Episode #878
Are you feeling like you’re losing respect at home—from your wife, your kids, or maybe even from yourself? You spend hours dialing in your financial game, but are you neglecting the relationships that matter most?
In this episode, I’m diving into a tough question a lot of men face: where did the respect go, and how are you going to get it back? I’m sharing why it’s just as important to invest in your marriage and relationships as it is to invest in your finances. You’ll hear the story of a guy who spent six months learning to day trade, yet rated his marriage a 6 out of 10. What does that tell us about priorities?
Here’s what you’ll learn:
- Why respect erodes when you avoid action in the key areas of life.
- The excuses men make when they dodge relationship work.
- Actionable steps to regain respect in your marriage, family, and life.
- How investing in relationships can bring more rewards than any financial gain.
It’s time to stop talking and start doing—because respect starts with you.
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Transcription
Doug Holt 0:00
And when you think about it, when you talk to somebody, their two biggest complaints most often, right, are going to be financial. They’ll talk about money—either they’re not making enough, or they need more money, or investments, or something along those lines. And they’ll start talking about money. And you know what? What’s really interesting is a lot of men will start researching finances. They’ll start researching investments. They’ll learn how to trade, right? They’ll learn about ETFs or other investment vehicles. But they don’t study the art of relationships.
Is respect important to you? I hear so many guys tell me how disrespected they feel inside of their own home by their wives and sometimes by their kids as well. Let me ask you a question: Who do you respect more? Do you respect the guy who is always talking about the business he’s going to start but just never takes any action? Or the guy who actually starts the business, flounders some, but is working his tail off? And who do you respect more? The guy who constantly tells you, “Yeah, I need to get in shape. Yeah, I want to lose weight or get more muscle,” or what have you, and is talking about this year after year? Or the guy who goes to the gym on a regular basis, the guy who changes his diet? Now maybe he’s not perfect, but he puts in the work. Which one do you respect more? Honestly, answer that question out loud.
Now, I know this is going to be pretty obvious because obviously, you respect the person who takes action. But where is this happening in your marriage? You know, if you’re losing respect from your wife and maybe your kids, my question is, are you taking action in that area of your life? Are you actually doing something to course correct? Because if you’re not, you’re going to be losing the respect in that area—your marriage or your relationships, whether it be with your kids, your friends, or your spouse. If you know those areas aren’t at least a seven or above, right, on a scale of one to 10, you rate it. How is your marriage? If it’s below a seven, you’ve got to do something about it. What about your kids? Below a seven? You’ve got to do something about it. Are your friends below a seven? Guess what? Again, you’ve got to do something about it because you know it’s there. And if you’re not doing something about this area of your life—relationships, which I think causes the most strife in anybody’s life, right?
You think about it in school. You know, I did one class on economics, right? So they talk about money for one class, but yet, money is one of the biggest problems people have—not just how to make money, but how to manage money, and how to invest money properly. That education isn’t as easy to find. You have home economics, you know, you have all kinds of other courses—woodshop, you know, we’re taking English classes. These are all great. Math and things. In fact, I was in the second level of calculus in school. I’ve never used any of that stuff, but one class that nobody taught me about was relationships. Not a single one, not even through the university system or any other schooling that I’ve done until I had to start searching—to find out information when my marriage was crumbling, right? That information just doesn’t exist, and it’s not taught to us. So we need to be proactive and take action in those areas.
And when you think about it, when you talk to somebody, their two biggest complaints, most often, right, are going to be financial. They’ll talk about money—either they’re not making enough, or they need more money, or investments, or something along those lines. And they’ll start talking about money. And you know what? What’s really interesting is a lot of men will start researching around finances. They’ll start researching investments. They’ll learn how to trade, right? They’ll learn about ETFs or other investment vehicles. But they don’t study the art of relationships.
In fact, I was at someone’s house just the other night. We were playing pool, and this individual was talking about how they were taking a class, a course in how to trade, right? This person was doing day trading, and the course they were going through was a six-month course, which was teaching him all about day trading and how he could get ahead. And he was very excited. I mean, very excited. He was telling me about it as we were shooting pool, and having a couple of drinks. And I started thinking about it as he was telling me. I was like, “Man, this guy’s already wealthy. He’s very wealthy.” The house is a $2.3 million house that they had. He had a lot of other investments. And here he was, spending six months of his time and his money, right? I didn’t ask him how much the course cost, but he spent capital on it. But more importantly, his time and resources. And here he was, excitingly talking to me about this course, and he has invested in it. I thought it was amazing. And then I asked him how his other relationships are, which is a weird question, but if you get to know me, I ask a lot of weird questions. When you’re having a drink, or shooting pool with the guys, I’ll ask questions like that because I’m just curious.
And he’s like, “Yeah, you know, my relationship with my kids is okay. You know, it could be better. My relationship with my wife—yeah, we’re not in a horrible spot, but you know, it’s not as good as it’s been in the past.” I go, “Hey, give me a scale of one to 10. How are you guys doing today?” He’s like, “Honestly, man, six. We’re doing six.” And then he went on to talk about this trading program, right, that he’s invested in.
And I can’t help but sit there and think, “Man, here he is telling me that his marriage is about a six right now, yet he’s not investing any time or resources into bettering his relationship with his kids, right?” You only get one shot at this with kids. That’s one thing that, working with thousands of men, I hear over and over again. You know, because I have young kids. My kids are four and seven right now. I hear it time and time again: “Doug, this is such a great age, man. It goes so fast.” Now, we’ve all heard that. I heard that before I had kids. But what I’m doing is being smart about it and actually taking time to spend with the kids.
In fact, if you go to my social media accounts, I wasn’t on Facebook for over a year. Not that that’s a big deal, but I was spending more time being in the moment than taking pictures of the moment and capturing them, right? I just wanted to be so present with them. And I share that with you because we look at this idea of respect, right? This idea—like the guy I was shooting pool with—I had tons of respect for him. And if he’s listening to this podcast, you know, “Hey buddy, good game the other night.” But the truth is, what I’d love to see him do, where I’d have more respect for him, is if he finds an area of his life that isn’t working as well and if he takes massive action to course-correct, right?
And I’m not saying I’m disrespecting him, but I’m also saying that in his house, I know—because his wife and my wife are friends—that his wife has lost respect for him over the years because of things he’s done and things he says he’s going to improve but hasn’t. And this is what I’m coming to: Is respect important to you? It’s very important to me. So, if it’s important to you, are there areas in your life that you talk about getting better? Is it your relationship with your wife? Is it your sex life? Is it your health? Is it your wealth? Is it your business? Right? In any of those cases, why aren’t you taking action?
So, the guy I was playing pool with—it’s so easy for men to take a finance course, right? Because they can see an ROI, or the potential of an ROI, of getting that right return on your investment. But when you’re sitting in your rocking chair, right, you’re in your 80s, and you’re looking back at your life, what are you most proud of? Are you most proud of the financial investments that you made? Or are you most proud of the memories that you’ve created—the fun memories with your kids, the fun memories with your wife, the things you’ve done with friends?
In talking to older people, they almost always say it’s their relationships that are the most important thing they have. The view, right? Hindsight is 20/20, and when they’re looking at their life, it’s their relationships. And this is why it really—it doesn’t confuse me, but I can get frustrated with people when they don’t take action. We get men all the time talking to our advisors to see if the Powerful Man program, The Activation Method, is the right one for them, right? And out of those people that actually get on a call, very few actually take action. They have all kinds of excuses, right? “I don’t have enough time. It’s too expensive. I gotta check with my wife first.”
“Oh, what time of day is that? I can’t make that kind of time. Ooh, it’s too much of a time commitment.” All of the excuses that you would imagine. It’s the same excuses people make when they buy anything, right? Or they make any kind of purchase or any investment in time or capital. However, they can justify that time and capital in other things. Yet, for most of us, our relationships are the most important thing to us. They’re the absolute most important. Yet, if you’re not investing that time and your resources into bettering your relationships, then you’re missing out.
You’re missing out on the opportunity to garner and gain the respect of those around you because you’re improving yourself and you’re improving your relationships. And that’s where it gets critical. So if you’re losing respect in your family life, and you’re not doing something about it, or if you are doing something chronic—like, let’s say you have a drinking problem or a gambling problem or a pornography problem or a sexual addiction or whatever that is—address those issues. Take massive action in that direction, right? Address those issues. Get a specialist who can help you with that, so you can shorten the learning curve live the life you do, and garner the respect—first for yourself—and then you’ll actually get the respect of others.
But if it’s in the area of relationships, right? We talk about five territories at The Powerful Man: self, health, wealth, relationships, and business. Men will usually seek out guidance in almost all the other four territories. But for some reason, we guys have this stopping point when it comes to learning how to effectively be in relationships. And because of that, men that take action—they’re extremely noticeable, right? Not only noticeable by other men, but noticeable by their wives and other women. And guys, that’s a great place to be.
I hear these stories all the time. And look, don’t take my word for it. If you want to just hear some of those stories, we have hundreds of these stories. Go over to thepowerfulman.com. I think it’s the results section. Just look at the About page or something like that. Somebody else handles all of that. But if you go there, there are going to be hundreds of these stories of men who are telling you just what I’m telling you. They’ve lived it out, though, and I want you to do it too. I want you to have that respect for yourself, first and foremost, but also garner the respect of other people because you’re a man of action—not a guy who just talks a game. Talks about, “Hey, someday I’m going to do these things. Someday, I’m going to do that.” No—be a man of action.
So take some massive action. Get on a call with one of our advisors if you want to find out about The Activation Method. If it’s for relationships, for you, if you need help in another area of your life—like I said, if you have another problem with drinking or something else, go online, and find a specialist who can help you today. You deserve the respect—first and foremost, for yourself, but also the respect of your loved ones.
