Episode #330
How would you recommend “putting your foot down” in a calm way?
And what is Nice Guy Syndrome?
The psychology of slot machines is that, even if you don’t win something, you’ll still have the hope and expectation that you’re just a little bit closer. It keeps you coming back – hoping, expecting – and this is how addiction gets formed in gambling. It’s the rush of possibility.
Most guys at some point fall into the Nice Guy Syndrome. Constantly doing nice things, doing things for her, waiting for the dopamine hit, expecting and hoping for sex. Then, when they get their needs met and they get the attention and affection that they want, they turn their husband into a friend.
Recognize the state that you are in and get activated. Learn who you are, what you deserve, and how to stand in your power effectively. Get what you want without being a dick, but being a natural, powerful man.
In this episode, we are going to talk about the Nice Guy Syndrome, playing good cards and bad cards, how to “put your foot down”, get reactivated, and how to turn from being just a Nice Guy to a Powerful Man.
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Episode Transcript
Doug Holt 0:00
The psychology behind slot machines is what they’re going to do is you pull that lever you put your money in, and then you may not get anything, pull it again, the 10th time it pays out, you’re like, awesome, amazing. And he might put more money in the pull it 12 times nothing. 13 times you get money. So they’re doing this release of dopamine every time even when you pull it, you don’t get something. You still have the hope and expectation that you’re just a little closer. And what happens is you keep coming back.
Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man show. I am your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host Tim, “The Powerful Man” Matthews. What’s going down, brother?
Tim Matthews 0:42
I had a very eventful week. A very eventful week. Friday morning, I had that conversation with my family, which went very well, very grateful for the result, and very want to say confrontational. But I think years ago, the idea of me getting a family together and saying, hey, there’s a lot of dishonesty here. Let’s just be real with one another. And this is what dishonesty is and being able to also communicate so that lower their guard pulled them in and did this stuff I’ve learned. Well, you’ve taught me a lot over the years. And I’ve just learned and turned around to teach guys in The Brotherhood. And so anyway, I had a great result there. And then Amelia and I had a very tough, in some respects, honest, heartfelt conversation, as you’re aware of last night, which rolled into today and this morning. And yeah, I’m very pleased with the outcome there as well. So yeah, very thinking back, in fact, quite a pivotal week, in many respects.
Doug Holt 1:53
Yeah. Good. Yeah, you’ve had a pivotal week for sure. I apologize for myself joking. As I can hear bangs back sounds like construction in my house. And it’s my one-year-old bang something above me. So I bought his Yeah, yeah, it has been an interesting week, all wrapped into, you know, coming into a combination. I think that happens for a lot of guys listening to this. You know, when you hit the valley, like a way I look at it, Tim, is when you hit a roadblock or an obstacle, what that tells me there’s two things you can do, right, you can either shut down and go, I’m not going forward, this sucks, what have you, or you can recognize it for what it is. And it’s just an obstacle to be overcome. And when you overcome it, you’re going to have to go outside your comfort zone to do so. And what lies outside your comfort zone for all of us is growth. You know, you see this in sports you see as in business, if you want to become a public speaker, well, you got to stay step onstage. And it’s not comfortable the first few times you do it. And if you know you and I’ve done it for a long time, you know, I step on stage is still not comfortable. But it’s more comfortable. Because I’ve grown with that, you know, I’ve grown with that. So I’ve come to some trying to say and not eloquently, if I’ve come to embrace those times of uncomfortability knowing that there’s growth on the other side. And it’s not to say I’m perfect with it. But when I do see it, I can catch myself and say, okay, cool. Something awesome is coming out of this. Doug is going to be a better man. At the end of this, whatever this is.
Tim Matthews 3:32
Yeah. All right. I admire that because I don’t approach it in that way. I wish. Now do I wish I could or did kind of know what makes me approach it more. I think it’s two things one, the men I have around me like you and Arthur and because honestly, one of the first things I do is turn to you guys after I’ve, you know, figured out how I’m feeling and what’s going on. I kind of like you know, yesterday, I had thoughts. Hey, what’s going on? This is what I’m thinking, what do you think of this. So that always helps. But then the other thing as well is just the listeners, the guys that we work with. I feel such a sense of duty to walk the path. Because I feel it’s just my right to do that to earn the privilege to turn around and then teach and speak to the men about these things. And I think I’m very grateful to them because without them, without having that layer of accountability that they probably don’t even know that we hold me accountable. They don’t say anything to me. It’s just it’s just me. It’s how I see it. And it’s got me through some challenging times knowing that I’m accountable to those guys, to you guys, our listeners, combined with having great guys in my corner. It’s helped me to muddle through at times.
Doug Holt 4:57
Yeah, I agree. What’s up, Tim? I want to flip the script here and get into our topic for today. And the topic is just what the title says: the nice guy and the slot machine. Right? So, Tim, do you gamble much? I don’t know this about you. Have you gambled much in the past, gone and done slot machines or Las Vegas or something equivalent.
Tim Matthews 5:21
Now I placed a bet with Amelia on Saturday, in fact, 400 pounds, just that one of the friends wouldn’t do something. But apart from that, no.
Doug Holt 5:30
Okay, yeah, more setting the stage for more of the Las Vegas slot machine scene, I’ve done many conferences and events in Las Vegas. So very used to it, you walk into any casino, you know, which used to be more of the hotels, and they still are, but there’s other hotels now. But you walk in there, and you hear the ching ching ching, of the cash being made. And this the sounds that draw people in with the psychology behind slot machines is, what they’re going to do is you pull that lever, you put your money in whatever it may be, you pull the lever, and then you may not get anything. So you pull it again, you pull it again, the 10th time it pays out, you’re like, Oh, this is amazing. And you might put more money in the pull it 12 times nothing 13 times you get money. Amazing. So they’re releasing dopamine hits every time. Right? Even when you pull it and you don’t get something, you still have the hope and expectation that you’re just a little closer, you know, a couple more times. And they can even stretch it out where you can be there 20, 30 times, but you know, psychologically in your brain, your subconscious says, Hey, I’m going to get a dopamine hit, if I stick to this, I’m going to get a little drug, right in my, in my body. And what happens is that you keep coming back, and you keep expecting,, which is how addictions get formed with gambling. But even we normal folks would say, who don’t have an addiction to it, you still like the rush of the possibility. Now it’s happened to a lot of men, right? Many men listen, which, you know, obviously The Powerful Man, currently we only deal with business owners, right? Marry business owners, what’s happened to many these guys is sex has become their slot machine. And what they’ve done is they’ve become a nice guy, right? And their wife has determined that she can resist or put off having sex a lot of times to get what she wants. Now hear me out because not every woman does this, but most women do it, and they do it subconsciously. They’re not doing this on purpose. And I am doing this to string you along. And so what’s happening here is the guy does something like maybe says, hey, look, my wife’s tired. Okay, no problem. I’m going to do the dishes tonight. I’m going to cook dinner, right? No sex, Okay, next day comes in. Well, she’s complaining that I’m always on my phone, you know, I’m inboxing people, or I’m sending messages. I’ll stop doing that. No sex. Okay, the next day comes around like, okay, she also says I’m not spending quality time with her. So I’m going to do that too, do the dishes, and make dinner and not send boxers out. No sex. Right. He’s still hopeful. And he decides, okay, you know, she’s got a headache, she’s had a hard day, I’m going to do the dishes, cook dinner, not talk on the phone at work early, spend quality time with her. And he gets laid, boom, the dopamine hit. Now this pattern starts to progress. And what tends to happen, kind of like the slot machine is he keeps pulling the lever and the lever is doing nice things, right, being a nice guy doing things for her. And I’ll talk to you about the good, bad game in a little bit. But doing things for her and expecting and hoping to get sex, right, get intimacy to get acknowledgment for some guys, it’s just friggin get respect, right? It’s like sex is the next level. Just give me some friggin respect. In this guy’s we’ll keep going to this. Now, the four-day analogy I just gave you has no sex, and doing things turns into weeks, which for some guys turns to months and years. And they’re waiting for that dopamine hit, they’re going to keep doing it. And they fall into nice guy syndrome. You know, it’s like we like to call it and a lot of people call it that, where they’re constantly doing the nice thing in the hope to get that dopamine hit, which in this case is sex, thinking that they’re going to do it and their wife from you know, whatever reason or their partner. Again, mostly subconsciously, I don’t think of women just at a conscious level. They’re getting their needs met, getting the house, the chores are done in the house. They’re getting, you know, their needs met, they’re getting the attention they want. And they effectively turn their husband, and they don’t like this, by the way, but they turn their husband into almost that. That friend, that guy that we’re just friends like we can cuddle. You know, we can do things you bring me chocolates Let’s you do these things, and then I’m going to go date and have sex with the bad guy. We all know that story from high school, right? You don’t want to get in the friendzone. But husbands have put themselves in the friend zone in the slot machine. Type analogy.
Tim Matthews 10:14
Go on. Go for it. No, please. It reminds me of one of the guys in the circle last week. Uhm, What did he say? Was that what his wife said to him? Oh, well, you’ve been a good boy. So you know, I’m going to give you sex. And kudos to this guy who said, hang on a minute. No, you’re not going to give me sex. Because I’ve done something. That’s not how this game works. And it’s come a long way. It’s come a very long way. And coins.. no coincidence, I guess since that point, the week after that, the way sex was initiated and how it went down was very different. By default, he established a boundary and respect and other things by doing what he did. I loved it. It was great. I’m proud of him for doing that. Because again, a year ago, he’s looking at googling, how can I kind of, you know, end the marriage without giving so much of my assets away and everything else? Right, it goes along with that. So he’s come such a long way.
Doug Holt 11:23
Yeah, and the way that this was brought to me is my original thought. I’m trying to figure out what that person’s name Atholl K, I believe, is where I got this part of it from. In thinking about this, imagine that you have playing cards, right, there’s two cards in front of you. One says, Good, one says badly. Now your partner’s got the same playing cards, good or bad. Right? in every moment, or every day, let’s just use every day as an analogy. You get to choose which card you get to play. So, Tim, I’m going to use you and Amelia as an example here, just for the other guys. If that’s okay, you say I’m going to play the good card. Now Amelia says, I’m going to play the good card. And you guys, you know, have a wonderful evening, you cook a meal together. You’re laughing You’re joking. You both do the dishes, and you clean up, you’re helping out around the house, you’re working together as a partnership. And you guys have great sex. Right? Awesome. Well, the next day comes along, and you play the good card again because that’s the way it should be, right? And this is the way most dating starts, right? Everybody’s playing the good card. And you play the good card again, but millions like, you know what, I don’t want to do dishes today. I don’t want to do cooking. She plays the bad card. And now you find yourself in the kitchen doing the dishes, Emily’s on the couch, watching the TV or doing whatever, doing what she likes to do, walking the dogs, or what have you. And you’re doing the dishes. This is not a big deal. We have it’s one time, and you go through it again. And the next day, you say, hey, look, this is not working. You play the bad card. Amelia plays a good card, you’re on the couch. She’s doing the dishes back and forth. And then it comes down to what happens to a lot of guys, right? When they get the other option, I’ll tell you what happens to a lot of guys. And I know you know the answer. You play the bad card, Amelia plays the bad card, you guys do take out you’re not talking. You know, it’s kind of distant. You’re both watching TV, and you’re doing Netflix, etc. No one’s getting it. Right. What happens for many guys is they consistently start playing the good, play the good card, the wife plays the bad card, she looks around, maybe she’s legitimately sick, you’re cooking dinner, this is pretty nice. You’re doing the dishes, it’s not bad, you’re helping out with the kids. The next day you come by, and you play a good card again. Sure, good guy. She plays the bad card. And you’re again you’re you know you’re cooking, you’re doing the dishes, you’re giving her space giving her some alone time, etc. She’s on, you know, Instagram or with friends. This pattern starts to repeat: five days becomes six, six days become a, you know, week a week becomes two, etc., and subconscious, like we were talking about with the dopamine, hit in the slot machine. Your wife’s consistently played the bad card until the guy reaches a boiling point. This is what happens for a lot of our guys, right? They snap. I’m not going to put up with this and it isn’t going to happen, you know, I need to get laid, or I need this or I need that. So then the wife goes what she does. She plays the good card. She plays a good card twice. The dopamine hit, maybe three times dopamine hit. And then you’re chill, you’re happy your consent. Everything’s good in your world. Then she plays the bad card. You let it slide. Then she plays the bad card again. No, not a big deal. And the cycle starts to repeat. And what happens is the time gap between when for a lot of these guys they’re having sex, or their wife quote-unquote, plays the good card grows now may grow by a day between sessions and maybe grow by a week until the man find themselves months for some guys years, and their wife’s been playing the bad card the entire time. And now they’re stuck into a pattern of being where their identity is around being the nice guy pulling the slot machine just hoping to get laid, hoping to have a partnership pulling the slot machine hoping to have been that power couple that they’ve solved before. It’s pulling the slot machine hoping to get the respect and admiration from their wife, like look at all the things that I’m doing. And these things come fewer and farther between. So this good, bad game combined with the dopamine hit in the slot machine. And the guy is a nice guy who creates a pattern almost like an eddy when you’re if you ever go whitewater rafting or what have you heard the waters just swirling around in this pattern. And then someone gets shot out into the next Eddy. And it repeats itself time and time again. And then the guys feel trapped. Right? And it’s no, it’s no, no fault of their own. Right. It’s not the guys that did this, they’ve been taught through pattering. And just you know, getting the dopamine hit the hormones in the body, which is the way to be. Right, this is the way to do it. And don’t put your foot down because you know, it’s legitimate, your wife had a headache, or it’s legitimate, you know, this was going on, she wanted to see your girlfriend’s, and she’s lonely, and it’s COVID. Or she wants to walk the dogs or what have you. There are legitimate excuses. But what their needs aren’t getting met. And they haven’t put their foot down to have that conversation. Things are very, very different.
Tim Matthews 16:36
So it’s interesting because I had a conversation as you know, with Amelia’s video last time this morning, where I put my foot down. But I was not the parent to describe what came out of it, I found it interesting, and she said this to be fair, she’s like, Look, we’ve got to find a way because she followed her needs won’t be met either. I thought that, you know, I was making them quite frankly; I still think credit. But anyway, she says, look, let’s find a way to communicate this before it gets to a boiling point for either of us because you know, you’re blown up and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So no, we came up with a plan for a solution yet because we’re not done yet. Because my immediate thought when he said that is okay, so how would you recommend the guys communicate and put the foot down in a firmware early enough on without letting it without being reactive, right. And we’ll also without learning slide, without learning gone too long. And naturally, in the conversation, I’m going to think of myself right. And the solution of a plane that Amelia and I have come up with is to certain things that we’re going to do, or we’re going to be doing kind of like an agreement, certain things in a relationship, not about doing dishes or anything, but just our importance, each of us, for her to have her needs met me to have my needs met. And the mistake we made previously was that the agreement wasn’t the right type of agreement. Whereas now, we’ve agreed on certain things happening on certain not sex, by the way, but certain things happening on certain days, that create the environment for things to happen. Let me be more clear, at certain times of day, once a week, let’s say the point being is because we’re now both clear on that. If one of us isn’t there, and now in the past, I’ve reminded Amelia, I’ve waited while Amelia has been let laying going to be happening in the future. She’s not there on time, I’m not going to wait around. And I’m also not going to remind her, it’s up to her. For this to be a priority, to be the point I’m making with this is, and I’m kind of answering my question here. With me, I think what I get to do in particular for myself is speak out when those things don’t happen at that time, as we both agreed that it’s a case of Hey, this didn’t happen. No, why not? Oh, and on. And then obviously, I have a choice as to how long I want to continue tolerating that if it continues to happen, right?
Doug Holt 19:33
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Tim Matthews 20:13
I’m curious, you know, again, but it’s my question for the guys listening, how would they how would you recommend they put their foot down in a way that’s not reactive, so not in response to something going to miss ones, but also without letting them drag it on for days or weeks? And calmly? Right. So it’s the messages heard, and they’re in there to maintain their boundaries.
Doug Holt 20:42
Well, That’s a great question, man. I think first of all, guys, if you found yourself in this situation for longer than, let’s just say, a month, you’re definitely in what we call deactivated. Right? You’re just deactivated, and it’s not a good thing, but it’s not. I’m not calling your name, right? Or pushing. Just recognize the state that you’re in, and you need to get activated, right? I think The Activation Method‘s the best way of doing that. However, you need to be able to stand in. Your power, and as you said, Tim, you’re not just reactive. When you’re activated, what happens? I had a business associate and a friend over uh last night, and we’re sitting on the couch just talking. The kids are asleep, and this particular guy bought a very, very nice bottle of scotch. And so we’re trying it’s something I haven’t tried before. It was unique. Uhm, and so we’re enjoying it, and the conversation goes, he and my wife are talking about their love of chocolate. And I bought some nice chocolates a while ago. Now I’m not a chocolate guy, so it’s no temptation for me. Tim, I know you love it. Uhm, but my wife goes, oh, she was like yeah. She’s like do you want some chocolates? He’s like, I would never turn down the kind that I have, and she looks at me and says, oh, they’re in the cupboard. You know honey, there, the chocolates are still in the cupboard, and I look at her, and I just started laughing. Yes, they are, that’s what I said. I laughed, and she immediately said I’ll get them right, but what she was trying to do they caught a fitness test or a shit test, and she was saying, I want chocolate, he wants chocolate. Doug, why don’t you get up off of your seat and get us chocolates. That was the subtext. The reaction that I had was I didn’t think about it until you’re just talking about this. But the reaction was basically Hahaha, that’s funny, right. And that’s all I did was give her a look like, huh? You’re funny about me getting them. And she immediately recognized we have a dynamic as such that she should get up and get the chocolates that she wants. And she did, and it was as simple as that, and I bring this up because it’s your actions that are more important than your words, right? Putting your foot down, saying, look, I will not take this anymore. This is not fair. It’s BS, right? She knows it is. It’s your actions that do it, so I’ll use
Tim Matthews 23:09
Hey, just before you move on, yeah, would there have been a time at all when you should have made that request, and you might have just, you know, got them?
Doug Holt 23:20
Sure. Sure. So if she said, babe, would you mind just getting the chocolates for me? You know, my, you know, if there was something like she’s working out again, so we had a baby, and she’s getting back into it. So she’s super sore. You know, things like that a bit. Yeah, no problem. No big deal. But we’re enjoying a conversation. I got a glass of scotch in my hand. You know, she’s not sore. She’s got her feet propped up, and we have a nice Ottoman and couch. You know she’s, she’s comfy. Right? And I’m comfortable too. So that that just wasn’t acceptable for me, you know, if she would have started whining, which a lot of women do, and I used to get caught up in this a lot Tim’s like, Oh, come on, honey, please. You know, that kind of thing. Like a little girl. That’s guys when you double down and say no, that’s manipulation. And women have been taught the skill of manipulation since they were little kids. And remember, for most women’s
Tim Matthews 24:19
imagining a woman listening to
Doug Holt 24:22
true.
Tim Matthews 24:24
We’ve been taught this skill of manipulation for years.
Doug Holt 24:27
It is subconsciously. Yeah, to get with you guys have been trying. Since a woman turns like 13, she’s had some guy trying to get into her pants. Right? And that’s a young bag, and just somebody is a 13-year-old boy, 14-year-old boy, whatever. So women have had to develop, you know, reactive mechanisms. And one of the things that women have subconsciously learned is that when they’re sweet or do this, they can get boys to do things. Well, those little girls grow up to be grown, women. Alright. I think all women do this, right? conscious women don’t. But it is a skill. Just like guys know, if we puff our chest out, we act real tough. Sometimes we can get what we want from another guy, right? We can be domineering, and you subconsciously know it just happens. Anyway. So what can the guys do? Well, one is you got to get activated, guys. I mean that you got to learn who you are, what you deserve, and how to stand in your power in an effective way to get what you want. That’s not being a dick. Right? You’re being an actual real man, right? In that case, I just chuckled, laughed, right? I took a sip of my scotch. That was it. That was the end of that was the end of the dialogue. Right? And that’s an energetic shift. It’s a subtext. Nothing was said but an energetic shift. And everything was said in that silence. Right. And that chuckle going through there. There could be another case, and you might find yourself answering your question, Tim, what can the guys do? So maybe it’s your wife’s on Instagram, she’s on her phone on the couch. You come home from work? And the kids are hungry? And she’s expecting you to cook dinner again? I don’t know. Maybe you do it all the time. Or she was just expecting it. She’s not working? What have you? You just simply don’t do it. Right? Take care of the kids, maybe get yourself something but don’t make her food. If she says, why just go? Look, you’re a grown woman. You know, this isn’t working for me. And then you can have a conversation about it. We have a captive conversation about it from engaged indifference. Engaging in difference simply means you’re engaged in the conversation, but you’re indifferent to the outcome. Great, Should she stay? Should she go? Whatever. I’m a great guy, a great catch. But don’t go from that ego jerk. I’m a great catch. I’m successful. I’m good-looking. I’m smart. We come from that standpoint, and you can do it, you can know it, we come from that standpoint, she’s going to feel it. Right then puts her in scarcity. Now you’re playing a game. But if you come from a place like, Look, you know, you’re home all day, you can make dinner, I’m out working, or maybe your wife works, too. So you guys figure that out. But if you have an agreement, then she doesn’t she doesn’t eat. She’s going to make her food. And you can come back, you just basically you’re putting your foot down like this, this is this. I’m stopping this. Right? And the same thing. If you’re not having sex in your marriage and your wife still on her phone and doing these things. Just stop. Put your foot down. Speak louder. Right, then you’re just your words. Right? Hey, going out with the guys. See you. What, what were you going out and then walking out. I mean, I caught myself in this situation, as we’ve talked about in the podcast early on when I was trying to figure out my marriage and The Powerful Man didn’t exist at the time, unfortunately for me, and so we had to figure all these things out. But you got to get reactivated, and then you got to take kind of the paradigm back. And it doesn’t mean you. You’re the powerful Almighty king of your castle, and your wife has to do all your bidding. I’m not saying that at all. We talked about the good card and the bad card. It’s best when I play my good card. My wife plays her good card. We are operating at our best as a couple. Sometimes I do play the bad card, right? So sometimes I am a lazy sob. And sometimes she is, but they’re very few and far between. Right, and that’s acceptable. It’s okay for her to be low on energy because she’s on her menstrual cycle or whatever.Cool. I got you, and I got this. Right. And she’s doing the same thing. Ah, you know, when we were doing us, we did The Alpha Reset. Tim, she wants me to spend an extra day away. So I can recharge my batteries because it takes a lot out of us coaches. Right. We’ve developed that dynamic over time. And it’s by becoming activated again, going from deactivated to activated, and then letting your actions speak louder. In your words. It’s one thing to say I don’t accept this. It’s another thing to let your actions showcase that you don’t accept it. Big difference. Does that make sense?
Tim Matthews 29:08
Oh, complete sense. Yeah. It’s interesting. I spoke with Arthur this morning. He said many things. I shared it with you yesterday as well. He said he when it sounds to meet him as you might care more than her. I was interested in why if you careless, I was like, it doesn’t mean necessarily about sex, per se. But just to give the listeners a bit of context here. I feel like I know that I made an effort to meet Amelia’s needs because her needs are important to me, right? She’s important to me. Not from a place of self-sacrifice. But just from Hey, there’s two or three things that I know that If I do them in the day, that is important. Right? So that means I plan my morning routine. And I’ve planned around one of those things for a day. I fit it in and do other things. Anyway, the point I’m making is I haven’t felt that would be reciprocated. And that’s, that’s my version of it. Right. Amelia has a very nice pocket by this morning. Long story short, though. He said, Well, you know, what, if you care less so with that for a little bit, I can now And anyway, to the point after we had the conversation this morning, in the past, I think I would have gone to her because you know, I don’t want to see her crying and upset and impacts I led a very clear boundary in a very calm way and now I slept. I slept in a separate bed last night and didn’t see her. I just left, just No, No. This is not unacceptable for me. And after we had the conversation this morning, I could see that, you know, she was upset again, obviously, you know, I don’t want to see her upset. So my natural inclination is to want to go and hug her or whatever. And I’ll just stop. No. I’m going to, I’m just going to leave you in it. And I just walked out of the room, in the end, General the bit right there. And then, while she got up and started doing the dishes and things, she journaled why she just thought about and already agreed upon. Then, I walked out of the room and went to work out, have a sauna and things like that, and then get ready for my day. And then she came in, she’s like, oh, we’re not going to, you know, we’re not going to makeup, and I’m like, Yeah, cool. Suppose you can come here if you want. I’m not going to, you know, we made up a little bit shy. So mean, you were so mean? Oh, yeah. I’m just like, just Oh, like, cool. You can think that. It’s just where I stand. You know, it seems to have I didn’t say this, but I knew from her saying you saw mean, perfect. It’s the message that was delivered. So yeah, anyway, the point I’m making is it stopped. And the last point, yes, I get it. And caring less is a fine line for me, at least. Because naturally, I think in the past in previous relationships, and even at the beginning of this one to a degree, I think I could easily fall into the nice guy trap because I can be so easy to go in at times. And I can let things slide. And that strength serves me so well in many areas and works against me and my relationship. So I’ve had to consciously work on strengthening that muscle of boundary, and like you sell, and your actions speak louder than words. And as a result, Yeah, it does. It does feel great. When you talk about the activated versus activated, it resonates. It resonates not on a word, our language level will resonate with what feels right when somebody moves from now nice guy to The Powerful Man. Let’s just say that, right? Dr. Wolf? It is that feeling of almost being like a bit of a ghost in your own life. Not being able to take control of it, but you taking control in business and your health and but it’s one area seems to be very near to then, you know, be activated and suddenly like, Ah, okay, he started to get a lot more output for a lot less effort.
Doug Holt 33:46
Yeah, I mean, that’s exactly what it is. And I want to thank you for your sharing, you know, your conversation with me yesterday, I share it with my wife, and we had great sex afterward. So you have to sleep in separate beds, I apologize. But it worked out well. So guys, you know, if you find yourself in this situation, right, and you’re looking at this, you fight, you go crap, I’m the nice guy playing the slot machine hoping to get a payout. Right, and the payouts are going. If I look back over the last year, payouts are fewer and farther between, right? What a lot of guys are finding out is that COVID is here. And a lot of guys had this idea. Well, I’m going to be working from home, we’re going to be home together, we’re going to be getting it on a lot more. And the opposite happened less sex. Right? So guys, if you find yourself in this, there’s a couple of things one, you need to get activated. Just when the Met has been deactivated. No worries. Work on getting activated, standing in your power, and realize what card you’re playing. What card Your wife is playing. Is she playing the good card or the bad card? Which one are you playing? Typically in the relationship? And last, the last one I’m going to say is take a stand for yourself. Actions speak louder than words, and actions speak louder than words, the way that you act and take a stand for yourself, guys. And this goes with every area of your life, right? Every territory, self-health, wealth, relationships in business, every territory, your actions, and what you do is going to say a lot more to the world and to your wife than what you say, the words coming out of your mouth. Right? Take the stand for yourself, folks. Gentlemen, that’s a wrap for us on The Powerful Man show. As always, go over to ThePowerfulMan.com/Bonus to get free training. That’s ThePowerfulMan.com/Bonus. And if you’re inclined, join us in the Facebook group as we continue the conversation, some great conversations going on over there that want you guys to be involved as well. As always, make a great week. Always take action. We’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man show.
