Episode #851
Do the people around you influence your success?
In this episode, Doug Holt and Brad Holt dive into the power of community and how the people you surround yourself with can supercharge your personal growth.
You’ll discover why the average of the five people you spend the most time with shapes who you are and who you can become.
Brad spills the beans on building a vision for self-improvement across health, relationships, wealth, and business, and why being in a supportive yet competitive environment is a game-changer for hitting your goals.
Get ready to learn about the transformative impact of joining a like-minded community and practical steps you can take to start leveling up today.
Tune in to explore how a strong community can be the spark that ignites your growth and success.
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Transcription
Brad Holt 0:00
Look at the five people that you’re closest to and spend the most time with. Take the average and that’s who you are really, really look at who’s around you is that who you want to be in two years, five years or in 30 years? And if you do not get into a community when you get
Doug Holt 0:15
A community of men who are like-minded like that, it becomes competitive on who can pull each other up. Rather than stepping on someone to get to the next level.
Brad Holt 0:23
We help them in create a vision of self-health, relationships, wealth, and business.
Doug Holt 0:41
Hey guys, welcome back to the TPM show. Once again, I am joined by Brad my brother, our coach and our CEO of TPM. And today we’re going to talk about communities iron sharpens iron. We’ve all heard this before. But how many of us practice it and what can you get out of it? Brad, thanks for being here, man.
Brad Holt 0:59
I love it. And community is such a great thing. Most men come into TPM because they’re dealing with relationship issues or trying to improve themselves. And they get put in a group of men, they’ve never met all over the world, from South Africa, Australia, New York, all leaders in the community, but they don’t know each other. And there is a beauty of community that I really love. Because as you said, iron sharpens iron.
Doug Holt 1:28
It’s true. What I think a lot of guys, guys just don’t want to share and the men that we work with right now are high-level businessmen. And so they’re at the top of the food chain, they can’t go talk to their staff, their employees. And most of the other business people, they know our competitors more in similar industries, or they’re YPO, or EO, or this ditch or some business organization like that, where these conversations at any depth don’t occur. And so when you think about this whole idea of iron sharpens iron, you know, a lot of these guys are what we call lone WOLF in it, they’re gonna figure it out themselves, they’ve come to TPM, because they realize, Hey, I got an issue and getting expert advice is the shortest path to success. What’s interesting, that I think a lot of people just know this or have heard it. They’ve done studies. And you know, if you hang out, if you’re a guy, and you’ve never run, you’re sedentary, but all of a sudden, you surround yourself with five men who run every day, odds are statistically, you’re going to become a runner, right? Your health is going to go up. Conversely, if you are a runner, and you end up for whatever reason, right, hanging out with five guys who drink beer and eat nachos every day, you’re going to be sedentary, you’re gonna get fat, and all the things that come with that lifestyle. So when the guys come into our community, they’re now surrounded by business leaders from all over the world who are married and have kids usually right, those are usually the things and are there to better themselves not only for themselves but also for their families and their community. Yeah,
Brad Holt 3:04
initially, everyone’s guard up right? When you were, and we talked about the five territories, focus on yourself, focus on your health, then your relationships, and wealth in business. And since they’re successful, a lot of these guys do some of these things really well. They don’t do a lot of these things across the board. And when you start to see other men be vulnerable and share one, it lets them let their guard down. And then they can really step up, and what we call leveling up. And it is amazing how close these men get to each other because now they’re around people that not only are going through things, they realize one, I’m not alone. This is not just me. Because if I’m the top dog, I’m leading a company, I’m leading a movement, I am responsible for so much, who do I talk to? Because otherwise, I might see that as a weakness. When I see other people going through it, I feel a relief. At the same time when I’m trying to improve myself. Change is hard. Yeah, it’s easy just to give up. But I think a lot of us are meant to be a little competitive if all of a sudden Doug’s stepping up and doing the uncomfortable exercises, all of sudden, I start to level up. So surrounding yourself with good men and a community like a TPM is just critical for growth.
Doug Holt 4:26
You know, I was gonna mention the competitive thing. Just recently at The Ranch. We had 10 men here. And then myself and Tim Matthews. Were leading these guys. And we surprised him with a fun thing to do. Right. So I brought up all this paintball gear and so guys got all geared up and all the paintball stuff. So we had men from mid-30s all the way into their 60s, so a wide range. And it was like a bunch of little kids. They got ultra-competitive and that was kind of the joke, right? We even had a personal trainer come here guys take three people to the cross. fit games, amazing trainer, and the workouts and some of the workouts he designed, he had people pair up in teams. And you saw these guys, and nobody would have done that workout by themselves. It was a brutal workout. But now you had guys with 70-pound kettlebells running just to they could beat the other team. And if we use that mentality for our marriage, or to better ourselves in any other way, and we surround ourselves with a community of men, who are constantly up-leveling, but also have no skin in the game, other than truly wanting you to have your best, you naturally rise. Yeah,
Brad Holt 5:35
As a you have the same life’s a journey, not a destination. So what got me here is not what’s gonna get me there. Yep. And my visions will change. And it’s great to be around people you respect. It’s great to be around people who are challenging themselves. And, and growing. And it helps you break down some of the stories you’ve told yourself, I can only do this, I’m great at this or the other stories, I’m not good at this. And also give you the courage. I love the word courage. I used to not take it seriously. To take a risk. Courage isn’t like it’s easy. No courage is actually the opposite courage is here. I’m afraid to go here. But I do it anyway. Yep. And by setting yourself up in a community, we have The Activation Method where they’re put together. But when they go in The Brotherhood, it’s even a much bigger community where people are trying to level up, and you can see people going, Wow, I can improve my business, this way, I can improve my health, this way. I can improve my relationships, you can level up against many different men in a much larger community, and really grow on a week-by-week, month-by-month, or year-by-year basis. Yeah,
Doug Holt 6:43
it’s incredible. And I can’t help but reflect on this, again, this recent group of men that were coming here. Again, all of those guys joined with two paths for men to come into the TPM community. But all of them came on the path of wine, the wine to save their marriage. And we’re talking about this in every single one of them, increase their business work less and increase the revenue. Why is it because they focused on the business? No, but they’re also surrounding themselves with business leaders. We had a doctor who was sitting at the table. And he was looking at franchising his business as an opportunity like a business opportunity. Two seats down from him is a guy who’s made 10s of millions franchising companies. And he said, Hey, I’ll give you the playbook. You know, I’ve been doing this for 30 years. Let me just help you with that. And I’ll solve your problems. And that’s just by proximity of the community, right? When you think about, for most people, How’d you meet your wife? Right? Proximity, she probably was in one of your communities, one of your circles, groups of friends, a barbecue church event, or something along those lines. So how do you surround yourself or be in proximity with men who are leveling on all levels? Not just one, not just business, not just about making money, but making money to give me for a purpose? Yeah. And also bettering their families.
Brad Holt 8:05
Yeah, I mean, it’s got this topic now kind of excites me, because it’s very easy for me to see you have what a hot mess, here, thank you. And then I had to throw that in there. But then you see, you follow the process, you see you set a goal, I see you day in and day out, week in and week out, do it, and I see the progress. And then I see it, I haven’t moved at all. And it’s just clear as day that I gotta really step up. And then I gotta really challenge some of my beliefs we just had in The Brotherhood, we helped them in creating a vision, the really detailed vision really create a really exciting vision of themselves in all five categories of self-health, relationships, wealth and business. And each quarter, we focus on two of them, what are your two goals, we call them rocks. And over the next 90 days, you know, here’s what we’re gonna do. And they really drill into all these goals. At the end of the quarter, we have what we call the boardroom. And they get to say how they did on these things that they determine really important, which aligns with their vision. And then they get to hear feedback from eight other men. Hey, guys,
Doug Holt 9:19
I wanted to interrupt this episode because it’s dawned on me that many of you guys aren’t aware that we actually have a book on how to save your marriage without talking about it. Now 1000s of men have read it and they’ve reviewed it. And I want to give you the opportunity to do the same. If you’re interested in grabbing it. It’s a short read, but it’s helped a lot of men just like you. And maybe you’re not interested in The Activation Method yet. But this is a small entry point that can really turn things around for you go over Amazon we have it priced as cheap as Amazon will let us and that way you have a resource that you can use right now to start getting some results in your marriage.
Brad Holt 9:54
Now let’s get back to the episode. Like hey, you did great here with constructive suggestions, and then get some constructive. So Jay Questions. And we also call it forward. Doug, you’ve been talking about this for the last year. But I haven’t really seen you commit. And getting from people you trust in a community of men that you respect. It’s much better than even any coach could provide
Doug Holt 10:14
100%. It’s also one of the guys that was heard mentioned. He’s like, Hey, I’m invested been invested for years. But everybody talks around the issue because they want to be polite. We’re here. The men go through so many experiential events, they get to know each other, well, they just say it right to your face, like no BS, you need to fire that guy or COO, because he’s doing this, that or the other, they have the difficult conversations. And then the law of reciprocity, right? I’m going to tell you the truth. And I expect you to tell me the truth, don’t sugarcoat it, just tell me how it is, of course, can process it anyway I want to do whatever I want to with the information. But when you get a community of men who are like-minded like that, it becomes competitive on who can pull each other up, rather than stepping on someone to get to the next level.
Brad Holt 11:03
Exactly. And that’s, I mean, it’s what you call love. Calling someone Ford is because I really love them. Yeah, I really care about them, because the easier thing to do is just be nice and let them struggle, in some ways, it makes me look better. Yeah. And that happens so much in society. And for even our kids, you know, like, that’s what you want to do get them to move up, you know, sometimes you have to give them tough advice. And that’s, and a lot of times in parented, they even, we don’t want to do that, because, you know, the kids won’t like me. That’s it, we
Doug Holt 11:36
want to be liked. It’s just human nature, we want to be in the tribe and have people like us, because we get kicked out of the tribe, and we’re alone and, you know, yatta yatta. But the reality is, the more you can surround yourself with people who are gonna give you real feedback and are gonna tell you the truth, the faster you’re gonna make progress.
Brad Holt 11:56
Yeah, I mean, one of my mentors, maybe it was a book I read a long time ago said, look at the five people that you’re closest to, and spend the most time with, take the average. And that’s who you are. Yeah. And I just challenge all the men who are listening to this podcast now. Really, really look at who’s around you is that who you want to be in two years, five years, or in 30 years? And if you’re not getting in a community, I love you to come with TPM. So I think we have a great community, but get yourself around other men who are gonna help you level up and call you forward. Yeah,
Doug Holt 12:30
I’ll take that step in a different direction as well, Brad, I love to do the rocking chair tests, which I know you’re familiar with. And so imagine you’re 70 or 80 years old, you’re sitting on your porch, sipping some lemonade, or a glass of whiskey, whatever it is, for you, sitting in a rocking chair, reflecting on the most important things in your life to date. In that reflection, what are the top three things right? For most minutes can be family, right? The family is number one, then what else? You know, are you going to be happy that you took care of your health in your body, so you can actually play with your grandkids? That tends to be a second one for a lot of people. Very rarely. Is it money or the business? I mean, they might be proud and what have you. So my point is, when you look at that, and let’s just say it’s your relationships, are you now put in being around a community of men who are working on improving their relationships, so that they all can you in particular, sit on that porch smiling, as you’re reflecting on your life and the journey we call life? About your relationships? And if not, you need to start surrounding yourself with those kinds of people. No
Brad Holt 13:36
question, because it’s just like a New Year’s resolution. I’m gonna get healthier. I’m gonna keep in touch with people. All of these things are important, but not urgent. Yep. And if you don’t deal with it right now, you’re going to be in this rocking chair analogy with a lot of regrets. Yes. And so you need to surround yourself with people who are like-minded. That’s what’s great about a community. You, I like this with Joe. And I like this with Steve. Yeah, I don’t have to be just with one person I can learn and benchmark against others, to help myself and learn from them in a loving, supportive, but also competitive environment. These are men who really want to get better, not because they want to get accolades, but because they just want to be better men for themselves, first, their families, and in their communities because their cups is just overflowing. I love that.
Doug Holt 14:26
Well, I’m gonna give a counterpoint not a counterpoint. But another thing for these men to think about. When it comes to community, because I’ve seen this happen a lot, Brad, where you have guys will start saying, hey, you know, my marriage is on the rocks. And they’ll tell me about their wife, my wife starting to go out better, who she going out with, while they’re divorcees or single women that are going out, and she starts to surround herself with people who aren’t relationship focused or at least, isn’t focused on keeping the family intact, so to speak. Conversely, for men, I see this with men too, if they’re going to play golf, all your buddies and your buddies are single, you know that you’re gonna, your energy is going to start to shift in that direction. even subconsciously.
Brad Holt 15:09
If when we’re coaching men and relationships that happens all the time. So what is your wife doing? Oh, she’s going out with these people I go. My spidey senses tell me that’s not good. Not what she’s not what she says. It’s what she’s doing. Yep. And conversely, the same thing if I want to get healthy. Well, who am I hanging out with? What am I if I am staying up late at night? Who What am I socializing? With? Yes. And that’ll be there’ll be a direct correlation. Absolutely.
Doug Holt 15:36
So, guys, I’m going to recommend you take inventory, right? Take inventory, of the five people you spend the most time with today, right now in your real environment. For a lot of you guys, it’s going to be co-workers, right? They’re gonna have co-workers there, or you have some church friends, and I know you’re gonna have different pockets. But who are you spending the most actual quality time with? Including your family? extended family, that is and do they match or mirror the results you want? If
Brad Holt 16:01
you have to spend that last part, you better have a vision. Or do the rocking chair tests, so you know where you want to go? And you can see the gap. Yes. And then you surround yourself with people. And that’s where for me, and when I did this, I gave up drinking. Yeah, because I was going, Oh, where I want to go. And my love of alcohol and socializing wasn’t going to get me there. And it was now a tough thing to shift from. But by knowing where I wanted to go, it made it easier.
Doug Holt 16:29
Nice. And then we’ll we’ll that we’ll stick with that. When did you find yourself surrounding yourself with people and make it to make it easier for yourself?
Brad Holt 16:36
Yeah, I mean, it was like, you were a great example, I gave up drinking, and you got creative and brought drinks that were like, tried to experiment. And then there’s some friends that didn’t feel as comfortable anymore with me not drinking. And so I had to appeal those people off, not because I care because most of my friends drink. And I have no problem and a very good place with that. But at the same time, I want to be I don’t want to be in environments where I have to be their friend I have to drink and that doesn’t work.
Doug Holt 17:02
Yeah, exactly. And so I do the same thing. When I look at fitness, right? Going through a phase where I’m like, Okay, I want to get my fitness and my health back to where I want it to be. Then what I started doing is hanging out beating people in the gym, what are they doing hanging out with them, right, and getting to know that people in that community. And the more I did, the more I actually enjoyed going to the gym, because you kind of give somebody a nod, say hi, you know, competitive a little bit with the lifts, you become friends, you know, one thing leads to another, but now in my circle of vision, fitness just becomes a more reality. You know, we get whatever we focus on, you know, at the end of the day, and so the community is a really good one. Because if you go into the TPM private community, now you are it’s like being in a social network. But with a bunch of men improving. Yeah, you’re gonna constantly be in that conversation of improvement.
Brad Holt 17:54
And all levels. There are some guys that I just love how they step into their faith. They go, wow, I wish I could step into mind better. Are the guys who have such a great workout routine? I go, Oh, that’s impressive. I never thought about that. And these guys, now I can reach out to and go, Hey, I’m not doing too well here. Could you help me out? And I’m just shocked at how loving and supportive everybody is. And the advice I get. And for me, the most important thing is my kids. Yeah. And I’ll say, Hey, I’m having trouble with this. And the amount of men who rally who go, I can help you, but also the amount of other men who say, Yeah, me too. I also have that problem. And that’s where not only are they helping me with the issue. Yeah, they’re helping about 20. Other guy’s 100% 100%
Doug Holt 18:37
factor reminds me recently, we had a guy who discovered his daughter was cut, she was cutting herself. And he posted in the community. It’s a very sensitive personal topic. And instantly, guys, like I’ve dealt with that, let me jump on a call together right away. And they form that bond, you basically get a board of advisors around you. And imagine having 100 Men, let alone five that are all they’re like, Hey, I’ve been down this road. Here’s what to expect. You know, here’s what you could do. Here are some possibilities for you and encouragement along the way. Yeah,
Brad Holt 19:09
this is a great topic. I really love it because I love helping people be the best version of themselves. And sometimes we’re our own worst enemies. And sometimes we have relationships from high school because I’ve known for a long time, which I think is not the greatest way to do things I love. Loyalty is a big part of my life. So I love that at the same time. I think if you continue to grow, you might bring them with you. And I see a lot of that. And sometimes though, you have to cut people loose who are going to pull you down. And so that community becomes such a powerful part of your life.
Doug Holt 19:41
Well, it does. And I’ve talked about this a lot in the show. And I call them to remember when friends, right and we all have to remember when friends and eventually you have to slowly disassociate from them not because you don’t care about them or love them, but you got to love yourself and where you want to go and if you have a family it’s even more creative. goal. Remember when friends what I mean by that are the guys you get together with and they’re like, oh, remember in high school, we did this remember when, and they’re things that you did 1020 years ago, you don’t have new foundational memories, or at least nothing of substance to add to the conversation where you’re building upon each other. Yeah. I love this topic, Brad, thanks for bringing it to the table. As always, it’s great having you on the show. Thanks a lot. But yeah, gentlemen, as we always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. Right now I’m gonna invite you while you’re running on the treadmill, whatever you’re doing, if you’re watching this on your sofa, sit down. Who are the five people say five men in particular that you spend the most time with? Right? What are your conversations with these men? Where How’s their physical fitness? How is their actual spiritual wealth? What’s going on in their lives? What is their relationship status? Are they happy, or unhappy? What’s going on? Now, when do you list them? Do they mirror the man you want to be? If the answer is yes, you spot on spend more time with these guys? If the answer is no, I’m gonna invite you to find a community of men like-minded men who are actually growing on all fronts. Now, it doesn’t have to be with TPM. We’d love to talk to you if it is and if you’re a good fit for our community. We’ll have that conversation if not find another community. But whatever you do, take action. Do this today. Don’t wait. This is an easy thing for you to do. Don’t put it off, go to another podcast or whatever else you want to do. Actually take action and get the results that you deserve. Gentlemen, we’ll see you next time on a TPM show.
