Reignite The Passion In Your Marriage

Episode #719

Are you struggling to reignite the passion in your marriage?

Do you find that the spark you once had has dimmed over time, leaving you feeling distant from your spouse?

In this episode, you’ll learn how to rekindle the spark in your marriage and build a deeper connection with your spouse.

You’ll also learn how to break free from the patterns that may be stifling the passion in your marriage.

We’ll explore the importance of keeping things fresh, staying curious about each other’s desires, and embracing a more intentional and playful approach to love and connection.

Also listen on:

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TRANSCRIPTION

Doug Holt  00:06

Hey, guys, welcome back to another episode of the Powerful Man Show. If you haven’t listened to the previous episode, you will see that we are in the TPM Ranch studio. So guys, go over to YouTube, check it out. We’re very happy for this, really. We’re thankful for the men that came here to build it out and make this space available.

So Tim, myself and other guests will be bringing on will be able to help give you guys more information so you can continue to live the best life possible. I know it sounds so cliché saying that. It’s weird, but guys, today we weren’t going to talk about is reigniting the passion in your marriage, the importance of that.

So for far too many people, Tim, we see this all the time, where men have just lost that love and feeling, as they say in the song. And when they were dating, things were great, having amazing sex. The passion was there. The conversations were interesting. They were fun, vibrant, light. And then over time, they just got busy. Work got in the way. A lot of men would say it was like a checkbox. I got married. Cool, that’s done. Let me go focus on being a provider or kids, right?

When you get kids, it’s just that takes a lot of energy and a lot of time, especially if you have young kids, right. You lose that. Well, one, you lose sleep, but it’s hard because the mother — usually the women will talk about being overwhelmed, like overwhelmed as a mom, having kids hanging off of them. And then the man just is like, hey, I want to be intimate as we normally are. And she’s just like, ahh, she doesn’t communicate it typically, but she may feel like she’s got kids hanging on her, so the last thing she wants is a man hanging on her at that time.

So anyway, as that progresses, what tends to happen is you’re lying next to your wife and the scene is you’re six inches physically apart, but you feel 6 miles away. You feel so distant from this now stranger lying in your bed. And a lot of men will say they feel like a stranger in their own home. So let’s talk about how to reignite that passion back in the marriage.

Tim Matthews  02:33

Yeah, great one. I mean, we hear it a lot from the guys, right? And there’s many things that come to mind for me around this, but one of the key ones is the guys have stopped living passionately outside of the marriage, right? They’ve stopped doing things that are passionate well, stopped doing things they’re passionate about. They often talk about if they had any time off from work, they don’t know what to do with it, right? They’ve lost touch with their hobbies, they’ve typically lost touch with their friends, and all they tend to do is work. And they get a lot of their needs met through work, be it the need for significance, the need for certainty, uncertainty, connection.

So they go and spend more time there and as a result, they often show up at home without anything to give because they’re not giving anything to themselves. They’ve stopped working out. They’ve stopped we talk a lot about filling a cup, right? I love seeing the guys in the community who take themselves on these dates. They just date themselves, which may sound a little bit strange.

Doug Holt  03:35

Sounds weird.

Tim Matthews  03:36

It might even be just going to the cinema on their own, right? It may even be just I think one guy takes himself off in his campervan for a weekend, right? Whatever it may be, just to connect to themselves and do something for themselves. That’s fun, that’s playful, that’s light, because at the end of the day, when we all feel good, it’s much easier to bring that playful energy back to the marriage.

 And quite frankly, that’s most likely the energy that you were in prior to the relationship and definitely the energy that we hear guys talk to us about prior to the marriage, right? They were in this position where they were SMV. We’ve spoken about it before, sexual market value. They were working out, they were dressing well, they were taking care of themselves. Why? Because they were out there in the marketplace, the sexual marketplace, wanting to meet a partner.

And then they meet somebody and they get complacent and they stop doing the things that they previously did that made them feel good, that made them be this confident, a little bit cocky, a little bit playful. Interesting. A lot of the guys, when they stop the hobbies and they stop living this life of passion, they become a bit dull, quite frankly.

Doug Holt  04:52

They do. Chris Rock has got a great scene on this in his standup. Interrupt you for a second, but it came to mind is, and I always think about this when I talk to the guys and they talk about their life being boring or something along those lines, or marriage being monotonous, right? He’s got this great line and I’m going to ruin it. You never are supposed to repeat a stand up comedian’s jokes, right? You guys can look it up on YouTube. He’s got a great line where he says, you know, he’s, ah, you hear the same old thing over and over again. You know the way they’re going to drive, you know what they’re going to be doing. You’re like, Ah, just go get yourself kidnapped, have something interesting in your life.

Tim Matthews  05:28

Yeah.

Doug Holt  05:28

It’s hilarious. But this happens to so many guys in marriages, is they become so predictable. And for their wives, that’s not interesting. They do the same thing every time. They drive the same place to work. They’re so predictable that there’s no mystery left in the marriage. And you can’t have passion without mystery, with intrigue, right? You need those ingredients. It’s like baking a cake.

We talk about this a lot, this analogy, because the guys get it and it lands. If you want to bake a cake, there’s certain ingredients you have to have in the cake. If you take out the eggs and all the sugar, and, yes, you can make all these alternative cakes. But let’s just talk about a real cake here for a second, right? We all know what a real cake tastes versus, like, a keto cake or whatever. A real friggin cake.

You take out the key ingredients. You can’t bake it, right? Or if you turn the oven to 350, you put the pan in with the flour, you take it out, and then you put the eggs on. You’re mixing the ingredients incorrectly. That’s what so many men do, and they lose it. And I know for me, Tim, when I first got married, I thought, okay, cool. Check. Literally, it wasn’t like a literal thought, but I look back at this retrospectively. I checked that box, right?

Now I could focus. Now my wife would understand that I was committed, and now I could focus on building the empire, so to speak, and then building our family, and, of course, providing for our family, providing for all her wants and desires that we talked about in those late nights lying in bed or in the hot tub or while traveling.

And then when we get caught up in that mode, like you’re talking about, it becomes routine, right? And we get stuck. Everybody gets stuck. And when you get stuck, the passion starts to go away. I remember distinctly, I was walking through the national forest or the woods. What do you call the national forest in the UK? It’s similar.

Tim Matthews  07:21

Well, there’s areas where it’s called the national forest.

Doug Holt  07:23

Well, there you go.

Tim Matthews  07:24

Makes it easy.

Doug Holt  07:25

So I was walking to the national forest. I distinctly remember having this conversation with a guy, and he was talking about his wife and the way she is and what she wants and all of these things. And I said, how long you guys been married? He’s like, I was like, 13 years. Okay. Got it. So have you changed in 13 years?

Tim Matthews  07:46

I love this.

Doug Holt  07:47

And he’s like, well, yeah, obviously. I mean, yeah, I’ve changed a lot. And I go, okay, okay, have you changed in the last year? He’s like, oh, man. Been through The Activation Method. My whole world has changed. This guy was on fire, like every other area of his life. Here’s the problem. You don’t know who your wife is today. You’re still expecting her to be the woman she was 13 years ago. You still assume she has the same wants, the same desires, the same interests. That’s not the case. You can’t freeze your wife in time and expect her to be the same way, if you’re changing; you get to get to know what her desires are. What books is she reading?

I literally, because I’m a guy, I have it on our — we use teamwork for the Powerful Man. In that project management, I have something come up once a month, the recurring task for me to look at books my wife Erin is reading. And I go through and I’ll get summaries of them. Some I won’t be interested, but I’ll ask her about them at the dinner table or something like, oh, hey, I saw you reading this book, but tell me what it’s about and the interest levels.

And I’ll notice that her interests change just like mine do. They wane. And sometimes she’ll dive deep down a rabbit hole, just like I do on different topics. Right now, for me, it’s AI. As you know, I’m really into it, but hers is completely different. And what I’m saying is, guys, it allows you to find out what your wife is doing. It allows you to see what she’s doing, and you don’t have to be a guy like me and set in your project management so you remember, but I’m a dude, right? They don’t occur to me naturally, those thoughts, all the time. So I have to make it there.

It’s like putting up the bumpers when you’re in the bowling alley to keep the ball in the lane. And so what we want to do to your point, Tim, is you don’t want to be stagnant. You want to find out who your wife is today. If you have changed as a man, as a human, you don’t want the 21 year old version of yourself running your business, running your finances, sleeping with your wife, raising your children. Not that guy. That guy was out partying or doing what who knows what. You don’t also want to expect your wife to be the same woman that she was before kids, the same woman she was before you got married. She has changed, and she’s got new depths of herself. And so as men, as husbands, in this case, we get the opportunity, or it should fall on us as leaders to find out what those changes are.

Tim Matthews  10:05

Yeah, I think you make a great point, right? Because, yes, mystery is a key for passion, right? And at the same time, we say a lot about women wanting to be seen, heard and desired, right? So if you’re taking the time to set the recurring task in your project management and you are able to just tune in and have those conversations with her, it does make her feel seen, right? It shows her that you care. You’re not so self-absorbed, that you just neglect her and leave her to look after the kids or whatever it may be, because at the end of the day, she will no doubt want to grow as well, and she will have grown in various ways, whatever that may be. Amelia’s very similar to Erin in the sense that she grows in a very different way to me, a very different way.

I love to do various business growth, personal growth, whatever it may be, and she just isn’t into that. But I’ve chosen to learn to respect and be curious about the ways that she does like to grow, because that’s equally as important and interesting to her as it is as my growth is to me when I’m able to ask questions and get curious. I think getting curious is a key here.

Doug Holt  11:16

I agree.

Tim Matthews  11:17

I learn a lot as well. I learn a lot about her perspective and where she’s coming from and what’s going on for her in her world at that moment in time. And it’s incredibly insightful. And I think a key thing here as well is a mistake I see a lot of men make is they expect the wife to be grown in a similar way that they grow, and if the wife isn’t grown in a similar way, then, well, she’s not growing. And that’s not the case. That’s not the case whatsoever.

But when guys fall into the trap of looking at the wife’s growth through that lens, they can then become critical. And that’s the total opposite of being able to get more passion into the relationship. It’s going to kill passion in the relationship because she won’t feel seen or heard or desired, and she’ll close down understandably, because women grow through prayers, as we all know. So I think that curious frame is a really important one.

Doug Holt  12:16

Yeah, it is. And back to your point about Amelia, because I thought it was a really good one is we get to realize that people really enjoy and light up when you’re talking about something they’re interested in. Right? So if I want to connect with you, maybe I want to. Man, Tim seems a bit down today, or whatever I could jump on, read the latest news on Leeds football, right? And then chat about Leeds football with you, and you would light up and just ask questions. If I come with that reporter type thing, I know they’re not a real football team, but still the reporter attitude, you’re going to be passionate about talking about it and your cup becomes full talking about something you’re interested in. The same thing goes with your wife.

And unfortunately, what happens, and it makes sense there’s a time and place for this, guys, is for married men is it becomes like a report, like, okay, we got to take care of the kids, who’s got soccer, who’s got practice. I was doing this with my wife, like my son’s in a new soccer camp and okay, when is it’s? Wednesday. It’s Wednesday at 03:30. Cool, I got it. I’ll go there. What’s the coach’s information? Because I want to coach, too. I’ll help him out because I coach soccer. So you get into this like managing the family or managing the home attitude, but what we lose is the other side of that coin, right, where you get to remember that we get to date.

Everybody listening to this knows they’re supposed to date their wife. That’s not a mystery. That’s not like this secret that we have. We all know that we should do it, yet we don’t, right? Off more often than not, men don’t do it. They don’t plan the date. They don’t plan the date night. Maybe their wife schedules something in like, hey, I’ve got tickets to this concert, or whatever it is. But as men, as the leaders, we get to plan the actual date night. We get to plan the connection time. And it’s not all about sex, guys. And I know the guys listening to this, they want more sex, potentially, but they want passionate, right? They want intimate sex where their wife is desiring them equally. And here’s the secret, guys. Most women, as you know, Tim, most women have the same sexual desires as their husbands. They just may not be having that sexual desire for you right now.

And I share that with you not to make you upset, but to really drive home the fact that your wife is having these desires too. She’s waiting for you to call her forward to lead. And there’s certain things that just get to be done within the marriage to allow that to happen. Now I get it. There’s seasons for everything. You got a new baby. It’s going to be a little tough. You have a job, transition a little tough. But at least sit down and talk to her about the realities of your situation, your life, so that you can do this together.

Don’t make assumptions that your wife knows what this is going to look like, right? I know you and Amelia are planning on you got a sprinter van. You’re going to be traveling, and I know you communicate this effortlessly, but I’m going to use you as an example of what not to do. Maybe you make an assumption like, hey, I’m going to work a few days. This is what work is going to look like. I’ll be able to pull it off.

Well, Amelia might have a totally different vision of the romantic aspect of this journey you’re about to take. And if that’s not communicated and also given some wiggle room, right, that becomes problems because when expectations aren’t set and or not achieved, that’s when people get upset. They get upset because they had an expectation in their head of what was going to happen.

 And when that doesn’t happen, problems arise. And that’s how resentment just builds up over time and when you look at marriages, that when I look at marriages because I’ve been able to talk to, and so have you, thousands and thousands of businessmen who are married of what’s going on in their relationship. So we have a big data pool what’s going on. When they lose passion, really, they just go into a businessman’s mindset. They have board meetings at home rather than talks with their wife.

And maybe even changing the paradigm. As I say this out loud, what’s coming to me is instead of meeting with your wife about finances, meet with your lover about finances. How would you talk to your lover about date night versus your wife? What if you changed that paradigm and that you started calling your wife in your own mind’s eye, your lover? Would that change things? Would that make things softer? Would it make you want to approach it in a different way than you would talking about the shoes that she bought off Amazon or Zappa or whatever else it is that went against the budget? If that was your lover, how would you approach that?

I think those slight paradigm shifts that we’re talking about make all the difference. Kind of like a golf swing. I know I’m rambling on here, but kind of like a golf swing where you have a golf instructor and one degree difference of hitting the club face to the ball changes the total trajectory of that ball. Whether you’re going to slice it or you’re going to go down the fairway, that little small change, just like these paradigm changes make a huge difference in a man’s life, in a marriage coming through, and especially if you find yourself in a passionless one.

Tim Matthews  17:23

Yeah, I love that. I love that slight shift. It got me thinking when you said that point. I think guys listening to this, if you were to just take inventory of the conversations you’ve had with your wife over the past week, if you were to roughly give a percentage versus two of those conversations, how many of them have been logistical versus, let’s just say, emotional? Right? The likelihood is you will find, I would guess, at least 90% to 95% of the conversations the guys have are logistical to your point. Who’s going to take the kids here? Who’s going to take them there? Have you paid this bill? Have you done that? Are you going to take the trash out?

And a week goes by and there’d just be no set time to connect at all. And everything then just becomes kind of transactional, and it can become transactional, not tip for tat, but transactional and not relational. If you think about when you got together with your wife, the likelihood is it would have been the inverse. It would have been 90% to 95% of the conversations would have been emotional.

As you were curious about getting to know this new person, as you were seeing her through a certain lens and with a certain paradigm, and there would have been 5% logistical, right? Because you would have taken care of date night. You would have taken a risk of planning something and putting it out there and just doing it, taking some imperfect action. Right? But as time goes by and maybe the guys get rejected, be it through initiating sex, and the wife says no, or put an idea out there and the wife gives some pushback, we’ve spoken a lot about shit tests. You’re going to get shit tests.

Doug Holt  19:06

Oh, yeah, right. That’s a good thing.

Tim Matthews  19:08

It’s a great thing, right. So expect it. But I think guys misinterpret those and see that pushback as a bad thing, and as a result, they kind of cower and become passive and stop taking the lead and stop taking the initiative. And to your point, when you see your wife through that lens of lover and not wife, The Alpha Reset, not to go back to that too much, but we talk about the energy you give out, right?

The lens that you see your wife through and the frame that you take, the curious frame and the conversations you engage in, if you combine those things with being intentional about the energy you give out to your wife, be it sending her love or smiling at her or whatever it may be. I got a message from one of the guys this morning who just left the reset saying, oh, my God, this is real. I’ve had three instances over the past 24 hours where people have come up to me and I’ve just sent them a certain energy, be it love or happiness or peace or whatever it may be, whatever he felt that person needed in the moment. We speak a lot about attunement, right, attune into the situation. He’s doing that.

So I think as well, if you were to begin to get a little bit intentional about what energy you’re giving your wife in these interactions, I think often guys can be very intentional about the energy they give the kids and how they show up for their kids and are they going to be happy and playful or whatever it may be. But then it’s very different. I don’t see them do it towards a wife as much. I’m just wondering, well, look, I know that if they actually became a little bit more intentional with that, myself included, I could be better at this. I could be better at this, giving Amelia more smiling a little bit more when we’re talking or just thinking about sending us some love or whatever it may be. Right? A scenario I could improve upon. I know whenever I do that, she always responds. It may not be immediately, but as I’m consistent with it, she responds. She softens, and it has an effect.

Doug Holt  21:15

Yeah, it does. What’s funny is, as you’re talking about this, so before we recorded this episode, Colton, who handles all our AV came up to me. He’s like, oh, man, I need this microphone jack adapter. And the TPM Ranch is eight minute drive, ten minute drive from my house. So I drove back to my house, and my wife was lying in bed with the kids and just kind of relaxing and went over there. The kids, you’ve seen my kids, daddy. They run, they jump, and they fight to kind of crawl on me, which is great, right? I love it.

I also knew, you know me, we were in a hurry because we had an 08:00. We had a start time. So I gave my wife a big hug and grabbed what I needed, and then she sent me a message on the way back of energy, just like, I love you. I just can’t wait to be with you. To which I replied, I can’t wait to come ravish you. And she said, yes, please.

And I share that only because I had to learn that, right? That’s on the other side of a passionless marriage, which I had at one point. And to turn it back around to where the passion is, where I just come into the house for a brief period of time and you’re able to create that intention and that energy, because it was definitely some anxiety for me, and I caught it right away because I was in a hurry. Colton needs something. Tim’s going to be ready. We have to do this. The whole mental plan of then I’m taking my wife out in a date later on today, I’m taking on her a date night.

And so I have this all going through my head, and then when I walk into that room and I see them there, I change my intent, go to CFO, right? Chief fund officer and lover. So I have the Chief Fund officer for the kids, but I also let my wife know that she’s desired, right? And I desire to be with her in a very primal way, if you will. And I get that reciprocated because we’re fostering that energy, and as men, as husbands, we get to foster that energy more often.

You used to say something I thought was really cool, where you said something to me one time, and I use it a lot. You were working with an intimacy coach. You and Amelia, and she asked you, Tim, when does sex begin? You’re like, well, as soon as it’s brought up, I’m in game on. And, you know, if sex is on Friday, I think it was the question, if sex is on Friday, when does it begin? You’re like, Well, Friday. And Amelia’s like, what has to start? It begins Monday. You’re like, oh, that’s a lot of work.

And I think we get to remember that we always get to keep our women’s engine on…

Tim Matthews  23:44

Big time.

Doug Holt  23:45

Right. All the time. And that doesn’t mean like, okay, it’s Monday, and this may start this way, guys, right? It’s Monday. And I want to have sex on Friday. So let me start but what if Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. You’re always keeping that engine going. Your woman, in my experience and talking to the men, will be ready Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and we’ll ravish you, right, because she wants it. Because you kept that engine rolling doesn’t mean you don’t screw up. You’re always constantly doing it and repairing.

And the other day, I had to do a version of the Hidden Motives Technique that we teach to the guys, because I told you about this. I didn’t sleep at all the night before. I just had a horrible night. One of those nights that you’re up all night, I was having stomach issues, which probably TMI, but I was just up all night. You and staying in the same house at The Ranch together. And my wife sent me a text about how much she loves me, but also something that was going on for her. I was just getting a cup of coffee, and I was like, yeah, I love you, too. Something like that.

And she’s like, well, you’re not acknowledging my feelings. I was like, well, wait a minute. So kind of a shit test in some ways, but because that I’m always fostering that. You come back, you clean it up, and you move on. What your woman wants, we talk about reigniting the passion. She wants you to be in her world. And the tips that we’re giving the guys are all about being more in her world. You obviously got to be in your own world, too, guys, but be in her world more.

So that is, finding the books that she’s interested. What is she interested in? What are her passions? What does she want on this stage of life and the next stage and going through those and really getting an idea of who she is? And you did that when you’re dating. It was so natural, because you’re curious when you’re dating. You want to find out more about this person. And we lose that along the way as men, as married men, and women do, too, to be fair.

But as the leaders of the home, it’s our job to reignite that passion. We get to be the gasoline put on the fire, right, for the grill. Your wife’s, the charcoal, she doesn’t light with a match. We get to be the gasoline or what the fire started, the igniter that you put on that bursts the flame, and the charcoal will keep burning if you keep doing that.

Tim Matthews  26:57

Yeah. And just to go back full circle, right? All starts with themselves. It sounds cliché, but they get to get curious with themselves.

Doug Holt  26:05

Yeah.

Tim Matthews  26:06

The men, what are their hobbies? What are their interests? They get to take the initiative and start booking those things for themselves or doing those things, whatever it may be, because it’ll be very difficult for them. To take a curious frame with the wife and take the lead with the wife with date nights and all the other things we’ve spoken about, if they’re not doing it for themselves as well.

Doug Holt  26:27

Yeah. You can do them both at the same time, though, right?

Tim Matthews  26:30

100%.

Doug Holt  26:31

You can do them both at the same time. And there’s seasons. I’ve been traveling for a couple of weeks. Colton and I were traveling around the US. Then I was back in New Hampshire. So I’m way out of my routine means right now and then two more weeks here at The Ranch with you. But I can still keep that spark going with my wife as I go through it, and I’ll slip back in my routines this coming week and going there and have that ability.

And you’re right. We talk about there’s five territories of the Powerful Man that we focus on in what I’ll call stage one. Right? So the first stage, it’s self, health, wealth, relationships, and business. We have self-first because it’s the oxygen mass thing. We don’t need to go into it. We’ve done a ton of podcasts on this already. But you’re 100% correct that guys need to get curious about themselves and, to Chris Rock’s point, maybe get their ass kidnapped and have something interesting happen in their life. Right?

You got to be interesting as a person who wants to lead a boring life, and a lot of guys get trapped in that. I have where it’s like, okay, I’ll make more money. I’ll build the business. Is that really that interesting? Because you get up again, you work again, you get up again, it’s Groundhogs Day. So you want to do more interesting things. There’s a reason we make all this money. We want to do something with this money, not just hold on to it because we’re scared. Right? You want to invest in yourself, and you and I have done that.

So for the guys, the call to action here, in my opinion, Tim, is right now is to plan a date night, right? So if you’re listening to this, this is what I want you to do. I want you to plan a date night, and around that date night, what I want you to do is have the topic of finding out each other’s desires. So what does this mean, guys?

Well, one is you ask your wife what her desires are. Two is you give her some examples of what yours are, and don’t make these all sexual. You can have a couple of sexual ones in there. It all depends on where your marriage is, right? If your marriage is where mine is, you can make them all sexual. But if it’s not, then break them up. Like, what does she desire? What does she want on this stage of life? What are her desires for the future, for herself, for the kids, for her career, for you guys as a couple? What are those desires and make that the topic of conversation.

If you get stuck, you can do what I’ve done many times. I have these little question cards, you can find them on Amazon. Table topics is one I’ve used. I’ve talked a lot in this show, but also there’s other ones and sometimes what I’ll do, this is an aside, is I’ll put that card because I get up earlier than my wife. I get up before four in the morning is I’ll put a card right by the coffee maker because I make the coffee in the morning and so there’d be a question on there. So when she gets up to get her cup, right, there’s a card right there with a question or a topic and that spurs creativity and conversation within the relationship. But you can get these and grab questions. In fact, we have a complete guide to the ultimate Date Night.

So if you want that guide guys, I don’t remember the URL. We’ll put it in the link below somewhere somebody will or you can email Vip@thepowerfulman.com, that’s a very important person, Vip@thepowerfulman.com and tell them you want the Date Night eBook that we have. And in there there’s a list of questions, icebreaker questions. And you can print those out, throw them on your phone if you can’t remember them. Go to the bathroom, look up a couple of the questions, walk back to the table and have that icebreaker and be curious and interested.

Tim Matthews  29:50

Yeah, I mean, there’s 52 ideas as well. One for every week.

Doug Holt  29:54

That’s right.

Tim Matthews  29:55

Yeah, I love that call to action. I think it’s a really good one. I’m going to take a slightly different tact and go back to the idea of just take inventory. Over the past week, what kind of conversations have you had with your wife? Have they been logistical in nature or have they been more emotive in nature where you’re going to be curious finding out about her? Because I think it’s really important for you to be able to get clear on where you are so it can really motivate you.

And I think you probably know the answer already, quite frankly. It’s not a tough question. But for you to break the habit you just have to you got to be having more to your point conversations where you get to know one another and you’re taking the frame of the lover and you’ve been curious. And second of all, what’s something that you have been wanting to do for yourself that you’ve been putting off? What is it?

I’m not talking about going to the gym, although that could be a good one. I’m talking about something that’s really going to get you out of your comfort zone and fill your cup. Maybe it’s a skydive, maybe it’s going for a hike, maybe it’s taking a trip with some friends, whatever it may be, because I invite you and encourage you to get that booked and get it done. Because when you do that, you’re going to experience level of joy and fullness that you can then bring back to your relationship.

So much easier to handle shit tests when you’re coming from a place of fullness. So much easier to bring that playfulness and that lightness back in as well when you’re experiencing more of it yourself. And I get it, you’re busy and you don’t have time and whatever other story is you’re telling yourself. But the reality is you’ve probably been telling yourself those stories for a while. My bet is if you to take an afternoon or a day, just one day to go and do one of these things, things wouldn’t burn down. I think things would still be there when you got back. But if I’m wrong, then you’ve got the problems, but just do it. Pull the trigger and go get something done.

Doug Holt  32:03

Anything else?

Tim Matthews  32:04

No. I think that’s it. I think we’ve dropped some really well shared some great insights with this and it’s a great topic.

Doug Holt  32:11

Yeah, I think it is. And I think guys need to get on this and get back into the realm. There’s so many guys that struggle with this issue of having a passionless marriage. It’s really a simple couple of steps to get them on the right track.

Tim Matthews  32:23

Yeah.

Doug Holt  32:24

Gentlemen, as always in the moment insight, take massive action. We’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man Show.

All right, guys, that’s a wrap for this episode. But as I always say in the moment of insight, take massive action. You see, there are two types of men that listen to a podcast like this, those that go on from one podcast or show to another just hoping things are going to change and realizing that they’re going to be in the same place month after month, year after year.

You see, I was this guy so I completely get it. You may just not be ready. But there’s also a second man, a second man that listens to a show just like this. And this is a guy who takes massive action so they can shorten the learning curve, compress time, and get RESULTS to be the WOLF. See, WOLF is an acronym for Wise, Open, Loving, and Fierce.

Now ask yourself, which one am I? And just be honest with yourself there. And there’s no judgment on my end. But if you’re ready to move from deactivated DEER mode, which is Defend, Excuse, Explain, and React to activated WOLF, Wise, Open, Loving and Fierce, then go over to thepowerfulman.com/grow. And go there now. In fact, I’ll make it super easy for you. I will even put the link right in the description here so you can just click it and go over there now to learn more. Guys, in the moment of insight, take massive action. Go from deactivated to activated, because like I said, life is too short for average and I’ll see you on the next episode!