Episode #718
What is the Alpha Reset, and why is it gaining so much attention among men seeking transformation and personal growth?
What happens when men come together to shed their masks, confront their inner demons, and tap into their true potential?
Join Tim and Doug as they discuss the profound changes experienced by the men who showed up in the Alpha Reset. Explore the challenges of taking off the mask and confronting inner struggles among men.
In this episode, you will learn the importance of creating a safe space for men to share and transform.
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TRANSCRIPTION
Doug Holt 00:55
What’s up, guys? Welcome to another episode of the Powerful Man Show. As you can tell, we have a new actual office space here at the TPM Ranch. So if you’re listening to this right now in audio, you’ve got to go over to Spotify or YouTube and check out the video. Today, I thought Tim and I, just fresh off an Alpha Reset, would take the time to do a mini recap. For those of you that have been to an Alpha Reset, you know how powerful these events are if you’ve never been to an Alpha Reset. What it is basically retreat, and they’re very individualized in terms of the outcomes that we get.
For the men, it’s a transformational retreat that we do taking place over a very short period of time. And the joke is it’s almost like Fight Club, right? Where the guys don’t want to tell other men what happens there because of what’s on the other side. And what I mean by that, what’s on the other side is guys come in with hopes and expectations, and then what they find on the other side of that is a total renewal and change of life. So, Tim, let’s chat about that if you’re open to it.
Tim Matthews 01:55
I’d love to. Yeah, let’s do it.
Doug Holt 01:57
Cool. So this time was great. You and I did it together for the first time in three years, which was a lot of fun, you know, we haven’t actually done an Alpha Reset together. We’ve been doing them away from each other. You’ve been doing mostly in the UK, and I’ve been doing the ones in the States. So this one was really unique, and it was a lot of fun. We had three volunteers that came, three men that have been through the program themselves, raised their hands that, hey, I want to give back. I want to be there for these guys, because it was such a well, life changing, which sounds cliché, but that’s the word the guys use most commonly.
Tim Matthews 02:29
Yeah, it was awesome to have those three guys there. Divine. He was just well, sounds cliché, but he was divine. The impact he had with the men. Then Chief, he was there as well. I just loved how Chief kept saying he was there in service of the men every time we wanted him to be there in the room. And his number one focus was to make sure the guys were fed and taken care of. And then obviously we had Mr. Box as well, who was incredible.
So I love how you put it about these guys coming and it’s a transformational event and it’s Fight Club. We had one guy there who it was difficult to get him there because of his very hectic work schedule. He had a board meeting in San Francisco. On day three it ended on Thursday, so his board meeting was Friday. But it meant that much for him to be at The Alpha Reset and be there with the other men and with us and the TPM Ranch. They was even willing to charter a private jet to get him from Redmond to San Francisco.
Fortunately, that didn’t need to happen in the end. But he showed up. He was supposed to leave halfway through day three and because of all the value he was getting and the connection was making with the guys shifted his flight, found a later flight and then was able to stay the entire time. And that guy just had some incredible transformations.
Well, yeah, he did. He had several key transformations. He sent us a message afterwards saying the morning of Day two was harder for him than leading troops of Marines in Afghanistan. He’s done various tours of Afghanistan. He’s led over a troop of 200 men. And that’s what it can be like when you are choosing to release the guilt, the shame. I’m not going to go into too much detail of what else goes on there, but these are heavy, heavy stories, judgments, beliefs that these men have been carrying all their lives and they’ve never had an opportunity to be able to take off that mask and share it with anyone. Quite the opposite, in fact. They’ve had to hold that mask even firmer to their face because everybody around them sees them as something that they don’t see themselves as.
We had another guy talking about how he just felt like a fraud and nobody else around him, everyone would come to him, celebrating him and telling him how good he was and the kind of man he was and leader and all that kind of stuff, and he just didn’t see it whatsoever. And he was in his mid-50s on the back, the back 40 as he calls it, or the final third, just needing to release a lot of all of this pent up guilt, shame. I won’t say any more than that. And I said that before.
So it was incredible just to watch these guys come together, guys that didn’t know one another from all walks of life, from all over the US. Some from Canada, and to see other men from the movement be there as well. And not only that, but prior to The Alpha Reset, have other men from the movement also travel down from different parts of the US and Canada to come to the TPM Ranch and build certain things out for these guys in time for their reset, so that they could just contribute. Because they’ve been through the reset, they know the impact of it.
So it was just been an incredible ten days, really. It’s kind of hard for me to separate just the reset. I know we’re talking about that, but yeah, it’s just been incredible. And deliver it with you as well. First time in three years. Last one was just after COVID, when we had Chief and Fetch and the Toolman and all those guys. Fetch, you’ll love that. When I talk to him, yes. That was incredible.
And then being here and doing it again with you was just magical in this location at The Ranch. There was a moment for me on day three when you were taking the guys through a certain process, and it was having a huge impact on them. And I was just watching you and your element, looking outside the window at the mountains and the trees and just loving it. Just immense gratitude, thinking a few years ago, this was a dream, right, to do this in our own space where men can come.
And time and time again, the guys talk about the energy here and how it’s a sanctuary and it’s sacred, and their words, right, not ours. Chief stood up on the first day, and today, you respect this space because of the transformations he’s had in it, the transformations he’s seen men had in it already. So, yeah. Incredibly, incredibly special on many, many levels.
Doug Holt 07:21
Yeah. So taking it back to The Alpha Reset, when the guys first got here, I had the opportunity, along with Colton, to interview the guys. And so when the guys come in through the door, what’s really interesting is these are men that have been through our program. So these are men who have been to give context to the listener. These are men just like you guys that get the opportunity to come to this. Now, it’s not easy getting here, and when I say that is, we have more demand than we have supply, and it’s a problem we’re working on.
However, these guys are all business leaders. They’re family men, so now they have to make the choice, and they have the same excuses all of us have. I don’t have enough time, resources. This is not the right time. So when these guys get here and I get the opportunity to sit down with them, and they sat in that very chair that you’re sitting in now, and ask them questions of, like, why are you here? What are your expectations? What do you want? What would be the most ideal ending for this? Right?
And the guys sit there and they share and they’re nervous because they don’t know what’s going on. And we do that purposefully. We keep it very tight to the vest. One is we tailor each event for the group of guys that’s there. Two is we want them to have the experience going through this. And most of these guys, they’re business leaders, they’re at the top of the tree, so to speak. And when you’re at the top, it can be lonely. There’s that old saying, it’s lonely at the top.
So now we bring these guys together, and there’s small intimate groups of men that come together in this facilitation. When you think about it, there were six of us that were there and there were nine men. So that ratio doesn’t exist really in the coaching space very often where these guys get that level of attention.
So seeing these guys and hearing why they felt they were called to be at this event and then going through. So day zero starts up. We call it day zero, where the guys get to know each other. We have very structured, I’ll call them icebreakers and get a chance to sit around the table and just such an amazing group of guys as they always are going through and you and I planning it out.
And then when day one really starts, you really start to peel back the layers and you realize, or they get a chance to realize as men, the guys, you’re not alone, right? You’re not alone. There’s other men that are going through something similar now. It’s going to be different than what you’re going through. Their marriages may be different, their businesses are going to be different, their backgrounds are going to be different. However, the conditions of which they’re experiencing in life, feeling stuck, shame about things they’ve done in the past, guilt around thoughts that they may have had or inactions they may have taken, time wasted, so to speak.
And you see this starting to bubble to the surface as the men go through processes that are specifically designed to take them to the end result, right? So again, going back, I get the chance to interview them and talk to them about what they want on the end so we can tailor it. And then two to at the end of the event, interview them on what they got. In fact, guys, if you want to see some of those end interviews, a couple of the guys had, let us release those. And so you can go over to thepowerfulman.com and get access to those end interviews so you can see in their own words what this experience meant to these men, these individual men and these business leaders. It’s absolutely phenomenal.
So there’s going to be a couple of them. A couple of guys said, hey, feel free to share these. So those will be over there if you guys want to see them. But really, what’s really impressive to me, Tim is the man that walks out the door at the end of the event. The event itself is amazing. I mean, you and I right now are a little tired, right? Because they’re exhausting for us. As coaches, as advisors, we spend a lot of time with the guys.
We don’t just as one guy said, the last Alpha Reset that I did, he said, you guys just don’t pack up your tent and leave to the next town. You stick around and we stick around. We hang out with the guys, have a good time, celebrate with them. Because the most common thing the guys say, and they all say this, I know it’s cliché, but this has been life changing. And most men will say besides, and some even more besides either the birth their child or refining their faith, being born again, this was the most significant moment in their life.
Tim Matthews 11:46
Yeah. I’m tentative to say certain things that the guy said because it sounds unbelievable. Yeah. One guy saying how he felt like he touched the face of God, and another guy, like you said, saying he felt like he was a reborn. You hear it time and time again, right? And frankly, it’s why guys choose to pay out their own pocket, take time away from their business, away from the family, away from their lives, to fly across the US or from Canada or even from the UK to the US or vice versa, to come and volunteer to help other men because it’s had such an impact on their lives and these men just it’s incredible to see the men that leave, because, frankly, day zero is tough for you and I, right? Because we sat there with these guys who we can see how amazing these men are, and they’re just putting on this front, right? They’re telling us the story, they’re telling us what they think we want to hear, but we know they’re just biasing us at times.
Day one can still be a little bit frustrating as well. They’re beginning to go there. There’s some firmness that gets to be used throughout the day to really encourage them at times. Everyone’s kind of popping at different moments as the day goes by. But collectively, you always say, right, there’s an individual experience and a collective experience. I loved hearing you say that, this one, and it’s so true. A rising tide raises all ships, right?
And as one guy steps the line, another guy steps. The guys were there for one another, calling each other forward, calling each other out for the love of themselves. The kids are not in the room. They can advocate for themselves, as you said before. So the other men really take it upon themselves to be the advocate for their kids, to call forward the father who may be neglecting his duties as a father or as a husband or whatever it may be. And it’s just wonderful to see because you just don’t get it. And the guy said that time and time again, we don’t get this anywhere else. We don’t have a space anywhere else where I get to share these things with other people because frankly, we had guys share issues around.
Doug Holt 14:17
Let’s just say all kinds of things.
Tim Matthews 14:18
Yeah, let’s leave it there. Good. I was wondering, but yeah, the point is the men are there for one another, right? They create the space together and obviously we help facilitate it as coaches, but people in the normal lives just can’t handle it. And it’s nothing against those people.
Most people are not able to sit with their own pain and be real with themselves. Then when these guys are going through this loneliness and emptiness and everything else that just stacks throughout their life and they try and share it with people around them because they’re meant to be so strong to everybody else, people don’t know what to do with it.
So the guys just stuff it down and shove it as far down as they can and they wonder, hang on a minute, how come I’ve got all this external success but inside I still feel like a failure? I’ve got everything that I was told by society and by my friends and whoever else it may be that I should have in order to be successful, but I don’t feel that way. And that then makes them feel more ashamed because they feel ungrateful. And that makes them feel bad and frustrated and angry because they’re also used to be able to solve problems, but they can’t solve this problem for some reason.
And we often say to them at the reset, hey, the guys, the way to win this fight isn’t well, the way to win the war isn’t to fight, the war that’s raging inside of you. It’s not to fight because that’s just going to take you further into battle. The way to win the war is to surrender. And I remember when I first became aware of that, that was a weird concept. Like, how do I surrender to these emotions that are bubbling up, that are clearly there for me to meet? And when the guys begin doing that, it’s just wonderful to see. It’s terrifying. Hence why one guy said leading troops in Afghanistan was easier than the morning of day two for him, because taking off that mask can be daunting.
What are people going to think of me? Am I going to be rejected? Am I going to be casted out from the group, from the pack? Right? It’s all about that primal fear and desire for belonging, ultimately, be it the belonging from the men in the room, the belonging from the wife, from the people at work, whatever it may be. So I get it, that heaviness, that shame, that guilt that binds these men and keeps them trapped and stuck. It can be tough and challenging to face, but these men just my God, they faced it. It was incredible.
Doug Holt 17:09
Yeah, I think I agree. It’s so amazing to see. And what precludes that for me is these guys are stuck, right? I mean, you’re talking about what they’re learning when they get here. But before that, before the guys are just stuck and not sure what to do next. They don’t realize they have a mask on or any of the other things. They’re just stuck and not sure. And they’re realizing that what they’re doing isn’t working.
Now, we’ve been putting on these events for almost seven years now going through, and for the first time we’re going to open up a few slots for guys that are interested in coming to an Alpha Reset on their own. And so we have the pre trainings and things like that to get them prepped. So guys, if you’re interested in coming to an Alpha Reset, easiest way to get information on how we’re going to do this for a few guys there’s only nine total slots available, is simply emailing VIP, so Very Important Person, at thepowerfulman.com. Super simple Vip@thepowerfulman.com. Let them know that you want to talk about The Alpha Reset.
And the reason I bring that up is because I remember myself back in the day just feeling like I had more in the tank. I felt like I kept hitting a ceiling and for some reason I couldn’t break through. And one of the guys said something really important, which I think we could do a whole episode on, is he would find himself coming back from work. He’s like, we always eat dinner at the table and he’d crack a couple of beers and go in the garage. And he was always doing something. But if he was honest with himself, he was hiding out, right? He was hiding because it wasn’t working. And that not working had led him to do things or think or feel things that were against his values, right? They were against what he truly believed.
And what happens for a lot of guys, they can do things trying to be as nondescript as possible, which is always hard because guys, we want to protect the anonymity of these men and the things that they share. That’s very important to us. So when we do things that are against our value system or things that we believe and all of us have done things, that creates chaos inside, right? Because now you have this just a position where you believe one thing and you’re doing another. Now you’re creating an internal fight inside of yourself. When you create that internal fight inside, it comes out in the worst ways. A lot of times it comes out in sedation, drinking, watching TV, just numbing yourself because you don’t want to deal with it.
And most men, in fact, I would basically say almost all men don’t know how to deal with it. They don’t know what to do. So they try doing more stuff or trying something different. And it’s really just the fine tuning that takes place. The Alpha Reset, that’s all it is. We’re fine tuning things. And the analogy I’ve used in The Alpha Reset, and I used it this time is it’s almost like, guys, you’re listening to this, imagine that you’re a radio and you’re trying to pick up the music, the frequency that’s going to guide you to excellence, but you keep turning it and it’s the wrong song.
So let’s just say you like country, you turn it and you get jazz and bluegrass. You’re like, that’s not the right music. That’s not the right frequency for me, right? What we do at The Alpha Reset is we tune the guys so they can pick up the frequency of excellence, whatever that means to them, to success, to finding the man they’ve always known is inside of them.
That’s what The Alpha Reset is. And that’s why we call it The Alpha Reset. We’re resetting the alpha within men. And it’s a natural alpha. It’s not bravado, it’s not fake. And because it’s natural and it’s innate within sight, each man, it never goes away. It just never leaves. And that’s the key. And so many men had this power and this vigor in their 20s where you feel like you got the world by the balls and unfortunately, your wisdom and intelligence isn’t as strong, but you got this energy and this vigor, but you lose it over time. The world beats you down, your partner beats you down. Things happen in life and you may succumb to, hey, this is the way it’s going to be.
What we do is we tune that frequency, that man that transistor. So he picks up the frequency of the alpha that’s been inside him. So kind of that energy of the 20 year old. But now he’s also got the wisdom, right? He’s also got this idea of being open that he can do it. So the acronym we use for WOLF is Wise, right? So he’s got the wisdom. Open for the O, Loving for the L, Fierce for the F. This man is now able to tap into all of those frequencies in an instant. And that’s why The Alpha Reset is so amazing.
Tim Matthews 21:51
I love that, I love that metaphor of the frequencies. I always imagined it like Michelangelo talks about how did you got asked, how did you sculpt David? I just chipped away everything that wasn’t him. To your point, as these guys get beaten down, as they go through the 30s into the 40s, as life gets challenging, be it through work or kids or whatever it may be, they take on things, stories, judgments, beliefs that are just not true. And I think you said it so well. Just tuning them to that frequency of excellence and the energy of the 20 year old. You see it time and time again, right?
These guys really begin to embody the whole idea of work hard, play hard. Prior to that, they just worked hard. They didn’t understand how to play hard and they just yeah, life takes on a new depth and a new meaning and there’s tons of stories that no point sharing right now. I’m just thinking of the one with Divine in the airport, right? There’s so many synchronicities that align for these guys as they tune into this frequency and things become easier, right?
By no means is it a magic pill, there’s work to be done on the other side of it. But these guys are able to do that work with way more ease and they’re consistent. And as a result, they continue to level up time and time again. And not only that, there’s a brotherhood of men that have all been through this and have learned this truth about themselves and they support one another to continue to rise up. Because ever saying at The Alpha Reset, you can’t unsee what you’ve seen, once the truth has been revealed to you of who you are and what you’re capable of, you can’t unsee that.
So therefore, before The Alpha Reset, you might be able to claim ignorance. Go in the garage after dinner and just hang out for 4 hours, drinking a beer, pretending like you’re doing something. But after the reset, that guy can no longer do that because he now knows the truth of what he’s capable of and who he is. He can no longer claim ignorance. Right? And not only that, he’s got a brotherhood of men, be it the men that have been through the reset with him, be it the men in his pack, be it the men in The Brotherhood.
When those guys get together at the events and there’s 40, 50, 60 of them that have all been through one, he’s got so many levels and tiers of support around him that he’s just set up for success, right? So it becomes so much easier for him to be consistent and continue to level up. And it’s just wonderful as these guys continue to tune to that frequency of excellence. I love that. I think it’s a great way of putting it.
Doug Holt 24:24
Yeah, I do too. And as we sign off here, I want to give another shout out to all the guys that came here before The Alpha Reset, that flew here to help us build out this studio that we’re in now, the actual space we’re in. So again, guys, if you’re listening to this, jump over to YouTube, just check out the video of this so you can see. And I only say that because the guys really put their heart and soul into building this.
So we could communicate messages like this to other men around the world, so they could have the transition, so they could have the transformation that these men had. And while you’re over there, hit the subscribe button because that’s always good for us to get other men knowing it, but check it out, we’ll be doing more things from here. You’ll be seeing more guys invited into this space so they can share their stories.
And these are guys just like you, just like me, just like Tim. These are businessmen who are on a path of growth, a path of journey, especially in today’s society, where being a masculine man is considered toxic for some reason. And really, if you ask me, it’s the man who hides his emotions, who isn’t in touch with himself, is the more dangerous man, because you don’t know when he’s going to snap or explode. Give me a masculine man any day over somebody who’s hiding in himself.
And when you look at that, guys, and you’re going over here again, thank you to the men that showed up. Thank you to the men that volunteered to hold space for these guys at The Alpha Reset. And I said this probably a half a dozen times; it doesn’t get lost on me. For the men that showed up for this Alpha Reset, that they put their trust, it’s a lot of blind trust showing up to an event like this.
These men are at the top of the food chain in their industries and their businesses, not used to not being in control, and they come here to an event like this, but that’s why they walk away and say it’s life changing, transformational, and just a list of other synonymous that are right in alignment. So gentlemen, as always, thank you so much. Tim, thanks for all that you did this Alpha Reset. Thanks for coming down here. And guys, we’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man Show.
All right, guys, that’s a wrap for this episode. But as I always say in the moment of insight, take massive action. You see, there are two types of men that listen to a podcast like this, those that go on from one podcast or show to another just hoping things are going to change and realizing that they’re going to be in the same place month after month, year after year.
You see, I was this guy so I completely get it. You may just not be ready. But there’s also a second man, a second man that listens to a show just like this. And this is a guy who takes massive action so they can shorten the learning curve, compress time, and get RESULTS to be the WOLF. See, WOLF is an acronym for Wise, Open, Loving, and Fierce.
Now ask yourself, which one am I? And just be honest with yourself there. And there’s no judgment on my end. But if you’re ready to move from deactivated DEER mode, which is Defend, Excuse, Explain, and React to activated WOLF, Wise, Open, Loving and Fierce, then go over to thepowerfulman.com/grow. And go there now. In fact, I’ll make it super easy for you. I will even put the link right in the description here so you can just click it and go over there now to learn more. Guys, in the moment of insight, take massive action. Go from deactivated to activated, because like I said, life is too short for average and I’ll see you on the next episode!
