Is It Really Possible To “Have It All?”

Episode #318

Also, listen on:

iTunes
Sticher
Spotify
YouTube

————-

Episode Transcript

Tim Matthews  0:00  

Is it possible to have it all? Everything all five territories being on fire at the same time. And we’re not going to sit here and tell people what to think. It’s up to them to come to their conclusions on this. But I think, what are the truths in my opinion that we get to accept if we are on this pursuit of the quote, unquote, every territory, fire is eradicating the idea of balance and embracing the idea of rhythm.

Doug Holt  0:28  

Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man show. I am your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host, Tim, “The Powerful Man” Matthews. What’s going on, brother? 

Tim Matthews  0:42  

Very well. You? 

Doug Holt  0:43  

I am doing very well also, having an excellent start to the day doing some sleep training in my house. So I think I explained this to you before, but I have a one-year-old daughter, and she was into what’s called a sleep regression. And so we’re doing sleep training, which means not sleeping ourselves trying to get her back to a regular schedule of sorts. Lots of fun the whole household right now.

Tim Matthews  1:09  

Yeah.

Doug Holt  1:11  

Yeah.

Tim Matthews  1:13  

Actual fun.

Doug Holt  1:14  

 I’m kidding. We are having fun. Last night, we had people over, which is always nice. With the COVID and everything, we have isolated ourselves. I bought a house at the end of a road back up to the national forest and had people over last night. I had a great time. My wife did a course on Human Design.

Tim Matthews  1:37  

Okay.

Doug Holt  1:38  

Did you hear about that?

Tim Matthews  1:40  

Um, I don’t think I have.

Doug Holt  1:43  

 Okay, I didn’t know anything about it either. I mean, I know it’s not true. I knew it. Because Darcy, who works with us, is really into it. And they keep asking, whenever someone asks me what time I was born, I know they’re doing my astrological chart or human design chart. And human designs kind of like this way to understand your personality and who you are etc. So the women were dying. It was a flood of information. The women loved it, they were digging this, and it was exciting because they did what my human design is. And I, of course, made fun of a lot of it. But it was kind of interesting.

Tim Matthews  2:20  

Yeah? Is that accurate?

Doug Holt  2:24  

Well, I mean, is astrology accurate? People who believe in it think it is. I am such a skeptic on all of those things until I experience them. But kind of like astrology, when you start to talk to me, I’m an Aries. It is going to be hard for you to believe that Aries where they described as very assertive. Very fiery, can be a little bit more alpha dominant, leaders get stuff done and drive things forward. It probably doesn’t describe me at all though

Tim Matthews  2:57  

Yeah, I think you just added a couple of characteristics in there to describe it.

Doug Holt  3:04  

Sexy, good-looking, smart, very humble. But that’s, I mean, the Human Design thing. It comes to what they described me, and I’m paraphrasing all they paraphrase for me. And now I’m paraphrasing that game of telephone, but my type is that of a doer. And one of the things they said, which I thought was interesting, is that Human Design says that people with my design don’t know what it’s called. But we are best suited to react to a situation by waiting for the situation to come to us. And then, through our gut instinct, it’s our sacral center. We tune into that to react to the situation. So Darcy, who you know, and has worked with me for over ten years, she thought it very well accurately described me. So is my wife.

Tim Matthews  4:04  

Okay, interesting.

Doug Holt  4:07  

Especially the good looking smart part. 

Tim Matthews  4:09  

Yeah. It wasn’t. It’s something I want to talk about. So there’s a lot of messages out there. In marketing, that talk about having it all, talk about the idea of work-life balance. And I’m curious as to how much you believe it to be possible and true to strike, a work-life balance that enables you to have it all, quote-unquote, when I say have it all, the relationship is on fire at the same time businesses Sirenia Health is just on pine Feeling grounded and centered and coming from a place of just pure passion and joy, you kids are doing great. Bank accounts are bursting you full of energy, you jump out of bed in the morning, you’re just grabbing life by the balls, basically, and just running with it.

Doug Holt  5:22  

So my answer is yes and no. And it’s kind of like a lot of things. You’re saying that, right? I’m living that life now, for my former self, if that makes sense. So I’ll describe what I mean. And I also want to talk about this work-life balance, and this counterculture, that there’s a lot of people in marketing, they’re going against this right now, which is what you’re supposed to do in marketing, right? You’re supposed to throw stone rocks at disbeliefs are common, commonly held beliefs. So absolutely, yes, you can have it all and work-life balance, I’m proof of it to my former self. And the reason I say to my former self is that when you get there, you start setting new goals. Right. So my bank account is bursting. Compared to what you know, when I wanted it to get to this place, right, that would have been bursting for me. But now that I’m there, there’s a new milestone. You love doing Alpine. You’re doing the Alpine leadership course in the UK right now. As a mountaineer, you know, that if you’re not looking at the map, you’re like, I want to hike that mountain, and you hike up. And it can be a huge, tough mountain, that when you get to the top, often, especially if you’re in a mountain range, like where I live, you’re like, Ah, shit, there’s another bigger mountain, that didn’t, I couldn’t see it. And so now you got to go back down the other side of the mountain to go back up to this bigger one. And so I think that’s where it throws many people off with this whole idea of Can I have it all? You know, because when I look at my life and a lot of lives of almost most of the guys in The Brotherhood, or the inner circle, right, most of them have it all. It’s just when you get there, and you start getting bigger goals because what was once impossible is now possible. Thus, you set your vision from a different paradigm of what you want.

Tim Matthews  7:19  

Okay. Um, I hear that. And as you then anyone goes through growth, let’s say you set a new goal, you go after again, and by default, to achieve it, you’ve got to grow. There will be a disorder in the growth, and there will be a healthy amount of controlled chaos and stress. Yep, maybe a little bit of uncontrolled chaos and stress to a degree, maybe, right. And here’s where I don’t have an answer for this. It’s just something I was considering this morning. For me, the idea of work-life balance is the idea that two things are equal. For this to be balanced, that would stay that things don’t change. And it remains balanced. If you imagine like a little pendulum, maybe like a seesaw, seesaw, everybody on the fulcrum in the middle of the two things on either two ends is balanced, right. And for me, as I think about this, instead of trash strike, or work-life balance, that might be a little bit unrealistic. Is it more about finding a rhythm, right, a pulse, and a heartbeat? Because I agree with you, right, there’s always going to be another thing, because that’s the nature of the game. That’s the nature of the power of being a human being is that we feel alive by having purpose and direction. It’s how we are designed and wired to thrive is one of the needs that we have quite literally to drive across the board. Right? So if we accept that to be true, and if we accept it to be true, that there’s always going to be another thing, right? We’re always going to be on the path looking for the next summit because that’s who we are. Naturally, the game as entrepreneurs, then by default, things will never be in balance.

Doug Holt  9:44  

So yeah, yeah. And I never answered the work-life balance question you asked me. And this is the counterargument to this that some people out there as marketers are doing is you’re never in balance. You’re constantly in flux. It’s kind. I like the idea of multitasking. Are you multitasking? Or are you task switching? Now the current kind of paradigm is no, and you can’t multitask or task switching. Right? Not may I say current paradigm, because that may change. And also, what is work-life balance to you. Whereas me, right, I love what we do at The Powerful Man. Sometimes I’ll come down here to my office, which is on the house floor. And I’ll, if I’m down here, eight hours or 10 hours, right? And then I go up and hang up my family. To me, that is a work-life balance. Because it’s life. And I enjoy it. Whereas to somebody else that hates their job, work-life balance, maybe showing up to the office as little as possible, and as much time doing something else. So I think it’s very, very individualistic. Right, what that could be. It’s the definition of what it is. And I think what sticks many people is they think that everything has to be equal proportions, right to your point. And what’s that? And there’s no way, and it’s going to ebb and flow. There are times when I’m called in, whether it be consulting or something else; I’m called in to put out fires and emergencies that will take more of my energy and time at that particular moment in time. There are other times when I’ll cruise right, and I’m going to take four days off a month off. I mean, I took three months to travel, you know, around North America and Canada, not too long ago, and I took another time. So it’s what it means to you for this work-life balance thing? It’s the same thing with having it all. What does it all mean to you to have it all lifestyle? What does it mean to meet each individual?

Tim Matthews  11:44  

Hmm. And I think, you know, to have this idea of having a, is it possible to have it? All right, everything, all five territories, been on fire at the same time, let’s say? And I think, you know, I’m not, we’re not going to sit here and tell people what to think. Right? It’s up to them to come to their conclusions on this. But I think one of the truths, in my opinion, we get to accept if we are on this pursuit of, quote, unquote, every territory bit on fire, right? Is eradicating the idea of balance and embracing the idea of rhythm. Love, right. And suppose there’s going to be a rhythm because you will be in a state of flux, and they’re always going to be another thing, then by default. In that case, you don’t delay your happiness, and do the things that are important to you and bring you joy, like picking your kids up from school, or like going on a date with your wife, or whatever it is, for that one day in the future, when you’ve finally finished your work and arrived, because as we’ve just said, right now, the truth is that it’s never going to be done, there’s always going to be another thing. So with that being said, if there’s always going to be a state of flux, and we’re going to be in a rhythm to be able to flow with that flux, then you’ve got to know what works. You could come out launching a product; we want to get the minimum viable product, right? You want to get out there, into the marketplace, you get there to get feedback, you go again, do we run with it? You know, you’ve got it right. For every area to be thriving, so your relationship to be on point, your health, you know, business, a part of it has been able to distill it down to Okay, what is the minimum that I must do? What moves the needle in each of these areas? 

Right, so I’ll take my life and Mueller and me, well, I’ve come to discover for our relationship to be in a place where Amelia wants to connect with me, she wants to be intimate with me, a couple of things get to happen. And those two things are just hanging out with her. You know, for me, honestly, in the beginning, I enjoy hanging out with her, but also, you know, I could be there but not be there. And I didn’t see the point it could have been working. It could have been, you know, why don’t we go do something? We’re going to hang out; let’s go for a walk. Let’s do something right. Um, but for us, we’ve just fallen into the habit of about 9 am. So I wake up, do my morning routine workout, do all that stuff at about 9 am. By the time Amelia is up and done, finish doing what she does; we’ll sit down together and have a drink of coffee. She’s as much. We’ll chat for half an hour, maybe 45 minutes, put the radio on and listen to music. And what I’ve noticed from keeping that in there, even as we’ve got busier with The Powerful Man and more projects have come on, and more people want to join the movement and all that stuff in this training staff. If I let that one thing slip, that has a huge effect on her energy and willingness. Because at the end of the day, once I’ve finished work, I’m tired. And I’m not always in the best place to inject into a meal and the relationship. Right. So you know, I’ve been making decisions all that. So if I, you know, try to plan in, okay, well, we’re going to do some stuff in the evening, I don’t perform in the way and give the present to her, that I would do in the morning. So it’s one of the things, and the other thing for me is making sure I’m working out, making sure I’m doing stuff for me because, for her to want to be intimate, she’s got to feel connected. Still, I also get to bring confidence, playfulness and leadership, and fun and prioritize her to the relationship. So, I mean, what are your thoughts on that? On the idea of the minimum viable product to be in a rhythm? Rhymes everything to? Have you seen that in your life? Doug, do you see differently?

Doug Holt  16:02  

Hey, sorry to interrupt the show. I wanted to ask you a question. Do you ever feel like something’s just missing, like, there’s something more out there, and you just can’t put your finger on it? I get it. Go over right now to ThePowerfulMan.com/Bonus to discover the system that other businessmen just like you are using. We’ve included 10 case studies, ten men just like you who have found the solution and found their way on their path. But we want to share that with you and go over to ThePowerfulMan.com/Bonus right away. Now, let’s get back to the show. 

Doug Holt

No, I do. I do see it in my life. And you’re quick to ship right. As we say in business, right? You want to have, you know, the most viable product and get it out to the marketplace. But you’re also talking about what I hear in your talk is about Keystone habits. So we teach the guys, so one of the products you developed and then the other coaches kind of added their what I’ll call their magic on as everybody does, is the men’s chart of intentional living. We call it the coil right for short. But it’s the men’s chart of intentional living. And that has those Keystone habits. It’s almost like the 80/20 rule. What is the 20% of the outputs to give you 80 or, excuse me, 20% of inputs to give you 80% of the outputs going in through there? It’s a similar process. And I know what it is. For me, we’ve talked about this on a previous podcast, right for me in the area of health. The more flexible I am, right, as I’m getting older and getting tighter, which is hard to believe it’s possible, the more I want to work out and do other things in different areas.

Tim Matthews  17:49  

Mm-hmm. Yeah, it would be best if you thought of it like that, to be honest. But yeah, they don’t lead with the Keystone habits. Because the reality is, you know, as entrepreneurs, one of our greatest strengths is our ability to take things on. One of the greatest weaknesses is the ability to take things on talking about Yeah, and we can’t do it. All right, so if you wanted to paint this picture of having it all in the area of relationships, and, and you painted a picture that requires you to do so many things, it’s just going to be a challenging expectation for you to live up to. Yeah. So again, the Keystone habit is key. And that leads to my second point, you know, to make it easy or easier for yourself to have it all in all the five territories. Please keep all of those plates spinning, you know, have the rhythm as we’ve said, identify the Keystone habit, then have an operating system. Now, I get it. Honestly, I didn’t think of it as the trap of intentional living as I was sitting contemplating this morning. The idea that came to mind was those who well play it and write a play never go too far off the call. Well, he’s always, of course. But he stays within a boundary. Right. And that’s because of the GPS that it has. It has an internal GPS. And the way that you can lighten the load is obviously to have that internal operating system. That makes it easy. Right? And that is thinking about the tribe’s intentional living. One of the things I love about it because the Keystone habits are that they’re evident to see you match those with the Google Calendar because every demand and decision gets placed on you during the day. It’s almost like a filtering process. It filters out the rubbish.

Doug Holt  19:42  

Yes, exactly what it is, and that’s why it’s so powerful. You know, it’s designed for business for male business owners. And it does what it’s called on the chart of intentional living, right. We call it the coil and the podcast. We don’t explain what it is, but guys are going through the moon. have access to it, maybe we’ll put out training on this for the listeners or some people that they can get access to see what the chart of intentional living, excuse me, the men’s chart of intentional living is all about. But I think, you know, it is having those Keystone habits but also knowing like your Alpha Rise & Shine, like knowing that you, this is a need, right? This isn’t the brush your teeth category. Not get a massage category, or occasionally I will do this when it feels good. Now I do it. And I think part of what comes up for me in this conversation, Tim, is this idea that you need motivation, right, you need I need, when I’m motivated, I’ll do that. That’s not how motivation works. Motivation, this is proven. Motivation occurs when you do the action. Right, you do the action, I mean, how many of us, like, I don’t want to go work out today. Um, you know, you’ll get this later on in life. 10, but I’m sore, all of these things. But once you’re there, and you start working out, you get into it, right, you want to crush it, and you feel the groove, right. And the same thing with work. And sometimes it’s the relationships, you know, you like me, we have a partner that loves quality time. I can’t sit. Still, it’s like the worst thing for me to sit on the couch and sit and be. I don’t love it. I don’t enjoy it at all. 

They used to try to get stoic about this or get spiritual, and I needed to make myself calmer, or what have you right? Now, it’s not that I’m not calm; I don’t enjoy it. And it’s the difference between focusing on your strengths and what you’re good at and what you have, versus trying to fix a quote-unquote, weakness; I don’t see it as a weakness. Right. So when we go back to one of those little things like you do for Amelia, by spending quality time, you know that that will get you further in your relationship. You add those as a keystone habit. And eventually, it just becomes who you are and what you do. And this is bringing full circle back to, can you have it all? Well, the truth is, if you went back to Tim Matthews five years ago,    that guy didn’t have these things that you do naturally. Don’t think about it in place, and you’ve put them in place. As an example, You put them in place. And so you don’t think of it now you’re like, Okay, here are the other habits I’m putting in place. I’m not quite there yet. I’m using you as an example. But every guy can relate to this. Because we forgot how far we have come. We have as men, and as business leaders, we have an amazing gift of forgetting. Right? We forget what the goals were. It’s almost like if you ever go back and look at your goals list, if you’re an achiever from five years ago, you’re like, Oh, crap, I haven’t looked at this in a long time. Wow, I did that one. I did that one, and I did that one. You forget about it. Because you’re forward-thinking, setting goals in the future, and that’s where we can get thrown off with this whole work-life balance idea.

Tim Matthews  23:00  

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I agree. I agree; you make some great points. Again, it touched on so many philosophies, right, you know, living from the outside versus the inside out. When you start to live from the inside out and do Alpha Rise & Shine, having appreciation also does other things. In with it, you start to put yourself in a place where you were living for today, but also you’ve got a navigating system, through which you can make decisions and stay on track to be then able to tick all those boxes, you know, and you’re not going to you might not tick every box every day. But for the week, you’d be ticking them. And that, you know, the final thing that I was thinking about as I was planning this morning was the power of who you surround yourself with as well. Because if you surround yourself with other people who don’t believe that you can have it all. Maybe believe that it’s got to be one or the other. It’s got to be business or your relationship. It’s got to be your health or spending time with the kids. It’s no disrespect, but it’s kind of like a bit of a victim mentality as well, isn’t it right? It’s not taking ownership of your life. And creating what you desire based on your life and your outcomes. Being a role model isn’t empowering.  So anyway, the point being is enough for me. It’s there’s been times in my life when you doubt yourself. But I’ve been around guys like you and Arthur and other guys on the team and the guys in the movement. Just remind you that you see somebody having a when I just like the past few weeks in the guys posting that the workouts and how they’re doing and the results they get in those days when I don’t want to work out in my mind. Look at Tom, Tom on the bus, the power of it right, you know the power of being around other people that are not perfect, but have the belief that, hey, I believe it’s possible to have it all, I don’t believe it’s possible to be perfect, it’s not going to look perfect with me having it all, it’s not going to be imbalanced, there’s going to be a rhythm that I get to embrace and an ebb and a flow. But as long as I have a set of rules to live by and an operating system that complements those rules, and you know, I’m around the right people, too. I’m never gonna stray too far off track, kind of like the play. I’m always going to arrive at my destination. Yeah, I

Doug Holt  25:48  

Mean, this is I mean. It’s huge what you’re saying. This is why many guys, you know, stay in The Brotherhood after year one to year two, etc. You know, it’s because you’re some of the people you’re spending time with. If you look around, and all of a sudden, you start hanging out with a bunch of people. And all they do is, as soon as five o’clock comes around, they’re cracking a 12 pack of beer, they’re eating pizza, everybody’s obese. Statistically, you’re going to be obese soon. Conversely, if you’re hanging out with a bunch of people every time at five o’clock, these are the people you spend time with; they all go for a run, they’re going to run a five k every day. And then afterward, they’re going to have a healthy meal, and good conversation, some jokes, odds are you’re going to be healthy. The odds are right, and you’re going to be following the same thing. It’s just, and you’re the product of your environment more so than you even think, right. We all want to think we’re so individualistic. And I think that’s been the secret to my success. Tim, I’ve always been taught that early, right? I was taught that I think it was a first grade or no; excuse me, like fifth grade, my teacher had on the wall. I remember this is one of those things that’s cut out, you know, stationery, with birds, and really ugly if I remember it, but it said birds of a feather flock together. So choose your friends wisely. And I made fun of it back then. But I don’t remember anything else about that time in my life except for that quote. And as I got older, I started to strive to surround myself with achievers, right, not just achievers and money in business. But guys like Tom right Tom’s crushing with fitness. Who inspires you? Me? See, that’s on there, and many other guys in The Brotherhood are crushing it in their fitness. And people are commenting, and it’s motivating. And it’s the people you spend time with

Tim Matthews  27:42  

our coaches? Yeah, I know, just them saying sure is, you know, it’s kind of learning through osmosis. Don’t you grow through osmosis everybody else the conversations you’re in you see other people rise? So yeah, it was interesting cuz I didn’t know where this conversation was going to go. Honestly. I was again, I was thinking about this morning. Probably forgetting how far I’ve come, maybe how far we’ve also come myself. …easy to probably say as I reflect on this conversation now, the past few weeks this year have been such a whirlwind. So far, it’s crazy. The number of things that we’ve got done, we’ve launched a nonprofit, we’re developing a summit, it’ll go live soon. Tons of guys going into The Brotherhood one on one going to just. I’m not going to list everything because, you know, the problems bother listeners, but quiet American is fast. Man, it’s been great. I’ve loved it. And I’ve been in dual mode, a lot more than B mode. And the symptom of that is, for me, at least, I can sometimes lose a little bit of perspective and appreciation. And as a result, you start to feel empty by the first agony start to feel yourself getting a bit drained. It may be given a little bit more because you’re in a deal, right. Say Let me think I wouldn’t know what’s possible here. But yeah, you reminded me of a lot of truths. Believe and operate by, so thank you for that.

Doug Holt  29:25  

That’s why you keep me around. 

Tim Matthews  29:27  

right away, we just keep coming back. Great, the great attribute of yours. I’m sure it’s part of that astrology chart.

Doug Holt  29:37  

Human designs were different. Anyway, we can get into that later. No, I think it’s a great conversation, Tim and I think it’s a great thing to reflect on. I think all of us should. And it reminds me, you know, part of the thing that I love about being a mentor in the movement and being part of The Brotherhood, the inner circle guys this morning, the inner circle guys got together is it You’re in a conversation consistently with men who are bettering themselves, and their relationships and their body and their business and their abundance or spirituality, whatever it means to them. You know, we have Muslims and devout Muslims and devout Christians and atheists all talking about spirituality in an open sense. You can’t help but start thinking about yourself or the relationships, the struggles, right? It’s never easy for everybody, always. But the struggles and the guys are jumping in saying, Hey, here’s what I’m doing. And here are some ideas. When you’re in that conversation, it’s easy to have your relationship on fire because you’re surrounded by guys who are working on it. Hmm, right at a high level, and they’re working on themselves, just like you’re around somebody who’s inspiring your body, your fitness, right? That’s somebody that transformed their body and is still doing it and is doing it in a very fun way. It makes you want to do a little bit more, right makes you want to join in the fun. You know, and that’s an interesting thing, especially when it comes to, you know, coming upstairs and talking to my wife. I take these conversations with her, and we’re able to have deep conversations because the men I’m surrounded with are doing the same thing. They’re playing at a higher level. So that high level becomes your norm.

Tim Matthews  31:12  

Yeah, I love that.

Doug Holt  31:14  

Awesome conversation. Tim. Gentlemen, I hope you guys got something from this, too, as always. Go over if it’s your first time visiting us go over to ThePowerfulMan.com/Bonus, grab that Reignite Cheatsheet. If you’ve been with us for a while, look on and ask if you take something from this and you do the work, right? You apply it to your life, to better your life, not only for yourself, yourself first but also for your family and your community, as well as the world. All right, gentlemen, thank you so much. That’s a wrap for us. We’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man show.