Breaking Generational Patterns

Episode #329

Also, listen on:

iTunes
Sticher
Spotify
YouTube

————-

Episode Transcript

Tim Matthews  0:00  

His father’s my grandfather, and he said, when you did something terrible, what would happen if he’d make you stand there with your arms out and put two boots on your arms. And if your arms dropped, you’d then get hit with the belt. And I was like, that’s like torture. He is like, Yeah, but we were disciplined. Like, it was different ways to create discipline, but the lack of openness experienced between him and his father, he then passed on to our relationship.

Doug Holt  0:28  

Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man. So I am your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host, Tim, “The Powerful Man” Matthews. How are you doing, brother?

Tim Matthews  0:42  

Yeah, I’m doing well, well, well, well. I was feeling nice and light.

Doug Holt  0:48  

You look nice and light. But we had an interesting conversation that wasn’t as light before I hit record, but also kind of funny. We have bantered back and forth. You know, someone told me, Tim, that they found it funny and enjoyable. Because they know they can tell it. You and I are talking trash back and forth before we hit record. Because we’re laughing before we go, we do talk a lot of trash just like you would with any of your friends, right, guys. That’s when you’re working with somebody doing something that you love helping people worldwide, and it’s easy to have a good time and little trash talking. Does it hurt every once in a while?

Tim Matthews  1:24  

Yeah, it’s, it’s nice. You got to be able to give it and take it on our team. So there’s no getting away from it.

Doug Holt  1:31  

There’s none. I mean, we have. So we have several women that work for the movement, and they’re just invested in it. And they talk just as much trash, right? It’s really hard. Yeah, it’s a family, a family affair, and a family feels. And it’s funny when you look at guys, your core values are, and you go through all these kinds of rudimentary exercises you do in business. And you look around at all the people on the screen, and you look at the commonalities, you know, everybody in our team, growth-oriented, was off the charts. Having each other’s back integrity was off the charts as far as ratings go, but also having fun and, you know, kind of talking trash, but doing so in a manner that is loving, right? So when you talk trash, but you also know the other person has your back. And best interest in mind at heart. It just makes it much more enjoyable because nobody gets triggered by something that is said. It just becomes like

Tim Matthews  2:25  

Okay, I permit you to be a bit of a dick.

Doug Holt  2:30  

I think that’s exactly what you said at the meeting was okay. What I’m hearing you guys say is I could be more of a jerk. You said dick.

Tim Matthews  2:38  

Yeah

Doug Holt  2:39  

I think I said, and I don’t know if that’s possible. 

Tim Matthews  2:40  

So here’s something I want to hear your opinion about? What patterns? Have you worked on generational patterns that you’ve seen that you will maybe witness grown up, right? Do you point out and like, right, I want to change those for a body of aspirin? You know, maybe you are still in the process of discovering some of those and changing them. I’m guessing you might have had a few in mind before having kits. Yep. What were they?

Doug Holt  3:18  

Well, yeah, so I’ve thought long and hard about this, in fact, so much so that as soon as I knew I was having a son, which is my first child, I decided to book a trip down to the Amazon rainforest, and do plant ceremonies with Iowa Casca and other plants. And the goal of me doing that was simply to discover or remove unconscious patterns. I didn’t know I had. And I did it because I felt that I’m bringing this child into the world. There’s a little bit of an oh-shit responsibility moment. But I also knew I didn’t know what I didn’t know, which is so cliche, right? You don’t know what you don’t know. But I knew that we all know that. And so I decided to eat my cooking, which takes massive action. Right? Massive action. I don’t know what this is going to be. I’m a little scared. It’s Colombia, by the way. So it’s the northern part of the Amazon. Most people I didn’t know at the time, Amazon goes into Colombia. So I flew down to Colombia to do this exploration into myself and to help out Bodie. So I share that all with you to let you know that I’ve been in this thought process. Some of the familial patterns, generational patterns, what you said that I have consciously worked on breaking one is sarcasm, right in my household sarcasm, and how do you think that’s going? Well, and I’ll tell you how it’s gone. Our chasm was the common language, right? I grew up in a house. My brothers are seven and ten years older than me and are both very accomplished athletes. So sports We’re big in my house playing competition. Everything was a competition going up the stairs was a race every day, going down the stairs was a race every day getting food, right not getting your food stolen, everything was a joke, and was competitive and was picked apart. And so, what I learned early on is that not everybody does that. Now it was hard to break. My wife talked to me about it. Yeah, sarcasm is amazing. It’s when it’s mean sarcasm. That’s where the issue is. We’re sarcastic to be a dick. Essentially. I did. Honestly, I didn’t realize the difference. You know, I thought it was funny. It was funny to me. You know, most of the time, I was just sarcastic. But there was a biting sarcasm in my family, which I didn’t see, and not everybody in my family. By the way, I don’t want to single people out or throw people under the bus because some of my family listens to this show. And not that they would be surprised by any of this. But there’s a biting sarcasm that is an asshole. Right? It’s really what it is. It’d be like me making a sarcastic, you know, joke. Like a common one of my family might be Hey, Tim, nice haircut, do they do men’s hair Where you go? That’s kind of funny. Joking. But then when it goes deeper down, if I started attacking something that’s done. So I had a jerk level, right? It goes so that’s one that I’ve worked diligently for, for my kids for Bodhi for Aspen, my daughter, as well as for my marriage and my friendship and me. Okay.

Tim Matthews  6:45  

I’m curious if you ever had any conversations with your father about his upbringing or what he experienced as a kid. Asking here is, you know, where they came from? Like, I’m guessing you witnessed your dad doing this? I’m guessing now. Did you guys just come up with it yourself?

Doug Holt  7:11  

No, no, no, my dad died. I mean, I could just go over things that there’s a list of things that I’ve wanted to change that my dads do, my brothers to different degrees. They’re both very different men. One of my other brothers worked hard at breaking this too, and my third brother, my second brother, I should say, my second brother, doesn’t do this. He does the joking well and is also working on getting rid of the biting sarcasm. That my father regularly does. Right. And it’s kind of known for not being great. So yeah, and yes, I have had conversations with my father on his upbringing, my dad’s one that doesn’t talk much about it. And you know, my dad grew up on a farm in Ohio, which is, for those who are in the US, it’s the central part of the United States, you know, lots of farms, you know, some hills, trees, etc. So we grew up wanting to get out of that area as soon as possible and became a very accomplished executive for Eastman Kodak and moved on to other companies. So that was one, and he was raised with some of that. I think some of that was also developed. There’s others I mean, man, there’s loads of things that I’ve wanted to develop. One is sharing more, right? My dad comes from that generation where you just don’t talk about things. You don’t talk about money. You don’t talk about your problems. You ask people, my dad’s extremely loving. He wants to know everything that’s going on and everybody else’s life, and then he wants to fix it if you can. They don’t like sharing anything about him. Right? So, as an example, my dad gets cancer, it’s okay. Yeah, you might find out about it, maybe. And he is not going to share much about it, period, with you. And so it’s hard to have a connection with somebody who’s not, you know, yeah, acting back, as you can relate. So that’s something I’m working on with my son and my daughter in developing that, but my kids are young. So really, it’s about being present for me right now.

Tim Matthews  9:14  

I think what’s great as far as you said, something that was interesting, you know, that that piece about sharing and I get it because as you know, I was in Leeds at the weekend, visiting friends and family can do it because traveled for work offices in Leeds, just you know, just saying, and it was listening. And yeah, it was great to see my friends and family. And it was also very interesting at the same time, because living where we live and setting up our own home as you know, you can really make it what you want it to be right and then been in the kind of conversations that we’re in every day, be it with you or us or the team or the men think go back to Leeds and be put back in that environment. In particular, how the home environment where my sister lives at home with mom and dad, I could see the dysfunction. And I know some of them to listen to this show. And I don’t negatively mean this. It’s just really an observation that creates distance between us. And part of it is because my sister competes with me. She then competes with me and then doesn’t want to share what she has going on because she feels inferior, right? And not afraid to feel that way, in my opinion, anyway. And then it makes it difficult to connect because she doesn’t want to ask me what I’ve got going on. If she does, she tries to make it about her. And then if I try to ask her about what she’s got going on, she won’t want to answer because she’s comparing. So the point I’m making here is when there’s no sharing, there’s no connection. Yeah, the same with my dad to a large degree. You know, he doesn’t share our sorrow at the dinner table on Friday evening. And ask him now, what was your upbringing? Like, you know, how, how are you disciplined? And he said that his father, so my grandfather, used to make them when they’ve done something bad. But that’s even a loose relative term, right? What defines bad. And he said, when you did something bad, what would happen if he’d make you stand there with your arms out and put two boots on your arms. And if your arms dropped, you then got hit with the belt. And I’m like, that’s like torture. It’s like, Yeah, but we were disciplined. I’m like, Yeah, but there are different ways to create discipline. I mean, how did you then relate to him and open up? The point I’m making is he’d repeat the generational part, in many respects, with me didn’t even make me stand on my arms out with boots on them. But the lack of openness that was experienced between him and his father, he then passed on to our relationship for a long time. You know, we’ve done a lot of work on this together. But there was a long time where the wall I wouldn’t say was a relationship because he wasn’t willing to open and Shay wouldn’t ask me about my dad asking me little things about my life. But he had so much darkness within his life that it wasn’t willing to share about that then blocked him from really connecting, at least with me. So coming back to you, Doug, when you talk about, you know, sharing pieces, something I’ve worked on, I think there’s a lot of guys that are listening that I imagine can probably relate to holding back and not wanting to share and maybe wanting to put on a certain demeanor as a father. So they’re not sharing certain things. So I’m going to be curious about how do you share and what do I know about that buddy’s young, but how do you share body and muscle because Aspen’s even younger? And how do you think that might evolve as he grows up? What’s your plan there? 

Doug Holt  13:14  

Yeah, I think it’s it. It’s important to state that I’ve had the advantage of coaching in one way or another for over 20 years, right. And I share that only because I can be in the conversation of being very conscious and intentional. I think a lot of men aren’t in that conversation a lot. So, therefore, the idea of being a conscious father sounds like Froot Loops, right? Sounds crazy. But it’s something that I’ve been lucky enough to be in. And I’ve sought out other fathers who I thought to do a great job, my brother, right, both of my brothers, for that matter, are amazing fathers. I look to him as a role model and his way of looking. And also what I’ve taught him is never to judge another man. Like never my father included. Right? I don’t know what that upbringing was. You don’t know why your grandfather did the boots, you know, or what have you. And what was really what was torture now probably wasn’t torture then. Right and commonly thought there. So it’s hard to judge from the lens of today. Yesterday, if I look at it, but how do I move again, guys, for those listening? My son’s turning four here. So those conversations aren’t deep by any means, right? My son’s at that stage where he asks why for everything in any father that’s got kids older than four knows exactly what I’m talking about. It’s like, why, okay, why would you put on boots? Well, why on the arms? Well, what would happen? Why would you get the belt? What kind of belt? You know, it’s like it’s those. So I share things with them. Now my plan moving forward with my son is to share. I want to see everything because I don’t know if I plan on sharing everything with him per se as he gets older. When he gets older, I have no problem. I’m transparent, as you know, Tim, but I have no. I plan on deliberately sharing financial information with him. And finances. And my dad didn’t share that with me. Now, hindsight being 2020, my dad was going through a divorce with my mom, right? I’m a kid, I’m telling everything, my mom, I’m telling everything my mom says to my dad, and I just think everything’s amazing. And they’re going to get back together, right? So, you know, I’m four or five. So I understand why my dad never talked about those things. Right. But that was also successful in his own right. So there’s also the idea that if you share financial information with people, they get jealous. You and I have had this conversation. So when it comes to sex, right? I plan on sharing things. Do I plan on sharing what he and his mom and I are doing? Excuse me, what his mom and I are doing? Probably not, right? That’s not his business. There are certain things that I don’t need to go into depth with him. And unless he has questions, which I don’t see him asking, you know, what’s the swing above the bed for dad, or anything like that?

Tim Matthews  16:14  

Don’t just walk in one night and catch him using his girlfriend. 

Doug Holt  16:17  

And so you know, I guess I guess, coming full circle. It’s a hard question for me to answer. But my anticipation, like the conversation about sex, is to have that early on. Right? I already talked to them about what the difference is between boys and girls in a penis, what it means, you know, the guy’s always grabbing his penis, right? He’s a little kid. And we talk about it, right? Matt’s like, Hey, man. Yeah, it feels good. I get it sometimes. But here’s what we do. Here’s what we choose not to do. Why Dad? Society’s rules, what societies we talk about, those kinds of conversations and conventions truthfully make me question things. Like, why the heck don’t we do? Why can’t we walk outside and just MP? Right? or whatever? I mean, I have property, so I can, but you get all the time by saying, Well, you can’t do that at the park. You can’t do that if it’s you know, over other places, or friends houses, why isn’t that acceptable? And so you have a deeper level of conversation that makes you question things, as a father, as a man, as a human. Coming back to the original question, right of the familial bonds you want to break? Well, one of them is my family, again, going back to a farm was very much, you know, delineated on what a father didn’t do—the father steps in disciplines, which I do, the father steps in at certain times. But I also make sure that I’m very involved in all aspects of my son’s life. I’ve deliberately chosen business decisions based on my lifestyle. Rather than just money, I have turned down considerable amounts of money. I’ve got rid of two companies, as you know, that I had just so I could maintain the lifestyle to be there for my son to go swimming lessons occasionally, too. And I don’t do it all the time. But to be able to do things that weren’t as available, seemingly to my family.

Tim Matthews  18:33  

It’s really important, isn’t it? Having again, role models, your brothers, right, which is great. And yeah, I find it interesting, because again, when I was in Leeds, I could just think maybe. After all, I’ve been out of that environment and have not lived there for a long time. But even still, it just seems different being, I guess, I’m just in a different environment these days. So when I go back, it’s even more of a contrast than I would have noticed before. And it stood out to me this time, the distance that was being created by the generational patterns that had been passed on. And I wasn’t okay with it. And I wasn’t okay with it. Not from a place of anger, but a place of real love and respect for my family. Right. For example, my sister and I may say what you’re doing, because we spoke about this when I was there. So yesterday, on the way back, I just messaged my sister and said, Hey, I’m open to being wrong about this. And this is my thing, but I got the impression that you didn’t want to see me while I was up. I got the impression. He didn’t want me there, which is fine, by the way, and I’m open to being wrong. But just you know, let me know. I’d love to clean this up. And she said, No, you’re right. You know, I didn’t realize it, and I did want to see you, and I was like, Look, Don’t lie, he didn’t. And that’s okay. Because if you did, you would have. It’s okay that you didn’t, but let’s just stop the lies. Let’s just stop pretending that you did and pretending that you don’t compare when you do because it’s the lie keeping the distance between us. Number dad, these things have gone on in the past within between mom and dad in their relationship. And they’ve never been spoken about. And these like big deals that shared the cost of relationship, infidelity, for example. And it’s never been talked about ever, which I get it right, I get the shame that my dad was carrying, I feel like I can see him, I get the stress and the burden that it must be all created, rather, to carry that with you.

Doug Holt  20:54  

Hey, sorry to interrupt the show. But I wanted to ask you a question. Do you ever feel like something’s just missing, like there’s something more out there, and you just can’t put your finger on it. I get it. Go over right now to ThePowerfulMan.com/Bonus to discover the system that other businessmen just like you are using. We’ve included 10 case studies, ten men just like you who have found the solution and found their way on their path. But we want to share that with you and go over to ThePowerfulMan.com/Bonus right away. Now let’s get back to the show.

Tim Matthews  21:34  

And to not have the tools to have the conversation, not to have the tools to be able to other people around you also to lean on. Right. And again, it makes me grateful for the time that we live in today. We’ve got the internet, we’ve got tools, got books with Audible, and got great people like you that can connect with. It’s incredible. So I get why, oh, well, not why I get what contributed to his silence. Voice still affecting the relationship today is the lie that there is the crying distance between him and my mom, which then we sat at the dinner table and my mom then, you know, says something and my dad’s angry because mom doesn’t want to go out with him on the weekend. But really, it’s not about her being boring. It’s the fact that hey, these lies have never been cleaned up. So long story short, anyway, I got back yesterday. I just said, guys, I want to get together with you all. We’ve probably got the last 10, next 15, 10,15 years of our lives together, lost 25% of our life together, I want to make the most of it. And there are cracks that I see that are not big, but just like anything, they’re not tended to and then turning into bigger cracks that are shaking the foundations of our family, and they could easily be fixed. And I want to invite you all onto a zoom this, you know, I didn’t say a time; I just said the only way to zoom. I want to get this out in the open. And I want to clear this up once and for all because it’s ridiculous. Caroline thinks this about me, and she’s making a story up. She thinks this person thinks this about a person is just ridiculous. I don’t care about what’s happened in the past; you might have chosen to take on the generational pattern you took over you. And as a result, instead of taking it on, you’ve passed it on. This isn’t about showing up on a blame game and talking about the past and making people feel bad. It’s just about getting all the lies on the table to move forward with honesty together. So those generational patterns don’t persist, right? And, you know, kudos to those guys who all said, Yes, we’ll be talking on Friday morning. But I think it’s such an important conversation to be in the idea of breaking generational patterns because I think some guys either aren’t aware, or they feel bad. They don’t want to judge, as you said, the parents because the parents did the best they could. And you don’t have to judge it while also recognizing what you’d like to tick, maybe because Tony Robbins has it brilliantly, right? If you’re going to blame them for everything that went wrong. You got to break up, sorry, blame them for everything they did wrong. You’ve got to blame them for everything they did r, Right as well. You know, my mom and dad did some amazing things, my dad in particular. Because that’s where the generational patterns are mostly, you did some amazing things, right. There’s a lot of positives and strands to be taken from it. And there are some things that I’d prefer to shift a little bit.

Doug Holt  24:38  

Yeah, I mean, when my father visited, you know, last time he visited pulled me aside because we had some conflicts, right in the way that he was acting around my kids, right. And he pulled me aside and said, I’m impressed with the father you become the way you interact without it. You know, and it’s kudos to my wife too. But for the guys listening to something my wife and I talk about regularly, and if you guys are going through a hard time in your marriage, this is important, right? This is specifically important because our kids are looking at us as role models and what a relationship means. Right? My parents separated when I was four, divorced when I was five, about that, right. And again, this isn’t to blame for that. But that’s the, and I share that with you because it’s the lens that I come through. And, you know, that’s very important to me to pass on to my kids. I want us to be happy in your relationship in your marriage, but so is how we treat each other? Our kids are always watching their friggin parents, man, like they are speeding everything you say and do and, and it’s hilarious and scary at the same time. But that also comes into being a big play. And I had to sit down and talk in conversation with my dad, right? And he said, hey, look, how can we make these trips better? I said You know what, here’s how we can do it. One, you know, and this, this parlays into what you’re saying? But I said I said look, one thing is you come down here. And every time you come down, you make a big joke. In my stepmom, you don’t care about seeing us. It’s all about the kids. And it’s a joke, but it’s one of those jokes that gets told 100 times you’re like, Okay, it’s funny, right? Oh, we don’t even care about you guys. We just want to see the grandkids. Oh, you know, you guys could do whatever. We don’t care. You know, the only reason you guys need to be alive is, so the grandkids are okay, you know, like, but it just gets to be like, it doesn’t offend me in any way, shape, or form. So I’m telling my dad that my great, you do that all the time, fine. And he comes down here, and you just sit on your phone. You don’t interact with them, like at all, like very little, and you don’t get on the floor and play with them. They’re my son’s three, and my daughter’s just turned one. Like, there’s no contract. You’re here for three days. And, you know, it feels as if you know, now we got to take care of the two kids and then take care of you guys. And it was a real, very real conversation with my dad. To his credit. One of his strengths is he loves almost brutal honesty, but he loves that level of like, hey, someone being real with him. And so it turned out to be a great conversation. The next day. My dad is on the floor. Some of regretfully, but I’m also you know again I come from that household very easy for me to be sarcastic and joke, but I’m throwing cracks left, right and center about a going to be on the floor aren’t Shia and making jokes to him. And he didn’t. He interacted with the kids. And he played with them and kind of talked about like, look in his generation. I’ve talked about this with my mom. Its kids are supposed to be seen, not heard. Right? In my house it is very different, right? We’re letting the kids explore, explore their identities, there are rules, but rules are like gravity in my house. They just don’t get broken. Right? There’s no wiggle room for these rules because we’re trying to the kids are all pushing their boundaries. But the point being is, you know, I’m very intentional. And I’m dude, and I am so far from a perfect father. And but I’m very conscious about my parenting, about being a dad, extremely conscious. And that’s why we have that, you know, Arthur is one of my role models, too. And Mark and the other coaches when it’s when we’re coming out with a powerful father course, right, it’s ready to release the guys in The Brotherhood have been through kind of an intro, and it’s mind-changing, it’s with men that are what I would call real men, and I’m going to throw me in there. But guy, guys, right? This isn’t like, you know, just tree huggers and things that, you know, when I was looking for conscious fathers, a lot of the guys that ran into, like, I just couldn’t relate to, these are real guys that, you know, have testosterone and are trying consciously to be a better father a better dad, not only for themselves but also for their kids, they want to be that role model. And there, you know, kids of all ages are talking about kids, you know, how do you deal with your kids wanting to play video games, and kids are going to throw tantrums and what have you. So we talked about breaking familial bonds and patterns. For me, it’s consciously, you know, where do I want my kids to end up? Like, where? How can I best serve them without being a helicopter parent? Because we’re not? How do I let them get their bumps and bruises and then help them with their development? And part of that, for me, Tim is learning as much as I can from great guys like the other coaches that we have.

Tim Matthews  29:26  

Yeah, it’s interesting. I know you said he’s great. You know, one thing we asked the men when they apply for the program, if they say they have children, okay, well, what effect it is having on the kids, yeah. You know, the fact that there’s warring in the marriage. And for a lot of guys that come to us, they have repeated generational patterns. Well, they’ve not been aware of it, right. It’s a very easy thing to do. You know, I was repeating them for a long time. I will be in relationships, and yeah, anyway, that’s the difference. But the point I’m making is, I think this topic gets so lost in the conversation with the men who come into The Activation Method because I’m not a father. But I’m just, and I do have access to many great fathers and a lot of great men who work on themselves. And the shifts that they’re seeing their kids, when they do the work to me says that the kids must have been paying the price before for the kids to improve. And yeah, whether it’s just to become happier, they become more outgoing, they start to pursue passions at their work, start to talk more around the dinner table, they start to be more whatever it is, right? Because the father is there, he’s leading the house. He’s been the CFO, the things we’re talking about. For a lot, guys, it’s too painful for them to own up to the impact it’s having on the kids when there is a problem in the marriage. And I get that. And the reality is, it will be affecting.

Doug Holt  31:10  

Huge effect. Man, I’m so pumped up about this conversation because the guys don’t see it until after they go through The Activation Method because they’re so ingrained in their shit. Hmm, they’re so bummed. And they don’t know how to do it. So the guys turn to go out with the other guys. They don’t want to do with the kids or how to relate to the kids. So they turn to the TV, or they turn to work, right? Because it’s like, I just don’t know how to relate. I was doing a monthly review with one of the guys in the inner circle. This guy’s awesome. And he’s done so much work. He went to The Activation Method, as you’re aware, and then jumped right into the inner circle. And one of the things he said to me, I won’t say who it is, I’m sure he doesn’t mind sharing this. And we’re talking about, Hey, how’s it going? Right? Because gotta remember, this guy came in through the program, or, you know, at least and you know, on the brink of divorce, like do I leave? and somebody’s like, well, how do things go and how’s the work? Our monthly reviews are very systematic. He filled it out, and we had a conversation. And he’s like, Doug, you know what, and by the way, he had a horrible time with his kids. But that’s my definition, not his, although I think he would be if we the same kids acted up and did not relate, you know, just didn’t have a really good relationship with his children. He walked in the door. And his daughter jokingly, like, made him give her a hug, which doesn’t normally happen. But he said something that touched me because I could feel it right. I could feel him. I could feel him feeling the memory. Say Doug, and my son just came running down the hall, I could see his hair flopping down because of a long hallway, where he lives. He just jumped into his arms, right and said, he is a daddy, I love you. He’s like, Doug, that’s a memory I will never, ever forget the rest of my life. And it brings tears to my eyes. Right? And it’s not even my son like unless he had done the work through The Activation Method. And now things he’s doing in the inner circle. Odds are he would never have that experience. And what I shared with him, Tim was more important to me, and his son has that same experience. His son is now learning what it means to be a dad through a different lens. Like he was never, he wasn’t around, and he focused on work. I’m just going to work because that was a good escape for him. Now he’s leading in the home. He’s the leader in the seat. He’s been the chief fun officer, and he’s working at it as we are as a dad. There’s no friggin manual, right? There’s no we’re working on a course that will help guys have some, you know, it’s like putting the guardrails up when you go bowling little bumpers that slide up. It’s putting those up for fathers and saying, okay, here are some guardrails that you can go through. They’re universal principles. This guy’s applying them and is reaping the benefits. And he sees it too. He’s like, Oh, my gosh, one, one kid was in therapy. And now she’s not acting out as much. Hmm, I wonder what’s changed is a kid change. No. The kids were reacting to the environment that they’re in.

Tim Matthews  34:04  

And, guys, if you’d like to get on the waiting list for that program, head over to the powerful father dot com and just pop your name and email in there. But anyway, on a side note, Doug, what a kook. I have a feeling we could talk about this for a long time. I’m not fairly I’m very passionate about, just about fatherhood, just from what I’ve experienced and witnessed. And it’s, you know, yeah, anyway. And obviously, you are very passionate about it. So instead of going on for another few hours, what about having, why not three things these guys can do right now if they you know, maybe things they have a clue that could be a better father, you know, this whole topic of breaking generational patterns, striking a little chord with them. I’d like to improve what they can do?

Doug Holt  34:58  

Yeah, guys, first of all, make a choice. Are you going to be a conscious father? Or are you just going to be the guy that donates the sperm? Right? That’s harsh. I get it. But it’s true. Right? You guys know being a dad is not easy, no matter who you are. But you can tell when you see a great dad versus an Okay dad at the barbecue is faking it a little bit or trying to choose to be a great dad now. I mean, this is one of the things in your life rocking chair test, when you’re 80, you’re looking back at your life. Being an amazing father. Like that’s, that’s something you can hang your hat on. Right and just be there be the dad that the kids want to see in Tim’s story about his sister not wanting to see him. You know, you’re going to be the father that gets the Christmas card and the birthday card and text, or you can be the father of the kids who want to come to see or turn to for advice, life advice? Hey, Dad, I’m having a problem with my marriage, how would you do it? Right now versus the data 100 problem with my marriage, I’m not talking to my dad about it because he can’t do it. So making a choice is what I’m trying to say. The second thing you can do is sit down and look at the patterns of your family, the things that you didn’t like, right, you can do the things you like to, but the things that you didn’t like that you think are a little bit different than the way you were raised. And notice if those are playing out in your life, chances are you’re disciplining. Similarly, chances are you’re doing things similar to the way you were raised, because probably I’m thinking about it. Right? I know I didn’t. I just had the advantage of being in this coaching environment. For so long that I knew that I got to think about it. And step three is, make a decision, right? If you’re going to step into this, find some role models, find some men that aren’t doing it perfectly, because nobody is, but they’re working on doing it better right there in the conversation or better. It’s just like the concept Tam is, you know, if you want to get in shape, hang out with people who are in shape, hang out with people who are working out a lot, right, you don’t want to hang out with people are getting beer and pizza every night, if you’re trying to get in shape because you’re going to end up drinking beer and eating pizza and getting fatter. It’s the bottom line. To find it go over to the website that Tim mentioned. Tim, what was the website, again?

Tim Matthews  37:14  

the powerful father.com

Doug Holt  37:15  

So go over to ThePowerfulMan.com, put in your name for the waiting list, and find some more information. I have firsthand No, the guys that the coaches that created it, that started it, and this is their life’s mission. I mean, their life’s mission is to help fathers. And they’re amazing. Some coaches run The Activation Method and The Brotherhood. And these are two dads that combined. I’ve spent a ton of time and money, and resources on learning what it means to be a great dad. And there are guys I learned from the right and the guys that I seek out for advice and as role models. So guys, always just take action. You got to make a decision. And get off the fence once your eyes are open, you’re going to move forward. And you know, it’s not easy, right? It’s never always easy. But dude, being connected to your kid and playing with them and seeing them grow and develop and them coming to you for advice and for just wanting to spend time with you. God, that warms your heart and just feels so good. So gentlemen, if any of this resonates with you and just takes action, right, just take some action. And you know it’s something I’m passionate about as a father as a person. And the powerful father is something that I’m looking forward to seeing us launching and bringing it, of course, is ready. It’s been ready. And we’ve run through it with a couple of betas just to prove the model that it works for all fathers, and everybody’s had an exceptional experience. I want you guys to do it for him. I had no idea that we were going to talk about this today, Tim. So I appreciate you bringing this to the table that’s filled me up with energy. Gentlemen have an amazing day. And as always, just do the work. Right. That’s what we’re here for. We’re just here to provide some insights. It’s up to you guys to do the lifts and do the work yourself. Guys, we’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man show.