Episode #1102
Many men believe that providing a house, a bank account, and a stable lifestyle is enough to keep their marriage thriving. They pour their energy into work or physical fitness, thinking that if they just achieve more, their wives will finally feel secure and satisfied. But as Paul shares in this episode, you can't intellectualize your way out of a disconnected relationship. Often, the harder a man tries to "fix" things through external achievements, the further he drifts from the man his wife actually fell in love with.
Paul opens up about the moment his world shattered and he realized he had been "half-assing" his life by doing just enough to be average. Like many high-performers, he used control and certainty as a shield, resisting the very emotional openness required to save his marriage. Alongside Lawrence, he discusses the transformational process of letting go of the need for constant control and the realization that mindset alone is ineffective if it isn't fueled by a grounded heart.
The conversation dives deep into the "knowledge gap" that keeps men stuck in loops of defensiveness and shame. You will hear why marriage counseling often fails when a man hasn't first done the work on himself, and why respect often carries more physiological weight for a man than affection. This episode is a look at what happens when you stop being a "fixer" and start taking radical responsibility for the man you are showing up as every day.
We explore the importance of routine, the danger of the "lone wolf" mentality, and how to start listening to what your wife is actually saying rather than what you think she is saying. If you feel like you are walking on eggshells in your own home or that you have lost your sense of identity in the pursuit of success, this discussion provides a roadmap for coming back to center.
If you are ready to stop guessing and start leading your family with clarity, take the next step by accessing our free training. This is designed for the man who is tired of the distance and ready to see exactly where his relationship stands.
Visit https://fixmarriage.thepowerfulman.com/scales to get started.
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Paul 0:00
I was in a hole. I was panicking, I was scared, I was lost.
Lawrence 0:09
It was a powerful process that you go through there, and it changed my life too.
Paul 0:14
Those four days opened me up like I'd never been open before.
Tim Matthews 0:18
Now, mindset without the right heart-set is going to be nowhere near as effective as the mind being fueled by the heart.
Paul 0:26
Was the heart shift I got. I'd done enough to be average.
Tim Matthews 0:41
Hey guys, welcome to another episode of the TPM Show. I'm Tim Matthews, I am your host, and I'm joined with Wildcard and Jigsaw. Greetings. So Paul, let's give the guys a quick 30-second high-level overview of who you are. What brought you to the movement, your experience in the movement, and then we'll go from there.
Paul 1:05
I'm Paul Trail, originally from New Zealand. I found TPM probably six years ago. In my darkest, I was in a hole. I remember I was panicking, I was scared, I was lost, and I had the fortune to go on a reset, and I don't use the words "changed my life" lightly. It really did. And then going through the Brotherhood just opened me up; it changed my world.
Tim Matthews 2:03
He got Brother’s Brother.
Paul 2:07
And I was really proud of myself.
Tim Matthews 2:09
You were. I remember you, I want to say an acceptance speech... I was thinking acceptance speech, and it wasn't an acceptance speech, but I remember you getting awarded with it in Banff, virtually, I think, right? And you were just blown away.
Paul 2:27
Argentina. And the good thing, the great thing, was I acknowledged myself for putting in a shift for a year going through the Brotherhood. And that was my biggest fear: that I wasn't going to show up. Oh, really, I was going to half-ass it.
Tim Matthews 2:48
That is your biggest fear?
Paul 2:50
Because up until then in life, I'd pretty much half-assed. I'd done enough to be average.
Tim Matthews 3:00
Yep. Why do you think you'd half-assed?
Paul 3:10
Because I was capable of more.
Tim Matthews 3:11
But why do you think you'd half-assed it, though? Like, what was holding you back, or what was the reason?
Paul 3:22
What was holding me back? Little did I know, I didn't think I was good enough. I wasn't enough. That's what I felt like. That was the story I told myself.
Tim Matthews 3:48
You were telling me a funny story before we jumped on this episode about how you got to the reset. So I think let's just, let me just zoom out a second here. So for those of the guys listening that don't know, The Alpha Reset is an event that the men in The Brotherhood go to. The Brotherhood is a year-long program that some of the men who graduateThe Activation Method or the Ascension Blueprint get invited to.
We don't invite every guy because, quite frankly, not every guy puts in the work. And we're very particular about the community. We're very protective about the community and The Brotherhood. You guys know that the power and the strength of those men, like that group of guys, is just phenomenal. Be it the guys that are in now, or the guys that have been in and are doing something else, whatever it may be.
And the reset now is something that can also be accessed through the Ascension Blueprint, which is a program that has been designed for men, not necessarily married men, but men who drift, ultimately, and are stuck and just feeling like they were meant for more.
And you were telling me, before we jumped on here, about your exchange with Ryan, right? And you kind of laughed at this as well, Lawrence, because you resonated with this. Ryan calls you two years after The Activation Method and says, "Hey, do you want to go to the reset?" This was when you still thought I was a con man or whatever, which is great. I love hearing these stories because I don't always get to hear them.
So Ryan's asking, "You want to go to the reset?" You're saying, "Well, what is it?" "Can't tell you." "What's the itinerary?" "Can't tell you." "What will we go through?" "Can't tell you." So hang on a minute. You can't tell me anything, and this guy I think is a con man, and you want me to go? All right, screw it. I'll go, pretty much. And now you're saying that was the thing that you feel really just changed your life.
Paul 6:04
And I don't use that lightly. I just want to reiterate that, like, those four days opened me up like I'd never been open before, and then put me back together.
Tim Matthews 6:18
It's an incredible process. Did you say you volunteered?
Lawrence 6:22
Not on Paul's... I would echo what Paul's saying. I think, you know, I used to be in the army. I've been to war; I've faced that sort of thing. And the reset for me was transformational in terms of, you know, it was probably, I suppose, the work there is emotional rather than physical. But when you're in that place, facing your emotions, I think that was more scary for me than having to go to battle. I think it was a powerful process that you go through there, and it changed my life too. You know, I don't want to over-egg it because I'm not employed by TPM or anything, but it genuinely changed my life and continues to do so through the Brotherhood.
Tim Matthews 7:19
You guys now know why we can't tell you what happens. It now makes sense. I don't think you would have shown up, seriously. I don't think you would have, if we would have told you what we're going to do there, I think you would have said, "You know what? No way. That is not for me. I don't need that."
And I think as business leaders, which you guys both are, control, right? We need control. We need certainty. We need to know what's going on. We are in control of our lives, and a big piece of not telling you guys is the beginning of you giving up control. We don't tell you, as you move through the process, what's going to happen day to day. It's very much a moment-to-moment letting go of control. But I do think if we told people beforehand what happens, they wouldn't show up.
Lawrence 8:09
No, you just got to trust the process. To the credit of everyone involved, they do create a safe space to do that in when you get there. So it is a safe place to do that, to open up. But I wouldn't have turned up if you'd have told me. Not a chance.
Tim Matthews 8:30
But I'm so glad I did.
Paul 8:34
I mean, I remember thinking before I went to the reset, I needed a head shift, like something needed to change in my life. It was a head shift that I was after; it was a heart shift I got.
Tim Matthews 8:47
Oh, for sure, right? That's for sure the case. And people often talk about mindset, but heart-set is way more important than mindset. The heart-set gives the foundation for the mindset. Now, mindset without the right heart-set is going to be nowhere near as effective as the mind being fueled by the heart. It's huge. So, Jigsaw? How'd you get the name Jigsaw?
Paul 9:19
It came to me on the reset on the last day, and it came into my mind twice: Jigsaw, piece of the puzzle. And it's turned out that one of the pieces was for somebody else, and that's me stepping into coaching. That's what I'm here for.
Tim Matthews 9:49
Do you mean to help others?
Paul 9:51
Of service, okay. Give a piece of the puzzle back to others.
Tim Matthews 9:55
Oh, nice. Did the guys nickname you Jigsaw at the reset? Did you nickname yourself?
Paul 10:01
No, they nicknamed me.
Tim Matthews 10:02
Because that's usually, I'm giving a little bit too much away right now, but I love how all you guys get a name when you come through. It's so cool. And a name given by the other men based on how they've seen you, I think it's so powerful, beautiful. So they saw this. How did they describe it when they gave you the name? Do you remember why they said they called you that, or why they named you Jigsaw?
Paul 10:26
It's just such a powerful anchor, isn't it? Back to a moment that happens in the reset for all of us. That's where the nickname comes, right? It's an anchor back to that special little moment where something clicks or something happens internally or externally.
Tim Matthews 10:48
And Wildcard?
Lawrence 10:51
So my original nickname at the reset, again, as you say, the other guys on the reset sit down on the last night and go through and, you know, come up with an appropriate name for you. And my initial one was "Incoming," as in an incoming artillery shell. And this was all tied up with my lack of, before the reset, I'd been very sort of stayed and suppressed myself a bit and didn't want to initiate things.
So my initiation and that "Incoming" was kind of like, when he gets back, he's going to be like an incoming shell, an artillery shell landing. But since then, I've been to a Rising, which is later on in the process, an entirely different process that goes on there. But at the end of that, there's an opportunity where the guys sit around again and upgrade your name. You know, "Where are you now?"
And I had just let go of everything on that, on the reset. I just dumped all of the baggage. I was in a state of transition when I arrived at the Rising. Part of the reason why I chose to go on it at that point was I just let go of everything. So, they would have called me "Cowboy" because of the cowboy hat I bought, which they say is where all my power came from. But there's already somebody called Cowboy. So I got "Wildcard." Nice, because I just let go of everything.
Paul 12:26
That's awesome.
Tim Matthews 12:26
How do you feel when you think of the, like, imagine being called "Wildcard," or say it to yourself. Like, what feelings come over you?
Lawrence 12:36
It's interesting because I was thinking on the way here about my perception of myself, and that reminded me of the alter ego work that I'd done. Where before I hadn't really gelled with the alter ego work, you know, taking on an alter ego because it felt to me like putting on a cloak, putting on something external, until I spoke to my coach. We were talking with Mark Smith, and he was saying it's not about that; it's about pulling something out from within you, an aspect of yourself, and bringing that out to the forefront.
And so I created an alter ego. "The Colonel" was one of my alter egos, and "Wildcard." The nicknames feel very much like a bit of an alter ego, like that kind of, there's an element of me that is wild, you know, that I've been suppressed for a long time, and that is now free to experience life on my own terms. And so it feels really good to say it. And without giving too much away, there's a little memento that you get at the Rising which has got it on it, and it makes me smile deeply inside when I see that.
Tim Matthews 13:51
Beautiful. Love how you described it, Paul, like anchoring. That's the whole point; it's supposed to be anchoring to a point in time. I love it.
So I'm just thinking about these guys that are listening to this, and obviously we're not going to give too much away about the Reset and that experience that you had around with Ryan. "And what can you tell me?" "No." "Well, what about this?" "No." "What about..." "No."
What advice would you give to somebody who's listening to this and is resonating with where you were, right? I think you said that you felt in a dark place, right? Very alone. I'm certain it was myself that had the first conversation with you when you came into TPM. I remember that conversation; we had a few conversations, actually. And I know it was a big leap of faith for you to get into The Activation Method. I love what you said earlier about the program, looking back, because you didn't save your marriage: the program didn't fail you; you failed the program. In fact, let me just linger on that point. What did you mean by that? I can guess, but you and I haven't spoken about this. What did you mean by that?
Paul 15:11
I wasn't ready to accept who I was. I wasn't ready to acknowledge who I was. The weight of responsibility, the grief that I was feeling about losing control, losing control of the relationship, it was like my identity got shattered.
Tim Matthews 15:44
Okay. And so, are you saying that because you weren't ready to take ownership of who you were, therefore you didn't apply things in the way that you could have done? Like, help me understand.
Paul 16:01
I wasn't quite ready for Step One. It was the right thing to go through; it started the ball rolling. It created questions like: Who am I? What's going on for me? Why am I like this? I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought I was broken, like I was the only one. It felt so lonely, and to kind of come into an experience with other guys who were saying the same kind of things, feeling the same kind of way, losing control in their own marriages, it gave me a sense of belonging.
Tim Matthews 16:46
And how soon after going through The Activation Method did you and your then-wife separate?
Paul 16:58
Within months. It was probably, I left it too late in hindsight, really. I wasn't listening to what she was saying.
Tim Matthews 17:09
Really? What kind of things was she saying to you that you don't think you heard?
Paul 17:18
She just kept saying, like, "I've been telling you for months, years. Didn't you hear it?" It's the way I said it. It's like, no, it's completely naive. I thought I could fix my way out of it, intellectualize it.
Tim Matthews 17:34
What did she say she'd been saying?
Doug Holt 17:43
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Paul 18:37
It was probably that I needed some kind of help. That's what I feel like she was saying.
Tim Matthews 18:45
And did she say it like that? No? Okay. Do you remember what she was saying? I'm just thinking about guys listening to this and wanting to try and pinpoint something that they might be hearing in their own life, or that might be being said in their own life that they might not be hearing. If they hear it from you, maybe they're able to go, "Oh, crap. I'm hearing that too. I need to listen."
Paul 19:16
It was stuff like, "Maybe we should go see somebody."
Tim Matthews 19:19
I think that's a common one guys hear, right? And the guy often resists it so, so often, right? Or sometimes with the guys that come into the movement, they try and go see someone together, but because the guy hasn't done the work on himself, he's not able to really make that work because he just gets stuck in his loop of defensiveness. Right?
And that's where I see a lot of the marriage counseling and therapy not really work for the couple. Because for the guy, and I'm sure that the woman plays a part in this too, but because the guy hasn't learned for himself what's going on beneath the surface for him, he internalizes lots of things, drops into shame, gets defensive, and he's deactivated, right? So he's on his heels and all the things that go with it.
Lawrence 20:12
I think people, certainly me, you know, went to marriage counseling. And marriage counseling seemed to bring up all the stuff from the past and open wounds but didn't really do anything to heal them. And I think that's the kind of work that we needed to do in those sessions, or after those sessions, would be to really get to the root of those issues and not just uncover them, but rip the roots out and do the repair that was needed.
I think often that marriage counseling doesn't do that, either because the man's not ready, or for the woman maybe not ready, or whatever the reason. But I think this work helps you to open up to your part in that and take, as Doug would say, radical responsibility for it. You know, you've got what you've got because you've allowed that; you've either created it or you've allowed it. And being able to see that clearly, I think, is not something that comes straight out of a marriage counseling session, but it does come out of an Alpha Reset, for instance.
Tim Matthews 21:13
I agree. So you heard, "Maybe we should go see someone." When she said that, one, how did you respond? And two, what did you think she was saying?
Paul 21:26
That I wasn't enough.
Tim Matthews 21:29
How did you respond?
Paul 21:30
I would have just gone completely into "DARE", defend, excuse, intellectualize it. Try and solve the problem. I don't fail. I can think my way out of this.
Tim Matthews 21:43
Okay, nice. What else were you hearing?
Paul 21:53
I wasn't listening. I can't tell you what I was hearing because I wasn't listening.
Tim Matthews 22:01
So just paint a picture of what it looked like back then.
Paul 22:06
I feel like I was pretending. I was walking on eggshells. I wasn't the king of my own castle, exactly like the TPM marketing. That was me, classic.
Tim Matthews 22:27
You say when you weren't listening, what was going on? Were you spending more time at work? Were you drinking? Were you pursuing fitness more? Were you doing all of it?
Paul 22:40
Pursuing work more, then I threw myself into fitness, Ironman, long distance, trying to prove to her. In hindsight, I was trying to prove to her that I was worth something. That "Look at me, I'm strong, I'm capable." I'm 100% classic.
Tim Matthews 22:59
And I guess you never won her approval that way, right?
Paul 23:04
It wasn't about any of that, was it? She wasn't interested in the destination. She was only interested in the journey, which she said to me, really, afterwards.
Tim Matthews 23:15
She said that afterwards, when you guys had split?
Paul 23:18
Oh, yeah. We’ve had, I’ve got nothing but love for Katie. And I've said to her before that I think that was the best decision she's ever made, was to hold on. Because, um, I'd lost myself in the process.
Tim Matthews 23:52
And that point about her words were, "I'm not interested in a destination, it's the journey." I can guess, but what do you think she meant by that? Or what did she say she meant by that?
Paul 24:06
For me at that time, it wasn't about the material. It wasn't about the holidays; wasn't about the money. She just wanted me, the guy she'd fallen in love with. That's what she wanted, and I'd forgotten myself.
Tim Matthews 24:27
Amelia said something to me once. You guys may have heard me say this before, but I'll never forget it. She's like, "Tim, you just don't get it. Guys like you, we're with you," meaning her and the wives. "We're with you in spite of your business." She's like, "You don't always like to be with a guy like you."
And when we were kind of getting together in the beginning, before we'd decided to really make a go of it, we were just kind of seeing each other every now and then, she's like, "Tim, I remember sitting down with my best friend and I said to her, I consciously was talking about whether or not I could be in a relationship with you because of your drive and you know how much you love what you do and all that stuff." And she was saying, "Look, I'm really not sure that's something I can live with. Can I share it? Can I share it?"
And she made a conscious decision at that point, like, "Yes, I accept that piece of him." And she's with me in spite of the business. It's so easy as guys, we get fed this story that we've got to provide financially before emotionally, and that you're not a man if you don't have X, Y, Z. So we try and build things we can point at: a bank account, a house, a body; or buy things: a car, a watch, whatever it may be, as these symbols of success, these symbols of worth and validation. And as we do, we go, "Look! Look over there! See? See?" And she's like, "Where? Where am I looking? I don't see anything. I don't give a crap about that."
"What do you mean? I did this for us!" Which is a lie, by the way. The guy hasn't done it for "us." A piece of him has, but he's done it for himself to feel better about himself. And it's just false, right? And the thing that I love about Amelia is it wouldn't matter whether I had a pound in the bank or millions in the bank. She doesn't give a crap. She just wants me. She wants me to be happy. She just wants me to be happy, right? Whatever that means, whatever it is I'm doing, wherever it is I'm going.
I love that about her. And I remember a conversation we had a while ago, and it was around the topic of earning, me thinking I had to earn love because of how I grew up, right? I would earn love if I did a certain thing; if I did a certain thing, I had love taken away. My experience of it was that it was conditional. And it came up, I don't remember the specifics, but I remember my response to Amelia. I said, "What do you mean? You'd still love me if I didn't do X, Y, Z?" She’s like, "I still love you regardless of whether you did or had X, Y, Z."
And I couldn't wrap my head around it. It's like, "What do you mean?" She’s like, "What do you mean, 'What do I mean'?" I'm like, "Well, surely I need to do bum-bum-bum-bum-bum." She’s like, "No, you don't." And I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she would just love me for me, that I didn't have to earn it, that I didn't have to do anything. It was just this acceptance, and it blew my mind. It blew my worldview. Even now, when I think back to that time, it's just mind-blowing because my model of love and connection was one of, like I said, earning it. As I talk it through with you guys, it sounds a bit transactional, really, but it's so true. It's the journey versus the destination, right? She wants to be with the guy that she fell in love with. But so often in our pursuit of thinking that we need to provide a certain thing, we fall out of love with the guy that we once were, right? She stayed in love with the guy; we've fallen out of love with the guy, and ultimately she ends up following suit.
Lawrence 29:21
Yeah, the guy disappears. So what's she got left to love? When I was in the thick of my self-development and all that, I got a six-pack. You wouldn't know it now, but I got a six-pack for the first time in my life at 50 years old. I was so proud of myself. My wife back then could have cared less. She could have cared, like, not interested. She wants me to keep myself in good health, but that wasn't it. That wasn't it. She wanted me present. And that's really hard. When you find somebody who just accepts you for you unconditionally, no transaction required, it's really hard to take, really hard to accept.
Tim Matthews 30:10
She also made me question my model of the world. Like, hang on a minute, if I think that's what I have to do for you, like, I've got to earn love, am I making you earn my love? Like, am I setting things up so that the love I have for you is conditional? It really made me question things. And inevitably, I will have been, right? Because that's my model of the world. If I think those are the rules of the game and those are the rules I'm playing, and I'm in the game with other people, then unconsciously I'm making them abide by the same rules. But settling into the ideal of just not having to earn it...
Lawrence 30:56
So what would Amelia have to do to lose your love?
Tim Matthews 30:59
What would she have to do to lose my love? My... it'd be really hard for her to lose my love.
Lawrence 31:07
Because it's not a transactional love?
Tim Matthews 31:10
Yeah. There are certain things she'd probably have to do that would make it increasingly difficult to be in a relationship with her. But I don't know if she'd ever lose my love because of what we've been through. But it's one thing to still have love for her and another to be in an intimate relationship with her, right?
But the one thing that comes to mind the most is probably around respect. You know, if she treated me, consistently treated me, in a way that was disrespectful, and didn't really care, and didn't show any compassion... like, didn't really give a shit about that. Like, "Well, screw it, I'm going to treat you this way anyway." I'm not going to be sticking around for that. I'd try and work through it with her, for sure. And we've got a lot of history, so I'd give it some time, I'd imagine. But I wouldn't be okay with it. I wouldn't just be rolling over and being like, "Okay, this is the way it is."
Lawrence 32:24
So, did you see that study where they attached electrodes to men and women? They took on the role of these 150-odd responses of the body when a woman was told, "I love you," and they said the same thing to the man, and he didn't, they didn't get the same reaction. Have you seen that? No? And they didn't. The man couldn't get... so they started using different phrases. And the one that had the same reaction in a man that a woman had to "I love you" was about respect. "I respect you." Really. Interesting. It has a physiological effect. We need to feel respected.
Tim Matthews 33:03
I think respected and either appreciated or admired. Like, we want, I think men often want their wife or partner to be proud of them. Like, "Hey, look at my man. Look at what he's doing." That always lifts a guy up hugely.
Amelia brought something up to me the other week. She's like, "Have you heard that thing that guys are just like Labradors?" The dog, the Labrador. And I'm like, "What do you mean?" I could guess what she meant, right, when I just think of a Labrador. And she's like, "Well, if you just tell them how good they are, and pat them on their head, and, you know, feed them, play with them, they're just so happy, and they'll keep going back for more." And she's right. It really is that simple; men are incredibly simple creatures. Praise and appreciation, obviously, within that, there's a physical component, too, and if they're fed, they're good. It's so true. It's so true.
Lawrence 34:07
God, that's depressing. To boil us down...
Tim Matthews 34:09
I tried to fight it at first as well and be like, "No, we're really not. We are more complex than that. We are more sophisticated." And I just can't really fight it.
To your point, bringing it back to you, Paul, and your journey and this place where you were out of feeling lost and alone and not hearing the things that Katie was saying, her saying various things like "we need help", has she subsequently told you anything else? Has she said something since that has been a real lightbulb moment for you, that you think would be good for the guys listening who maybe are feeling similar to you? You know, they feel like they've lost control of the marriage, or are losing control, feeling alone. What else is there that you may have now found out that you might be able to pass on, a little jigsaw piece, to help impart some more awareness or wisdom for them?
Paul 35:21
There's nothing that stands out. I don't have any regret, and I don't beat myself up for being that version I was, because I didn't know any better. I just followed what my father had followed, and my grandfather had followed, what I thought was right, 100%. My big thing with that, I found, was internal validation going through the program.
Tim Matthews 35:57
What does she think of this version of you now? Because you're still friends with her?
Paul 36:01
Oh, yeah. This is a great question, because part of me wanted her to see this.
Tim Matthews 36:07
Kind of to prove to her, "Hey, see? You were wrong."
Paul 36:11
Maybe. "Can you see me? Just see me." But part of me also thinks that she might never see me, that she'll always remember a different version of me.
Tim Matthews 36:24
Oh, it's possible. Completely.
Paul 36:27
So I had to let go of that kind of wanting to be acknowledged, the pat on the head, little Labrador.
Tim Matthews 36:42
Much more sophisticated than that.
Paul 36:44
We like to overcomplicate things. Absolutely.
Tim Matthews 36:48
I think that's the human nature. So for both you guys, what advice would you give to somebody who is in this position, feeling a little stuck, a little lost, losing control? Could be in the marriage, could be of themselves, could be whatever. What's one piece of advice you'd give to them? A practical step?
Lawrence 37:09
I think I came into the movement looking to save my marriage and found out I needed to save myself. And so I think one practical step for a guy who's a bit lost or struggling: start a routine. Get into some kind of routine. Get up out of bed in the morning, go for a walk, go and spend some time with yourself. Get comfortable with yourself.
That's what I would say, because in those moments... and we do the ARS, the Alpha Rise and Shine kind of protocol, which is part of it, getting up and going out for a walk. I do that every morning with my Labrador. We go for a 45-minute or an hour-long walk, and I just get to spend some time with myself. No phone. Sometimes no phone, no scrolling. Sometimes nothing comes up and I just have a nice walk. Other times I'll be reflecting on something and I'll just feel a little bit more myself. Just spend some time with yourself and learn to love yourself. I think that's the first step for me. That was the first, just get on with it.
Tim Matthews 38:31
Love yourself. And Paul?
Paul 38:47
You can't do it alone. Whether that's reaching out to TPM, somebody else, a best friend, whatever that looks like for you. You can't do it alone. Lone-wolfing it is tough, and that just creates momentum. That one phone call can just make you go, "Oh, it's not only me."
Tim Matthews 39:20
I think the advice that I would give, I think you guys are spot on, is the routine. I love that, and the idea of not lone-wolfing it. Essentially, you can't see your own blind spots, right?
I think I would probably say: get over yourself. I know that sounds a little controversial. What I mean by that is, I think guys are so used to being able to fix problems, they're beating themselves up so much as to why they can't fix this. And it's okay. Stop trying to think that you have to fix everything and that you should be able to fix everything.
I think if they're able to let go of that and just surrender a little bit to it, that, "Hey, do you know what? I might not know how to fix it," or there might be this thing I'm lacking. It might just be a knowledge gap, right? It could be as simple as a knowledge gap; it could be a little bit broader than that, I don't know. But I think the guilt and the shame that a guy can put himself under because of the identity that "I'm a fixer, I fix problems, I can do this", it can just put him through unnecessary stress and prolong his journey. Because there's pride within that, right? There's pride in not wanting to ask for help. There's ego in thinking that I'm going to tough it out and I can do it all on my own.
I think the quicker a guy can put that aside, that's why I said "get over yourself", the quicker a guy can put that aside and ask for help and start a routine and be around other men, the easier it's going to be on him, and the easier it's going to be on everybody.
So guys, if you are interested in anything we do, The Activation Method, the Ascension Blueprint, go ahead. Speak to one of the advisors. Maybe it's for you; maybe it isn't. Either way, if this resonates, just get off the fence. Just do something. Like Doug always likes to say: at the moment of insight, take massive action. We'll see you next time on the TPM Show.