Envy

Episode #346

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Episode Transcript

Doug Holt 0:00 

And people find out what we’re getting paid how much we’re making for the value we’re doing. People start to make up stories. Geez, these guys must be not paying their staff enough. All these guys must be hiding money internationally. I don’t know that people make up all kinds of stories. The truth is, but they’re telling themselves I can’t, I can’t make that kind of money. Oh, whatever. The stories are all bs stories. By the way, that’s indie that stops you guys and prevents you from getting what you want. 

Doug Holt 0:00 

Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man show. I am your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host, Tim “The Powerful Man” Matthews. What’s going down, brother?

Tim Matthews 0:12

Very well.Very well.

Doug Holt 0:15

Good. Good. Good.

Tim Matthews 0:16

Yeah. How are you?

Doug Holt 0:17

I’m doing well also, though it’s a little raspy. But I was just reflecting on Jim, just the year right going through. So in a year, you look at the area made a million dollars, right. So I made a million bucks. Having sex with my wife almost every day, working almost 20 hours a week. So I’m able to spend time with my kids looking forward to lots of vacations and travel. As we go through this., very blessed is every a lot of the people are sweating it away. here we are making on track go $400,000 a month coming in. So absolutely amazing. Amazing. We go there. I share that with you for two reasons. One is guys listening to this, and I want you to listen to what I said. Making a million dollars, sex with my wife almost every day, and traveling only working 20 hours a week. So I can do what I want to do mountain biking, working out, having fun. I want you to notice what occurs for you guys. What happened when I said that? How many just honestly show virtual hands. How many are like what? A little envious of my relationship? My wife is amazing that I’m making that much money. I’m only working 20 hours a week doing what I love. How many just virtual show hands? Just raise your hand. No one’s looking here in the car, and you’re on the treadmill. Just raise it if you’re like, yeah, I’m a little envious of that lifestyle. Well, the second thing is it’s not true., I’m, I’m exaggerating some of these things. But that’s not the point. What I want to talk about is what happens for many of us; we hear somebody making 400k take home a month. We start doing the math in our head and what that equates to or anything else. we get a little envious there. Now when we get a little envious, we start making up stories. the stories we start making up are, well, yeah, Doug did that. But, what’s he doing? He’s cheating. 

The system is screwing people over. He’s doing something with his wife, and he’s buying his wife expensive stuff. that’s why they’re having sex all the time. Whatever it is, there’s a story that comes up. Now, when we tell ourselves that story in a scene of envy, right, I’ve we’ve all been there, guys. So, my hands raised as well. I’m guilty of it at times. But it’s something I’ve worked on getting rid of. here’s why. When we tell ourselves the story of, well, that person probably did this, that person has got him a dad, and he’s got a six-pack, he’s probably doing steroids Or he’s probably gay That’s we hear all these stories of The Powerful Man from guys that are excuses. But when it’s around envy, what we’re doing is subconscious; we’re telling our brain that we can’t have that. Subconsciously, we’re saying, Yeah, I can’t achieve that. So I’ll use a couple of examples here. Right. The ten we had was awesome. We had some friends over recently. It’s a true story, barbecuing and doing well., my wife and I kind of looked at like the perfect couple. I know that people can say, Oh, yeah, but what’s the behind the scenes? I noticed because my wife talks to the wife. so women are much more open than guys. when that envy happens from another husband, There must be issues somewhere else. There’s got to be other problems Because it looks too good to be true. My wife and I have gone through tons of struggles, and our relationships are solid. What happens is that husband is telling himself subconsciously, I can’t have a marriage like that. Because it must not be real. Even though he wants to do one part of it, use this example a little bit better. One part of it is you have a guy saying, Man, I right now I’m in a sexless marriage, and I want to be having sex five, five days a week would be awesome two days just to stretch and recover. But five days would be amazing. then he needs another couple that’s seemingly doing this. 

Then immediately, envy kicks in. The same guy starts trying to put holes in it subconsciously, right. He’s going to see what’s behind the scenes, right, but they argue a lot., he’s just making a ton of money and by expensive stuff. So she’s sleeping with them just because of the money. All of these stories come in. We’ve heard all of these before. Right. But what the guy is telling himself in this case, the guy in the sexless marriage, subconsciously, I can’t have that. So he’s working hard at attaining it, getting it, listening to podcasts and things. But his subconscious mind says you can’t have that. Therefore, he’ll never get It. Right, he’s got too much conflicting evidence there. Now, people do this around money all the time, you and I go in and consult with business owners, will do a couple of things, we have two different models, I’ll just explain to guys because it’s, it’s relative here is you go and just do classic consulting tools, we’ll implement a team, we’ll put a team in position systems, etc. when we go in, and we do that we get paid well for it. People find out what we’re getting paid, how much we’re making, for the value that we’re doing, when people start to make up stories. You’re making 400 $400,000 a month again, recurring revenue, geez these guys must be not paying their staff enough, or these guys must be hiding money internationally, I don’t know, where people make up all kinds of stories, right, going through it. The truth is, what they’re telling themselves is, I can’t do that. I can’t make that kind of money. I can’t make that kind of money working from home. It must be easy for him because Tim’s got no kids Or must be easy for Doug because he’s got kids, but he’s got this big house, he’s got a whole level of the house to himself, have to work from whatever the story is. They’re all bs stories, by the way. That’s envy that stops you guys and prevents you from getting what you want for getting that income that you want from getting that body that you want, right from getting that relationship that you want. 

It’s the envy that stands in our way often to do so. So how do you combat that? Well, first, it takes a lot of work. I’m not going to, and I’m not going to lie. Second, what you want to do is recognize anytime you’d have that feeling of envy, change that to congratulations. So here’s an example. Tim, as an example, is out off to the mountains this weekend, this past weekend, on a solo trip. Now, dad’s out there with young kids like mine. Good luck Hard to get away and have that time to yourself. The freedom you had when you didn’t have kids. Very easy for me to be envious of Tim; Tim gets to go out into the mountains and travel. He’s getting his mountain leadership course and doing all these adventures. It’s only because of this, that, and the other. Well, the truth is Tim’s worked his butt off to be able to provide this lifestyle. The second thing is he’s taken a hard course and almost died. But they’re what I do, guys, and here’s the transition point: I applaud him, right? I applaud him because I want more of that in my life. What I’m doing is I’m if you guys watch the previous podcasts on the chemicals that control your mind, I am tricking my mind into providing more of that for myself. My mind starts to go, wow, Doug’s applauding Tim for having these amazing adventures. 

My brain subconsciously will eventually start pointing me to having more of these cool adventures and making them a possibility. The same happens with money. When I run into people who are making a lot more money, there are a couple of guys in the inner circle who are one guy who made a million dollars in a day Last this week. I applaud him on my amazing, awesome, great job we put the work in; you’ve done so much to do this. I’m subconsciously and consciously telling myself that that’s a reality. That’s not currently my reality. I but I’d like it to be, right. I like that to be my current reality. So I applaud him rather than getting envious of him. Rather than saying, oh, man, I wish I wish I had a million dollars. I wish he would just give me some of that because he’s got so much of it or any of that BS. I applaud him, right. He’s a powerful man; he’s stepping up in all the areas of his life. I clap my hands at them. I applaud him, not only because I’m one of his coaches, right, because that’s who I am. But also, if I’m training and programming my brain to work that way, right, my brain is going to start expecting million-dollar days. Right and coming into that same thing in the relationship. So this thing of envy, it’s so natural, but it’s not talked about much. Tim and I know you’ve talked about it a lot, and coaching the guys, I know it’s something you’ve worked well in your own life. You kind of I thinks you’ve just done it naturally. They’re done in our conversations. But let’s talk a little bit about where we’re seeing this apply for the guys that end up applying for the program.

Tim Matthews 9:23 

Yeah, it’s a great topic as well, and I didn’t. I’ve not always done this, obviously., many, many years ago, I would have been more likely to have been envious at times. Oh, yeah. that was when I used to be a victim, quite frankly. I used to have a life full of things that I didn’t want to be that, but I thought I had to do or that I should do be IT projects, businesses relationship, whatever, right. So I naturally felt empty hence the five agonies. So far, so anyway, the point is, and a nonanswering your question I’ll get to in a moment, Doug, the magical thing that happens when you can start genuinely congratulating another man or woman on their achievements, is you take a piece of that for yourself to the million-dollar day kind of become your million dollar day, like you were saying, dog. Still, you speaking of it, my interpretation, you were speaking it more from it becomes a reality Because you might how your mind works. Yeah, 100%, and also energetically, emotionally, the joy that that man fell in making 100, making the million dollars, or whatever it is, by congratulating him, you then experience some of that joy. Yeah, which is a great place to be its abundance. It’s where ideas flow is where creativity is, is where you can be the most decisive, it’s where the best ideas are, is where the most habit, everything that most people are chasing. They can have it right now. Where do we see this apply to the men coming in? I’ll speak more about the guys on the inner circle call today as I encourage the men to remember how easy it can be for them. I said to them, guys, look where you used to be? The perseverance that was a huge strength of yours in the early days of starting your business, where you had to rely on yourself, because maybe you’ve come over from Ireland, and you’re in New York, and you’ve got no one you can rely on, and you’ve got to rely on yourself. Or maybe you came over from Germany, and you’re in America, and you’ve got to rely on yourself. Those days are gone. So now, where perseverance was once a strength, it’s becoming a bit of a weakness. So instead of trying to burden yourself with figuring things out on your own, what if you were to just utilize those. 

Doug Holt 12:57 

Hey, sorry to interrupt the show. But I wanted to ask you a question. Do you ever feel like something’s just missing, like there’s something more out there, and you just can’t put your finger on it? I get it. Go over right now to ThePowerfulMan.com/Bonus to discover the system that other businessmen just like you are using. We’ve included 10 case studies, ten men just like you who have found the solution and found their way on their path. But we want to share that with you. Go over to ThePowerfulMan.com/Bonus right away. Now let’s get back to the show.

Well, if you were to become a little bit more lazy, right, instead of trying to figure out all the answers on your own, what if the future say hey, Tim, Doug, these things come up? I’m thinking about handling it this way. What do you guys do? Hey, author, whatever it is. That’s all the guys; how we use each other is a big way to use our relationship. It makes things so much easier. Suppose I’m paying for coaching. I’m not going to go on research and figure out an answer. I want to dive into that community, guys. Why should this number be cool? Why should it be this? Why should it be that okay, sweet? Got it, Guys. This is the number we’re aiming for. Sweet. Just make it easy. Where I’m going with this is for these guys to share. It requires them to be vulnerable. In doing so, when they’re vulnerable and they open themselves up, they realize that in sharing a struggle they may be going through. They also enable the men around them to experience a lot of joy in contributing and bonding with them in that peace of connection. I think it’s the same for envy and congratulated the men; for you to congratulate all the men by default, you must get to be In a place of abundance and comfort with who you are and where you’re at. So you’re not going about sniping men down or saying that oh, well, he must achieve him I must have done now he must have irrelevant. Or you, because you’re coming from that place of abundance, you can congratulate. Thank you, something that the man comes into as The Activation Method hasn’t yet figured out. I don’t say that with any disrespect to those men. It’s just they have prided themselves so much on the struggle, yeah, on the fight, and been able to win it. They’ve won very well, as well. But it’s a transition they often make that they make it, it naturally spills over into them, celebrating the wife, them celebrating the kids, instead of pointing at the one or two things they could have done better. They started to point at one or two things that did well. They just build closeness and connection, and everything progresses.

Doug Holt 14:52

Yeah, it’s interesting for me as well to look at that. As you mentioned, guys in the group, and I’ll explain another story. This is not to promote the group of guys to promote another way of thinking. Right that happens, we have a guy in the inner circle who’s done tremendously well in real estate. Good, easy to be envious of him. He’s killed it in real estate; with the other guys in our program, The Brotherhood, who have access to him, they reach out and call them and ask for his advice. Hey, I’ve got real estate too. I’m thinking about doing this. What do you think? Or hey, I’m thinking about getting into commercial residential. They’re exchanging information and releasing oxytocin. Right, forming new bonds with each other. Everybody’s helping everybody out. When envy is removed, you can do that when you start making up stories about other people. Oh, it’s easy for Doug because he’s in the States or because he’s always been an entrepreneur, starting businesses, whatever the story is, I don’t even know what stories to make up about myself. But it’s easier for Tim because he’s younger, older, whatever it is. That’s envy. You’re making excuses. As you said, Tim, you’re playing the victim card, And no guy wants to be a victim. It’s hard for guys when I call it out on them and say, dude, you’re a victim right now. One is it’s not sexy. So if you’re a victim, I can tell your wife doesn’t find that sexy at all. Two, it’s not manly, in my opinion. You got to have ownership. We look at Jocko Willink if I’m saying his name Me Extreme Ownership. I mean, that book flew off the shelves because guys identify him as a manly man. All right, coming through there. He’s not playing the victim now, and he’s going to crawl into our lives here and there. The key here, guys, is to get that repetition of catching yourself. What is it you’re envious of, ah, usually you’re envious of somebody who has something you do not have that you want? It’s kind of the definition. If you want it, applaud, cheer them on. Dude, it’s friggin awesome. 

You lost 20 pounds; you’re ripped. We got a bunch of guys going through a fitness challenge in The Brotherhood right now. All the guys are doing is just complement each other one guy in the six-pack abs dad He’s got, he’s got the six-pack, and he’s rocking it. It’s awesome. All the other guys are cheering them on. What that’s causing those guys to do is those guys are working out harder. Those guys are taking care of their bodies instead of saying, Oh, it’s easy for him. Because he’s in this industry, he’s got this, he’s got that, and I’ve got all these other responsibilities. The guys who are getting results with their bodies applaud him, encouraging him to go harder to do it. They’re doing the work too that forms. That’s why I call it The Brotherhood that forms that bond that’s there, and envy just disappears. When envy disappears, you can now get your goals much quicker. Again, we’re removing the roadblocks. These subconscious, the subconscious, these unconscious commitments, or these subconscious commitments, whatever you want to think about it. These things block a lot of men from getting to their goals. This could be in your marriage, guys. You could be envious that your wife has all this free time. Or you could be envious of another couple that’s got a great marriage. Yeah, it’s easy for Doug. It’s always been easy for Doug, Doug, and his wife. It’s just super easy for them. They have access to all these trainings, they have access to The Powerful Man whatever story it is, that’s envy, and I guarantee that’s going to stop you from having a relationship you want. Whereas you could say, Man, Doug’s marriage is off the hook. It’s awesome. I want to be having that kind of intimacy and sex and connection: the right to do a good job, bro. Good job, way to put it in work, Doug, right. That difference right there will put you on; it’s either going to block you from getting what you want or put you on the fast track to getting there. Right, The choice is yours.

Tim Matthews 18:50 

Yeah, 100%, and like you said, the key is just catching it is going to creep in. I mean, it’s; still, the knee-jerk reaction wants to creep in with me from time to time to catch it right. If I notice that I’m not acknowledging or celebrating something, I’ll make a conscious effort to do it still authentically. Still, even more, I’ll put my foot on the gas more there., we’re very blessed in many ways to be on calls with the men were part of it is what are your wins, celebrate. So it’s great. It’s a great process to be in instead of a place where I could probably improve this, and the most would be my relationship. Honestly, I could celebrate Amelia more there. I know; women grow through prayers and things like that, too. So it’d be a huge benefit. Yeah, it’s incredible. The things that can open you up to it can shift your perspective. And your energy, which might sound a little bit woo-woo. Specifically, you feel more relaxed, happier, calmer. We all know that present as well. We all know that that is a great place to come from being in business life. That’s what we all aim for. Okay, when I make this amount of money, then I’m going to be happier, then I’m going to be calm, then I can relax, then things will become easier. You can have it now.

Doug Holt 20:35 

Yeah, guys, you can have it all. Now. We’re trying to do with this podcast is just drip-feed you aspects of how you can get there faster. I say drip feed you because you got to take action on each of these. It’s why The Activation Method is eight weeks long. You got to take action on these items. It doesn’t happen overnight. Whether you’re using a triadic connection, the live like the king system, Clean Slate Method, whatever it is you’re utilizing, getting to where you want to go in your relationship or your business, for that matter. It all starts with these kinds of thought processes. Then looking at them, just make sure you’re getting where you want to go.

Doug Holt 21:12 

critical. Well, gentlemen, what I want you to do now, right, here’s your call to action, talk about doing something new is what I want you to do is think back the last three times you were envious, write it down and write what you’re envious about, what was that story? Were you telling yourself? Write about them. So last time I did this, Tim, you’ll notice two guys business partners that you and I know that are killing it. They’re crushing it in business. I got MBs MBs. Because I think they’re not. I don’t want to, and I don’t think they’re nearly as smart as we are. I don’t think they’re product they have isn’t nearly as good., I think we change people’s lives and accept, and I think everybody should have it., etc. I caught myself being envious of that. Rather than applauding, I’ve since changed that, and I applaud them publicly. I applaud them and recommend them. I’m not going to say their name because I don’t want them done. To be discouraged because of my initial reaction. But anyway, that’s the point. So, guys, I want you to name the three times you were envious and what you are envious about, right and come clean with it. If you can come clean to the person, that’s great. But applaud them, just go to them. Just go? Yeah, send me a message on social media, send them, just talk to them about like, Hey, man, just wanna let, you’ve seen I’ve seen you work so hard, and get your six-pack is just friggin inspiring to me. That’s awesome. Keep it up. Simple as that. Or, hey, the human business lifestyle you’ve built for yourself is inspirational. I just want to applaud you for that simple like, and I use that same lines, you can tell. But that’s simple to do it, so write it down, write it down bonus points if you communicate it to the person. Right bonus points, you get three bonus points per person you talk to, and we’ll keep a virtual scorecard for you. But gentlemen, like anything, right, you got to take action. Don’t use this as educational masturbation, as I like to say you got to take action. Don’t just go on to the next podcast saying you’re going to do it later and not taking action as we do one thing we do, right, and I want you to have everything that you want and everything you deserve. So, guys, that’s a wrap for us here at The Powerful Man show. Have an amazing week, and we’ll see you next time.