Crafting Balance: Calendars, Priorities, and Personal Growth

Episode #1151

What does your calendar say about your priorities?

In this episode of The TPM Show, Tim Matthews and Lawrence Davis dive into a simple but powerful idea: if you want to know what someone truly values, look at their calendar and their bank account. The way you spend your time and money reveals what you're actually committed to, not just what you say is important.

They discuss why so many men fill their schedules with work while leaving family, health, relationships, and personal growth as afterthoughts. They also explore how intentional planning can help create more freedom, better boundaries, stronger relationships, and a greater sense of purpose.

You'll hear practical insights on:

• Why your calendar reflects your real priorities
• How to stop living in constant reaction mode
• The connection between boundaries and personal freedom
• Why investing in yourself isn't selfish
• Simple ways to create more connection in your relationship
• How structure can reduce stress and improve performance
• The importance of scheduling what matters before life gets busy

If you've ever felt like there's never enough time for yourself, your family, or the things that truly matter, this conversation will help you take a fresh look at how you're spending your days and what needs to change.

If your relationship feels like it's running on autopilot, or you've been putting everyone else's needs ahead of your own, it's time to understand what's really happening beneath the surface.

Get access to a free training that walks you through the hidden patterns that create disconnection in relationships and the practical steps you can take to rebuild trust, respect, and intimacy.

Watch the free training here:https://thepowerfulman.com/scales

Transcription

Tim Matthews 0:40Hey guys, welcome to another episode of The TPM Show. I am your host, Tim Matthews, joined by an incredible guest, Wild Card.

Lawrence 0:47Wonderful to be here.

Tim Matthews 0:49How are you doing? Have you recovered from that outtake?

Lawrence 0:51I have. Yes, the bloopers are on the cutting room floor.

Tim Matthews 0:54Okay, okay. So, bondage... no, only kidding. We won't go there.

The thing I do want to talk to you about, though, just to bring it back a little bit, is this idea of: "Show me your calendar, and I'll show you your priorities."

Lawrence 1:22Safer ground.

Tim Matthews 1:22Safer ground.

Now, there are two ways that people make votes, right? They make votes with their time, and they make votes with their money.

If you really want to see what matters to somebody, you'll pull up their calendar and you'll pull up their bank account. Those two things will reveal everything.

Typically, they're voting for their past self or they're voting for their future self.

So, if I were to pull up your calendar right now, I won't ask what I'd see because I think I'd probably see some of what you were just trying not to talk about. But what would it say you're committed to? What would it say you're voting for?

Lawrence 2:07Okay, this is a really great question.

I remember being early on in The Brotherhood, and you were on a call. We were going through, I think, The Activation Method or one of the teachings, and you said, "Show me your calendar, and I'll show you your priorities."

You got all the guys on the call to open up their calendars, and then you opened up yours. It was absolutely mind-blowing to me.

Part of it was the fact that I think there was a time difference, so you were starting work when they were starting work in the U.S. You had this huge block of time in the morning where you were doing something like four hours of Alpha Rise and Shine.

I remember thinking, "I want to get to the stage where I'm doing that."

Then I looked at my calendar, and it was just full of work. Work, work, work. Block, block, block.

It really brought me up short.

You're right. There was nothing in my bank account or calendar that was voting for my future self or investing in me. It was all about maintaining the status quo and just grinding.

Nowadays, that's very different.

I don't have a four-hour window in the morning to do ARS, but I do get...

Tim Matthews 3:19To be clear, that included my workout as well.

Lawrence 3:21Absolutely.

Tim Matthews 3:22I just need to clarify because I have a lot of guys who hear that and think, "Four hours of cardio?" It also included training.

Lawrence 3:27Three and a half hours of working out...

No.

Back then, I wouldn't have been comfortable showing you my calendar. I felt embarrassed because I wasn't being intentional with my time or my money.

Now, if you opened up my calendar, you'd see different colors. There is time blocking on there. The business software blocks out my time, so nothing happens on a Friday and nothing happens before nine o'clock in the morning.

There are specific blocks in the evenings and at the weekends that are actually scheduled. Whereas before, it was all work, and then if anything happened to fit into the gaps, that became family time.

The same goes for the bank account, to be fair.

I have no issue now paying for things that, back then, would have felt selfish or unnecessary. I've come to learn how deeply important those things are because they have a direct impact on my ability to earn money, run the company, and show up in all the areas of my life.

So when I spend money on going away for a week, taking a long weekend, or taking my partner out, I don't have to justify it anymore.

I'm not saying I do those things because they make me a better person. I'm saying I do them because I want to do them. I enjoy doing them.

And because I engage in things that I genuinely enjoy, they end up making me a better person. They make me more whole, more rounded, and more interesting as a human being.

So, yeah.

Tim Matthews 5:20You can't pour from a cup that's always been emptied.

Lawrence 5:24No, that's right.

Tim Matthews 5:25In that scenario, people get the rest of you, not the best of you.

It's much easier when your cup is full and even overflowing because then people get the overflow. That's a far better version of you.

Lawrence 5:42I don't think that happens overnight, either.

You have to be intentional about it. You have to allocate funds and allocate time and say, "This is going to be for me. This is going to be for my relationship, my wife, or whatever it is that I feel is important."

There may be seasons where your calendar is full of business because that's what has to happen to get a project across the line. But then you need to deliberately schedule time afterward to pull things back into balance again.

I think that's really important.

Tim Matthews 6:20It is. I think having flexibility with it is key. At least for me, it is.

I've seen over the years that I'm incredibly reliant on my calendar, which is great because even if it means putting free time in there, it creates so much clarity.

The guys I work with who have sold companies or have more free time on their hands are often the ones who struggle the most. They struggle with purpose.

Now, I'm not saying a calendar solves purpose by any means, but one pattern I've noticed is that many of those guys don't use a calendar at all.

That contributes to them feeling less purposeful because they're just waking up and meandering through the day instead of intentionally directing it.

I was speaking with a guy from Dorset a couple of days ago. He sold his business a few years back, and I asked him how he used to operate when he ran it.

He described how intentional he was with his time, his schedule, and how he structured his days.

So I asked him, "What if you ran your life the same way you ran your business?"

His answer was immediate.

"Well, I'd use a calendar."

That was the very first thing he said.

"I'd put this in it, I'd put that in it, I'd put the other thing in it."

It's such a key distinction if you want to be proactive rather than reactive.

Even for the guys who already use a calendar, I often wonder how well they're actually using it.

Are they allowing things to get booked over?

I understand that flexibility is important, and sometimes things genuinely need to change. But there should also be things that are non-negotiablethings that simply cannot be booked over.

Lawrence 8:50This is boundaries, isn't it?

Tim Matthews 8:52Essentially.

Lawrence 8:52It's boundaries. It's valuing your personal time, space, and development enough that you put a boundary around it. It's as important as a business meeting. It's as important as that client who's saying the world will end if you don't attend their urgent meeting.

They're a big client. They invest a lot with your company. You're going to bend over backwards to make that meeting happen if you possibly can. Having that same level of commitment to yourself is important.

Being able to say, "Actually, it's really important that I have this morning off because I'm going to do this." I went to the Forest of Dean at the weekend. My partner booked a birthday treat for me.

It included light therapy, which was incredible, and afterward a flotation tank session, which was also amazing. Those appointments were in my calendar, and they were absolutely non-negotiable.

Part of that was because she'd booked them for me as a gift, which automatically made me value them more. But afterward, I started reflecting on that. I realized I also need time to decompress at the end of the week. I need time to see my grandchildren. I need time for the things that matter.

Those things shouldn't be moved around just because a client calls and wants something. They're valuable. They're important. And it comes back to that question:

Are you worthy?Am I worthy?

Tim Matthews 10:34That reminds me of an Alpha Rise and Shine session I was delivering a couple of weeks ago. One of the guys was sharing how important his family was to him. I asked him to pull up his calendar.

He was shocked and upset when he realized that his calendar didn't reflect what he said was important at all. There was nothing scheduled for time with his family. It was an afterthought.

Something he might get around to if there happened to be time left over.

Lawrence 11:10It's in the big blank spaces. Like, "Anything could happen in this space."

Tim Matthews 11:14Exactly. One of the key habits that works for Amelia and me is having a little moment together in the morning. We sit down for an hour or an hour and a half, have a coffee or tea, and just spend time together.

She absolutely loves it. I enjoy it too. Sometimes it's easier than others because I've already done my ARS, maybe worked out, and I'm in that mode where I want to get going with the day.

I have to consciously shift gears sometimes. But the connection between us when we commit to that habit versus when we don't is completely different.

It gives us dedicated time to check in with one another, connect, and simply be together.

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Tim Matthews 13:10Share whatever might be coming up, and something great always comes out of it.

Lawrence 13:14Love that. Love that. I think being intentional about those moments of connection, like a weekly check-in with your partner, is invaluable because they have a whole life, a whole emotional life, a work life, and all of those things going on that you may know nothing about.

Being able to catch up is important. She may have had a dream three nights ago that you were unfaithful, and now she's harboring resentment toward you, and all you're getting is a load of grief without knowing why.

Until you have a check-in. Actually putting a scheduled check-in on the calendar and asking, "Is everything okay?"

"Well, you were unfaithful.""No, I wasn't."

My point is that things can be uncovered through simple practices like that. A calendar alert, a recurring event, or whatever it might be can help you stay connected because otherwise, I just wouldn't remember.

So Hannah is really useful in that regard. I think it comes back to priorities. It's about what you consider important. For Amelia, that morning check-in is really important, and therefore it gets an important marker on the calendar.

Not because it's important to you, but because it's important to her. Identifying things that aren't just important to you, but are important for the relationship and your partner as well, is really valuable.

Tim Matthews 14:45 Massive signals to her that she's important. I often think that the quality of your life is determined by a couple of things: the quality of the questions you ask yourself and the habits you have. Your habits dictate what you do consistently, and your questions shape your thinking.

For me, if my calendar isn't intentional, I find it much harder to create effective habits. For example, one thing Amelia pointed out was that I was spending too much time on my phone in the evenings. It was robbing us of the ability to really connect.

So I put a recurring calendar event in place. At 7:30 or 8:00 p.m., the phone goes off. I even bought a lockbox for it. The phone typically goes into the lockbox at 8:00 p.m. and stays there until 8:00 a.m.

It's great because it means I'm more present. More connection takes place. I sleep better. But if it wasn't in my calendar, it would be much easier to forget. If I've promised to do something, then I don't want to rely on memory and willpower to keep that promise. I'd rather have a system supporting me.

If it's in my calendar and somebody tries to book a meeting over it, then I immediately know it's not happening. The calendar says so much about what matters to someone.

Lawrence 16:36I absolutely agree, but I've got a couple of questions. First, I know a few guys in the movement who hear "time blocking" and immediately recoil. They think, "No, that feels restrictive. I don't like being told what to do."

So is there another way? Is there something that could help someone who's really resistant to time blocking create a bit more routine or structure? And secondly, you mentioned scrolling on the phone.

I know lots of guys struggle with seeing their wives scrolling on their phones all the time. We all do it now because content and social media are everywhere. But I've heard several men recently talk about feeling ignored, resentful, or disconnected because their wives are constantly on their phones.

I'd love your thoughts on that.

Tim Matthews 17:48Oftentimes, her scrolling on the phone might simply be because what's on the phone feels more interesting in that moment. It could also be that she's checking out because she's tired or overwhelmed. So there may be nothing to it, but there also may be something to it.

That's why it's important to lean in and get curious rather than making assumptions. The question becomes, "What's actually going on here?" From there, conversations can happen, agreements can be made, and understanding can grow.

As for the person who has an aversion to time blocking, I'd say this:

If they're happy with how they're living, great. If they're not happy, then clearly what they're currently doing isn't working. Doing the same thing while expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.

So what would they prefer to do instead? I'd probably lean into that resistance because sometimes it's the teenager within them who doesn't want to be told what to do. They want freedom.

People often say discipline equals freedom. I'd add that structure can create freedom too. Just because something is in your calendar doesn't mean your life becomes rigid. Some things should absolutely be non-negotiable. Other things can ebb and flow. Some things can change and remain flexible.

In my experience, structure often creates freedom because it closes open loops. Otherwise, you're trying to remember everything, relying on memory and willpower, and that rarely works.

Doug often says that 6 a.m. Doug is very different from 6 p.m. Doug. And it's true.

So if someone is happy with the results they're getting, awesome. But if they're not, then they've got to do something different.

Lawrence 20:28That's really good. I like that there is flexibility built into it. You don't have to become a slave to your calendar. Yes, there are non-negotiables, but the flexibility is key because it helps people realize that their lives aren't being run by a computer.

They're simply using it as a tool to help them. Again, it's a perception and mindset shift. And regarding the scrolling, I absolutely agree. There's a huge dopamine hit that comes from social media and those algorithms.

If you're competing with that, then sometimes you need to become more engaging, more present, and more interesting. You need to create moments that are genuinely worth paying attention to.

Tim Matthews 21:07Get a house phone. Put both phones in the lockbox.

Lawrence 21:09I like the idea of the lockbox, you know.

Tim Matthews 21:12It's great. It really is. I'll tell you what, the first few times I did it, it was really interesting to recognize how often I would reach for my phone. Obviously, it wasn't there, right? But whenever there was a break in something, let's say Amelia and I were watching a show and there was a pause, or she got up to do something, I'd immediately think, "Where's my phone?"

The amount of times I'd think, "Oh, I'm just going to look that thing up." I had no need to look it up. There was no urgency. But my sleep improved because I wasn't on screens, even though I wear blue blockers. I wasn't getting all that stimulation.

I've actually slacked off with it over the past couple of weeks, to be honest, because things changed and a different routine came in. But this morning, I was thinking about how my quality of sleep has gone down, and I realized that's the one thing that's changed.

So tonight, I'm going back to using the lockbox and getting back into that rhythm.

Lawrence 22:23That's really good. We talked about the calendar and bank account in terms of investing in yourself. Have you come across resistance to that concept when you speak to guys?

Tim Matthews 22:36Massive.

Lawrence 22:39So they don't want to spend on themselves, right?

Tim Matthews 22:42For sure, whether that's with time or money. Oftentimes, guys think, "Okay, well, if I pay with my credit card, then I'm good." But they don't recognize that they also have to pay with their time.

We've recently pulled transcripts from over 33,000 calls with men over the last few years. That's a lot of data. One of the biggest objections is financial or spouse-related resistance. Guys often have resistance to investing in themselves, whether financially or with their time. There are lots of reasons for that.

But ultimately, what kind of quality of life do you want?

If you want to get a different result, you've got to do something different. Yes, it can be scary, but in my opinion, it's absolutely worth it.

Lawrence 23:43I remember one of the early PAC calls I attended. A guy was saying, "My wife found out that I'm paying for TPM and doing these self-development programs, and she's not happy that I'm spending money."

Then, in the same breath, he said, "We've got to save money, so I'm going to cancel the maid. We're not going to have a house cleaning service anymore." His wife was really annoyed, and he was planning to go home and tell her that was his final decision.

We all stopped him and said, "Hang on a minute." Things are important to you, but things are important to her as well. He hadn't connected the dots between the two.

He came back afterward and said, "I've actually decided to keep the cleaners because it's important to her. It helps keep her sane." It was a great realization.

It's not just about investing in yourself. It's about investing in your family and understanding what your partner's priorities are too. Because if he'd taken that away from her, she'd have become even more resentful about anything else he spent on himself.

He could become the man of the moment and invest all he wanted in himself, but she'd still be sitting at home thinking, "Bastard."

Tim Matthews 25:16Of course.

And honestly, that's understandable, right? Wouldn't you?

Lawrence 25:18Absolutely.

Tim Matthews 25:19So guys, if you want to find out more about what we do here at TPM, then reach out to us.

Hopefully, you found some value in this episode.

Lawrence, thank you so much.

Lawrence 25:33My pleasure.

Tim Matthews 25:34And we'll see you next time on the TPM Show.