When Do You Call It A Day?

Episode #406

What are you going to do if there are signs that your relationship is coming to an end?

Will you stick with her because you love her?

Or will you leave her because you’ve done enough?

In this episode, we talk about when to end the relationship, how to make a wiser decision, and what to do to value yourself more. Be firm according to your boundaries and protect your worth.

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Episode Transcript

Tim Matthews 0:00
When should I call this a day? When should I do this? When should I? When should I say that? Look, you have to make that decision, and that comes from your standards and your boundaries. Nobody can tell you when to do that. If you want somebody to tell you that, that displays a lack of trust in your intuition. You run instinctively. If that’s the case, and then somebody else tells you to do it. It’s kind of like, “Oh, well, they said so.” So you don’t feel as bad.

Doug Holt 0:28
Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of “The Powerful Man Show.” With my co-host, Tim, “The Powerful Man” Matthews, I am your host, Doug Holt.
What’s going on, bro?

Tim Matthews 0:41
Yeah, I’m doing very well. After this, I’m interviewing somebody else for the team, and I’m excited to see how that goes.

Doug Holt 0:49
Excellent. I’m going to the beach, and I’m just going to see how that goes.

Tim Matthews 0:53
Something I miss there.
Anyway, today, I want to talk about one of the questions or topics from an amazing man in the “Powerful Man” community. You’ve also seen him in the bedroom, “Roommate Group” has taken a lot of action. His name is James. So the question he has for us is, “Maybe there must be a limit when it’s time to let the marriage dissolve, or maybe when it should, like her cheating, or her completely being frigid, like an “Ice Queen.” How long should you apply this stuff, if there are no results on her end?”.

Doug Holt 1:36
Okay, let’s run with this, Tim.

Tim. 1:39
Okay.

Doug 1:40
What do you think?

Tim Matthews 1:41
Yeah, I mean. Initially, when I read this, the question itself is why there are no results. I don’t mean that sounds harsh. But hey, when should I call this a day? Hey, when should I do this? Hey, when should I? When should I? When should I? It’s that, look, you have to make that decision, and that comes from your standards and your boundaries. Nobody can tell you when to do that. If you want somebody to tell you that, that displays a lack of trust in your intuition and instinct. If that’s the case, then somebody else tells you to do it. It’s kind of like, “Oh, well, they said so.” So you don’t feel as bad, right?. James, you get to take a stand for what it is you truly desire, Whether you want to be with her or not. If you want to be with her, then you get to be with her. If you don’t want to be with her, then don’t be with her. But you gotta take a stand for what you want and create some boundaries here as well. Well, I say boundaries. Once you take a stand for what it is you want and stand by that, by default, there will be a boundary. That’s what people respect about people, the respect to what it stands for. Yet if you don’t have any boundaries, it isn’t easy to get any respect from people because essentially you become a bit of a Dharma.

And then the other bit to this is, how do I apply this, “if I see no results on her end?”. We have men who go through the program who do the work and take ownership of their shortcomings in the relationship. Then know that they are doing all of their cans, and the relationship doesn’t turn around because the wife, “She might just be checked out,” maybe they’ve left it too long. Or maybe in some cases, they choose that they don’t want to be in the marriage anymore. Those men continue to do the work, and they do the work because they see the importance of doing the work for themselves. First and foremost, it’s not to win her back. They see the value in doing it for them because they value their growth and development. Well, it’s those guys who often go on to turning women away. Now, that might sound like a big claim. But we have men in The Brotherhood and in the inner circle that go through divorce and take with them into the next chapter of their lives. We have a chapter in our private community called “The Next Chapter,” just for men that have been through a divorce.

And their take into the next chapter of their lives, these new perspectives, and these new understandings and tools given within The Activation Method. They become magnetic to women around them, and they’re very upfront and honest and open say, “Hey, look, I’ve just come out of a relationship. I’m not looking for a relationship, but I’m willing to have some fun if that’s what you want to do”. Straight away for the woman, you think that would push her away, but that’s even more attractive and sexy because it’s a guy who knows who he is and knows what he wants.  And as a result, often, these men end up dating several women at once, and they’re very open about this and sometimes “calling it all off.” They say, “Hey, look, guys, I just don’t want to be dating anyone right now.” What impact does that then have on women? It makes them want them more. They don’t do it to make them want them more. They do it out of genuine honesty and do not continue the relationships. We also have guys who have gone on to get into other relationships. Those relationships are created around so much transparency and authenticity that they then have the connection they were seeking in the previous relationship. Because they also attract a woman that’s also into her growth, that understands the importance of development, because that’s the level of their operation. So it all starts with you, Brother taking a stand for yourself, what it is you desire, and pursuing that for the right reasons. Wherever that lands, that lands. But at least where you stood by, what is true for you. If you have kids, that’s the best role model you can set for them.

Doug Holt 6:02
Yeah, I couldn’t agree more. Tim. When I first heard this question, the first thing I thought about was, “Well, what do you want? Like, do you want to be in the marriage or not? If you want to be in it, you love your wife”. The common thing we hear from some guys is like, “Look, my wife and I both love each other.” Then dot dot dot fill in the rest. If you both love each other, I think it’s worth working on. If you’re both in it, then work on it. This particular guy, I don’t think, has been through The Activation Method, has he?

Tim 6:29
No.

Doug 6:30
Yeah. So that’s your first thing, man. Look, we try to give away as much free advice as we possibly can. But the truth of the matter is The Activation Method, by itself, is the key. Like you need to get yourself into The Activation Method, and there’s just no doubt about that. So that gets to happen in a major way.

Tim Matthews 6:51
I love it. So let’s cover another while we ended up being relatively short.
So let’s go to the next one, David, which I think is an interesting one. David, this is a really interesting one. What are some examples of some useful, meaningful, pragmatic “Shadow Work” for men?. I think this feeds into the previous question, and I know where my mind goes immediately. I guess.

Doug Holt 7:24
So what would you say there, Tim?

Tim Matthews  7:28  

It sounds so biased, The Alpha Reset. I’d say The Alpha Reset because there are other exercises we can give, and we do give men. It’s part of them going through The Activation Method. There’s a difference between something being logical and visceral and shadow work. Whatever you think in your mind, you feel in the body. So if you’ve experienced the “Five Agonies,” for example, you find yourself in “no man’s land,” you’ve experienced the five agonies, or you’re experiencing them. You’ve got emptiness or greed, anger, shame, loneliness, and isolation. Oh, sorry, uncertainty, that’s the fifth one. But the thing is, whatever you’re thinking in mind, you feel in the body. Emotion is energy, and it cannot be destroyed or created. Only changes form. Therefore, if you’ve had certain thoughts about yourself, back up on “Shadow Work.” Shadow is the darker side of your personality. So if you’ve had certain thoughts around. Things you should be doing, or you’re not doing, or you could be doing better, and you’re beating yourself up and experiencing guilt, experiencing shame. The other agonies, then yeah, it’s great to go through some of the exercises would give the man in The Activation Method. Some logical steps to start seeing what that shadow looks like, that side of yourself looks like and how it influences you. So you can detach from it and have it stop controlling you subconsciously, some great thing you can do. The faster route to that is actually “going in” to the shadow itself, dealing with the emotions by getting to the root of them, and transforming the emotions of anger, guilt, and shame into peace, joy, empowerment, excitement, and that’s a visceral thing. Now, that’s part of the reason why dear to me, The Alpha Reset runs for as long as it does. It’s a very long day, but it’s also a very effective day, and it’s because the men going through these set exercises are very experiential. So the faster is The Alpha Reset, the slower route is all the shadow work, and I’ll name one, we give them something called “The Shadow Stickman”. I won’t walk through it now. But that’s one that we give them.

Doug Holt  9:56  

Yeah, I was going to say for shadow work, I think experiential work. Whether it be through The Alpha Reset or something else is the way to go. Otherwise, the problem with doing Shadow Work on your own is your shadow is doing the work. If their shadow is involved with you, and without that outside perspective as designed, and we’re not the only ones, “The Powerful Men,” that do shadow work, I don’t know of any off the top of my head, but I do know, there are other organizations that do it. So you want to find somebody you trust, first of all, because shadow work is very important. Then also, who’s got proven results because you can’t see the forest from the trees when you’re doing the shadow stick work. Or we call the “shadow stick man,” but just the shadow work. It’s part of the reason that even with the “Mat Activation Method,” the groups are small. We keep all of our groups small because we know that your ego is going to kick in, your subconscious is going to kick in, and it’s going to run the show for you, you’re not going to get to the depths that you want to get to, above and beyond. That’s where a coach comes in. But more importantly, in my opinion, based on my experience, is doing something experiential that will allow you to push through those barriers.

Tim Matthews  11:10  

Yeah, I want to elaborate because it may not have been absolutely clear on the shadow side. So, if you ever experienced a “feast or famine,” whether it’s in your health, or business, or whatever area, and you are doing well. Then all of a sudden, you might have hit an upper limit, and you come crashing back down, he can’t seem to quite get above the upper limit, there’s self-sabotage that is going on in any area, then usually the reason for that is it’s the shadow. The shadows are coming in, and subconsciously, there are patterns that the darker side of you is playing out. They’re destructive in one way or another. So like Doug said, “You’ve got to do shadow work with somebody.” It’s an absolute must; otherwise, for sure, the subconscious mind will be influencing whatever work you’re doing. I’m sure you’re a smart guy, and you’re going to know the ways that you can trick yourself. You just so yeah, I think that’s, that’s enough on that one.

Doug Holt  12:21  

Awesome. So guys, keep going over to the Facebook group and posting your questions. That’s where we’re getting these from. We get a lot of questions in there, and they’re fantastic. Make sure you’re just being active in that group. We have a couple of communities going on, but the main communities where you want to post these questions, and Tim and I will get to them as soon as we can. Gentlemen, that’s a wrap for us today at “The Powerful Man Show.” As always, love and insight take massive action. We’ll see you next time on “The Powerful Man Show.”