Triumphs from the Trenches: Men Who Made It

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Transcription

Matt Dowdell  0:00  

I think we’re all sort of craving honesty and authenticity. It’s like, Come on, man, I need somebody to tell me honestly, Hey, Matt, you need to step up here. 

Chris Hartig  0:08  

Now it’s amazing how like the layers come off and your growth and you don’t even see something right and then all of a sudden something pops up and you go, Oh, wait a minute, I got a blind spot. I love it. 

Matt Dowdell  0:17  

I love the feeling of being around guys see, and then go through, do the work and come out the other side. I know that my heart grows when I come to something like this. And those guys walked in here and they needed love.

Doug Holt  0:39  

Everybody, welcome back to another episode of the TPM show. Today is a special special version of the show. I have two amazing men. With me right here I have Chris and Matt. And these guys are top-notch. They are not only in The Brotherhood, which is our flagship program. It’s a one-year mastermind group. But these guys just volunteered their time to work and help us out at The Alpha Reset, bringing 10 Amazing other men across the line take them from a place of just pain and being lost to a place of feeling love and joy in their life. Guys, thanks so much for being here. 

Matt Dowdell  1:15  

Thanks, Doug is a real pleasure or true honor to be here and help these guys along their journey. 

Doug Holt  1:20  

You guys did I mean, the reality is, and I know I’ve said this before, but you guys are role models of what’s possible. What’s possible for men? And you guys are what I call your natural guys. Like it’s, you know, it’s not like you’ve gone to some Buddhist monastery or what have you, which I hate

Chris Hartig  1:40  

was last month, right? 

Doug Holt  1:41  

Well, it’s some of the men’s work that’s out there. And we’re hiring coaches with over 400 applicants in a week who come in for the powerful man. And that is amazing. A lot of people have heard of the work that we do. And we talked to some of them you’re talking about. So after a process do you download with a client, but it’s just as lingo that does, you know, I get it, and I understand what they’re saying. But I think that lingo to me is off-putting to a lot of people who were just like, hey, I’m just a little stuck in this area and need a little help. And you guys exemplify what it means to me to be a strong man who has an open heart a WOLF wise, open, loving, and fierce your business guys, your family guys, and your fun. 

Matt Dowdell  2:21  

Doug, you bring up why’s open, loving and fierce. Chris and I have been having some great conversations about fierce lately. Like that’s, that seems to be for both of us the one that we really had to kind of d ive into a little bit better. That was really fun to do. 

Chris Hartig  2:39  

Now, it’s amazing how like the layers come off and you grow. And you don’t even see something right? And then all of a sudden something pops up and you go, Oh, wait a minute, I got a blind spot here. And that was one avenue for both of us. And we saw it at a side event at at another brother’s ranch. I’m going to the sidebar here for a second. God, we love you. God, we wish you were here. There’s God is kind of the third of our real close posse here, right? And we were at an event at his ranch. And it was something that came up. And it was really cool for us to go through each other through that together because I could look at him and go he’s like, yeah, they’re kind of right. Like you’re not, I can’t feel that in you. And it’s really cool. 

Doug Holt  3:24  

Although what’s cool is you have that brotherhood, so to speak, where you have men that you can lean on who care about you, they give a darn no skin in the game per se, right? It’s like a business transaction where they’re getting something or trying to manipulate you. It’s just guys that see you and help you see your blind spots. They do it with love, but also firmness, right? There’s accountability here, like, step up, I’m calling you out. If you said you want to do the thing, you’re not doing the thing. I’m telling you. 

Chris Hartig  3:51  

That’s that’s the, that’s there’s a lot of real magic here. But that’s the real magic. And that’s where the open part comes in. Because you’re safe with these guys you’ve been through, you’ve admitted, hey, I’m struggling. So let me do something about it. So that’s like a common denominator. So you feel safe to start talking about it. So you’ll be open and you’ll have your challenges and you bring it up to guys. And you know, if, if you’re being rough on yourself, they’ll tell you, you know, and then they’ll hold, you know, they’ll hold space for you and help you out in that arena. But on the flip side, if you’re not stepping to the line, they’ll call you forward. I mean, Gavin has called me forward a number of times. And so as Matt and I think we’ve done that for each other, and then help you though not call you out and say, Dude, you need to do this and like check out right yep. Hey, man, you need to I think you’re smelling the barn here and you need to step forward and do this. I’ve got some experience here. Let me help you get through this. 

Doug Holt  4:50  

That’s awesome. It is because it’s not pointing a finger at you like hearing your faults, right your your your downsides. It’s more like I see a blind spot and I’m sure my Guess No, all three of you guys pretty well, is you either agree or disagree. And if you disagree, then there becomes a healthy discussion around it, right? Yeah,

Matt Dowdell  5:07  

no, absolutely. And I think, you know, around our lives, I think we’re all sort of craving honesty and authenticity. Because whether it’s us dancing around somebody at work or with your wives, or whatever it is, and people doing the same with us, because we’re bosses, you know, and so they’re careful about how they speak to us. It’s so refreshing right to have a relationship where you’re just speaking openly and honestly, it’s not being taken personally. In fact, I think sometimes it’s like, we crave it from each other. It’s like, Come on, man, I need somebody to tell me. You know, honestly, Hey, Matt, you need to step up here.

Doug Holt  5:44  

Yeah. What’s one of the reasons people ask this all the time? Like, why do you guys only work with business owners or very high level C suite? People? It’s because it’s one of the things I say is, you know, we can relate. But also, you know, when you guys clock out, so to speak, at five o’clock, you’re not clocked out, right? The business owner, no. Three in the morning, you’re out going, oh, shoot, am I gonna make payroll? Or do I have to do this or if your phone’s ringing, it doesn’t end. And so there’s, you don’t have somebody to your point that that you can just in your company that you just go to and say, I’m having this problem, this is what’s going on for me? Because that’s just not your role?

Matt Dowdell  6:19  

No, and I think, you know, I mean, certainly in my company, you know, we really encourage the open, honest discussions, for sure. And we we’ve been working really hard at that even very recently. And, you know, I mean, I’ll take it a step further, and you’re talking about like, Okay, check out on the weekends, it’s, you know, I may not be at work, but the wheels can be turning Sure. But, I mean, even a step further is like generationally, you know, like for me now, you know, having a daughter in the business. I’ve listened to a lot of guys here this week talking about their fathers or their sons in the business. It’s like, Man, this is family stuff. This is generational, it’s decades. And so so there is a different connection, for sure. For work. And, and, of course, that’s the kind of stuff that you can start bringing it home. And, you know, not showing up the way that you need to. And so yeah, so it’s really good to have the guys around you that we have great coaches great program. And, and there’s really the true power is in those relationships you create with other guys going through the same things as you.

Doug Holt  7:25  

Yeah. I always say I think that I honestly think our coaching is world class, but it is not the reason people should join. It’s the men, that men and the community is everything, right? The coaching is just like the add on. It’s just that special to be around you guys. For me, I know I speak for Tim and all the other coaches to it’s a blessing to sit back especially we get a chance. I like to smaller events. But even in the bigger events, we have 40 guys going out, you know, any guy you interact with is going to be top notch, you’re going to learn something about them, you know, you can trust them off the bat. You know, this is a person as a man who’s invested capital money, but also more importantly, his time and energy right into bettering himself so he can better his family. Right? Jerks don’t do that. This is the bottom line. Jerks don’t do that. They wouldn’t spend the time they’d spend the time doing something totally different. And so every guy you run into, in my experience, is just a world class guy.

Chris Hartig  8:21  

And for me, it almost seems a bit. Like I’m asking the people that work for me to step up and be leaders and grow. And if I’m not doing that, I’m being a bit hypocritical there, right. So in and people even look up to me. And so, you know, from business, I this is a great avenue to find other men that and I’m around a lot of great people, but to find these men that are going through some struggles on their own and work through them, and then also running businesses and these shared experiences. Yeah, like I can, I can say Yeah, and I’m working to get better to I gotta be better for them. Right? I gotta get better for me so I can get better for them. Right and, and to see that after a couple of years kind of trickle down is really, really, really cool.

Matt Dowdell  9:03  

Many obligations are unwanted. Yes, that’s one that’s desired, right? Like it’s having that obligation to show up for our close friends and for each other. And yeah, that’s right. Yeah,

Doug Holt  9:15  

we think about you said something like, you know, other men that are going through chemo have the word to use but a hard times for lack of a better term through a crisis or whatever. Who isn’t. Right? Yeah. Right. I mean, you have seasons right of you know, where you’re smooth sailing, so to speak, but there’s always something and then most businessmen, in my experience are always looking to sharpen the saw, right? They’re always looking, you’re not you don’t just coast, right? You didn’t get into business as a true businessman or an entrepreneur, just to get to a certain level and then just coast. People talk about that running your business from the beach or the mountains and you can do that. But I can promise you that those guys are also looking at other business ideas and everything else, why they’re there or how to scale their business or you know, it’s always the next level. So Matt, I know you’ve been in the program two and a half years, roughly. How long have you been in Chris?

Chris Hartig  10:04  

About the same? I started The Activation Method two and a half years ago in January. Yeah.

Doug Holt  10:09  

Okay. I thought it was about the same. You were saying something off camera about, you know, something you were happy. You joined at a certain specific time. And we were talking about when we see guys going through.

Chris Hartig  10:18  

Yeah, absolutely. So for me, my wife and I had gotten to an awkward hit a bad place. And I knew like, something was off. Right. And I could feel it. And we were actually started having discussions about it, you know, and I got the I love you. But I’m not in love with you conversation. Oh, that hurts, right? Yeah. And I still remember and then it changed my whole mode. Because I kind of started hustling to get things right. And I didn’t know where I was going. Right. And, you know, through a series of events, there’s no accidents. There’s no coincidences. I got I saw your mug on a remarketing ad. What the hell do I got to lose?

Doug Holt  11:02  

If this guy can do it? Yeah.

Chris Hartig  11:06  

And and there’s two parts. While that’s important, and we were in what would be a very level two very transactional relationship where I do this for you, you do this for me? Yeah. Even level one, like we’re just keep to our own and almost like, we weren’t quite to room. We weren’t two roommates. We were also business partners, too. So there was a lot of crossover. And I didn’t have the skills to navigate that. And today, we’re, we’re really in a lot of ways in a level three relationship where her needs are my needs and my needs or her needs. We think about each other first. And I think it was easier for us to get it was easier for us to get there. Because we started our bottom was here and not down here. Yeah. And in my personal experiences I’ve had, as you know, I’m, I’m 27 and a half year sober. And my bottom was pretty low there. So I’ve had several bottoms. And I don’t want to start from there. I’d rather start from right here. So I guess my message is, if you’re if you’re sitting here wondering like, ah, yeah, we’re okay. Yeah, it’s good. Like, it’ll be alright. It might, but it might not. And it’s better to invest the time. And get in while you’re not starting it completely Ground Zero, you know, because I was also seeing if I look back to habits where I was letting some things go in business, because personally, I didn’t feel grounded or the foundation. And you know how to probably have the business or to fall apart. It’s, you know, one or two, the business starts to fall apart because I wasn’t paying attention because I couldn’t, I couldn’t focus on it. Because the thing that was most important to me was not right. Yeah. So, so awesome. I

Doug Holt  12:41  

mean, that was with me, when my wife, Erin, and I were going through our hard times, it just blinks you can’t stop thinking about that. And you go into the business, you try to focus your mind starts wandering on the problems. And, of course, as a guy, I’m thinking, How can I fix it? Yeah, how she gonna fix herself? Because clearly she’s the problem. Yeah, still does do these things. And we’ve all be great. Everybody else loves me with. What’s her problem? Yeah, but yeah, you know, and I think, unfortunately, a lot of guys, you know, we get 1000s of calls a month, guys are inquiring, we talk to our advisors. And they leave it till it’s too late. Right, they guys will call up. And sometimes this works. And sometimes it doesn’t is my point is they’ll call up when the divorce papers have been handed in, or she’s already moved out. She’s moved on. Not when, hey, things are average or below. Because look, Nope, none of us want average. No, hey, my marriage is average. Hey, now you don’t want average average feels good when it’s been so crappy. Yeah, you know, what has been bad for so long, you get to average, I think a lot of guys exhale at that point. Rather than going, hey, you know, I got one shot this game I call life. That’s what I was telling myself. I want great. How do I get to great? How do I want to really enjoy this? Right? And unfortunately, men wait too long.

Matt Dowdell  13:57  

On the you know, I think we’re talking about relationships right now. Right? And wives and in marriage. And it’s, of course, we know that there’s there’s a lot of other stuff going on for men to write personal stuff about themselves, right about past relationships, but their health, you know, all kinds of things going on for guys. And I think that reading those signs early, whether it’s showing up in your marriage, but listen, we’ve all had, we all have a past. Right? And we’re all trying to move forward, especially as you said business owners, highly motivated, competitive. And I think just pausing and taking an evaluation kind of where you are where you want to be. You know, are you where you want to be? Yep. And are you being honest with that? Then I think that’s really the thing to do. You know, and yes, certainly, the gift of desperation is a good gift for sure it gets you here. But yeah, why wait? Yeah,

Doug Holt  14:55  

it’s interesting is guy work with one on one. He was telling me He’s kind of you know, as it is, you get really close with everybody I care, right? So it’s not like I just don’t talk anymore after the session or what have you a coaching session. And he was telling me he’s like, You know what, you got a problem. I was like, oh, okay, where’s this going? And he’s like, my business has never done better. You don’t talk about business on your website at all, you know about how when, because I started fixing my marriage, and all of a sudden, my business starts to get easier. I’m getting bigger contracts. I’m doing all of these things. He’s like every guy I talked to, same thing, right? And it’s because we’re business guys. And when you you fix the part of the wheel, or that’s broken, right. So the way I look at it, we do five territories, as you guys know, to start self health, wealth, relationships and business. And if you look at those, like spokes on a wagon wheel, if one of those isn’t working well or broken, the whole wagon doesn’t work well, right, the other spokes start to break, hit a bump, you know, or something else that happens in your life, a tragedy, that other things start to break down and whatever area that is, and even self the category itself, especially, you know, for us, guys, you know, we that was our first program where The Activation Method for self It was nothing about relationships, really, it had some stuff in it. But that’s what Arthur, Stu Lee, all those guys that, you know, well, they came through on that program, which we’re just releasing. And that one’s all about self. It’s like, Hey, I’m just getting relationships. Okay, I’m just stuck. I’m stuck. And I don’t know what the next step is. Because I think all of us get stuck at times. Yeah.

Chris Hartig  16:30  

And the hard thing too, is when you get stuck in your, in your motivated person, that’s also a scary place, because you start chasing, and you start going down paths that Yeah, might not be the right path for you. And so, you know, having our coaches and our guys around to keep us, you know, hey, this is this is these are your values. This is where you said is not important to you? Or is this you know, just to keep us in check and keep us, you know, on our own tracks.

Doug Holt  16:53  

Yeah, it’s like a pit crew for I thought, you know, the way I look at it, for high performance sports car is like that. Yeah, it’s like having your pit crew come out and help you out and make sure you’re on the road, and you’re going as fast as you want to go for your own race. And one of the things I love about what we do is in just the community, I mean, in the whole we call it the movement, because it is a movement is everybody’s races their own race, and nobody’s judging it, right? Nobody’s judging the level, you’re switcheroo. We’re talking inside that we don’t have a billionaire billionaires come through, we’ve had people that just scraping by come through the program, nobody’s judging. It’s like, what’s the race, you want to run? Cool. Let’s get the pit crew around you for whatever that area is. And let’s get you on the track.

Matt Dowdell  17:36  

I mean, I think the things that you just talked about, you know, the five pillars, it’s like the great equalizer, right? It’s like, yeah, we’re all we are all where we are. And I think you were you were talking about the the effect of the relationship, you know, when it when it’s healthy, and it’s going well, you know, I don’t know that any one pillar is more important than the other. But it sure seems like when you’re good with your wife, right? And you feel supported by her, everything else sort of falls into line a bit easier, doesn’t mean that, you know, you can be complacent, and you know, the rest of that, but, but it’s amazing to me, I know, for myself, when when, when we’re doing it together, and we are feeling really great together. Everything’s possible. Yeah. You know, and I think one of the reasons that that probably is sitting here, you know, saying it out loud, is that, of course, in order to be there with her, you’ve got to be doing all the right things. Right. And, and paying attention to all the other things and showing up for her. And so anyway, I, I do think that, you know, we certainly see this with the guys in our pack who have been around now for, you know, two plus years. I mean, when the relationships fall into place, right with their wives, it just seems like everything takes off. And business really does.

Chris Hartig  18:54  

Right. And the the first thing too is the relationship with yourself, the self part of it, because like, if you’re talking about it, but then then then you and your wife, it’s because you’re putting the time in on yourself. So you’re, you know, you You’re, you’re honoring yourself, and you can feel that you’re more confident and they can see that and they can feel bad. And then it’s just like a domino becomes like a, you know, a snowball and an avalanche.

Matt Dowdell  19:18  

And you get a little more a little extra grace. Right? They know that you’re working on it. Yeah, for sure.

Doug Holt  19:24  

I was literally it’s a flywheel. But the flywheel goes both ways. And I think that’s well that’s true. Yeah,

Chris Hartig  19:30  

it does go the other way. Yeah.

Doug Holt  19:30  

So yeah, if you’re not taking care of yourself, yeah, you’re not taking care of home base, your family your wife and what have you. We heard we heard some things in here. These last three days of guys that you know, didn’t for a while and I’ve been there too sure. Is that flywheel keep spinning the opposite way, the way you don’t want to go till it goes to self destructs. Yeah, conversely, the flywheel can be all positive, and gets momentum where things are great, right, as long as you don’t put a stick and stop that flywheel like in the middle like I spoke. Whatever, put the brakes on, it can go faster and faster. And that’s, that’s an amazing place to be. Yes. When things just start to click,

Matt Dowdell  20:08  

it seemed like we heard this week too, right that that guys maybe don’t know how far it’s gone? Yeah, yeah, you know, they’re really not paying attention. They’re not seeing the signs. They’re not showing up for their wives. And they don’t really know how bad it is, you know, they know it doesn’t feel great. But yeah, that seemed really evident this week. So in terms of the flywheel, like, it’s all of a sudden you look up and you’re like, oh, my gosh, I didn’t realize this is where we really were. So

Doug Holt  20:35  

I’m curious. So you guys have both done and The Alpha Reset yourselves? What was it like coming back to volunteer to be enough? Well, first of all, wow. Oh, my God. Wow. Let’s start with start again. Why did you guys come back to volunteer for now for reset them? Why then? And how was it? You go, brother, man.

Chris Hartig  20:56  

So it was such a transformational experience for me. And it’s been one of the things that’s, that’s that’s been on my list, like if I can help these men, because, I mean, it’s, you walk through the fire? For sure. Right? Yeah. And so if I can be there to support them. And I also knew that, that that, you know, how impactful it was for me, and that if I could carry that, and they could see that, then it could, it could really help them through it too. And that’s my commitment. My commitments always been, like, I share with you about being sober, like, you know, I try to be open about my struggles. And because then it helps other people through their struggles, right? Sure. And I was right, where they were everyone, I can see bits of my story and just about every one of them. And so if I can be there, just to hold space for them. And, you know, when we get to a point where they can ask questions, and what did I do and share my story, because it might help them. And I really want to do that. Because right now, there’s 10 better men in this world and the small part in that and that’s, that’s awesome. Yeah,

Doug Holt  22:01  

you save guys lives been really let that sink in. I need all

Matt Dowdell  22:06  

about this. Saw that this week. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. You know, I think, for me, it’s really similar to Chris Right. Like, obviously, it’s a hugely transformational event. And, you know, it’s sort of unimaginable, I think, now, the life that I lead now, you know, prior to my reset, and I think about the great guys that were there that supported us gave and 10 man and Lee Yeah. You know, and, and I think as time has gone on, I just realized for myself, certainly, you know, I believe in servant leadership, right, like, you know, get out there and do it. And lead by example. And I certainly wanted to be very much a part of what you know, Chris described, which is, you know, seeing 10 Guys go through this and come out the other side and be better man, right. Better for their families, for their business, for the community, all of that. And, and to be honest, a little selfishly, you know, I love it. I love the feeling of being around guys seeing them, seeing them go through and do the work come out the other side. And so I know that my heart grows, when I come to something like this, you know, and those guys walked in here, and they needed love. Yeah. And I felt like, okay, I can do that. And

Doug Holt  23:33  

you did. I mean, you did. I mean, imagine members sitting around the table, right? The first night, and, you know, one guy, one person looking at me saying, I could give two shits about you, and another person telling me you’ve never heard my, you know, anything like what I’m going to do about my life? I bet you, I bet you 10 bucks. I told Today I go, who said that? He goes, I did I go, you owe me 10 bucks. Because then seeing these guys all get to the other side of that, and rediscover the power within them, like their true strength that most of them didn’t even know existed, didn’t know the power that they have. And imagine those guys taking that back to their wives, to their children, to their businesses and our communities like that is something that ripple effect that you mentioned, is amazing. And again, at least saved a number of lives. And that’s not hyperbole.

Matt Dowdell  24:27  

No, it’s not it’s truly saved people’s lives.

Chris Hartig  24:29  

And that’s just the men in that room. You’re not you know, the next circle and the next circle the ripple effect and the stories and after being, you know, through this and to two years past my, my reset, and I think you and I had a conversation like you can just see it and then you just you know, and I did this right you just hold on to these stories for dear life because it’s like who you are and who you built yourself around. And it’s it’s not even true. And once you let it go, oh my god Brady. Yeah,

Doug Holt  25:04  

what was just said one guy gained like, what? Six inches in height?

Matt Dowdell  25:09  

Yeah, change the skin color. Yeah. Yeah. And everybody gets younger too. 

Doug Holt  25:18  

are nap we took last night. I escaped a little earlier. I’m like, I’m just not gonna go dinner. I just can’t eat. I won’t eat tonight. We’ll just call it a night. Yeah, thank you guys, by the way for doing that, you know, oh, man, you nurse the guy. So they’re able to come through. Like, you know, I keep saying this. I know you get it. But without you guys, it’s just doesn’t happen. That’s just the reality of it. All 10 of those guys. Yeah, it’s the love you put into it. At least one of you cooking. And you know. Check out I’ve loved the banter between the two of you. By the way, it’s just it’s hilarious. Do you could you feel the love that you guys have for each other?

Matt Dowdell  25:59  

Oh, yeah. Walk through a wall. And then another one for this guy.

Doug Holt  26:02  

I know. You say it. Yeah, it’s just palpable. Yeah, yeah. It’s very cool. Absolutely. What were some of without giving anything away? What were some of the best experiences for you guys? During these last three days? I’ll give away specifics.

Chris Hartig  26:23  

Um, one was able to reflect for me, and to see, you know, you’re going through it right. And you live in life, right? And you’re, you’re going in, and then you look back and the men like, I got a message from the guys in my reset. No coincidences, right. And I get 10 minutes for these guys walk in the door. Chris Cameron sends a message out to our group. Hey, guys, it was two years ago, we left Lake District and we hit it off in the world and this beautiful message and. And it’s 10 minutes before they walk in the door. And it was like perfect for me because I got to reflect back where I was. And so that was one of the really cool things for me. And just the gratitude for what you guys do. It’s, I mean, I could go on and on just honored the respect for those men. I mean, they look in the mirror and they said, I like what I see. And I’m gonna, I’m gonna do something about it. That’s hard. It’s so hard to have respect for those guys for doing that.

Doug Holt  27:23  

I think a lot of men look in the mirror and say, I’m going to change the differences. These guys walked through the door. Yeah, right now. It’s like the 1% of the 1% of the 1%. Right? The the idea that you’ll look yourself, be knowledgeable enough to critique yourself is rarer than to say you’re going to do something that’s even rarer than actually to put action to words and come to something like this. Where nobody I mean, there’s no big secret. No, but we don’t tell anybody what happens at the event we’ve been doing for almost eight years now. Right? And, you know, in the guys still show up. And the it’s the sacred nature of what happens here. Maybe sacred not the right word, but you get the idea. Yeah, and the other men just pass it forward by we’re not gonna say anything.

Chris Hartig  28:05  

That’s amazing.

Matt Dowdell  28:06  

I mean, no, it is pretty incredible. But, you know, but also, I think that there’s a leap of faith. Yeah, you know, and I think that that’s really integral to the whole thing, right, is that, at a certain point, you don’t know what you’re going to do. And you don’t know what you’re showing up for, you know, everybody walks through that door, like, so what’s going to happen, you know, and, but even taking a step back, you know, just, you know, joining the movement, you know, and and, you know, actually taking action to get help that leap of faith. You know, and I think for us as men, we’re in our heads so often and trying to solve problems and you know, my least favorite thing in the world, I’ll figure it out. Okay, good luck with that. How’s that working for you? But you know, yeah, that like at some point, it’s just a leap of faith. I am tired of this.

Doug Holt  28:58  

Yeah, right. Oh, it’s incredible. Every once in a while I get to you know, jump on a call with somebody who’s like inquire and just to hear what’s going on and without demeaning because I would have been this guy, it’s almost laughable. Well, guys, like, you know, my wife’s gonna divorce me, you know, I think she’s having an emotional affair. And we’re like, Okay, here’s the program here’s what we’re doing. You know, we’ve helped guys like you have a hundreds of testimonials. I just don’t know if half the time you’re like Dude, are you kidding me? You’re about to lose or I don’t know it’s that it’s X dollars. I don’t know

Chris Hartig  29:34  

how expensive is a divorce lawyers

Doug Holt  29:38  

and the emotional toll that the finances you’re gonna lose half of everything right but the finance that’s the financial part set that aside the emotional toll because you we all see guys go through it unfortunately. And it’s never it’s never pleasant, not never pleasant. And every guy even the guys that have the most we’re looking for acrimonious divorce and separation. still say I wouldn’t work wish this on my enemy. Right? It’s just not what they want to go through. And the great guys, and sometimes the women are great. Sometimes they’re not in their circumstances. But either way, there’s something with the psychology of people, maybe it’s men in particular, that can’t rationalize something. It’s like, Hey, I don’t want to invest the time. That dude, how are you? In business? Right? Either of you guys, right? If you didn’t know, something that you needed to know, to grow your business and new POS system, software, whatever else it is, would you just be like, Nah, I’m just not going to learn it. You’d hire experts, or you go figure it out? Right? You learn it, you learn it, because it’s intro. And no one would look down on you. Because you said, Hey, I’m taking a course on on spreadsheets or Excel or what have you. They go, that’s really smart. Yeah, he’s invested in himself. Yeah.

Matt Dowdell  30:48  

But I sort of feel too though, like, right. So in particular, we’re talking about marriage and talking about business owners. It’s sort of the plight of the small business owner, though, is that there are afflicted by this whole, like, I got to figure it out, I got to do all things. And you know, when the answer really is no, you don’t have to figure it out. Yes, right, they’ll find an expert, they’ll find somebody that can teach you the things that you don’t know, get there quicker, get there a lot less painfully, right. You know, whether it’s about your marriage, whether it’s about your business, it’s like, but I look around me, and I see all these small business owners, you know, and they are just buried in the details in the weeds. And, you know, they just can’t see the forest through the trees anymore, at least to me. You know, truly, like, I see that all the time with business owners. It’s like, their whole life is wrapped up and built around this business. And they’ve got to do all things. And it’s like, you know, what, actually, if you stopped doing that, everything else would come into focus for you. Yeah,

Doug Holt  31:46  

you gotta let go control. That’s, I think that’s yeah, I don’t know, my early 20s. Luckily, I owned a couple businesses, my early 20s. And I had guys like you guys, at your, that’s your stage now, who kind of took me under their wing, and I was least smart enough to know that I would try to go to coffee with them or breakfast with them every week. And just you know, and they took me like a little brother, if you will share a little kid almost. And one of the things that I learned from them is just you know, the difference between being a business owner and a business operator, if you’re an operator, you’re in the day to day, and it’s hard to get out. We talk about the flywheel again, right, you’re just running around chasing your tail over and over again, as soon as you start to get out, someone doesn’t show up for their shift or their work or job or bills come in, that you didn’t expect, or whatever it is, something happens. And you own rational firefighter, you are a professional firefighter. Yeah, and you have to almost you have to get burnt. In order to get out of that role, you have to get burnt, you have to step aside, maybe a couple of things fall through the cracks, in order to give yourself the time to look over the business. And then start developing the system, start developing the processes that are going to run your business and start hiring the experts putting away money if you need to. I mean, guys listen to this, right? different stages, right? Just, if you have to squirrel away 20 bucks at a time, do it. So you have the foresight of getting out of that, that place where you can bring somebody in to help you their business. So you can actually go be with your wife, go be with your kids. Because most men when you ask them like well, so why are you doing this? There was a gentleman here today was, you know, it was worth quite a bit of money. He shared with me what he was doing. And I mean, a lot a lot. And he was saying, hey, look, I’d give it all away in a second. Just have my family. Right? And that’s what a lot of us do it for like, hey, let’s make some extra money to start another business. Why? So I could buy the lake house? Why do you want the lake house? Well, so I could spend time with my family. Right? It’s it’s the story.

Matt Dowdell  33:40  

brief story here, the guy that I I know, well, it’s in my circles around in my industry locally. And he had lost his first wife, unfortunately, to cancer. And he, he ended up remarrying. And after a couple of years of being remarried, things weren’t going well. And you know, and it was, it was weighing on him. And he called me and he had wanted to know if I wanted to buy his business, and I didn’t, but it was an opportunity to have a deeper conversation, you know, so I started probing a little bit I was asking him about what his role is there what you know, who else helps out in leadership positions, and, and then as we got there, I said, Well, what are you paying the guy who’s, you know, kind of your right hand, man, you know, and by the way, you should just let your right hand man, like hire a right hand man that actually just runs the business for you. Right? And he told me and it was, you know, certainly low. And I knew his finances. I said, once you just give that guy 50 grand more along. That seems like an awful lot of money. And I was like, Well, you know, like, do you want to lose another wife? Right, which was a deep place to go. And his his first wife was a lovely woman and you’d lost her. But it was like, man, what is it gonna take? Yeah, you’re gonna go through you know, you’re gonna go through losing your Second Life over are, you know, like, let go. Yeah, the good news about this. That was a couple of years ago, I just heard that he brought on a partner and he’s stepping out he won’t be in the daily business like, Thank God, right? Yeah, he’s gonna go live with his wife and be with his wife. It’s

Doug Holt  35:16  

hard to let go control though sometimes. I mean, it really is, at least I struggle with it still, at times, I go through the whole idea that you know, when I see it, I just want to get it done. And sometimes, like, I’ll just do it. Right. I think a lot of guys go through that stage. I’ll just do it. I’ll just do it. Which gets hard then to look for the person and I go to the story start coming. See you guys dreading a little bit.

Chris Hartig  35:40  

train people, it’s too hard to do this. People don’t want to work blah, blah, blah.

Matt Dowdell  35:43  

Oh, man. I mean, that’s,

Chris Hartig  35:47  

if that’s what you’re looking for. That’s you’re gonna find yeah, that’s, I mean, you because because I mean, you’re the guy you know, all the answers. So you’re going to tell yourself these stories, and you’re only going to see what proves them true. Yep. And that’s where it goes down to fear and ego, right. And if you can just, you know, you talked about at one point, someone, it’s so easy, you just want to shake somebody, but I got to figure it out themselves. But at the core of it is just fear and ego. And if everybody looks at you as the one, you’re up here, you’re on this pedestal significant, you’re significant. And you believe that how can you admit to everybody or I can’t be struggling? I’m not allowed to struggle. I’m not. No, this can’t be happening. And you just gotta let go and go. Yeah, like I’m struggling. But I can figure it out. Other people can help me figure it out, you know, and it’s just letting go of that.

Doug Holt  36:31  

Awesome. I agree. 100%. That’s in every area, not just business, right?

Chris Hartig  36:36  

Yeah, I was. I was even thinking about actually going. I was like, I went to a different wavelength there. Yeah. You

Matt Dowdell  36:43  

want to get healthy, higher? Nutritionists? Yeah. hire a personal trainer, right.

Doug Holt  36:47  

I mean, you name it. Yep. Any area.

Chris Hartig  36:49  

What would make it I hear Tim Matthews voice in my head, like three or four times a week? What would make this easy? Yeah, it’s just like, still, honestly.

Matt Dowdell  36:59  

He got that from you know, Mark Smith. Mark. Yeah, Mark.

Doug Holt  37:02  

Yeah, Mark, probably steal it from Tim. I stole it from somebody else, I’m sure but I want to read it.

Chris Hartig  37:09  

I stole it from you guys. Do I use it around the house all the time?But Tim’s accent no offense, Doug. But it’s much more fun to hear.

Matt Dowdell  37:15  

You can you give us like a little impersonation here, but I

Doug Holt  37:19  

can’t access. I’ve tried so many times. But I’ve gone as far as copying Tim’s voice. If Tim listens to this, you’ll know. And using AI. Now I’ve got some scripts. I’m gonna start putting out messages with Tim’s voice on there. While they’re probably not going to be the ones that pick Tim wants to hear that. You know, Tim, I loved him Tim’s like my brother, as you guys know. So we have a lot of fun. He’s got a great voice. He does have a nice, yeah, he’s an amazing coach pacer radio. That’s the only clip we’re gonna cut out of this. So I’m curious for you guys, both of you. If somebody is listening to this right now. And they’re thinking, man, things aren’t working out right now. Things aren’t working well. What advice would you give them?

Chris Hartig  38:06  

Don’t wait. You’re, you’re right here. It’s right in front of you. And if it’s not this, that’s fine. It’s something else. Yeah. Because, you know, for me, unfortunately, not in this case, I would get stuck on making sure it was the thing. Just go. Because as soon as you move, if it’s not the thing, but you’re, you’re earnestly going in that direction, you’ll find the thing. And if you’re, if you’re thinking about this, the best thing a man can do is be honest with themselves. So just be really honest with yourself. You don’t even have to tell anybody, you can just sit there and be honest with yourself. If you can be honest with yourself, and it’s, it’s not going where were you wanting to go and you don’t see it, then take the step forward, you know, and just make that phone call. Reach out. In my experience, it always gets better from there. Yeah.

Matt Dowdell  39:02  

Yeah, I mean, I think extreme accountability and, and right, take action. Make a leadership decision, do something. You know, I that really resonated for me this week. You know, like, just just watching the guys and, and the guys who, you know, had that had that sense when they first came in here. Life’s happening to me. Yes. Right. And they’re just sitting there passively in the corner, taking the hits. And it’s like, Man, when are you going to hit back?

Doug Holt  39:31  

Yeah, right.

Matt Dowdell  39:32  

This is the fierce that we were talking about earlier. Get fierce make a decision, lead your family to the next level? Do it. My

Doug Holt  39:41  

wife’s in so we’re out in the studio right now, which is detached from the main place where we do The Alpha Reset, and my wife has now given a woman’s point of view to these 10 guys, and one of the things that she tells me so often and we hear this also and you guys know the answer here is the what the top complaints women have is that their man isn’t being decisive? Absolutely. Where do you want to go to dinner? I don’t know, wherever, where do you want to go? I don’t know. I don’t care. And guys think they’re being nice. Like I’m doing the right thing, because I really don’t care. And that’s the biggest turnoff, because then she has to get into her masculine. Right? All right, now she’s got to do it. Which means either you got you have two choices here. Either you become the beta, or you rise up against her. And now you have two masculine is clashing, right. Yeah. And we both know, we all know how that goes, Yeah, you got two masculine people coming, there’s going to be a fight, or someone’s gotta back down. Well,

Matt Dowdell  40:34  

and there’s a bunch of guys sitting here listening this right. And I was like, but I just don’t give a shit about the color of the curtains. I just don’t care about the doilies at the wedding or right. And that’s not the point. No, right? I mean, the amount of, you know, just be definitive. Doesn’t matter whether it’s right or wrong, like make a decision, right? Your wife can have the power of saying, oh, okay, I like that. Well, I feel a little differently. And you can work that out. Yeah. But oh, what do you want here? You know, whatever. The boss says, oh, no, like, that’s not what she’s looking for, from you know, and in fact, go a step further, and actually suggest things don’t make her come to you, right? Yeah, absolutely.

Chris Hartig  41:16  

Yeah.

Doug Holt  41:17  

I was telling a buddy one time, I would only say this to friends. Of course, this way. Well, you guys know me well enough. I will probably say this to somebody else. But my friend was going through a hard time. He’s I give her everything I go, dude. She wanted someone that would just come running to her every time she would have got a friggin dog. Right. Dogs are great. They’re loyal. They’re fun. They’re companions. They don’t, don’t talk, you know, they’re always excited to see you. Like you’re being a dog to her. Like she’s telling you what to do. It’s not what she wants. And as soon as he started being more of himself be more authority just got more of a backbone in and that’s the guy I used to know. Right before he became like, the super nice guy and sedated. He started doing the things that we teach in the powerful man the ARS, and started speaking up for himself not being rude, but just standing up for himself. All of a sudden, this horrible woman he was married to became the sweet woman that he married. Right, you get that? You can’t. And that was a difference at all he had to do was be find himself again, and, and politely stand up for himself. I say politely because some guys hear the message. And I think that gives them a license to be a dick. And that’s not what we’re saying at all. No, no, no.

Chris Hartig  42:25  

And they also to their they’re wiser than that than we give them credit. They just want us to be happy, right? If we’re doing some things for ourselves and make ourselves happy. And we bring that back. I didn’t understand that until I got in here. Like, you know, I always felt like, I’m like, no, no, no, I’m not gonna go to my buddy to raise house and have a garden. And I’m not gonna go play golf, because I felt like what I was supposed to do was was, you know, particularly when I felt like we were struggling, I needed to be here, right. And what I needed was to go do things that made me happy, because I would bring that home and they feel that right. And so and they were telling us, you know, I was in my head like she should you know, trying to get rid of me doesn’t want me here right now. Anyway. No, they just want me to go do my Do your thing, right? Because that’s what guys need to do. But you know, be respectful about it and be considerate. But at the same time. Yeah, you got to do your stuff. Could

Doug Holt  43:21  

be a combo, by the way. Just say. Yeah, good ones out of the house, too. Yeah,

Chris Hartig  43:25  

they do. They need their space, too. And they definitely need to have it. Yep. Now they give it to him.

Doug Holt  43:31  

100%. I always get asked, How’s your wife? You have two young kids? Has she let you do these events and get away from golf away from home? And what have you. And we were talking about this earlier? I can’t remember which one of you said I think was you, Matt, but my wife, I come back a better husband, a better father a better human every time I get these events, and I surround myself with other men that are working on themselves, right? Because you can’t help with Andy and I, all the coaches. The reason we do the top one, we love them, but two, we’re going through them just like you guys experienced, when a guy’s telling a story, you’re going oh my gosh, I’m doing that again? or what have you, whatever it is, yeah,

Matt Dowdell  44:05  

you’re finding the good gut check. It’s a great gut

Doug Holt  44:09  

check. You know, and you see, okay, what am I doing that in my life? Oh, gosh, I gotta get to tweak that a little bit. A little one degree here, one degree there. And so yeah, my, my wife loves it. When I come to these events. I come home and just so much more fulfilled.

Matt Dowdell  44:21  

Yeah, my wife is super supportive of a TPM in general, but, but you know, going to the events. Absolutely. You know, Doug, you were saying something earlier, you know, that made me think about, we heard it here a couple of times this week and thinking about the guys who might be listening to this or trying to figure out what to do next, you know, happened in my reset, too. And I hear it, you know, in our groups, is this, this idea? I give her everything she wants, right? I’ve given you everything and it’s like, well, you clearly aren’t Yeah, right. So tune in because you’re not listening. Right? It you know, and they’ll go down the list. Thus, you know, you can go anywhere you want, I bought you a new car, you have the most beautiful house, you know? And it’s like, man, just telling you right, either with their words or their actions. That’s not what she wants from you. And I know I mean, I know my wife told me many, many times for years, you’re not giving me what I need, you know? And I remember thinking, Okay, well, I want to write so I’m just going to double down and work harder possible even more. Yep. And yeah, and you know, I think what we learned this week, or at least, was reinforced was this idea. It’s not a head problem. It’s a hard problem, right? Open your heart, and really see her listen to her, you know, learn what her needs really are. And you gotta open up yourself for that.

Doug Holt  45:47  

I think that I think a lot of guys build up so much resentment, yeah, that their teenager comes out. Right? Yeah. And you’re talking about transactional relationships. This point of stuff. You know, that it’s easy to go into that transactional relationship. And one, man, I’ll give her what she wants, once she does this, once I once I get below jobs, then I’ll start being nice. Or once I get sex or whatever, every guy, I’ve heard every story under the sun, right. But you have and they get to be transactional. And it’s just like a business deal. And who wants to be married to a business deal? Right, like? Well,

Chris Hartig  46:21  

it all it all starts with that before the resentments that expectation, right. And yeah, and you haven’t the two of you hadn’t had an agreement on that expectation, either. Right. So that’s, that’s a covert contract. Right. That’s, that’s an agreement in your that’s a one way agreement. Right. Yeah. And then you let those expectations that you haven’t expressed, they’re not met, and then you build that resentment? Yes. And it just burns you up. I know, I know it all too. Well, I know it all too. Well. And then. And so that’s where, you know, and then one resentment builds on top of another resentment. And as you your analogy is fantastic. You know, relationship is a pane of glass, right? Yeah. And those resentments every time you get one, you throw them on glass, and oh, and muds get thrown from both sides, because you’re thinking you’re the only one there. Oh, boy, when you start, like asking you Wow. You know, and so and it’s it’s good. So those those those those communication and understanding how to communicate expectations and needs. Obviously, you don’t build those resentments because the resentments are the beginning. They think they’re bad. But then resentments lead to contempt. And once you have contempt for something, it’s a long way. You know, a lot of times they say you can’t get back from contempt. Yeah. So yeah, it’s a very slippery slope. Yeah, I

Doug Holt  47:39  

think you can’t get back. I think it’s like, it’s just very it’s, that’s,

Chris Hartig  47:42  

that’s the low bottom right? Yes. Yeah.

Doug Holt  47:44  

You got a lot of rewrite the script. Yeah. To prove yourself a lot more for your ones your own psyche, right. Yeah, then to that content, man probably goes both ways at this point. Or she’s felt that so much she feels abused. Yeah. And I hear that all the time from women. And back to what you were saying that you guys said, like, I give her everything, except for what she needs. I

Matt Dowdell  48:06  

was on a conversation with somebody, it might have been Gavin, the other day, we were talking about, like, you know, what happens is, is that both parties are so focused on not getting their needs met, like, right, that it becomes this power struggle, yeah, over who’s going to get their needs met. And I hear so many guys talk about, like, why does it have to be me? You know, why do I have to meet her needs in order to get my needs met? I’m like, man, don’t drive yourself crazy. Trying to figure that one out. Right? Just yeah, just lead. Right. She’s not gonna lead you out of that. And I think that it’s really important, you know, to kind of drop the sword. Right, step back and and work on that part of meeting her needs be showing up for right. And eventually, you know, then you will get out of that struggle of my needs aren’t getting met, you know, put her first. I think I think you do,

Doug Holt  48:58  

and just because it’s it’s love. Right? Yeah. You meeting her needs? Not? This is that’s the transaction again, right? That’s right. So guys go not hustling. Yeah. Don’t hustle. Well, yeah. But I think a lot of guys will say, Well, why should I have to be the first one to meet her needs? She doesn’t meet mine. Right? But really what he’s saying is like, well, if she does this, then I’ll do that. Right. You’re back in a transactional relationship. And that’s shitty, right? And most relationships even go brown to a barbecue or anything. And you couples, almost all of them are in the transactional stage at their best,

Chris Hartig  49:28  

particularly after, you know, a dozen or more years and a couple of kids and yeah,

Doug Holt  49:32  

oh, yeah. Work stress you soccer practices and all that you throw it in there. It’s tough. And when you get around a couple that’s not you can tell it’s palpable. Right. And the more that my experience, my personal experience is the more from my wife Erin, the more I would do just out of pure love. If she didn’t reciprocate. It didn’t matter because I was doing it because I chose to do it for her. And then magically guess what happens guys? All of a sudden she’s going out of her way to meet my needs. And then we become repetitive on who can help the other person and lift the other person up. And that’s when it gets magical marriage for me at least. That’s a great place to be

Chris Hartig  50:07  

one of the guys. It’s a great point one of the guys was asking about, you know, we were just talking about the it’s not the big things, it’s the little things right. One of the things I like to do is always, you know, acts of service and gifts are a love language for my wife. And so, you know, I love to get like a coffee and leave it for and he has all I do that. He says, Then I asked her and she doesn’t say anything. And I. Yeah, you do it for her, you’re doing it for you, right, I’ll get a coffee for my wife, and I’ll leave it from the counter or bring her drink home from the club. And I I’m just doing it because I love her and I want her to have something. And if she says something great, and she doesn’t enjoy it, and it is what it is right. And that’s where it’s, that’s where it’s most transactional. I just know that. She’s going to see that and go oh, yeah, this is great. You don’t need to tell me like, you know, he gets me. Yeah, yeah.

Doug Holt  50:57  

Oh, he just does a random act. Right? Anything, leave her coffee mug outside? Right? Do it all at my house a lot. Yeah, we heard it here was a great guy. And he had leased a self recognition. So how can I say this? I’m just gonna skip that park. So give away. But but he found out basically that, you know, he was giving gifts to his wife. And his wife knew sure that the gifts he was giving were just because she you know, just to get something. Yeah. So much the point where he gave it to her now leave me alone is he said and walked away? You know, it’s like, come on.

Matt Dowdell  51:31  

I got a I got a brief story about you know, my wife and I was like, Alright, I’m gonna get her to love languages. Take the quiz, right? So Newsflash, man, personal touch, right? Every guy in the world gets the same result on. And my wife’s was quality time. So I was like, Man, I’m gonna, you know, I am going to be the best quality time dude ever. So after about a month, I was like, so you know, how’s it going? Like, you know what, you know, can you can give me any feedback? And she’s like, Yeah, you check on the box. They’re, like, you come in, you say all the right stuff, you ask the right questions, you sit there, you nod your head. And now and she said, but I want to know about you. This isn’t about just about me, this is about us together, and we’re communicating and you’re opening up. Right? So that was great feedback, you know, and I was, I was grateful that, you know, that, that she said that, you know, that were in place for her, she could do that. It’s, again, thinking about the transactional part of it, you know, we’re just like, the problem solving, you know, work solution, like, Okay, I’m gonna, I’m gonna figure this out and get it all worked out. My wife’s gonna think I’m just the greatest guy ever, you know? But yeah, it was. It was really great feedback. Well,

Doug Holt  52:49  

kudos to you. Right. You didn’t go into DEER mode, which I always say this because I want any of you guys know this. But deers defend excuse explain react. I could see how a lot of guys would your wife up when you did you know, you need to check the box. Good job. And then I see a guy just blown up. Right? What do you mean, I’ve been working? So are what have you been doing? And then that builds the resentment it gives. Also guys need to understand this. It gives their woman like a Ha, yeah, I knew that this was fake. Right. And you’re just faking it. This is not what you’re really about. Where you stood, the storm said, Sure. Did you chant you just change the paradigm? This is great feedback. She’s given me the roadmap. Awesome. I’ll take that. And this is something I can work with.

Matt Dowdell  53:31  

Right. Right. And it’s really not that subtle, usually with women, right? I mean, they kind of they’re, they’re giving you signals pretty direct signal all the time. Yeah, right. Just gotta you know, open your ears, open your eyes. Pause and listen and pay attention. Yeah,

Doug Holt  53:44  

well not react. I mean, I think most of us reacting is the biggest one that we defend, excuse and explain. But it’s that reacting, we get triggered and then, you know, bless you catch yourself and know how to do it really? Well. It all goes to hell. Quickly. Well, at least as for me, I’ll speak for myself. Going through there any parting words of wisdom or advice that you’d like to leave here?

Chris Hartig  54:11  

You go first this time, but I’m gonna throw you under the bus now.

Matt Dowdell  54:14  

I feel like a double standard like yours

Well, I mean, I think we set up pretty well earlier in the census. Like take action lead. You know, I think probably by not probably right. It’s the best thing you can do is take action. You know, if you’re if you’re if you’re struggling, whether it’s you know, with personal stuff, and certainly no one’s going to fix that for you. Yeah. And as loving as our wives are, and they’re all the rest of it. I mean, they’re looking for that from us. And I think you know, taking that step, taking that leap of faith, taking some action, do it now. Why Wait, do it now.

Doug Holt  55:01  

And

Chris Hartig  55:02  

what I would say on top of that, too, is what do you got to lose? Yeah, exactly. You don’t want to like you say the rocking chair test. You don’t want me sitting back? Yeah. 80 years old. Well, man, if I just let you just what? Yeah, like, just do it. You’re not it’s. And the other thing too, is is, is hardest it is to look at yourself and work on those things, when you go through that the confidence that it gives you for the next thing, and the next thing, the flywheel that you talked about. Yeah. Yeah, that’s how you build yourself up, obviously, with great men around you in community and help. But yeah, I mean, what are you waiting for? Let’s just Let’s just do it. Yeah,

Doug Holt  55:42  

I’m gonna touch on that real quick. Because I think it’s great, Chris. And, you know, whenever I’ve asked it, I don’t know how many times I’ve asked this question to a man. I was like, hey, look, you’re in your later years, later years, you’re sitting on the porch, rocking chair, got a bourbon you got eliminate whatever it is, you’re you’re sitting there sipping, you’re reflecting on your life. What are you happiest about, like what’s most important to you? And I’ve only had one guy, one guy talk about his business. Everybody else talked about his kid, their kids and their spouse. And that’s it. So if your kids and your spouse if your relationships, the people you love are the most important, then where are they on your calendar? Where are they on your true priority list? Right? And I always kind of said, I took this from somebody else, too, is show me your bank account. And I’ll show your priorities. Show me your calendar, and I’ll show you your priorities. So those two things. Usually when I do one on one coaching, the two things I ask a guy for right away, like they give me their goals. A cool, pull up your calendar, let’s look at it. Where’s your wife? Say you’re married? Your kids are important. Where? Where’s the practices? The games? Why don’t see on your calendar. Alright, let’s look at your bank account, which is a weird one, right? But like pull it up? Let’s look at where you’re voting with your dollars. Where are you going with your money? I asked where you’re really because I’m asking is, where are you? You say you want this. But your vote on time. Let’s see what you’re voting where you’re putting your time. You say want this to see where you’re voting with your money. And they’re very rarely are they you know, they actually showcasing what men truly say they want. And it should be a reflection, right. I have date night on my calendar. I have my kids on my calendar, family time on my calendar. Right. And that’s what you that’s what you want to have. And so to your point, you know, you got to do it.

Chris Hartig  57:25  

Yeah. And the things that hold you back do you think are important? They’re not important at all. What will people say that they’re they’re sitting in the cheap seats to you right now. It doesn’t matter what they say. It’s about you just go do it.

Matt Dowdell  57:39  

Get on the field. Yeah, get

Chris Hartig  57:40  

on the field.

Doug Holt  57:42  

I love it. Guys. Thank you so much for being here, man. It’s one. It’s been great spending time with you guys. Yeah. Excellent. So had fun. And just the love and care you gave to these 10 guys, and everybody in the movement is just absolutely amazing. Because we’re amazing men. So thank you.

Chris Hartig  57:56  

Thank you. Yeah, thank you Duggan. You guys know what you do? It’s amazing stuff. Yes,

Doug Holt  58:01  

You got a brother. Jim is always saying the moment of insight take massive action. As you can see, these two amazing guys here. They’re the epitome of what a powerful man is. Or we use the WOLF wise, open, loving and fierce. We never say it’s about perfection. None of us are perfect. We all have our flaws. It’s about being on the journey. And being willing to look at yourself to take action, whatever that action is to you imperfect action, whatever. But don’t be stagnant. Don’t stand on the fence, go somewhere, doesn’t have to be working with a powerful man or TPM, go somewhere else. Whatever works best for you. But whenever you do something, don’t go from podcast, a podcast or YouTube video to YouTube video. I call that educational masturbation. I used to do it a lot. You know, what I want you to do is just stop write down the insights, you got the wisdom that these two amazing men have shared with you guys. Write that down, you know and take action on it. What’s your next action step? The smallest thing you can do immediately is better than waiting for a large jump, just the smallest micro thing. schedule that call, call the person you care about. Look at your calendar, pull your calendar out and tell me if I looked at it. What would Doug say? What would I say your priorities really are if I looked at your calendar, and do it, actually do it, pull up your bank statement. If I looked through your bank statement for last 30 days, what would I say your priorities are and this will give you some insight and some leverage over yourself that you can actually move forward. As always guys, we’re in your corner. We’ll see you next time on the TPM show.