Revisit: Why Your Wife Is Never Satisfied

Episode #580

“A woman is never satisfied and a lot of times, it comes up with an argument.”

Did you ever wonder why she’s never satisfied no matter what you do?

What is the missing element?

In this episode, we are going to talk about the things a woman wants – and something she really needs – in order to be satisfied. It’s all about how to fix your relationship when you’re always fighting. It’s time for you to take immediate action to make her happy and contented.

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Transcription

Intro: Hey guys, welcome to The Powerful Man show, where we help married businessmen save their marriages without having to talk about it, get unstuck, and gain clarity in their lives. As I like to say, life is too short for average. I’m your host, Doug Holt, with my co host Tim The Powerful Man Matthews. Now let’s get this started.

Doug Holt: My daughter says ‘daddy’, and I’m in the middle of a conversation with somebody else, and I don’t turn to her right away – She’ll start throwing food, she will climb up on something she’s not supposed to be on, she’ll go to an electric outlet that she knows she’s not supposed to touch. All these things that she’s not supposed to do, she does it immediately. Why? She knows daddy has to stop her. Now she has my attention, now she can get connection. It’s not the connection she originally wanted. It’s definitely not the connection I want. But it’s connection. What’s going on, man? Just my camera here.

Tim Matthews: What is going on? There’s a lot going on, as you know. I’m excited about the idea of coming out to the US for three months. As you know, a mind can throw up a lot of questions. I actually was talking about the osteopath this morning. I’m like, yeah I really liked the idea of it, but it’s just gonna affect my workflow. I’m gonna have to shift it around. I’m really enjoying it. And you know, I don’t want to get up and be working first. I want to go work out and you know, blah, blah. He’s like- it was great advice, to be honest. He was like, ‘stop. Stop, just stop. Like, whoa, listen. Get yourself there, and figure out all that stuff when you’re there.

Doug Holt: I love this guy.

Tim Matthews: I like it. Yeah, it’s great. And Amelia – check this out – when obviously, I was speaking to Amelia about it on… Monday night. So we got back from Leeds for the weekend, and… Yeah, she was- we’d not had a chance to speak to each other about it. This possibility came up last Wednesday. And anyway, we spoke on Monday. She said, ‘have you thought more about going to the US? How are you going to do it?’ I said, well, yeah, I thought a little bit about it. The first time I really got to think about it was on the way up to Leeds, on the drive. She said, ‘how do you feel about it?’

Honestly, I feel excited and a bit scared. She said we’ll, isn’t that exactly what you should feel when you need to do something?’ I was like, wise, wise. You know what? It is. And you know, when she said that, I just thought… I was really grateful for her, and the relationship we have, you know, for it to be so supportive and open, and for her to be encouraging me to do it because it’ll be three months, obviously, three months that we won’t see each other. Because she won’t be going. So, yeah, it was great. It really impacted me when she said that.

Doug Holt: So, are you coming?

Tim Matthews: Yes.

Doug Holt: Okay. There are some caveats in there. I can tell from your voice. All good, man. Well, we’ll talk about it over there, sure.

Tim Matthews: Yeah, the only caveat is the Alpha Reset I’m figuring out now with Alpha. That’s happening at the end of September. Well, in September.

Doug Holt: Cool. Sounds good. All good stuff. Well, Tim, you know, what I want to talk about today is something a little bit different than you coming to the United States, as much as the guys want to know more details about that. But something that happens for a lot of us men is, we get to a point where we’re just like, a wife is just never – or a woman – is never satisfied. Right? And a lot of times this comes up in an argument, you know?

So, I’ll set the scene. Not that any guy doesn’t know how this goes. But you’re sitting there and your wife’s picking at you, right? She wants to go on a vacation. She wants to go to Hawaii, which is a typical thing here in the States. And she wants to go. The family hasn’t been on a trip. And it’s kind of like you’re thinking, right? The guy’s like, ‘Ah, this is a stressor on my workflow.’ And he feels like she’s badgering him.

So, they go on a trip to Hawaii. They get to Hawaii, and they’re there, and she’s nagging him about something else. You’re going out to dinner, you’re on your phone. He’s frustrated. They get home, right? He gets back to work. He’s like, work has been piling up, so he’s getting after it. And she starts saying, ‘look, I want to go do this. I want to go do that.’ And he goes, ‘You’re never satisfied. No matter what I do, you’re just never satisfied.’

Now, this is a common occurrence in marriages and relationships, this type of conversation. It could play out in a lot of different ways. A lot of guys will say, ‘Look, no matter what I do – I take out the trash, I do the laundry, she’s never satisfied, no matter what I do.’ Or, ‘I hang out with her friends, we go out, she gets to go out with girlfriends, I got a maid, I got this, I got that for her… She’s just never satisfied.’

The truth, guys, is, she is satisfied in a lot of areas of life. The missing element isn’t satisfaction. What she’s really missing is connection. She is missing the element of connection with you. She’s satisfied when she goes out with her girlfriends. She’s satisfied when she talks to other people, she’s satisfied when she’s doing stuff around. She doesn’t feel connected to you, and she’s clawing back to try to get connection.

And odds are you’re not connected with her. You don’t feel it either. But she needs it. You want it. I’m with you. But she needs it. And because of that she is going to try different ways to get that connection. Maybe it’s the trip to Hawaii. Maybe in her mind, she’s got this whole thing that if we go to Hawaii, you’re gonna be putting down your work, your phone, you’ll reconnect, et cetera.

And it doesn’t happen as well as she was hoping, so she nags you – ‘Why are you on your phone? Why are you doing this?’ She has a vision. And you guys haven’t talked about it, in real depth, of what the outcome is for Hawaii, and what it should look like. Most people don’t sit down to have that conversation. I have learned in my marriage that I better sit down and have that conversation. My wife is on board too.

So, we know what those expectations are. Like this trip we’re going on, that we talked about. We’re going down to the coast. So I want to go, okay, what are the expectations here? What’s your vision for this trip? And my wife had a different vision than I did. Which was great to know and understand. Then, I shared my vision with her, which is obviously different from hers. And we met, we combined our visions to create something that we hope is going to be beautiful. But either way, the expectations have been set.

And the difference is, I learned a long time ago, when my marriage was struggling, that it wasn’t about my wife not being satisfied. See, I was providing all the things for her. I was going to all the events with her. But that wasn’t enough. So, I started doing things around the house. I didn’t do the laundry the right way, so I changed the way I did it. In fact, I started doing laundry before she asked, and I picked up everything – my clothes, her clothes. I did the dishes.

I talked about this before. Just crazy. I went off. And she was never satisfied. And I blew up. Here I am, bringing home the dough, so to speak, career is going great, three businesses at the time, all doing really well, and I’m off by 4pm. What freaking business owner who has one business is off by 4pm, let alone three of them? And I’m cooking, and I’m cleaning, and I’m hanging out with your crazy-ass girlfriends and their partners, which – some guys are cool, but some of them weren’t. And I was doing all this, and putting myself last, and you’re never satisfied. And what I realized, Tim, was there was no connection between us.

Tim Matthews: Three words. What do you think they are?

Doug Holt: It could be a lot of three words.

Tim Matthews: In this context: triad of connection. Yeah, I’m stood here listening, and I’m thinking, okay. There’s steps of connection. There’s different pieces. They’re all wrapped nicely into the triad of connection. ‘Live as a king’ system, for you to really stop being the nice guy, and just hanging out with her friends, and folding the clothes a different way, and just basically becoming a yes man to her in order to try and please her, but losing yourself in the process. And no doubt she feels that from you. Hence, ‘live as a king’ system. Obviously, you’ve got the validation piece, empathy piece, hidden motives, but also wiping that slate clean as well, because you can’t just make that shift without wiping the slate clean. It kind of feeds into the expectation, and that’s where the Clean Slate comes in.

Intermission:    Hey, guys, sorry to interrupt the show, but I want to tell you about a training that I just put together, that’s going to allow you to tip the scales in your favor, so you can stop arguing and talking about the past, and really move forward in a positive direction. It’s one of our key trainings that we do in the activation method, and it’s called the Clean Slate method. Now, if you want to get this for free, just go over to thepowerfulman.com/cleanslate. Again, that’s thepowerfulman.com/cleanslate, and you can get the free training. Now back to the program.

Doug Holt: Yep, 100%. And that’s what I did. Obviously, coming up with this. The key here is not the satisfaction, we also got to realize it’s all about connection. And the triad of connection, that’s what it is about. It’s allowing us men- We want that connection, but it doesn’t come naturally to us. Tim, you and I get into an argument, and we do, and we just come back, it’s no big deal. But for women, it’s a much more emotional experience, typically.

And if connection isn’t there, she’s gonna fight for it. It’s kind of like – guys that have kids. If you have young kids, you’ll get this. And if you have older kids think back because it happened. Right? When your kid wants your attention, they will commonly, if they didn’t get it right away, revert to doing something you don’t want them to do. So for example, if my daughter says ‘Daddy’, and I’m in the middle of a conversation or doing something else, I don’t turn to her right away, she’ll start throwing food, she’ll climb up on something she’s not supposed to be on, she’ll go to an electric outlet that she knows she’s not supposed to touch.

All these things that she’s not supposed to do, she does it immediately. Why? She knows Daddy has to stop her. Now she has my attention. Now she can get connection. It’s not the connection that she originally wanted, but it’s connection. It’s definitely not the connection I want, but it’s connection. So, you get to choose. And women in particular feed off connection. For you logical guys out there, you science nerds like me, look at this from an anthropological situation.

In  order to survive, women had to be in connection with other women, but also their man. If they weren’t in a connection with you, their life was threatened. Whether it be a saber-toothed tiger, whether it be another tribe, whether it be another man coming in to beat them and rape them. And if they were left with a baby on their own, without a man they’re connected to, a man who’s had sex and left, which even happens in today’s society, but different back then especially – now you’ve got a pregnant woman trying to give birth, without probably good shelter in the wild – She’s dead. The baby’s dead. You can hear the baby crying, there’s nothing to defend them.

She needs connection. And there’s brain chemicals – you have oxytocin, serotonin – I’m not going to go into all that for this one. There’s a podcast where we cover those in more depth, you guys can find that. But for you science-based guys, you logic-based guys, there’s real science behind this connection. And it’s not that she’s not satisfied. She’s not satisfied with you, she’s not satisfied with your relationship. It has nothing to do with the dishes. Nothing. It has nothing to do with a trip to Hawaii. Nothing. When I was getting connected with my wife, I could come home two nights a week and spend with her. connected and that was better than me coming home at 4pm and being disconnected every day.

Tim Matthews: Even when you there, if you don’t if you don’t bring that version of you into the door where you are… No pun intended, but powerful, you have that fullness oozing out of you, that playfulness, that cockiness, that leadership where you’re decisive, and you’re able to then be there and be present with her. If you don’t have that, then you may as well not be there, in many respects. It’s more damaging to be there and just be vacant, the light’s on but nobody’s home, then to come in two nights a week, but bring that fullness to the interaction. Because the more that she experiences that from you as well, the more that that’s what she starts to associate with you as well.

Doug Holt:  It’s exactly right. And that’s why we have the Decompression Protocol that we use. Look guys, we’ve been doing this for a long time, helping 1000s of men, and so obviously, this gets systematized over time, because it works. Right? Your relationship is different than mine. Your circumstances are different than mine. But there’s certain things that are the same. The basics are the same, just like car engines.

You might drive a Ferrari, I might drive a Maserati, Tim might drive a BMW, but there’s certain mechanics that are the same. The engines are different, but certain things are the same. And so, when you know those, you have your 80-20, that’s why we put the triad of connection together. We figured it out. Ah, this is how you do it. Great. It’s never been explained in a book before, at least not one that I’ve ever seen.

Most of these books and things are going to tell you to just suck it up, man. It’ll get better. Hey, do more around the house. You know, take your wife out and do something special. Get her really nice gifts and some flowers, and she’ll be great. That’s transitory at best. One night, maybe she’s happy. Maybe. Maybe two. But for most women, you take them out to that nice dinner or the flowers, and they see right through it.

They like it, so they’ll play along a little bit, but then you have the argument at dinner, and you go right back to where you were, and you’re sitting there at a dinner where you’re paying $300 for a dinner plus flowers, you got dressed up, you missed the game, all of these things, and you’re both pissed at each other. That sucks. Connection is what she’s looking for. Connection, and the right kind of connection, just like my daughter, she’s gonna get it.

Now, she’s not getting connection from you, positive or negative – guess what? She’s gonna go find that connection somewhere else. Maybe it’s with their girlfriends, maybe it’s the parents.Maybe it’s another man. She will get that connection. She needs that connection just like you need respect. As a man, we just need respect, man, that’s just the way it is. You need respect. I don’t care what level you’re playing at, you need respect. In your business , if staff disrespects you routinely, it doesn’t work. You need respect. She needs connection. It’s not that she’s not satisfied, and that’s just why you guys are going to each other’s throats. The key here, boys, is connection.

Tim Matthews: I want to highlight the triad of connection again, because the ‘live as a king’ system is going to not only… Part of the connection, the triad of connection is going to enable you to bring the level of excitement and adventure into the relationship. She craves that as well. It all forms part of the connection. She craves the nights in with you on the sofa where she’s just snuggled up and yeah, you’re just chillin.

She craves the sporadic random dates that you go out on, where you dress up. She also craves the random, spontaneous, adventure-filled dates, where you go and do axe throwing, or whatever it is. And all of that just becomes easy when you are coming from a place of fullness, living from the inside out. And you know, that’s why the ‘live as a king’ system is designed as it is. And if you imagine the triad of connection, at the base of it you’ve got the ‘live as a king’ system.

That is what holds up the triad of connection. And then the left side of the triangle is the hiddenmotivestechnique, and the right side of the triangle is the Clean Slate method. Those two do not work when they’re not used in conjunction with the ‘live as a king’ system. And that’s where guys get themselves into trouble, because they’ll start saying, don’t pull that Powerful Man bullshit on me.

Because you’re saying all the right things, but she feels that you’re just not there with it. Right? She senses it. It’s one thing using the hidden motives technique to validate your wife and connect with her, but do it while you’re going through the motions, versus using the hidden hidden motives technique and do it from a place of playfulness, and confidence, and fun. Two very different outcomes, despite using the same tool.

And the reason for that is because one of them has the ‘live as a king’ system at the foundation. So, guys, there is so much opportunity for you in this podcast, triad of connection or not. This is such a great topic to realize that she is craving a connection, right? Regardless of how you might be showing up, she is craving it. And like Doug said, she is going to get it one way or another. But the beauty of this is you have a choice in how she gets it. It’s in your hands.

Doug Holt: 100% 100%. So, guys, it’s not – it’s not that she’s not satisfied. She’s not satisfied with the lack of connection. It’s not you doing work, it’s not the trips, not the gifts, it’s not around the house. Those are symptoms of the real problem. And gents, those of you that are attending our next Alpha Reset, we’ll be diving deeper into this and giving you guys tools to go in advance into this. You guys already have the triadic connection, but we’ll be going much, much deeper at the Alpha Reset into this, so you can embody this in a big way.

Gentlemen, as always, you got an insight here. Take action. Write it down, What’s the next step? I’m going to do this. I’m going to go into the Facebook group, I’m going to make a phone call, whatever it is you’re going to do, take immediate action. That is like a snowball, the snowball effect. Don’t just listen to this and go on to the next podcast. I call that educational masturbation.

You’re getting off because you feel good about listening to something and learning something that’s spot on. I get it. I used to do it all the time. I can tell you from experience, I’m the guy that went down that road and said don’t go down this road turn around, go back the other way. The other way is taking massive action at the moment of insight. And that’s why I want you guys. Alright, gentlemen, that’s a wrap for us today for The Powerful Man show. We’ll see you next time. Until then, have an amazing week.