Episode #865
Ever wondered how to elevate your Sexual Market Value (SMV) and become the best version of yourself, whether you’re single or in a committed relationship?
In this episode, we dive deep into advanced strategies that go beyond the basics. Doug Holt and Tim Matthews discuss how to avoid falling into the routine traps that can lower your SMV and how to leverage your appearance, confidence, and social status to become magnetic.
You’ll learn actionable steps to refine your grooming, enhance your physical fitness, and build a strong social network. Plus, discover how your mission and purpose play a crucial role in boosting your SMV and, ultimately, your relationship.
Tune in to learn how small changes can make a big difference in how you show up in the world and in your relationship.
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Transcription
Doug Holt 0:00
Literally, he went home, went to a baseball game, and he was like, he called me the next day, and there were pictures. He’s like, Doug, this was crazy. I was just sitting down with two of my friends right having a good time, and women were just coming up to us. They were walking through the stands, coming up to us to go talk to us, to chat with us. Now he was married. He didn’t do anything, but he’s like, I didn’t ask him, I didn’t do anything, that wherever we went was like magnets. My friends are like, What is going on, man?
Guys, have you ever wanted to know how to increase your value? And I’m not just talking about any value, but think of yourself like a stock trading in the open market. I’m talking specifically though about your SMV, or your sexual market value. Now, SMV is how you’re perceived, how you’re you’re looked upon in the open market by women. Now you could be in a committed relationship, or you could be single either way, your SMV is critically important to how you show up and how women perceive you. Now, it could be your wife, or it could be women that you’re dating, either way, we want to increase our SMV or our sexual market value, and today, Tim Matthews and I are going to dive into the basics of SMV, but we’re also going to go into advanced techniques, or what we call SMV, 2.0 these are techniques that most men miss, but you can actually apply today as we dive into them. So stay tuned. Get your notes ready, because Tim and I are going to dive into some deep things that you can use right away. Tim, as always, man, it’s great to have you on the podcast. Yeah, I love Ben brother. Yeah, it’s just so much energy when you’re here and we’re getting things done and the movement, we have The Alpha Reset going on right now. Next Door, we have men coming in who are dropping off their emotional baggage, if you will, becoming better versions of themselves, and not really just from the outside, but also from the inside. And I think a lot of men don’t realize that SMV ties right into that.
Tim Matthews 1:59
Oh, big time. I mean, when we were brainstorming yesterday about the Alpha Ascension Matrix, we’ll talk about it another time. We were talking about a certain pathway that men might want to choose to follow, and we determined, Hey, you can’t just follow a relationship pathway. There’s got to be an element of self in there. There’s got to be an element of health in there. Now, doesn’t have to be business in there, necessarily, although today we will kind of dive into how business does weave into SMV 2.0 but yeah, this is, this is very much interlinked. And I think the mistake a lot of guys have made previously, one actually, is probably just not being aware of SMV, which we’ve all been there. But then two, not considering the holistic nature that they get to actually embrace in order to be a well-rounded guy who can really embody and embrace. SMV, yeah.
Doug Holt 2:53
And from our lens, we get to see 1000s and 1000s of men, the kind of the before, if you will, that come through the program when they enter the program and then when they leave. And a common thing for married guys is we fall into routines, right? We fall into these routines where you’ve been married for a decade or so, and you start to wear your frumpy clothes, as my wife likes to call them around the house. You know, you’re wearing the same sweatpants or T-shirt, the hole in it, it’s comfortable, but it’s the same one you’ve been wearing. It’s got the stain on the left-hand side, or what have you. And then when you go out, you don’t particularly dress up because of a t-shirt, shorts and sandals. I’m from Southern California originally, so that’s that’s the dress, right? It’s what we wear. And guys fall into this routine and routine, and they let their hair go their beard go their skin, go their bodies go right, and it’s much deeper than that. But if we’re just looking at the surface level of SMV, what does someone see from the appearance side? Now, none of us want to be shallow, but at the same time, man looks matter. And so we look at SMV, let’s talk about some of the basics that guys want to get back in place from the appearance side. And then we can go a little bit deeper.
Tim Matthews 4:03
I think one of the biggest shifts we see the guys make that come into the movement is when they do the ARS, yep. And a piece, the ARS is then working out. And when they begin to work out and begin to get the fitness back, the strength back, they feel better, they look better. And then naturally, then start to just kind of dress a little bit better too, especially when they become aware of this concept. But the fitness piece is one that can really easily Well, I don’t want to kind of separate the fitness piece with the other elements of ARS, because I also think the guys taking some time for themselves on a morning to clear their head, put themselves in the right space and also work out is really beneficial with SMV.
Doug Holt 4:45
Yeah, SMV is not just about appearance, but I do want to touch on that, because I know a lot of guys miss this. You and I get the opportunity of meeting literally 1000s of men online, and as we have here right now, in person at our events, we have a. 106 acre ranch that we hold retreat. So it’s not just online. I think a lot of people miss that with we actually have in person events. We have a lot of them. And so when I see a lot of guys come through again, here’s a couple things guys. I’m gonna give you the checklist of what I see guys do and just easy changes. One guys don’t clip their fingernails, right fingernails or toenails, and they’ll wear sandals. And I know this drives a lot of women nuts, because women talk. Women talk way more than than men do about their partners, right? So, for example, my wife knows all the idiosyncrasies of all the men in the community based on their wives. So that’s an easy one. Another one I’ll throw out there is guys, just we and I do this. I still do it. We keep these old clothes right the way that are just comfortable to us, and that’s great, but there’s no spice. Now, think about it. Your wife probably is always trying on new dresses. I get packages come into my house. Seems like every day she’s trying on new dresses that are flowy or she’s tight or whatever she is, and she wants me to look at her and look good in them. Well, she wants the same for me. And every time I put on a new shirt, or I get one for an event, she always comments on it. And what’s more interesting, Tim, all the other women that are in our community that for my family, hangs out with, they all comment on my new shirt every single time, which tells me, hey, they’re noticing. Not only they noticing my wife is noticing them noticing.
Tim Matthews 6:25
Your shirt game has been strong lately. Yeah, thank you, brother. Thank you. But yeah, you spot on. You know it’s we always talk about the basics, easy to do, easy not to do, simple grooming, things like you said, beard, hair, clothes, how you feeling those clothes, hence the working out piece. They all play a big factor. And I think you make a great point of just falling into those routines. And when a guy falls into routines and habits where he lets himself go, not only does he let himself go, he lets the relationship going, you know, it’s very easy and that point for the woman to be in the gym, to be getting some attention from her trainer, or from whoever it may be, yep, a guy that is looking after his appearance, a guy that is intentional about how he looks and feels in his body and in his clothes. And naturally, their eyes can begin to wander a little bit.
Doug Holt 7:22
It happens all the time. I mean, you and I come from the fitness world, and so we’ve seen it a million times exaggeration, obviously, but we’ve seen it a lot, and there’s also little things. So I’ll hear from from women that I know guys you know, whether they trim their nether regions or not, but washing the guys don’t wash their nuts or something, and then they expect their wife to go down on them or what have you. She can smell you buddy, or put deodorant on. Or basic what, what most of us consider basic hygiene, brushing your teeth. Got some guys just they get tired. They get, you know, things happen, and they let them slip. They let those basics slip because they’re getting comfortable. And so the basics of SMV, you want to look at this like in a I look at this like you’re evaluating a business, right? How would I evaluate you? Or, more importantly, how would a woman evaluate you on the market? Now, before we get into some more of The Basics, and then would be advanced techniques. I want to set the stage here, because I can guess there’s a lot of men listening to this, going, I’m married. This doesn’t apply to me. And guys, it applies to you probably even more than it does the single guys, because you have more to lose one but two, your wife wants to know that you’re showing up as the best version of yourself, right? That’s huge, and we’ll touch on that, especially when we go to the advanced techniques. The second thing is, look when my wife sees me with a nice shirt on, like, when I actually try to look good, not like when I get on here, but when I actually like, Hey, we’re going on a date, and I want to I want to look good. I want her to look good. I want us to have that kind of dating. Feel right. So I dress up my wife comments and compliments me, which always feels good, of course, but what I also notice is, if other women notice me or notice my shirt, because we’re talking about that, we’ll stick with that. If they notice my wife, her interest in me increases, right? There’s now a little bit of competition. There’s some friction. Now we have polarity. Now it’s getting more and more polar, and the more I can build up that polarity that’s building up sexual tension, right? So my wife and I could be on a date. My SMV is high. She’s noticing that my value on the open market. In other words, other women are looking, and they may want to quote, invest, if you will, if given the opportunity, if that happens, my wife now I become more scarce as an option, right? I’m a better option for her, and so that turns women on more, and there’s more opportunity for my wife and I to have intimacy.
Tim Matthews 9:53
Yeah, I think it’s important for the guys to realize that this is always a play, always, you know, even if you’re in a long term relationship. Relationship, a marriage, and they might be thinking it doesn’t apply to them. It it’s always at play. It’s like, like polarity. Polarity is always at play. And women don’t necessarily realize this is what’s happening. But to your point, when a woman is looking to acquire a guy, she’s looking to acquire a guy who she believes is going to be a good provider, a good protector, and she is literally going out into the marketplace to assess the options. And this is where, to your point where attraction comes from. We’ve all been in situations where we felt a certain level of attraction, at times, to different people, regardless of whether you’re in a relationship or not, that sexual market value at play that is seeing somebody who you feel attracted to based on how they appear to you, be it how they look, be it the character, the charisma, be it how they’re dressed, be it the shape that they’re in, be it the confidence, be it the mission they’re on, whatever it may be, we want to be around those people. So it’s always a play. So you can either use this in your favor and recognize and accept that this is almost like, like gravity. This is always happening. And if, if it’s always happening, then hey, do you want to get on board and just leverage it. Oh, do you have it work against you?
Doug Holt 11:23
Yeah. So we did an event in Tulum. This reminds me this Tim, so SMV isn’t just your physical appearance, it’s the obvious ones I like to start with when I’m explaining this, but it’s also how comfortable you are in your own skin. And this is why all guys have seen this happen, where you’ll see a guy who is not as attractive as you physically, but all the bombshell women are around him. You’re like, Ah, he must be rich. And he turns out he’s not, but he’s comfortable in his own skin. He laughs at himself. He makes them laugh. He’s just good to be around magnetism, right? And what I see happen time and time again, I warn guys about this when they go through The Alpha Reset , but specifically I’m thinking of a guy who did an event with us in Tulum. He’d been through The Alpha Reset , then we did some deeper work in Tulum with a group of men. And I said, Hey, man, just watch this. You’re gonna have now that you feel so comfortable in the man that you are. And all we did was strip away all the BS, all the bullshit from him, and let him be the man that he is. Literally, he went home, went to a baseball game, and he was like, he called me the next day, and there’s pictures. He’s like, Doug, this was crazy. I was just sitting down with two of my friends right having a good time, and women were just coming up to us. They were walking through the stands, coming up to us, to go talk to us, to chat with us. Now he was married. He didn’t do anything, but he’s like, I didn’t ask him, I didn’t do anything, that wherever we went was like, magnets, my friends like, what is going on, man. And he’s known these guys for 2030, years, but all of a sudden, wherever he went, women were just magnet, like, magnetically attracted to him. And this guy, you know, if he hears this, no disrespect, he’s not the best looking guy in the world. He’s a great guy, but not the best looking guy. He’s not Brad Pitt, right? So when he walks in, he might be missed by a lot of people, typically. And he was saying, man, just for whatever reason, I just felt grounded like we call it the lighthouse, right? I felt grounded in this, my WOLF energy, wise, open, loving and fierce, and women were just flocking to him, and that also is, SMV, oh, 100%
Tim Matthews 13:26
you know, mission, right? A guy being on purpose, a guy knowing where he is going, knowing what’s important to him, standing by what’s important to him, without the need to please. Applicate to others. Very attractive, right? People might not always necessarily agree with him or like it, but it’s attractive, right? Because it conveys a certain level of certainty, equally charisma. To your point, you know, having the ability to have social skills and have banter and play and laugh and joke. It’s a huge part of having advanced SMV. And I think a lot of guys miss that. I think, you know, a lot of the guys that come into the movement do a really great job of doing the basic elements of it and some of the advanced things, I think they do. They do some of the advanced things without realizing they’re doing advanced SMV, essentially. So I’m enjoying the fact that we’re going to highlight, well, we’re highlighting some of it right now, because knowing the guys in the movement, knowing the kind of guys they are, they’re going to listen to this, and they’re going to apply the social aspect, right pav, advanced SMV is being somebody that’s in demand, somebody that isn’t always available, like not from a place of falsehood, but from a place of hey, he has a lot of options, be it friends, be it people that basically want his attention and wants to. Give him attention to a woman, or even on the sexual marketplace, that stock is a high value stock. It’s scarce that isn’t a common commodity that a guy has is somebody who people want to be around and a value for his attention.
Doug Holt 15:22
Yeah, I want to add on to this, because I did this as part of a masterclass. And we have masterclasses for the men that are in our back end programs. The Brotherhood‘s a one year program, and the inner circle two levels of one year programs. Men continue on with us in and in that masterclass, I had to do a lot of research right to make the masterclass as good as I wanted it to be, and it was on brain chemistry, right? And how brain, our brain, actually affects the way we do things. And I’m I’m gonna mess this up. I’m gonna try my best guys, but I believe it’s serotonin and oxytocin combined together, right? That causes a woman to look for a higher SMV man, right? There’s this idea of hypergamy as well. You guys can look that up. But the idea here is she’s always looking for a guy playing at a high level. Women just subconsciously are always looking for the next level. Now, it could be another man, or it could be you rising. And the reason being is innately a man with a higher social status. To your point, Tim, that man is more likely to get food provided to him, give him opportunities for housing and food, and opportunities to provide and protect he’s less likely to get kicked out of the tribe. Therefore, if she associates with a guy who’s less likely to get kicked out of the tribe, who you know, who has more opportunities for food because of his social status, more opportunities for other people because they like him, to help him out, then there’s less. There’s less of a likelihood that he’s going to get hurt, she’s going to get hurt. And 94 he can protect the kids. So just from a brain chemistry standpoint, women start looking for men with high smvs Without even knowing why they’re doing it.
Tim Matthews 16:57
100% it’s going to read through some of the notes here. List a few of these items off. You’ve already mentioned some of these, but I think it’ll be good for the guys. Physical appearance and health. We’ve spoken about fitness and nutrition, an obvious one, grooming and style. One of the things that I love that the guys do it in the movement they often get. I can think of force of nature. He’s one of them. I don’t know what service he uses, but every 90 or 120 days, clothes get delivered to his door, yeah, like a new season stitch box or something, yeah. And they kind of tailored and fitted. And it’s a great, simple, easy way of doing it.
Doug Holt 17:37
Animal does something like that too, where he has a bestow program
Tim Matthews 17:43
does. Yeah. So grooming in style, obviously, the beard piece goes into that and going to the barber regularly, health and vitality. Funnily enough, we were kind of debating on the word vitality yesterday about something different, but with SMV, I can see how vital it plays a big role. Because it’s one thing to work out, but it’s another thing to understand what’s actually going on your body and be following a plan, be it food, lifestyle, supplements, whatever it may be that’s specific to you that results in higher levels of energy, vitality, whatever it may be it directly influences. SMV, yeah. Let
Doug Holt 18:19
me touch on that real quick if I can. Yep, what I often hear from women, and I did this for my my wife, guys, but I would give business and work my best, and then come home and give my wife or my family the rest, until I’ve started switching that around. Now, I’m not perfect on that. Still something I’m working on because I love what I do. I’m so passionate about what we do for these men, but a lot of men come home and they’re just tired. And the way, when I teach this to men, Tim, I go, who would you rather hang out with? You want to hang with your buddy when he’s exhausted, you know, just barely, kind of moaning, sitting on the couch. Or do you want to hang out with that same buddy when he’s fresh, full of energy? Wants to do things, wants to talk about, listen to your stories. Tell you stories, laugh and engage. It’s obvious everybody wants to hang out with a guy that’s more engaging. Your wife and women have the same thing, yeah, 100%
Tim Matthews 19:09
I recently had some blood tests done, as you know, and one of the results I got back was that my body’s very poor naturally methylation, so getting rid of waste, but also producing certain neurotransmitters. And when I began following a specific supplement plan that was all around, basically increasing BDNF and honestly microdosing with some other things too, the difference in my mood was like, night and day, but previously, I didn’t realize my mood was like that. I just thought this is how I felt. I knew that I was having to work harder to maintain a certain level of mood and positivity that I used to find easy, but I didn’t realize it was because of this. And then, like I said, After following the. Plan. I’m like, Whoa. It was like the glasses had been removed, which directly influences SMV, because my levels of confidence, charisma, banter, all that kind of stuff, they feed into it. They come from that.
Doug Holt 20:13
Yeah, I remember reaching out to you not too long ago and saying, Hey, man, just wanna let you know whatever you’re doing. Keep doing it, because there was a noticeable change in you, and maybe that had something to do with this whole process. I think
Tim Matthews 20:24
it did. Yeah, and then the other one is emotional intelligence and personal growth. So one of the pieces within that developing emotional intelligence, I think the guys become very good at The Hidden Motives Technique, the Clean Slate Method letter that we give them. When the guys go through the reset, and they really get to the root cause of of why they have been a certain way, and they’re able to leave that reset with some radical self acceptance and some radical self confidence that directly influences their SMV, 100% massively, massively. Well,
Doug Holt 21:01
this is also why Tim, what I my theory is, and my wife agrees with me, because she coaches women is sometimes so a guy could be served divorce papers. He joins The Activation Method, and within the first week, his wife comes back, or they gain him back. And it’s not because he radically changed, it’s because she sees his stock going up. Oh, he’s been talking about all this stuff he’s gonna do, but now he’s actually doing it right. He’s actually committed to his growth, and now she sees the upside.
Tim Matthews 21:31
Some of the biggest shifts we’ve seen guys make is when they reach the point of fuck it, if you will, speaking to the IC guys yesterday, yeah, and that point of, fuck it, if you will, is the point of, Hey, I am so secure in me and where I’m going and who I am that I’m going there with or without you. Yep. And the woman often is shocked and surprised and also has a lot of FOMO around this. She’s also turned on 100% right? Because it’s very attractive, which goes to one of the other points we’ll get to in a minute, which is status. But, yeah, there’s a hell of a lot of power, because it’s the opposite of neediness. It’s complete confidence and self assurance. And it’s a very attractive quality, which again, ties into an advanced SMV strategy. But the key with this is,
Doug Holt 22:26
Hey guys, I wanted to interrupt this episode because it’s dawned on me that many of you guys aren’t aware that we actually have a book on how to save your marriage without talking about it. Now, 1000s of men have read it, and they’ve reviewed it, and I want to give you the opportunity to do the same if you’re interested in grabbing it. It’s a short read, but it’s helped a lot of men, just like you. And maybe you’re not interested in The Activation Method yet, but this is a small entry point that can really turn things around for you. Go over on Amazon. We have it priced as cheap as Amazon will let us, and that way, you have a resource that you can use right now to start getting some results in your marriage. Now, let’s get back to the episode.
Tim Matthews 23:02
A guy can’t fake that, nope, a guy can’t listen to this and go, Oh, I’m just going to apply a fucking mentality. Because it’s the energy in the place that it comes from within the guy, that he becomes immovable, and not from a place of ego or bravado. It’s very much the opposite. It’s from a place of quiet confidence and quiet self assurance and detachment, and it’s you just want to be around those guys. There’s such a sense of calmness to them. I mean, how we define alpha? Right? Being alpha means a quiet confidence, a quiet self assurance. You have a calming effect. You know what you need to do for your pack. You lead by example, you’re comfortable with it. All those things weave into it. Next was in the research, continuous personal growth. Kind
Doug Holt 23:48
of touched on that a second ago. Yep, you did. And also doing it continuously, as you said, Yep,
Tim Matthews 23:55
building confidence, which, to be fair, goes to all of these. And then the third kind of section, after emotional intelligence and personal growth, is social skills and status, which we’ve already kind of been touching on a bit. But there’s three elements within this. One is enhancing social skills. Two is building a strong social network, and three is increasing social status.
Doug Holt 24:19
I love this, especially the social network. I just got off a call with one of guys I work with one on one, and this is just what we were talking about, you know, going through now, you know it because you and I were talking about it as it pertains to the alpha Ascension Matrix. But we’ve all heard all of these things, right? Iron sharpens. Iron. I remember, gosh, I think it’s first grade. No, no, excuse me, fifth grade. I’ve talked about this on the podcast. I’m sitting in a homeroom class. Tim, right? I don’t know the teacher’s name. I couldn’t tell you what the teacher looked like, but this friggin brown paper mache thing was on the right hand wall and a picture of birds. Why do I remember this? I don’t know I was making fun of it for sure, but I believe it’s true, and it was birds of a feather flock together. So. To choose your friends wisely. Wow. And I thought, how stupid, right? But that’s the only thing I remember about fifth grade. Is that one saying, for whatever reason, and I think this is an advantage that the men here that are here today at The Ranch are going to experience, is they’ve surrounded themselves there. There are counting in my head, 13 outside of this room, 13 amazing men, all business owners, all A players, all here to better themselves, for themselves, first and foremost, but also from their families and communities. All of them are here to uplift each other and do the deep, deep, transformational work that you can’t find anywhere else. He’s going to travel from all over the world to be here. Talk about iron, sharpening iron. These are the one percenters, the 1% and they’re all here. And so when I had my client do his personal inventory and look where he is, I was like, Okay, where do you want to be? How do we increase this for you? And this doesn’t mean that you that you leave your friends behind or your family behind. That’s not what you and I are talking about here. It’s what is your network? Have you? Are you upgrading your network? Are you surrounding yourself with men of similar values, men who were also on the game of being better, right? And I’ll add one more thing as an example, you led the men through the Alpha Rise and Shine, a different group of men that were here, and all these guys now, all of a sudden, you’re working out with a bunch of guys all different fitness levels. But here’s one thing I can tell you, is because some of the guys are working out, everybody worked out, and everybody worked out a little harder than they would on their own, yeah?
Tim Matthews 26:33
100% and that’s what I said to the guys after I thank them, saying, Thanks for doing this with me. You pushed me and you made it easier for me to do it. Yeah, right. One that isn’t on here that I think is really we’ve kind of touched on it, but I think it’s important to emphasize is mission on purpose. I can think of many guys within the movement that have been with us for a few years that I think this is one of the things they are lacking in a major way, and as a result, they do a lot of these other advanced SMV strategies well, so they’re aware of the health and fitness piece. They get their bloods done. They dress well. They’re well groomed. They’re around a good network. They’ve got high social status. They’re confident and charismatic. They do a lot of these things really well, but the bit that often is lacking is them really getting behind a cause that they I’ll just say what I’m thinking are willing to die for. Yep. And as a result, they then lack a level of direction, certainty, clarity and penetration in the world that they don’t realize they are lacking until they have it kind of like me with that supplement. I didn’t realize I was feeling that way before, until I wasn’t and I turned around, look back, I’m like, Wow, holy crap. Night and day. As a result, these guys almost settle within an area. Usually it’s the area of business is still doing well there, but it also bleeds into wealth, which bleeds into self, which bleeds into their relationships, but they almost settle and become in this holding pattern, waiting for the day, for this mission to arrive, at which point they will then get up, burn the boats and just go for it. I don’t mean burn the boats by burning the business down. It’s an internal shift that they make, kind of like the whole fuck it idea. And I I’d love for these those guys listening to this, and look, some of them get involved in giving back in the movement, right? Whether it’s volunteering at a reset, whether it’s whatever it may be. There’s lots of ways and avenues that can do this. But I’d really love for these guys to consider this particular piece. I’m thinking of a few. I’m tempted to name the nicknames, but I will. In fact, we’ve got force of nature. We’ve got chief. There are a few others as well. Got tool man. There are a few others that are a few others that are coming to mind. I’m struggling to remember the nickname that I’m gonna name, the first name and last name, but you get the point.
Doug Holt 29:27
I can think of a bunch of guys, yeah, and this is the biggest thing I remember, gosh, I can’t remember how old I was, man, it’s in my 30s, probably maybe late 20s. I read, uh, David, yet his book, The way the Superior Man, he talks a lot about this. And then I studied under Kim Anami, who does a lot of sexual mastery stuff. She talks about this. This is what women want. If you want your woman to have amazing orgasms, you want her to have all these things. It’s not techniques, it’s not the size of your penis, it’s not you know, how well you go down on her, it’s how well you tap into your own inner passion. This is interesting because. This is a woman who teaches sexual mastery for men, for women, all of these things. And I went into this naive thinking, I’m gonna get these like crazy techniques that I can do to my wife, and she’s gonna go absolutely nuts. And 90% of what she teaches is, if you wanna turn your wife on, if you want her to be like that, where she’s having the best sex she’s ever had, it starts within you and finding your passion and your purpose. And I think what a lot of guys, Tim gets stuck on, because I have this conversation a lot, as I’m sure you do, is they think that their purpose needs to be an original idea that’s just them, rather than going, Hey, this is what I this is something I’m involved in, and I’m going to go all in and help out. Whatever this is, could be your church, could be philanthropy, right? A lot of guys do that. Could be all kinds of things. Now, as you said, we have men that get involved in the movement, the movement of the powerful man. You know, we’re here. Our goal and our mission, as we say, this podcast, is to help save 10,000 children by saving their fathers first, right on the average of 2.2 kids per household. I think last week at our leadership meeting, we said, we’re this year alone. We’re at over 3200 we’re a little bit behind pace. But we have men that are within that movement who get behind that mission. They’re like, Yeah, but I want to help the men that don’t know, men that haven’t been here before. In fact, we have three guys right now, in the main ranch house next to us on the on The Ranch property, we’re volunteering to give back to the other men that are attending their Alpha Reset , and that’s on mission. And those guys, I’m sure, would tell you at the end of this, this is they go home, they are going to be able to fill their wives with their love, their passion, because they’re giving back something that means something
Tim Matthews 31:41
to them. I’m just thinking so the way that a woman gets turned on is obviously by the guy bringing this particular energy. It seems to me as though the way to turn the woman on is for the guy to turn himself on 100% and the way he turns himself on is through mission and purpose, because the masculine obviously grows through challenge, and when got something they’re committed to that’s meaningful, they are willing to run through walls for the guy, by definition, is turned on and only takes energy to the woman she recipient, feels it. There’s polarity there, and she opens up 100%
Doug Holt 32:18
here’s the other thing, it has to be more important than her. Yes, it has to be more important than her. Most of our guys get so much shit for coming to our events, right? Here’s about guys going to Prague or anything else. These are shit tests, gentlemen, most of the time. Sometimes it could be legitimate. We don’t need to recognize them. But she is testing you if she can control you and stop you from your mission, that scares her, because now she’s unsafe. Now let me say this again, because a lot of guys aren’t going to get this. So guys, you’re on the treadmill your car, if she gives you a shit test for being on mission. So let’s just say for the guys that want to go to Prague like Prague is our next event in October, bringing them in over there. It’s gonna be an amazing event. If she’s doing that, and you say, Oh, you give in, right? And it’s got a beer mission, then she realizes she can control you. If she can control you, how the heck is are you going to stop the guy down the street from hurting your family? How are you going to stop the woman that’s coming you know, from the bar or the coffee shop that hits on you. It scares women. She is now unstable. She is now scared that she needs to go into her masculine and take control, because you’re no longer safe, because if she can rattle you, if she can take you off mission and purpose, then everybody else can, ergo you can’t actually be there to save her and your kids, and she doesn’t play this out this way, guys, it’s all subconscious. But this is the effect of shit tests, and there’s no greater shit test than the one about your mission, your purpose, definitely,
Tim Matthews 33:51
definitely. And you know that says a lot if you don’t have a mission and purpose, well,
Doug Holt 33:58
she can’t be safe, right? Women need. Yeah, it’s
Tim Matthews 34:02
oftentimes, when guys don’t have it, they often make the woman the number one mission and purpose bad
Doug Holt 34:08
idea. Yeah, just like the woman makes the kids another bad idea.
Tim Matthews 34:13
Which one consider an SMV 2.0 and you, the guy’s been a stock on the marketplace. That stock isn’t going to trade very highly if you’re making the woman the mission and the purpose, then think about attention that you don’t have. You’re not somebody who has scarce attention, the likely it is, you’re not somebody who has high social status, the likely it is you’re not somebody who has a lot of interesting things going on in your life, because a lot of your purpose in life and happiness and significance will therefore come from her, which is a huge burden to place on her, which is kind of needy as well, and she feels it, and she will pull a. Way. Let
Doug Holt 35:00
me give you a case study too for the guys listening. There’s a guy that I work with one on one. Let’s just say he got gentleman came here and redid our road twice, basically helped us out. So thank you to him. So he and his wife were, let’s just say, not emotionally connected or physically connected, and at one point. So what he started doing, he started dressing better. He started working out, going to the gym every single day, consistently, right? Like a Brock consistently, every single day. He started changing the way he ate. Started changing his different habits he was doing. He was more on mission, more on purpose. In his business, he came to The Ranch multiple times, as you know, came here one time specifically to fix the road at The Ranch. It’s 106 acres. We have a big, big, long road, and had some potholes in and stuff. And he did it on his own time, on his own dime, but he was on mission, on purpose. Fast forward, his wife now goes, Hey, I am seeing the change in you. I’m seeing the consistency. And just yesterday, this guy sent me screenshots, and he and his wife are sending a, I mean, deeply erotic messages back and forth to each other. Now think about that. For a lot of guys listening to this, they’re like, oh, man, I just, I just want my wife to like me again, right, to let alone be in this state. That’s where this guy was. But he worked on his SMV and a lot of other things that we teach, especially engaged in difference, kind of cocky, funny, if you will, engaged indifference. Goes back to how do you have the charisma, but also the confidence? And as he’s doing that guys now he’s brought fast forward to today. Now he’s in a place where the marriage is great. They’re sending erotic messages. They’re going on an international trip together. And it’s because he’s focused on these things that we’re talking
Tim Matthews 36:42
about beautiful. So let’s leave the guys with couple of action steps.
Doug Holt 36:48
Yep, I’ll go first guys, start with the basics. All right, go look in the mirror, right now, take a picture of yourself and just be honest. Don’t be a jerk to yourself. We’re all assholes to ourselves. But be honest. You know, do your clothes represent the value of the women that you’re looking on online? You’re all looking at some chick online, on Instagram, wherever you are, look at the way you look, the way you’re dressed right now, in this moment. Now, I know this moment’s not representative the way you always dress. Et cetera, et cetera, but where are you? How your nails? Where’s your hair? You know your beard? Are you if you’re overweight, are you comfortable being overweight? If you are, you can be overweight and be comfortable with it, and women will be okay with it, but if you’re not comfortable with it, they’ll pick up on it right away. Where are you in your physical appearance? And the second thing I’m gonna ask you guys to do, once you’ve made that assessment, is make a plan to make those changes if you’d like to. I
Tim Matthews 37:38
love the idea of getting clear on where you are, so I’m going to apply that one, but to their wife, are you making your wife the center of your world? If you are? Why? Yep, and what might look if you didn’t make her the center of your world, and you actually were able to find some kind of mission and purpose, like you said, whether it’s your church, whether it’s philanthropy, whether it’s TPM, whatever it may be, but just become aware of that and see if you get to shift that. Gotta give a little
Doug Holt 38:10
plug here, because guys, we just had our leadership meeting, and we’re looking to double in the men, the men that we serve. And we need your help. We want your help. So if you’re looking for a mission and TPM sounds like something that you want to sink your teeth into, go ahead and reach out to Tim and let him know. Tim at the powerfulman.com and guys, we’ll get you in now. Another thing I’ll go into that Tim with SMV is, is confidence, right? Is how, how confident are you when you approach your wife? I was talking to a man that we know Tim recently actually wasn’t it was Argentina. Had a conversation with a guy, and I said, How often do you initiate with your wife? He’s like, Ah, well, and we’re having an honest, real conversation. So I knew he wouldn’t lie to me. He’s like, not very often. I said, Okay, I’m gonna give you a challenge. I want you to initiate at least five days a week. He accepted the challenge, but didn’t initiate, didn’t follow through on the challenge itself, because he lacked confidence in that area. Now, do you think his wife could tell that he was lacking confidence in the initiation 100% so you need to practice, and the way that you get confidence guys is by failing right. Fail forward, fast, use the you know, just like you guys do in business. Fail forward, fast. Just keep trying and laugh at yourself when you fall. But practice and get those reps in right, and make them subtle. If you and your wife are so far apart, do something really small, a bid for connection, of for a hug or a high five, whatever it is. You know, do it and practice it with your wife and all your wife but, you know, do subtle things with other people, co workers, the barista, but do things that are outside your comfort zone. I know you have the guys at the inner circle do this every single week. They’re doing something outside the comfort zone. And. Now that these guys have watched them, Tim, you’ve done such a great job, they have expanded such a big realm of what’s possible for them. The things that they’re doing now, like holy smokes and the things that they were previously afraid of, are nothing to them. Yeah,
Tim Matthews 40:13
they it’s a good problem to have. They now struggle to answer the question, What am I going to do to get uncomfortable this week, because everything is beginning to feel very comfortable. Yeah, there’s a great problem that they’ve created for themselves. Yeah,
Doug Holt 40:28
well, great way to increase your confidence. If you know you can handle every problem that comes your way. Confidence comes easy.
Tim Matthews 40:34
And to the point we made earlier with SMV and social status, they’re around a group of men that are also playing at that level, who they can come and confide in, who are going to encourage them to get out of the comfort zone. So what their wife sees, or their partner sees, is this guy going out into the world with reckless abandon, charismatic, confident, clear, decisive, and that’s what she receives from him, too. Hence why, you know, intimacy is an issue for those guys,
Doug Holt 41:09
not at all, not at all. Yeah, in fact, I’ll double down on that. What you just said is iron sharpens iron. Bird of birds of a feather flock together. You know you want none of us want to be they always say, if you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room. All of these things are cliche, but so true, and you need to find a group of men, and I think it needs to be more than 50 men, right? Because men are fluctuating people, creatures of habit, right? And they start letting each other go and what have you. And this is why we mix some of our packs up. And people always wonder, like, how we mix people at events is because you want, you want to rub against something a little more abrasive, or somebody that’s different. So ideally, 50 men is what I would look for and find a group. And yes, men, you can have women in the mix too, but men are uniquely going to understand your positions. Men are uniquely going to understand your walk of life. If you’re a businessman, getting a group of businessmen, if you are an employee right now, then get in a group with employees that are doing something. Maybe you guys want to be business owners. Maybe not. But find people that are like minded. They’re they’re just up one rung ahead of you, or working at being one rung ahead of you. So you can ride that wave. Beautiful. Well said. Tim, this is a great topic, man, man, I’m gonna have to go take a picture of myself and do a self assessment. Wasn’t planning on this today, but I love this topic, and it’s something that I always can improve on. Yeah, me
Tim Matthews 42:33
too. A couple of things definitely came up for me that I can refine as a result of this. I’m definitely going to be journaling today.
Doug Holt 42:40
I find it hard to believe, gentlemen, as we always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. What are you going to do today? Take that picture list that group. Are you in a group or around a group of men that can that their iron sharpens iron. That’s an invaluable resource to have, not only for your SMB V, but also other things that come up relationships, fatherhood, business, wealth, strategy, religion, spirituality, whatever it may be for you, we all struggle at times, surround yourself with a group of men who are rising together. Now, if you’re interested in joining our group of men, the powerful men movement, and maybe you’re interested in The Activation Method, go ahead and click the link below in the description, get on a call with one of our advisors, and see which pathway could be the best for you. And that way you have momentum, right? You don’t have to take massive action, but I recommend it and make sure that you’re doing it. Get outside your comfort zones, gentlemen, as always, appreciate your time. We’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man show.
