Episode #50
As apart of growing up, we have all been exposed to external influences like our society. The norms and standards have been programmed in our minds and being unable to meet them will make us feel frustrated and overwhelmed.
We start to feel that we are not good enough and we get tired trying to constantly fit in and meet the requirements set by society.
Society taught us that money would make us happy and that we should hustle in order to become successful and if we are successful we will get everything we want including love and respect. This idea becomes our marker of being successful and not being able to do this will make us feel not good enough.
What we do next is we grind harder thinking that the answer is to “do better” and as the cycle continues with the result of feeling even more tired and frustrated. Falling into this bait ends up making us feel more empty and alone. While we get busy hustling to make money, we don’t realize that we start losing our relationships, forget our priorities and push aside the things that really matter in our lives.
Break the cycle, reprogram your mindset and priorities and reflect on what is really going on inside you. Acknowledge that there is a problem, take ownership and make a change.
Raise your standards because what happens in the external is a complete reflection of your standards.
In this episode you will learn:
- What triggers the feeling of not being good enough
- The influence of external factors on how we live our lives
- How our standards reflect what happens around us
- The importance of reprogramming our mindset and priorities
- The importance of raising our standards
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Episode Transcript
Tim Matthews 0:00
While we’re in Paris to stay in front of the Eiffel tower, these amazing gardens that we were just watching these two young people, and it must have taken them about 15 minutes to take a selfie. Seriously, this isn’t anything against them, but it reflects the need for everything to look certain to have a certain persona. So, as a result, I will look a certain way to my friends and society.
Doug Holt 0:30
Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man show. I am your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host Tim “The Powerful Man” Matthews. Tim, what’s happening, brother?
Tim Matthews 0:44
Yeah, I’m doing well. Doing well, you?.
Doug Holt 0:47
I’m doing well, too. I had a good workout this morning. I got to hang out with my son. My wife makes these healthy pancakes, which I know sounds like an oxymoron. Right? But it’s eggs, spinach and. I think just water. I don’t think she makes it with much else. But she makes it into like a pancake-type deal. Just great sitting with my son., he gets so he’s two years old. So we get so excited about everything. He’s just glowing. He sees pancakes and fresh maple syrup from Vermont. He’s just a happy, happy little guy. So a great morning for me so far.
Tim Matthews 1:21
Oh, good for you guys.
Doug Holt 1:23
Yeah, man. I mean, it’s pretty typical here at the whole house. So breakfast changes, but the hanging out part doesn’t. Then every once in a while, I get to chat with you, man. So it’s a good day.
Tim Matthews 1:35
Thank you.
Doug Holt 1:36
Well, Tim, I want to talk about today, something that keeps coming up over and over again, you and I see. But man, I would say they don’t typically see in themselves when they look at the mirror. What that is, is what’s happening outside of you and your outside environment, your world, whether it be in the area of finance, so your bank account, your business, your relationships, your body, is a reflection of what’s going on inside of you. So Tim on unwrapping them package that for a little bit today during this episode, and see if we can give some of these men some insights. What do you think?
Tim Matthews 2:13
Yeah, bring it home.
Doug Holt 2:15
Cool. So one of the things that we talk about is having optics, and you’ve got me more into the optics. I’m such a visionary kind of free spirit guy. When I go into business, I like optics, but not nearly as much as you do. So when we look at the optics, for a business, or the optics, in general, we want to make sure we have optics around everything. So the scale is a perfect one. When people are saying, look, I’m gaining weight, and what’s happening to my physical body, or we say when we look at your bank account, we can tell exactly what’s happening with your business and what’s happening in your personal life. We’re seeing that all these things happening outside of people, the things that are happening in their lives, are a reflection of the turmoil, indecisiveness, or whatever else is going on inside them. It has nothing to do with external modalities.
Tim Matthews 3:15
Completely true, completely true. It doesn’t say your body is a prime example of this, isn’t it how you look, how you feel, and if you put on weight on like, body fat. It is a complete reflection of the standards that you have for yourself and how you’re treating yourself because the reality is, you’re not going to be out of shape and overweight. If you are seeing your body and train your body as the miracle that it is, you’re just not going to do I, and I get it that some people may choose to drink at the end of the day when they feel tired as a way to either come down or sit there themselves or whatever. But even those actions, there is still a reflection of what’s going on in there in a world.
Doug Holt 4:07
So true. We look at it, we see some of them, let’s just I think let’s break this down into segment by segment, complaint by complaint. Because they seem to come time and time again together, what we’re seeing are guys that aren’t as in good shape to the kind of let themselves go physically right their body kind of let them by their body go used to be athletic used to be in good shape that now isn’t the guts gotten a little bit bigger. They start buying; first, they refuse to buy bigger pants; the next thing, they start doing it. Then after that, the business starts to slip right the passion for the business starts to go. It’s running okay, but through their hustling or grinding are just surfing the internet. They get to the work, and they’re just clicking the keyboard clicking the mouse, hoping something happens. They get home in areas of their relationships. Right they have a roommate rather than a partner, and they’re distant from their kids. They’re there physically, but not emotionally, and not present. They don’t have a great relationship with their children. Then we look at their bank account, right how much money they have in their bank account. It’s rapidly dwindled, and many times, they’ve encountered debt and other things, even though they have a successful business going through that. So we look at all of those areas, Tim, what we see over and over again, are disillusioned men there are lost, so to speak, they don’t know the next steps, and they kind of have woken up some of them have woken up. Probably the men listening to this podcast are either are waking up or in the process of waking up to the reality of oh, crap, what happened? When this is that inner turmoil, this inner dialogue that’s happened? And it’s like, piece by piece? They’ve let it slip away from them, rather than doing the work necessary to keep things progressing forward?
Tim Matthews 6:02
Why do you think that is?
Doug Holt 6:07
That’s a great question. So I think what happens is, they start getting complacent they’re, they’re successful. They either buy into the hustle mentality, which works for a very short period of time, but then they get burnout the hustle isn’t working. They were promised a bill of goods. If I hustle, work my ass off, then I’ll be a millionaire that I can retire for someday. If I get married to the right woman, then someday I can be happy, and she’ll take care of the kids or whatever it may be. So they start going through the motions because this promise of someday never happens. Right? They’re living for someday, which doesn’t exist. Little by little, they get more and more disillusioned with what they’re supposed to do, then they lose themselves along this path. They lose themselves around. This is what a man is supposed to do. A man is supposed to provide a man is supposed to be this that da da da da da da down the list. They lose a part of their soul hung away with each of these, suppose twos they’re going through, and then they look down one day, or look in the mirror is what happens to a lot of these guys. They don’t recognize the person staring back at them. Right? They were promised in their 20s and 30s that they did these certain things, then they’d be happy someday. But I think that someday doesn’t come, and they finally realize that someday isn’t coming. Then there are two paths. We talked about one disk destination, two paths in The Powerful Man. But they take the path on the left that’s a path where they just give up, screw it, it’s too late. They might go through some hustle, trying to get it back. Usually, that happens after a divorce, and a failed marriage failed business, something like that. Or they take the other path, and they start getting their shit together. Right? They start looking at themselves. What we talked about in another podcast is taking extreme ownership. They go, okay, here’s where I am today; this is not what I want. Let me get some help. Because obviously, what I’m doing is not working. I think that’s the catalyst to making that change.
Tim Matthews 8:19
Okay, so what’s going on in the inner world then. So if we’ve got out of the ship on the outer world, we’ve then got losing passion for the business. As a result, the business starts to die if producing revenue and staff are still there. But it’s in a slow decline because there’s no real leadership there. There’s no passion for it in either relationship. Usually, there’s either divorce has happened, or the relationship is struggling, the sex life isn’t there’s a lot of arguments or disconnect. So what is going on in the inner world to create this outer world?
Doug Holt 9:04
Well, what’s going on for these men is a feeling of disillusionment. That’s not the word they would use in this case. They’re frustrated, and they’re overwhelmed. They’re just tired., tired is the word that I would use the most when we talk to these guys. They’re just tired hands in the air. I just don’t we hear often is I don’t know what to do. Right? I’ve done all those things I’m supposed to do. I just don’t know what to do. I thought I would be further ahead than I am now. So they’re having this inner dialogue. What’s happening inside them is they’re beating the crap out of themselves. Right? I’m too fat. I’m lazy. I’m not good enough., my hair is this my body is that I should be making more money. Tim’s going on vacation. Why can’t I, Doug’s, Doug’s got it, six-figure adventure van or whatever. I want one. I want to try over the world as those guys do, or whatever, it’s comparison. They’re not as far ahead as they thought they would be. They thought money would make them happy, right in their 20s and 30s, early 30s, they thought, if I chase money, if I have just enough, another 510 grand a month, then I’ll be set, then I can pull back, pump the brakes, and cruise. They have this inner dialogue going on, Tim. They’ve gotten to that point where they’ve either made that that extra 510 grand a month additional. They realize that money doesn’t make them any happier. They realize that they feel just tired. They look up and the people around them who they’ve been pushing away with all their hustle. They’re not there, and they don’t know them because they haven’t been present. So they don’t even know themselves. So some of these men internally have just given up. I think giving up and being tired are two things that are going on internally, the most and the negative self-talk. Hey, guys, I want to interrupt this episode because I want to talk to you about something important. We put together a case study on how almost 300 men have taken control of their lives and their 4x business revenues. They’re having more connected intimate sex, all without sacrificing the relationships or health by using The Activation Method. Now a lot of you have contacted us, and they want to know how they’re doing it. We put together this short 11-minute case study just for you. So you can see how these entrepreneurs are achieving this level of success. To get this case study, all you have to do is go over to ThePowerfulMan.com/bonus, yep, that’s one, one. You can get the case study right now. All right, it’s only 11 minutes, and it’s going to show you exactly how these men have done it. Alright, let’s get back to the episode.
Tim Matthews 11:59
Yeah, I agree. I’d say you hit the nail on the head, then I think, too many of the big beliefs that the guys have been driven by unknowingly as well is the money is the answer. When I achieve a million pounds, that is when everything will fall into place. That’s when I’ll get the love from a wife that I, I deserve. When I look like the man, that’s when I’ll get the respect that’s when so on and so forth. I think that one’s a big one. Also, I see a lot personally because they’ve taken a lot of pride in being busy. It’s almost like, being busy is a marker of venus. Excuse me, wow. Being busy is a marker of being a successful man. So, as a result, they then make themselves very accessible. They try and be everything to everyone. They thrive; they tell themselves that they thrive under pressure. That it’s almost like having an easy life is a weakness. Yeah, having an easy life is a very thing that is the sign of the most success, in my opinion, because it means you’ve got your systems dialed in, your leadership dialed in. You value your own time and energy so much that you’re going to give yourself the space to enjoy life instead of life just been about work. So, I’d say those two as well, that are the main beliefs that have driven these men to hustle so hard then, and think that that would be the answer.
Doug Holt 13:34
Oh, it’s so true. Tim and, and what these guys don’t realize is, it’s not their fault. It’s not their fault society has told them and maybe their parents, their family, and, they were told that they should hustle, you should make money. This will make you happier, and this will earn you respect. The truth is they were lied to. Marketing agencies sold them a bag of goods, and I own as, I own a marketing firm, but that’s how they sell you stuff. That’s how you sell your crap. Unfortunately, that leads to unfulfillment. So it’s not their fault that they’re in this state at all; they followed what they were told to do what they were supposed to do. Unfortunately, they were sold a bill of goods that just doesn’t make it worthwhile. Their insides feel almost like the way I would describe it. Tim is almost like an apple, and it gets old that rots from the inside. That’s what that’s what’s happening to these men emotionally.
Tim Matthews 14:31
The scariest thing about this is the generation coming up beneath us, our kids, all the young generation right now. They’re the ones even getting worse for those we social media, and the feeling of how people are marketed so and how society is governed today creates a culture of if you don’t look like a certain way if you don’t fit into a certain box, if you don’t have certain things, then you’re not good enough. As a result, the younger generation that is coming through you see all the time, and it fascinates me I’ll be somewhere, let’s say I remember this one time, amelia and I outside. At the same time, we’re in Paris just stood in front of the Eiffel tower, these amazing gardens there. We were just watching this, these two young people, two young girls, and it must have taken them about 15 minutes to take a selfie. Seriously this isn’t anything against them, but it reflects the need for everything to look a certain way to have a certain persona. So, as a result, I will look a certain way to my friends and society. I like to think that the work that we’re doing and other companies are doing to help break that cycle and help the men realize that realize the lies have been told. The false beliefs I’ve been living by and, and break that chain and be able to still have, will have even more success than they thought was possible because success on that path is all-encompassing. So, although there are many companies out there doing some great work to break these chains of society, it’s scary how deeply rooted they are, as well.
Doug Holt 16:30
Oh, absolutely. It’s funny, and you say that because my wife and I were running on the beach yesterday. There were a group of girls. I don’t know how old they were. I’m 42. So what girls in their 20s look like teenagers to me, but they were posing for selfies, and they must have taken? We were laughing because they must have done 20 different poses. It wasn’t a selfie was another girl taking the picture, but 20 different poses. By the time we ran by their bikinis and different sexual poses, not sexual, but looking sexy., leaning on each other and things like that, to impress. I think what’s happened to him for a lot of men is we’ve done this right. I’ll say we as men as a generality, but we’ve done this to impress, hey, look, the guy who makes the most money. That’s the guy who’s winning, and we get asked this at The Alpha Reset. I get asked almost every alpha reset. Tim, I get asked by one of the guys what are my businesses? Right? And how much money do I make? Somebody asked me in one way or another that it’s kind of like the business owner’s version of the bench press in the gym. It’s just a comparison. They’re trying to compare themselves to see if they’re good enough, where on the ladder, do they fall. Now at the end of The Alpha Reset, no one gives a shit, no one cares about that, because I realized that doesn’t matter to them.
It takes a process for them to get there. But they’ve been sold this bill of goods, right this, this idea of someday, you work your heart, right you got to grind out all day, all night.
If you do that, after ten years, 20 years, then you’ll get everything you want, and you’ll be happy, and you can live happily ever after. But the truth is, is you’re burning yourself out, you look up, no one’s around you, or they’re shut. They’re shallow relationships. If anything, the friends you have that you call every once in a while aren’t friends you want to be around. You’re more of a roommate or a guest in your own home with your kids, your wife, your significant other., you don’t want to go to the gym per se. You feel like crap, and your body’s tight because you haven’t been working out or exercising, or taking care of yourself in a great way. You haven’t made all the money. Maybe you’ve made money, but you’ve spent it to make yourself feel better. So you’re left without a ton of cash, or if you do have cash, or you are in shape, whatever, you’re missing some of these areas, and they feel alone, they’re beating the crap out of themselves and have no one to talk to. Because what’s being sold to them over and over again, by society is you got to work hard once you get the car, the boat that the guest house you travel, you get all these things, the nice clothes, then you’ll be happy, then people will respect you, then you’ll be loved. You and I both know that’s not the way it works. Unfortunately, a lot of men have fallen into this trap. Heck, I fell into this trap—Tim in my early 20s. I was just lucky enough to have mentors around me who happened to be very wealthy, and many weren’t happy. I kind of picked up on them and somewhere. But I learned this at a relatively young age as a business owner, I was a young business owner, but you look around, it’s easy to fall into it. Right?, you and I are going to Morocco with a bunch of guys and a bunch of men and, it’s just it’s one of those things where you’re like, okay, we’re going to morocco. Then you start thinking about the things that you should be doing should have, should, should, should, and it becomes a land of comparison unless you pull yourself out of it pretty quickly.
Tim Matthews 20:13
And even when the guys do make money, and, they’ve been sold those bill of goods, like you said even when the guys are in sheer, like ridiculous share, as we know, some of them are, and even when they have made money, and they’ve kept hold of it. As again, we know a lot of men that have this; it’s almost a disease that has worked its way into society and definitely into men. Even despite the successes of money, and whatever it is, they haven’t held on to. So it still never feels enough, does it ever? That’s what they always say that you just feel like a fraud. They don’t know how to donate; it’s just been locked. I’m worried about the real game pulled from underneath my feet at any moment. There’s still this same energy of fear, and unworthiness and unhappiness, happiness, and isolation, regardless of their outside world looking like whatever it looks like. Also, another side note, they sit the piles on the pressure, and the pen is that everybody else in their environment looks like they’ve got it all. They look like they’ve made the business, the home, the holidays, wife, the cars, the kids, the private schools, the country club, the, going on and on. This adds to the men’s misery because they never feel guilty and ashamed because they feel like they’re not grateful for what they’ve gotten; they should be enjoying it. But it’s just not possible to enjoy it if you don’t enjoy him be if you don’t enjoy being who you are.
Doug Holt 22:04
So true. I mean, and that’s what it comes down to is your identity, and many men haven’t looked at their identity since they were kids. How ridiculous. We talked about this. Listen, guys, if you’re listening to this, you’re probably listening to us on a smartphone. You’ll hear me say this a lot if you’ve probably updated the software or your apps on your smartphone, yet you haven’t taken time to update the software in your brain in your soul. That’s what The Activation Method is designed to do. I’m not saying that go do something goes take time. You don’t have to go through The Activation Method. It’s a very strict application process. So I want to make sure everybody has access to this technology. But you need to update your mindset and what’s going on in your head; you need to do what you need to do today. Right? You update your apps, you update your phone, you update your computer. When’s the last time you updated your view of yourself and what your priorities are. So that way that your someday can happen now for you. I think that’s the key.
Tim Matthews 23:09
Yeah, so true.
Doug Holt 23:11
Tim, any parting words for the men today?
Tim Matthews 23:14
You are enough. You are loved. Do you have always been enough, and you will always be good enough, and regardless of what it is, you achieve or do not achieve.
Doug Holt 23:28
So true, so true. Well, then that wraps it up for us another episode of The Powerful Man show. Guys. We will see you next time and have a great week.
