Episode 1141
What happens after the argument matters just as much as the argument itself.
In this episode, Doug sits down with TPM coach Sofia to talk about why so many couples stay stuck in tension, distance, and unresolved conflict and what it actually takes to reconnect afterward.
They unpack why many men avoid discomfort, why “brushing it under the rug” slowly damages intimacy, and how emotional repair can happen much faster when both people feel heard and understood. Doug also shares personal stories from his own marriage, including how long periods of disconnect almost led to separation before he learned how to take responsibility, communicate differently, and rebuild connection.
Sofia gives a powerful perspective on what women often experience during emotional disconnection, why loneliness builds when issues go ignored, and how simple things like honesty, humor, emotional safety, and curiosity can completely shift the dynamic in a relationship. Together, they break down what healthy repair actually looks like after conflict and why connection is a skill most people were never taught growing up.
If you’ve been feeling disconnected from your partner, stuck in repeated arguments, walking on eggshells, or unsure how to reconnect after conflict, this conversation will give you practical insights you can start applying right away.
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Inside you’ll learn why relationships lose connection over time, what creates emotional distance, and the practical steps you can take to rebuild trust, intimacy, and communication in your relationship.
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Doug Holt 0:00
Because you don't always have to have perfect alignment, but what you do get to do is respect the other person's opinion and hear them out.
Sofia 0:07
I think a lot of it has to do with, one, just calling out what is happening. We've had this disagreement. We are in this uncomfortability.
Doug Holt 0:16
I go to clean up my side of the street as soon as possible.
Sofia 0:20
But for the guys, you know, I think it's really important to understand that it's okay to have a little bit of discomfort.
Doug Holt 0:39
Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the TPM show. And today I have a very special guest that's back with us again, one of our most requested guests. We have Sofia with us. Sofia is one of the heads of our client success team, and she does an awesome job working with the men as they go through their journey within TPM. Sofia, thanks for being here.
Sofia 1:01
Thanks for having me, Doug. It's been a long time coming.
Doug Holt 1:04
It has. It has. You had a great idea for a topic that I know you see come up with the men a lot. Why don't you tell me a little more about it?
Sofia 1:12
So this idea that has come up a lot is incoherence with sitting in discomfort. But this idea of we talk a lot about rupture and repair, right? When we have an argument, and then afterwards, what is that bridge from arguing to getting and feeling connected again?
Doug Holt 1:39
It's such a common thing, right? People, they get in a fight. I know for my wife, Erin, who you've met, and I, when we called it Marriage 1.01 back in the day, we'd fight. And both of us were so stubborn, you know. You don't want to repair or reconnect, and it creates more and more distance and less and less intimacy over time. And gosh, Sofia, it'd be like two weeks would go by until we were able to reconnect again. And I think about all that lost time in that relationship that I haven't, whereas now we're able to repair and reconnect in minutes, if not faster.
Sofia 2:15
And I think when it comes to relationships, and when you think about, you know, we have this time where you're arguing and you have this disagreement, and then what a lot of people, I don't think, think about is what does it take to get from that space of discomfort to reconnecting again? And how do we move through that?
Doug Holt 2:39
So let me hear from your perspective. You know, what does someone need to do? Because what a lot of guys will come first of all, most of the guys just don't have the skills, as you know. They haven't been taught how to do that. That's why we teach The Hidden Motives Technique within TPM. They just haven't had that. Or they feel like they're walking on eggshells, and they'll repeat back to their wife or to their partner exactly what they think she wants to hear in a very stoic tone, right? No connection. And she just doesn't believe them.
Sofia 3:15
I think a lot of it has to do with, one, just calling out what is happening. Like, we've had this disagreement. We are in this uncomfortability. And also bringing in that safety of, I'm still going to be here through this discomfort. And it's like, it's okay that we are in this space of uncomfortability. And afterwards, you know, we're learning each other so much more. And it's okay to be uncomfortable as you reconnect. And I think that, for me at least, in the relationships that I've been in, and now with my husband, Scott, when we do go through that process of rupture-repair and what does the reconnecting look like, we have a choice of being able to are we going to sit in this thing that happened, or are we just going to talk about it, get everything out, and then move forward? And sometimes it's a little bit of both. But for the guys, you know, I think it's really important to understand that it's okay to have a little bit of discomfort.
Doug Holt 4:29
Absolutely. Well, I think it's also just being honest with yourself, right? A lot of the guys that come through the program feel like they're walking on eggshells. Or they don't want to fight or argue because they look at that as inherently a bad thing, rather than two people coming to an agreement, right? And sometimes that agreement is, “Hey, Sofia, we just got to agree to disagree on this one and move forward,” because you don't always have to have perfect alignment. But what you do get to do is respect the other person's opinion and hear them out. For you guys, maybe just for you and Scott, or other things that you've heard the men talk about, is there a process that you use to gain that repair, or do you just kind of wing it?
Sofia 5:16
Usually, a lot of humor comes into play with that, right? Because life already can be really heavy, right? Like, you know, kids, and the news going on, and just all these things. And for us, humor and bringing that lightness into the repair process has been instrumental for us. And just being able to say, yes, we have these things going on, and also look at the funny side of this, right? Like, we are both learning how to parent together the way that we do now. And there are sometimes where it's like you want to pull your hair out, but also finding those moments of joy and just being able to find the lightness, I think, is so critical when it comes to this reconnecting process.
Doug Holt 6:09
Oh, it is, right? And it's funny when you were saying that. I'm laughing because, you know, we deal with a lot of powerful business leaders. And so a lot of times they bring that CEO, you know, or board-style mentality to the home, and it just doesn't cut it, right? There's no levity. They'll come to their partner or their wife in a very serious tone, and they can be almost dogmatic when I've talked to some of these guys. And I used to be like this too, so that's how I understand it. I always tell people I've just screwed up more than they have, and so that's how I figured this stuff out. But they don't bring the levity to it or the fun, and they're expecting their partner to want to be around them. And it's almost like they play the victim card. “Well, Sophia is wrong, so she should be apologizing to me.” And I repeat it back to the guys in that kind of tone. They usually laugh because they're like, “Oh my gosh, I sound like a child.”
Sofia 7:09
I see it. I see it now.
Doug Holt 7:11
And they do. I think that's one of the issues, Sophia, is a lot of times when people are disconnected or arguing, they go through their childhood emotions subconsciously. And it's the seven-year-old version of Doug that comes out, and it's not the best version of me. You know, I'm 49 now, so to have that seven-year-old show up and try to play that card, it just doesn't work, especially with a grown woman.
Sofia 7:41
Exactly. I'm really curious, from a guy's perspective, when you have gone through that argument and that discomfort, for you personally, how does reconnecting with Erin what does that look like for you?
Doug Holt 7:57
Well, there's two different scenarios, right? There's my best of times, and then my times that I don't show up my best. So the time I don't show up my best is when I'm being stubborn. And Erin will even say, “You know what to do, right?” So she'll tell me, “You have all the tools. You teach this.” And I don't care. And even then, the disconnection doesn't last very long because we're at a stage of our relationship where we operate with knowing the other person has our best intention in mind, right? So when you have that lens, you can't be a victim, right? You don't play the victim card. And so what I do is I go to clean up my side of the street as soon as possible. And what that can look like, which I didn't know back in the day, it doesn't mean I have to apologize because maybe I didn't do anything wrong or that I feel is wrong. But I do get to take responsibility for the way my words and actions landed for her, and I get to understand what that is. So for guys that are listening to this that are newer to this type of work, you know, maybe I went out with the guys on Saturday and I came home later than Erin wanted me to, so she's upset. Well, maybe I don't think it's a bad idea for me to come home late. So I'll say, “Hey, look,” this is just an example, “I can imagine that me coming home late could be scary because you didn't know where I was. You didn't know how I was doing. So, you know, I don't ever want you to feel that way. I want you to always know that you're safe and that you can count on me.” And in that example, which is not the greatest one, I never said what I did was wrong, but I did take responsibility for the way my actions affected her. And I did lead her and tell her, “Here's what I want for you.” And I want you to feel safe because I do, right? Even when I'm mad or anything else, I still want the people around me to be safe, and I want the best for them. It's just like running a business. Unfortunately, running a business, people leave, right? You have friendships and things, and people leave. That doesn't mean I don't want the best for them in their world, in their life, for their families, for their kids. I do. Just naturally, it's my default. So I think, as men especially, we're not taught this. And so a lot of guys feel like they have to win. Or, “You know what, Sophia? I'm not going to mention anything to her because tomorrow it'll be better. We'll just brush it under the rug.” And that works zero percent of the time.
Sofia 10:47
Just like, “Calm down.”
Doug Holt 10:49
So I'm curious, from your point of view you represent all women in the world when there's clearly an upset, you know it's there, but he ignores it and acts like nothing's wrong or nothing happened. How does that leave you feeling?
Sofia 11:12
For me, it feels very lonely. And I think probably for a lot of women, that's what it feels like. The immediate story that you get into is, “Am I not valuable enough that you can see what's happening or that you're paying enough attention?” And it can feel really lonely. I would say that's the biggest word that comes in. And I think that's where a lot of the disconnection starts to happen. You know, all the guys that we talk about that come through The Activation Method and things like that, I don't ever think that there's malicious intention. But it's when it's not proactive proactively making sure that everything's okay and proactively making sure that the relationship is okay then you get the cuts by a thousand paper cuts type of thing. That's what it turns into.
Doug Holt 12:06
I would imagine, right so I'm just trying to empathize and put myself in a woman's shoes. So here you've got this guy that you're in love with. Something's clearly wrong, but he's ignoring it or acting like it never happened. And you're telling me, “Hey, I feel lonely,” right? And disconnected. Now that goes on for a while. Then I would imagine, as a woman, you're looking at this guy like, “This guy's not showing leadership,” or “He needs to pull his head out of his butt. Does he not realize what's going on here?” So when you couple that with loneliness, there's a strong chance a woman Erin and a lot of women I know tell me connection is everything, right? Community, connection. So if she's not getting her connection from you, she has to go get it from somewhere else. Now, it could be a friend, it could be work, it could be an affair, you know, or that guy that's DMing her on Instagram. So this is where a lot of guys miss out because they think that living off what I call hopium like just hoping things will go away is the best mode. And what you're saying is, no, you’ve got to step up. She knows there's something wrong. You know there's something wrong. Stop pretending.
Sofia 13:28
And I think the point that you brought up about connecting with other people, I've seen so much of this right now, just I think in general, like in society and with the way relationships are going right now, that connection that you talk about, that I think women are starting to feel like they find more fulfillment in other women relationships. And I've seen this so many times, Doug, that they're like, “I don't need a man because my best friend does everything that a man, you know, and more.” And what are men doing? And all these standards that should be there, but nobody was really given a template, honestly, right? Women have been so fed this version of what a relationship should be, and so they seek that deep connection. And it's what we, I think, what everybody wants at the end of the day. But just like you said, if you're not finding that connection with your husband, then that's when I've seen even like you said, it may not even be an affair. It might be someone at work or with your friends. We've had some guys really struggle with not that there was an affair happening, but just that their wife moved in with some of their other friends because they found more support there instead of their husbands. And I think that really goes to show that humans really crave this deep connection. And I think it's really important in the work that we're doing with TPM of how can we teach that to both men and women and start bridging that gap.
Doug Holt 15:10
100%. I mean, that's why we call it The Activation Method. We've been doing it for over a decade now, which is activating guys and giving them those skills. I mean, even me, you know, there are things I was like, “I swear I'll never do this or be like this.” My parents. And you find yourself copying because that's what you mimic, right? That's how you learn. You know, I have young children, you do, and that's how they learn from us. They look like little mini-me’s running around. They're saying the same things I'm saying, good or bad. You know, that's where they come from. And we do the same. And I think it's ironic that we just expect that we're going to have all this knowledge and these ideas and these things, and where are they going to come from?
Sofia 15:51
Exactly. And also, you know, I've been with TPM for quite a few years now, and when I first started, I had this thought that men don't really want to do the work. But when I started talking with more and more men, it was actually that the intention and the desire was there. There was just no blueprint. There was no path of how can I do this. And it honestly really humbled me because I had this attitude of, “Well, if I was a man, I wouldn't be like this and this.” And the reality is I probably would be exactly like that, right? Because that's just the world that you guys grow up in. And it's been so eye-opening to hear just the way that men have grown up in the world and hear their stories and the things that they struggle with, to really empathize and say, “Okay, I see now why you are the way that you are. Because if I was in that position, I probably would have gone through and been the same way.” And so that's been a really, I think, integral part also in my marriage. Because doing this work with TPM, I see so much of the guy's perspective of things that now when I am connecting with Scott, I'm like, “Oh, I hear it so much on this other side. I can have compassion. I see the stories. I can see that other side so easily with him.” So it's, I really think that the success of my marriage has really been attributed to TPM and what I've learned, even as a woman here.
Doug Holt 17:27
Well, it's awesome. I mean, you're such an integral part of TPM and these men's journeys. I hear the guys sing your praises all the time when I show up to the events, and they're talking about the insights that you're able to give to them. And the fact that you're able to bring that to Scott is amazing for you and your family and for him. The interesting part is, like you said, you get to see thousands of guys go through this journey and hear their stories. What are a couple things, Sofia, that you've noticed that these guys don't typically talk about but are thinking about inside, right? So when you think about a man's journey that surprises you, like if we're using us in generalities?
Sofia 18:15
I think that when a lot of guys are starting their TPM journey, they end up leaving with something different than what they thought they were coming in for, if that makes sense.
Doug Holt 18:29
Oh, I get it.
Sofia 18:30
And it's really endearing to see. It's almost like when you're a parent on Christmas Day because you know what the kid is about to open, and you're excited for them, and you have that anticipation. That's often how I feel with guys who are coming into The Activation Method. It's like, I know what you're going to get from this, and I know that you're in this excited but also unsure space. And it's really amazing to see them come in with such open hearts and such commitment. And it's really beautiful to see that transformation. And working with them through that has been one of the most fulfilling things about being with TPM. Because by the end of it, it's like, I can see where you're going to be at in the eight weeks.
Doug Holt 19:21
I love it because a lot of people think that men come in just to save their marriage. We have multiple programs, but a lot of the guys are disconnected from themselves. They've lost their mojo. I hear that's my words but they know something's missing. There's just something missing they can't put their finger on. And I think that's really an interesting thing. When they come into the program, they go into a cohort, and they start realizing, “Wait a minute, my story is not as unique as I thought. And there are other guys dealing with the same things. I'm not alone.”
Sofia 19:58
Exactly. And it's really cool to see that when these groups come together, and they can be in so many different situations. Some are dealing with affairs. Maybe some guys' relationships are pretty good, but they just want it to be better. Or some people are in separation or divorce. But even in these different situations, to see that usually at the root of what is happening is still the same is so cool. To see so many different people from different backgrounds and different businesses, and they all come together and they're like, you know, you might be afraid of dogs and I might be afraid of cats, but that feeling of fear is still the same. And so we can connect on that.
Doug Holt 20:43
Hey guys, I just want to share something with you. I'm sure we can both agree that in order to fix something, you need to know what's broken. And not only need to know what's broken, but a step-by-step methodology on how you can fix it. That's the easiest way to do it, right? Otherwise, you're going to be toiling with things. That's why I created a free training, a training that not only shows you how you got to where you are, where your relationship is missing that love, respect, admiration, and even intimacy that it used to have, but how you get it back. How do you retain that where your wife’s looking at you the same way she used to look at you when she said, “I do”? You know, I don't know about you, but for me, when my wife looks at me like I'm her man, that feels like I can conquer the world. And I want that for you. Simply go over to https://thepowerfulman.com/scales. That's https://thepowerfulman.com/scales. And I have a free video training for you. You can just click play and see if this resonates for you. Now, back to the podcast.
Sofia 21:45
And so to see so many men in so many different dynamics connect on that and find that is so amazing to see. And it makes it really nice that when I'm out and about and talking with people, and you know, I hear it as a woman, because women talk, right? “Where are all the good men?” It's like, well, I get to see them every single day at TPM. You know, they're showing up. And it's not just about the money that they put into this, but it's also about the time and the effort that they're putting into this. And the commitment and the desire is so amazing to see. So it's like I can never be a part of that train because I see it every single day that there are so many men that are truly not just wanting, like you said, to work on the relationship, but to work on themselves and find that peace and that joy within themselves. And I think it's so beautiful.
Doug Holt 22:39
It is. Well, you started this off in this conversation. We were talking about everybody has a desire and wants to be connected, right? Everybody wants to be appreciated, respected. These are common things. But in intimate relationships, your partner is the person that can hurt you the most because you've opened up to them the most. You care about them the most. Yet there are very few places that men can go specifically to learn the skills. It's a skill. Connection is a skill. Some people innately learned it as kids, but very few have. How do you actually connect? And I hear from so many guys. I mean, this morning I was at my daughter's kindergarten class. They did Donuts and Dudes, and so I got to go sit down at her class, and it was so great, right? But when I looked around, mostly dads, but you know, some grandfathers, uncles, things like that, most of the guys didn't interact with the other guys. They just looked nervous, out of place, you know? And I think as men get older, women are better at this. They stick to their old friendships because they're easy. And guys will often say it's very hard for them to go out and meet new friends. And I think it's difficult for women. I think women just naturally put themselves out there more and make it a priority. So when the guys are going through a hard time and there's disconnection between their partner, oftentimes they don't have somebody to turn to and talk about it or show them and say, “Hey man, here's a better way. Stop being a victim and take action.”
Sofia 24:22
It's been really amazing to be a woman on this team and to have so many men come to me to ask for a woman's perspective. Because oftentimes, you know, guy-to-guy coaching is amazing because that's the example. But it's been so endearing to see how many guys genuinely are curious about a woman's path in the world. And I really appreciate that so many of the guys in TPM have just reached out to be like, “I'm just trying to understand. I'm just really trying to see and have that connection.” And one of my favorite compliments that I've ever gotten was, “You're the first woman that I've felt completely safe to say all these things with, and I'm genuinely not going to have any judgment.” And I think that's what every human craves. And I think that especially men, like you said, it can be challenging to feel completely vulnerable and exposed and find people that they fully trust to be that way.
Doug Holt 25:21
100%. The joke is, right, guys don't pull over and ask for directions. They'll just keep going down the wrong path. What amazes me is the men who do join a program like TPM and it could be another one but they're guys that are smart enough and brave enough to raise their hand and go, “Shit, I don't know how to solve this. I need a proven methodology that I can actually apply and go through.” And I think that's just the difference, right? At the end of the day, I think most people, Sophia, men and women, are good people and good-intentioned. They're just scared, right? I mean, there are guys listening to this right now I'm speaking to them that are afraid. What happens if I fail? What happens if I start this program or another program and I don't finish it? You know, they're just scared because there's a lot on the line here. And when you think about it, your family is everything at the end of the day. All of the men that I coach are building their empires for their families and for themselves, but they're also at the risk of losing the very thing they're building it for.
Sofia 26:32
100%. And that's what I tell all, you know, especially with the guys who are just joining in The Activation Method. I always tell them how appreciative I am of them just taking that step because there are, I'm sure, tons of scams out there. There's tons of coaching things. But I always just tell them that I have so much respect for guys that can just trust their intuition when they come. I often ask, “What was it about TPM?” Because there are so many things you could be doing other therapists, podcasts, other coaching, whatever. What was it about TPM? And most of the time they just say, “You guys get us. You just get me.” It felt like when Doug was talking about this and that, you genuinely care. And I can feel that through your messages. And I heavily relate with everything and the way that you express it. It's so amazing to see that we can have that connection even just through our videos and things like that. And to have guys trust us, I mean, it's such a huge compliment and honor that they trust us with, like you said, the most important things.
Doug Holt 27:49
Oh, 100%. It’s never lost on me. I was coaching a guy today, a one-on-one client, and he's been with us for three years now. We were joking about when he started. He was so lost, like a lost puppy. And this guy runs a big company. He is not a dumb man. He's extremely smart. But we were talking about how now that the problem with my wife is put behind me because they're great now he's like, “Now I can focus that energy on my business and my health and really work on it.” And so his income is multiplying because home base is taken care of. He and his wife are connected. They get disconnected, and he repairs it, like we were talking about earlier. Because I know when Aaron and I were going through our problems, it just loomed over my head the entire time. I was thinking either about how she was wrong and what she needed to do better, or I was looking for an exit, right? I was thinking about, okay, what's my exit going to be? Who am I going to be with? All of these other problems and situations were distracting me from the other areas of my life that mattered so much, and it was taking all my head space.
Sofia 29:02
And I think that when you were going through that, was there any thought of what Aaron was going through? Or what she was thinking about? Or was there any curiosity around that?
Doug Holt 29:16
There was curiosity, but it was mostly her fault, Sofia. So she just we joke about it now but that's what both of us were thinking, right? She was thinking, “Well, if Doug just changes, then we're going to be great.” And I was thinking, “Well, if Aaron just changes.” Because at that time I had three companies that I was running. I was in Rotary Club. I was networking. I was in Santa Barbara doing all these things. And everybody around me seemed to think I was great. Like, I was a good person. They laughed at my dumb jokes except for Aaron, right? And so it was clearly her fault that she couldn't, you know, something changed.
Sofia 29:58
Amazing.
Doug Holt 30:00
And it wasn't until I mean, I tell this story a lot, I put it in the book but I left. So I went down to San Diego and stayed at a place on the beach, fully going down there with the intention to plan my exit, if you will, and what that was going to look like. I was down there for, I think, three weeks or so, maybe longer. But my intention was to plan my exit. And I started working on it. Back then I ran a lot, so I was running on the beach. It was one of those perfect Southern California days. The water splashing hit my face. And I remember thinking to myself, “Have I been the best version of myself for 30 days straight?” And instantly the answer came back, “No.” I was like, “Oh shit.” “Have I been the best husband I could be for 30 days straight?” “No.” “Shit.” Okay, maybe this isn't just Aaron's fault. Maybe this guy over here has something to do with it.
And that's when we started ironically, or maybe not she was going through the same process. So we actually got on a phone call together and decided, “Hey, let's figure some stuff out here. There's something to be done.” We thought we had tried everything, but that's when we started realizing that maybe I can make some changes and maybe she could make some changes. And the truth is, we didn't change, right? We just learned better forms of communication and acceptance and looking at our side of the street. That's where we started to come back.
Sofia 31:37
And also learning each other. Because there are some things that might be helpful for you, and then you try to do those things for her, and she's like, “Well, that's not helpful for me.” And I think that's a huge part about relationships, whether it's in marriage or with kids or whatever. We as people are constantly growing and changing. So it's important to make sure that we're growing together and that we're continuing to learn about each other and also communicating.
Scott and I had this rupture that happened recently, and his way of trying to help for him he was like, “This is what would help me in this situation.” And I was like, “Well, that is you, but that was not helpful for me.” But it was a really cool moment because he got to learn more about me, and I got to learn more about him. Like, “Okay, well, when this is happening, this is how I know how to help you now.”
And I think what you talked about going back to “Have I been the best husband?” is really always turning the lens back on yourself. Even in this situation that might seem, like you said, like it's all this other person's fault whether husband, wife, or whatever but always looking back to see where could I have shown up differently. Not better, just differently. Is that in alignment with who I am and who I want to be and how I want to show up in the world? That is so important.
And for me, my journey with just loving people in general, it's a really big question that I ask myself: Am I showing up as who I am and who I want to be? And really doing that I am the stick man exercise that we have guys come in and do I have those posters up all over my house because it's so important to remember who it is that I'm striving and continually tapping into.
Doug Holt 33:38
It's incredibly important. And fast forward to today, in any relationship or interaction I'm in that feels off, I always wonder, what's my contribution to this? And what part of me am I annoyed by? Am I annoyed that that guy over there is being too loud? But is that because I'm being quiet? Or is that because there's a part of me that's too loud? Or what is really going on for me?
And when you get in that state and I know you do too you start to get really curious and creative, and that's where growth happens. The old version of me might not understand this, but most men and women too; I used to coach women before TPM most people don't know who they really are at a core level. They think they do. But you start asking some very poignant, deep questions, and all of a sudden it's like, “Oh crap. Who am I really at my core?”
And that's why I love when I get to go to events like The Alpha Reset or we have an event coming up in Spain. I get to talk to the guys and take them through exercises where they really get to know themselves. And you see these guys just light up. Guys are like, “Oh my God, there I am.” I feel like they find themselves for the first time ever or the first time in a long time. It's magical.
Sofia 35:00
And not just knowing, but also feeling who they are as well. I think that’s huge too. The amount of guys that I've talked to who have said, “I didn't even really know how to feel true emotions,” whether it was joy or pain or sadness. And really allowing them to open up their hearts to even just feel the emotion of who they are and that it's so human to feel I think is so huge.
Some of the guys that have been with us in TPM for three or four years, some of the biggest feedback that I get is, “Man, I really know how to just feel now.” And it's so crazy when I think about where I was 10 years ago and all the stuff that I was either numbing or shoving down. And now, through The Activation Method, The Brotherhood, The Alpha Reset, all these different things, I really feel. And I actually feel like I'm living life whether it is in the struggle or it is in the joy.
And I think that's so beautiful because so many people do live in that numbness or that equilibrium, if you will. They don't really get to see the true joy or the passion. So I've really loved seeing the way that TPM helps men find that true emotional state and passion and joy and peace and fun and play and also sometimes pain too.
Doug Holt 36:28
All the colors of the rainbow, right? All the feelings. Sophia, thanks so much for all that you do at TPM and what you do in the world. You've dedicated your life, your career, to making the world a better place, and you're doing a huge job. Like I said, the men just sing your praises. It's so great not only to have a female perspective, but your perspective, right? Which makes it unique. And you literally walk these men through some of the most trying times of their lives to get to the other side. And you know, not only does that take courage, but you've literally helped thousands of families. So I just want to thank you for all that you do.
Sofia 37:08
Thanks for the opportunity. It's been, you know, every time when guys come on and some guys, when they come into The Activation Method or some of our programs, they're like, “What is the integrity of this company?” I say, “Man, I've been here for this long because of how fulfilling it is, but also because of the leadership that you guys provide.” You know, both you, Tim, and Brad, and everyone on the team, it's so authentic and genuine. I just feel so amazingly blessed and so fulfilled working with you guys and working with the men and with the movement. It's just such an honor to be able to help families. And just hearing guys who have been with us for five years I was just talking with a guy who's been with us for four years and he was telling me how his life has just been a complete 180 from, you know, not just working with me, but obviously us as a whole team. And it's just in those hard moments, because obviously what we do can be a little emotionally taxing sometimes, but it is so worth it. Hearing the men and hearing their stories is just so amazing. So I really appreciate the opportunity to help.
Doug Holt 38:23
Awesome. Well, you do a great job. Well, gentlemen, as I always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. And you're hearing it right here from Sophia, talking about a lot of things. But even going from disconnection I think about it with my wife the wasted time. Man, if I could get it back. The one thing you can't get back. But I'm so glad that I did the work. It's never too late to bring that back. And I apply it to every area of my life, not just that relationship. I do it with my kids. I do it with my friends. If Sofia and I have a disconnection, we go back and we clean it up as soon as possible. And you're buying time. You're buying life back. So whatever you do, guys, take massive action. Do one of these things that Sofia has given you all these tools for connection from a woman's point of view. And remember, if you're disconnected from your wife, the woman that you love, she's probably extremely lonely right now. So have some compassion for her as well. We'll see you next time on the TPM Show.