Cavan Ramsey’s Journey

Episode #369

Why do so many successful men wait until the last minute to act?

How has The Activation Method changed Cavan Ramsey’s life?

Before The Powerful Man, Cavan was working a good job, earning good money, and enjoying his seemingly wonderful family life. It was great – until things started coming apart.

He realized that he needed to do something different, but he thought he had everything under control. 

One reason why successful men put things off is that they think they’re in control of the situation. “Everything is fine and everything will get better.” 

When Cavan joined the program, he thought he was going to get all the answers to fix his marriage.

But it is not about fixing things externally. The Activation Method is focused on you and what you’re doing – the impact that you have not only on yourself but on everyone close to you.

In this episode, we are going to talk about Cavan Ramsey’s journey, why so many successful men wait until the last minute to join The Activation Method, and how TAM has changed his life – it can change yours, too!

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Episode Transcript

Cavan Ramsey 0:00  

I’ve looked at a couple of other options as well, and there, I gave typically, and he can be that initial call to see what, uh, what it was I wanted to do. And I was quite clear in that call. He said, What do you want to achieve behind it, a powerful man?” And I said I want one of two things. And that was the thought that decided my marriage or accepted it’s over and some of the lighter, I’ve got one of the answers that I was after.

Doug Holt 0:28  

Hey, everyone, thanks for joining us. I’m so excited here. I have Cavan Ramsey with us. Not only a graduate of The Activation Method and a member of our brotherhood, which is our one-year mastermind program. So Cavan, thanks so much for being here. My pleasure. My pleasure, though. So Cavan, you graciously raised your hand and said, Hey, I’m willing to share my story. So other guys could see what’s going on. So before we get into some of the nuances over it, you’re in the UK, I’m in the States, as guys can probably tell by our accents. But let’s go back in time, let’s go back in history here, pre-before he found the movement that we call The Powerful Man before you got interested in what was going on in your life?

Cavan Ramsey 1:20  

I think, looking back, I probably didn’t know at the time. But in hindsight, looking back, what was going on was, I was at work, earning good money, bringing the money home, having what would appear to be the sort of idyllic family life, I would say. And to a large extent, some of it was great. And I think probably two years ago, some of the things started coming apart. And again, when I look back in hindsight, things started coming apart before or recognized that they were coming apart. Yeah. And it’s only when I’ve got to the sort of last straw, if you like that, I figured I needed to do something different. That’s when I joined the Powerful Man again, and I think I’ve said at the time when first enrolling, I wished you to come around probably 12 months, even two years previous. And perhaps things could have been different. Not that I wish them to be different than they are today. So I’m in a good place today. But perhaps things could have been different if I discovered the bar format a little bit earlier.

Doug Holt 2:31  

Yeah. Well, it’s the most common thing I always ask that question of all the guys, if you were to talk to yourself a year, two years ago, what’s a piece of advice you would give yourself? And every guy? Sorry, I wish I would have started this earlier. Super. Yeah, yeah, it’s super common for everybody. And what do you think? I’m curious you’re super successful in your field of work in the work that you do? A very intelligent guy. Why do guys like us always wait until the last minute? What do you think that is?

Cavan Ramsey 3:07  

I think for me, and perhaps for others, as well, if you if you’re successful doing what you do, from a work point of view, and you feel in control, I think the reason that you put things off is that you think that you are in control, or you like to think you’re in control, perhaps. And for me, trying to control situations, some of which weren’t in my control. I just thought that at the time, it would be okay; it will get better. I’m a bit of a problem fixer in life. So any problems that had come across before or were sort of gone over them, there’s an element of just head down, move forward, on the notion that things will get better. And I think deep inside, there’s probably a fear of failure if things aren’t going as well as they could be. Or you’re perhaps comparing yourselves to the Facebook lifestyles of many others that appear to be having these idyllic lives, which we all know isn’t true, right? The comparisons that you make, and I think just put that a little bit of extra pressure on you to perform business-wise, but also as a married man, Father, brother, son, whatever that might be. Yeah, I think there’s pressure to perform. And I think that’s both a personal aspect and a work aspect.

Doug Holt 4:32  

Yeah. I mean, you and I were talking about this before we hit the record button. And it’s kind of laughing but also talking about our journeys. Right. And I was sharing with you that when my wife and I were going through our problems. I would. I was scared. I didn’t want anybody to know, right? I didn’t want anybody to know because what was that judgment about me? What did that mean about me as a lover and husband, or I am successful in business? I’m doing all these other great things in the world. It looks from the outside like we are the best power couple in the world. But on the inside, that’s where things weren’t going on.

Cavan Ramsey 5:12  

Exactly. And you play a lot through your head all the time, and I think when the news started getting out, my wife and I were separating. The wall I don’t think there was one person that wasn’t shocked because from the outside looking in everything, not rosy going on all the holidays every year, the cars got all of that type of stuff. Everything looks sort of rosy. But I think that there’s a fear of telling people whether that’s my close family. Yeah, it took probably for the moment I decided in my particular story to separate. It probably took me six months. And I don’t know why that was. But part of it, I think, is what I’ve been conditioned as well to have been brought up. My mom and dad were married together until my dad died when he was 17 years old. My mom now lives by herself; I wouldn’t go near another man in that whole getting married at 21 and being together for life is what I’ve been conditioned to think is normal. And it’s a nice normal, but reality would suggest at least in the UK that half of the people that get married get divorced. So it’s not real. So I think there’s that pressure, how you’ve been brought up and telling my friends as well. So my close friend, hey, he knew I spoke to him but telling acquaintances next-door neighbors and neighbors in the street, for instance. I mean, that was almost a fear of, I don’t know, like being shamed almost. And when I started finding out my next-door neighbor cried blindly once, I couldn’t believe it. So yeah, I got a good deal of shock. And all of that time, there’s me trying to keep this thing together. And there’s the pressure that’s involved in doing that. And that pressure then impacts the relationship that you’re trying to save in this instance.

Doug Holt 7:15  

Yeah. And it spreads out everywhere, right? in every aspect, your business, health, etc. Yep, so you’re, so you go through that you’re, you’re in the darkness, so to speak, is what I kind of look at it as and the feeling I had was, I’m all alone in this to like, I’m going to save this as you do in business. I’m going to solve this, and I can solve this problem. I’m going to get my whiteboard out with sticky notes, and I’m going to strategize how to do this. And when that’s not working, then you decide to go and enjoy The Powerful Man. Right and go through there. What was one of your deciding factors and getting on that first phone call?

Cavan Ramsey 7:57  

When looking back now, I mean, that’s an air of desperation. In my decision, I didn’t know what else to do. I think a step before that was going to save marriage guidance counselors, which don’t know how to put it as bluntly as it just didn’t work. We have Uhm, and I felt that it was hugely biased towards the other. The other half, I felt that it was talking about all the problems, which probably only equated to 10 or 20% of our marriage, because there’s 80% of good stuff as well, that sort of getting a bit forgotten. It felt like the microphone was with my wife more than with me during the sessions. Whether it’s a difference having a man or a woman as the counselor, I’m not sure who knows, but it was a woman. And ultimately, for marriage guidance counseling sessions, I think the item that was delivered as a result of that was my wife plucking up the courage to say, I want to win this. And I didn’t want that to be the case. So she was a bit further ahead than they would sign her change cycle. But then speaking, I can’t even remember where I picked up The Powerful Man from. I think it must have been enough for Facebook. I’ve looked at a couple of other options as well. There. I gave typically, and he can be that, that initial quarter to see what uh, what it was I wanted to do. And I was quite clear in that call. He says, What do you want to achieve from joining a powerful man? And I said I want one of two things. And that was either to save my marriage or accept that it’s over. And some months later. I’ve got one of the answers that I was after. Yeah, I think that’s how I got initially sort of into it. Yeah,

Doug Holt 9:52  

Did she talk about that because we talked about waiting a long time? It’s what we do, and it depends on what you read. 70 to 80% of divorces and separations are initiated by the woman. Because she us guys, we almost need the house to be on fire before we think about doing anything about it. And it’s a common story, right? A lot of us guys, myself included, always wait very long. But we talked about marriage counseling too. I went, I saw I had a male marriage counselor and a female. And I can tell you there was no difference. Right? It always looked in the rearview mirror about the past and dug up the problems, which compounded the problems. Right, it was nothing about making things better or looking at the 80%. Like you said, the 80% of great things that happened was let’s focus and put all our energy on the bad stuff, which just makes things worse.

Cavan Ramsey 10:42  

Yeah, no, I agree. I agree. I think I came out of those meetings. And we only had a handful, really all together. And then we decided, let’s say we decided. I think my wife, at the time, had more of that decision than what I did. Because again, as you said just a moment ago, I’m a fixer on making a better type of thing. And I thought I think anything can be fixed in literally anything in the world can be fixed. But sometimes it’s, it’s proper for it not to be. And that’s where I concluded after some months.

Doug Holt 11:21  

So you’re in the situation, so you decide to join The Powerful Man, you’re going through The Activation Method, go to an alpha reset, not giving away any secrets there, by the way, it is about laughing. And then you decide to go into The Brotherhood, right? I’ve heard so many stories. So talk to us, paint a picture for a cabin that hasn’t joined the party, maybe just stumbled upon it, paint a picture for that cabin, what the journey has been like.

Cavan Ramsey 11:50  

When did I join? I think I joined in February, January, February 2020. I think initially, and I think when I joined, I probably felt as though I would get all the answers to fix my marriage, which is an external thing, right? It’s an external thing; why marriage as much as people might all accept it externally. But I think one thing that became apparent, very quickly, in The Powerful Man was that it wasn’t about looking externally to fix things, which I’ve got a history of trying to fix things externally; therefore, I’ll be okay. Very much pointed inwards. One thing that took me back a little bit when going through The Activation Method was how much it focused on me on what I’m doing. The impact that I have, not only on myself but on others around me. That’s probably the first thing I noticed with The Activation Method over several months. Now we did have the lockdown and COVID, which played with things a little bit. But over I think it was a three or four-month period, joining together with a group of men on video call some of the US some in the UK. There’s a real sort of camaraderie. And again, probably the second thing I noticed was that I certainly wasn’t alone. And even though I hear about divorce rates and all this type of stuff, you don’t speak physically to many people about this. And you certainly don’t speak to your friends so much about this, what your closest friends about this stuff. And you certainly don’t speak to them about some of the feelings and emotions that came out in The Activation Method. 

I joined. I think there are six or six of us, I think, in The Activation Method group. And we can’t wait to start building a relationship with these guys. And week on week, it was abundantly clear that all of those things that I felt I was in isolation with I wasn’t. And these six other people were either going through the same type of thing or something very similar. And then when I look beyond the activation group and into the whole movement as a whole, there’s another X amount of people that are going through the same type of thing. Now some people have gone one way and saved their marriage. Other people have gone another way and decided to make that and the other change. But in both instances, both groups of people are in a better place than they were when they started and are then transitioned via The Alpha Reset into The Brotherhood. And that that support mechanism that is there continues. And, when you leave The Activation Method group and then go into The Brotherhood phase, the group actually expands, and our members are taking a step from one to the other and then engaging with other brothers in The Powerful Man that was six months ahead of me in terms of age. And there were people that I could lean on to say, Well, I’m going through this, I’m going through that, I can’t quite think straight on this, how did it work out for you. And they said I’ll get where you are because I was like that six months ago. And they didn’t give their story of this, that northern had this offer number of that number of the brothers, one makes you feel a little bit better that it’s not just you in the world going through it, which logically that isn’t the case, but emotionally fill in a hole. 

That there was that, not to mention the advice that comes from it, but also the coaches, the coaches like myself, and Tim and Arthur, unlike that, there’s just a big support mechanism there. And if you’re going through something, I can bet your bottom dollar that someone else in the group is either going through it at the same time, or have gone through it, six months previous, or indeed are about to go through it in six months. So we can work both ways. The way my journey is gone is I’ve looked that way for people to support me. And then as people have joined after me that are in a similar position, or that way to support them and say, Look, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I didn’t think there was at the time, but there’s light at the end of the tunnel. And just this week, having conversations with it with a couple of guys that were in a pretty dark space at say six months ago, you can see those green buds appearing. And it’s really good for me, as well, to know that I’ve tied a very, very, very small part in just giving them a bit of advice for a start or just a bit of jail or whatever it might be. So it works both ways given time.

Doug Holt 16:42  

Hey, sorry to interrupt the show. But I wanted to ask you a question. Do you ever feel like something’s just missing, like there’s something more out there, and you just can’t put your finger on it. I get it. Go over right now to ThePowerfulMan.com/freedom to discover the system that other businessmen just like you are using. We’ve included 10 case studies, ten men just like you who have found the solution and found their way on their path. But we want to share that with you; go over to ThePowerfulMan.com/freedom right away. Now let’s get back to the show. Yeah, I think you’re very humble because I think you bring a lot to the table, my friend. And all the ways, and that’s one of the things I love about the movement and reason I got involved was they say you’re the sum of the five people you spend the most time with, especially now we have locked down, things are starting to open up. But if you could spend some of those five people being other business leaders around the world, that are men that are out to better themselves, not only just for themselves, you mentioned internal versus external, but they’re also doing it for their family, sometimes for their kids, right becoming role models for their kids on when something unexpected and quote-unquote tragic happens. Does dad pull through? Does dad do this? Because they’re always watching. And you’re around these guys all the time. And everybody’s exchanging ideas on how they did it. There are also some jokes in the lab where guys, right at the end of the day, everybody’s having fun. But these are top performers worldwide that are sharing and talking about what’s going on.

Cavan Ramsey 18:27  

Yeah, agreed, agreed on nothing you just touched on business, I mean, the going through The Activation Method and then and then looking at the five different aspects of my life, self-health, relationships, abundance, and business and trying to get clear on where I am with those things none of which are paid particular focus on before. Even though I did stuff for myself, not as much as I should, I certainly do more these days. Did I focus specifically on my relationships and my business with a set of actions goals, nothing a bit more by chance, a bit more organic? Now I’ve got a structure that I use to beat my vision and purpose for the year. And these are all sorts of methods, tools, techniques that I’ve gleaned really from The Powerful Man, and they’re part of my routine now daily. Morning Routine especially, you just talked about your kids always watching and looking at my health. My health goals, just as an example over the last even just the last six months, as a result directly have been in The Powerful Man and as a result directly of some of the people egging me on to do stuff. My physical challenge and body composition have resolved with that just over the last six months, and I have improved to the point that it’s better than what it was when I was 20 years old. Wow. Wow. and that’s some, that’s some accomplishment that I wouldn’t have just done organically. I wouldn’t have done it because it wouldn’t be anyone holding me accountable for it. And I have that a bit more with the brothers and The Brotherhood.

Doug Holt 20:14  

And you shared a lot of the guys do, right. So we have a private community for those that don’t know, but you’ve shared pictures and your kids getting involved, and you get them involved. And it comes from like, the top-down right there all I have kids as well, they’re always watching us, whether we think they’re watching us or not. And they’re making decisions on how to move their life forward. Right, we talked about, like you had a model of the world, the way your parents were, you never really questioned it until recently, but that was just the model of the world. Now your kids are getting a different model of the world, a more positive one, perhaps.

Cavan Ramsey 20:49  

Absolutely. And I think my model of the world that was built was a very loving one. Different people in The Brotherhood have had different upbringings different challenges, be with their mother, their father, their brothers, their sisters, whatever that might be, I have never felt as I’ve had that so much, by way of surrounded by love, and all of that, but it’s only when you start looking in looking into that, that history part of my objectives, my goals, so the last 12 months is about putting me at the start of the kid putting myself first. And that isn’t selfish. And some people might think that when you say him, it’s not selfish, it’s about putting myself in the best position to be in the best position for everybody else, as well as myself, my kids, my mom, my brothers, whatever that might be. And I’d always put myself last. And it’s always the analogy used in The Activation Method around filling your cup up and letting everyone else have what overflows. That’s the model that I have in my head, it’s a picture I have on my wall in my bedroom. 

Because I want to be in the best, strongest, most positive position to be able to be there for other people if my glass is empty, and I’m running on fumes, I’m not going to be that best person, and people won’t get the best of me. And I certainly won’t get the best of myself. So I’ve focused on that in the last sort of 12 months. And again, directly from The Activation Method and coming out of that saying, put me and I think you asked me a question. It’s probably a bit close to 12 months ago, or ten months ago, what did you do for yourself this week? And I paused, and I looked up into the sky, and then you didn’t. I don’t think you’d let me answer it. Because I didn’t have an answer. And the fact that I paused for so long because I couldn’t think of something that I’d done for myself that week is the answer. So I’ve been doing a lot more of that. And it is difficult with kids and challenges. Workwise wife or ex-wife wise, it is a challenge to put yourself in sometimes, but it’s certainly a mark of my goals for 2021 to put myself in peak form if you like. 

And I’m quite focused on that—these days. I’ve got boundaries in place now for future and future relationships, whereby this is what I’m willing to accept and what I’m not willing to accept, with some flexibility. But my boundaries are quite low 24 months ago, in terms of accepting pretty much anything on the notion of grasping onto this, this marriage that some weren’t working out, have pretty much-done anything. And again, now look back and realize that was quite weak. And the position I’ve been in the future, and today won’t ever be that again. Because this is, there are more limits to normal boundaries. And again, it’s some people who might think that’s selfish. I don’t. And to be honest, I don’t care what I think anyway.

Doug Holt 23:51  

I love that. I remember our conversation, by the way. I remember exactly when it was. I remember your reaction and what I said. But that’s the interesting thing, right? Is it selfish? The only time someone says you’re selfish is what they’re saying is, you’re not doing what I want you to do. That’s all selfishness, right. They are the ones being selfish.

Cavan Ramsey 24:12  

As the RNA isn’t exactly. But they sort of fill your cup up, and I have to check in on myself sometimes because it feels completely slicker than that. But I know when it’s slipping, I know when I’m not doing stuff for myself. I know when I’m not getting outdoors and walking in nature. I know when I’m not doing my exercises the impact that it has. I know that if I’m drinking too much on a weekend on a Saturday, the impact it has on me for the next two days? Yeah.

Doug Holt 24:38  

So we were talking, and I love this, by the way, and thank you so much again for sharing this with the guys. We were talking about the idea that you’re alone, right? And as soon as you’re not Cavan, you’re not a guy previous to this; that would just jump on a video and just share your story with the world, right. I mean, I sensed that, but when you started To share little aspects of your journey, what happened?

Cavan Ramsey 25:04  

What did you recognize, whether that’s sharing my story within The Powerful Man, or even outside, I don’t know, ever work colleagues or friends, I noticed people were quite keen to listen. I was looking at that. Now, I think part of the reason people were keen to listen is that they compared it with their situations. I was quite taken aback when I started coming out of my shell a little bit and talking about how many people are going through the same stuff. I’ve got one or two friends at the moment that are in a place where I perhaps was a couple of years ago. And while I’m trying to lose myself, I can fix it one on people. So I want people to make their own decisions about whatever it is they want to do. I want to tell them and give them a shade to say, get yourself on The Powerful Man because it will open up a whole new way of thinking for you. But I want to tell people what to do, and I just want to tell them sort of my journey and how it’s benefited me. 

But the biggest thing, I’m taken back by just the amount of people that have either gone through it, and I didn’t know they’ve gone through, these are not friends, they’ve gone through it didn’t know they’ve gone through it, or they’re going through it, or their friend I know is going through it. And the more people I spoke to, even some work colleagues when I’m sorry when I said, our house and family life as a kid, so actually, it’s a bit, it’s a bit crap at the minute, and I used to go into it. And these work colleagues that I wouldn’t necessarily be best friends with, oh, yeah, well, I got divorced two years ago, and this is what happened to me. And before it, as soon as you like the touch paper to say, I’m going through this, people are almost biting your hand off to talk about it. And I think it’s the best variation. Because they’ve kept so much feeling and thought and emotion locked inside, that as soon as someone is there, that knows what they’re sort of going through a little bit before they’re on it. And they think this is somewhere I can relate to. And I think we’re men who struggle, I think generally it is an expression of their emotions, but they talk about the stuff that may be a mark of a man’s failure.

Doug Holt 27:24  

But it’s not. It’s not at all. And so what’s interesting here in your story, to me, what I’m hearing is you thought everything external is what you were going for, you joined to fix the external, you ended up finding a journey that was internal to you. Once you start filling your cup up, you’re now going out like not like you do this all the time. But you were able to share a little bit more. It’s almost like they say when you’re on a plane, right? If there’s an emergency, what do you do? You put the oxygen mask on yourself first. And you’re now that you’ve done that you’re secure because you’re very not that you’re perfect in every way. Right? You’re probably better than I am. Because I always joke around the most flawed, but at the same time, you have your oxygen mask, your cup is full. And now, people around you are just like a craving for that oxygen that you have. And just by sharing it, you’re giving them a little bit of oxygen, your cup is overflowing, and to those people around you. And that’s what a leader does. That’s the leader in business but a leader on this planet that we live on.

Cavan Ramsey 28:25  

Exactly, I think the idea cannot put it down to The Powerful Man, just as one thing. Sure, it’s, it’s not so much that The Powerful Man has done that. For me, it’s what The Powerful Man has shown me to do for myself. I think that when I look at self-health, relationships, abundance, wealth, I’ve looked at all of these areas, and I’ve put things against them to say if I do this, so self as an example. And abundance. I do meditation these days and have done it for the last sort of 12 or 18 months, more so seriously in the last 12 months. And the benefit that gives me is that I’m speaking to Buddhist monks every week, doing guided meditations and this type of stuff. And I banged on about it all the time. People are bored of hearing about it from the piece that it allows me to gather in one mind when my mind is worrying, and 12 months 18 months ago to hear in my mind was it was really like a washing machine. Hence, kind of go to The Powerful Man they talk about focusing on these particular areas of your life. I go away and think about how I’m going to do that. And meditation is just one example in one of the five areas I’m looking at that helps me with a peaceful mind but also contemplate what’s going on in the facts of the situation. How can’t I control anything other than myself? And even then, that’s difficult, right? It’s, it’s, sort of like the knock-on effect, if you like, of what I’ve gleaned from the performer.

Doug Holt 30:14  

It’s awesome. Yeah. I mean, we Yeah, we’re never saying we’re everything, right. But it’s the idea of building that foundation. So Cavan, as I know, I only asked you for a couple of minutes of your time, and everything you’re saying is great. What advice if a guy is watching this, whether on YouTube or listening to this, and going, Okay, I can relate to Cavan, I can relate to his story. But I’m not sure if I don’t have the time to put into this, I don’t have the money to put it into this. Or, what I’m going to do this next month, maybe next month, I’m going to look into this. What would you say to that guy?

Cavan Ramsey 30:49  

About time, I would say much like a sort of a business analogy, where we say people say they haven’t got time to improve, right? And I would say to that or have you got time to fix everything that’s broken afterward, and I’d say, probably not. So if you’ve got enough time to go through all the crap that you might be going through, in regards to whatever that might be business, health, relationships. If you look tired of going through lots of nonsense and rubbish in your life, then you’ve got the time to focus on actually, The Powerful Man. And even if alone, you just look at yourself. And again, the biggest thing that came out of that was, what can I do? For me, and on behalf of me, to help me that’s, that’s what’s outside what have you got to lose if you’re in a position where you’re thinking about it if you’re in a position whereby you’ve got to the point like I did. Some people go past, and I would say, perhaps go past what I go past and are in a worse position than they perhaps.

But if you’ve got to the point where you’re thinking about it, then I would say, take the next step and do it. I did it for too long before I didn’t and, and three to six months in, the realization was that I should have done it 12 months before. And I don’t think I’ve met one person within the platform that has said anything different from that. So from a timing point of view, I say make time to be the best time you’ll probably create yourself. In terms of money, I think two things. I think, with The Activation Method, for me, total money well spent, are there cheaper options out there? Probably there are more expensive options out there. But again, if you guys that are watching this are businessmen, I found it useful to put my customers through my business and do it that way as a coaching and training program, which is legitimate today as part of the business then and also just spend the money, spend the money, you can then make a choice after that if you want to join The Brotherhood. But I don’t think about The Brotherhood and enjoying it at the moment. just just just do the first bit first wants to

Doug Holt 33:11  

Awesome for the man himself. Well, Cavan, it’s been an honor to witness your journey, my friend. It looks like I might be heading out to the UK to possibly do an alpha reset in July. So we cherish the time because you and I haven’t met face to face because of a COVID yet, so I cherish that moment when we get the opportunity to do so.

Cavan Ramsey 33:30  

Now I’ll put my name to Arthur last week, asking if you need any support for it because I love all that stuff. It’s The Alpha Reset is where it’s

Doug Holt 33:41  

It is alright, my friend. Thank you so much for your time. I appreciate my pleasure as always. Cheers. Cheers. Catch you later.