Episode #680
Have you ever felt the need for more spontaneity and adventure in your life?
In the world of business, it is not uncommon for owners and entrepreneurs to become consumed by the principles of rigidity and discipline. With the constant demands of running a company and the need to adhere to strict strategies and timelines, spontaneity often takes a backseat.
However, this dedication to order and control can sometimes hinder your ability to embrace spontaneity in your personal life. The fear of deviating from established plans or the perception of losing focus can make you resist the idea of unpredictability and the joy that comes with it.
As a result, the pursuit of adventure and excitement becomes an unexplored territory, preventing you from experiencing the serendipitous moments that can bring inspiration, growth, and renewed energy.
In this episode, Tim and Doug discuss the power of embracing spontaneity and how it can enhance relationships and bring excitement to your daily routine.
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Transcription
Doug Holt 01:02
Hey, guys. Welcome back to another episode of The Powerful Man Show. I’m your host, Doug Holt with my co-host Tim The Powerful Man Matthews. What’s going on, brother?
Tim Matthews 01:12
Yeah, doing well. Enjoyed these podcasts. You’ve got a couple of really good topics to tell. Nice job, brother.
Doug Holt 01:18
Well, thank you. Are you saying I normally don’t? Is that an unusual thing, is what you’re alluding to?
Tim Matthews 01:24
I’ll leave you to decide upon that…
Doug Holt 01:25
Nice to see the dog in the background.
Tim Matthews 01:28
Yeah, I’m dog sitting. Amelia is in leads, so that means I’m dog sitting. A bit of a wild card, but anyway, what we thinking.
Doug Holt 01:38
So when you’re dog sitting in your own house, what does that mean for you? Do you have to be around the dogs the whole time? Do you have to watch the dogs?
Tim Matthews 01:46
No. So Amelia has taken one of the dogs to Leeds. Paddy, obviously, you know what’s been going on with him, so he’s gone to the vet. Now, this dog here, Wilma, she’s the one that’s incredibly nervous and anxious. And also, obviously, we got her from a rescue center. As you know, Paddy and Amelia are her saviors. She’s drawn the short straw and been left with me, which means we’ve not yet been able to train her to be left on her own.
She just freaks out. Usually Paddy’s here. Doesn’t matter. We leave with him. So what dog sitting means, given that Amelia and Paddy are not here, really, is that I have to stay in the house. [inaudible 00:02:27] Major deal. Watch her. Obviously, I won’t be watching her, and she’ll be following me around like a shadow.
And she just gets incredibly anxious at times, and she can misbehave and do other things that can result in various things happening in the house. So it’s not a major deal, but much easier if I could just leave her anyway is what it is. Merely as pride and joy. Yeah. There’s something I wanted to bring to the table that happened. It’s been unfolding this week, really, for me, which has been fun. And I didn’t realize prior to this thing unfolding, I didn’t realize how much I was lacking this certain thing in my life.
So about ten days ago, obviously you’re familiar with all the routines that we’ve got. Alpha, rise and shine, alpha decompression, the weekly review, all those fantastic tools. So about a week ago I was using the chart of intentional living for businessmen, The COIL, that we give all the men in the movement. It’s a self-reflection tool. And I was playing with this idea of living in the gain versus the gap. You and I have been speaking about that a little bit as well. And in doing so, it really dawned on me that I’d been really craving a lot more adventure and excitement in my life. Right?
And I get a lot of it being able to travel with CPM and go to amazing places and hang out with amazing men like yourself and foster nature chief and animal and all the men in the movement. But obviously when I come home, it’s really important for me to able to do that with Amelia too. Foster some feelings of excitement and adventure and so on, and make sure it’s not just saved, reserved for TPM, because it’s easy to do when you love what you do.
Now obviously we had plans to be going away over summer. One of those plans is to come out to the ranch. But with something that’s happened with us in our personal lives, it’s kind of thrown a little bit of a spanner in the works. It’s left me in this scenario of okay, I’m craving excitement, I’m wanting adventure with Amelia in particular, what can I do? And some way, somehow, it led me down the path of getting a campervan. Right? We’ve not bought it yet, but even the process that I’m about to share with you has just been so rewarding.
So this was on a Monday, last Monday morning. So last Sunday there was no talk of a campervan. It wasn’t even an idea that was on the radar for us. It was more of a pipe dream. Something that we thought we might do one day, but not something we talk about a lot. Right? Guess the last Monday, after reviewing my week, I don’t recall how it came up, but this idea of a campervan came up and I started to act on it immediately.
And I started to look online at what campervans were to buy. I found a couple and the next idea was just call them. Call them and just ask a few questions and figure it out. It turns out the one that I called because you can’t see the location on the website, so you don’t know whereabouts the sellers based in the UK. Turns out the one that I called was based 20 minutes away from where we live in North Wales. Okay, nice. So I called the seller up and arranged to go see that particular campervan last Monday. So I call Amelia and I say, send a link to the campervan, say, hey, what do you think of this? I know it’s out of the blue. I’ve called a seller.
We can go see it tonight. I think we go and let’s just see what happens. She was obviously shocked, excited, whole host of emotions went to go see it last Monday night. The point being is we’ve continued the conversation this past week and we’re exploring it. But this past week, because of that spontaneity that’s been injected into our life and that excitement and anticipation, the level of connection between her and I this past week has been a significant rise, right? The lightness, the playfulness, the laughing, the joking.
And it really got me thinking about this idea of a spontaneity because it was a very spontaneous thing that did you could call it inspired action, whatever you want to call it, right? At the end of the day, it was spontaneity. And whenever I allow more spontaneity into my life, there’s always a huge uptick in my mood. There’s always a huge uptick in my connection with Amelia because usually sometimes it involves her as well. And it’s a huge, energetic ROI that we get back. Right?
We talk a lot about the energy of wealth. You got me thinking about how often as business owners, we resist allowing spontaneity into our life because we’re so disciplined and discipline is a major strength. But when that discipline can border on becoming a little bit too rigid at times, you can exclude options just because this is the way you do them. You think that’s the way it should be done. Doing the campervan, I was excluding it, and I think part of what allowed me to create the headspace for that was us getting a sales director in place in CPM, which gave me a little bit more head space, which then led down this path. I thought of you as well. Right?
You said something to me a couple of weeks ago about taking coaching calls. When you take your coaching calls, when you’re out walking in the forest or in nature, they caught your calls far more enjoyable. Right? It’s the idea of being spontaneous and going and doing something even something small doesn’t have to be something major and how much you get back from it. So over to you. You smiling, but I’m getting the sense you want to add something.
Doug Holt 07:38
No, no, no, I’m just listening. I think it comes down to personalities a lot, right? Some of us naturally have more rigidity in our personalities. What I mean by that is we can get stuck on one path, and once we’re on that path, it’s hard for some of us to get off the path or see other alternatives where others of us are just never on one path. Right? There’s other extremes. We’re always jumping from one path to another with no idea of stickiness. I think it’s a case of personalities.
Some people say, well, we had a plan. We said we had a plan, we’re going to follow the plan. That’s what we’re going to do, and that’s all we’re going to do. Then you have somebody else that’s like, oh, we had a plan, but it’s changed. No big deal. And I don’t think one’s better than the other. I think both of them are great. However, in relationships, if you don’t realize what your partner’s way of being is, and this goes in business relationships as well as personal relationships, that can cause a lot of conflict. Right? That can cause a lot of conflict that’s going through there. And when you have a lot of rigidity, it can be difficult because things often don’t go to plan.
Tim Matthews 08:43
Yeah. I think about business owners in particular, though, right? How often they actually invite and embrace spontaneity into life. I don’t think it’s very common. The reason why I think that is because of that idea of discipline, right? And focus and becoming so focused on achieving whatever it is they need to do whatever path that takes. Right? And as a result, yeah, tunnel vision, I guess, can set in as well.
Doug Holt 09:14
You know, I love you, but I think that’s you.
Tim Matthews 09:18
I see in you, too, though.
Doug Holt 09:20
Really?
Tim Matthews 09:21
Yeah. I think about the idea of taking the coaching calls. Right? Are you getting away from the desk and being able to spend more time, let’s say, in nature, and the greatest ideas come up. Right? And the times when you do just go and do that spontaneously, or when you went for the massage last week, right? That was a spontaneous, planned, but relatively spontaneous thing that you did, right? That you wouldn’t usually do.
But as a result, you could have just been bullshitting me. But you said you have some good ideas that came to you while you’re able to kind of switch off and relax. I think we can get so used to just waking up, doing the routines or the gym or whatever it may be, cranking stuff out, and we do it from the desk, we do it from the office, or we do it from wherever it may be, and it’s just bomb, bomb, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom versus being open to, like I say, a bit of spontaneity about. You could do those things from anywhere in some respects, right? But they often don’t get done.
Doug Holt 10:20
Yeah, yeah, I definitely have some spontaneity. I was thinking with the rigidity of having a plan and sticking to it and a discipline and all that stuff, I don’t see that as a business owner thing. I see that as a personality thing. A lot of entrepreneurs are just not going to relate to that at all, in my opinion. In my experience, yeah. There’s always going to be spontaneity and things that we do differently. I do take coaching calls quite often, as much as possible away from the desk, all phone calls.
I even told you we were going to talk about a few things before hitting this podcast, and I said, no, let’s just record the podcast and I can call you. The reason being is I can put my headphones in and I can move around rather than sitting at the desk, as much as I love seeing your beautiful face, Tim. So, yeah, honestly, I think it’s more of a personality thing. I definitely have some rigidity with me.
There’s certain things that I just want to know, and I want it to be this way. But mine’s more stubbornness, probably, than we have to stick to a path. Once my mind’s made up, often I can stick to it. But I also, I think, as you know, I love changing directions a lot, which, if you’re with somebody who isn’t as interested in changing directions, can cause conflict, and I think that can become an issue. But to your main overarching point of bringing back more spontaneity, one of the things that I love that you said was this idea, and I think a lot of people can relate to this, I certainly can, is we may go to business dinners, like a really nice business dinner, right?
And our wife and our kids are at home. We may go on business trips, and our wife and our kids are at home. And how often do we bring the same energy into our house that we bring to the business? Now, the thing that’s Common said is, especially businessmen, we give everybody our best and our wife and our kids the rest. Right? And I think that’s kind of what you’re saying with you and Amelia. I know that was just part of this conversation, but we go on these epic adventures with epic men all over the world, and then you come home and my wife is looking at me like, hey, when’s our turn? I hear that conversation a lot. And then you’re doing smart.
Now you guys are looking at a camper van, or motorhome is what we call it here in the States, you know, which I think is a great thing. And having that fluidity and that ability to move from one idea to another, it’s kind of like that Bruce Lee idea of be water. My friend, water can flow through anything. It moves through porous, it changes direction. It doesn’t have that rigidity of always getting blocked.
Doug Holt 10:20
Yeah. What I found really interesting, I love that Bruce Lee quote was, look, we’ve not bought a campervan. We’re still in the process of looking. But even just the idea of by injecting something spontaneous into the relationship that wasn’t really previously a conversation or consideration, what impact had on the mood in the relationship over that week. Right? And he got me thinking about where I’ll see them blocking things from being spontaneous.
I know a lot of guys resonate with the idea that, let’s say their wife wants to take a trip. It’s a spontaneous trip, but it doesn’t quite fit the idea or the plans that the guy had. But instead of surrendering to the spontaneity and going with it because they could actually make it work, wasn’t really planned, but they could make it work. Right? Instead of going with it, they kind of resist it. But if they were able to embrace more of that spontaneity, how might that then influence and affect the mood of the relationship?
Doug Holt 13:45
Yeah, I think I do that a lot, and maybe not as much as I could. Well, definitely not as much as I could. But as an example, my family’s going back east, and Aaron’s taking the kids by herself, my wife Aaron, and then I was going to meet them at the tail end. But now you’re coming to the US. Which is the plan right now, and so we just changed it up, and she loves it. I’m just like, oh, no, just we’ll change it up. I’ll come a little earlier, no big deal. And then I’ll come back out here, and I’ll be with Tim, and you and I are going to run a couple of events at the TPM Ranch, which is the new retreat center that we purchased and are running events through to help men.
So I think it’s adding that in, and then what else could we do? What are the fun things now where I can lack some spontaneity? Tim, for me, personally, is because I travel so much with TPM, and I get to hang out with so many great guys. I don’t have a need or desire to go out in the community where I live and meet new people. I’ve got literally as you do, I got plenty of people that I really, really enjoy, that I can talk to at any time, and I don’t have enough time to connect with all of the people that I love.
A lot of the guys listening to this podcast right now, a lot of them I think about them all the time and wanting to call them right? Guys, inner circle, the brotherhood, guys that are in the movement, guys that have come and gone as alumni, I think about them a lot. I just don’t have the time to call as much as I’d like. So going out into the community and doing things can seem tiresome for me, and that’s where I could use a little bit more flexibility within that area for me, anyway. But to your point, where else is this showing up in your life, really? This is having different ways of looking at things, is what I’m hearing you say.
What’s a different way of looking at a situation? I used to have this pack of cards that I had on my desk. And in college I worked at a place called the Learning Smith. I did for a little while I was in college. And what they did is they sold educational games and toys. It was at a big mall called South Coast Plaza in Southern California. It was like my first year in college, I think, or my senior year, first year in college. And so I worked there. And so I got this. And it’s called the Creative Whack Pack. Remember it. I still have it and I put it on every day. I would pull a new card out and every time you looked at a problem and I use these in business meetings, I’d go, hey, grab a card, pull a card. And it would have you look at something in a different way.
So take the diagram you’re working on and flip it upside down and work on it that way. Some of it was just weird, but it will give you a different way of looking at things that you wouldn’t normally do. You and I both study Keith Cunningham’s work and he has a great book called The Road less Stupid. I recommend it for all business people. And it gives you questions, questions to think about and ponder that are going to take you out of your zone for thinking time. These are all things you can do.
I recently put — I can’t think of the name, but it’s a card game. It’s not a game, but it’s a bunch of questions. Every card has got a unique question. It’s for partners and intimacy. I put all of those cards right where our coffee maker is, and in the morning I flip over a new card and I leave it right by the coffee maker because I get up before 04:00 a.m. And my wife doesn’t, and we have a discussion around that topic. And it could be an interesting topic, could be a boring one, could be funny, it could be silly, it could be sexy, and I’ll bring that topic to the table. The idea is to create spontaneity, to create conversation, to create intimacy. And it’s not an action, but it is. There are things you can do as far as actions, I’ve done that.
Now all I’m doing is I’m realizing I’m not as spontaneous. So I’m putting ways of being within my life that are causing me to be spontaneous, that are having me look at things differently. They’re exercising my brain, they’re changing the way I look at things. And I’m adding those elements into my life deliberately so that I don’t get stuck in the rut. Because I know, like most people, it’s just easy to get stuck in routines.
Tim Matthews 17:29
Big time. It’s one of the reasons why the Alpha Rise & Shine works so well for the men, right? They begin to do something different and start to have more spontaneity. Do something on a morning that’s different to the norm. When we talk to the men about filling the cup and putting their putting their needs first, if you want to call it that but more so specifically filling their cup, going and doing things for themselves that they love, that requires them to have more spontaneity. It’s one of the ways in which they become a lot more attractive to their woman, right? Their SMV goes up, their mood goes up as well, right?
Because when you’re stuck in a rut or stuck in routines and you just got your head down and you’re like, this is the way it is, this is the way it is, this is the way it is. And we can all fall into that trap as business owners, right? We get so fixed on a target that we’re saying we’re going to achieve, we put our head down and we go for it. And one of the strengths is that we can focus and block everything else out. And just like anything, strength can become a weakness. And when that becomes a weakness is when your life becomes too monotonous, right? As a result, it lacks spontaneity, and that then filters over into your relationship and you can try and kid yourself and say, oh, well, we’re going to date night every week, so we’ve still got a little bit of spontaneity.
Well, it’s the same place you go for dinner on the same day and the same time, and you’re kind of wearing the same clothes. There is no real spontaneity there. But, you know, one of the things I love how Franco says you can’t negotiate desire, right? You’re able to stoke the fire. And, you know, for men, finding ways to be able to introduce more spontaneity into their life definitely helps them to live a life that’s a lot more passionate and as a result, injects more can inject a lot more desire into the relationship as well. Thinking of the brotherhood trips, right?
A lot of the guys, when they come into the brotherhood, at first, one of the reasons why they resist going on the trips, the adventure trips that we’ve hosted all around the world at this point, right? Cuba, Morocco, Costa Rica, Iceland. Got one coming up in BANFF. You got to imagine these are events with like 40, 50 amazing businessmen coming together to do some incredible have some incredible fun. Whether it’s quad biking in the Sahara, or even if you’re just shooting and playing basketball in Costa Rica or learning to surf, it’s always…
Doug Holt 20:00
A fun.
Tim Matthews 20:01
It’s gonna fun. Yeah. Along with the growth element. So these events are really high regarded within the community, but even men saying yes to themselves and going on the event can be a big deal because they’re not used to being spontaneous in that way and giving themselves permission to go and do that thing they really want to love to do. Right? But point being is that the message I really want to convey in this episode is where in your life do you get to introduce more spontaneity, right?
And what might you get back be in your relationship or the other territories for doing so as well? One of the things that typically has to happen for you to be able to be more spontaneous, at least when we see this in the men, is either, one, create more space in your life by getting rid of the things that just don’t need to be there, right? You stop doing the things you think you should do, and you just start to do the things that either can only be done by you or that are actually going to move the needle, let’s say. In your business, you can create more space, but also just beginning to take a stand for yourself as well.
A lot of the guys that come into the movement right within the activation method, they realize that they put themselves last. They lost touch with themselves, lost touch with the hobbies, with the passions, with other men. And as a result, they, like I said, lost themselves. They retreated and withdrew. And that’s not attractive. It doesn’t fire them up. And as a result, there’s no wonder they’re in a sexless marriage without any desire or attraction there.
So when they start taking that action and being spontaneous again can feel a little bit weird at first, but it’s like a muscle. The more they use it, the stronger it gets, the easier it becomes, and it just becomes a way of life for them. To which your point, Bruce Lee? Be like water.
Doug Holt 21:43
You call me Bruce Lee. I love it. No, it’s true. All the things you’re saying are great. And to the guys out there, it’s like, how are you going to use this, guys? How are you going to implement this in your lives? So, Tim, can you give us three tips on how guys, if they’re resonating with this, can utilize this today in their business and personal lives?
Tim Matthews 22:01
Yeah. First thing that came to mind is to turn down the noise on the outside. Right? The routines that we do with the men are so key because it gives them those spaces and those moments to reflect. And you got to learn to connect to that muscle, a muscle of inspiration, spontaneity, whatever you want to call it. Right? And in doing so, to begin to connect with it, you’ve got to have those moments to reflect, to actually be able to well, connect.
Second thing, let’s say that you’re able to connect with that inspiration or spontaneity. You’ve got to get out of your head. You’ve got to stop thinking about the logical steps. Now I think about the caravan. My dad called me on the Tuesday, and he asked me what I was up to. So I told him straight away, he’s like, oh, well, if you’re looking at a campervan, you need to do bomb, bomb, boom, boom, boom.
It started to make it super, just complex and logical of all the steps you need to take or you should take in a linear fashion if you want to buy a vehicle or a campervan. I just didn’t. Totally irrelevant. Totally irrelevant. It just completely killed the entire mood around what was happening, right? We know what we’re doing to a degree. We don’t need his advice on that. One point being is a lot of the guys, let’s take the brotherhood event, they can come across something that feels exciting, and instead of just pulling the trigger and going with it, they’ll get in the head and start to think about and deliberate and judge and question and weigh the pros and the cons.
Even guys that are thinking about joining the activation method, right, they’ll do the same thing. Even though it feels like it’s exciting and scary, they can imagine what they’re going to get back in return. They could feel, act, get feedback. Feel, act, get feedback. Don’t feel, think, think, think, deliberate kind of act and then get feedback. You got to pull that trigger faster.
And the third thing, forget about Step 2, 3, 4, 5. You’ve just got to take the next step. If you want to be spontaneous and introduce more spontaneity in your life, and you’ve turned down the noise and you’re able to connect to that inspiration and you’re feeling it and you’re acting on it, don’t get lost in, well, what am I going to do on the second step and the third step and the fourth step? Just act, taking the view. Act, taking the view. And just keep on going.
Like, I’ll use the campervan, for example. Oh, wouldn’t it be cool? Let’s look online. Oh, what about this one? Oh, call that put. I didn’t sit down and think, okay, right, I’m going to find a campervan. I’m going to find someone local. I’m going to call them. When could I possibly rent? It was just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. So take it one step at a time and just do it.
Doug Holt 24:47
Love it. Absolutely love it. Tim love the mantra. Keep it going. Gentlemen, as we always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. And guys, take massive, spontaneous action based on this show, this podcast as well, and change things up. You and the people around you appreciate you for it. We’ll see you next time! The Powerful Man Show!
