Episode #881
Ever feel like you’re lying next to a stranger, even though you’re just inches apart? It’s common for couples, especially as they become empty nesters. But what if you could avoid that growing emotional gap before it’s too late?
In this episode, I answer a listener’s question about navigating marriage as an empty nester. I’ll break down why couples tend to drift and share practical steps to rekindle that spark and intimacy.
You’ll get tools to figure out where your marriage stands, avoid the mistakes most guys make when their wives pull away, and how to get back to dating your wife again. Whether you’re heading into the empty nest phase or just want a stronger connection, this is for you.
Tune in for insights on:
– Why emotional distance creeps into long-term marriages
– The common traps men fall into when their wives start drifting
– How to bring back intimacy, even when it feels like the fire’s gone
Don’t miss this chance to strengthen your marriage. Listen now!
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Head over to our BONUS page for special access to some of the deeper tactics and techniques we’ve developed at The Powerful Man.
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Transcription
Doug Holt 0:00
We want to get as many men out there, and we actually have a lot of women who listen to this show because they write in. People need this information because, as you said, most women don’t know this stuff.
Erin Holt 0:08
I did not learn this until much later, like my late 20s, and I’ve been diving into it, trying to understand. It sounds so strange because we’re going to experience this for so much of our lives, but it’s not taught like this. It’s not taught like this at all, and understanding yourself first and foremost allows you to just feel better. Then you can teach your partners and children, and everything just works better.
Doug Holt 0:44
Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the TPM show, and today we are joined by a very special guest, a woman who’s very important to me, my beautiful wife, Erin Holt. Erin, as you guys know, has been a regular guest on the show, providing a woman’s perspective. Erin is also a coach who coaches women—women like your wife. So what I want you guys to do is grab a notepad, because today, Erin is going to do a deep dive into a subject matter that she actually brought forth to some of the men in our one-year mastermind group, The Brotherhood, as well as the men in the Inner Circle. Now, she can’t go into all the depth today, but she is going to talk about something that really opened my eyes when I heard this information, and I think it will for you. So grab a pen and paper, and today we’re going to talk about women’s cycles and what we as men need to know about them. Erin, thanks for being here.
Erin Holt 1:38
Thanks for having me again.
Doug Holt 1:39
It feels weird calling you Erin. I know. Babe, thanks for being here.
Erin Holt 1:43
Yep. I wanted to share, like Doug said, about women’s cycles because you have women in your life in the form of a wife, a partner, daughters, mothers, and coworkers—everyone. Mostly, what we will probably focus on today is the phase of knowing your partner’s cycles and understanding that. It puts you in the role—if you actually understand as best you can what’s going on with her—in the role of the hero. Because these are ways that you can support her. It’s really hard to understand something if you’ve never experienced it. Obviously, you guys are never going to have a period. But if you can really start to honor it instead of dreading it or fearing it because you don’t understand it, it will bring a totally different energy to her. Just understanding that a woman’s cycle is roughly 28 to 30 days, the same as the moon. We’re very connected to the cycles of the seasons and the earth. Men’s cycles, on the other hand, are 24-hour cycles. So if you think about yourself, like, you wake up in the morning, and men’s testosterone is the highest. I think we can all know what happens usually in the morning. Then, as you go throughout the day, most men—I know Doug definitely does—experience a lull in the afternoon when their energy is lower. It’s harder for them to do some of the more challenging tasks, or it’s just like, “Woo, this is not the phase for making big choices. I’d rather just nap.” That’s because men’s testosterone drops in the afternoon, and then it starts over—all in a 24-hour cycle. It sounds really, really, really nice, actually. Just think about how different you feel in the morning versus the afternoon.
Doug Holt 3:23
Yeah. And so I want to help these guys out. So why should the guys care? So guys listening to this, right? They all love and respect their partners. This isn’t something that’s talked about. Before you dive in, let’s talk about what are the benefits to the listener for understanding his wife’s or his daughter’s cycles.
Erin Holt 3:44
Simply put, the outcome is, if you do this really well, you get to be her hero.
Doug Holt 3:48
There you go. Let’s leave it at that. There are a lot of other benefits, of course, by being her partner. And a lot of the men that have gone through your master class that you did, the men were raving about it. That’s why we asked you to come on and do it today—just a little brief synopsis. But what they’re finding is, with their wives, they were able to communicate and connect at a deeper level. And guys, look, you’re gonna know, if you’re monitoring her cycle, when she’s gonna be the horniest, when she’s not going to be, so you can time your intimacy a little bit better. But also, men with their daughters, it was really cool to see, as a father of a daughter, to learn these things so that they could then teach their daughters. And a lot of guys said, “Hey, my wife doesn’t even know this stuff.”
Erin Holt 4:28
It’s not. It’s shocking. If I could just scream this from the rooftops so that everybody knows this, it would be a game changer for most people’s lives. Okay, we’re gonna start with day one of a woman’s cycle, which is when she starts bleeding, okay? So just think of it like this: every single cycle out of the four weeks, we feel different, and it’s all due to the changes in hormones. It’s not because we’re crazy, it’s not because we’re unreliable, and it’s not because we’re moody. Every week, our hormones are changing again. Compare how you feel in the morning versus the afternoon—that is due to hormonal changes, mostly. Other factors, too, but let’s stay in the conversation of hormones. When you’re bleeding, for a better understanding, think of it like wintertime. Wintertime is darker, quieter, and all the leaves have come off the trees. The leaves have taken all their water and brought it down into the roots. They’re restoring and resting, so that when springtime comes, they’ll have the energy to grow the leaves again and bring all the nutrients back out to the branches. Similar in a woman’s body—this is a time, like, right before she’s bleeding and when she’s bleeding, that you should support her rest. Her body is working so hard, and she doesn’t feel that great. There’s a lot of energy going out that is unseen. So, most women, we will get our normal responsibilities done, and if we are supported in having more downtime and needing more sleep—like last night, I’m getting near this phase, and I literally fell asleep on the couch at 7:30 p.m.—I could have stayed there all night. Women feel very, we don’t have the energy expenditure that we normally have access to. And if that is supported, instead of being poked fun at or made to feel like we’re less than because we’re not producing all these results that we are capable of but don’t have the energy for—just knowing that, if you support her rest and encourage her to rest more, she will come back tenfold in appreciation for you. But also, her energy will just shoot through the roof because right now, she’s not feeling her best. The main thing is just knowing that and not making fun of her for this. Making fun of her through this phase is just not going to produce the result that you want. You will not be her hero. And when she comes out of this phase, she’s not going to look at you with stars in her eyes. Whereas, if you do support her, she’s going to feel so loved and cherished, and that you’re devoted to her, which is what every woman needs. So, you might want to take notes of that right there: love, cherish, and that she has your devotion.
Clear things you can do: cook and care for the kids a little bit more. It doesn’t matter if it’s ordering in, setting a chill vibe, creating a movie night, or a game night. I call it soul intimacy—things like cuddling on the couch with her, rubbing her feet, just knowing that she does not feel her best right now. Physically, emotionally, she just doesn’t. This is also a really big thing you can do as men—be in leadership, be the protector of her energy. Everything’s a little bit harder during this phase—from getting dressed to making choices. Even right now, I’m like, “Wow, I’m feeling more tired than normal.” We’re still super capable, but we would love support in that way, like protecting our energy. If the kids are going nuts, just be like, “Hey guys, you need to go in the other room tonight,” or take them out on a bike ride or whatever. She will very much appreciate that.
As the end of the period comes—everyone’s a little bit different, but let’s say day one through five or seven is the bleeding phase, slash wintertime—around day three or four, my energy really starts coming back. It’s almost like, “Whoa, somebody gave me an extra energy key,” and you’re like, “Oh wow, there I am.” The next phase, phase two, is week two, days eight through fourteen. This is right after a woman starts bleeding, and her energy is going to be off the charts compared to how it was when she was right before bleeding and during bleeding. I can’t even tell you how different we feel, almost like a different woman in such a good way. It’s like a deep exhale breath after bleeding. You’re like, “Oh!” because bleeding is deeply cleansing emotionally and spiritually. I talk a lot about this in the masterclass. It’s a really big time of refinement for a woman—every month, about what’s working, what’s not. Things become very, very confronting for her. So anyways, that phase is over.
This is a time of, like, think about spring, right? It’s fun, more energy, flowers are out, trees are budding, animals are out. Everybody’s like, “Woohoo! Sweaters are off, let’s wear T-shirts, let’s hang out.” This is how this phase feels.
Erin Holt 9:05
This is a time when you can support her through this phase by courting her, dating her, and leading her. Set up the date nights, tell her what to wear, get her out, and let her know that you love having her on your arm. She is coming into feeling very sexual, very horny, and wants you—primal energy. She wants to feel all of your sexual devotion towards her. Capitalize on this because our sexual energy goes from pretty low, near zero, to 100, all due to hormones. So know that, and lead her. She will want to jump your brains out and just have fun. So make it a fun time. Also, this is a time, with all that energy coming back, for dreaming and projects, and, “Oh, I wanted to do that thing,” or, “I want to run that race.” Support her, support her in her dreams. As most of you know, once you’re at the stage of life where you’re married, have kids, or stepkids, and all the things, it’s so awesome, and it’s so busy. Usually, for partners to fulfill their dreams, it takes a lot of compromise. Be willing to support her in whatever it is. If she wants to run that race and get up to run early in the morning, maybe do breakfast with the kids four days a week. I don’t know, just things like that.
Now, the next phase is ovulation. Ovulation can technically be broken into two different phases. But let’s just say, for now, we’re going into days 15 through 21. In the first phase, she is extra horny because, biologically, this is when she can get pregnant. Also, knowing that, teach everybody in your life that needs to know this—this is the time to be very careful if you don’t want anybody getting pregnant. I didn’t know this until you and I were trying to have babies, which sounds crazy. This is not taught, at least it wasn’t taught to me. So yeah, teach your people. And also be aware: during ovulation, you get to be her king. She’s in her peak. Think of this as the peak of the cycle—everything is super heightened for her, physically and sexually. This is the time for hot, down-and-dirty, let’s-enjoy-each-other type sex. Really fun this week, this ovulation week.
If you were aware of her tenderness and fatigue during the bleeding phase and the phase right before bleeding, and you really honored that and supported her rest, the big payoff will come in ovulation. She’s going to feel like you supported her, like you were leading her as her man and understanding what is happening, as best you can, inside of her. When she feels better and is really feeling attracted to you, it’s just going to come back to you tenfold. Everything on her body is heightened, let’s just say that. Also, especially during this time—though it’s important always—her sense of smell is heightened. These are all biological reasons, like looking for a mate to have a baby with. So pay attention to how you smell, how you dress, how you present yourself. Put in a little extra effort around this time; she’s going to notice. She always notices, but it’s going to feel extra during this time of the month. This is the time of the month when it’s fun—during the follicular and ovulation phases. It’s fun for her to get more dressed up, wear that dress, wear that sexy outfit she feels really good in. Of course, she wants you to notice her—yes, her friends and everything, but she wants her man to notice. So pay a little extra attention to grooming yourself during this phase; she will notice.
In the second phase of ovulation, it’s more of a queen-like stage for her, like Cleopatra. It’s more about looking out over her land and contemplating. Her intuitive powers are always high, but they’re a little extra high now. She’s thinking, “Okay, I’m ready to take action in these areas. I know that this needs to happen now.” Sometimes, for men, you guys are like, “Let’s go, quick action,” which is awesome—that’s men’s leadership. And sometimes with me, I think you almost get annoyed, like, “Wait, I need to make a choice.” And I’m like, “I’ll know when I know.” And that’s how it works for a lot of women. It’s like, “I’m gathering information. I’m gathering information, and when I know, I’ll know. It’ll be clear, and everything will get handled.” So that’s a way you can honor how most men and women operate differently. My mom used to say, “When she knows, she’s off.” There’s no questioning—once a woman knows what needs to be done, it’s just wise leadership mode.
These two phases, follicular and ovulation, are really good phases to talk about more of the heavy things—finances, relationship topics you want to update, agreements, parenting. Diving into some topics that can get heated usually leads to good solutions in these phases. On that note, not the best time to talk about these types of things is right before she’s bleeding and while she’s bleeding because she’s so tired and doesn’t have the usual bandwidth that she has during other times. But also, internally, it’s a super big processing time for her. Things are coming up that need to be confronted inside of her, inside her life, inside her marriage, inside her parenting. It’s a really big personal processing time. Can you talk then? Yes. Will it go as well as possible? Not always. That’s not because anything’s wrong with us, it’s because we’re different. And if you can support that, that’d be a really, really cool thing in a partnership.
You can do the luteal phase. This is the late week right before the period, okay? This is when hormones shift once again. This is a phase where most women start to feel more sluggish. We’re starting to slow down. We’re starting to not want to be as social, more like coming into our cave, and it’s a really strong feeling—we are getting ready to bleed again, really. So it’s kind of like our firewalk weekly, like I just mentioned. This is when our deepest concerns in life come up, rise to the surface to be evaluated and looked at. And it can be a really potent time if we know that as women and just also know that we are supposed to do this—this is how we’re all here.
I used to resist going through these cycles. I would be like, “Why do I feel so different every week? Like, what’s wrong with me?” I would just try and push through, and that actually makes a lot of symptoms worse. So knowing this, even as a woman, you can honor yourself and teach your daughters that this is all normal.
So, ways men can support her during the luteal phase, the week right before her period, is to stay steady and consistent. This is like her firewalk week, where things are just really potent and fiery inside of her. Be a steady earth energy. Be grounding. Be calm. Just come up and hold her, and know that she can count on you. This is a great time for you to get projects done around the house that do not require input from her. She wants you around, but she also needs space, but she wants your energy there. Or maybe some women will say they need more space than others, so you get to talk to your partner. This will support your masculinity. Getting those projects done—whatever it is, using the saw, using whatever you’re doing, I don’t know, “man stuff”—will also relieve some of her stress.
If, like I mentioned before, there are hotspots that come up, where it’s like repeating conversations, this isn’t the best week to dive into them. A really masculine leadership thing you can do is say, “This is a really big talk, and really important. Let’s talk about it in a week.” That’s top-level masculinity right there, being able to lead her out of it, because part of her is going to want to dive into it, but she might not be at her best. I know I’m not.
Also, understand that toward the end of this phase and right before she bleeds, it literally almost feels like survival mode some weeks. Some women I know almost feel like they have a low-grade flu—they’re so tired. This is a time when she really just needs junk eliminated from her life, like emotional junk, or self-sabotaging behaviors. Because as women, we have this constant internal GPS of keeping a pulse on our people—making sure they’re happy, they’re safe, they feel good. So if things are getting in the way of that, like lack of cooperation or big financial conversations, things will feel extra chaotic for her and threatening. This will leave her not feeling safe, and we all know it’s really important for women to feel safe with their men. So, all of that to say, this is the time to just really be steady—steady with your energy.
Doug Holt 18:36
Hey guys, I wanted to interrupt this episode because it’s dawned on me that many of you aren’t aware that we actually have a book on how to save your marriage without talking about it. Thousands of men have read it, they’ve reviewed it, and I want to give you the opportunity to do the same if you’re interested in grabbing it. It’s a short read, but it’s helped a lot of men just like you. Maybe you’re not interested in The Activation Method yet, but this is a small entry point that can really turn things around for you. Go over to Amazon; we have it priced as cheap as Amazon will let us. That way, you have a resource that you can use right now to start getting some results in your marriage. Now, let’s get back to the episode.
Erin Holt 19:12
Have your act together, basically. This is an active partnership. This is a week to just have your act together. Be easy, reliable, steady. She’s bloated, she’s not feeling her best, and this is a really sweet time. I know, for me at least, and for a lot of women, like I mentioned before, if you just honor that she doesn’t want to be social or that it’s harder for her, or maybe you do have a really important event you need to get to—just allow her more time to get ready and honor it. This is a week where a lot of women, and it’s societal, get made fun of for PMS and being “bitchy” and blah, blah, blah. I used to think these things and hear them, but if you could just change your internal attitude—this is not a time to put that on her. The reason is because, A, it doesn’t feel good, but B, the result you want is to be her hero, right? As I mentioned, she comes out of this right into the next phase. Every month, energy comes back. A lot of her hormonal shifts bring on board this feeling of, “Wow, I really want my man. I feel really supported by him.” She’s going to want you, and if you’re really honoring and knowing what’s going on for her at this phase, and not poking fun at her, this can be really, really beneficial for couples—knowing this knowledge and really being able to capitalize on supporting her, leading her, and your sex life. Awesome.
Doug Holt 20:35
Thanks for sharing. I know this is eye-opening for me, and I use it. So, I’m thinking of the common questions the guys have brought to me around your master class that you did and everything else. So, one was, “Gosh, how do I know my woman’s cycle?”
Erin Holt 20:51
Yep, what we did—and it works really well for us—is I use an app called Stardust. There are hundreds of apps out there, but I prefer this one. It’s easy, and I can share it with Doug, so he knows where I am in my cycle. It sends text updates; they’re not annoying. They’re pretty cool for me, and they’re really funny for Doug.
Doug Holt 21:11
They’re hilarious, guys. Like, I’m trying to see if I have one now, but they talk to me like a guy. So, I’ll read today’s update if that’s okay with you?
Erin Holt 21:22
Yeah, I don’t even know what it says.
Doug Holt 21:24
Right now, it says, “Today, Erin is like a phone on airplane mode—functional, but less reactive than usual.”
Erin Holt 21:31
Yes, I am. I’m right about to bleed. I feel like I could go home and nap.
Doug Holt 21:36
You were exhausted this morning. You went to bed so early, and then you woke up late. What I’m sharing with the guys is that for me, that’s kind of funny and witty because as men, we like to joke a lot. You know, you just said, “Don’t make fun or poke fun at things.” I think there’s a time and place in the way you do it. Some women are going to be more receptive than others. Some are going to be more sensitive than others. But I think the app is a great way. I like the Stardust app. Maybe they all do that, but I’m guessing not. The guys I’ve talked to are like, “Oh, wow.” When I describe this app and how it sends little funny quirks—quips, that’s the word I’m looking for—it just makes it lighter, right? I know where you’re at. I can look at it real quick; an alert pops up on my phone periodically. It’s not annoying, but then I can help you navigate through that, and I understand what’s going on more when I follow your cycle. And it also tells me what’s coming up, right? I can look at it, and it gives me a rough predictor of the days and weeks to come.
Erin Holt 22:42
We also, not every time, but sometimes, have planned vacations around my cycle the best we can. We do that often. We try and make that happen.
Doug Holt 22:51
For good reasons. Yeah. And that’s a great thing for guys to think about. One thing you were saying earlier was about big conversations, date nights, or specific things you want to do. We always tell the guys, as much as you can, you should do a weekly date night. You and I have a date night tomorrow, right? So, me knowing where you are energetically allows me to plan the type of date very differently than I would say, two weeks from now.
Erin Holt 23:27
Yes.
Doug Holt 23:27
Right? It would be two totally different scenarios.
Erin Holt 23:29
Yes, for obvious reasons.
Doug Holt 23:31
The other thing I wanted to hit on that I get asked a lot is, “What if my partner is on birth control?” So, birth control—whatever kind it is, and there are many different forms now—stops ovulation so that a woman cannot get pregnant. She will still cycle, and her hormones will still fluctuate, but not as much. It’s been a long time since I’ve used birth control because my body didn’t like any of those pills or anything. But she will still cycle. If a woman actually tunes in, whatever birth control she’s on, she might not have periods, but she can still feel, like, “Oh wow, this is when I would be bleeding.” She’ll have symptoms. They might be toned down, but she’ll feel more tired, more bloated, or just like, “Why is it so hard to get dressed? My pants aren’t fitting like they normally do.” Everything just kind of changes there for those few days, and it’s harder. So, even if she’s on birth control, she is still cycling; it’s just not as big, usually.
Doug Holt 24:27
Some of the men are separated from their partners right now, or they’re not living together as they’re working on their marriage or relationship. Are there other clues these guys can have? Let’s say it’s their wife or their partner, and they’re going through their stuff, and he’s probably not going to say, “Hey, do you track your cycle? Can you share it with me?” That might not be the point of the conversation they’re at at this stage. Although, for you gentlemen who are in a good relationship, that’s pretty much how you should have that conversation and do it from a point of care and inquiry, not like you’re questioning. Curiosity is the word, I guess. The question is, how can these guys, who are separated or in a place where their relationship isn’t where they want it to be, start recording her cycle without feeling comfortable enough to ask?
Erin Holt 25:21
If you start paying attention, it’s pretty obvious. A woman who is ovulating feels more attractive. Her hormones are setting off the energy of attraction. She wants to be out, and she’s putting more energy into her hair, makeup, dress, fun shoes, etc. It all feels fun, and she wants more—a summer energy, right? She wants to be “on.” On the opposite end of the spectrum, right before she’s about to bleed or in the beginning of bleeding, we just don’t have the energy. A woman’s energy will feel different because her hormones are at their lowest. She doesn’t have the bandwidth for conversations or for going out to events or even dinners. It’s a really big internal time. Those are the two most drastic parts of the cycle, so it’s kind of painted. For me personally, and I know a lot of women, I just want to wear more comfy clothes and a sweatshirt. Of course, I’ll dress up to go out and do what I need to do, but at home, the second I get home, I’m like, “I just want to be comfortable. I want to be cozy. I want my sweatshirt.” You’ll hear me say, “I’m going to put my comfies on.” That’s what feels better.
Doug Holt 26:43
Awesome. So, to sum up, let me tell you what some of the other guys do. Some of the guys who go through the program, if for whatever reason their wife doesn’t want to share her cycle, or they’re not in a place where they feel comfortable talking about it, they can also download an app like Stardust and start using the clues that you’re giving here to start predicting, over time, when their wife’s or partner’s cycle could be. So, if they start to notice that, “Gosh, I’m interacting with her, and she seems more tired,” they can start just taking note of that, and then notice when she comes into her spring or summer phase, and what that is. We have a number of guys who just actively, unbeknownst to their partner, track their wife’s cycle, and they use that information to help support them and their marriage going forward. Over time, what I’ve seen is when they do this, obviously, if they’re supporting their partner, they become closer, right? It’s a natural rhythm of things, if you will. And us guys, we like data. We want information. Give me the instruction manual.
Erin Holt 27:50
Well, this is like the cheat sheet. Exactly. This is going to happen for many, many years of your partner’s life. Working with it instead of against it will do nothing but benefit both of you.
Doug Holt 28:00
And so, if you guys now have this cheat sheet or the manual, you can schedule, like you said, vacations, dates, and conversations. So, if you’re in a really tough spot in your marriage or relationship, you know, bring up these conversations. I shared a message with you before we hit record—one of my one-on-one clients sent it to me. There are certain times to share these kinds of things, certain messages, as best as you can, of course. But there are certain things that you want to plan out, and this is a great way of doing it. It’s going to help her as well, big time. Let’s talk about, real briefly, the benefit—switching gears a little bit—because even if a man’s marriage doesn’t work, but he has a daughter, he’s going to be with her forever, and that’s such a beautiful thing, right? So, let’s talk about what this could mean for the dads out there and how they can support their daughters, whatever age they are.
Erin Holt 28:57
It would be literally life-changing for your daughter. This was not normal when I came of age and started having my period at all. It was like, keep it secret, keep it hush-hush, like it’s annoying, it gets in the way, and there’s weird shame around it, even though half the population does it, and it’s how we’re all here. It’s so strange to me, and it is shifting. So actually, the masterclass I did, almost half of the questions were from dads asking how they can support their daughters. They have 10, 11, 12-year-old girls, and they’re right there. Being able to have two parents that she can go to and feel safe having conversations with, and having a dad that understands what’s going to be happening to her and supports it—being able to hold the energy to have a conversation with her about it and let her know that you’re a safe place to come to. Some of the conversations were about dads who were separated, so they have their daughters half the time. And they’re like, “Okay, so I need to have supplies at my house?” Absolutely. Have supplies at your house for her—whatever she’s using: pads, tampons, cups—and be comfortable knowing those conversations are important, and you need to have them to support her. I have a change of clothes. I’ll be honest with you; I’m a grown-ass woman, and I still bleed through sometimes because you’ve got to think differently, plan differently. Another thing we talked about that I didn’t hit on earlier—days one through three, usually, for most women, the bleeding is heavier. You have to plan to be near bathrooms. You have to plan when you’re changing things and what you’re doing—you just have to learn to think differently. And when you become a teenage girl, that’s really hard. It’s really hard to learn how to operate in the world when you have a period because everything changes. So, being able to have a conversation, and if she does have an accident or bleeds through, just have a change of clothes. Also, teach your sons and daughters to never, ever poke fun at a girl if she has an accident, and you can see blood on her pants. Give her your sweatshirt, let her tie it around her waist—it is mortifying. Be able to be a safe place and say, “Oh, no big deal, I have a change of clothes for you, we’ll find the closest bathroom.” Be a safe place for her. It would be game-changing for her if she could have that.
Doug Holt 31:05
I love it. At TPM, our mission this year is to save 10,000 children by saving their fathers first. Sometimes people go, “What do you mean?” This is what I mean, right? Men having this type of information to help their daughters, and you got emotional when you talked about it. Yeah, it’s a big deal. It’s a huge deal as a woman growing up, and most of us as guys, we joke—that’s just how we deal with things oftentimes. But what a great way. Also, guys, Erin just said, “Hey, this is the cheat sheet for a woman.” What if you teach your sons this too, so as they go out into the world, whatever age they’re at, they can understand what’s going on. It’s so interesting that our society is almost puritanical in the sense that we just don’t discuss this—it’s seen as a bad thing or what have you, even though it’s natural. But this is such a great tool that people can utilize. Now, in the masterclass you put together, you created a couple of cheat sheets, right? One of them actually describes the cycles, and if I recall, and I’m going off memory because I read them and they were really, really good—and I have them saved—the other one was about how you can actually show up. Is that correct?
Erin Holt 32:13
Yeah.
Doug Holt 32:13
So, guys, if you’re interested in getting that cheat sheet on the cycles, if that’s okay, I’ll go ahead and say email VIP—that’s Very Important Person—at thepowerfulman.com, and we’ll get you a copy of that. So, our team will get it to you. Just say you want the cycle cheat sheet that Erin talked about in the podcast, and they’ll get that out to you. So, it’s VIP at thepowerfulman.com.
Doug Holt 32:50
We want to get as many men out there. And we actually have a lot of women that listen to this show because they write in. But people need this information because, as you said, most women don’t know this stuff.
Erin Holt 32:57
I did not learn this until much later, like in my late 20s, and I’ve been diving into it, trying to understand it. It sounds so strange because we’re going to have periods for so much of our lives, but it’s not taught like this at all. And understanding yourself, first and foremost, allows you to just feel better, and then you can teach your partners and children. Everything just works better.
Doug Holt 33:15
It really does. And something I know about most of the men that listen to this show is that they love women, right? That’s one of the reasons they’re here, and they want to show up in their most powerful way for the women in their lives. Now, guys, this also can work with your coworkers, right? Women’s cycles sync, right? Talk a little bit about that real quick before I go into how this could help the guys.
Erin Holt 33:38
I believe hormones are the most powerful thing on the planet. So, I’ve been in many different situations. It’s been years since I’ve had roommates, as far as female friends, but in college, we would be in a household, and almost 80% of us would sync up, and we’d be having periods at the same time, cycling through. When we first moved in, we weren’t in sync, we were kind of off cycles, but it’s just that powerful. It’s hard to describe.
And what you can understand is that it’s actually really sacred to know your cycle. I mentioned it briefly in the beginning, and I went deeper into it in the masterclass, but I think it’s pretty magical. A woman’s cycle mirrors, energetically, the cycles of the seasons and, time-wise, the cycles of the moon. Each cycle of the moon, whether full moon, crescent moon, waning moon, or waxing moon, mirrors the different phases of a woman’s cycle. It’s pretty cool, pretty magical. We’re very disconnected from it in our culture in general. But there are women who are very connected to it, and that’s why one of the things a period is called is a woman’s moon cycle. Our energy and cycles match the moon.
Doug Holt 34:49
And I’m speaking to the guys out there who just want the hacks, right? So imagine if, at your workplace, you have 10 women working together. There is a chance that those women will sync up if they’re together enough, yeah? There’s a very good chance. And so, the men that listen to us, who are business leaders, will spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to increase productivity out of their staff, to raise the bottom line, to get the most out of their workers. They’ll create a great culture and work environment, and men will go to classes from Harvard or anywhere else. But if you have women in your team who are syncing, imagine if you could ethically know their cycles. You’d have to work with your HR on that one, but if you know them, you can support the women through these cycles, coordinate projects, and even the types of food and the bathroom situation. Like here at The Ranch, we have extra supplies for women should they visit, right? So, making sure you have that. But if you’re coordinating productivity, you talked about how the second and third weeks are when women are the most productive, right? That’s when it feels easier?
Erin Holt 36:00
Yeah, it feels much easier.
Doug Holt 36:01
That’s what I mean by the most productive. Obviously, you can grind through anything else, what have you, but for men, I want the guys that work for me to work in their flow state as much as possible. So, if that means Colton works better in the evenings, but Chris works in the mornings, fine, then I’ll talk to them during those times to maximize what works for them. Why wouldn’t we do the same thing with women’s cycles?
Erin Holt 36:26
I know women—this is an awesome conversation you’re having as a men’s company—but I know many women entrepreneurs who have businesses of many different sizes. They plan their businesses, retreats, and other activities around the owner’s cycle, but most of the women working with them sync up. It’s smart. It just makes everything work better.
Doug Holt 36:50
It’s just intelligent, right? You’re just having more tools in the tool belt, and you’re increasing it. It’s always so interesting to me, and I say this a lot—as a business guy, I just got off a meeting with our marketing and operations team, and we invested a lot of money educating our team on a tool that we just bought. But here, men are in their relationships. Now, the guys listening to this are different because they’re here with us, but they don’t invest the time or resources into bettering that, learning more about relationships, learning more about each other, and actually taking those skills to grow. That’s why the guys in The Brotherhood and Inner Circle have the benefit of having you. You do a Women’s Perspective call for those guys, but you also did a deep dive, four-week session on this.
Erin Holt 37:37
Yeah, and on different women’s topics.
Doug Holt 37:41
Yeah, awesome. Thanks so much for what you’re doing. So, if men are interested, if they have a woman in their life and are interested in coaching with you, what’s the best way for their wives, partners, or daughters to reach you? You were recently working with one of the guys’ daughters, right? She’s 16. Absolutely amazing to have you and someone like you guiding them at such an influential age. How can they reach you?
Erin Holt 38:06
The best way is by emailing me at erin@sweatdirtandsoul.com. That’s s-o-u-l dot com.
Doug Holt 38:15
We’ll put that in the notes. So, it’s erin@sweatdirtandsoul.com. Awesome, babe. The work you’re doing is amazing. I’m learning every time, and I’m excited to apply this with you. I do my best; hopefully, I’m doing okay. But also with our daughter, making sure that she has that as I continue to educate myself and learn more. Thank you, gentlemen. As I always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. What I mean here is you are literally getting a cheat sheet, right? This has been phenomenal for me personally and hundreds of other men in the movement. So, this is your chance, your opportunity—rewind, go back and listen to this. Email VIP at thepowerfulman.com, let them know that you want the cycles cheat sheet. That’s what I’m going to call it. That’s not the official title, but go ahead and do that. On a whim, I want to make sure you guys have this at your disposal. We’re here to help you. We’re here to create a movement of empowered men who are out there embracing what it means to be a modern-day man, leading your family, leading your partner.
And also, guys, this is the time to lead yourself. If you’re interested in finding out more about The Activation Method and how it could help you, make sure you go over to thepowerfulman.com. You can get more information there. Whatever you do, take massive action. Don’t go from one podcast to another. This is your call to do this. Bring this information that Erin has shared with you into your life with your partner, into your life with your daughters, and into your life with the other women in your world. In fact, you could share this with them. As Erin said, most women don’t know this. It’s not taught in schools, and it’s not talked about often. So, share this episode with somebody you care about and have a conversation. A conversation matters. Until next time, we’ll see you on the TPM show.
