t say have to very often, if almost never, that’s a must do. But what I will give you a caveat is, if a man like Chris is gonna offer his time for you, that’s precious. He’s got two kids as well. He’s, you know, working. He’s just recruited his family. Chris has got his life. So if you do schedule a call with Chris, show up, show the man the respect of showing up, being authentic on the call. There’s, I’m gonna go out there. I know everybody’s situation is different, and yours is totally unique, and you’re a unicorn. But Chris has heard it before, and there’s no judgment. We’ve all been there. I’ve been transparent that my life’s not perfect. Never has been. Chris has shared some of the stuff with him, with himself, and his marriage, his children. We’re guys. We’re men that are here to help other men. And so if you do get on that call, first of all, shout out to you, because that shows me you’re a man of action, and I have nothing but respect for those types of men. Second thing is, just make sure you show up. Make sure you show up and give the other man on the other call the due respect that. You would want as well. Speaking of which, Chris, if a guy’s right now, he’s on the treadmill, he’s driving his car, or he’s watching us on his big screen, if he wants to go, he’s like, You know what? I’d love to just give a quick chat with Chris or one of the other advisors and just see what do they think of my situation. What do they think, is it possible? A common question’s got to be, is it worth saving? Is it worth working towards? Sure? What’s the best way, or what are some ways for them to reach out and get onto a call?
Christopher 35:30
Yeah, I think the easiest way is to to go to our website. If you go to the powerfulman.com there’s a very easy path for them to reach out. We in fact, have a button right there where they can, they can call a member of my team directly. I say that would be probably the path of least resistance for them.
Doug Holt 35:52
Perfect. There you go. And another one could be, I’m an email guy, so they could even email right into and set up a time and go down that path, which would be VIP at the powerfulman.com if they want to, gentlemen, we’ll put a link below with in this that you can just click a button and it’ll take you directly to where you need to go. There is an application process. The reason we do that is we want to make sure it’s a good fit. We literally, we just don’t have enough calendar slots or times Chris would have to clone himself 1000 times over in order to talk to all the guys that even just reach out at the initial stage. But also tell you if you’re on the fence going, Well, Chris is so busy, but I really like to talk to him just just to see if is this worth saving. I will tell you that a lot of those guys don’t take the next step. They make it all the way to the booking, and then they get scared. And if you’re a man of action, you’re listening to this, well, I know you are, because you’re listening to this and you’re ready to take that step, I encourage you to follow through. And ironically, for most of you guys, you’re gonna get mad at me for saying this, but I was me too. The reason you’re having problems in your marriage is not taking because you’re not taking action. And so start changing that now, Chris man, so great, as I said, to have you out here at the TPM ranch and around the area for you and your beautiful family, and thank you for all you do for the men that we serve and their kids.
Christopher 37:13
Yeah, absolutely, thank you for having me out here. And it’s absolutely my pleasure. I love it.
Doug Holt 37:17
Yeah, that’s great, gentlemen, as I always say the moment events, I take massive action. Chris took massive action, picked up his whole family, moved out to an almost unknown location in six short weeks. But that’s what you get to do for greatness, guys, if you want something different than you already have, you have to take massive action. Now. You don’t have to join The Activation Method program, you don’t have to go to an Alpha Reset, you don’t have to do these things, but do something, right? We put out over 900 episodes. We’ve been around for a long time. We love what we do. We know what works. So of course, we’re biased, right? We want you to come here because we think what we do is the best. But whatever you do, take massive action, right? Set firm boundaries in your relationships. Get the skill sets necessary surround yourself with other men. Iron actually does sharpen iron and get those skill sets because you deserve more than average. We’ll see you next time on the TPM. Show you.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
