Episode #34
In this episode, Doug and Tim discuss the things money can’t solve. In our society, it’s common for us to think that money is the solution to all our problems (even if it’s a subconscious belief), and we often forget that other things are more important than money.
We believe that making more money will help us get to a certain point where we will work less, have the freedom to travel, and have more time to spend with our family.
Yet, while we are busy hustling and wanting to provide more for our family, we lose our relationships, and the problem becomes worse.
We need to understand that building connections within our relationships are much more significant than chasing money. We don’t need to buy unnecessary things or spend too much money on vacation to spend time and be connected with our family. Being present and spending quality time with them is already enough to solve that problem.
We get to be aware that money isn’t the only solution for everything. Recognize the problem, find the root cause, and solve it right away to break the chain.
Things you will discover in this episode:
1. That money can’t solve everything
2. Building relationships are more important than money
3. Recognizing the root cause of the problem to break the chain
4. Spending money on unnecessary things to solve a problem will create more problems
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Episode Transcript
Tim Matthews 0:02
If I gave you the money, what would you do with it? And if you think money will solve it, and you think that that number is 10 Kor 100 Kor whatever it is, and I was to give you it today, what would you do with it? Why would it solve it? And then would you, or have you ended up in the same cycle before?
Doug Holt 0:21
Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man show. I am your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host Tim “The Powerful Man” Matthews.
Tim Matthews 0:34
Why are you laughing?
Doug Holt 0:36
I know how excited you get. I picture my son like, he just had his birthday, he is two. But yet, when he saw the present, he understood that it was a gift for him. He just started jumping up and down, clapping his hands, yelling, “yay!”. I kind of picture your inner child doing that when I get ready to make my announcement.
Tim Matthews 0:53
Yeah, ultimately, not even my inner child. It’s just me.
Doug Holt 0:59
I love it. Well, Tim, today’s topic is “Money will solve it.” And this is something we so often see, in conversations, you see it more than I do even because right now, you get the opportunity to talk to men when they book a clarity call directly to give the guys listening to the idea. A clarity call is simply a free opportunity to speak with you or one of our other coaches to get clarity around where you’re at and what’s going on. We only give out one per person. But sometimes you pick these up, and I don’t do the clarity calls. You do, as well as some of our other people on our team. I often know from talking to you and just talking to the men we work with. Often, as guys, we think money is going to solve the problems. So what are some of the conversations that you’re having with the guys currently?
Tim Matthews 1:56
So a lot of them, and we’ve covered this on, I mean, it ties in some of the podcasters in it as well around having regrets and hoping they don’t find out. But a standard narrative that they have lived by has been the belief that when they get to a certain point, that’s when they get to a million dollars, that’s when they’ll work less. And that is when they’ll know they have the time and the energy to play with their kid or to their wife or whatever it is. one guy in particular, who I spoke with yesterday, believed that his plan and he believed that rental property was going to be the key for him. And he wanted to do that. So he could have the passive income and the freedom to travel with his wife. What happened was five years went by. He built the rental business, had the rental income there, and started a second business. At that time, a construction business tells him justifying it because they fed into one another. And then as they reached the point, and when I say they, I mean him and his wife, as they reached the point whereby the passive income, it was getting to level their desired, he then put his foot on the gas even harder, which then drove his wife away. And he now realizes it, and it didn’t he didn’t realize what it was doing at the time, he told himself that it was coming from a right place you wanted to provide and but underneath all is we went through the clarity calls and the training and then going into The Activation Method, what he became aware of was the fact that he had been trying to fill a void within him with money and success. But the trouble for him they encountered was, the more money he earned, the worse he felt. Because the more he earned, the more he also exhausted the things he thought would be the solution. So that’s when he felt even more lost, more lonely, more empty. And obviously, when his wife then left him too, because it became quite closed down emotionally. But his wife then left him too was the straw that broke the camel’s back. So, in answer to your question is often that belief that when I get to a certain point, that’s when everything will be rosy. But as we all know, that point never arrives, and that point is always around money.
Doug Holt 4:39
Yeah, we see this happen so often when it comes to money solving the problems we’ve again as you said, we’ve talked about this before. And the studies that I’ve seen vacillate, I think it’s $75,000 is the point of you feeling content. I think below $95,000 or $110,000 somewhere in that ballpark. They say the studies have shown, and this is where science and all these studies are. These are big meta-analysis studies that show that you don’t get more fulfillment, making more money than that. Yet the default is we have problems. Your wife’s mad at you or your kids, or we feel down or insignificant about ourselves, we go to the wealth thinking, money’s going to solve the problem. And it’s not always money. So let’s clarify that. It’s the things money can buy too; if I get a new car, my wife and I are looking at new cars. And I’m thinking, Okay, this would be a great car, and I’m a guy, so transparently, every time I look at the car, I’m also looking at the next model, right? The next model, the next model, and I are not necessarily doing to solve a problem, but I find myself in that trap of going down that tube “Oh, this is going to make things awesome, because we can do all these adventures,” “we can go here,” “we can go there.” And we can solve all these things. Knowing that buying the new jet ski, buying the boat, buying the extra vacation house, and all these things that we as guys do, and things that I’m guilty of, those don’t necessarily solve problems at all. And more often, they create more.
Tim Matthews 6:17
Yeah, Amelia, often, she reminds me so often. Because obviously, we are moving at a breakneck pace within our organization. Every time you uplevel, and new level, new devil, that whole conversation, you and I have done a lot of work to balance our hustle. You and I are recovering hustlers, and we are; that’s our default. It’s kind of like a crack addict. Yes, we’ll go back to the hustling even though we know it doesn’t work. It’s not healthy for us. But because in the past, we’ve got significance out of it. And it’s been a pattern for decades. We’re always working on being out of it, and Amelia has been there with me, seeing the transition from when I used to work 16 hour days right up until now. And it was on last week’s podcast, one of the recent ones anyway, we shared about making your business serve your life and not your life serve your business. And I was having a conversation with Amelia before I had the conversation with you, Doug, about restructuring my day and taking time off and, and so on. And she said, “Look, Tim, I don’t care, when we get there,” meaning there are our personal goals, “I don’t care when we get there, I’d happily get there slower, and enjoy the journey. And I’d happily do that. You know what? if we never get there, quote, unquote, that’s okay, too”. But there, quote-unquote, and obviously, we’ve got some lofty personal goals. We’re on our way to achieving them in our careers. And I appreciate that. And I have personally been a recovering hustler, and I get to one. I’m very grateful to have a woman like Amelia by my side because we can have candid and open conversations, and she keeps me in check. And at the same time as we are achieving, I love being in this conversation with you, Doug, and with the men because it reminds me not to shift the goalpost.
Because that was what I didn’t find myself doing, when the men came into the Facebook group, we asked them the biggest problem. And they always say it often revolves around staff, marketing, or more sales bearing in mind. They usually come into the Facebook group off the back of seeing a post about relationship problems. And the problems in the biggest problem aren’t staff, lead generation, or sales. If you want to tell yourself that it is and that when you have those things in place, that’s when the relationship will fall into place, it won’t happen. Because it’s a belief system, it’s a belief system that causes me or you or anyone to believe that when we achieve a certain point, that’s when we will change our behavior. That point very rarely arrives. It’s always another thing because of the beast’s nature because as entrepreneurs, we love to grow, we love ideas, and we love to seek new challenges and who we are. So money does not solve it at all. Being aware of it well that you’re in Not a story first and foremost, accept it and do the work to get to the root of what money is trying to solve. Because obviously, it’s always something within you, isn’t it, that you’re trying to solve with money, whether it’s the car or the home, or the holiday that whatever it is, it’s always something that you are hoping that you get, that will then make you feel a certain way. And the key here is to find out what you’re trying to feel and figure out how to give yourself it without the money, that’s when you then take control back, and the money and circumstance and situation stop controlling you. And that’s when you’re able to set the rules of the game and hang on a minute. I’m okay if I don’t earn for other teams of 500,000 or 10 K or whatever. So recognizing my priorities doesn’t mean I’m not going to achieve things. But I’m not going to achieve them at the cost of my relationship, health or happiness, or whatever it is, because money will never solve those things.
Doug Holt 11:16
Yeah, I think that’s, that’s important. Often, as men, we come up with this idea, like, wow if I just had an extra $10,000, or pounds, or euros or what have you, whatever, currency, people listen to this all over the world. And the question I often ask people, is it “okay if I gave you that? 10,000? What would you do?” “Oh, Doug, I pay off the debt,” or “I’d be able to buy the new car,” or “I’d be able to do this,” or “I’d be able to take my family on vacation.” And so, my reply typically would be something along the lines. “Okay, great. Has this happened before?” “Were you in debt last year? Were you in debt the year before”. And typically, there’s a pattern. They hustle, they pay off the debt, and the next year, they find themselves in the same position, or they hustle, they get the family vacation, yet they’re so stressed out at that vacation, they need a vacation from their vacation itself. Right? Because it’s not the money, they’re throwing money at a problem. And business, we talk about this a lot. Don’t throw money at a bad problem. Don’t throw money at a bad business until it’s solved. We know exactly what we’re doing. And it’s got a reason for it. And yes, you want to pay off debts and all these things. But why are you getting in debt? Or what? What’s the deal with a vacation? And how are you showing up? Are you able to glide into the vacation relaxed and enjoy it and be present and be present afterward? Do you need a vacation? Could you be present at home, because if you want as one of the men we talked to wants to go on vacation, so he can connect with his family? With him, can he connect with his family today? If that’s his sole reason for going on a vacation. For a lot of us, when we think about money, will we solve it if I just had this extra gosh, if I could make 100 an extra 100,000? Or an extra million, right? That’d be great. I’m not saying you shouldn’t because I think you should. If you’re able to, then that’s what you should be doing. However, why? Why do you want it? What’s the real reason? What’s the root cause? And until you determine that you’re going to repeat the same pattern over and over and over again.
Hey, guys, I want to interrupt this episode because I want to talk to you about something important. We put together a case study on how almost 300 men have taken control of their lives, their 4x in their business revenues, and they’re having more connected intimate sex, all without sacrificing their relationships or their health by using The Activation Method. Now, many of you have contacted us, and they want to know how they’re doing it. We put together this short 11-minute case study just for you. So you can see how these entrepreneurs are achieving this level of success. To get this case study, all you have to do is go over to ThePowerfulMan.com/bonus. Yeah, that’s one, one, one, and you can get the case study right now. All right, it’s only 11 minutes, and it’s going to show you exactly how these men have done it. Alright, let’s get back to the episode.
Tim Matthews 14:23
Yeah, so true. On day three of The Alpha Reset, when you tell the guys through the visioning work, what do they want? Why do they want to, and who does it affect? What becomes insignificant? When did you look at the why and the Who? Usually, the first draft that the guys come up with; will set these big, hairy, audacious goals financially. And then when you drill down into the why and the who, you realize, hmm, “actually I don’t require all that money,” “Actually isn’t gonna take me two years.” I could have most of those things today. If I organize my priorities and move things around, and when we consult with the man in the business, one of the easiest ways to make more money is to reduce the costs; they have to work harder. So if you want to have more money, and see if your problems go away, one of the quickest ways to reduce your costs straightaway is to get more money. Problems still there, more than likely symptom versus root cause, isn’t it?
Doug Holt 15:34
Yes.
Tim Matthews 15:35
You are continually going after you solve the wrong problem like you were alluding to a moment ago is never going to work. It becomes exhausting and tiring, forever chairs in that elusive carrot on the stick?
Doug Holt 15:51
Oh, absolutely. And we talked about what you were saying, Amelia, your girlfriend, your partner she’s saying, “Hey, look, Tim, let’s enjoy the journey.” And I think as men, we forget because we get significance around money. Its money is the business man’s version of the bench press. Right? How much do you bench? How much do you make, right? or How much do you think the other guy makes? And by the way, guys, I know a lot of high-level bankers, and they can tell you right now, the guy that you’re comparing yourself to probably is broke; they often will, I’ll talk to them. And they’ll be like so and so this company, or that company, it looks great. Outside they’re loaned loans out to the gills, and the cars leased and all these things. What doesn’t comparison work? But Amelia is telling you, look, I’d love you. I want to enjoy you. We’ve talked about this in other episodes. It’s not the money. And my guess is Tim, why don’t you know where you’re at when you guys meet? But my guess is financial. She didn’t you weren’t in a position to wow her with how much money you have. And if you did, that wasn’t the reason you guys are together. I know you, you’re so I mean, you’re an enlightened spirit. You’ve done a lot of work, and you’ve done tons of personal development; you wouldn’t get in that relationship anyway. The point being she’s not in a relationship with you for the money. So yet, why do we as men, myself included, and talking to myself here as often doing these shows? Why do we chase the money to make something better then? When all we want is its connection with our loved ones? is it right there for us right now?
Tim Matthews 17:37
Yeah, it’s so true; I’m just laughing because Amelia says, “You’re so stupid.” Because the women see this.
Doug Holt 17:48
It just drives me nuts.
Tim Matthews 17:50
Way before we do anything, we’re like, “Yeah, but it’s different. When you’re in it. You just don’t”. She’s like, “come on.”
Doug Holt 18:01
Good thing. They’ll listen to these episodes. Right?
Tim Matthews 18:08
I was speaking to again, the same conversation like, “why did you get with me?”, well, she said, “Why do you think I got with you?” And I just had a smile on my face. And I was like, “This is my chance.” “You go out with me? Like, well, I think I look quite good. I think that was one thing. I think that my ambition, my drive”. I use the word ambition. So drive. She said, “Tim, go out with you? Because you made me laugh”. Oh, wow. “I love that side of you that you are ambitious. I love that side of you. I don’t care. I don’t care”. Of course, no one wants to be no struggling on the streets. When we talk about what matters in life, connection, really, everything in life usually boils down to love. Whether it’s making more money, then look a certain way to be good enough to get the love you desire. Whether it’s to you, you want to have more connection with your wife and with your kids to experience more love and more love for yourself. Usually, it all boils back down to love.
Doug Holt 19:25
Yep, absolutely. 100%. And so we looked at this and wrapping this put a nice bow on this topic here. As we come to an end, what would you say to these men to take home points regarding this topic on money?
Tim Matthews 19:42
I think what you said was fine. If I gave you the money, what would you do with them? And if you think money will solve it and think that that number is 10Kor 100K or whatever it is, and now is to give you it today. What would you do with it? Why would it solve it? And then what do you or Have you ended up in the same cycle before? I think it’d be great for you to take inventory of that. Because my hope for you is that you realize that money doesn’t solve it. And again, as you said, Doug, it is about not saying here don’t make money, we both love money, and have very healthy relationships with money is great. I love what he can do and can’t have both. He can have a detachment from it and have a healthy relationship and desire and drive around it. And have everything else outside of your professional life and your personal life. You can have all those things. However, you’ve got to get to that point, and you’ve got to brick this hold that money has over you. I think answering those two questions that you brought up will be a great start.
Doug Holt 20:51
Well, there you have it, guys. So don’t be that guy. Go ahead and push, stop, and do the work. Right. You want to break the cycles that you’re in. At the moment, have any decision or insight to take immediate action. Gentlemen, that’s it for us for today. We’ll see you on another episode of The Powerful Man show. Meanwhile, join over 1000 other men just like you in the free Facebook group, The Activation Method; all you have to do is apply what you apply. We accept you if you’re a member of the community, and it’s up to you to share and get the most out of that. We’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man show.
