The Power of Celebrating Wins: Break Free from the Drift

Episode #1092

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Transcription

Doug Holt 0:00
Celebrate the work you've done. And a lot of guys don't do that.

Tim Matthews 0:04
It's so easy to get sucked into the trap of what's wrong, what's not working.

Doug Holt 0:09
Start catching people, including ourselves, boys, doing things right.

Tim Matthews 0:15
Can we challenge them to be generous with the wins?

Doug Holt 0:19
Proximity, right? You're surrounding yourself with other great men.

Tim Matthews 0:22
And if you can't, do it yourself and put yourself in an environment with other men.

Doug Holt 0:26
Catch your wife doing something right five times every day.

Doug Holt 0:41
Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the TPM Show. I am, once again, joined by my partner in crime, Mr. Tim Matthews. How you doing, brother?

Tim Matthews 0:51
I'm doing well. It's good to be here with you. I'm really enjoying it. I really am. It's been a while since we've recorded. I think, you know, the last online podcast that we did was the 1,000th episode.

Doug Holt 1:03
Did we do that one online? I thought we did it in person.

Tim Matthews 1:06
I didn't crack a beer, and that was back in summer.

Doug Holt 1:10
Okay, okay. Good times. Should we crack a beer now?

Tim Matthews 1:17
Calm down.

Doug Holt 1:19
I’ve got a big day ahead, so not for me.

Tim Matthews 1:22
It was like perfect timing. So obviously, we were just brainstorming before the episode, as we tend to do, as to what we wanted to go over. And I was bringing up one of the coaching calls I was on yesterday with one of the men that we're working with one-on-one. Amazing guy. He's really been doing the work lately.

To give him a little bit of a slap around the head, virtually. Oh, you were actually there, actually, in the boardroom in Napa. It was the idea that, you know, showing up to the calls is the easy bit. The work happens in between the calls, not on the calls. So anyway, he took that to heart. He's been very diligent with doing the work the past eight weeks, and he's made huge progress.

His energy is different. His family is responding to him differently. He's being received differently. He's just on a really good path. Anyway, yesterday we jump on, he's sharing his wins with me, and we're going through them. And he's having these huge wins, and he's sharing them like they're just kind of nothing. So I stopped him, and I'm like, let's just break down that one win there and look at what went into that win happening.

And when we actually broke it down, he was gobsmacked. He's like, holy crap. I'd never even seen it that way. But he still wanted to rush on and just brush over it. I'm like, no, no, dude. Let's just linger with it a little bit longer, please.

And it's just so common. We see it all the time with the guys, these high achievers, these go-getters that are so committed to whatever outcome it may be. They achieve the outcome and rush to the next. Which I get. I understand why. But at the same time, it can very easily have them live in what we call the gap, right? The gap versus the gain.

And when we talk about the drift, I think there's a commonality here with the men just not seeing the wins, not seeing what's actually going on. And part of getting out of the drift is that they've got to change this mindset. They've got to change this mentality and have a different perspective so they can start to rebuild that self-confidence and really start to put the foundations in place to level up.

Doug Holt 3:36
Man, I've been there. I get there all the time, you know. Between that and dimming my light are the two things that I work on the most. Receiving, it can be extremely difficult.

Tim Matthews 3:50
So tell me more about that piece.

Doug Holt 3:55
Receiving being difficult. It feels awkward at times. I've done a lot of work on this, but if you asked me, gosh, 15 years ago, receiving a compliment would be tough. I don't even open, when people give me a gift, I don't open it up in front of them.

Tim Matthews 4:11
Even now today?

Doug Holt 4:15
Even today, I’ll do it more often, because I understand the value for the giver to watch me receive it, like open it and receive it now. So 10 years ago, five years ago, if you were to give me a wrapped gift in front of people, I would say, thanks, awesome man, really appreciate it, and that would be it. And then I’d go open it up later. It’s weird. It was just my thing. And it wasn’t because I was doing it consciously. I thought, oh, this is a gift. I should open it not in front of people, because, you know, what is it? And what have you. Is it going to make other people feel bad that they didn’t get a gift from Tim Matthews? Whatever.

Compliments, too, are really hard for guys. Not all guys, but most men. And I can speak from me. It used to be very difficult. So I would downplay it. Like, wow, you know, business, you know. Or something like, wow, you’re so smart. Ah, you know, it’s not that difficult. Or, you know, just brush it off, brush it off, and go through it. It was tough, man.

Coach Neil got me so good. Not this last Alpha Reset, but the one before. We were there, and shoot, it was Neil and Steve, I think. Anyway, I came in to say hi to the guys, right? That was at the end of the reset. I came in to say hi. It was Neil and Steve, and they said, no, no, you can’t leave yet. Because I was getting ready. I was like, hey guys, nice to meet you. How was it? The guys are on cloud nine. It’s day three, the end of the event, and these guys are pumped. They’re jacked. They’re out of the drift, right?

So all the men are just feeling the best they’ve ever felt in their lives, probably at that point. And so I just come in, say hi, stay five, ten minutes, and leave. And they go, no, no, no, no, no. Sit down. And they sat me in the middle of the room and had each guy go around and say basically what I meant to them and their journey in their lives.

And Colton was there. Colton, who does our videography. And he started tearing up and crying about how much I meant to him. And it’s like Neil and the coaches. I was like, come on, guys. It was so heartfelt, man. And I just sat there and reminded myself to receive, to receive beautifully, to not deflect.

I grew up in a house with two older brothers, seven and ten years older than me. And so you get a compliment, you deflect it with a joke, right? You know, Tim tells me how good looking I am, and I say, well, geez, man, considering the way you look, that’s not really a compliment, or whatever. You make a joke about it, and you move on, and everybody laughs or chuckles. That’s the way I grew up, and that’s the way I was.

And I think I’ve pushed myself so much by pain to achieve what I’ve achieved that when you start receiving the pleasure, it just feels foreign. It feels unusual. It feels awkward. It feels cumbersome. It used to, like I said. I’m much better at it now. And a lot of it has to do with TPM, because I’m fortunate enough, and I’m sure you are too, Tim, that once a week or so I get a guy that reaches out saying, hey, you’ve changed my life, or you’ve saved my life. That’s huge, man.

So I take those to heart. Like when I get a message in our private community, in our app, and a guy says, hey, I just want you to know. I hear this, it’s the same thing. I’m sure you hear this all the time. I just want to let you know. And I’m like, well, I don’t hear it all the time. And it feels good each time I hear it, because it’s reaffirming the work that we do. This is the legacy work I’ve chosen to plant my flag in, so to speak, is helping men so they can help their families. But that receiving part is tough.

Tim Matthews 8:25
I think, you know, coming back to the drift, the guys have typically been so pushed by pain that when the pain is no longer there, because they’ve become comfortable or they feel as though they’ve proven themselves in some way, it’s alien. It’s like, well, where is the drive going to come from? Because they’ve not yet figured out how to be pulled by pleasure either, right?

They’ve not been able to fully tap into and surrender to it, because there’s a big element of surrender that comes with being pulled by pleasure. It’s a very different feeling to be inspired and to trust that lightness and not have the chaos that necessarily comes with it the entire time.

It actually came up on the Inner Circle call today. Inner Circle, for those of you that don’t know, is a high-end mastermind where guys invest, you know, six figures to be in it. But coming back to this one-on-one guy, I think it’s a similar thing, right? He’s wanting to brush off the win. He’s wanting to overlook it.

But I think the other thing for him as well is because he has been so pushed by pain, one of the shadows that shows up for him is the guy that’s basically never satisfied. But that’s the way in which he’s been driven. That’s the way in which he’s been able to go out and achieve more. So the idea of relaxing into receiving and accepting it, well, what does that mean? What does that mean to him? It’s foreign. It’s weird. It opens up many questions..

Doug Holt 10:00
Which guy you’re talking about. I’ve got something for him, which I could throw your way if you’d like. But I was that way in my marriage too, man. And so my wife, Erin, would say, like, she’s like, just receive, just receive it, you know. And I would brush off her compliments.

What was happening in my marriage, though, was it was making her feel insignificant, right? Because she was giving me a gift of a compliment, which, guys that are married, you know how often you get them from your wives. But she was giving me a gift of a compliment, and I would brush it off, which then would dim her light. It’s like giving a gift and having Doug take it and just set it aside, right? You can make it mean all kinds of things. Oh, he doesn’t want it. I’m not good enough to give him a gift, or what have you. You guys feel free to mail any gifts you want.

But the thing is, I diminished it for her, and that caused issues in our marriage, right? And it causes issues in all relationships. You get to learn how to do it. What I’m saying is receiving and getting those confidence boosts and not just moving on, but taking a moment to integrate and celebrate.

That was also something I wasn’t great at. I would crush it. You know, if you’re a business owner, you know how this feels. You are hanging on by the skin of your teeth. I mean, the company is about to fold. You’re hitting refresh on your bank account to see if you’re going to make payroll. I was in that situation. And then you hit that huge contract. You sign that deal on the bottom line. You get the contract that’s going to keep you afloat for the next six months, a year, six weeks, whatever it is. You’re like, man, can you guys just wire that to me instead of mailing me a check? That kind of feeling.

And then you do that. You crush it. You’re like, yes, this feels so much better. Okay, what’s next? And you go on, rather than taking time to actually celebrate all that it took to get that lead, that sale, that client, or whatever else it is in your life, and really celebrate it.

So we have guys going through The Activation Method, which is our program for relationships. And guys will be like, we call it bagels, but guys will be intimate. Now, it’s not about the sex. It’s the fact that their wife trusted them and wanted to be with them and was open to them, and that it led to intimacy. Sex is kind of like, we know that’s what happened, right?

And a guy will say that and be like, it was great. It was amazing. Anyway. And you’re like, dude, you haven’t had sex in four years with your wife. Celebrate this. You’ve done a lot of work. And again, it’s not about the sex, right? A lot of guys think they’re coming in for sex, but you want passion. You want your wife to respect you. You want intimacy. You want her to feel safe. You want her to feel seen. And so that’s the byproduct.

You’re now getting the result of she’s seeing you, she’s trusting you, she’s loving you, she’s respecting you, and so now she’s being intimate. She’s sharing an intimate moment with you. Celebrate the work you’ve done. And a lot of guys don’t do that.

Here’s the flip side. Most people, most men, are really good at diving into their shadows when they’re guided by a coach that’s good. And Tim, you’re great at doing this. So when they’re guided by their coach to do the shadow work, awesome. They’re willing to go there. It takes time. It’s hard. It’s difficult.

What’s more difficult is golden shadow work. Not shadow work, not golden showers. This becomes a joke with every client I work on this with, for some reason. Bunch of 14-year-old boys, right? But the golden shadow work can be more difficult for guys, because one is the receiving, but it’s also the golden shadow. It’s easy to dismiss.

Tim Matthews 13:58
When you say that, I can guess what you mean by golden shadow, but to be clear, what do you mean when you say golden shadow?

Doug Holt 14:05
Yeah, so you have shadow work, which is Jungian work. And so that is looking at your dark shadow, like the dark side, the side of you that you probably don’t want, that comes out when things aren’t good. We do an exercise with guys called the stick man exercise too, to talk about their shadow at TPM.

The golden shadow is the opposite. That’s the king work, right? That’s the part of you that comes out when you’re at your best. And so something I’ll have guys do, I’ve got one of my guys I work with one-on-one doing this right now, is focus on the golden shadow. What is that? Who are you?

So the shadow work is who are you when you show up in all your shadows, identifying all of them. And there are many shadows. Same thing with the golden shadow. There are many golden versions of you. But when you’re at your best, who are you? How do you show up? Collect evidence for that.

You’re a great father, collect evidence. You’re a great businessman, collect evidence. You’re a great lover, a great husband, whatever it is for you, collect that evidence. And lo and behold, when you collect that evidence and you don’t dismiss it, like you were saying this guy was doing previously, and you actually celebrate it, you take time, you write it down, your wins, what’s going on, you get more of them.

You get more of what you focus on. If you’re focused on being in debt, guess what? You’re going to have a lot of stress around money. If you focus on abundance, I’m not saying all of a sudden you’re going to be rich, but opportunities start to come up. And what happens is you just start to notice them more.

The analogy we always use is this. We’ve all done this, right? You’re going out to buy a new car or truck, and nobody has it in midnight black. Nobody’s got it. So you’re like, heck, I’m going to get this truck. You go down to the dealer, and they’ve got one left on the lot. Only one. Midnight black. So you buy the truck, and you’re stoked.

You start to drive home, and there’s a black truck. Midnight black. There’s another black one. You see them everywhere. All of a sudden, you’re like, what the heck? Did everybody go out today and buy this black truck? No. You just started tuning in to black trucks.

That’s the same with your wins. When you tune into them, you start seeing more wins. You start having more. If you want to focus on losses, your marriage being bad, being stuck in the drift, you’re going to get more of that too.

Tim Matthews 16:37
It’s always really cool to see on the group calls, right? Whether it’s the Inner Circle or the Brotherhood, or whatever it may be. When there’s a guy that’s new to the program that’s just coming out of the drift, and the guys are doing the check-in, and they’ll share the wins, lessons, improvements, that kind of thing, it can be really difficult for the guy that’s coming out of the drift to want to actually name his wins for various reasons. Either he plays them down, or they’re not to his standard, or he doesn’t feel worthy of them, or whatever it is.

But the really cool thing that happens is when all the other guys stop him and say, hang on a minute. You’ve just given us a check-in of your week, followed up by only one or two wins, and you complain you don’t have any wins yet. In your check-in, there was this win, and that win, and the other win. And the guys just, oh, the penny drops.

And he wants to resist it at first and fight for his stories. No, that isn’t a win because of this. This isn’t a win because of that. And the guys say, hey, no, that’s not okay. That is a win. You’ve got to accept it.

Doug Holt 17:48
I want to buy you a gift. Look, if your marriage is struggling, and let’s be real, every marriage struggles at some point, but yours is struggling where you’ve lost that love, admiration, respect, I want to help you. I want to buy you a copy of the book that I wrote, A Man’s Guide on How to Save Your Marriage Without Talking About It.

In here, I’ve distilled over eight years of programs that we’ve developed at TPM to help men just like you save their marriages without talking about it. There’s no fluff, no BS. It’s an action plan that you can start using today to actually save your marriage and bring that love and respect back into your family, back into your house. You deserve it.

Look, all I ask is you pay the postage. You pay the shipping. I’ll buy the book for you that way. You can take massive action today. Click the link or find it in the bio and get your copy.

Tim Matthews 18:40
Now, just going back to the other point I was making. So the client this week, when we were going through it, he was trying to brush it off. And we were breaking down everything that went into that one situation and why it was a win.

The win was to do with his wife, and it was a huge deal for her to do what she did for him. And he’s kind of in a bit of relationship debt to her right now. You know, the emotional bank account is overdrawn, so to speak. So for her to make the bid for connection that she did was even bigger than if it had just been a normal situation.

So when I started to break this down for him, and I started to share with him, how do you think she might have felt by you just brushing this off as not a big deal, because it didn’t show up in the way that you expected it to be packaged? Bagels. It’s not good enough. Like, how would you expect to get more if you’re not willing to accept the small things and appreciate them and call them out?

And you know, it landed for him. It was a real aha moment. He’s transposed the drift into his marriage. He’s wanting to push away the small wins. It’s not going to happen.

Doug Holt 19:58
I think I know which guy you’re talking about. He’s a great guy, and he deserves it. And I get it, though, too.

And you know, when we get men in a group environment, we talked about this in our previous episode, proximity, right? You’re surrounding yourself with other great men. And what happens sometimes is, let’s just say you’re not getting laid, Tim, and you know your business isn’t going well, and maybe you’re complaining about something. Life isn’t running on all cylinders for you. You and I are on a call. I’m having an amazing marriage. Things are going great for me.

Guys will have a tendency not to share those wins because they want to dim their light for the other man. Now, the difference in TPM higher-level groups, not just mastermind groups, because there’s coaching and edge coaching groups, the Brotherhood, the Inner Circle, and the one-on-one work, those guys are playing at such a high level that they celebrate. They pull each other forward.

You know, they’ll say, hey, I’m crushing it over here. I’m sorry things aren’t going well for you, man. Let’s get you back on track. But I’m crushing it over here. And the guy that’s not on track is still celebrating his friends, his brothers, right? They’re still celebrating everybody’s wins, and then they focus on getting everybody back on track where they need to go.

I love the fact that the other men called him forward and said, hey, that’s a win. You know, the higher level you go up, right? The Inner Circle, these guys invest a significant amount of capital. It’s not cheap. They invest a significant amount of time. There’s a lot of work to be done, calls and everything else. And those guys tend to play at a very high level. They don’t mess around.

They will call you forward like nobody’s business. Like nobody’s business. I got a message from one of them, and apparently he was lone-wolfing it. And the other guys called him, started calling him, hey, what are you doing? And they shook him out of it. And he needed it. He was thankful for it.

And that’s it, man. That’s having proximity. It’s also having direction. And having you as a coach, Tim, as an example, leading those calls. You provide the framework for those guys and say, hey, look, man, you get to do the golden shadow work too. It’s easy to look at the gap. It’s easy to look at the gap between where you are today and where you want to go. Finding the gain is tough.

As a business leader myself, when someone comes to me, it’s easy for me to tell them all the things they’re doing wrong. It’s difficult to say the things they’re doing right.

I’ll end on this one. I was leading a coach through a T.A.R., teaching coaches how to lead these events. Coaches go through T.A.R.s, and it can take multiple years to get certified because they’re very intensive and we can guarantee a result. And there was another coach there. I was leading it, and I said, what do you need from me? This was day two.

He said, I need you to tell me what I’m doing right, not what I’m doing wrong. And I went, oh crap. I realized every debriefing was, hey, you missed this section. Hey, you forgot this. Hey, you could be more assertive. Speak louder. You saw this guy over here. I saw an opportunity.

He said, I just need you to tell me more of what I’m doing right. I was like, thank you. Thank you for being vulnerable and honest. I screwed up. I thought I was helping by pointing out the few things that could be improved because everything else was right.

And that’s what we get to do as men. Start catching people, including ourselves, doing things right.

Tim Matthews 24:01
It reminds me of the previous company I had, the fitness company. The first salesperson I hired was Amelia. I think this was the order it came in. So she had another job at the time. She left that job to come, and I needed some salespeople. So I was like, hey, come do this thing. In my naivety, I had to train her up on sales. She had zero experience in sales.

Doug Holt 24:36
So you just picked a pretty girl.

Tim Matthews 24:41
So she had a great personality, but I was with her at the time. Okay, I was already with her. But I was so intentional about the feedback that I was giving her and how I gave it. I was so aware, because I’m in a relationship with her, right? So I needed to be super mindful of how I was doing it.

So we’d break down the sales call every checkpoint. Okay, so what do you think you did well during that? And I’d just reinforce everything she did well. Okay, what’s one thing you think you could have done a little bit better? And it worked really well to get her trained up.

But it was so easy to fall into a different habit with other people that we trained up, right? Because, you know, I wasn’t going to be going home with them. There was less risk, I guess.

But it’s so true, right? Training yourself to see what you’re doing right, seeing what others are doing well, it’s so easy to get sucked into the trap of what’s wrong, what’s not working, and dwell on it.

And this is why the weekly review that we give the men as part of the call, that all the guys do in the Inner Circle and every other program, is so important. A big piece of that is, yes, to get a score for the week so they can actually see how well they’re doing. They’ve got a number out of 35.

And then the next question is, well, what have the wins been for the week? And we challenge them to be generous with the wins. Not just what are the top three wins, but what are all the wins? And what are the rules that they set around the wins to make it easy for themselves to win, so they can stack them?

And then what are the two or three key lessons? And then what’s the one improvement? And it’s in that process of them actually training themselves to have that kind of lens and actually sit with it and write them out and catch the wins, and putting themselves in an environment with other men where they’re challenged and called out and called forward and encouraged, that over time they work that muscle.

And it’s a key element of getting out of the drift. The drift has become such an easy place for victimhood to show up, like life happens to me. This is just the way it is. And also martyrdom. I’ve done all this for them, and they don’t appreciate it. Or I did all this for us, and now I’m left behind, or whatever it may be.

And the quality of the questions the men are asking themselves in the drift are not very good. They start asking themselves, what’s wrong with me, or why can’t I fix this, or whatever it may be. And the mind is going to find answers to whatever question you ask it. So if you ask it, what’s wrong with me, you’re going to get a whole list of things that are wrong with you. If you ask it, what am I doing well, then you’re going to get a whole list of things you’re doing well.

You’re not going to get out of the drift by living in the gap. You’ve got to shift it. And if you can’t do it yourself, put yourself in an environment with other men that are modeling this for you. Because some guys feel like it’s arrogant to do. That’s a big thing that comes up for the guys. They don’t want to be too arrogant, which kind of goes to your point about not wanting to shine the light too bright.

And for some guys, it feels uncomfortable too, to your point about receiving at the beginning. But I think if you put yourself in an environment where you see people that you respect, whose results you might want to emulate, and you see them doing it, it kind of normalizes it. And it makes it easier for you to do it for yourself as well.

Doug Holt 28:24
I couldn’t agree more, man. And just in this conversation, I’m reflecting. I remember a coach that I had, Bill Perlman, back in my early 20s for my business. And I would meet with him in Santa Barbara, a little cafe off Figueroa, really cool place, open air, meeting for breakfast once a week. Bill is one of the most successful people I’ve ever met, and he was in his 70s. And so we’d meet once a week.

And I remember complaining about my staff to Bill. Remember, I’m in my early 20s. I’m a young business guy. And Bill goes, here’s your homework. I’m like, all right, Bill. I got my guy hat on at that time, and I had the biggest journal you could imagine. I was getting ready to write all Bill’s wisdom down, you know?

And he goes, catch them in the act five times every day. Catch your staff doing something right. Catch them five times doing something right. Train them that learned behavior. And that served me so well.

And when I remember it now, guys who are listening, if you’re struggling in your marriage, catch your wife doing something right five times every day. Catch your kids doing something right five times every day. Catch your staff or your business guys doing something right five times a day. More importantly than all of that, catch yourself doing something right five times a day. Write it down. Write it.

I had a coaching call earlier, and I asked the guy I was working with, I go, have you been doing the golden shadow work I walked you through? He goes, I’ve kind of been doing it in my head every day. Not good enough, bro. That’s not good enough for me. And you know my coaching style. It’s very direct.

Tim Matthews 30:20
And I’m just doing it in my head.

Doug Holt 30:23
No. I went off on one like that. That doesn’t work for me. That’s not going to happen.

Tim Matthews 30:28
What’s so good? I stopped doing it.

Doug Holt 30:32
Exactly. So you get to do that. Catch yourself five times and watch how everybody around you changes. Watch how you change. You’ll start getting the behavior that you want.

Rather, as businessmen, especially businessmen, but as men in general, right, we have a program called Navigate, which is for non-business owners. So it’s a track within TPM that allows non-business owners, because we get thousands of inquiries every month, to go through and get similar, if not the same, results. It’s a different program. It’s run differently, but nonetheless.

But for you business guys especially, you are amazing at finding the gaps. You’re great at it. This is what you do. You find the problems, right? Your brain is focused on the problems. Remember the truck analogy. If you’re always looking for problems, guess what? You’re going to find problems every time.

And you’re training the people around you to be on edge. You’re training them that they are a problem, that they’re an issue, that what they’re doing is a problem. Imagine living with someone who always thinks you’re a problem. That would suck. That’s what your wife’s going through right now, man, or your kids, or you.

So reverse that five times. It’s my challenge to you. I’m going to call you guys out, and I’m going to challenge you. For you guys that are in the app, you’re in our private community app, pull out your phones and start a thread. Hey, Doug, heard you. Heard you and Tim. Here are five things I did right. I dare you.

If you’re not in the app, we do have a free book community for those people that bought our book, A Man’s Guide on How to Save Your Marriage Without Talking About It. You can go over there. We have a way that gets you into that section. I challenge you guys the same thing. One post.

I know how many people listen to this podcast. Last year we had over a million downloads. That’s a lot of you guys. How many are you actually going to take action? That’s the question. Five things. Catch yourself doing five things.

Now, if you’re not going to do that, you don’t care. Fine. Do it yourself. Do it for yourself. Five things that you’re doing right. Being with Tim and I right now, that’s one. You are bettering yourself by being in this room. This is proximity, so to speak, for you.

If your marriage sucks, five things your wife is doing well. And I would even double down and say, hey, five reasons your marriage is awesome. And if you’re in it, you’re in it, because I’ve been in it with my marriage. I did this. I would say, you know what? I don’t have to worry about my kids with my wife. That’s a plus. That’s great. Start small. Make it easy.

Do it with your kids. And over time, over a period of time, say 30 days, sometimes longer, sometimes shorter, things around you are going to start changing and evolving. Things around you will start changing or evolving.

And we have men in our programs do just this, depending on the program you’re in. So this is a key. We give everything away for free on these podcasts, guys. The difference is the program has a methodology and a guided coach guiding you through every step of the way, so if you get confused, you don’t fall off, etc. So you’re guaranteed the results, so to speak.

But this is an easy thing for you to do today, right now, in this moment.

Tim Matthews 33:59
Do you know what’s really fascinating is that there’s a listen to you here, which I love. I agree. Obviously, there are going to be so many men that listen to this and think, oh, that sounds good, and don’t do anything. There are going to be so many people that listen to it and say, I’ve heard that before. You know, obviously, that’s obvious, Duncan Tim. Now, this isn’t anything new. Okay, well, are you doing it?

So few people actually do the thing consistently. It kind of goes to the point, it worked so good I stopped doing it. What if you actually did the basics and did them consistently? We’re talking about having a positive outlook, where you catch people in the habit of doing things right and you appreciate it, maybe even express it to them. Super simple to do, yet so few people do it.

Doug Holt 34:52
I’m having a busy day today, right? Lots going down in my world. My wife left the house, dropped the kids off, swung by the store, because when I have busy days, I drink more coffee, and she picked me up a can of natural watermelon juice. Friggin’ delicious, by the way.

Then she came down here right before you and I started recording, and she said, hey, I got this for you because I want you to stay hydrated. That’s because I catch her doing things right. If I want more of that, I’ve got to say, thanks so much, babe. It’s awesome of you.

I went upstairs and we had a few other conversations about stuff that I won’t say on the air, but you know, those are things. I catch her doing the right thing. She’s going to keep doing that. Why not? Vice versa for me. If she catches me doing stuff right, I want to do more of that stuff. It’s human nature.

But you, Tim, and you, Doug, and you, listener, we get to catch ourselves doing stuff right. That’s the key. My wife’s amazing at this. We get to raise our light so much that other people can see through their own darkness. You don’t have to be boastful or braggadocious. You don’t have to be a dick about it. But don’t dim your light.

If you have a win, share it. And I guarantee a guy that’s in a dark spot, yes, he may go and compare himself. He might. And maybe that’s what he needs. But I will tell you also that my true friends celebrate my wins, regardless of where they’re at in life. They might say, man, I wish I had that too. And I’ll say, man, I wish you did too.

I wish you had a great marriage. I wish you had a thriving business that you loved. I wish you were living your dreams. Let’s do it. How can I help? That’s what good friends are about, and that’s what brothers are about. And that’s why we have a program called the Brotherhood, where you surround yourself with men like that who don’t dim their light. They shine it brightly, and they want you to turn up your own amplitude.

Tim Matthews 37:02
Well said. Well said.

Doug Holt 37:05
Anything you want to leave these men with, Tim?

Tim Matthews 37:07
Just do the work. Just do the work. It’s so easy to do and so easy not to do. It’s hard to stay stuck. It’s hard to move forward. Choose your hard. Just do the work.

Don’t overlook this. Whatever you need to do to remind yourself of this, whether it’s alarms, whether it’s making this a focus of your journal, whether you’re in TPM and you tell your coach, hey, hold me accountable to this, whether you’re in TPM and you tell the guys in your pack, hey, this is what I’m committed to, or whether you’re not in TPM and you’ve got another coach, whatever it may be, set yourself up for success.

And just do this. You’ve got nothing to lose. Try it. Just try it for 30 days. And if it doesn’t change anything after 30 days, stop it. Just try it. Give it a go for 30 days consistently. That’s it.

Doug Holt 37:52
Love it. Love it. Gentlemen, as I always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. And I’m going to see how many of you guys post in the app. And I’m going to especially call out you guys that are at the TPM Legends event, because legends take action.

I’m going to miss a few of you, but that’s Jared, Dave, Aaron, Andrew, all of you guys, right? And I know there’s more, and I’m missing them. I’m calling you guys forward. Austin, you too, just came to my mind. Let’s see if you take action, right? Don’t dim your light.

Five things, guys. Men who take action are men who show up. And we’ll see you next time on the TPM Show.