Episode #591
Do you want to know the 2 reasons why men are joining the brotherhood?
Well, it starts by answering the question ‘What’s holding you back from doing what you love?’
Don’t waste your time waiting for someday because it may never come, it’s time to create a better version of yourself to fulfill your life goals.
In this episode, we talk about why you should not live for someday and what to do to upgrade your 5 territories so you can live your best life today.
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Transcription
Doug Holt: Guys, welcome back to another episode of The Powerful Man show. Tim The Powerful Man Matthews, how are you doing, sir?
Tim Matthews I am doing very well, sir. As you know, I leave for Dubai, I’m flying in the morning. I got to the hotel this evening. My dad’s shared some bucket list things of his with me maybe a year or so ago. I don’t know what it was, but I just had the compulsion to help him tick off as many of those bucket list things as possible. One of the things on that list is the Formula One in Abu Dhabi.
I was watching with him a few years ago, and he said, Oh my god, I’d love to go there. Bucket List. I thought you know what, one day, I’ll take you there. Because he’s too tight. He could go on his own. He could even pay for us to go, but he’s never going to do it, he’s never going to treat himself. So anyway, I thought I should seize the initiative. So yeah, that’ll be fun. We’re going there tomorrow.
And Amelia’s brother is coming along. It’s his 40th birthday as well. So Amelia wanted to ask if he could come. So it’s going to be quite an interesting crew. These are not three people, myself, Amelia’s brother, my dad, that usually get together, let alone go away for seven days together. So we’ve got a little Whatsapp group. And there’s some pictures going in it right now. One’s just come through.
It’s funny. It’s gonna be one of those weird times that you’ll look back on in years to come and you just laugh at the weirdness of it. It’ll be interesting. So yeah, I’m good. How are you?
Doug Holt: I want to know what kind of pictures you’re getting over there. That’s what I want to know.
Tim Matthews: Well, I can see it going off right now. Amelia’s brother Jim and my dad, they’re texting each other because they’re at the hotel now. So they just arrived. So they’re just messaging each other to arrange to meet.
Doug Holt: And for those that don’t know, Amelia is your partner. I think a lot of people probably get surprised because they just don’t know that. Tim and I joke about that all the time. That’s awesome, man. I mean, fulfilling somebody else’s dreams and goals, that’s got to be a really rewarding thing for you as well.
Tim Matthews: Yeah, we went to the Six Nations Rugby earlier in the year. He said that was one of his things. He sat there in the seat, asking me the rules of the game. So I don’t know if it was one of his things. But either way, we’re walking through the street towards the stadium, and there’s these young girls giving out face paints, because Wales were playing France. So they were given out face paints. I was like, come on, dad sit down. We got our faces painted and got a selfie of it.
And so yeah, super fulfilling. When I flick through my pictures for the year gone by, and that one comes up, it just lands, you know, that little touch of warmth that you get just from making somebody’s day. So yeah, it’s great. The past few years, 5-6 years, I’ve really had a relationship with my dad. I’ve never really had one, in my opinion, not in the way I wanted to, prior to that. So it’s cool.
Doug Holt: Yeah, well, we get to share some of those stories of the Alpha Resets. You know, it’s not the topic I was going to bring to the table today, but I think it’s a really good one to talk about. Because you and I can almost get jaded at times. We spend our days helping people, essentially. The men that come to us, they’re all business owners, we work with business owners and executives. We do that for a very specific reason, which we’ve touched on in other podcasts.
But a lot of the men come for two reasons, mainly. One is, their marriage isn’t working the way that they want to. For some guys it is just good, and just good isn’t good enough. For other guys, they are on the brink of divorce. And we help them bring it back to the way that they want it to be. And we’re very good at that. We have a program called The Activation Method, which is a methodology that works, it just works.
And the other thing that guys come to us with is when they’re just stuck, and not sure what else to do in life. And you know, they’re at the top of the tree. They’re at the top of their food chain, their industry or their business. And they’re not looking just for business coaching, which is what we started doing originally. We realized all of these guys have some of the same issues here, outside of the business too, and we have to solve those before we get into the business.
But they’re stuck. They’re unclear on what to do next, and are looking for a trusted advisor. And we hold up a mirror to them so they can find their own answers for themselves. I know some people are going well, geez, that doesn’t sound like coaching or what have you, but it really is. That’s what coaching is. It’s really holding up a mirror, asking the right questions, and letting people figure it out for themselves. You just guide them on that journey.
And the reason I bring all that up is, you and I get to see people fulfill their dreams. It’s extremely common that a man graduates the activation method, and all of a sudden, they start doing things that they’ve always wanted to do. Their marriage is a 10 out of 10 as an example. And so, now they’re like, hey, I want to travel, or I want to do an Ironman, or I want to go to this concert. my favorite band, I haven’t seen them in 10 years.
And guys will start doing these types of things, and you and I get to be a part of them. And it’s really cool to see you doing that with your father as well, and potentially your future brother-in-law. We’ll call him your brother-in-law. And you’re living that now. I think a lot of us, and probably the men listening to his guys- if you’re listening to this, let me know if you, like me, have this experience.
A lot of us are waiting for the right time. We’re waiting for the economy to be good, we’re waiting for time in our schedule. When marketing gets fixed, then I’ll be able to take time off to go on vacation with my family. When sales get up, then I’ll be able to do these things. Or, you know, in my 40s, or in my 50s I can retire, take my foot off the gas, etc. I’ve told this story countless times to myself.
We don’t lie to anybody more than ourselves. And I’m certainly not perfect. So, it’s really cool to see you doing this with your family. And I’m curious how many of you guys listening to this right now are resonating with Tim’s story the way I am? Now not resonating with your story in a positive way, in the sense that I do what you do. I’m resonating with more of like, shit, I should be, and I get to do more of those things with the people that I love, rather than waiting for the right time.
Tim Matthews: Yeah. And you know, I have to give a big thanks to the men in the movement. Because to your point, when we see them living their life, doing these things that they’ve always wanted to do, go to concerts, go on trips, learn to fly, do a bodybuilding competition.
Doug Holt: So many guys have learned to fly recently in The Powerful Man. Isn’t it crazy, how many guys have taken up flying?
Tim Matthews: And you know what? To build tree houses for the kids, all sorts of things they’ve always wanted to do. It is inspiring, it inspires me. And it’s a virtuous cycle, because then you and I do things, and that then inspires them. And I’m very, very grateful for the men in the movement. And to your point, I think a key distinction for them, they’re not waiting for the marriage to be a 10 out of 10.
For a lot of guys that come out of The Activation Method, the marriage is up there. But the key thing for them is, they’ve broken the codependency of either waiting for the wife to approve before they do something for themselves, or waiting for the relationship to be fixed, or waiting for the business to be a certain way. It’s all have-do-be. When I have the business a certain way, that’s when I’ll take time off, and that’s when I’ll then be happy, or whatever it may be.
It’s outside in. That’s what the guys learn through The Activation Method. They go to the inside out, which is be-do-have. We talk about managing your energy versus your time, and getting your Alpha Rise and Shine in place, your routines and your rhythms set up in your life so that your cup is overflowing, and the overflow is spilling into the people around you. And that’s when people get the best of you instead of the rest of you.
And part of that is doing these things that are so easy not to do. So easy to just not take my dad to the formula. It’s so easy to go next year, or the year after, or the year after. So many reasons why it shouldn’t be done. Because, naturally, I’m just like anybody else. I was speaking to you either last night or this morning, this trip is not coming at a good time. You know, there’s things we’re doing TPM, getting some things into momentum that requires some consistency, you know, an ideal world, just keep doing those things, and so on.
And it happens every time. Whether it’s a trip with Amelia, a trip on my own, a trip with family. The point is, it always seems to be there. It always seems to be that way. So, if I have an expectation on myself that I’m only going to take the trip when the conditions are just right, everything’s just so settled and stable, and you know, the space, and it’s comfortable, I’ll never go. I’ll never go, To the guy’s points, I’ll never learn to fly. I’ll never do the bodybuilding competition, I’ll never take that trip through South America. Whatever it may be. Waiting for some day, versus seizing the day.
Doug Holt: It’s a very good point. When you look at it, it is so easy for me as a serial entrepreneur, I know for myself at least, to get into that mindset of okay, you know, once I crush this part of the business and get the system set up… When I was working on building out one of our programs, we call the Brotherhood, you know, just building it out to make it bigger, better, what have you- And I remember myself sitting there and going, okay, once I get this done, then I can take my foot off the gas, and then I’m going to do something different, right?
What I was planning on doing is, I was gonna take the winter kind of off and just really ski, snowboard and just enjoy the winter with the family. And then of course, something else came up as you know, which dragged me down a rabbit hole I had to go through. And at the time, you just don’t see it. I gave up my morning routines. I was coaching people to do it, but I gave up my morning routines, and other things.
And a lot of times, you know, as men, we put ourselves last, and it’s easy to fall back into that trap. A lot of our guys can do it. One of the most common things we see, which makes me feel even stupider when I do it, is, when men leave one of our programs, they’ll often come back, not of need, or necessity, but they’ll come back because they’re looking to continuously grow. And the ones that have kind of backslid, so to speak, is because they’ve stopped doing the basics.
They’ve stopped the morning routine, the decompression. And part of it is just being in the conversation You and I are in the conversation right now. You, listening to this, you’re in the conversation of betterment, which allows you to be better. So, what I guess I asked myself in this conversation is, where am I holding back? What do I get to do to be able to take a trip, like you’re doing, to Dubai?
And it’s not out of a place of jealousy, or trying to compete with you. It’s just, how can I do the things that I’m doing in the business, do the things I’m doing in coaching, which I love, and, also, am Iwaiting somewhere to do something? Is that an issue?
Tim Matthews: That’s a great question to ask as well. In my opinion, you definitely do your best work, you’re definitely the happiest when you have space away from your laptop. Your best ideas come from that place. Your best mood comes from that place, your best delegation, your highest levels of productivity. I mean, what’s one of the memories you often talk about? You often talk about that drive you took to Alaska.
But the point is, you did that thing for yourself, and look how often you talk of that, and how fond it is. It sits very dearly in your heart. And at the end of the day, in my opinion, your life isn’t to serve the business, the business is there to serve your life. Now, obviously, we have a movement. It’s a little bit different to us in a lot of respects, because we just love what we do, and it’s not so much what we do, it’s who we are.
And that’s the struggle for you and I, because it’s who we are. It’s not that we are entrepreneurs per se, but the type of work that we do with the men, the way in which we get to coach them, the field of play that we get to play on TPM, and what we do, man, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I wouldn’t want to be in any other business. At the same time, we get to figure out how to balance that.
I say figure out, it gets to be in the conversation to remind ourselves, because something that you and I do, Doug, is we’re very big on creating the culture within TPM where everybody wins, the team win, so they get to live their ‘fuck yes’ life. Part of that is making a big impact in the movement. The men get to win, so they get fantastic service and results. The movement gets to win. So, it has health, and the ability to continue to grow and help more people.
And then, also, the world wins. There’s more amazing people out there in the world. And to your point, I think it can be easy for you and I to put ourselves on the backburner in that scenario, and take care of everybody, and create a scenario where we’re very much inspiring the team to make sure they’re happy, and they’re inspired, and they’re, they’re doing that for themselves. Because it means so much to us, and so do the men.
And we know that when they’re doing that, the men also get the best possible service, and the men then get the results. And that’s a big part of why we do what we do. And it’s very important that you and I continue to be in the conversation and do our best to insert those pockets of time. I think the great thing about- it’s one of the benefits of the partnership, right? In theory, one of you is able to take time away and the other one can step in. I think we could potentially leverage that more frequently.
Doug Holt: Well,there we go, guys, I will be taking the month of… No, it’s so true. Obviously, we joke around about it a lot. I was just talking to my wife last night, we were gonna go with another family away this past weekend. And it didn’t work out. I got really sick, and it turns out the other family ended up getting sick too. So we didn’t do it. So last night I turned to my wife and said, hey, let’s plan another weekend away. There’s a place up here, a lake.
When it snows a lot, the roads close down. Because we’re in the mountains where I live, just outside of Bend, Oregon. And there’s a lodge that’s up there, and you have to take a snowcat. Think of a SUV with tank tracks, whatever. And you take that to the lodge. And so I was like, let’s book that, let’s do that thing to go up there. Snowmobiles or sleds, or whatever, and we’ll take the kids and we’ll go through it.
And it’s easy for all of us, not just myself, to get stuck in this ‘some day’ mentality. And so what I’m gonna encourage myself to do publicly, but also you guys listening, is to take those ‘some days’ and do them today. Just like Tim is doing with his father and brother-in-law, he’s taking the ‘some days’ and future casting it to today, bringing it forward, condensing time. And whether it be in your marriage- if your marriage isn’t working, stop waiting for some day for it to be better and take action today. Whether it’s your business…
But really, it’s the areas that we see for men that are successful, it’s two areas. It’s self. We do five territories at The Powerful Man: self, health, wealth, relationships and business. The two areas you want to double down on are yourself and your relationships. Those are the areas. So where are your ‘some days’ and self in relationships? And I’m going to challenge you guys within this next week, to take one massive action step towards those goals.
And I’ll put my money where my mouth is, so to speak, I will do the same thing, and I’ll share it with you guys in a future podcast. And I want to hear about what you guys are doing because it inspires me, inspires me to do more, be more, when I see all the great stuff that you guys are up to. And frankly, sometimes I just want some ideas. I want some great ideas of what’s going on. I’m not gonna get my pilot’s license today. But for the rest of you guys that are out there, I love seeing what you’re doing, and how you’re doing it. And, you know, sometimes I want to get involved so maybe I’ll jump on with you.
Tim Matthews: One final thing to add. Just be mindful when you’re caught in a trap of sprinting towards the finish line that doesn’t exist. I think, in business, it’s so easy to sprint. Okay, when I get to this point, though, that’s when I’ll do X. But the journey is the destination. The finish line – there isn’t one. And I don’t think you want there to be one either, It’s the nature of the beast. it’s who you are. It’s who we are. We’re competitive, we love to grow, we love to improve.
It’s always gonna be the case. it’s kinda like the tortoise and the hare, right? Slow and steady wins the race. It’s much better to be consistent over a long period of time, than be sprinting towards the finish line that doesn’t exist and forever be getting burnt out, and ill, and so on. Because again, it’s not where anyone’s best work comes from. And more importantly, it’s not where people can live their best life from either.
For me, I’d much rather have a slower-paced journey and enjoy the ride, and take it all in, than sprint so fast that the wheels fall off to arrive at finish line a little bit faster, or sooner rather, but to just be beaten, battered, bruised, burnt out, unable to even stand on the finish line, but rather come in maybe third place, with a smile on my face, having to compete with myself, and push myself in training, and got better for myself.
I’m in competition with myself and improved- by no means am I saying to sell, by no means am I saying any of those things. I’m just reminding all of us, myself included, the journey is the destination. If I fall into the trap of sprinting towards a finish line that doesn’t exist, I’m forever going to be sprinting, and that isn’t sustainable, nor is it the happiest place, the or the most optimal place to come from.
Doug Holt: So very true. Gentlemen, as we always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. And guys, I want to know what you’re doing. And like I said, I’m gonna put my money where my mouth is, and I will post and share some of the things that I’ve committed to doing. By the end of next week, the next couple podcasts from now, you guys will hear whether you want to or not. So guys, have a great week, and we’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man show.
