Episode #576
When you’re looking to make a big change in your life, one of the easiest traps to fall into is to use your individuality as an excuse:
“Sure, that may have worked for you, but I’m different…”
So, how do you stop making those excuses?
Everybody’s situation and background are different. But you all have one thing in common – You want to be a better man.
When you notice that you’re feeling like a victim and when you start making excuses, filter your mind and start moving forward. Take your first step forward immediately. Sometimes your brain plays tricks on you. It makes you believe that all your justifications are true…when they are not.
As soon as you start making those excuses, trigger an immediate response. Do the first action that will move you in the direction that you wanted to go. Get optics on where you are, skip the excuses, figure out what you want, and move forward.
In this episode, we are going to talk about how to stop making excuses and start making fuel for your fire – to become the man you want to be.
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Transcription
Doug Holt 0:00
So whenever I hear myself start saying, Yeah, but it’s different for me because I live at the base of a mountain, right? I don’t live in the big city. I don’t live in Southern California anymore. So it’s different. It’s all a BS excuse. So as soon as that comes in, my marriage is different. My business situations are different, my kids’ situations are different. As soon as I start hearing that, Tim, I start immediately. I’ve got a filter in my brain going Alright, and I’m a victim. I’m making an excuse. It’s time to move forward.
Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man show. I am your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host Tim “The Powerful Man” Matthews. What’s going on, bro?
Tim Matthews 0:42
Yeah, I’m Great. Very well.
Doug Holt 0:44
Good. Good. You know, it’s funny Tim’s. I’m sure you’ve heard of this topic of altered egos or alter personas, or what have you. You know, one of the things that’s interesting about it is that a lot of times you have professional athletes with different names, right? Or actors, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, or somebody like that. And they have these like, kind of nicknames so they can take on a different persona at different aspects of their lives or throughout their lives. Do you ever walk through your life going, Tim, The Powerful Man, Matthews
Tim Matthews 1:16
No, I don’t, but I will.
Doug Holt 1:16
Yes, you should. I was like, Man, I’ve set you up. OK, as a powerful band. Yeah. Any man that embodies that or isn’t a quest, I should say, to embody that. They’re going to be knocking down walls and stepping through barriers what you do already, right? I mean, you know, you’re leading men all over the world. You know, we got hundreds of men in our program. It’s amazing to see. And so I wonder if a subconscious level would be a good kind of talk to you and I can have off-air if that ever comes into play. But anyway, I digress a little bit. So, Tim, the topic I want to talk about is talking to a guy. Just yesterday. Yeah, yesterday was like a long time ago to that right now in this conversation. But one of the things that came up in the conversation was a guy kind of threw up his hands and said, Look, my life’s different, Doug. Right. It’s different for me. Now, you and I have heard this, Tim, all the time. I get it, right. My life is different from your life’s. You listen to this, your life is different. Get it. But guess what? It’s not as different as you think. Right? It just isn’t as different as you think. And speak to 1000s of men over the years. There are so many common commonalities. What’s that?
Tim Matthews 2:45
Which episode do you want to choose from? We just hit play on number three to one how to stop making excuses. 315 the other, 214 get it done. There are so many times that guys tell us this right. And it’s so that I get where it comes from. And it’s just bullshit.
Doug Holt 3:11
That’s the end of this episode. Oh, God, I mean, I do it. Right. I’ve done it before where I’m like, Oh, you don’t understand. I’m running three companies. I’m traveling around the world leading seminars and things like that. I’ve got kids, two kids under three years old. You know you don’t understand how hard it is for me to stay in shape. That out of daBS. Like, we all do it. And it’s natural, and it’s fine. As long as you catch yourself doing it and then return to the reality that it’s not that different, right? It’s a choice. It’s choices that come through. Yes, yeah, Tim and I are very different. Tim lives. Well, right now you live in Anglesey, you know, in the UK. I live in the States. But we have very different but different upbringings, different lifestyles, but the things that hit both of us are very similar, right? The things that we were to apply them to, there’s not a lot of difference, right? Your struggles and my struggles as a man are pretty much the same. That’s why you and I can talk about our relationships with our partners. Right? I’m married, you have a very serious relationship, yet the struggles are the same.
Tim Matthews 4:26
Yep
Doug Holt 4:26
I’m older, better looking.
Tim Matthews 4:29
It’s kind of like in business. Yeah. Keep telling yourself stories. It’s kind of like in business, right? You know, sometimes when we’re on team meetings and every team again, a little bit stressed out, let’s say agitated about not achieving a certain goal or not being at some point a certain time. It’s like, guys, just relax. We’re not reinventing the wheel here. We’re not doing something that’s never been done. You know, we grow in an online Movement there’s been it’s not the first movement, we’re not sending a rocket to the moon for the first time, you know, just put into perspective that we’re doing something very easy. Yeah, it’s pushing ourselves a little bit to be better people and all that great stuff and step into who we are. Just have a little better perspective, guys. You know, it’s not the first time this has been done.
Doug Holt 5:24
Well, and that’s very true, right. And the other interesting thing is how this quest for identity, right, this quest for wanting to be individual indifferent, really comes as an excuse, right? It doesn’t come up with, well, I’m different. And that’s why things are kicking ass. And all of these things are going great. Yeah, it comes up, but it often comes up. I’m different. And therefore, I cannot do X, Y, and Z, right? I can’t do these things. And it comes from a place of doing more than being a place of doing the necessary things to get across the line, right, get to the other side of it. And that’s where the conversation, I think, becomes very interesting. And one that I’ve learned to adapt as a filter in my thought process. So whenever I hear myself, start saying, Yeah, but it’s different for me, because bah, bah, bah, right? is different for me, because I live, I live in the base of a mountain, right? I don’t live in the big city. I don’t live in Southern California anymore. So it’s different. My access to people that I used to have access to are different. That’s all BS. It’s all a BS excuse. So as soon as that comes in, my marriage is different. My business situations are different and my kids are in different situations. As soon as I start hearing that, Tim, I start immediately. I’ve got a filter in my brain to go, alright, I’m a victim, I’m making use, right, it’s time to move forward. And that is a trigger for me that I’ve created. And guys, you know, I’m going to explain this to you. Because I think, I think you’re probably like me, right? So you, like me, will use this as an excuse. This trigger is now for me to immediately take the first step, soon as I make that excuse. So it could be right, well, you don’t understand my situation, I got two little kids. So I can’t work out in the morning; it’s going to be too early, too loud for them, boom, trigger an immediate response, boom, running shoes outside, go. Right? Don’t think about it, do the first action to move you in the direction you want to go. Then as you’re running in this example, you can think about it, or maybe it’s your marriage, right? Boom, don’t you think about it, bam, I’m going to do something to move the needle significantly in my marriage. And think about it later because your brain is going to play tricks on you. And that’s how you got in the situation in the first place, and your brain is going to make you feel as if or think as if all these justifications are true when they’re not.
Tim Matthews 8:04
Minds, we have Napoleon Hill’s book, Think and Grow Rich. Yep. Much Shah. Most people have that. If you haven’t, then check it out—the great story behind how we came up with it. And you know, it’s so supplied by many of the world’s top people that believe in it. So one of the points in that mix is the power of a mastermind group, right. And that’s what it reminds me of because there’s a, there’s a fast way, there’s a slow way, the slow way is to try and catch your triggers on your own, which is always going to be an element of right, you’re always going to have to take responsibility. And you know, flex that muscle of awareness to realize when you tell yourself a story like this. And one of the other ways to set yourself up for success, make it easy, is to be intentional about who you support, surround yourself with, right? Because by default, if you’re around other people living in the way you want to live, maybe they’ve got kids, maybe they’re married, maybe they’ve got businesses, and they’re going out there. They are working out, and they are getting back in shape is very difficult for you to then lie right about your situation. Whereas if you’re on your own, in your neighborhood, you know, not around, or the businessmen are not around anyone that has what you want. It’s very easy then to just stay where you are and kind of lie to yourself, right? It’s very easy to let that story like you’re just saying, hey, you don’t get it. I’ve got kids, and I’m there. So it’s very easy to believe that because the chances are not disrespectful to the people around you. They’re probably doing the same thing. So then it becomes acceptable, right. Whereas putting yourself in a different environment is less acceptable?
Doug Holt 9:57
Yeah, you know, and frankly, I have an advantage. I’ve always had a coach in my corner. I’ve got great coaches and The Powerful Man that always you guys call me out in an instant. And that’s how this conversation happened for this gentleman, right? There’s guaranteed this guy’s a very high profile, extremely intelligent, successful. Businessman, right? I can guarantee you that if he says that to any of his colleagues, friends, associates. Oh, yeah, I see it. Get it because it’s true. But here’s the sticking point. Well, Doug, you just said it’s an excuse? What’s a true excuse? Right, just as I have young kids, so I can’t make noise in the house. That’s true, right? Kind of, or can I find something that? Yeah, I could do planks. There are all kinds of things I could do. Or I could see friggin throw on my running shoes and go outside where I can make noise. The thing is when you’re talking to your friends, and you’re talking to your colleagues, you’re listening to an audiobook, it’s not going to get pushed back, a trained coach, as I did with this guy, is going to allow them to see the truth. It’s like putting a mirror up. Here are about five other alternatives, you know, that are here. Which one of these could also be true? And he’s like, Whoa, that’s, you know, the guy was talking to like, that’s a good point. Like, he’s like, I didn’t see it. I was like, Dude, it’s no problem. And what we find him is, the smarter The man is a business owner, the more they are to make excuses. Yeah, because they can justify so much stuff because they’re so intelligent. Right? They started dating studies and science and, you know, I can give you 20 studies that show you that alcohol is horrible for you. And I give you 20 studies that say it’s amazing for you, right? You can find justifications for anything that you want in life, and the same thing happens to do with porn or, or anything else, you can think of. The point is, the habit to your point is having that third observer, community coach, whatever it may be for you, will allow you to break through this at a much faster rate.
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You know, we talked earlier about the Warren Buffett secret, right, the 25 five rule, guys, if you haven’t heard that episode, go back. There’s a worksheet for you there that you can do. But the point is that the whole idea is getting optics right and not making up excuses. And getting optics on where you are figuring out what it is you want, and then really pushing and moving forward. And that’s where I think we see some commonalities here, right, rather than us all being different, right? Everybody’s situation is different. Everybody’s backgrounds are different. That’s all fine and good, right? Everybody listening to this podcast is a commonality. You want to be a better man, right for yourself, your wife, your community, whatever it is, but you’re striving for better. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t be with us. Right? And I get that. And now the difference is how you stop making that as an excuse and start making that fuel for your fire to get what you want?
Tim Matthews 13:48
Yeah, good point, find me the conversation I had with a friend of mine this weekend. So about two weeks now, he’s not been running. And this comes off the back of him running every day for 100 days. Before that, he didn’t use to run. He will be an accountability group, essentially, because the rough few little habits down on a sheet gave me the sheet. And the commitment was to get a streak of 100 days. Right? So he would go running at 1 am if he hadn’t resumed that day, just so you could get sick, maintaining a streak, right? And be in alignment, if you will, with all these people in the group. Guess today 101, the group finishes, guess what stops running, then over the following 13 days as his habits stop, or the habit starts to creep in and before he knows he’s getting agitated again. I need to change this. I’ve just been feeling so great. Why am I not feeling so great? Like, Tim, you want to start a 100-day streak. And I said, Yes, I’ve started it with him today. But what I’m making is, is the accountability, right? Built-in that kind of environment that when he didn’t want to go for a run at 1 am, or midnight, whenever it was, he would still put his running shoes on and go for that run as if it was for care. Right, just so he could get the running because that run then strengthens that muscle of his identity and confidence, which he can then take into the following day. And he just is more decisive. He was a more follow-through, he was more productive, his relationships improved, everything leveled up because back to the point of the last episode, he figured out his five and put them into habits and put himself in a group, which made it easy for him to do it because everybody else in the group was doing it. His girlfriend wasn’t doing it safely. Now, if you just turn on his own, he gets to one of the avenues with her, and she will don’t bother doing it. You know, it doesn’t matter. It’s only one day, and it’s easier to say, Ah, you know, yeah, you’re right. Just one day, I’m not going to bother doing it. But because he knows you’ve got the group time sitter, and he sees the text from those guys coming into the day. He’s like, Ah, no, I’m getting out there doing it. It’s huge—such an easier way to set yourself up for success.
Doug Holt 16:24
Yeah, accountability, We call it The Brotherhood, as well. It’s, it’s amazing. We talked about it in a previous podcast. It was the one we talked about the Warren Buffett secret at the beginning, we were just you, and I was just chatting about. I told the guys a couple of guys’ names, but guys in the inner circle, and how they’re making exponential gains, right, better than they ever thought was even possible. Right. And they were saying that the financial investment, look, these lot of these guys, they invest quite a bit of capital into this is minuscule compared to the results you’re getting, you’re, you’re essentially putting an accelerant on your goals like and nothing would accelerate because it’s like a catalyst right to get you started, but plus an accelerant Plus, you know, the community, and they’re going to be doing this for a year, right? One hundred days is amazing, by the way. But imagine having 100, almost four acts and seeing this. And I think it’s interesting for this guy, and he should know that he knows exactly what works for him, was that 100-day streak in that accountability. If I’m him, I’m going to double, triple quadruple 10x down on, you know, making sure I find some element of this in my life so I can keep progressing.
Tim Matthews 17:37
For sure. I mean, his business during that time has some breakthroughs in marketing. Coincidentally, right? He’s had other breakthroughs in his business, which have grown exponentially. And now you know that it’s time to take a little bit of a hit. He’s getting these eyes coming off the ball a little bit because he’s got busy versus productive in these past 14 days as you do huge.
Doug Holt 18:01
That is huge. You know everything has a ripple effect. Right? Every choice has a ripple effect. You are choosing to do something as a choice. Choosing not to do something is a choice. We often talk about choosing your heart, right? You know, it’s hard to go running. It’s hard not to be as this guy’s feeling because things sound like we were crumbling when he stopped running. Right? Choose your heart. Which hard are you going to do? If you run for this guy, his marketing increases, business increases, probably his relationship got better at that time. You know, because everybody knows when you’re exercising endorphins or relief, you feel sexier, bedtime, you know, sex increases all those things.
It was so calm and grounded during that time, as well remember talk is his business was taken off even more. I remember talking to him and thinking, Wow, he sounds so cool and calm and collected. And then obviously, 14 days later is feeling scattered. And it’s just I can’t explain enough that the contrast literally like night and day black and white was huge.
Awesome. Well, I’m going to ask you about your 100-day streak off the air. I forgot what you guys are up to in going through there. So jam for a guy sitting there going and again, the men that I’ve encountered, they don’t consciously say it. It’s usually in a conversation off the cuff. Well, you don’t understand my life’s different. Right. And I jokingly say I always ask sometimes I preface Look, and I get your life’s different. And let’s have a conversation about this. But to guide its thinking right now. Hey, Doug. Hey, Doug and Tim. I get all this, you know, I want to save my marriage or save my business. We do a lot of aspects of The Powerful Man. But my life is different. Right? You just don’t understand. It’s just different for me. What would you say?
Tim Matthews 19:51
Go and listen to episode number 84.
Doug Holt 19:54
That’s 84.
Tim Matthews 19:56
Yep. It’s not the location. Do you remember that one? I’m sure, Doug. So listen to that one. There’s a lot of others you could go and listen to as well. If you want to know, the point of listening to these guys is to get to the point of acceptance that, yeah, your life might be different and unique in many ways. And chances are the goals that you have and the things that you’ve committed to. So the first time somebody achieved them in your silho, in a similar position, right? It’s kind of like when people say, Well, I just don’t get it. You know business is hard right now. Well, are there any of the businesses in your industry that are doing well right now? Ah, there are, OK. So it’s not the industry, kind of your business, right—so same thing with this. So you get just to accept that second thing, go about, go back and listen to the episode before this one, figure out what is appropriate for you to download the workbook and use it. The third one is to leverage Napoleon Hill’s research on the power of a mastermind, and find a way to create that, whether it’s you find five winning friends. You all put $200 or $500, or $1,000, whatever meaningful number is, into a kitty, and whoever, you know, maintains the streetcar hits the girl when it takes all right. And if there are five winners, you divide it, and whatever it is, we’ll put something meaningful in there. Right? So you’ve got some skin in the game, oh, go and invest into a program, right? If you can’t create that, because like Doug said, what you know, when you pay attention, right. So if your friends are not willing to do that, they’ll be trying to Facebook group all these time for you to invest in the people you’re around, right? and invest into the coaching program, whether it’s ours or otherwise, if you feel like you’d be activated, and I suggest The Activation Method. But invest pay in playing, right, because chances aren’t only you’re going to be around other people that have paid to play. So you’re going to be of a certain standard in caliber and mindset, nothing against people that are not in the coaching programs, but it’s just the reality, right. By default, as soon as you go in there, you’re going to get an exponential jump and then leverage that group. Be honest, come clean, be real when you’re not in fall, because they’re going to help you to understand what’s happened to have you fall off track, and we’re going to reach a hand down. That’s a great thing about people in groups like this. You know, if there’s one or two steps ahead of you, they’re very willing to reach your hand down and help you up. When they know you seriously, when they know that you’re paying to play, and they can see the effort you’re putting in. They’re going to help you. They’re going to do everything they can; they’re not going to reach your hand down. Somebody doesn’t want it right. Somebody isn’t paying to play, so I’m saying all the right things, but his actions aren’t matching it. Again, as I say, when you do get in that kind of circle, and you pay to play, then those are the type of guys that really corner, and for me having those guys in my corner. This is one of the things that has shifted my life exponentially.
Doug Holt 23:16
I couldn’t agree more. I mean, talk about having a five-year goal get condensed down to six months, right? That’s what we commonly hear from a lot of guys. True. So gentlemen, take Tim’s words to heart. As always, and as always, take some action and guys request right I’ve said this last podcast if you were here. Several of you guys did it. I want to thank you personally, but it would mean a lot to Tim and me if you took a moment just to leave an honest, authentic review on wherever you’re listening to this. I know you got a lot going on. I know you’re at the gym, you’re working out, you drive, and what have you. A personal favourite to me to Tim would greatly appreciate it. You know, we take the time to do this for you guys and us because we get a lot out of this, frankly. But if you could leave us a review, that would mean a lot to me. We do read them. So thank you so much to those that have taken the time. Again, I know you guys are busy. As always, guys, take some massive action and have an amazing day. We’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man show.
