Episode #570
What are the qualities of an attractive man?
As men, we’re conditioned to be so focused on work, but what can you do to live a happier life and thus become more attractive to your partner?
In this episode, Doug and Nanette share some tips on how to lead yourself and what to do to become more attractive to your partner.
TRANSCRIPTION
Doug Holt 00:01
Hey guys, welcome to The Powerful Man Show where we help married businessmen save their marriages without having to talk about it, get unstuck, and gain clarity in their lives. As I like to say life is too short for average. I’m your host, Doug Holt. Now let’s get this started.
Doug Holt 00:48
Hey, guys, and welcome back. As you can see, if you’re watching this, we got our special guests back. Nanette, thank you so much for being here.
Nanette Dib 00:56
Thanks so much, Doug. So happy to be here.
Doug Holt 00:59
Yeah, we had a great response from your previous episode. And guys, if you haven’t had a chance to hear the other episode, then go over to thepowerfulman.com/podcast, and you can find it there. This topic today is ‘what makes a man attractive to his partner’, and we’re gonna get a woman’s point of view today. So I thought today I would throw out a few ideas from what I hear from the women and the wives as well as the men and that you can give let me know if I’m way off base with what you’re seeing as well.
So the one thing that I consistently hear from the wives of the men that come through the program is something that makes a man attractive to his partner is a man that is growing. So a man that is continuously growing and improving upon himself. And the analogy that I use when I’m talking to the guys is that when you got married, your wife looked at you, like a stock, like something you would invest in. And what she saw in your eyes and who you are, was the trajectory of growth that you were going to have within your marriage or relationship. And you as an individual man on your own journey. And over time, what happens is a lot of men stop investing in themselves. You know, I’m not just talking about financially, but in their own growth. And it’s as if their stock starts to plummet and go down, and their wives are watching and looking and going, come on, ‘When is this gonna grow back to where I thought it would be?’ And it doesn’t happen for a lot of men. And so when a man takes action and starts to grow on that trajectory, again, he starts to become more attractive to his partner. Do you find that to be true?
Nanette Dib 02:47
Yeah, 100%. You know, a lot of guys, though, they do get stuck in focusing on growing when it comes to work, but then they’re forgetting their personal life as well. And that’s sometimes where it gets tricky, because they think that they’re doing great because they’re doing well at work. And that’s the main focus, but then they forget that there’s, you know, more things to life than just work. So that’s also a big thing that I hear a lot.
Doug Holt 03:13
So you mean you can’t just say ‘I do’, get married, and then just forget about the relationship?
Nanette Dib 03:20
Exactly, and may men think, ‘well, it’s okay because I’m providing her with everything she needs money-wise.’ And that’s not enough.
Doug Holt 03:30
Yeah, there’s more to marriage or to a relationship or more to somebody’s life than just finances. And I think what happens for a lot of us men, and I fell into this too, is you get married, and you’re kind of like, okay, check that box, that thing is solved. We’ve said I love you, I don’t have to revisit this again. Now I gotta go out there and conquer these other areas. And just like business, just like investing, where you would consistently be sharpening your saw, and getting better and better, you need to do that for your marriage too. Yet, a lot of men forget to do this within their personal relationships.
Nanette Dib 04:03
Exactly, and then it just becomes routine where they just go home, maybe have dinner with the family and then go to bed and go back to work. And they’re not really working on themselves when it comes to the relationship.
Doug Holt 04:33
So from a woman’s point of view, when you see a man who is working on himself is working on his relationship, and is trying to better himself not only for himself but also for his family, what do you see when you see that happen?
Nanette Dib 04:54
When you look at other people’s relationships and you see that they have a really good relationship, it’s usually because the man is working on himself. He’s constantly trying to be the best version of himself. And everyone can see that because he’s not just doing what work he’s doing well, in social settings, he’s doing well with the kids, he’s even doing well within himself. He’s got hobbies, he’s happy, he’s in a good place, and you can feel his energy. And then you see that that is also making his wife so attracted to him. They’re happy, and you can feel it. You can tell it’s not a fake happy where they’re just pretending to get along with each other. You can feel the energy between them because he’s in a good place. And she’s bouncing off of that. I love it.
Doug Holt 05:43
So you’ve already given these guys a couple of other points of view, but I’ll break it down even further from a man’s point of view what you said, because I know I’ve been on both sides of this coin. And what I mean by that is that I’ve been in what we call a deactivated mode as a man, where you’re conquering everything else in your business life, but your marriage and relationship aren’t working. And I’ve also been on the activated side.
So one of the things you said that I thought was great, that makes a man attractive is also, I’m going to call it his leadership within the room within a family. Right? When a man takes the leadership of the family and leadership of himself, the woman often will follow that lead, assuming he’s not being a jerk, of course. So guys, when I say taking leadership, it’s not being a jerk at all. It’s you leading by example and leading energetically. Is that true?
Nanette Dib 06:31
100%. Exactly.
Doug Holt 06:34
So guys, what we’re saying is when as a man, you start to invest in yourself, your stock starts to go up. Then when you take leadership from a place of love and self-control, right, self-control of yourself, not control of your wife, that’s not what we’re talking about. A leader leads, and people choose to follow a good leader; they don’t feel they have to follow that good leader. So when a man leads, the woman is feeling safer within the marriage. And she’s more interested in being along for that ride. Thus what happens for us guys, this is great for a lot of you guys over 40 or so is a woman who often said a guy looks better. And he didn’t even have to do anything physical, guys. That’s the coolest part about this whole deal.
Nanette Dib 07:21
Exactly, because the energy just changes everything. And you just start seeing that person in a different light when they are just working on themselves and in a good place. It shows in every aspect, even in the way they’re playing with their kids and the way they’re talking to people. When someone is working on themselves, they’re also working on the idea that life is short, and we have one life to live. And we should be making the best out of it and not getting stuck in ruts and have a boring life. No, when he’s working on himself, he’s doing things that make him happy and he realizes how important it is to fill his cup, and enjoy it with the family and make memories with the family.
Doug Holt 08:21
I love it. Nannette is an advisor with us, so gentlemen, if you’re looking to find out if The Powerful Man, The Activation Method is the right fit for you, we have an application process. It’s for business owners and executives only. And she is one of the people that you may talk to, just to make sure that it’s the right fit for you. We don’t just take anybody. We want to make sure it’s the right fit and that we can actually help you. And I say all that because we’re in a Slack channel together in what’s called Client Wins, where we literally celebrate all the wins of the guys. And recently, someone posted, I think, this morning because there are so many posts coming through there that a guy’s wife had moved out; she’d taken the kids, he was home alone, and he started doing these things for just three weeks if I’m not mistaken. And his wife surprised him by bringing the kids over, and he maintained this energetic state, right? He was working on himself, he was developing himself, and he was leading himself. It was so obvious to his wife, energetically which is really important to women more so than it is to us guys. And as his wife was leaving with the kids, she turned to him and said, ‘Can we come back and move back in the house?’ And this is only after three weeks of being in The Activation Method and applying all he’s learned so far.
Nanette Dib 09:35
I know. I read that this morning and I was in tears because it was so beautiful. I thought it was amazing how as well he had said that he had started taking care of himself. He had started doing the work even though he was in a really bad place and had no hope. But he was still listening to the coaches who showed up doing what he needs to do within the program and the movement and all a sudden out of nowhere she just showed up, it was amazing. It was like he was ready. He was doing everything he needed to do. He had just had a haircut, he had cooked an amazing meal for himself. He was doing everything for himself, and it’s like, she felt that and just showed up out of nowhere, saw the changes, and saw that wow, like, this man is serious. He is doing the work, he is bettering himself, and she just wanted to be a part of that. She stopped him on the way out and said, Can we come back? That was amazing to hear.
Doug Holt 10:38
Yeah, brought tears to my eyes, too, or as a couple of us say, my eyes get sweaty. So guys, what we’re talking about here is where a lot of men that tend to think, ‘Oh, I’m gonna wait and hope it gets better.’ This man didn’t. He took action. And that’s what we’re saying. He took leadership of himself and his family, and his wife fell right in line, so to speak because they wanted to be there. And he wasn’t doing it with needy energy. He was doing it to fill himself up. He recognized that these tools work.
Nanette Dib 11:12
Exactly. He had to save himself. And they weren’t even living in the same house or anything, which is something lot of guys will bring up. They’ll say ‘but we’re not living together, how is she going to know that I’m doing the work?’ But look, when this guy was finally doing it, and he was finally accepting and taking the steps, she just showed up! It’s crazy.
Doug Holt 11:31
Yeah, I mean, every business leader knows that quote, ‘luck is really when opportunity and hard work meet together.’ That’s exactly what happened to him as he put the work in. He’s making changes for himself at that point because he thought, hey, the marriage is over. She had moved out, she had taken the kids, and it was done. But he continued to do the work, and boom, we see this so many times. It starts with you making that decision and taking that leadership role.
Nanette Dib 12:04
Yeah, honestly, a lot of guys find it hard to believe that, and doubt it. But then when we see the success stories, the client stories were like, wow, look, see, it works. And he did it. And it’s just amazing to be on the other side and see that it’s just really unreal.
Doug Holt 12:22
It is. Well, a third one that I’m gonna throw out there as the most obvious of all of these, but maybe not for the reason that guys think. The third one is when guys start working out and eating well, and taking care of themselves. And what do you know, they start to look more attractive to their wives. We’re not saying guys need to have a six-pack necessarily. Sure, your wife may want you to, and maybe it’s a nice thing. But that’s not really what we’re talking about.
What I hear so much from the women, and as a guy that used to own a private gym myself, I could hear the conversations throughout the gym into my office, and I would often hear the wives that were in there when their husbands started to exercise. When it ended, it was really not about the way that they looked physically. It was the fact that they were taking care of themselves, their stock was going up, it’s on the rise. And the woman often would talk about how hot and how sexy that was for their husband to be doing. Which led, of course, to more intimacy. The guy starts feeling better about himself, and she’s looking at him differently, and these things can go hand in hand. So tell me about that. As far as a woman’s point of view goes.
Nanette Dib 14:10
Yeah, 100%. It makes a huge difference when a guy does start taking care of himself, whether it’s from the inside, and from the outside. We don’t talk about it too much, but even on the outside, you need that attraction. That’s the first thing that probably attracted you to your partner. And along the years, people let themselves go, they get busy, but when you see that this person is taking care of themselves again, you can wonder ‘Oh, who are you trying to impress?’. She sees that he’s trying to better himself and that he’s taking advantage of what he’s got. Health is wealth because it’s not just going to show in the appearance, but it’s just in everything. When you’re taking care of yourself, you know, working out and eating healthy, it makes a huge difference. And women can see that, and they’re attracted to that. And it’s, like you said, building up on your stock, getting your stock higher. And just, it’s attractive for women to see that.
Doug Holt 15:31
I agree. So guys, we’ve given you three so far, and I’m gonna throw a fourth one out, and I’m gonna ask you, Nanette, for the fifth one, I know I’m putting you on the spot. I might be taking yours with my fourth, but the fourth thing that you can do to be more attractive to your partner is be decisive. This is something we hear as a complaint from the women all the time. What you guys probably don’t know is that we have a lot of women that listen to this show, or watch the show on YouTube. And we also have women that will just write into us and tell us what their situation is. And one thing that we hear often is that men during their lives stopped being decisive. Thus, the woman has had to be decisive and make all of the decisions and often goes like ‘Look, I’m taking care of the kids. I’m making decisions about the schools, I’m making decisions about lunches, I’m making decisions about clothes for the kids, I’m making decisions about doctor’s appointments, and all of these things. And I would just like my man to come home, and be decisive about other areas of our family and our life’. She is wanting you to be desicive, cooperatively, of course, don’t be a jerk, but being decisive, so that she may surrender and relax.
Nanette Dib 16:39
Even if it’s for date night. Be decisive and say, ‘hey, I know you’re in charge of all these things. You’ve got the kids ready for school, you’ve made these school decisions, you’ve made these house decisions.’ But sometimes the woman is also expected to make the date decisions. And I feel like, that’s like just so much. It’s like, well, what are you doing? It’s so nice for a man to come and be like, ‘hey, you know, I’ve called the babysitter, she’s coming tonight, we’re gonna go to this place you like’. This is where it’s nice to have that for her to then just finally not have to make a decision and for her to just go along and enjoy it for once when she’s having to make all the other decisions while he’s at work. He’s got his work decisions. She’s the one doing the house decisions, the children decisions, obviously, you know, they talk about it, but she’s the one that does have to make the final decision. And the small things all come down to the wife. So then it’s such a nice relief, when the man will come and say ‘Okay, we’re doing this tonight’, or even that little thing of deciding what restaurant or deciding what we’re eating what we’re ordering out tonight, that makes a huge difference. Because it’s so much to have to decide about everything, even to have to decide what my husband wants to have now, or what he wants to watch or what he wants to eat or where he wants to go. You know, it’s it makes a huge difference to have that break of him coming and saying “oh, okay, I want to do this.” I’m not saying he should always make these decisions. But you know, it’s nice. It’s nice for a man to take control and be like, “Okay, this weekend, we’re doing this.”
Doug Holt 18:19
Let’s answer this question if this is sexy or not sexy. When a guy keeps coming back to you, or, you can use your girlfriends and friends as examples, I’m just going to use “you” as the ‘collective you’, now. When a guy comes to you and says, I don’t know, I’m thinking about doing this thing, but I’m not sure. And they’re hemming and hawing about it back and forth, and back and forth. And they’re not making decisions…sexy or not sexy?
Nanette Dib 18:48
Well, it’s the worst thing ever. Because I feel like a lot of women already doubt themselves and question things. And then for the man to also be doing that, it’s like, who’s going to be the one to make the decision? It’s stressful. You’re meant to be the lighthouse, the alpha, the leader in this way and it’s nice for you to say “No, this is what we want to do.’ And be sure about it. Certainty is so important. Whether it’s the right thing or the wrong thing, when you have that certainty it’s gonna go right just because of that certainty.
Doug Holt 19:25
Yeah, it’s interesting because you and I have talked about this offline that it’s one of the common things that guys will use as excuses not for joining the program. And look guys, you’re out there. I’m not blaming you. I did the same thing which is using the excuse of ‘Yeah, I’m not sure. I have to check with my wife to make sure I can make the time commitment or the financial commitment’, or whatever else it is. Whereas there are some guys that are like, ‘Nope, I’m bettering my life and my family and I’m going forward and I’m doing this.’ I’m guessing you hear that a lot.
Nanette Dib 19:57
Yeah, and the guys that are comitted up front, they’re the ones that probably get the most results, the quickest. And the best results because they’re going all in. They’re 100% certain, and they’ve taken the decision with where they’re going and they’re just running with that decision, no matter what. They’re not taking no for an answer. They’re doing everything and anything to get the results that they want.
Doug Holt 20:19
I love it. Burning the boats, guys burning the boats. Nanette, give me number five.
Nanette Dib 20:25
Number five. We did say working on yourself, which has to do with confidence as well. I think confidence is huge. And I think being exciting as well is important. We have one life to live. And you picked this person because you want to spend the rest of your life with them. And isn’t your life meant to be fun and exciting, not just the same routine day in and day out? I mean, obviously, we all have our routines and our schedules, but it’s nice to also have a little bit of an adventure. A lot of reasons why people check out is because they’re missing that adventurer, and they’re not getting that anymore within their partner, because they’ve gotten uncomfortable. And they’re just used to a certain way. So I think it’s nice for the man to bring in adventure and excitement and mix things up. I think you’ve said it before, spice is the variety of life.
Doug Holt 21:33
It is. Confidence is huge. Most you guys have competence in business, but for some reason, when I was going through my shit at home, I wasn’t as confident. So I was like, I don’t know how to deal with this. It’s just a storm coming in here. And you know, a lot of guys just check out. And one of the things that we teach businessmen is how to be a CFO in their own home. And it’s not your Chief Financial Officer, by the way, guys. When we talk about being the CFO, we’re talking about being the Chief Fun Officer. When was the last time you did that with your kids? When’s the last time you did that with yourself? When’s the last time you did that with your wife? How attractive is it for a woman if you guys can imagine being fun having fun. Everybody wants to be around the fun people, everybody wants you at a party, whoever’s laughing, the group is laughing and having a great time, you all secretly want to be involved in that group and involved in that joke. You get to bring that energetic response back home.
Nanette Dib 22:31
Yeah, whether it is just with your wife, or even bringing that excitement to the kids, it’s so fun. It’s nice to bring in some excitement. I know I can tell when I’m being silly with my kids and I love it. We’ll be stuck in traffic, and I’ll do something silly, and they will be so happy. It goes a long way to bring in some excitement in the house. And, why not? Why isn’t there more of that? Why do we take that for granted? Why are we so comfortable?
Doug Holt 23:08
Yeah, I think guys just get there, we get complacent. The way I look at it, Nanette, and women do too, by the way, but we’re talking mostly to guys here is when you leave work or leave the gym or leave wherever you go regularly, you go on autopilot in your car. You drive the same route, the same way each and every time. And oftentimes, this translates very similarly to the way that you operate in your marriage, and in your relationship. Now, I know not everybody’s married, some people are in long term relationships, partnerships, divorced, separated, etc. But you guys get the general idea. And for you guys that are on the way out of your relationship, whether it be your choice or not, you will get into another relationship, eventually. I get that you’re in the tunnel in the darkness, but it will happen.
And you want to have these skills, these five things that you’ve just been given to ensure that you’re more attractive for either your current partner or your next partner. I’m going to give a bonus one. You guys probably have like 10 things now at this point, that are going to make you more attractive to your wife. But I’m going to give you a bonus one that’s really going to help with this. And this is one that most guys just completely miss, and the reason we miss this as men, is we’ve never been taught it. Which is how to allow your woman to be seen, heard, and desired. Right? So we have a thing we call The Hidden Motives Technique that we utilize. When you can allow your woman to be seen or heard and desired, you then become the focus place for her to get her cup filled and her needs met. When that happens and her needs are being met, and if she feels safe, you know things start to happen that are a lot more fun around the house.
Nanette Dib 24:57
Exactly. 100% Because end of the day, the wife wants to feel safe and validated as well and just know that this is her person that she can say everything to. That she can say and just have him be there and get that support. Like the lighthouse.
Doug Holt 25:17
Absolutely. Oh, I love it. Nanette, any parting words of advice you can give for a guy out there who’s going, ‘Hey, look, sex and intimacy are important to me.’ I look at it like the scoreboard of is my relationship healthy or not? If you’re not having sex, there’s probably an issue there. I understand it’s not the focus of what all guys want, they want love, respect, admiration, and a great marriage. But again, intimacy is just like one of those litmus tests for a lot of people in a marriage. If a guy’s thinking, ‘Okay, I want to be more attractive for my wife. I want to draw her in more.’ What are two things that he can do today to get started?
Nanette Dib 25:54
Get activated. Number one.
Doug Holt 25:58
Absolutely, it would definitely have helped me.
Nanette Dib 26:02
And don’t put it off. I feel like people will say, ‘Yeah, I’ll get to that. I’ll get to that. I’ll get to that.’ And then it will be months that have passed. It’s crazy, we put things off. And then we think we’ll have plenty of time to get to that. And then you don’t and months pass by and you’re still in the same place. Sometimes you’re in an even worse place. When there’s massive insight, take massive action,
Doug Holt 26:39
A moment of insight, take massive action.
Nanette Dib 26:42
I feel like that is so true. You know, when you feel like ‘okay, this is what I need to do.’ Do it. Don’t waste time. We don’t know how long we have. You know, if not now then when?
Doug Holt 26:53
Gentlemen, you heard it here. Nanette talks to 1000s of business leaders, since she’s been involved with The Powerful Man as an advisor. Also always talking to her girlfriends, of course and herself as a woman. You guys now have actionable steps, you have no excuses, actionable steps you can take today to make yourself more attractive to your partner.
So if you’re saying, ‘Hey, Doug, I’m not having as much sex as I would like to. The bedroom is a desert. I lay next to my wife were six inches apart, but six miles away.’, and you want a way for her to initiate, you now have a roadmap or some actionable plans to do it. As Nanette said become activated and in the moment of insight take massive action. Thank you so much for being here. As always.
Nanette Dib 27:50
Sorry, I butchered it. But yeah, you said it right. You say it perfect.
Doug Holt 27:55
Your way is just as good. So you know, it’s all good, guys, thank you, as we always say, Take massive action.
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