Episode #1078
Most men think of legacy as something they'll leave behind. But what if your legacy isn’t about the future? What if it’s about how you’re showing up today?
In this episode, Tim and Bruce dive into the real meaning of legacy. It’s not about money, titles, or what people say when you’re gone. It’s about the emotional footprint you leave on the people closest to you, right now.
They walk through three simple but powerful questions every man should ask himself. These are the kinds of questions that cut through the noise and get straight to the heart. You’ll also get three micro actions you can take this week to live with more intention, presence, and impact.
These aren't big moves that take hours. They're real-life shifts that take just a few minutes but build serious momentum. Think voice notes to your kids, one honest conversation, or a simple new family ritual. It’s about consistently showing up, even when life is stressful or busy. Because who you are now is shaping what they’ll remember later.
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Tim Matthews 0:00
There’s often a faulty assumption that the men have, and that is that legacy is something they leave behind, rather than something that is lived today.
Bruce 0:09
The more successful I got, it was more like, “Ah, more people are gonna like me when I’m gone.”
Tim Matthews 0:14
But the truth is, your legacy is the emotional footprint you’re leaving on the people around you right now.
Bruce 0:21
I’m probably worth a lot less now than I was then, but I’m much happier. Eulogies at funerals are very overdone. They have a place, but why wait?
Tim Matthews 0:44
Hey guys, welcome to another episode of The TPM Show. My name is Tim Matthews, I am your host, and I’m joined once again by Mr. Bruce Grater.
Bruce 0:53
It’s great to be here again. Yeah, looking forward to this.
Tim Matthews 0:56
It’s been great, fifth one in a row, wow! Okay, right, so we’re going to dive into the idea of legacy. This was a theme of the event we just did for The Brotherhood, which is one of our mastermind groups where the Inner Circle was there as well. That’s the higher mastermind, as you know, the guys invest 100k to be in the Inner Circle and 37k to be in The Brotherhood.
The topic of the event in Napa was Legacy. And there’s often a faulty assumption that the men have, and that is that legacy is something they leave behind, rather than something that is lived today. And by them buying into that faulty assumption, ultimately it has them really forget the impact of their actions in the here and now.
What they often end up doing is getting far too focused on passing on things that money can buy versus the things that money can’t buy, values, memories, experiences, all that kind of stuff. So I’m curious, what is your experience with this?
Bruce 2:10
Exactly that. So in the earlier part of my career, I was all focused on how much money I could accumulate, what I was going to look like when I was no longer around. How were people going to view me? “Was he the successful guy?” That’s all that really mattered.
And the more successful I got, it was more like, “Ah, more people are going to like me when I’m gone.” That’s what I was going to leave behind, I was going to have left behind some money. Of course, that’s not, it’s changed a lot since then. I’m probably worth a lot less now than I was then, but I’m much happier, and I think I show up more for the people around me.
For me, that’s exactly it. I want my legacy to be how I show up every day, today. I always remember something my mother once said to me, years ago. She said to me, “I’ve just told a friend of mine that she’s really special to me, and I’m glad she’s in my life. I didn’t want to wait until her funeral to tell her, to tell everybody, how much she meant to me.”
It was just a friend of my mother’s, and I don’t know why that conversation stood out. I still remember it to this day, my mom sharing that with me. And I think that’s the sort of person I want to show up as: somebody who can say to the people in my life, “I’m here for you. You’ve made a difference in my life. I value you.”
I don’t want to wait until they’re dead and say, “Your legacy was X.” I want to have those conversations today and say, “You’ve made a difference to my life. I hope I’ve made a difference to yours. I hope I’ve shown up for you in the way you’ve shown up for me.”
I think that whole eulogies-at-funerals thing is very overdone. They have a place, but why wait? Why wait?
Tim Matthews 4:13
Why wait, right? It’s a little bit too late. And I know you said, “I was arguably worth more,” but the question that came to my mind was, in what way, right? Sure, in a lot of ways, you’re worth a hell of a lot more now. But I think that’s a question most people wouldn’t ask, because it’s very easy to fall into how much they’re worth on paper and how much is in the financial bank account, rather than the emotional bank account.
But the key thing is, obviously, the kids, your kids, they’re not going to remember your bank account. They’re going to remember what it was like to be around you. Exactly. And I think that’s something that can easily get lost, easily get lost on a lot of guys.
For sure, there’s a note here, something that we went through with the guys, I just want to read it out. The faulty assumption is that legacy is a future event. “I’ll get to it when I’m less busy.” But the truth is, your legacy is the emotional footprint you’re leaving on the people around you right now.
Bruce 5:21
I couldn’t put it better myself, Tim. That’s exactly it. We often think of legacy as something we’re going to leave down the line. I like the reframing of, yeah, what am I leaving or sharing right now?
Tim Matthews 5:39
Yeah, legacy isn’t about what you’re leaving, it’s about what you’re living. Beautiful. It’s what you’re living today, because that’s the lived experience.
So I’ve got some questions for you, because I know we have a shorter episode today. So the first question: If my son became a man like me today, would I be proud or worried?
Bruce 6:02
On the most part, I’d be proud, and I’m still a work in progress. There are still some things I’d like to do differently or better, but on balance, I’d be okay if they showed up like me. And nice if they were a little bit better than me also, you know? I still trip myself up a bit. I’m not always who I want to be, but generally I am. Generally, I show up the way I want to.
Tim Matthews 6:29
I think that’s the big one, “generally,” yeah, right? Because you’re not going to be perfect. Nobody is. You’re human. Next one, what do my kids learn from how I treat their mother when I am tired or stressed?
Bruce 6:46
So I always try to show up with respect and kindness and compassion. And it’s been a difficult year for our family this past year, and I like to think I’ve shown up with compassion and care. They may have a different opinion, but that’s what I think.
Tim Matthews 7:10
That’s the key thing, right? When I’m tired or stressed, pressure reveals, doesn’t it? Pressure can often reveal who we really are.
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Bruce 8:14
Now, for me, it’s also when I have been stressed this year and kind of in my personal life, being able to drop that guard and cry in front of my kids or cry in front of other people, that’s been incredibly empowering. I’ve realized I don’t have to put on a show. I can go to the authentic me rather than go to the angry me or the show-off me. And I think they’ve valued that. I think they’ve said, “Yeah, Dad, you’re showing up as you. You’re stressed, you’re tired, and you’re showing up the way you say you would.”
Tim Matthews 8:52
I think the misnomer there is that there’s weakness in vulnerability. In actual fact, there’s a lot of strength in vulnerability. The ability for you to be vulnerable, like you said, is a sign of strength, because not only will you be vulnerable and cry or whatever it may be, you’ll also stay present with it. It’s much better for you to show up and cry and be there with it, rather than to retreat and act out. It’s going to be way more worrying for you to do the latter than the former.
Bruce 9:25
I grew up, you know, boys don’t cry, men don’t show their emotions. It’s been a journey for me to get to that place, as I’m sure it is for many men who think they’ve got to show up as strong and, you know, “the man.” But for me, as you say, it’s not a weakness, it’s a strength.
Tim Matthews 9:45
No. Third and final question, if my son got with a partner like me, obviously, just forget gender, would I relax or tense up?
Bruce 10:05
Yeah, I think I’d be relaxed. I think I’d be relaxed with the me now. I’m not sure I’d want them involved with me as an early adult, but I think the journey I’ve been on of self-discovery, I’m showing up as a better person now than when I was. So yeah, I’d be relaxed with the now-me, not necessarily with the previous me.
Tim Matthews 10:34
There’s so much more depth and richness to this particular conversation of lived legacy versus left legacy than I think we have time for today. If there’s one message that you could really convey to the listeners about this idea of lived legacy, what would it be?
Bruce 10:59
Your people need you now, not later. Show up in the now, not how you think you should be showing up later. The legacy is now. It’s not what you’re going to leave in 10, 20, 30 years’ time.
Tim Matthews 11:14
Tell me more about “your people need you now, not later.”
Bruce 11:19
We all have the special people in our lives, whether they’re children, wives, partners, girlfriends, parents, whatever it is. I need them in my life now, and I’m guessing they would benefit from having me show up fully and authentically now, rather than waiting 20 years for me to show up, or waiting 20, 30, 50 years for me to leave them some money. My guess is, they don’t want that. They want me now.
Tim Matthews 11:54
So have you heard the story about how the Nobel Peace Prize came about?
Speaker 1 11:59
No. Okay, I’m curious there.
Tim Matthews 12:02
So Nobel is a person, I can’t remember his first name, but let’s just call him Mr. Nobel. Back in the 1800s or early 1900s, this Mr. Nobel was reading the paper, and there was a eulogy there. Now, he had a twin brother, and their family was in the dynamite business, and it was actually his twin brother who had passed, but in the paper, the eulogy was for him.
Bruce 12:28
Oh, wow.
Tim Matthews 12:29
And basically, he was known as “The Merchant of Death,” or something to that effect, because, like I said, dynamite and explosives, and the people that were killed and hurt and all the rest of it. So when he read his eulogy, which should have been his brother’s, he then very quickly became aware of how he was going to be remembered, and he made a commitment right there and then to change it.
So what he did was he took all the profits from the dynamite business and invested them into the Nobel Peace Prize, and his legacy is now the Nobel Peace Prize.
Bruce 13:04
Incredible. Wow.
Tim Matthews 13:06
What a beautiful story. Yeah. For you guys that are listening to this, those three questions I asked Bruce, I’m sure you were reflecting on your own experience of them as I was sharing them with you, but I’m going to tell you them once more, and I’m going to leave you with a few micro-legacy actions that you can practice for the next seven days.
So those three questions are:
1️⃣ If my son became a man like me today, would I be worried or would I be proud?
That’s the first one. If my son became a man like me today, would I be worried or would I be proud?
2️⃣ What do my kids learn from how I treat their mother when I’m tired or stressed?
What do my kids learn from how I treat their mother when I’m tired or stressed?
3️⃣ If my son or daughter chose a partner like me, would I relax or tense up?
If my son or daughter chose a partner like me, would I relax or tense up?
Now, your micro-legacy practice for the next seven days, should you choose to accept it:
First one, send voice notes to your kids or even grandkids. Just pick one 30- to 60-second message each day where you share with them, this is a voice note, bonus points if you want to share a video, one thing that I love or respect about you. Share it.
Second thing, each day for the next seven days, have one courageous conversation that you’ve been avoiding having. It could be a very positive conversation where you tell somebody what you truly feel about them, how important they are to you. It could be something to clear some mud off the glass. It could be with your wife, your kids, a parent, a business partner, whoever it may be. And this isn’t to blame them, it’s just to be real.
Third micro-legacy practice, for the next seven days, pick one ritual to start and keep. This could be a short walk after dinner with your wife, it could be you sharing gratitude around the table before dinner, go around and do a quick round of gratitude, one thing that people are grateful for. Or it could be 10 minutes of reading with your kids every night. Just one practice you’re going to start and keep for the next seven days.
Tim Matthews 15:55
Bruce, anything you want to add?
Bruce 16:08
I’m going to be doing this for myself. I like that idea.
Tim Matthews 16:12
I mean, the compound interest on these is enormous, it’s so huge. So guys, thank you again for joining us on The TPM Show. It means the world to us that you’re here with us.
If any of this resonated and you want to find out more about how we might be able to help you, reach out, speak to an advisor. But like I always say, just do something. Just get off the fence. The fence is the worst place for you to be. You weren’t here for a life of average. You weren’t here to settle. You’re meant for more.
So we’ll see you next time on The TPM Show.