Episode #35
Do you feel like you’re perpetually tired & losing the passion from your life?
In this episode, Doug and Tim discuss the steps to overcome emptiness in life.
There are times when we feel empty, we lose passion, and no matter how hard we try, somehow the same pattern continues to play out.
The first step to overcome this is to become aware that you are in a cycle and accept it without judgment. Pause for a second and start considering why the same pattern keeps happening over and over again. Look at what’s going on with the life that’s causing you to feel empty. Write down what’s currently going on with your life and the actions that you are taking. Take a real inventory of your life and accept it.
The second step is to dive into the root of that emptiness. We should be aware of what has been the driving force & find the truth. Allowing us to be able to change it and rediscover the passion that we lost.
After finding the root, we should know what we really want our lives to look like. If you are not living the life you want, then take massive action and move forward in the direction you want to go. Do not waste your time living up to other people’s standards and expectations.
In this episode you will learn:
- The steps in overcoming emptiness
- Finding the root to make a change and solve the problem
- Breaking the pattern
- Living the life that you wanted to live
- How to rediscover your passion.
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Episode Transcript
Tim Matthews 0:00
It’s probably isn’t the answer that you want, the answer that the listener wants. But there is no quick fix. I don’t feel like there’s something I can give them right here right now that he can do because it’s a process. The first step is to accept that he’s feeling that way without judgment because it’s been the judgment of the situation causing him not to want to accept it.
Doug Holt 0:26
Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man show. I am your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host Tim, “The Powerful Man” Matthews. Tim, what’s going on, brother?
Tim Matthews 0:41
Yo, how are you doing?
Doug Holt 0:43
I’m doing well. You sound very chill, man. Very, very relaxed.
Tim Matthews 0:49
I am. I am obviously, what went down at the weekend, where I was. It was a profound experience that is always very enlightening. So yes, I’m very, very chilled.
Doug Holt 1:02
Absolutely. Well, that’s a great thing. That’s actually a great topic for us to talk about on another episode here. But today, Tim, I want to talk about a guy that I talked to recently got on a call with them was chatting and what came out, he was talking about just not having any passion for life, he was losing that zest that zeal, he was always tired, no energy didn’t want to get out of bed. He triggered him as he would find himself snapping at his kids for no reason. Right? The kids would spill something or drop something, and he would instantly snap right at them and yell at him. And of course, afterward, anybody that’s a parent knows, you look into a child’s eyes. You see, if you’ve hurt them, it just hurts you inside. And, of course, he made himself wrong for that understandably. And really, what’s going on is he was feeling empty inside. As he described it, he just felt like this, the sense of emptiness, right, just almost like a void inside of them. And he didn’t feel like a man. Right? You just felt like the shell of a person, but certainly not a man. And that’s where we’re coming into a conversation of when someone has no passion for life, and when they’re there find themselves feeling empty and not feeling manly. What is the next step for them? Where do they go from there?
Tim Matthews 2:27
Wow, where do they go from there? The plan you’ve just described? and answer your question in a moment. But it reminded me of a pattern that we speak to men a lot. And that’s the pattern where they get into it of shame, sabotage, and sedation. Because when they get in the way that you’ve just described, the people who love and then see the impact are that having on there, on them, in their life and on them as individuals, they feel ashamed. They feel ashamed of how they’re showing up how they’re acting, which then causes them to sabotage the business or the relationship or whatever it is. It’s hard to sabotage the things that mean the most to them. They then struggle to deal with those feelings of shame and sabotage it and side notes with social media, food, alcohol, whatever it is, to get away from the feelings. And what, what do you do in that situation as you ask him? Um, the first step in that situation is to become aware that you’re in the cycle, quite honestly. Because for so long we speak to so many men, Doug, and I know he’s speaking about who is in this position whereby it feels like a trap, doesn’t it? It feels like no matter how hard you try, no matter what you do, no matter what strategy or tactic or trick you use, somehow, the same pattern continues to play out and play out. And the first step for a lot of the guys is to realize that something is going on here, realize that it is a pattern playing out, and just pump the brakes for a second and start considering why it’s playing out.
Because the longer you want to continue to apply a strategy or a tactic or a trick to the surface level of this. For example, let’s take this particular person who wants to be able to enjoy time with his kids. And maybe the tactic and the strategy that he is using is that when he gets home at night, he will turn his phone off and keep his phone away so it can be present with his kids. And let’s say I try that. But all that’s happened all night is wrestling the urge to check his phone. So those trying to be present with his son or daughter or wife. Whether it just can’t be because it is your, those phones are where the panic and the overwhelm and the frustration that’s still there from the day’s activities haven’t gone away, and the phone might be aware. But underneath all of that is at the tip of the iceberg. The tip of the iceberg is the phone going aware. But beneath the surface, there are whole other things that are bubbling up that he has yet to deal with to actually get to the root of the problem and change it so that the anxiety overwhelms him. So it’s not even about the phone going in the draw. It’s about getting to the root of it, so you can then change it. And that’s when he’ll then be present for his kids and regain rediscover the passion for his life. Until it gets to the root of it, it’s just not going to happen. No tactic, no strategy, no trick is going to work. And the longer he tries those, the more frustrating and exhausting he will become.
Doug Holt 6:02
So I totally agree with Tim when we see these guys come through; I’m just gonna ask you the questions, and for the listener’s benefit, when you see that feeling, right, you wake up consistently as a man. And you start to question one, what is it to be a man. That’s a question that we address all the time, not only what it is to be a man, but what is it to be a powerful man? We wake up with that feeling of emptiness, that emptiness inside, right, then some urge to fill it. Of course, many men turn to, as you mentioned, sedation drugs, alcohol pornography to kind of fill this void inside them. Or some of the men that we deal with actually go out and buy toys, right? They’ll go out and buy the new car, and they’ll buy the jetski, the boat, etc. When a man wakes up, a man listening to this, it says crap, he’s talking about me, the right has something similar to them when he wakes up feeling empty day after day? What can he do right here right now? Or what are some of the next steps for him?
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Tim Matthews 8:00
What can you do right here, right now? It probably isn’t the answer that you want or the answer that the listener wants, but there is no quick fix. I don’t feel like there’s something I can give them right here right now that he can do because it’s a process. And the first step is for him to become aware of why he went to accept this feeling that was obviously the first step to accept it, without judgment, because it’s been the judgment of the situation that has caused him not to want to accept it. If I accept that I’m feeling empty and feeling less like a man, then I’m weak, then I’m this, and I’m that. And it’s in that judgment that then causes him to continue the pattern then. So the first step is to be able to accept it without judgment. And one of the things that you could do in that instance is to either surround yourself with other men that you can confide in, that have either been through something similar to you or are in a similar position to you. So you can accept it and realize that you’re not alone. And you’re not weak, and you are not whatever other story or name you want to attach to it. And once you accept it again, it’s the whole iceberg analogy that is absolutely key to getting to the root of what is going on beneath the surface. There’s causing you to feel empty, regardless of what it is that you are achieving. Or regardless of what you’ve got in your life. I was speaking to a guy today, in fact, and he was saying to me that he cannot receive no matter what he achieves in his life. It just doesn’t land for him.
And he shared this with his wife, and she’s like, yeah, like I tell you all the time, how much I love you. And I can see in your eyes that it just doesn’t register. It just doesn’t land with him. And that what he gets to be aware of and accept is an all-around double that’s about a belief system, when she tells him that she loves him, if it doesn’t land with him, that’s because of something that’s going on within him. That’s causing him not to be able to believe it or receive it. And until you get to the root of what those beliefs are and overcome them, and quite honestly, I don’t know anyone that’s been able to do that on their own. Because it’s your subconscious mind, isn’t it. And there are different tools, techniques, and practices that you can use to access that part of your mind. But usually, we’ve become brilliant, intelligent, protecting that part of ourselves. So if you try and do it on your own, it’s just a tough thing to do; you cannot see your own blind spots at the end of the day. So once you have accepted it, if you really do want to overcome it, in my opinion, you must get help from someone, some company, some program, whatever it is, whoever it is, that can take you into those places. I get to the root of what is really causing this. Otherwise, it’s forever going to be there.
Doug Holt 11:23
So true. Unfortunately, we see this so many times where a man will come to this realization, right? They’ll come to this realization that they’re empty. And they’ve snapped to their kids, maybe one time too many, well, one time is one time too many, right? But they’ve snapped at their wife, and maybe their wife is leaving the door. Their employees are consistently walking out right now. Because of the leadership or lack thereof, and they keep working on it themselves. And they end up the same place they are, if not worse, a year from today, right, time and time again. And we often see when we talk into these men, one question, Tim, that I think comes up over and over again, or at least question I asked over and over again, is “What do you want?” Right? “Is this the life that you want to live?” “Is this the life that you want to lead?” And if the answer is no, then you have to take massive friggin action, massive action, no matter what it is, to move forward in the direction you want to go. Don’t waste any time, don’t take any more time just ordering an audiobook and, and trying making the same pattern over and over again, end up in the same place. It’s time for a massive change. Tim, what are three things the guys can do right now? I say three things right now, but in the course of, let’s say, a week’s pause, you know me, I like to say when you have a decisive decision, or you have an insight and take immediate action to move forward. So what should they do right now?
Tim Matthews 13:04
I think you summed up really well; then I think there’s always an internal and an external approach isn’t the sort of the first stage is to come clean with yourself if this is resonating with you. My advice would be for you to take a moment to pause to stop to pump the brakes, and look at do I feel empty? Is this how I really feel what was going on in my life right now that’s causing me to feel this way. And just come clean with yourself, be real with yourself, journal, write down, take yourself off somewhere on your own, where you’re not going to be disturbed. And write down, come clean, just come clean with all the things, all how you are currently acting right now. What’s currently going on in your life right now that isn’t filling you up. If you want to take it a step further, you could grid, all of those things that have a fact one to five, all the actions that you do, and you do daily, people you interact with projects, you’re involved in your relationships, intimate and otherwise, what goes on there, take a real inventory of your life and those actions that you are taking, grab them on a one to five and anything that’s beneath really afar in my opinion, gets to be something that you really get to consider, well, why am I doing that? Are you self sacrificing here? Are your people-pleasing here? One of the most common patterns that we see in men when they come first come towards is that they’re a combination of a hustler and self-sacrifice, which kind of is the toughest place to be because, on one side of the spectrum, you’re pushing so hard to create something on the other side, you’re constantly sacrificing yourself as well, so your cup is empty. So the first thing to do will be to take inventory and really accept that. The second thing you then get to do is really come clean and start to dive into what was caused. What are the beliefs that are going on that have caused you to act in this way?
You can look at what you witnessed growing up. What did you witness within your home environment as to what it meant to be in a relationship or what it meant to be successful, what it meant to be a man who we surrounded by because ultimately, that is what you there modeled a lot of your world on, and start to become aware of what has been the driving force here. The third thing, once you’ve been able to become aware of those beliefs, and start to really question them, and shift them, is to ask yourself what you won’t really get clear on what it is you actually want those, that inventory that you’ve taken if you’ve got any fours and fives in there, how can you have a lot more fours and fives, people projects, places what is it that you really want your life to look like? And get that down? And this isn’t by living up to anyone else’s standards. This isn’t what you think you should have or who you think you should be. This is all about what you want. And really permitting yourself to accept that whatever you want is good enough. If you do, you might not want to be a millionaire. And that’s okay. You don’t have to be a millionaire. You might want to be a millionaire. Awesome. That’s okay, too. But whatever is true for you, then accept that on it, because that’s where you’re gonna find your greatest happiness and your greatest fulfillment. And also, life’s gonna be the easiest there as well. And that involves you not living up to other people’s standards and expectations, other people’s hopes and dreams that they may have for you. This is very much about doing it your way.
Doug Holt 16:44
I love it. I absolutely love it. Well, there you guys go straight from the mouth himself of Tim, “The Powerful Man” Matthews. Awesome stuff, brother. I always love hearing that. All right, guys, what to do. If you’re feeling this, or you’re feeling empty, or you’re just at a place where you’re just not feeling fulfilled, right? You don’t have that passion in you, that burning desire. I invite you, and I invite you to go over to the Facebook community. And the reason I invite you to do that is there are 1000s of other men just like you going through similar struggles, and I invite you to be a leader and take charge, post what you’re going through and share your journey. This also gives you a space to get more clarity if coaches are in there, and they’re happy to help you. It’s a free group. More importantly, if you get a sense of brotherhood, a sense of other men going on the journey, but you have to take the first step you have to post, you have to share. Don’t just be a voter or be someone sitting in the stands of your own life. So that’s my challenge to you guys. I hope to see Tim there, Tim. Great job today, another episode in the bank. Guys. We will see you next time.
