Episode #643
What are the two ways to look at your obstacles in life?
Is it testing you to push you out of your comfort zone?
If you find yourself encountering some difficulties in your five territories, then make a choice to make positive changes because life is happening for you not against you.
In this episode, Doug and Tim talk about how to reevaluate your approach when you’re experiencing challenges in life and what you can do to reclaim your power as a leader of your family.
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Transcription
Doug Holt 00:01
Hey guys, welcome to The Powerful Man Show, where we help married businessmen save their marriages without having to talk about it, get unstuck and gain clarity in their lives. As I like to say, life is too short for average. I’m your host, Doug Holt with my co-host, Tim, The Powerful Man, Matthews. Now let’s get this started.
What’s up, fellas? Hope you guys are all doing well. We are back with another episode of The Powerful Man Show. Tim, how are you doing brother?
Tim Matthews 00:50
I’m doing great. I always love being here with you. These days are one of my favorite days, so I’m doing well. What about you?
Doug Holt 00:58
I’m doing excellent. My friend. As you know, we closed on what is going to be The Powerful Man official headquarters or compound. I call it the ranch. We closed on 106 acre property in the woodlands of Central Oregon at the base of a mountain. So, it’s absolutely an amazing location. And the goal with this, is and was, to have a headquarters where we could serve more men, right, help the community.
We have a nonprofit, Arm of the Powerful Man as well as the programs that we put on for men all over the world. And coming off of Cuba which we just got back from with over 40 men was an amazing trip, right? Guys getting their cups filled, learning and growing. And now to have a location, a facility that we’ll be developing to be the headquarters so we can serve more men around the world really fills my cup.
Tim Matthews 01:51
Oh, my cup [inaudible 00:01:52] Yeah, I mean, really fills my cup is a complete understatement. I don’t think I could find many words, the journey we’ve been on over the past. I mean, back in Costa Rica, when we had the Brotherhood event, we went scouting locations then, right? We found some really good ones.
Doug Holt 02:13
Sure did.
Tim Matthews 02:14
Chief came with us. He was there alongside us looking at them. King Arthur was there as well. And yeah, to think all the way back to then, to think about the vision, the dream we had a few years ago, right, of the impact to create with the men. And this is a major, major milestone, it would have been so much easier to shrink back and not step to the line, given the challenges and everything else that was going on.
And I’m really proud of us, you especially, like the way that you stepped up and showed up because honestly, a lot of it rested on you with it being so close to you as well. But regardless, I think there’s so many lessons over the past three months, even longer, but in particular the last plus three months. And I think it was very valuable for the guys to hear.
Doug Holt 03:08
Yeah, it definitely seems longer to me. So, I recall calling you one time or leaving a message, you and I communicate a lot back and forth via voice message because of the time zone difference, because of our lifestyles, that just works out for us. We’ve done that, what, for six years almost now or something close to that?
Tim Matthews 03:24
Yeah.
Doug Holt 03:24
And so it works for us. And one of the things I was talking to you about is in getting this property, guys, we’ve met what seemed like every possible point of resistance, right, from legal, financial, Tim being in the UK, me being in the States, entity issues, money transfer issues, all — you just name it, right? It happened. The realtors, just ugh, one thing after another.
And I remember leaving you a message saying, “Hey, man, like this seems impossible.” Right? We’re at the point of the crossroads of this transaction, where it seems impossible. People are telling — professionals are saying this is impossible, this is not going to happen. No way you can pull it off. Not your guys’s fault, right? There’s this legality or Tim’s in the UK and doesn’t have us credit or they don’t accept US Bank, whatever it was, it was just one thing after another and you know, the loan provider, what have you.
And I remember talking to you and saying, “Hey, look, there’s two ways we could look at this.” One, this is a sign from the universe or God that we shouldn’t go down this route, right? Every barrier, every time we get a barrier, we hurdle it, we go over it. Then all of a sudden, there’s another barrier, we go around it. There’s another barrier to entry, we dig under it. There’s another barrier and we blow it up. And then there’s another one. It was literally day after day after day, consecutive signs, if you will, or barriers to prevent us from doing this.
And then I said, “Tim, there’s a second thought process here, right, and we get to choose which one we want to do.” The second thought process is, this is God or the universe, challenging us, saying, “Hey, how bad do you really want this?” Right? And you and I, to our credit, chose to take that paradigm? Okay, this is a challenge, how bad do we want this? And you and I both left careers to do this work to help men around the world. And we’ve taken big steps and strides and risks and all that fun stuff to dedicate our lives and our legacies to this.
And so it became quickly, I love your response, it was almost a no brainer for you. It’s like, “No, this is a challenge. Let’s do this. Let’s rise up and let’s crush this thing.” And then we went to work. And even in Cuba, the guys that attended Cuba probably didn’t know this, some guys knew, Chief being one. Chief, hats off to you, brother. You were huge on this both as an anchor of advice and opinion, and just all around it, as you are aware. So, thank you, my friend, and going through this, but most men didn’t know.
And I was dealing with legal issues while in Cuba with no internet access really to speak of, documents that had to be signed. Next thing you know, they wanted you and I to show up to a US embassy with like four hours notice. And the US Embassy was even open, right? And they’re like, “Oh, we need you both to be there to verify your identities.” We’re like, “Come on, guys.”
Anyway, long story short, we made it happen. We made it happen. We made it work, despite what was coming through. And I think this is a lesson, right? A lot of times we go through life, whether it be in our marriage or anywhere else, saying is life happening to me or is it happening for me? Now if it’s happening to you, you’re a victim. And that’s — you and I could have easily chosen that path, Tim. Because it seemed like everything was FUBAR, right, this whole deal transaction was FUBAR.
Tim Matthews 06:42
Oh, yeah.
Doug Holt 06:44
Our heart was in here to help the guys. We saw this as a way to help more men. How do we help more men, because we help men, we help their wives. We help the men and their wives, we help the kids, the children. And that’s the heartstrings for me, right, getting the letters and the messages from the kids and the men’s. Men who are saying I’ve reconnected with my son or my daughter or my family. That, you know, if we can do more of that, I’m all in. And to see us take that path of life is actually working for me.
And here’s the catch, what most people don’t talk about, when you make that transition, and I recommend you do no matter what situation you’re in, you also have to put in the work. You also have to put in the work. This is not rubbing sticks together, chanting, hugging trees and just saying, I want to be rich or I want to do this or I want the ranch or whatever it is. You got to do the work to do it.
Hey, I want my marriage to be perfect, but I’m just going to rely on hopium and hope it works by itself. By some magic, my wife wakes up and all of a sudden she loves me again and wants to ravage my body. Not going to happen, boy. You need to put the work in. Yes, life and God are working for you. They want the best for you. Whatever you think. If you’re religious, it’s God, if you’re not, use the universe, whatever works for you. I’m not here to judge. That’s not the point of this. The point is making a choice.
Is the resistance you’re experiencing right now in your life in the five territories: self, health, wealth, relationships and business, is it working for you or is it working against you? Now, if you say it’s working against you, I can’t help you. You’re a victim. You’re a victim. Just admit it, get pissed at me, throw whatever you’re listening to at this. You’re calling yourself a victim. Guys, I talked to thousands of you and I know some of you are going, “Doug, you don’t understand my situation….” You’re right, I don’t. And I’ve done this enough times to know that you’re playing the victim card.
There’s real stuff that happens to a lot of people, but most of us are playing the victim card. Right? I’m guilty of it, Tim’s guilty of it from time to time, but we do our best to pull ourselves out of it. That’s why it’s great to have men around you. Like I’ve got Tim, I’ve got King Arthur, I’ve got Chief, I’ve got force of nature. I’ve got all these guys in the inner circle as well as other guys in the movement. And they’re going to call me out on it instantly, unabashedly, right away, if I go down that road.
Now, when I choose to have life working for me, and I put in the work, well guess what I’m doing today, guys? I’m going to an 106 acre ranch that we now own, that we are going to do a quote, “barn raising,” right? Men in the movement, we’re going to invite some men in the movement. And guys, if you are in the movement, and you want to be part of this, go ahead and reach out to me, let me know and I’ll give you some details.
But we’re going to build this property out together to be a place to leave legacy, a place for men to come, drop their baggage and figure out who — reclaim themselves to who they used to be, reboot themselves, get out there because they are — The men that come to us are leaders. Become the leader of your family, become the leader in your relationship, right, join the brotherhood of men that are doing this. We have men of all walks of life, all religious denominations. It’s not a religion what we do, this is a movement of men bettering themselves, movement of men who realize that life is working for them, and a lot of them want to give back.
So, what I’m going to do, Tim, and what we’re going to do is schedule a couple of what I’m going to call barn raisings, where we’re going to invite men to come on to the property, we’re going to have lists of things to do, we’re going to have fun, we’re going to do coaching, we’re going to do bonding, and we’re going to get some stuff done, right? We’re going to get some stuff done to make this a place, a sanctuary. I like to call it the ranch, but like a wolf sanctuary, if you will, of men who want to come. Some will enter as deer and leave as wolves. Some will come as wolves, and enter and leave as stronger men.
Eventually, we want to have a place where kids can come, right. We have The Powerful Father, it’s been designed by Mark Smith and Arthur’s worked on it. And as that comes out, imagine a place where men can show up with their children, and teaching young boys to be men and young girls eventually, to be leaders, powerful leaders in their lives. And that’s our vision. When your vision’s strong, guys, you can push through anything.
Tim Matthews 11:09
Yeah. The amount of resistance, just going back to the, I mean, if I would have been in this on my own, making this decision on my own, without somebody alongside me that was all in and running with me, I think it would have been a hell of a lot harder to maintain faith, then keep going, a hell of a lot harder. And I’m not saying like having Amelia by my side and doing that, it’s different. Playing at this level is different than the level she wanted to play at. I go to, as you did [inaudible 00:11:41] I had a ton of resistance from Amelia at various different points.
You, I imagine, a hell of a lot more at various points. Right? So, but that’s a testament to having quality high caliber men around you as well. Right? Even some people were saying to us, “Hey, look, every good deal’s going to die once. Maybe this is the deal that you’ve just got to let go. You just kind of let go of it. Just got to let go of it.” And we were like, “No, no, no, no, no.” And every time I mean, you reached a really amazing place of surrender earlier than I did where it just became laughable. Right? The hurdles and the challenges, it just became a joke because it was like, I have seen it all now. I literally, you surrendered control. And it was a really great place to be and to see you in.
And at the same time, to your point, when you see an outcome, a vision that’s exciting and scary and you’re pulled by it, it’s harder for you to deny who you are, and to deny the vision than it is to just let go and give yourself permission to go for it. And that’s when these challenges come up and you — to say no one to back down would be to lie to yourself.
Dough Holt 13:14
Yeah.
Tim Matthews 13:14
To be out of alignment. We often talk a lot about how the men, just the idea of the men in the movement holds us accountable. Right? How we act off this podcast, how we act when nobody else is watching. But for us, the movement is watching. We have a duty, right, to we’re not perfect by any means, but we do our best to live the message. It’s one of our core values, right? And as it, like you said, as a result of this, the lives that are going to be changed on those 108 acres over the years, the decades is incredible.
Doug Holt 13:52
Well, it is. And I’m excited. I’m excited to build this out with all the men in the movement. I look at this as ours, right. This is something that we work towards to get for the movement of these guys. It’s 106 acres. I’d like it to be 108, but it’s 106 as we go through. And it’s in an area that’s beautiful, it’s in a beautiful, beautiful environment.
And it’s first, as we had a couple of people on the property to kind of check it out to make sure it’s a good fit. The feeling, two of them happened to be women, said right away is wow, there’s a very loving and healing energy here. And it’s because that — it’s been a ranch and the ranch has been in a family for a very long time. You know, the family raising children there and it’s a very nurturing place. It’s a great family, a family that’s well-known in the community for being philanthropic for allowing kids and other people to come onto the property when they need a place. So, it has always been kind of a healing place, if you will, with a community focus and that’s what we want to have.
When you look at this though, guys, I mean, this is the journey that we’re on, right? We’re on a journey to help men just like you. And we invite you, if you haven’t already, to check out The Powerful Man at thepowerfulman.com, or get on a call with an advisor. Hey, look, we’ve done over 600, maybe 700 at this point, I don’t know where we’re at, Tim, podcast episodes. I’m looking, this is number 643, I think.
We’ve done a lot of podcast episodes, you guys can digest. We put this content out for free. So, you guys have a way of doing it. Now look, of course, we want you to join The Activation Method, right, we want you to have the opportunity that we’ve had, that hundreds of other men just like you have had, to a point being, when you’re looking at resistance in your life, you get to make a decision is that resistance you’re experiencing a sign of something that is for you, or something that is against you.
And I think this is really good whether you look at it in any of the five territories. Maybe it’s resistance in your marriage. That’s the most common one the men talk about with us. You know, you don’t go talk about it with your boys, you don’t go out down to the pub or down at church or anything else and talking about it. And a lot of churches, a lot of our guys, we have a huge Christian contingency within The Powerful Man.
We’re not a Christian organization, but we have an offshoot of The Powerful Man that’s been started by other men they call The Powerful Christian Man. And there’s lots of men in there that do that. And they’ll tell you, “Hey, look, I went through the church services, like a lot of churches will have groups that help you to fix your marriage.” And they’ll say, “Look, it didn’t work. There’s nothing practical there. This is what I needed. It aligns perfectly with the Christian doctrine.”
We’ll have guys that are Jewish and Muslims, they’ll say the same thing. It just happens that the majority of the men that join our movement happen to be Christians. Right? That’s it. And so they got to get to the idea of does this work for me or against me? Now, if it’s working against you, whatever resistance you’re feeling, again, I’m going to recommend that you are taking the victim route. Why is it against you? If it’s against you, that means it’s out of your control. If it’s working for you, that’s an attitude where you can make change, and you can adapt. Right? I literally had documents and dates changed.
And some of you guys that are big real estate investors, this is an old adage for some of you. And a lot of the guys that I talked to in the movement who are real estate investors go, “Wow, I’ve never even heard of that.” An example would be we had to move a large sum of money within two weeks, right? And I called to verify the date and they said, “Oh, no, do it today. It needs to be done today.” I was like, “I was like, what? When did that happen?”
Like we budgeted for Cuba, we budget all these things and we’re businessmen, so we had a whole budget and forecast and it was all good. We were going to hit the two week deadline that they gave us originally and they changed the date and didn’t tell us. I had to call them to find out just to verify the dates. And I guess that was a gut feeling, if you will, but I was kind of you know, checking and they totally changed it. And it wasn’t their fault. It was somebody else’s fault and the blame was always being passed around.
But almost every day for geez, three months or so it was like that, one thing after another. I have a family. I have kids, right? So, if I have to do that, now do I miss soccer practice, you know, what do I do? And Tim and I are committed to living the lifestyle that we preach, so you get to a point where you got to figure out, okay, if I’m going to say this is working against me because it sure as heck feels like that, then that feels horrible that drains me. Okay.
So, I start thinking guys, okay, if that’s — that energy doesn’t serve me to my highest level, it drains me, makes me less, and this is just a paradigm shift is all it is. It’s not like I’m pretending or being weird or being woo-woo. I’m just changing my paradigm, my viewpoint. When I say okay, this is working for me, I go, man, imagine the man that I’m going to be coming out of this. The level of complexity of deals that I’m going to be able to manage above and beyond what I’ve already done.
See, business deals for me are easier because I understand them. This was a real estate transaction. I’ve never done one to this level. I just never have. It’s two properties joined as one. There’s just all kinds of intricacies into this. I go okay, this is going to make — imagine the man that I’m going to be coming out of this if I take on the paradigm of this is working for me and what do I get to do? I did the same thing in my marriage. I’ve talked about this openly in previous podcasts. Right?
My wife and I separated. I went down to San Diego. I was on the beach, you guys maybe have heard this story before so I won’t bore you with it. But at a point running on the beach, I remember distinctly water splashing from the waves, hitting me in the face, salty air going wow. You know, is this going to make me a better man leaving or staying? Crap. Well, if I stay and really try to work this out, I’m going to become a better man. So, that’s good. My stock goes up.
Also, I’m going to be better in my next relationship if this one does not work, if I’m not able to save it. And that was a very real possibility for me, guys. It wasn’t like I was the only one with one and a half feet out, my wife was too. Like both of us had a big toe in the marriage at that point. And I thought okay, okay. Best case scenario, I become a better man, my wife become a better woman, and we ride off happily into the sunset as a married couple. Great.
Worst case scenario, I become a better man and better in my next relationship. I’ll choose those. I’ll choose that route. It’s harder, but I become better in every way. And it’s the same thing with this property, it’s the same thing with what you’re going through right now. But it results in making a mindset, making a choice, is the resistance you’re experiencing right now a sign for or against you?
Tim Matthews 20:30
Very well said. That’s powerful. Again, two episodes ago, maybe one episode ago we spoke about controlling the narrative, right? It’s a powerful question to ask. And I was there, watched you do this a lot. Again, brother, hats off to you. You lead from the front, and it’s what you do, and you step to the line in big, big ways, and I’m proud of you.
Doug Holt 20:57
Thanks, man. I’m excited. I’m excited to go to the property, Tim, have you get out here. And men, we’ve got great guys shout out to, you know, we got Jordan Box wouldn’t mind me calling him out. He runs a contracting business out of California. He’s going to fly here for a week. He’s more excited than you and I are about this. He sees the vision, it’s changed his life around, he wouldn’t mind me sharing that; completely changed his life, completely changed his marriage, his business is doing better than it’s ever done; all of those things.
He’s like, “Man, I want to fly out there,” on his own dime. I want to fly out there and I want to help you guys make this a reality. And he’s already putting designs together and all kinds of things. But guys, if you’re in the movement and you want to come to like an old-fashioned, well, I’m going to call it a barn raising. We’re not really raising a barn, but we are going to be putting up some buildings, but we’re going to be doing other stuff like changing lights and doing different stuff. You know, we’re building this out organically together.
Hit me up, I’d love to figure out if there’s dates that you guys want to make it if you want to be a part of this legacy that we’re going to be leaving on this planet of making men who are the leaders here better men. If you want to be involved and you’re already involved in the movement, let me know and I’m going to start putting together a shortlist over the next month or so. And we’ll have some fun. Tim, anything else from you, sir?
Tim Matthews 22:13
No, brother. No. I’m feeling very content and very happy.
Doug Holt 22:20
Awesome, gentlemen. So, again, the question I ask you is, think about something, some area of your life that you’re experiencing resistance, like that conversation that I left Tim, right. There’s two choices here. One, is you can consider that this is something that’s working against you, you certainly can take that path. And I know that things are tough, I really do. I know they are. And you have all the data to prove that it’s not you that’s doing it. I get it.
Or, you can change your paradigm, like Tim and I decided to do and say this is working for us. And now we get to work and get excited about the work you get to do. Embrace the suck as Tim said in a previous episode, get excited about it. When you’re excited about your energy shifts as mine is now. You get more excited, you get more energy, your resourcefulness expands, your vision expands. And from that place, guys, you can do anything that you want, truly. It’s going to take work.
And here’s the secret, most men aren’t willing to do the work. Most men are not willing to do the work necessary to get what they want. So, they won’t do it. If you have a story like I did, that you can out work and out hustle other guys, then do it for stuff that you actually want. Do it for your marriage. Show me that you can out hustle the ex guy by being better in marriage, being better in business, being better in your health. Right? Not in a place of struggle, from a place that world is working for you.
If you guys want help in actually getting your marriage to resolve, we can help you with the activation method. Get on a call with one of our advisors, it’s what we do. I think we’re the best in the world, I truly do. It’s not the only thing that we do, but that’s a big, big problem for a lot of us married businessmen. I know it was for me. I know it was for a lot of our guys, and we have data to back it up, time and time again.
So, guys jump over to thepowerfulman.com, get over there, get on a call with one of our advisors. There’s no risk, really. It’s just a matter if you take action, that’s all there is to it. Remember guys, life is working for you, but you also got to do the work. See you next time on The Powerful Man Show.
All right, guys, that’s a wrap for this episode. But as I always say in the moment of insight, take massive action. You see, there are two types of men that listen to a podcast like this, those that go on from one podcast or show to another just hoping things are going to change and realizing that they’re going to be in the same place month after month, year after year. You see, I was this guy so I completely get it. You may just not be ready. But there’s also a second man, a second man that listens to a show just like this. And this is a guy who takes massive action so they can shorten the learning curve, compress time, and get results to be the WOLF. See, WOLF is an acronym for Wise, Open, Loving, and Fierce.
Now ask yourself, which one am I? And just be honest with yourself there. And there’s no judgment on my end. But if you’re ready to move from deactivated DEER mode, which is Defend, Excuse, Explain, and React to activated WOLF, Wise, Open, Loving and Fierce, then go over to thepowerfulman.com/grow. And go there now. In fact, I’ll make it super easy for you. I will even put the link right in the description here so you can just click it and go over there now to learn more. Guys, in the moment of insight, take massive action. Go from deactivated to activated, because like I said, life is too short for average and I’ll see you on the next episode.
