Episode #657
Are you familiar with the movie entitled “Sliding Doors?”
Are you making excuses to defend your actions?
Decision-making shapes your life because if you choose to work on yourself first, then it will lead to better results and you can improve your five territories. It’s time to make a decision and start taking action.
In this episode, Tim and Doug share why you should stop being reactive and what you can do to be more decisive as an Alpha who is Wise, Open, Loving, and Fierce.
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Transcription
Doug Holt 00:01
Hey, guys, welcome back to another episode of The Powerful Man Show! Tim, good to have you back in the seat, brother!
Tim Matthews 00:46
Brother, it’s nice to be here!
Doug Holt 00:48
It is. It’s nice to have you back. You’ve got an amazing trip with your partner, Amelia into Italy. And just awesome to see the communication and you practicing what we preach here. Also great to have some different guests on some different voices heard over time. So that was really fun. But you were definitely missed.
Tim Matthews 01:08
Yeah, had the team crush it?
Doug Holt 01:12
They do, they do. Or they did, I should say. And they still do, Timmy. But one of the things I thought was interesting in relation to you going to Italy, right? It’s your look, the powerful men movement, we run it like a business, it’s a movement of men. We have a lot of men throughout the programs, I think a top of my head, roughly about 1000 that are active currently, right now, I could be off in those numbers. So don’t quote me on that. I’m just going off my memory, as I’m getting older guys.
But we look at it. You know, oftentimes, as a business leader, and Tim leading the front of this is, you know, it’s easy to say, hey, we didn’t need to take time off, we need to travel, we need to spend time with loved ones. But there’s always stuff going on. And because what we do is truly life changing, right? We change the lives of not only the men that we work with, but also their families, their kids. And that’s something that’s near and dear to our hearts.
So it’s easy to push trips, you know, to next quarter next year, we’ll go to Italy, or whatever else it may be. And it reminded me of something that happened occurred to me, I guess why you are gone Tim? Is you know, my I’ve been very open about my wife and I having problems early on in our marriage. And look, we have promised periodically throughout our marriage. Nothing’s perfect. You know, the idea of show me a perfect relationship. And I’ll show you two people who are lying, right?
It just there’s there isn’t one. There’s ones that are you know, great for both people, but perfect. I don’t think so. So the point is, is I was sitting there one time, we’re at the TPM Ranch, the new Ranch that we got, and we’re walking around and the kids are running and jumping. So my kids for those listening. My son is six, my daughter’s three. So young kids, and they’re having a great time just exploring. And my wife is spinning around with just this huge smile on her face. And she looks at me and just tells me how much she loves me. It was just absolutely an awesome, awesome moment.
And instantly what reminded me of is a movie that came out gosh, I want to say the 80s or so called sliding doors with Gwyneth Paltrow. Did you ever see that Tim?
Tim Matthews 03:19
No.
Doug Holt 03:20
Okay. Well, the premise and again, I’m gonna get this probably wrong, too. I haven’t watched this guy’s in a long time. But the overarching premise is, you know, it’s about decisions, like every decision we make is like a fork in the road. And as I was sitting there, watching my wife, smile, and tell me how much she loves and appreciates me and all the stuff. That’s men, we’d love to hear, right? I remember when, you know, the whole idea of laying next to your wife and her being six inches away, but feeling six miles apart, so many men can relate to and what reason they could relate to it as I went through it. That was my life.
And now I get to have this passionate, loving marriage, which I didn’t think was possible. And so it was that idea of the fork in the road. And I was thinking to myself, like, wow, what would life be like, if I didn’t make that decision to invest in myself, I didn’t make that decision to go all in in my marriage. But I didn’t make that decision to go all in on me. And I remember that specific time I was down in San Diego and I’ve talked about this on the podcast before. My wife and I were in the throes of it were in the darkest part of our marriage. And I left I went away and I was fortunate enough to have clients of mine who had a house on the beach in San Diego Solana Beach specifically shout out to yogi who lives there.
And I was running on the beach. And I remember the water splashing against my face, you know, the salt ocean. And I remember myself thinking there you know, have I gone all in? Am I the best version of Doug Holt that I could possibly be? I remember that answer coming back. No. I was like crap. Is my stock as high as it could be? No. And as I was going through these questions, that’s when I decided right then in there that I was going to go all in first of all in on me making myself up under man, for myself, for my family, and hopefully to reconcile my marriage.
And I also realize that if I didn’t go on me and my wife and I most likely would split up and get divorced, and I would be moving on to another relationship, eventually, obviously, there’d be some heartbreak and all of those things when you, you know, go out love my wife, still, we just couldn’t seem to find each other, for some reason. Something often that she’d said is like, why two people love each other so much yet, we just can’t get along. ‘I don’t know’, would be my answer. So in that decision, that decided to go all in on me, I invested capital, so money and invested time in me, making that decision led me to that moment at the TPM Ranch, with a six year old boy running and exploring the woods, having the best day of his life, a three year old girl just going crazy in the woods as well.
And my wife, you know, in her 40s, smiling, like, you know, she had the greatest family in the world for her and thanking me and showing me that love that respect and that appreciation. But what if I didn’t make that decision? What if I decided on that beach, Tim, I’ve had enough, it’s her fault, she needs to change. I’m not changing, this is over, I’m going to go down to the bars of the club in San Diego, down to the Gaslamp district, or wherever else it is, I’m going to pick up on a woman who actually happened to know two trainers that were down in that area at the time, thought did cross my mind and going and meeting them. And I’ll go that route instead. What would have my life been like?
Well, I can tell you what wouldn’t be at the ranch. That wouldn’t be with this woman that I love smiling, looking back at me, with her love and respect and admiration arise that I hadn’t seen in a while. Right? Seen recently, but I didn’t see it back then. And remind me of that outcome, how decisions in our life really changed. So the movie sliding doors, Gwyneth poucher, there’s two versions of her: one of her steps out of a subway, while the other one is stepping in. And they’ve made that bent that those two versions of her had been to the same decision point in life, yet had made rather drastically the opposite decisions.
So this would be akin to me at the beach, saying screw it, I’m not going to work on myself or my marriage, or I’m just going to suck it up and hope things get better. Only to realize my life probably would have ended up in divorce. Or me that said, you know what, I’m going to take care of this side of the street, take care of Doug Holt, I’m going to become the best man I can possibly be, which, if you’ve met me, it’s still a journey, guys. But I’m gonna be the best version of me possible. And what those two life’s how different those two lives would have been.
And I also think about the men that come through this program, a guy recently in our client wins channel, you know, who just turned his marriage completely around in a matter of weeks. Just because he made the decision to join the activation method, the activation method is our flagship program, the activation method for relationships helps you save your marriage without having to talk about it, right? And really, it’s about getting that love, respect and admiration back in your wife size by leading the family. And also your trip to Italy comes into mind. Right?
It would have been easy for you, there were a few things going on for you professionally and personally. But professionally were things that you were running, you know, had a couple issues that would have been very easy for you to say, you know, I’m going to stabilize this for the movement for the men that come through that are near and dear to your heart, Tim, and you know, Amelia will go on that Italy vacation in the fall? Well, we’ll go on it next spring, or whatever else the excuse would have been. And that would have been completely justified. Right?
You would have all the justifications in the world for making that decision, as I would have had for not working on myself and my marriage. Yet you chose a different door, a different sliding door so to speak, that you walked through, which was, hey, I’m gonna do the best I can to have everything done before my trip. But when I’m gone, I’m gonna not gonna be checking messages as much I’m going to be out and I’m gonna be spending time with Amelia. And you had an amazing bonding experience with your partner, Amelia, that will probably never be forgotten.
As these decisions that I bring up that I think about often and I thought about while I was walking through that ranch, how many of these decisions come through our lives? How many guys are listening to this right now? Who either stuck in business they’re stuck in their personal life and unsure where to go. They’re stuck in their marriage, yet. They are paralyzed as I’ve been with taking massive action.
Tim Matthews 09:52
Great story really gets me thinking. I’m sure it does with a lot of the listeners too. The thing that comes to mind for me when you’re speaking about this, Doug is the idea of reflection, right? Where we give them in the coil to the chart of intentional living, and the ARS and everything that goes with that because it’s all about these moments to reflect right in tech stock. And so many of the guys that we work with when they come to us, they just don’t have any of those practices, or very few of those practices in their life. And as a result that constantly on the path of fast run, run, run, run, run, busy, right?
The mind is constantly going, but it’s certainly when you’re able to take yourself out of the situation like you did to Solana Beach, to have that space really asking yourself some really great questions being honest with yourself reflecting that you’re able to come up with a really solid authentic insight really. When I suppose those questions you’re asking yourself and the insight that you get that then enables you to make the decision that creates a trajectory of your life whereas so many people and I’ve been guilty of this in the past too and you know, I’m not perfect. Sometimes I fall into it from time to time they react, right? You respond it so many people react, they react to what’s going on in their environment.
And you know, the reaction would have been to go down to the Gaslight districts I remember when I was in Sunday, I think is it called the Gaslight district?
Doug Holt 11:40
It’s the Gaslamp.
Brad Holt 11:42
Gasslamp, Classic Gaslighting. Link guys that avoid that place and women. If it was called gaslight anyway, so yeah, look, that would have been a reaction, right? That would have been the easy, reactive thing to do. Hey, fucker, quite frankly, I’m gonna go down there. But I think the other key thing as well, is maybe there’s no tie to this. But I think the fact that headspace you’re asking yourself great question. So this period of reflection. And again, those periods of reflection, whether it’s it doesn’t have to be you take self out for a week, the Alpha Rise and Shine. A stands for attune, L stands for learn hitch on your body. Sorry, P plenty there hitch on your body accelerate, if I said that in the right order.
But Anyway, point being is through following the ARS you get those moments of reflection, through reviewing your week and having the coil score, you get those moments of reflection, he kind of bigger moments of reflection as well, where you put yourself in the right space to respond and make the right decision. But the other thing I was gonna say is a big thing for you is working out as well. Right? When you’re working out helps to fuel that space that you’re in is for me too. And a lot of the guys we work with, when you’re working out helps you to be in a more grounded space, which again, helps you to respond versus react.
So the idea of DEER versus WOLF, right, you will be very wise up and loving and fierce. And as a result enables you to take advantage of the sliding doors to create the trajectory of your life that does result in you being able to sit at the ranch with Aaron and the kids taking it in. Right? There’s been many, you know, I’ve known you journey over that past seven or eight years, it’s been a hell of a one, right? There’s been many sliding doors. And every time there’s been these opportunities, you’ve responded in a really great way.
Doug Holt 13:45
Yeah, thanks. Yeah, a couple things when you know, you’re talking about here, you know, I didn’t take myself away to go reflect, right, I took myself away because my marriage wasn’t working. I use that time to reflect and work on myself. But I was also still growing many businesses. That time, I think I had three businesses top of my head, knowing me, I was probably working on starting the fourth or fifth. But I was working on them remotely. And I would say these are more like what we call downloads, right?
You know, people would call them you know, if you’re Christian, you call it a message from God. You know, these were things that just came to me as I was running. Right? The voice seemed to come out of nowhere, like, hey, am I being the best version of me? You know, I could possibly be? No, it’s like, Whoa, where’d that come from? Like, Okay, that’s fair. It’s honest, too. And I think what happens to him and I think in that I was in Deer mode before that, which was I was defending my actions. Right? I was reacting to the situation with my wife was making excuses that I was explaining to anybody that would listen on what she needed to do.
In order for us to get back to cheap out real Lyons, how amazing I am. I own multiple companies, Santa Barbara, California, doing all these things. I was athletic, I was still playing competitive soccer at the time, my version of competitive let’s just be clear on that, you know, all these, you know, if you had a list a checklist of things that guys should be doing, I was doing GM and there were a few things I was faltering on. There’s no doubt about that at all. However, it lets you know, it was my story, I was defending myself. So that checklist was definitely skewed but hindsight is always 2020. And we talked about the decisions we make some of you guys listening to that read this right now or at a at an impasse. Right, you are at a fork in the road in one of the five territories.
So as a reminder for you guys, the five territories ourself, how are you taking care of yourself? How are you filling your cup? Are you going on that guy’s trip? Are you going if you’re in the Brotherhood right now, guys, listen to Senator brotherhood. Are you going yet to the next brother that trip or not? Because work so hard? And I got these things going on? I got those things going on? Do we all have stuff going on? Are you taking care of yourself? What about your health? You know, what about your health? Are you actually going for it? Or at least trying? Wealth relationships? Are you stuck in your marriage? Are you at a crossroads where you’re thinking, hey, we’re at the verge of divorce, yet you’re not doing anything about it? Or what about your business?
Are you stuck with business growth is plateaued, you’re not sure what’s going to happen, or the fourth turning or whatever else it is, but you’re not taking massive action. And that’s what I’m talking about. So we have these moments of decision every day. Right? The one I’m talking about, for me, it was a big one. And I could look back at it here this many years later, so many years later, and go, Wow, I made the right decision. Right. Like, this is amazing. This is the marriage I’ve always wanted. This is the lifestyle I’ve always wanted. And now I’m living it. I’m living it because even though it was difficult, it would have been much easier to go sleep with those other women that I knew that were in San Diego at the time, not to say I could have because maybe there was said no, but you know, to pursue that we’ve been easy.
It was hard to say okay, even though I think my wife has a lot of imperfections and things she needs to change, I’m going to turn that light 100% on Doug 100% on myself, and I’m going to work on me to be the absolute best no argument, man husband that I could possibly be. I’m gonna strive for it. So that you know, the time I pick after 30 days, I’ll be perfect. And if I’m not perfect for three days, I’ll start over. Right? And then then it’ll be very clear that it’s time to leave. And guess what happened, I turned my marriage around, took a lot of work, the powerful man didn’t exist back then.
And since then, we’ve been able to do it successfully for 10s of 1000s of men, men just like you that have been through our programs or have listened to the podcasts like you are or have used one of our webinars or something that’s allowed them to have the tool sets to turn their marriage around, turn their businesses around. Because when you start with self, it starts with that decision as a man that I am going to take care of home base me. I’m going to start here rather than blaming external factors, your wife, your business, the economy, politics, whatever else it is. It starts with you. And it starts with you making a decision.
Now if it’s your marriage, right now, we’re running the powerful man, the activation method for relationships. Right, it helps you save your marriage without having to talk about it. Get the love, respect and admiration back in your wife sighs that’s what it’s designed to do. I’m learning an Alpha Reset for guys that just did that. I have nine men flying here to where I am from around the world to take on the next step of their journey. Why? Because they’ve been called to their owning their side of the street. They’re becoming a wolf, not a deer wise, open, loving and fierce.
If you’re watching this on Spotify, or YouTube is the image right behind my, my shoulder. If you’re listening to this, I’m pointing to a picture of a wolf right now. Right? That’s what it’s about is that wisdom now that I’ve argued that wisdom didn’t necessarily come from me. It came from some outside source that thank God shook me and said, “Hey, man, you’re complaining about your wife and the circumstance you’re in. But what about you”? Anyway, we’ve been really easy to not do it just like would have been easy for you not to go to Italy.
And what I’ll ask you guys is there’s a decision right now and every moment there’s a series of decisions. Decision, whether you’re focusing on this podcast or you’re multitasking decision whether you’re going to jump on a call with an advisor at the powerful man, or you’re just going to wait because that’s not the right time. I’m not sure whatever it is. These are the decisions that shape our destiny, they shape our life? Those are the things kind of that idea that, you know if you’ve ever met somebody or just ran by them randomly and met him at a coffee shop or something, you know what if you were just 10 minutes late, you would never have met him.
But yet you met this person, it just changed the whole trajectory of your life. That decisions in front of you guys right now. Now, I don’t know what area it is. For most of the men listening, it’s in the area of their marriage. Do I go all in? Or do I not? Do I take responsibility? Do I blame my wife? I that’s victim mode, by the way. Do I get in on a call with an advisor? Or do I keep lone wolf in this and hoping something’s gonna work out for me? These are all decisions choices.
And when I met with these, Tim, the thing I think of is, what would Doug 20 years from now or 10 years from now? What decision would he’d want? And 9 times out of 10, it’s he want Doug to take the action. Take the scary action, the one that feels a little bit uncomfortable because that’s usually the right one. That’s usually the one that gets me the results I actually want in life.
It’s like working out man, my kids. I got your long young kids, like I said, and I got through the baby monitor my kid. We saw baby monitors for my three year old my six year old. And I’m hearing ‘Daddy, Daddy, I’m scared, pull myself out of bed’. I’m sorry, gosh, not again. I go up to his room. My son’s there. He’s scared. This little guy. You know, I could be a jerk dagger is nothing to be scared of go to bed. He’s a little dude, that’s actually scared who’s turning to his father for love and protection. So I climb into his bed and roll over. Not a cuddler. I lay with him till he falls asleep. That’s a decision. I’m tired.
Next decision is, man, I could justify skipping my workout. I could justify just taking naps today. I could justify calling Tim and saying hey, man, I was up all night with my kids again, I can’t do this podcast. I can’t do this show. You know, I just I gotta take a nap. I gotta rest today. It’s not good. I have high cortisol levels. You know, not enough sleep. All the studies show that you need eight hours of sleep. I got about four. All excuses guys. Or I can embrace it and make a decision to do it.
And if I’ve touched one of you guys of Tim’s touch, one of you guys are giving you an insight during this podcast and I’ll tell you what, it’s worth it to me. It’s worth it to me. These are all decisions we make. And all the decisions are going to be hard. But you get to choose your heart. Which heart are you going to take? Are you going to take the heart of just hoping things get better in your relationship in your marriage? Or your business for that matter? Or are you going to take massive action today?
If you’re already a member of our community, reach out post in our private community what’s going on for you. You have brothers who have your back. If you’re not in our community yet and you’re struggling in your relationship, we’re starting a new group for the activation method for relationships coming up. It’s only nine men are allowed. Right? We cap it. It’s no joke and ask anybody that’s been through our program.
In fact, you can go over to the powerfulman.com And you can look at the results page where men just like you posting their but their experiences with the program. You could just get on a call right now grab your phone email vip@thepowerfulman.com and set that up. It’s easy guys, we’ve made it so easy to remove the barriers for you. But you have to take the action. You have to crawl out of bed, you know, in the middle of the night so to speak and get with your son and then still get up in the morning and do the podcast still go work out and hack take a nap to honor yourself. Tim?
Tim Matthews 23:59
Even flow brother there’s nothing for me now.
Doug Holt 24:04
I’m passionate about this man like we have so many great guys like the bear and amuse their nicknames. And Yogi comes to mind right? Like you know, we give the guys nicknames. After the Alpha Reset, we don’t want to use their real names on the podcast just for you know, sometimes we slip because we love these guys. But seeing these men and just as hundreds of men and talking to them in the cards I get personal letters that I get from men that have just thanking because it’s changed their lives and changed their marriage their lives of their wives. Right?
They’re seeing their wives with like energy again in their eyes and by vibrancy. What man doesn’t want that to see the woman they love, just excited and passionate. Like I did like my wife spinning around and almost being in this feminine energy was so beautiful. When gosh, I can remember when she was so masculine and stuck. And it was all because of the way I was showing up the time. I didn’t know that The time I wouldn’t have expect accepted that if someone told me, but I see it so clear, I want the men listening this to have that too. I want them to make the decision or have the opportunity to make the decision that will forever change their life, the life of their wives, the life of their kids, and their family history forever.
But it starts with making a choice. And it starts with taking action against sliding doors. I might watch that movie again. I don’t know, I don’t remember if he was even good. I just remember the concept, right? The basic concept of what if there were two of you out there, right? Quantum was in quantum physics talks about this, there’s two of you out there. And at that moment of decision, that moment of insight, one of you decides to take massive action, like I always tell you to the other one doesn’t. Think about that, what are the life’s going to be like for those two people, I can almost guarantee the person who takes massive action, even if it’s the wrong action, that person’s life consistently, if they’re doing that is going to be incredible.
And the person who’s just working on hopium, and waiting and I’ve been there, their life is going to be one that’s controlled by others. They’ll be blaming people, they’re going to be the old man at the end of the bar, having a cocktail telling stories about high school football or something that nobody wants to listen to the obligatory Christmas card. Be the opposite guys. If any of this has a moment of insight for you, I encourage you to take massive action, it’s in the air of your relationship. We’d love to in your business man, I’d love to talk to you about the activation method is the right fit for you.
That’s just getting on a call with one of our advisors to short conversation, to see if it’s the right fit for you. The rest of you, if it’s a business or another area, take massive action and see what to do if you’re in our community. You are well, well taken care of got to post something in there. And men will be therefore, gentlemen, again, a moment of insight take massive action. We’ll see you next time.
